Cosmology Shifts
by nickaroos
Summary: The Cullens and the Quileute wolves had stood together to defeat a newborn army. Just as the day seemed over, Bella never made it to Jacob's. How will one moment alter the lives of everyone effected? Story is told from four rotating PoV: Alice's, Edward's, Jacob's, and Bella's. The plot is slightly AU, but characters are to cannon as developed in My Family Is Odd. *COMPLETE*
1. Alice-Moments That Change Everything

**Summary:** It was a momentous day. The Cullens and the Quileutes had stood together and defeated a newborn army and their creator. The patriarch of the Cullen clan, Doctor Carlisle Cullen, had been permitted an exception to the treaty between the Cullens and Quileutes in order to treat a Quileute who had been hurt. The battle that had raged in the morning gave way to calmer seas in the evening. Each individual focused on what needed to be accomplished in the aftermath including Bella, fiance to Edward Cullen, who went to go visit her best-friend and hurt Quileute, Jacob. This is the story of what might have happened if Bella never made it to Jacob's told from four rotating points of view, first Alice Cullen's, then Edward Cullen's, then Jacob Black's, and lastly Bella Swan's. The first round of povs are a mixture of Eclipse material and new material to bring readers unfamiliar with the details of Eclipse and New Moon into the story while building the plot. The second round of povs wrap up many of the material referenced from cannon while creating the backdrop from which this story will take place. The third round of povs will leave Eclipse behind, and the fourth round completely bringing the reader into this slightly AU. Characters are to cannon as developed in My Family is Odd, my completed alternative to Midnight Sun.

 **Rating:** T for some language and relationship elements.

 **Formally titled:** The Day That Changed Everything

 **Disclaimer: Obviously I am not Stephanie Meyer. All of the dialogue that comes directly from the book Twilight or her unpublished manuscript Midnight Sun, remains hers. As this seems obvious, I will not have this disclaimer for the rest of the story.  
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 **The reference to events in 1950 contained in this chapter are courtesy of Jessica314's story Tale of Years: 1950 here on Fanfiction.**

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Chapter 1: Alice-Moments That Change Everything

The passage of time holds little meaning. The sun rises; the sun sets. The seasons change. The earth revolves around the sun. These things matter little. What does matter are the moments that occur as time passes and the choices that are made in these moments. Choices really are everything. Every once in a while, though, there are moments that stand outside of time. These types of moments have been pivotal in marking my life irrevocably and reworking my existence substantially. They existed not in a linear sense but in a transformative sense where before and after the event could clearly be delineated. Two of those moments have altered me already.

The first was in regards to meeting my husband, Jasper. The second after my eyes had opened, before I even had a chance to take in my surrounding, a vision of the most incredible creature came to me. He was handsome and charming and looked like he needed to be loved. A desire for this man filled me making finding him my foremost priority. My initial assumption that this vision would be realized immediately turned out to be false. It took twenty-eight years to figure out which town, which diner, which month, which day was the right one for us to meet. Travelling down missteps and detours as the earth continued to move around the sun brought the vision closer to being realized. This gave me a long time to prepare. There was enough time to make sure that every detail was just right.

The second came to me not long after my first vision of Jasper. In front of my eyes was a family, one that was meant to be my family. It felt like coming home, filling me with a sense of brotherly and sisterly love, of being protected and wanted and needed. It took two years after the realization of my first vision for us to find that family who went by the name Cullen. So, even though these moments were pivotal, the visions came enough in advance to prepare me for their arrival.

A third pivotal day had yet to arrive: Bella's change. It first came to me over a year ago on the day that Edward saved her from being crushed by a van. There was no doubt in my mind that despite the fact that the day had yet to materialize, it would substantially alter my world due to how the vision came and its clarity when it first appeared. The exact timing was still unknown though. The first two contained background information from which an approximate year could be deduced. The only aid in the vision of Bella change was that both of us were wearing shirts that were yet to be purchased, but that didn't say much. The style wasn't different than what was in fashion when I had the vision, so it had to be relatively soon. It wasn't much to go on.

Like a sudden gust of wind a forth pivotal moment came. The day it arrived had been a memorial day in its own right. It was the day that for the first time in the history of our family we had stood together and had fought others of our kind sent for our destruction. With my gift of clairvoyance my visions had given us enough time to get ready for the army created to illuminate us, yet had given me no warning for this fourth pivotal moment, which in itself stands out, as much doesn't surprise me. The fact that this fourth pivotal moment came without preamble, even with my gift, cemented an unfortunate truth: there are some things that even I can't see.

Apart from the army, there was nothing that would have indicated the kind of day it became. Perhaps that should have been my first indication fate would intervene in some other way. The war had been won with no casualties on our side. My best friend and soon-to-be sister-in-law, Bella, had just left my home a few hours ago. Although she was eighteen, her father still kept a protective eye over her. Our cover story was that she was having a girly sleepover at my house so that we could go on a shopping trip and enjoy each other's company. With great effort on my part the first night of our supposed sleepover was arranged so that my brother Edward could have the house and Bella to himself. Did that take some work! It wasn't easy to convince my parents, Carlisle and Esme, brother, Emmett, and sister, Rosalie, and then Jasper to leave the house for at least six hours. Edward owed me! It was worth it though, because he had used it as a chance to ask Bella to marry him. Finally! Someone had to push those two lovebirds because for the first time, that night held a good percentage that Bella would say yes.

Since Jazz and I had met and he had learned of my gift he had discouraged me from meddling. Let sleeping dogs lie was his motto. My opinion was on the other side of that pendulum. From my perspective, what was the point of my gift if it wasn't used to nudge things in the right direction? We have agreed to disagree on this topic since the beginning.

Some of my purchases including a new dress and some other items for Bella were made weeks ago as evidence for our supposed shopping trip. Instead of being grateful for my planning she begrudgingly sat in my bathroom allowing me to make her over. Despite my explanations that this was all necessary to make sure her father believed the cover story she wasn't listening. Truly, I would miss being able to beautify Bella up once she stopped being human. Makeup doesn't really work on our skin. Messing with the chemistry to create makeup for me was enjoyable, but watching the change on Bella was a lot more fun. Going online, seeing all the different products and what they were supposed to do, having them delivered, and then seeing what they look like on Bella was my favourite hobby.

Generally, Bella was a good sport about my curiosity and trying things out on her, but today she acted like it was an imposition. She was entirely too distracted and did not appreciate the effort put forth on my part. She seemed to want to talk about everything except what was keeping her attention. To distract herself she asked why my gift worked on her when Edward's didn't. My gift doesn't work like Edward's was my best explanation. She asked me if her becoming a Cullen was still clear. My vision was as solid as she was sure about what she wanted.

In truth, how my visions work isn't a science. My answers were educated guesses based on past experience. The visions of Jasper and I meeting and then us joining the Cullens had a fated quality. They seemed as if they were meant to be. Additionally, the emotional tone in the visions told me that their realization would make me happy. I followed the path the visions showed me never doubting them. To reject the visions of Jasper and the Cullens would have been like rejecting happiness. Thus, my assumption was never tested. Therefore, my answer was the simplified watered down version of the truth, as best as I understood it, and my attempt to be sympathetic.

Last year there was an accident at Bella's birthday party that started with a paper cut and ended with Bella getting stitches. Because of what happened my idiotic brother, Edward, decided that Bella would be better off without us Cullens. If Jasper's needs hadn't consumed me, then perhaps an earlier vision might have gotten to me and forewarned me in enough time to impede Edward's stupidity better. Instead, Jasper and I were in the forest, me attempting to calm him, when an unrequested vision came with Edward walking into the house after dropping Bella at her home and saying darkly to Carlisle, "we're moving." When I came to my beautiful amazing husband stood before me.

"I know you're a mess, Jazz, but Edward's about to come home and demand that we move. Are you up for a table conference?"

He looked at me exasperated irritation and guilt bleeding from him. "Maybe it would have been better if I had bitten Bella. Then she's be changing already," he retorted.

"It would have devastated Edward, created irreparable damage in your relationship with him, and hurt Carlisle and Esme. It would have severely alter the climate of our family for years," I warned him.

It was not the first time we had this discussion. My husband, the strategist originally wanted to intervene and kill Bella. My vision of her as a newborn gave him a second option, although he was weary. He didn't really want to babysit a newborn. Either way a human knowing our secret was too risky from his perspective. After everything that has happened since that first table conference about Bella, I can see his point. Right or wrong Jazz saw that neither Carlisle nor Edward were willing to make the difficult choice. Jazz was willing to take on the burden and he would have if he had been certain that he wouldn't have killed Bella in the process.

The quality and tenor of my vision said that Bella was meant to be one of us, but Edward didn't agree. His insistence on fighting his own happiness was irritating. In every possibility that my visions permitted me to see it was for the best if we waited till Edward came round to the idea. The vision of Bella as one of us was a sure thing. It was bound to happen eventually. They were mated after all. But Edward seemed to insist time and time again on doing things in the most difficult way possible.

"You're right, June bug," Jazz sighed heavily.

His answer had always been the same. He leaned in and took in my scent to help ground him. I was asking a lot of him. Edward's severe mood swings, not to mention bloodlust, had been very difficult on my husband and his usual patience was worn thin. It didn't help that he had been primarily responsible for Bella's injuries. Despite that, Edward had easily forgiven him and taken the responsibility. Which had caused Jasper to felt guilty about because he knew, even before Edward opened his mouth, what Edward's response would be. Anything about Bella caused Edward to feel responsible and guilty. Guilt upon guilt wasn't good and Jazz hadn't had the time to work through it all.

"I wish I didn't have to ask this of you, Jazz, but there's no chance Edward gets talked out of it if we're not there. If we go, we stand a slim chance."

"Would it be best if we just let Bella be?" he asked doubtfully, but needing to confirm all options.

"Not for Edward."

He nodded already knowing that, but needing the confirmation. He grabbed my arms, looked deep into my eyes, and pulled on my concern, love, and urgency. It created a momentarily void where I felt apathetic, but that often happened when he drew on me like that. It was the least I could give him. As soon as he had enough to make those emotions primary he started running with me right behind him. We walked in just as Edward made his declarative statement.

"No! We can't, Edward!" If Jasper hadn't taken so much of my emotional fervency, I would have run into him and pounded on his chest. _Don't you dare ruin our lives, Edward_.

"You don't get a say, Alice." His tone was menacing.

Jasper growled at Edward.

Rosalie and Emmett showed up and stood between Edward and me each warning us to stand down.

"Enough!" Carlisle commanded as he came into the space. "We will discuss this like _Cullens_. Table. Now."

We all filed in and took our regular seats except Jazz. He stood behind me with his hands on my shoulders pinning me to my chair.

Carlisle looked at Edward his face full of concern and compassion.

Edward began. "After tonight it is obvious that Bella is in danger simply due to her proximity to our family and would be better off without us." He sounded cold and detached as if all the warmth he had over the last eight month had been pulled from him. He looked at Jasper. "This is no one's fault but my own. We cannot help who we are, our very natures. I was the one, out of my own selfishness and weakness that disregarded the obvious signs and put us all in danger. I realized tonight what I fool I have been." He looked at each of us briefly. When he caught my eyes I stared back. His look reminded me of prior instances when he had made up his mind to do something callously stupid. Neither ended well. "I apologise to each of you."

Rosalie had a look like, I told you so. She sat with her arms crossed haughty, but there was something else there. Relief, maybe? Jasper would tell me later.

Emmett looked confused.

Esme looked heart-broken.

Carlisle looked conflicted.

Jazz was frustrated.

"You're _wrong_ , Edward," I vehemently argued as if we were the only two in the room. "She is meant to be in our world. She is meant to be with you. She is your _mate_. It's just your idiotic refusal to turn her despite _her asking_ that is getting in the way," I lamented my big sister tone apparent.

Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett all took in a collective breath. It wasn't like me to divulge what my gift showed me. They also seemed shocked at the content of the revelation.

Carlisle was contemplative.

Esme suddenly had a peaceful and knowing look to her.

Emmett seemed pleased at the idea.

And Rosalie looked appalled.

"Is that true?" Carlisle asked Edward with a stunned tone.

"Yes," Edward sighed distressed. "She sees me as a type of hero and our life a fairy tale. Despite my greatest attempts and even James, nothing had changed her view since I saved her from the van. She is young and naïve. Her view is distorted. She treated Jasper lunging at her as expected behaviour. Honestly, when she told me that what we are doesn't matter to her I've considered having her evaluated."

"Don't. You. Dare." I growled through my teeth. Jasper held me down and kept me from lunging at my brother. "You do _not_ get to take her acceptance of us and twist it. Have you ever stopped being so ego-centric enough to consider that her reactions might be evidence that she's _meant_ to be in our world?" I was seething.

"He might have a point, Alice," Rosalie added. "No one sane would consciously choose to give up their humanity for our thirst. No matter her feelings now, given time she's bound to regret what she will lose."

I shook my head feeling Jazz sending me courage while soothing my rage just the slightest bits.

"Rose, Bella is not you." Turning and facing Edward I continued, "Edward, you are taking what is incredible about Bella and twisting it because of your own self-hatred. Not everyone sees the world as you do. Stop being so self-righteous and try to see the world from a vantage point that is not your own." Jazz has given the right antidote so that my sisterly tone returned.

My conviction about this type of matters was standard, but usually Edward and I had these arguments silently.

Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett stared at me briefly.

Emmett shook his head as if my tone amused him.

Rosalie had a smug look on her face. She probably was pleased to hear me voice my opinions regarding Edward's decision out loud. At the same time there was anger and perhaps resentment in her eyes, but those were from her own issues.

Esme had a far away look.

Carlisle looked like he was in pain. He had looked similar in my visions when Edward had left him and Esme.

"We spoke and she acknowledged the risk of our proximity to her life. She is well aware that she cannot stay near us and remain human. It would be against what we stand for to condemn her to this life or death simply because we enjoy her company," Edward growled menacingly at me.

Carlisle snapped out of his musings and gave Edward a warning look.

Without doubt Jazz had pulled back his lips and bared his teeth.

"Bella is human. She will be sad at first, but she will move on with her life. This is what is best for her and for us." Edward sounded persuasive as if this solved everything, but underneath the words there was that empty tone that meant he was trying to force himself to do something his heart didn't want to do.

"You're wrong."

Searching the future to prove him wrong a vision of her comatose filled my mind.

"Stop it," he growled.

"I won't. She is your _mate_ , _Edward,"_ saying his name through clenched teeth. _How many times now in your life have you made this type of ridiculous over reactive decision? How many have worked?_ I showed him the vision from decades ago when he had hunted scum. _None, Edward. I had to save you from yourself the last time. Don't do this._ I threw at him the images from 1950 when he had decided to try to starve himself.

Carlisle looked at Jasper questioningly.

Jazz pulled on my determination and strength slightly. "She loves him as strongly as I have felt between any mates. Her love is more constant than his, actually. Despite her being human, it is absolute," Jazz answered flatly. He sounded like he was giving a military movement report to his superior.

Edward balked. "That's not possible," he stated emphatically and dubiously. He shook his head back and forth. He was skilled at ignoring evidence he didn't want to see.

Showing him the consequences of his choice had worked before. I didn't know how to reach him through the walls he had erected this time.

"You are an emotional wreck. You have fought every inch of the way to accept her. She has asked to be turned just so she can be with you," Jasper pointed out.

No one was surprised that Jazz knew this. Between his gift and us being mates there was little that escaped us. The family had learned long ago that if one of us knew something it was almost guaranteed that the other did as well. Jasper was seething. Much of the emotional toll Edward had forced upon Jazz bubbled to the surface. We would have to be careful. Jazz hadn't been well collected before we had run here. Visions had shown me the devastation Jazz's gift could inflict if not contained.

"Yes, she accepts us and that's remarkable. We enjoy having a human being near without fear, but she is young and has no idea the true risks she is taking or the costs she claims she's willing to pay," Edward spat.

Sadness became Jazz's primary emotion. No doubt he was remembering the thousands of newborns he had watched Maria turn only to have to kill them after a year.

"No, she doesn't," Jasper said grievously, then his emotional temperature changed to determination. "But unlike you I don't see our existence as a curse. I am grateful to be what I am because that means I have an unlimited amount of time with Alice. I would do _anything_ to keep that. _Anything._ And you are a fool to throw it away. Not to mention that according to the law we will be held accountable for her. She became our responsibility, whether you like it or not, when you saved her." By the end he was barely containing his anger.

Despite the emotions coming from Jazz, his words had calmed and encouraged me. My adoration of this man reached no bounds. I sent him all the emotions that his words had conjured for me. His hands tightly slightly in response and then release me slightly. He felt calmer.

"Edward's right. She doesn't belong. With her track record she'll die soon anyway and then the risk will be eliminated," Rosalie interjected.

Edward snarled, but no one disagreed. She was a magnet to danger.

"Until she dies us leaving is against the law," Jazz pointed out.

"Jacob told her, not us. We did not break the law," Edward argued.

Jazz completely disagreed as was obvious from the look on his face and the emotions seeping out of him, but he said nothing.

I searched out Edward's plan. He intended on never returning.

"It won't work, Edward. You won't be able to stay away."

"I will," he roared as if he defending his life. His eyes looked momentarily crazed. He closed his eyelids quickly and when he opened them he turned towards Carlisle.

"None of us are willing to change her. In the eight months since she came into my life Peter and Charlotte happen to visit, the most horrific vampire our family has ever met visited us, not to mention all the times I almost killed her. She attracts trouble and the best solution is to remove ourselves so that she can be safe."

"Like from Lonnie? Without you she would have been raped, maybe killed. Without you she would have died from the van. She's alive because of you and what you are," I threw in his face.

"Yes, I saved her so that she could have a human life not be killed by our world because I couldn't walk away."

"So change her," I commanded.

"No. She isn't meant for this existence. She didn't come to us at death's door. She has the right to her human life, to grow, to change, to have children. And if we stay we might as well sign her death certificate ourselves. We would be taking all that away from her. I love her too much to do that to her."

"Are you sure, Edward?" Carlisle asked looking hesitant.

Carlisle watched Edward carefully.

"Yes," Edward answered through gritted teeth his features neutral.

Turning to Carlisle I implored him. "It won't work. It will only cause Bella and this family unnecessary suffering."

"We only know that the mate bond is between two vampires. Bella is human," Carlisle stated as if that closed the conversation, but there was doubt in his voice. There was also an almost imperceptible shaking of his head as if he was trying to dislodge a thought.

Jazz's irritation rose.

Staring at Carlisle hard I said through my teeth Jazz's irritation fuelling my own, "It doesn't matter that she's human. They are already mated."

"Shouldn't Bella get a say?" Esme whispered as if she was talking to Carlisle alone.

Carlisle turned to her with a pained look examining her expression. Something passed between them, but neither said anything more.

"She is a young human. We know how much young humans change in only a few years. She will probably be initially upset, but she will look back and be grateful that we spared her the pain we would bring her if we stayed. I'm begging you, each of you, please." He looked each of us in the eyes imploring us. His tone was desperate. "Leaving is for the best, for Bella and us. We know she won't tell our secret, there will be no more chances for exposure, and no more covering for her injuries. She will move on and have her human life." As he went on he spoke more quietly, but with pain and urgency in his voice.

"You're wrong, Edward," I said as equally quietly but with steel in my tone staring at him beseeching him throwing at him all the visions and thoughts that might help.

Edward turned to Carlisle. "We need to make the noble choice. I apologize that I wasn't able to do that before tonight. But I can now. Let things take their natural course. We cannot play God and I was wrong to covet her. I need to make amends for my poor actions and let her go. I can be noble for her sake. Bella will get to have the life she deserves. She might be reluctant to let us go at first, but even she is aware that in the long run what we had wasn't meant to last."

"He's wrong, Carlisle, on every count. He's absolutely wrong," I voiced without doubt.

Carlisle struggled. This was the worst part of Edward's telepathy. His arguments had the potential to speak to the core of who we were and he knew Carlisle before us all. Carlisle's features contained some element unknown to me. He grew solemn.

Carlisle turned back to Edward searching and pleading.

"Leave," Edward stated coldly and emphatically.

Then Carlisle looked at Rosalie. "Leave." There was no doubt there.

Emmett looked at me, and then Edward. His frowned as he eyed his bother. "Leave," Emmett said softly and sadly.

"Stay," was Jasper's vote. His tone conveyed his own conflict. Certainly leaving decreased our risk, but Jazz would do nothing that could bring me pain.

I sent him all the love and adoration flowing through me in that moment. There was no one better than him.

"Stay," was mine my voice hard as granite.

"Stay," Esme said with a firmness and certainty that she rarely exhibited.

Carlisle looked at his wife and then at Edward. The firm determination and pleading was evident in Edward's eyes. Carlisle looked back at Esme and she looked down.

"I appreciate your concern about the law, Jasper, but as we were not the ones to tell her, we would not be held to the level of responsibility that you are implying. Edward, despite his show of strength and speed, did not inform her of our nature nor give her anything that would lead her to the conclusion of what we are without the Quiluetes."

"The Volturi are not as magnanimous as you would like to believe," Jazz argued knowing it would fall on deaf ears. Carlisle and him had disagreed on the nature of the Volturi since the beginning.

"Leave," Carlisle finally stated as if the sound would break us all.

A fissure happened at that moment. Carlisle had gone against Esme's vote. We could not be Cullens without Carlisle _and_ Esme.

"And _we all_ stay away," Edward added. "No looking." He bored holes at me.

Carlisle nodded heavily and then looked at me.

I glared at Edward refusing to budge.

"Alice, please," Carlisle begged softly.

Carlisle had never steered us wrong before. He always saw all the pieces and did what was best for the whole doubting that wouldn't be helpful. There was something significant happening between Esme, Carlisle, and Edward that was unclear to me. Whatever it was, I refused to be the cause of unhappiness between our coven leader and his mate. Not for Edward sake, but for Carlisle's I reluctantly agreed.

"Fine." It would do little good. "But it won't work. Her becoming one of us is as strong as ever." I threw the image at Edward. "Our decision here hasn't changed it. You're wrong and you're both fools," I declared looking at Edward and then Carlisle.

For the first time since Jazz and I had joined the Cullens doubt that Carlisle was making the right choice for us crept in. Getting up and leaving the table fuming with Jazz close behind I worked on getting hold of my emotions. Any strong negative emotions wouldn't be helpful to Jazz. He had sacrificed enough for me tonight.

Edward was convinced that he could thwart my visions. It wasn't that he just didn't trust them. He was, in fact, in direct apposition to them, like an idiot. His certainty, despite what was said, that Bella didn't feel as strongly for him as he did for her overruled reason. She was only human after all, he had argued, yet his desire to keep her human in the same breath only demonstrated the fallacy of his reasoning. He couldn't have it both ways. And when it comes to Edward, Carlisle was blind and too pliable.

None of it altered Bella becoming one of us. Edward's request was all for naught. Bella becoming one of us was the kind of visions that didn't change. Jasper and I in the diner hadn't changed all those years waiting for my Jazz; they hadn't changed while the Cullen family changed through the years. Nothing had changed them. It was as pointless to fight them, as it was my weather forecasts. There are some things in this world that just are. Maybe that was what I should have said when Bella asked what my visions told me about her future. Instead I had wanted to give her a sense that it was her choice rather than her believing that she was a victim of circumstance. My intention was to give her a positive framework in which to face the future. Most creatures live their lives better if they believe that they have some power in what comes next.

After six long torturous months after we left Forks, a vision came of Bella jumping from a cliff. Its tenor told me that it came almost simultaneously while it was happening. Seeing Bella jump and her fading to black shook me to my core. Was fate intervening on behalf of my brother's stupidity and ending the possibility of Bella becoming like us? Had he succeeded in the worst possible way, through Bella's death, to thwart my vision? I was beside myself. Jasper, of course, knew as soon as it came my necessity in finding out for what happened. My devoted husband trusted me to go while he stayed to explain when Carlisle returned from hunting why I had defied the family's decision.

Later Jasper explained that he had let me go because he trusted my visions as much as he trusted me. And if my trust in my visions was shaken, then we were both in trouble. He was right. Not being able to trust my visions was like saying my left thumb couldn't be trusted. I went expecting to comfort Bella's father, who I've always liked, and to check on the slightest chance that my vision was wrong, even though those kinds have never been wrong before. To my great relief, both visions were right in their own way. Bella had jumped, but was _not_ dead. Jacob, who I met for the first time, had brought her out of the water; therefore the vision of her becoming like us was not thwarted.

My visions had been right, but of course Edward had to attempt to thwart the future in his own way. His misinformed belief that Bella was dead led to his near-death experience in Italy. It was only after we barely escaped alive that he decided that he was an idiot and staying away from Bella was a bad idea. He realized that he was wrong, Bella did feel as strongly for him as he did for her, and neither he nor she functioned well in this world without the other. As Edward, Bella and I had flown back from Italy "I told you so," had been on the tip of my tongue and thoughts.

I wished Carlisle had refused Edward, but, generally, Carlisle prefers to side with the wishes of the individual as long as it doesn't contradict the needs of the family. In this case Carlisle was wrong. Wrong about the impact to the family and wrong about letting Edward get his way. But then my misinterpretation of my vision and a misplaced phone call by Rosalie had led to Edward's little stunt. If Carlisle held blame, so did I. Letting it go completely, it was a lesson learned in the reliability of my visions.

It seemed that what Carlisle had learned from the experience had changed him because when my ingenious best-friend Bella got back to Forks, she insisted on having a vote on becoming like us instead of leaving it all to Edward, and Carlisle did what he should have done in the first place. He opposed Edward's ridiculous plans of self-destruction and offered to change Bella himself.

Probably Carlisle had originally declined because he was afraid that his opposition of Edward would cause Edward to run away, and he would lose his son forever. But he had discounted the fact that Bella held Edward in place. He was incapable of being without her. It irritated me that Carlisle had doubted Bella's bond to Edward in the first place. Jasper claimed it was because Carlisle and Edward think too much. Before Bella's cliff jump doubt in my vision had been inconceivable. Consequently, I was incapable of holding Carlisle's doubt against him and my faith in him was restored.

They say that alls well that ends well. Since Edward and Bella got engaged over the weekend, it ended well enough. Life would keep pushing them towards my vision despite both of their individual antics and combined pigheadedness. Despite the lessons Edward should have learned by now, he continued to try to thwart my attempts at making his life easier in the long run. Like having a wedding. They had, according to a vision, decided to run away to Vegas. Edward and I spent Saturday morning having one of our silent arguments. Edward wasn't budging, so I tried guilt-tripping Bella. That seemed to work a bit better. Why they didn't appreciate my efforts was beyond me.

However, all decisions have consequences. The consequences for Edward leaving Bella were a doosy. Bella's father is the best friend of the local tribal chief, Billy Black, whose son Jacob is a werewolf and two years Bella's junior. Well, when Edward forced the family to leave Bella was distraught and in her grief she leaned on Jacob as comfort. This seemingly created a strong friendship and bond between them. What a mess!

During the fight Jacob went and got himself hurt. Thus, Bella was distracted and did not appreciate the time and thought put into our girl time. She had wanted to run straight to Jacob's. That was unwise requiring me to remind her that she was soon to be a Cullen, and us Cullens were nothing but meticulously responsible. Thus, she needed to go home to her father Charlie and make sure everything was copasetic before heading over to Jacob's.

After Bella left, my husband and I spent some quality time together. We were in our post-coitus mood talking over the last few days, me telling him that Bella was almost certainly going to let me plan her wedding, him assessing the new fighting skills of our family and some new training techniques he wanted to teach us. My husband, always the strategist. You can take the uniform off, but well … Observing him has taught me how to better coordinate thing to produce the best outcome based on possible decisions. Anyway, we were like that, sharing, talking, catching up, kissing when one of the didn't ask, didn't search, but just took me over and came to me visions appeared.

Jazz is the perfect medicine for me. He knows that to do when one of those kinds of visions hit me. He holds me, keeps me safe, and waits for me to come out of it. He rubs my back and tells me that he's there with me. With Jasper gift he can feel the emotional tenor of the vision in the midst of it showing itself to me. Consequently, he knows what the tone of the vision is. He also uses his gift to absorb my emotions so they aren't so overwhelming and to direct emotions towards me that might help calm me. That also helps quite a bit.

This vision transports me to a road at night. A truck is moving toward me fairly rapidly as it travels down the road. It's not a large hauling truck, or even the kind like Emmett's Jeep that are designed for off-roading. No, it's more like a regular flatbed truck. It's hard to see exactly what kind of truck because the headlights are on full beam and are staring right at me. The amount to light overshadows everything else. The truck is loud. The engine has a deep throaty sound with a strong clunking sound that repeats every 11.32 seconds.

Faintly in comparison to the truck, there is a distinctly different sound nearby and to my left. My brain easily supplies the information that it is the sound of hooves on twigs and ferns and gentle chewing. Then there is no chewing. Soon the sound of hooves touching the ground grows louder at an increasing rate. The scent is familiar.

Just as the lights are about to barrel down into me a buck jumps from my left onto the hood of the truck. The momentum of the truck colliding with the deer breaks the deer's legs and sends the deer into the windshield. The glass breaks into so many fragments I can't count them all fast enough. Time seems to slow down as the body of the deer along with the glass hits the driver pushing the driver's head into the back of the truck. The sound of the deer yelping and the glass shattering was bad enough, but then there is the sound of a head hitting metal. It sounds like eggs being cracked. Fear overcomes me as my brain quickly supplies what that sound means and cracked a human brain is never good. The impact must have been severe to the driver because the truck moves to my left as if by its own accord passing me colliding into a tree where it stops moving even though the engine is still running. The scent of blood touches on my tongue causing me to force my body to freeze in place. The lights are no longer blaring at me and the blood is familiar. Before my brain can supply the information, I quiver intuitively knowing who the driver is. It is Bella. Bella cracked her egg.

Without warning I am wretched into another vision. Bella is on the ground again covered in glass. No, not glass my brain quickly registers; it's crystal. This is Bella's eighteenth birthday party. The birthday that Bella insisted she not celebrate. Her arm is bleeding profusely. There is so much wasted blood. Edward is in a crouch as desperate to drink it as he is from stopping anyone else from getting near her. Emmett and Rosalie just forced Jasper out the door. And Esme is close behind. My desire to stay with Bella is strong, yet Jasper needs me. Carlisle touches Edward, reassures him, and Edward lets him pass. Then Carlisle asks me to get his medical bag. After completing his request, we convince Edward to help Jasper. I want to stay, but I can't anymore. The scent of the blood is becoming too much and lunging at my best friend would be a bad idea. This leaves just Carlisle with her. Everything will be okay. Bella will become one of us. But I couldn't I couldn't help wonder if the party was such a good idea after all.

I am torn away and am with Bella. She is still on the ground but there's no crystal instead it's glass again only this time it's mirrored glass. Her leg is broken, her head is bleeding profusely, and there is a wound on her wrist. The blood is just dripping out of her begging to be drunk. She is screaming at Edward to stop the fire. Carlisle is attempting to stop the bleeding from her head. I stand there trying to figure out how to help make Bella better. Jasper and Emmett are nearby, but in the background. Bella is not going to die. We saved her, but she doesn't look good.

Then I am transported to a hospital. Bella is in a bed wrapped up in plaster and bandages. She doesn't smell like Bella. Something is off about her. Looking over at Edward he nods at me and at my prodding goes to find Carlisle as I promise to stay beside her. Feeling unsure of what to do, of how to make things better, and powerless, because even though we stopped the vision where she died, I can't shake the sense that I didn't do enough to protect my best friend.

I'm pulled to a different hospital. Bella doesn't look so hurt. She looks pissed. Some other boy from our high school class, Tyler, is brought in next to her. Edward walks in and Bella tries to burn him with her eyes. He laughs at her reaction to him.

Then I'm back in the high school parking lot. We just arrived at school. A vision of a van skidding on the ice and hitting another student distracts me. We need to get out of there before blood is spilled. Jazz can't fail again. He had made too much progress. Before any words are spoken Edward had sprinted across the parking lot and saved the student. Now we have a different problem.

I am suddenly sitting in class. It must be fifth period. A vision of Edward killing a room full of students and drinking from one of them overwhelms me. I excuse myself from class and run towards Edward hoping I will get there in time to stop him. The smell of blood is yet in the air. Maybe there's enough time. Before arriving to Edward another vision of Edward killing a room full of students invades my mind, then another, then another, and then another. They come so fast. Then in another vision he's not in the classroom. Instead he's luring the girl into another room where he drinks from her. The bell rings. I walk towards his classroom knowing that I will arrive too late to stop him. I hope to at least follow his scent and help cover our tracks. There's no scent of fresh blood, but Edward is a neat hunter. His scent leaves the building. We'll have to move. After the last bell Edward is at our car, but the evidence isn't there in his eyes. He didn't kill her after all. I was wrong.

Then, as if my mind had been unceremoniously dropped into my body, I felt disorientated. Opening my eyes I found Jasper staring into them.

"That must have been a bad one June bug."

Those were the exact words needed to soothe me. Nodding I pressed myself into his chest, took in his scent, grounded myself in his essence and then deciphered the vision.

The last one was a memory of the first time Edward caught Bella's scent.

The one before was when he saved her from the van.

The one before was Bella in hospital after the van episode.

The one before was her recovering from James' attack.

The one before was when James attacked her.

The one before was the accident that caused Edward to leave Bella.

The first was new. It was like the one of Bella cliff jumping. That means that it was in motion or just about to happen. Oh no!

While jumping out of bed, as quickly as possible, I explained to Jasper about the first part of the vision. There was a distinct possibility that my words didn't make sense. Ordering him to call Carlisle and Edward who are still at hospital, I called Billy Black.

As soon as the phone connected I started speaking. "Billy, this is Alice, Carlisle's daughter. I'm worried about Bella. Well, maybe, probably already, worried she might get into an accident. I'm not sure the timing actually. On the road to your house and there are lots of deer. Would you please send Sam or someone else nearby? We're on our way, but time is of the essence and it'll take us a few minutes."

I hang up before he had the chance to answer. At the same time, I threw on clothes and bolted as fast as possible towards Bella.

My brain barely registered that Jasper told Esme as he moves to the garage, "Bella's been in an accident, please go find Rosalie and Emmett in case we need to change her and bring her to the house."

They had gone off after the battle to hunt and play in the forests and had yet to come back. Esme had returned to the house with Bella and I keeping herself busy tending to Bella's human needs and doing her projects.

Jasper drove past me in Edward's Volvo only slowing down slightly in order to pick me up. Once the door closed he sped towards the route Bella would most likely of taken. A second later he handed me shoes. I slipped them on while focusing on the gratitude I feel for this small consideration. Jasper spent the short drive trying to calm me so that he might understand me better. I was desperate to look ahead to see if Bella would be all right, but my fear was preventing me. All that was in front of my eyes was her cracked skull.

Bella's truck was exactly where the vision said it would be. Everything matched. By the time we get there Sam had already found her and ripped the door off.

"Get in," I yelled while I opened the back passenger door.

Jasper had manoeuvred the car so it was closest to Sam and Bella.

Sam hesitated, but must have decided that our car would be faster than running and slid her in. It was obvious that he wasn't going to get in with us. Despite fighting together he still didn't trust us completely. There was enough trust to give us Bella, but no more.

"Thanks," I yelled as we sped away. Looking over at my husband who was holding his breath and trying desperately to maintain control I asked, "You going to be okay, Jazz?"

We really couldn't have a repeat of Bella's birthday party. Luckily there was only his bloodlust and my own for him to manage.

He didn't dare speak and simply nodded slowly.

Him having a bleeding human in the car and maintaining control gave me pride. I focused on my positive peaceful emotions as well as courage, pride, and love.

"Alice," Jazz said warningly about halfway to the hospital letting me know that his control was reaching its limits. We didn't have much time left.

Just then Carlisle's car was in view.

 _Pull over_ , I commanded Edward.

"Jazz, please drive Carlisle's car. I'll meet you in the hospital garage." He nodded gratefully and sprinted into the driver's seat while Edward and Carlisle came to me. Fortunately we were on a stretch of the road where there would be no witnesses for our inhuman behaviour. Jasper's face filled with relief as he got into Carlisle's car.

"Edward, up front," I insisted.

He went to object, but must have changed his mind because he slid into the driver's seat.

Carlisle got into the back with his medical bag and started working on Bella.

As Edward drove the three of us debated what to do about Bella. Carlisle believed her to be stable, I didn't want to take the risk and suggested we change her, and there were our neighbouring wolves to consider. Edward seemed torn, but ultimately chose to stick with their plan of getting married and going away to college before changing Bella. This was what Edward wanted, but what Edward wants isn't always for the best. Unfortunately, I was not yet calm enough to be able to search the future and a decision was needed.

Carlisle took out his phone and called the hospital explaining the emergency, so that when Edward pulled up to the front door 2.6 minutes later they were ready to take her. Almost certainly I had never seen Edward drive faster.

As they walked away from the car, Carlisle gave instructions to the staff. Lots of test by the sound of it. And just like that no one was in the car beside myself. Unscrupulously responsible was what it meant to be a Cullen. Needing to appear human in this settling, I got in the driver's seat, went round to the garage to find Jazz, parked the car, and bounded towards him at a human pace. He enveloped me in a feeling of tranquillity. In response, I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist kissing him strongly and passionately needing to reconnect to reality. When my gift pulled at me past, present, and future became muddled. It made moments, these moments even more precious. This wasn't a vision. It wasn't the future. It wasn't a could have been. It was real.

"Shhh June bug. You're okay. I've got you," my major reassured me, yet he did not siphon off any of my anger. "Want to talk about it?" he asked softly into my ear.

"He should have changed her. The wolf wouldn't have given her to us if changing her would have caused a war." My tone was desperate and full of my fears.

Jazz tilted his head as if to ask why Edward hadn't changed her.

"Because of his backward human ideas. He's trying to keep her human as long as possible."

"Still?" he asked with an exasperation like will he never learn.

"Once again he's letting his ideas trump and Carlisle's agreeing," I complained.

"What is ahead?"

"I haven't been calm enough to look yet," I admitted.

"May I help?"

I nodded as I stared into the eyes that righted the world and made his words true while he gave me the calmness he had and I told him, "You did real well Jazz. I'm proud of you."

"Well, shucks, thanks, ma'am," he responded in his thick Texas southern drawl teasingly.

I stared into his eyes some more. "Let's go home. You drive. I'll text Edward and let him know. You okay in the Volvo?"

"I'd rather not chance it," he answered.

"You did great." Kissing him I went back to the Volvo placing the keys in the centre consol and then pulled out my phone while we walked back to the Mercedes.

Too much excitement for J. Left the Volvo. Key in centre consol. Heading home. Call if you need anything.

Jazz's hand was in mine while he drove us home with the other. We sat together in silence expressing ourselves through our emotional temperature. When Jazz was more settled and the atmosphere was calm enough I steadied myself and looked into the future.

Purposefully looking has always been a tricky business because the future is made up of thousands upon thousands of decisions. In the beginning when I looked in this way my mind had been flooded with too many possibilities. Learning how to sort and narrow had been gruelling. It was such a reflex now that perhaps even Edward might not see the sorting process. Searching for the future where Bella woke up told me that there was a good chance of that happening. There were some flashes of a man in a doctor's coat that didn't make sense, but in one he was at the end of Bella's bed writing notes, so I assumed he would be her primary doctor. I checked the farther future and Bella as a newborn was still there. Relief filled me. She would wake up. Now the present just needed to catch up to the vision.

* * *

 _A/N: I want to state from the beginning that this story would not be possible without the encouragement and mentorship of Jessica314. I am also appreciative to Haemophilus Leona for talking through character development with me, kiwihipp's unending feedback and support through My Family is Odd, which helped strengthen this story, EdwardsMate4ever for her continuous support through My Family is Odd, and Pixiestick-cc_ ' _s writing critics which helped me find a way to speak from four different voices. No writer is an island. I am grateful to have found such incredible writers and fans. I hope you enjoy this story._


	2. Edward–Everything Changed

Chapter 2: Edward–Everything Changed

* * *

Carlisle and I had spent most of the day at the Black's. When we got there Billy Black and Bella's father, Charlie, as well as most of the pack were waiting for us. It was really crowded.

Most of my existence I have wished that Carlisle hadn't turned me, that saving me from certain death hadn't necessitated turning me into a vampire. Apart from the eternal damnation, since creatures that crave human blood couldn't possible have souls, I have hated what a monster I am under my well-crafted illusion of humanity. Carlisle taught me, and taught me well, how to appear human, to blend in, but at the end of the day I am not human. Rather the truth is that humans are my natural food source.

Everything changed with Isabella Swan. Since Bella came into my life, I began to understand Carlisle, my sire and father, better. Noticing for the first time the price he has paid for being the head of our family, I was able to forgive him. More than that Bella transformed my internal sense of self. I have taken significant steps towards forgiving myself for my past, have become more patient, have stopped trying to force things my way, and have tried to listen to what she says she needs from me. But I can still be petty and jealous like this morning. Well, really it started last night.

Bella and I were camping with Jacob Black, her best friend, who was with us keeping watch. Even though Alice warned me, Bella was shivering due to being inadequately prepared for the freak snowstorm. As my body temperature is colder than a human's I was unable to assist her whereas Jacob's body temperature runs hotter than humans, due to him being a werewolf. He slyly offered to slide into Bella's sleeping roll to warm her up.

Anyone but Jacob sleeping next to Bella might not had been so bad, but Jacob believed he was in love with Bella and had been thus trying to take away from me my reason for existence. Since my return to Bella Jacob had been using my telepathy to project at me lewd mental pictures of Bella and himself or memories of how she was after I left. It had been challenging, but I had gotten better at not allowing Jacob's mental flaunting to goad me.

My patience gone by the morning I had mentioned within Jacob's hearing range that Bella was going to marry me. Jacob did not react well, as expected. Bella, naturally, took Jacob's pain to be her fault. Jacob ran off, and Bella wanted to follow. Afraid Bella would get lost, I went and got Jacob, and gave them some privacy. Jacob basically said he would go and get himself killed in the fight that was coming in less than fifteen minutes unless she kissed him. She took the bait, realized that she loved him, and upon my return begged me to verbally flog her.

My jealousy and petty desire to get back at Jacob was the catalyst that drove my fiancé into kissing another man. That wasn't the kind of man Bella deserved. She deserved the very best–for me to be honourable and a gentleman. She shouldn't be torn in two.

A while back, upon my request, Alice agreed to hold Bella hostage while I hunted. Needless to say it didn't work. Worse, Esme greeted me upon my return.

"Edward Anthony Cullen why on earth did you have Alice attempting to hold Bella against her will?"

Esme asking me this kind of question out loud wasn't a good sign. Esme was rarely upset, but when she was there was usually a really good reason. I probably looked like I had gotten my hand caught in a cookie jar.

"I was worried about her," I attempted to explain.

She looked at me squarely. "Are you planning on becoming a tyrant?" she asked softly.

"No, ma'am," I looked back at her confused both at the question and her asking it out loud.

 _Did you not see from my human memories how Charles used to hold me captive, tell me what I could or could not do, who I could be friends with, where I could or could not go? I hoped to raise you better._

Esme's comparisons of my actions to her abusive ex-husband along with the pictures they conjured in her drowned me in guilt. "I'm so sorry, mom."

She pulled me into her arms. _I know it's hard, son, but to love means to give freedom. Love by any kind of force isn't love. Right now your physical capacity far outstrips hers. You can't use that as an excuse nor her fragile nature. Go to her, talk to her, find a way forward that you can both agree to. Okay?_

"Yes, ma'am." I whispered into her ear, "I really am sorry, mom. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I can see that I wasn't."

Going up to my room Bella was sleeping. Determined to change my ways I would tell her so as soon as she woke up.

Given what happened between her and Jacob, it would seem that I still have some room for improvement.

After Jacob got hurt during the fight and everything was said and done, I offered to redeem my poor behaviour and petty desires by accompanying Carlisle to the Blacks to reset Jacob's bones. The advantage of being a werewolf is fast healing, but unfortunately the bones weren't healing correctly, so they had to be rebroken and reset. Carlisle needed a hand.

Werewolves and vampires are natural enemies. Everything about us repels the other species. It is only through Carlisle's immense compassion and self-control that we made the original treaty with the Quileutes. It was only through our mutual desire to protect Bella and the other humans of Forks that led to us cooperating today. Then in another landmark moment, Carlisle was permitted, with me by his side, this exception to the treaty of crossing into their lands in order to aid Jacob because none of the Quileutes were as skilled with medicine as Carlisle. We had an uneasy peace. That neither stopped the snarls and glares Carlisle and I received when we entered the Black's home nor the mental insults my telepathy afforded me. It also didn't stop my own physical reaction that I had to repress.

It was a horrible procedure. Many of the pack asked Billy if we were killing Jacob instead of healing him. Finally though, we had the ribs rebroken and Carlisle affirmed that they were beginning to heal appropriately. He also checked the rest of Jacob ensuring everything else was healing as it should. He gave Jacob a bunch of morphine to help with the pain. Drug induced sleeping Jacob was beside me while Carlisle went to ask Billy about taking some blood. It was a tense discussion, but in the end Carlisle persuaded Billy. It is incredible actually about how Carlisle shapes the world around him to suit his vision doing so with nothing more than compassion and words. Maybe it's his gift.

After taking a couple of vials of blood, Carlisle drove us to the hospital. He requested my assistance to run a battery of tests.

 _Any thoughts that we need to be concerned about?_ Carlisle asked on the way.

I riffled through my memory. "It's harder for some than others to be civil towards us, but nothing significant on that front. A lot of them were speculating about the Volturi. The predominant thought was that they are some form of vampire Mafia." I smiled.

Few vampires would agree with that analogy, but it wasn't too far off.

Carlisle shook his head. _Speculation is fine. Continue._

"They haven't formally decided if turning Bella violates the treaty. Most of the pack value individual choice and figure that if she chooses it then there's no violation. I think today went a long way to winning allies and perhaps even friends."

 _The young wolf who fought with you … Seth seems particularly easy with us._

"Yes, he sees me as his champion-in-arms. His opinion and memory of us fighting together is making a dent in old prejudices."

We sat for a number of moments while Carlisle mentally relayed the tests he wanted and their procedures. Then his mind changed directions. _Bella sure has changed things between the Quileutes and us._

I smiled broadly. "Yes, she's like Alice in that way–a force to be reckoned with. Did you hear in all the activity that she said yes?"

"Congratulations. I'm incredibly glad for you son." His whole continence radiated joy. _So, you'll change her?_

Despite my belief that she deserved better, we had reached a compromise. Sighing in dislike of the idea I answered heavily, "Yes."

 _I'm proud of you. It shows a lot of maturity to listen to what someone we love says they want even if we don't agree. I believe that you will be glad you did it in the long run. There's something potent knowing that your venom flows through her veins even if it is that same venom that caused her pain for three days._

I considered that unwilling to admit that the thought of him biting her and injecting his venom in her nearly undid me with a form of jealousy. Rationally I had no reason to respond in such a way as her asking Carlisle had been my own doing, but it didn't stop my emotional response. I was too ashamed to voice that my body shook with longing to taste her one last time and my desire to keep everyone's teeth except mine away from her. "It's my own doing anyway," I admitted instead. "If I hadn't gone to the Volturi … well … anyway …"

 _Well, yes, we all wish that hadn't happened, but it's in the past now, Edward. Let it go._

"So, yes. A specific date isn't set, but with them showing up after the fight …"

 _Yes, indeed._

Arriving at the hospital Carlisle went and did all the paperwork so that he and I could have a lab to ourselves. He had promised Billy that the blood wouldn't get into anyone else's hands, and we couldn't risk their exposure for our own sake anyway. We each focused on our tests occasionally telling the other a result or asking the other to explore a possible quandary. Working with Carlisle in this way was delightful. He seemed more youthful and we easily slid into the roles of peers that we had before Esme.

At 7:17pm Carlisle's phone rang. It was Jasper relaying that Alice had a vision of Bella getting hurt. My immediate thought was to run to her. Carlisle interrupted me before I could leave.

 _Get my medical bag and meet me in front of the hospital_ , he commanded while he continued to talk to Jasper.

My physical body resisted the command. It didn't matter what Carlisle said, it wanted to be running in her direction. To do as Carlisle had requested required great mental fortitude over my body. Reminding myself over and over that he had Bella's best interests at heart and going with Carlisle was what was best for Bella allowed me to put one foot in front in another in a direction my body was resistant to go. He, the man who would choose any path over violence, had just hours before aided in the destruction of an army of newborn vampires because they were determined to kill Bella. His love for his family had trumped everything else. My trust in Carlisle was implicit and complete. It was simply a struggle to get myself to do it.

Assuming he destroyed the samples and sterilized the lab, I waited 1.54 minutes for him each second taking longer than the last. By the time he finally arrived with the car he appeared greatly concerned and worry was evident on my features.

He mentally relayed the rest of his conversation with Jasper. I began to hear Alice's thoughts. The picture of Bella wasn't pretty. The consequence of my earlier decision pummelled me. If I hadn't been so juvenile and jealous then Bella and Jacob would have not kissed this morning and she wouldn't of been driving over to his house at this hour. Bella was hurt and once again it was my fault.

Alice commanded _Pull over_ shortly before the hum of my Volvo's engine could be heard _._

"Pull over, Dad."

He did and we ran to Bella. Why they were driving my Volvo was beyond me. Jasper flew into Carlisle's car.

"Edward, up front," Alice ordered.

Despite my desire to be with Bella, I knew she was in better medical hands with Carlisle.

"Is she …" I looked at Alice.

"I don't know, Edward. I didn't have time to look. I just fled the house and came as quick as I could. Jazz was the one to think of the car."

It must have been a bad vision. What she sees didn't usually fluster Alice.

"Carlisle?" I asked trying to modulate my voice.

"I can't tell. I won't know until she wakes up."

"You could change her," Alice suggested.

I stifled a growl. Why was that Alice's go-to? She thought of the same thing when we had tried to keep Bella safe from a horrendous tracker named James.

I tried to explain, "It might start a war with the wolves. She's not dying. Is she, Carlisle?"

"She's unresponsive, but her heart sounds strong. However, if there would be complications her being at the hospital could prove challenging." Carlisle was thinking through all our options as he always did.

"What about Charlie? We went through this when it was James. If Bella just disappears he's likely to call the FBI," I pointed out. "We stick to the plan. We get married and then go away to college."

 _I hope you're right, Edward. I love her too._

 _Are you sure Edward, once there's a record it'll be more difficult?_ Carlisle asked.

Carlisle had a point, but as long as Bella wasn't dying I wanted to do everything in the right order. I wanted to get married first. Right now there were still options. We had been here before. Bella would be in the hospital and get well. The venom would heal any residual effects when it was time. She would be fine. She was tough.

None of my reasonable rational thoughts changed the deadening pain filling my chest. I could not live in a world that didn't have Bella in it. Yet I couldn't make the same choice again and go off to Italy. I was stuck. The less noble part of me wanted to say yes to them. Yes, save her at all cost. Yes, let me change her and we will deal with the consequences later. The pain searing through my body fought my rational thought attempting to push me into taking her now. What stopped me was my promise to Bella that we would try to be physically intimate before I changed her. I couldn't break my promise unless there was no other way.

"Yes, I'm sure," I stated heavily.

Carlisle called ahead explaining the emergency, so when I pulled up to the front door they were ready to take her.

I whispered in her ear, "Love, come back to me," right before she was wheeled away with Carlisle going with them giving instructions to the staff.

The staff would prohibit me from following so I proceeded to distract myself by double-checking the lab we had been using, just in case. Past experience told me that it would be a while before the staff would permit me into her room, and if her hospital visit after James was any indication it would be at least a few days before she woke up. At least by staying on hospital grounds I could keep track of what was happening to Bella through the thoughts of the staff. While heading to the lab a text arrived from Alice letting me know that her and Jasper were heading home.

After cleaning the lab thoroughly I called Charlie.

"Charlie, it's Edward."

Silence.

I stumbled on. "Charlie, Bella was in a car accident on her way to Billy's. Sam originally found her, but Alice and Jasper were driving by and offered to take her to the hospital. They called Carlisle, and Carlisle and I met them on their way. Bella is now here being looked after."

There was an even longer silence.

"Charlie?"

"I'll be right there."

"Okay. Ask for my dad."

Then he hung up.

For appearances sake, since Charlie would be here soon, I needed finish up. I triple checked the lab. It looked good. With great mental effort I dragged myself to sit in the waiting room still monitoring the thoughts of the staff in charge of Bella when Charlie's thoughts, scattered and fuzzy, but full of images of Bella invaded my mind. If I didn't want Charlie's thoughts to trump other humans, I would have to decrease my monitoring of Charlie. Fortunately Carlisle's mind trumped everyone else's unless I forced it otherwise, so some information about Bella was still being received.

When Charlie came in he marched straight past me.

"What room is Isabella Swan in, please?" he asked the receptionist.

"Let me check," she replied while looking through the records. _I wonder if that's his daughter. I sure hope she's all right. I've always liked Chief Swan,_ the receptionist thought."She hasn't been assigned a room yet; she's just out of the MRI and on her way to X-ray. Please take a seat. The doctor will be with you as soon as possible."

Then Charlie turned around. He spied me and glared.

"Heard anything yet?" he asked when he got near to me.

"No, sir. On the way Carlisle said that she was unconscious, but stable."

"Do you know what happened?"

"It might have been a deer, sir, but honestly Alice was quite shaken and didn't explain it all, so I might have been wrong on some of the details." I hoped that covered our collective stories. Making sense of the images in Alice's mind had been a challenge. Her vision was so mixed up with the night's events, that it felt prudent to hedge my bets.

Charlie started having mental pictures of Jacob hurt. I wondered why he thought about that right now. Perhaps it was because his best friend's son was hurt and now Bella. What were the chances?

"Did you call Billy?" Charlie asked gruffly.

"I didn't, sir. I assumed that since Sam found her, Billy was informed, but I couldn't say for sure, sir."

"Renée?"

"No, sir. I called you and have been sitting here waiting."

"You call Renée and I'll call Billy."

I probably failed in my attempt to hide my grimace because the corner of his mouth turned upward. I swear he likes to make me squirm.

"Yes, sir," I replied. This man would one day soon, I hoped, be my father-in-law. I would do anything to prove myself worthy of his daughter.

I stepped outside with no desire to talk to Bella's mom since she has a tendency to be melodramatic. The phone rang multiple times and then went to voicemail.

"Hi, Renée, Edward here. I wanted to let you know that Bella was in a car accident. She's being seen now. Call me when you get this."

Okay. That wasn't so bad. As I headed back into the waiting room Esme's mental voice entered my range.

 _I hope Edward's doing okay. I'm sure Carlisle's taking good care of her. They would have changed her and brought her home if it was serious. Alice said she'll wake up. It will be okay._

Charlie was already sitting in the waiting room. He looked at me expectantly.

"Voicemail, sir."

I sat down next to him. "Billy knew. Evidently Alice called him," he volunteered coldly.

"That was thoughtful of her. She must have been trying to reach Jacob to let him know." That must have been how Sam knew to look for Bella.

He nodded his head like that made sense. "Yes, she's a thoughtful girl," he admitted after a bit. "She still here?"

"No, she was very upset. She went home. She'll come visit Bella another time."

Another doctor was mentally looking over Bella's chart and wondering the same things Carlisle had when Bella came in from the van incident seventeen months ago–why Bella had so many fractures.

The test results flashed into Carlisle's mind. _Broken collarbone and hand fractured could have been much worse. Son, there was some swelling on the brain, but so far no concern of stroke_. _We might be in the clear._

I tried to continue to look pensive hoping that Carlisle would come out soon, so I could express my relief. Replaying those moments in the car I kept wondering if I made the right choice. If Bella had been awake what would she have wanted? She would have wanted to be saved no matter the cost, but after that? She had begged and bargained so that we would _try_. Hopefully Carlisle was right, we were in the clear, and that my choice had been the correct one.

Right then Esme came into the waiting room and following my scent found Charlie and I.

 _You okay?_ "How's Bella?" she asked me as she wrapped me in a hug.

I nodded at her. "We haven't heard yet, but Carlisle had said that her heart rate had been steady."

We sat down with her on my right and she wrapped her arm around me while Charlie sat a few chairs away.

"She'll be okay," she whispered at a human level.

"I hope so mom. I don't know how to live without her," I told her solemnly.

"You're not planning on anything dramatic are you?" her tone was worried. _You better not be young man. You promised me that you'd never put me through that again._ The tone of terror was clear.

"No, Mom," I whispered sincerely. I couldn't do that to them again. "Bella's going to wake up, we'll go away to college, and it'll be fine. She's tough." I wasn't sure who I was trying to convince–her or me.

 _Well Alice told me that she saw Bella waking up. You'll get married and then go to college and then change her. After that these types of situations won't be an issue._ "That she is son. That she is." She took her right hand and patted my knee while her left hand pulled me in tighter to her. A few moments passed before she spoke again. "Any idea when Carlisle will let us know?"

I cringed at the reality of Esme's thought. Bella really was too breakable as a human. She needed to be changed or for me to leave her. My plan to keep her human as long as possible wasn't sounding like such a great idea at the moment. Maybe this was Bella's urgency. She had said she knew what she wanted and she wanted to get on with it. Perhaps there was some fear that any moment it could be taken away. My belief that I was strong enough to protect her from anything had caused me to dismiss her fears. Suddenly they seemed perfectly reasonable and my objections stupidity incarnate. It wasn't Victoria or Laurent or the newborn army or the werewolves or my family or even me that caused this hospital visit. A deer had gotten to her of all things.

"No, but probably soon," I told Esme as I heard Carlisle's inner voice coming nearer.

Charlie tried sitting, but had ended up pacing. I was just about ready to hogtie him when Carlisle came out. He had the slightest fraction of surprise before he hid it. Then his face lit up as if he'd been holding in his joy of seeing Esme for too long.

 _You called Charlie?_

I nodded slightly.

Carlisle walked towards us and extended his hand when he caught Charlie's eye. "Hi, Charlie, I'm sorry to see you again under such circumstances. Bella seems to be fine considering. Her collarbone is broken and her hand that was already injured is slightly worse now. She did sustain a severe concussion, but so far we can't see any internal bleeding. We're keeping her sedated until all the bruising is down. I imagine it'll be at least 48 hours before we'll consider allowing her to wake up. She should be assigned a room and moved up there shortly."

Relief swelled into Charlie's face and his eyes moistened. "Thank you." His voice was one of professional detachment.

Esme smiled in relief and I allowed this good news to finally be released.

Carlisle watched Charlie attentively. "You're welcome. You're daughter is a lucky girl."

Charlie went to walk away.

Carlisle saw the intended movement before Charlie had put any space between them. "Um, sorry, Charlie, can we talk privately for a moment please."

Charlie's eyebrows creased together and his lines on his forehead become more pronounced. "Okay, sure." He sounded hesitant and concerned.

Carlisle smiled at Esme as he turned as led Charlie into a side private room, which gave them complete privacy from other humans.

Esme looked at me concerned.

I looked at her eyes attempting to reassure her.

 _Yes, I'm sure it will be fine. Alice would have seen anything untoward._

We relied too much on Alice's gift, me more than anyone. Alice's gift didn't save Bella from being in hospital. Maybe my family had been correct. Perhaps I should have changed her already. I couldn't for the life of me get my mind to remember what had been holding me back. Carlisle had suggested and I had insisted she wait to be changed after graduation. I had refused her being changed until after Victoria and her army was dealt with. For what? For more human moments that she wouldn't have if she died? The fear of losing her was greater than my morals and rationalizations. In that moment I only wanted her alive and well and in my arms. It might not have been what was best for Bella, but my whole being refused to consider anything else.

"A doctor here is concerned about the amount of Bella's injuries in her medical record," Carlisle told Charlie in a subdued tone. "She's legally an adult now, and I've tried to explain to him what you and Renée have told me about how clumsy she was and still is somewhat. I also explained to him how many accidents I've seen your daughter have since I met her. Her punching Jacob just being the most recent. Anyway, I wanted to give you a heads up that this doctor has a real concern. I can't seem to placate him, so he might come asking you some questions."

Esme and I sat back down and exchanged similar looks as we had before. We both knew that news wouldn't be good for us.

"Okay," Charlie acknowledged sounding formal. "I appreciate the warning. What's his name?"

 _Charlie must be very upset,_ Esme determined.

I nodded my agreement.

"Dr. Whitaker." When he said the name a mental picture of the doctor appeared.

That would be of great help to me.

"Oh, and Bella has a recent scar on the inside of her elbow joint from something sharp like a rock," Carlisle continued with professional ease. "Know anything about that?" he asked innocently.

I could easily imagine Charlie's face upon hearing that his daughter had one more scar. I flinched and then hung my head knowing exactly how Bella had gotten that scar–she had done it to herself in a ridiculous attempt to protect me during the fight.

 _Edward, now, that wasn't your fault. She just wanted to help you. She loves you. It was reckless on her part for sure, but you too have made foolish choices in your attempts to protect her. You both are young and learning. Just talk to her when she wakes up and explain why that wasn't wise on her part._

I nodded appreciating my mother's confidence in Bella and I having a conversation in the future. In reality I had already talked to Bella about how foolish she had been to cut herself like she had, but it hadn't changed the sense of guilt I felt at there being one more scar on her body as a result of me being in her life.

 _Now stop that Edward. Enough. What is done is done. She needs you to be strong now not consumed with what has already happened._

"Okay, Mom, I'll try," I murmured in our sub-human tone.

Would knowing that when Bella was turned that the scars would all disappear comfort Charlie? I doubted it. The thought brought me no comfort. Knowing Charlie's dislike of me he would probably be repulsed and blame me.

"Hmm … no, but knowing Bella she likely ran into something accidentally," Charlie told Carlisle.

 _We're in the clear about that injury. If Dr. Whitaker asks, tell him the same answer that Charlie just said unless you can think of something better._ "That was my thinking exactly," Carlisle said to Charlie with a camaraderie I rarely witnessed from Carlisle.

"Okay. Thanks again." Charlie's voice was rough, but calmer.

 _Well at least Charlie's on our side. Him being the chief of police doesn't hurt._

I nodded in agreement.

"Anytime, Charlie. Knowing those two, we'll be related sometime in the future." I could hear the smile on Carlisle's voice as he thought about me becoming married.

"Yeah, probably," Charlie grumbled.

 _Edward, be careful. Dr. Whitaker is smart and inquisitive._

Carlisle's unique gait indicated that he went back to work while Charlie came back to the waiting room.

I thought over Carlisle's warning. A sense of powerlessness that had overcome me the last time Bella was hospitalized threatened to drown me. At the same time my whole being wanted to sit next to her. Carlisle would need to stay at the hospital. Bella would be fine with Carlisle watching over her. He was the best doctor she could have. I needed to warn my sibling and we would need to address this threat. Warring with myself it took a couple of mental repetitions before my body was willing to obey my request. It was painful to leave.

Esme pulled me in tightly almost holding me together.

"Hey, Charlie, I haven't been home all day," I told him. "I need a shower, and if Bella isn't going to be awake, then I was thinking of heading home. Maybe even getting some shuteye. But I can stay if you need to go home, sir."

I looked over at Esme out of the corner of my eye. She nodded in agreement. _Yes, going home and regrouping would be best._

Charlie paused flashes of how I usually wouldn't let Bella out of my sight came through. "Fine. I'm not going anywhere," he barked in response. "How about you Esme?" he asked in a kind tone.

Hopefully me leaving for these few hours would help me win some points with Charlie, especially since if there was any questions raised it would be especially helpful to have the Chief of Police on our side.

"I'm going to drive Edward home," she answered gently and kindly.

He nodded in agreement.

"Okay. I'll be back in the morning during visiting hours," I told him emphatically. He couldn't get rid of me that easily.

Charlie nodded and internally complained about me having to come back. Despite my relentless efforts, I still hadn't come close to winning him over. Good thing Bella loved me as much as she did and it wasn't the era I had been born into, otherwise it was highly doubtful that she would be allowed in my life.

Esme and I exited the building together. Every step away from Bella felt numbing. Was this how she felt when I had left her in the forest after her eighteenth birthday? It was as if my body was preparing for me to walk away from her again. It never felt that way when I went hunting. I wondered why that was. Esme still had her arm around me almost pulling me towards the car.

 _You're doing the right thing, Edward. I know it's hard. You can do this for our family and for Bella._

I only managed to nod. Every part of my being wanted to go back to Bella and sit by her bedside _without Charlie_ , so I could pretend that she wasn't in the hospital in a coma. But my family needed me. There was a threat. And Bella was being _well taken care of_ I reminded myself over and over. How many times had Carlisle reminded me of my responsibilities to the family since we got back to Forks?

 _Your love is new, Edward, so it is bound to be all-consuming, but you are a part of this family and_ cannot _forget your obligations._ It was always something along those lines.

I repetitively reminded myself that tomorrow wasn't long to wait and that Bella was in good hands as Esme pulled me towards the car at a gingerly human pace and I had to consciously force myself to put one foot in front of the other. Feeling the wind pass over my body at a running pace would have been preferred, however convincing my body to leave her any quicker was doubtful. I wasn't even sure if I could have done it without Esme's gentle assurance and tugging. At the same time, if Carlisle was worried once again because of my choices, then the least I could do was make an extra show of being human.

"Thanks, Mom," I finally said once we were enough out of town that the clutter in my head had calmed down.

"Sure. Anytime." _We need to tell the family._ Concern was written on her face. _What did Carlisle say to you?_

I nodded in agreement making sure my tone was even. "Mom, it's been a long day. Can we talk bout this at home?"

"Of course." Then she put her hand on my knee and patted it.

Her thoughts were consumed with worry about Bella and my cryptic behaviour as she drove home.

As we got close Rosalie was musing about why we were back already and had concluded that something was wrong. _I hope Edward didn't screw up something else._

Emmett was mentally going through the battle with the newborns, analyzing every move he made, how the rest of the family fought, particularly Jasper and Rosalie, and how he could improve for next time.

I hoped to God there wasn't a next time.

Alice and Jasper were both worried about Bella and strategizing in their own ways.

Esme pulled the car into the garage.

"Mom, I know it's a lot to ask, but could you lock up the house tonight?" I asked as I got out of the car.

"Sure, Edward," she answered terse worry written on her face.

Everyone heard me and knew what that meant.

Esme went and pushed in the key code. Metal shutters came down over all the glass.

Rosalie and Emmett were already in the living room by the time I walked in. Rosalie stared at me with a look of, what have you done now, while her thoughts were still trying to figure out what it could be _this time_.

Alice was heading down.

Jasper grabbed his equipment and began scanning for listening devices starting with my bedroom.

While he did this we all sat still listening for anything within our hearing range. Alice was checking the future while I checked within my telepathic range. No one seemed to pick up anything unusual.

 _Clear,_ Jasper reported.

"I hope I'm overreacting," I began apologetically, "but Dad said there was doctor suspicious of Bella's injuries. Dad warned Charlie and then me. We came straight home."

Both Alice and Emmett asked me, _What about Bella?_ at almost the same time.

Rosalie mentally shuddered at the idea of another threat and thought, _Not again_.

Emmett's next thought was _Bring it!_

 _Thank you for leaving Bella to come tell us,_ Jasper conveyed.

He had probably picked up what a mess I was emotionally, but I tried to keep it contained for my sake and Jasper's. I nodded at Jasper.

"Bella has a severe concussion, so will be sedated for at least the next 48 hours, but so far so good," I reported.

"Could it be the Volturi?" asked Rosalie.

"Unlikely since they just left," Jasper answered.

"FBI?" Emmett asked.

"They have no cause as far as I can tell," Jasper answered again.

"So, maybe I overreacted." My shoulder's slumped. My body craved to run back to the hospital. "Just, the last time we had something suspicious happen we ended up fighting eighteen newborns," I explained.

I was appreciative of my family's reactions. Considering all that we'd gone through they were handling my possible screw-up well. Everyone was grateful that this time we might be over prepared than under prepared.

I looked at the television remembering the moment when Jasper let us in on his suspicion that a newborn army might have been the cause for all the unexplained deaths and disappearances in Seattle. Although it did unite us with the wolves, it was the first time that every family member had needed to physically defend ourselves as a family.

Everyone thought over the last 24 hours and looked at each other. We were all here, and apart from Jasper getting bit none of us were hurt. It was something to be grateful for, but it had been mentally and probably emotionally difficult for them each in their own way. Esme particularly was trying to reconcile killing our own kind with her normal gentle loving way of being. The memory also created an odd reaction in Jasper. His thoughts were simultaneously proud of how we fought together, how we stood together as the Volturi came, how disappointed they were, while also struggling with how ruthless he had been. He had never fought so desperately before and he hadn't mentally reconciled all those pieces yet.

"Charlie?" Jasper asked.

"Grateful I called him, worried about Bella, and cooperative with Carlisle. I have a feeling that he's not going to be leaving the hospital anytime soon, which changes things in terms of visitation in comparison to when Bella was injured in Phoenix."

Jasper, Alice, and Esme nodded.

I began to hear Carlisle's thoughts. As usual he was summarizing and sorting through his cases, making mental inquires, diagnosing, and mentally hypothesising treatments.

Carlisle's car was on the driveway, then him parking it in the garage, and eventually his gait as he moved towards the house until he asked me, _Going to let me in, son?_

"Sorry, Dad."

I went in and punched in the code. The shutters went back into hiding and Carlisle walked in.


	3. Jacob–Worst Day Ever

Chapter 3: Jacob–Worst Day Ever

* * *

I was an idiot and was paying for it. Not only was I the only one who got hurt in the fight, Seth was the one with the gloating rights. It wasn't pretty. I had paid for my idiocy with a whole busted up side, which included the humiliation of being unable to leave the battlefield on my own two feet. So, instead of returning the hero, the pack had carried me home. Since every movement hurt, the procession included me screaming and swearing.

Other than the fever that we got right before we phased for the first time, we didn't get sick, not to mention being a werewolf comes with super fast healing. Consequently, usually us pack members didn't need doctors. However, adding insult to injury, Sam had reluctantly admitted that my busted up side probably needed a doctor's examination and he didn't know how to treat me properly. Since Sam couldn't treat me and there wasn't a ton of werewolf doctors around, there were slim pickings in terms of options.

So get this, the bloodsucker doctor got to be the hero and had a house visit. Now my house stank. He was the only real option, but seriously? Our natural enemy came into my house and got to play doc with me. Dad was just glad that the doc was willing to come and "repair me". Torture me was more like it. Not only that, but then the vermin who wanted to suck the life out of my girl Bella came as well under the pretence of helping the doc.

The whole pack stayed after carrying me to the house, so it was full. Charlie was here, but Dad was distracting him. Once I was settled everyone found a place to sit mostly in my bedroom. Needless to say it was crowded and it was written all over their faces that they couldn't help but think about the fight or why they were in my house, so it didn't take long before the mumbling increased. I wished Dad would kick Charlie out so we could talk properly. Probably that held others back as well. Finally Paul broke the silence.

"Seriously, man, I don't get it. It's our land. Why should we give them safe passage? We could have just met them on neutral territory."

There were a few grumbled agreements, but Embry defended me. Having Embry and Quil a part of the pack made being a wolf bearable. They were good friends before and we were even closer as wolves.

"Well, no one was thinking about that when Jake was screaming and hollering and swearing. The doc said he'd come here and no one objected. It's already done. Get over it."

"Come on, guys, really what's going to happen? They're seriously out numbered," Jared added. "Not like there was any objections at the time," he said under his breath.

"The Cullens aren't welcomed here. Period. There shouldn't be exceptions," Paul argued giving Jared a scathing look.

"So, we shouldn't let him treat Jacob?" Quil asked incredulously.

"No. We take care of our own. We don't need the likes of him."

"He said that the bones needed to be reset. Know anyone in the tribe who can do that?" Embry countered.

"It's not like we're going to go to the hospital," Seth pointed out.

Everyone shook his or her heads no. In the paleface world I would just become a lab specimen, and our secret would be out. At least everyone agreed on that point.

"They shouldn't be handed a get out of jail free card to come onto our lands because Jake's an idiot and needs fixing."

Paul was getting on my nerves. Sure. I didn't want them on our land and certainly not in my house; nevertheless, Paul was pissing me off.

"Leah was the idiot trying to prove something because she didn't like her assignment," I pointed out. "I was just trying to save her skin."

"He was leaving my area. I _was_ doing my job. I had it, Jake. I didn't need your help."

"Yeah, right, Leah. You just wanted to show off. Prove something. Well, you proved it."

"I'll prove you something. Any time. Any place."

"Come on, Jake. Cool it down."

Leah gave Sam the evil eye. She didn't like to be defended by her ex-boyfriend.

Dad's wheels could be heard coming closer, so we all shut it including Sam.

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," Dad interjected.

How he distracted Charlie and kept up with our bickering was beyond me. Perhaps we had gotten more vocal than I had thought.

"We are lucky that despite our misgivings about the Cullens," he paused briefly and looked away from us to determine if Charlie was paying attention, "that Dr. Cullen is willing to lend his medical expertise to aid in Jake's healing, _and_ do so as a house visit. He doesn't have to do either, you know. It's very generous of him."

A number of them mumbled, "Generous, yeah, over his dead cold-body," but no one dared opening contradict Dad. He was an elder after all.

"Guys, really, you should have seen him. He was brutal," Seth offered as a distraction.

Through Seth's eyes we had only seen parts of the vermin's fight as Seth had been focused on the red-headed's lackey. Nevertheless, we all had agreed from the parts we had witnessed that the vermin was a calculated vicious killer just like I had been telling them from the beginning.

Charlie shuffled in his seat as if in anticipation of an explanation.

Fortunately for us all, Seth caught the sound before he continued. "Those _wrestlers_ fought against the bad guys. You have to admit that."

A few grumbled agreement.

"The big guy did have some wicked moves," Embry admitted reluctantly.

Leah had resented that Sam had her act as watchdog over the Cullens. Sam's rationale had been two fold. One, we needed to make sure none of those red-eyed bloodsuckers got past the Cullens. Two, we had agreed to fight, but that didn't mean we trusted the Cullens to kill their own kind. She was to make sure they kept their end of the bargain. Most of the pack, though, Leah included, believed that really Sam gave her that assignment so that Leah could sit out. He still cared about her and didn't want her hurt. It was all kinds of messed up. I didn't envy Leah at all. Leah's feelings aside we all appreciated Sam's decision to have the Cullens watched. They kept their end of the deal and we got an extra bonus–being able to see them in action. It had been better than anything on TV for sure.

On the down side it had given many in the pack a new found respect for the Cullens and had increased their reluctance to go against them. Not only had many begun to see them through Ephraim's eyes–something that didn't need to be killed–but also many of the pack seemed to think that the Cullens wouldn't be killed easily. Through Leah's eyes we had watched how skilled and deadly they were. They wouldn't be like that bloodsucker who almost got Bella or even the ones we had just killed. If we went against the Cullens there was a real chance of not surviving the encounter. For most everyone the moment that thought had come up it had been dismissed as there were more of us than them and we could take them if we needed to, but the reality of their capacities lingered. It would be the talk of the pack for a while.

Although I had been as entertained as the rest of them in what we watched the Cullens do, once again the Cullens had managed to present their false self to the pack and win some points. They fought because they couldn't risk having their nature exposed. Simple as that. They weren't some human-protecting saviours. They did it to protect their own skins. I bet bloodsuckers killed each other all the time. Bella had said that they killed another one who had come after them last year. I didn't see how that won them any prizes. And sure they were skilled, but that didn't make them better or stronger than us. No, we could take them. No problem.

"I have to disagree with you there, Embry. The other one with scars, he was the best. He would just go in and," Jared moved his hands in a ripping motion, "and move on without pausing. He moved so fast it was sometimes hard to keep up."

"But the big one got more kills."

"Maybe, but the scar one got the most hits in."

"I could take him," Paul boasted.

"Nah."

"It would take three of us."

"Five."

"No way, Collin."

"The way he moved. He was a machine."

"Maybe, but only against new _wrestlers._ In a real fight he wouldn't stand a chance."

"I'm not sure," was grumbled by a few.

I would never admit it out loud, but the mood-alterer had been so precise that he had been like a pack upon himself.

There was a lull in the conversation until Quil threw in his two cents.

"The blond chick wasn't half bad."

"Ohhh, you got a crush over there Quil?"

"Quil's in love with a _wrestler,_ " Embry teased.

"Am not! Come on guys. You have to say for a girl _wrestler_ , she was lethal."

There were nods all around. Leah looked like she was seething.

"The leader did hardly any damage," Collin put in.

There was a general nods of agreement.

"You would think that the leader would be the fiercest. Isn't he the oldest?"

"They're wrestlers, Jared," Paul fumed.

"Why doesn't the scarred one lead?" Bradly wondered aloud.

That question had been on many of our minds even during the trainings.

"Maybe for wrestlers the oldest leads?" Quil proposed.

"Last time the scarred one and the black-haired one wasn't with them. Maybe it's a join and take our leadership or don't join our group kind of thing?" I offered.

"But they're _wrestlers_ , Jake. They fight each other for top position all the time. Wouldn't the scarred one challenge the leader?"

I shrugged.

Hell if I understood how bloodsuckers' dynamics worked. Everyone else looked equally stumped.

"The other two girls stayed out of it pretty much too," Leah pointed out.

"Well, not everyone's a fighter," Seth stated as if this was obvious.

"Just because your drafted to be a wrestler doesn't have to mean you want to fight," Leah muttered under her breath her eyes on the floor.

Us guys looked at each other out of the corner of our eyes all of unwilling to touch that with a ten foot pole.

"I wouldn't have thought they would have switched sides," Brady commented as if he was trying to clear up a confusion.

"Did they?" Collin asked with equal confusion.

"Did they what?"

"Switch sides. Cause it seems like they have always been on the side of good. That's what the stories say anyway."

"No. The stories say they were given temporary amnesty, but they are dangerous and need to be watched," I insisted.

"Well maybe they've proven that they don't need to be watched as closely. Maybe they can be trusted to keep their word," Seth offered.

"They're nothing but liars. Everything about them is designed to fool non-wrestlers," I avowed.

"Then why did they send those that offered to help away right at the end?" Brady asked curiously.

"Maybe they were protecting them?" Collin proposed tentatively eying me.

"No one needed protection" nearly everyone grumbled.

"They seemed worried," Quil offered.

"That makes no sense. What could worry them?"

"There's always a bigger fish in the sea, Jared," Sam pointed out.

"More reason to take them down!" Paul insisted.

There was general agreement.

Sam shrugged.

"What did the visitors want, then?"

"Who knows."

"Any guesses?"

"Sam, didn't you say they were like cops or something?"

"Why would you be afraid of cops if you're just defending your own?"

"Cops? Really? Come on. Get real. _Wrestlers_ can't have cops. That makes no sense."

"Well, what great idea do you have, Quil?"

"Mafia."

"What?"

"Yeah, they're not cops, they're like the Mafia. They keep the order through intimidation and payment. Maybe the _wrestlers_ had to pay them to go away or leave them alone or something."

"Quil you're full of it."

"Well, it's a better idea than cops."

We all then started arguing about the chances of them being cops or mafia, talking about specific moves that we liked, how we took down so many, and how successful we were. It took some effort on everyone's part to talk in code, but we seemed to manage fine enough.

As promised, doc, called before crossing the border. Sam sent Paul, Embry, and Quil to escort them. Of course after the phone call we all stopped talking about it because we knew that the vermin was a mind reader. I couldn't be sure that the pack could control their thoughts around him, but no one speculated anything or said anything until they were over the border again. The pack had gone to the living room to give the doc and the vermin room to torture me, but had come back in after they had left.

The doc and the vermin had tried to knock me out with some drugs while they re-broke my ribs. The drugs hadn't lasted. I woke up again not long after they had left.

"You really think there are _wrestling_ Mafia?" asked Brady.

Obviously he wasn't willing to let it go.

Quil shrugged. "Why not? Mafia are everywhere." Quil smiled.

"Do you think they'd protect others from the Mafia?" Brady whispered.

"Maybe, maybe," Quil whispered back. "Why not? You never know with good _wrestlers_. There's no way to know for sure, even if they are good."

Brady nodded knowingly.

As if this conversation about our neighbourhood bloodsuckers being _good_ wasn't enough, I had been certain that the vermin would be raging at me for kissing Bella and would consequently show the pack what a jealous creaton he was. Instead of barging in yelling and screaming at me, threatening to kill me like I was hoping he would, he was Mr. Cool. He came into my father's house, played all nice, was sickingly kind to everyone, especially Charlie, and even to me. Ugh! I couldn't imagine how a day that started out with the kiss of my dreams could have ended so badly.

It was all I could do to make sure I remained in human form. The vermin held me while the doc broke all my ribs again. He didn't even seem to get any perverse enjoyment out of that. No, instead he looked genuinely concerned for me. I even heard Charlie tell Billy after they left that the vermin was getting on his good side. But I knew they were all liars who couldn't be trusted, so I figured it was all a ploy or some mad complicated scheme of some sort that I just hadn't figured out yet.

It was tricky because the vermin can read minds, so if I did figure it out, he would know and could change his strategy. It was hard to outwit a mind reader. Good thing I was determined. I just didn't count my Dad as gullible, but he seemed to buy what they were selling hook line and sinker. Officially my life was in the pits. On the good side, after the pack had headed out Dad gave me some more of the juice that the doc had given him, so I couldn't make much of a fuss.

I really wasn't all with it for pretty much the rest of the day. The drug would knock me out and then the pain would wake me up. Just about that time Dad would give me more drugs. Something about the doc not knowing the right dose because of my metabolism or something. I was the ginny pig. I hoped the doc got a kick out of messing about with the injured injun. In my wolf form I could of torn his arm off. I suppose the saying don't bite the hand that feeds you might be appropriate here. Biting the hand that was theoretically helping me heal also seemed like a less than brilliant plan.

A little after dinnertime I began to come round without intense pain and no one filled me with drugs again. It sounded like everyone had left. Probably it was no fun watching me fall in and out of consciousness. I wondered what verdict the pack came to regarding the bloodsuckers that showed up after the army had been destroyed.

Instead, Dad came in and asked if I wanted some grub.

"Definitely. I'm starving."

Since the doc ordered me not to move, Dad brought dinner to me. Eating wasn't too bad. I spent a good amount of time trying to figure out how to hold my plate, how to sit, and how to move without excruciating pain. It shouldn't have been that hard. I quickly realized that I needed my ribs for everything; so, doing anything was painful. It also meant that since I was under strict instructions not to move that I could do jack all. Some days I really hated that I got mystically drafted into a war I didn't give too hoots about all because some old and dead relative gave me some messed up gene. While my ribs were screaming at me I was having one of those moments.

If I hadn't been turned into a stupid werewolf I wouldn't be laying in bed in agony. And it was all the bloodsuckers' fault. If they hadn't shown up, none of this would have happened. I had a real bone to pick with them, but then again they had no bones. Or at least they had no bones when we tore them apart. I started laughing at my own joke. Even I had to admit that the bloodsuckers here in Forks were better at pretending to be human than the ones we killed this morning.

Right then one of _them_ called. The small black-haired one. I knew it was her because her voice was the highest pitch of all the females. I had to remind myself not to be fooled by appearances with her. She was so petite and had such a happy bubbly way about her that it was hard to remember that she was a stone-cold killed just like the rest of them.

In fairness, though, in the fight all I saw was her do was avoid whoever came at her. A couple times she flipped one of them or pushed them towards the scarred one. During the fight she pushed her family members one way or another or such stuff. Even then she didn't seem very intimidating.

Both my Dad's and her voices were a little muffled through the door, but I thought she said, "I'm worried about Bella. Well, maybe, probably already, worried she might get into an accident. I'm not sure the timing actually. On the road to your house and there are lots of deer. Would you please send Sam or someone else nearby? We're on our way, but time is of the essence and it'll take us a few minutes."

I'd never heard one of them flustered before. It was strange. I think she was the one with the visions. Maybe that was their way of sounding scared? I couldn't imagine them being scared of anything except us. Not to mention that neither Laurent or the red-eyed army ones had said much before we ripped them apart, so I had nothing to verify my theory. The idea that Bella being hurt might scare them made them seem too human, so I dismissed that possibility immediately and was at a loss.

Billy gruffed, "Yes, I'll call Sam. You're sure she was on the road to here?"

She must have said yes, because he hung up and then called Sam.

"Sam, one of our neighbouring females–"

"–the mother?"

"I don't think so, but I'm not sure, Sam. Either way, she called concerned that Bella might have had a car accident on the way to my house. Would you mind running the route and seeing if there's anything to it?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks."

For some reason I couldn't hear what Sam had said. Probably he had spoken too softly or something. Not that it would matter. As soon as I was able to shift into wolf form I would get it all anyway. Hiding anything in the pack mind was a challenge.

Laying there my wish that I hadn't been such an idiot increased tenfold. Although, I hoped Bella didn't need saving, if she did I wanted to be the one to go and rescue her. The thought that Bella was on her way over here pleased me though. Hopefully it was to talk to me about our kiss. She loved the vermin in a way and us getting together was a long shot as they had gotten engaged, but I would do anything to make sure Bella didn't end up one of _them._

If she really was hurt would they kill her? I could see it as a possibility. The vermin would do anything to keep her. That was how I knew for certain that all his bravado about not wanting her to be a leech was a smoke screen because at the end of the day, if he had to choose between letting her go to heaven or keeping her here with him, he would take her life and her afterlife. He might talk the talk, but he wouldn't walk the walk. I had wondered off and on about the hypothetical situation of Bella before me dying. Would I do anything to keep her here on earth? I'd like to say that I'd let her go, but I wouldn't be a hypocrite like the vermin and pretend that it wouldn't be extremely tempting to keep her. The only exception would be if keeping her meant turning her into my enemy. That was where I drew the line.

The solution was to make sure Bella never was at the brink of death and it wasn't a choice. Simple. Except, as I lay in my bed imagining Bella's truck finding a deer and taking into account Bella's luck or lack there of, I couldn't help but have a sickening feeling settle into the pit of my stomach. He would do it. I was certain. He would kill her and claim it was what she wanted rather than admitting that he was a self-centred killer who wouldn't leave well enough alone.

On top of that I doubted I could get the pack to agree to go to war with the Cullens if they did kill her. They all tried not the think of Bella directly when we were working together, but it wasn't hard to figure out that most of the pack believed that there was no reason to risk death and a war over something she wanted. And if that was the case, I could see their point, but that was just it. She wasn't thinking straight. They had her in some kind of spell because there was no other way to explain how she got on a plane and risked her life for the very monster that had left her for dead in the forest. The vermin had done something to her, I didn't know what, but something that made it so that him leaving nearly killed her and him coming back healed her.

Quil had asked me once if leeches imprinted.

"Not that I know," I had responded. "Why?" I asked suspicious of where he was leading the conversation.

"Well. See. I was just thinking that if they did, then that would explain Bella's behaviour. He imprinted on her." He had said this as if this was the most rational explanation in the world.

"Bloodsuckers can't imprint, Quil," I seethed, "because leeches don't love. They can't adore and cherish like Sam does Emily."

"Yeah, you're probably right," he relented, but there was a tone that suggested that he wasn't convinced.

It was hard to keep to my convictions during the trainings, honestly. They teased each other and played with one another like siblings almost like the pack members do with each other. The doc and his wife acted like a married couple in love keeping the kids in line. If I hadn't seen what the vermin had been capable of, how he had destroyed the woman he claimed to love and then came back all possessive of her claiming like a dog, then maybe their act might have fooled me, but I had seen too much, I knew too much, and I wasn't going to buy it. Those acts might work for Quil, but they didn't work for me.

Ultimately though it wasn't Quil's opinions that mattered, it was Sam's and Sam was certainly not willing to go to war with the Cullens over them killing Bella. I wasn't even sure that he would have had us fight in the battle today if the rez hasn't been at risk, but there were too many red-eyed bloodsuckers near to our people. Sam believed that a good defence was a good offense and teaming up with the Cullens made the likelihood of us getting hurt decrease.

My hope rested in one, that the vermin didn't know that the pack wouldn't go to war if he killed Bella, and two, that he meant what he said last night when he claimed to want to keep Bella human. It was really a wing and a prayer's chance, but it was all I had.

Laying in bed I remembered what Bella's lips felt like on mine, how she'd kissed me back, and what it would feel like the next time our lips met. I was new at this whole kissing thing and the vermin probably had lots of experience, but there was no way Bella could prefer his cold lips over my warm ones. Anyway, we just needed to practice. I was only bound to improve.

Even though the vermin hadn't laid into me and had been respectful here with all my pack around and Charlie, I expected that he had really laid into Bella. A cold-hearted killer like that couldn't react to his fiancée kissing another man. A rare hot-blooded American male would be able to contain himself. No, I was certain that I could count on the vermin at least to give Bella a vicious tongue-lashing. Maybe that had allowed her to see his true nature.

I didn't want Bella to get hurt, but she was under his spell, and I knew that if she just could see the vermin's true face she'd snap out of it. I hoped Bella wasn't too broken up about things. In the end, though, none of my efforts would mean anything if the deer really had hurt her. The truck was a solid piece of metal. It would give her decent protection of she ran into a tree or something. I tried to imagine the truck verses a deer. Wouldn't that just be a Bella thing to do? Good thing she doesn't drive the rabbit. That wouldn't protect a flea.

I was getting more and more aggravated by the whole situation. I finally found something that was worse that being unwillingly drafted–not being able to use my strength and speed for something useful like saving Bella. Here I was unable to do anything because I was an idiot and got myself hurt. Dad came in.

"Cool down, Jake."

I tried to calm myself, usually pretty good at it, all things considered. Best in the pack, actually. But right then I was shaking the worst I had ever beside the first time I had shifted.

"Doc left me some painkillers for you. Want it?"

"No, Dad. I can handle it," I said through gritted teeth forcing my words to become reality. I took deep breaths that stung like bees had taken up residence in my insides and told my body that I wanted to know what was happening which required me being calmer. My father watched me cautiously. After a few minutes the shaking was slightly better and I explained, "I'm just worried about Bella."

"Yeah … me too. If it gets to be too much, just let me know. We can't be having you shift."

"Okay, Dad."

Then he left.

I missed my mom tons, but right then I was glad to just have my dad who would give me space. My mother would have hovered; I was sure.

I thought back to Bella and my kiss again. We were soul mates. We fit together so easily. She understood me without me having to explain anything. She accepted that I was a mystical creature who could shift into a gigantic wolf. Why she wasn't my imprint was beyond me.

Originally the tribal elders and us wolves thought that imprinting, when a wolf find their mate through some mystical mumble jumble, was rare. Evidently we were wrong because a number of the pack has imprinted already, but not me. This wasn't a good train of thought for staying calm. I knew getting upset wasn't going to help, so I just worked at thinking about something else. Remembering kissing Bella was a good antidote to my anger. More than anything I didn't want to be knocked out. That way, even if I couldn't help, I could still know that she was okay.

Maybe two hours or more passed when the phone rang again. The door was closed, so I strained to listen.

"Hi Charlie," I heard my Dad answer. Pause. "Yes, actually. I had been called." Long pause. "Well, that's good. Thanks for letting me know. Keep me updated, will you." Pause again. "Okay, Charlie. Go take care of that girl of yours."

What a relief! They hadn't killed her. Charlie was there and not the vermin. The possibility that leaches could be keeping her company in a hospital near all that blood turned my stomach.

Then Dad hung up and called someone else.

"Hey, Emily, is Sam there?" Brief pause. "Well, okay, could you let him know that Charlie's at the hospital now?" Pause. "No, no news yet." Another brief pause. "Okay, thanks."

Charlie there would keep the bloodsuckers behaved. They wouldn't dare do anything around him. Then I began to wonder how Charlie knew Bella was at the hospital? Could it be possible that they called him? Nah. That wouldn't be like the vermin. Even though he claimed that he wanted to keep Bella human, he was still going to bite her. He _claimed_ last night that it was because that was what she wanted, but she was under his spell, so even if he was telling the truth it didn't count. I couldn't figure out his game.

I went round and round our conversation from last night trying to figure out how to beat him. He had said stuff about her having control over him, which honestly was just ridiculous. He told me that he wanted her to remain human, which was obviously a lie. And he said that if she chose me he would step out of the way, which was just impossible. There was no way that the same flea bag that hovered over, watched her every move, and controlled who she spent time with would step aside if she asked him to. It was the biggest con I had ever heard. The problem was that he had a significant advantage since he wasn't born yesterday and I was only sixteen. Wasn't going to stop me though.

Some time later Dad got another call.

"Hey, Charlie." There was a long pause. "Oh that's good news. Thanks for letting me know." Then a shorter pause. "Yeah, maybe we can visit in a few days when she wakes up."

Then I heard Dad wheel in. "You awake Jake?"

"Yup. Still kicking it."

"Looks like Bella's going to be fine, but the doctors are going to keep her sedated for at least 48 hours."

"How come?"

"She has a severe concussion."

"Oh. Okay." I had no idea what that meant. "She's going to be okay?"

"Looks like maybe, but they can't say for sure."

I nodded.

Dad started to leave.

"Um, Dad, could I have some of the medicine now?" All of a sudden, since knowing Bella was safe, I felt really heavy and sore.

"Sure, Jake."

Then he wheeled over and put a shot of whatever the doc left into the hole that ran into my arm. Mostly I was just glad that this day was over. Except when my mom died this had been the worst day ever. It didn't take long and I was out. This time I was dead to the world.


	4. Bella–Edward, Forgive Me

**Disclaimer: All of the dialogue that comes directly from the book Eclipse remains Stephanie Meyer's.  
**

Chapter 4: Bella–Edward, Forgive Me

* * *

Alice had tried to make the weekend nice despite the army of newborns bent on my destruction. She managed to empty the whole house so that it was just Edward and myself on Friday night. But by Sunday afternoon, as she sat doing who knows what to my face and hair, despite my gratefulness, my nerves were frayed.

Friday night had proved challenging to convince Edward, given his outdated Victorian views on relationships and his highly morality, for us to do more physically than just kiss. After giving me a trinket to go on the charm bracelet that Jacob had given me, I had steeled myself. Fumbling my way though explaining what I wanted, although Edward was a bit slow to pick up my hints, Edward agreed with great reluctance. His greatest argument against us _trying_ was his belief that the risk of me being hurt was too high.

"I'm not saying no," he had reassured me. "I'm just saying _not tonight_."

"Give me one good reason why tonight is not as good as any other night," I challenged.

"I wasn't born yesterday." He chuckled in my ear. "Out of the two of us, which do you think is more unwilling to give the other what they want? You just promised to marry me before you do any changing, but if I give in tonight what guarantee do I have that you won't go running off to Carlisle in the morning? I am – clearly – much less reluctant to give you what you want. Therefore … you first."

"I have to marry you first?" I asked in disbelief.

"That's the deal–take it or leave it. Compromise, remember?"

It wasn't really the being with Edward thing that was the problem, it was the being eighteen and married part. Although going off and starting my life with Edward sounded divine, I simply didn't want to have to do that with all the gossip being _that_ girl would generate if we were to get married. Not to mention the fact that my mother, Renée, would kill me.

The issue with Edward's bizarre morals for a vampire, he reluctantly admitted, was, in part, due to his concerns about his virtue and mine.

"Okay. But we weren't fighting over committing murder," I reminded him trying to find the flaw in his logic.

"The same principle applies–the only difference is that this is the one area in which I'm just as spotless as you are. Can't I leave one rule unbroken?" he asked.

He wanted to wait to consummate our relationship after marriage. I didn't want to wait too long to become like him, so we agreed to something inconspicuous and soon.

The next morning we were getting ready to leave when Alice cornered me.

"Bella?" she asked in a sad voice.

"What's wrong, Alice?"

"Don't you love me?" she asked in that same sad tone.

"Of course I do. You know that."

"Then why do I see you sneaking off to Vegas to get married without inviting me?"

"Oh," I muttered, my cheeks turning pink. "You know how I hate to make a big deal out of things. It was Edward's idea, anyway."

"I don't care whose idea it was. How could _you_ do this to me? I expect that kind of thing from _Edward_ , but not from you. I love you like you were my own sister."

"To me, Alice, you _are_ my sister."

"Words!" she growled.

"Fine, you can come. There won't be much to see."

She was still grimacing.

"What?" I demanded.

"How _much_ do you love me, Bella?"

"Why?"

She released her heart-breaking expression. "Please, please, please," she whispered. "Please, Bella, please–if you really love me … Please let me do your wedding."

"Aw, Alice!" I groaned. "No! Don't do this to me."

"If you really, truly love me, Bella."

I folded my arms. "This is so unfair. And Edward kind of already used that one on me."

"I'll bet Edward would like it better if you did this traditionally, though he'd never tell you that. And Esme–think what it would mean to her!"

Before I knew it, I'd agreed to Alice's demands, which meant family and friends and people would be looking at me. Knowing Alice there will be flowers and dresses and cake and dancing. Ugh! It felt so much better when Edward talked about running off to Vegas, but Alice would hear none of it.

If that were not enough for one weekend, Edward, Jake, and I went through all this rigmarole to make sure that I would be safe during the fight, yet Victoria found me anyway with her lackey Riley tagging along. Standing there Edward fought Victoria, most of which I couldn't see because it was too fast for me, while Seth, a werewolf who was meant to be only an information transmitter, fought Riley. At one point both fights were too close, so I did the only thing that I believed might help–I cut myself with a rock. My blood stopped both Victoria and Riley. Shortly after that they were disassembled and burning.

Then there was the fact that the night prior there had been a freak snowstorm and Jake ended up cramming himself into my sleeping bag to help keep me warm. In the morning Jake overheard Edward and I talking about the fact that we are now engaged. Jake was upset and ran off. Upon my request Edward brought him back. Jake threatened to be taken out during the fight.

"Stay," I begged.

He shook his head. "No, I'm going." He paused. "But I could leave it to fate."

"What do you mean?" I choked out.

"I don't have to do anything deliberate–I could just do my best for my pack and let what happens happen." He shrugged. " _If_ you could convince me you really did want me to come back–more than you wanted to do the selfless thing."

"How?" I asked.

"You could ask me," he suggested.

"Come back," I whispered.

He shook his head smiling again. "That's not what I'm talking about."

I blurted out the words without stopping to count the cost. "Will you kiss me, Jacob?"

"You're bluffing," he challenged.

"Kiss me, Jacob. Kiss me, and then come back."

At first I just stood there and let Jake have the kiss he had been pawning for, but then my tentative control was unbalanced and I found myself kissing Jake back. In that moment I realized that I loved Jake too. I loved him, much more than I should, and yet, still nowhere near enough. I was in love with him, but it was not enough to change anything; it was only enough to hurt us both more. To hurt him worse than I ever had.

As we kissed I saw a new path open before me and could see exactly what I was going to lose by choosing Edward. There was a strange collage of my parents mixing with the people of Jacob's life, the years would pass and they would mean something because I would change, and for the tiniest fragment of that second, I saw the bobbing heads of two small, black-haired children.

Despite my objections, Jake ran off to join the fight. Edward saw what happened between Jake and I through his telepathy. I felt so horrible wishing an avalanche would bury me. I wanted; I needed his wrath. Instead he was incredibly understanding, which fuelled my sense of guilt. I tried to explain to Edward that I love him more.

As if things couldn't get worse, Jake got hurt towards the end of the fight. I heard him yowl, but by the time we got there, and I had woken up from fainting, the pack had removed Jake from the field. If that weren't enough, the Volturi showed up and threatened us since I was still human.

Then, to top it all off, I met my first newborn vampire, a young girl wild with thirst. It was as if I were looking into a mirror of what my first vampire year would be like. Despite our agreement and my desire to be with Edward forever, what she represented terrified me. The Cullens had all warned me about the first year, but it was another thing to have seen it with my own eyes. My only solace was my confidence that Edward would keep me from harming anyone.

Maybe Alice couldn't get tired or cranky or be human at all, but I could, and I was ready to go home. Well, to Jake's, actually. I was ready to get the conversation that would irrevocable hurt both Jacob and I over. I had made my decision, and I was ready to live it. I had chosen Edward. I hadn't wanted to admit my feelings for Jake because they didn't matter in the overall scheme if things. No matter how much I loved Jake, I loved Edward more.

Letting Jake go would be sad, but I already knew what it was like without Edward, and I couldn't survive without Edward. There really wasn't a choice anymore. Really, I had chosen Edward over a year ago, shortly after I had moved into Forks, not long after I had first found out from Jacob inadvertently that Edward was a vampire. After weighing the facts, I had decided that what he was didn't matter. I was irrevocably in love with Edward. Nothing had changed that, not Edward's nature, not Edward leaving me, not even Jake's feelings for me or mine for him.

Edward and I had both come through so much since those first awkward encounters. He had irritated me so much back then. I had wanted to give up on him so often, but then I'd look at his perfectly formed features with his crooked smile and I couldn't. He could be such a prick sometimes, but I loved him anyway. I couldn't stop. Edward had warned me multiple times to stay away, that we were better off not being friends, but I hadn't listen. Why I didn't listen was still an unsolved mystery.

If my decision were not enough, when he had taken me to the meadow and I saw his true self, everything I had thought and felt had become magnified. It was in those moments that I knew that I was irrevocably tied to Edward. It would be painful to be separated. And when he left I was proven correct. Nothing could be worse than Edward leaving. That was how I knew that I could have this conversation with Jake because no matter how difficult it might be it was better than the alternative. I just couldn't breathe without Edward. Saying bye to Jake would hurt, I already knew it would, but I also knew I would heal. There was no living without Edward, only surviving.

Finally Alice released me and I dutifully went home to Charlie. In all of Alice's jabber one statement had stood out. "Part of being a Cullen is being meticulously responsible."

Alice had been right, of course, on all counts. Charlie had been suspicious. If I were to be a Cullen, then I needed to start acting like one. Therefore, my first order of business was to ease any concerns of my father's.

Making Charlie dinner I couldn't get Jake out of my head as I tried to formulate the words needed to create the break needed between us. I couldn't continue to have two men in my life pining after me. It was hurting them both.

I was just about to head out the door when Charlie stopped me.

"Er, Bella? Could you wait just a second?"

"Did I forget something?" I glanced at his plate.

"No, no. I just … want to ask a favour." Charlie frowned and looked at the floor. "Have a seat–this won't take long."

I sat across from him, a little confused. I tried to focus. "What do you need, Dad?"

"Here's the gist of it, Bella. Maybe I'm just feeling superstitious after hanging out with Billy while he was being so strange all day. But I have this … hunch. I feel like … I'm going to lose you soon."

"Don't be silly, Dad." I mumbled guiltily. "You want me to go to school, don't you?"

"Just promise me one thing."

I was hesitant, ready to rescind. "Okay …"

"Will you tell me before you do anything major? Before you run off with him or something?"

"Dad …," I moaned.

"I'm serious. I won't kick up a fuss. Just give me some advance notice. Give me a chance to hug you goodbye."

Cringing mentally I held up my hand. "This is silly. But, if it makes you happy … I promise."

"Thanks, Bella. I love you, kid."

"I love you, too, Dad." I touched his shoulder, and then shoved away from the table. "If you need anything, I'll be at Billy's." Then I ran to my truck without looking back.

I got into my truck, backed out of the drive, and then drove the route I normally did to Jake's. Tonight seemed especially dark perhaps because of what lay ahead. I couldn't help but replay in my mind every misstep that i had made, how selfish I had been, how I had strung Jake along because I was unwilling to let go of my best-friend. If Edward had stayed away could we have made a future for ourselves? Perhaps. But he would have never had all of my heart. It belonged to Edward irrelevant of distance or his feelings. There were so many places where I could have chosen the road less damaging to Jake. Instead I had behaved in the most awful of manners. I owed it to Jake to let him go so that he could make room in his heart for someone who could truly love him with all of her heart.

I was travelling on this stretch of the road where there were no streetlights, so I had my high beams on, lost in my thoughts when suddenly a deer was on the hood of my truck and it was heading for me. It was if time slowed down, while simultaneously I was frozen in place. The glass shattered and came towards me while I sat helplessly. The collision propelled the splintered windscreen along with the deer towards me. With as many accidents as I have had, as many times I've broken a bone or hit my head, I could tell the impact wouldn't be pleasant.

My only hope was that Alice would see the accident and would send help in time so that I wouldn't die. Edward and I were bound together in one cord. He had said more than one time he couldn't survive in a world without me in it. And I couldn't bear the thought of him in that much pain. Of all things the Volturi king Marcus came to mind–a creature in utter depression living century after century with no happiness or joy. I couldn't condemn Edward to that existence. There was no other option than I must live.

So, most of all, I hoped that if necessary Edward would honour his promise and turn me. I could always marry him after. If Edward didn't, then as a last resort I hoped that Carlisle would. Carlisle had already promised me and wouldn't hesitate. That thought gave me some measure of peace. Even if not for my sake, but for Edward's, Carlisle would change me. If Carlisle and I were in agreement about anything it was that much was negotiable except living in a world without Edward. Unfortunately my cliff jumping and my trip to Italy proved that Edward couldn't survive without me.

No, there is no reason to worry I concluded. As long as Alice gets me in time I would be fine and thus Edward would be fine. The threat was gone, the newborn army defeated, there was nothing stopping my change. I would wake up in three days a vampire. They would probably tell my dad that I died in the crash and we would have to move immediately. Even despite my moments ago promise to Charlie, none of it mattered if I was without Edward and that included heaven in my book. With my confidence that Edward's family would get to me in time and change me, I succumbed to the darkness not before the last thoughts of _This is just my luck._ and _Edward, forgive me._ passed through my mind.

I am standing in a black tunnel that not only does not produce light, but also seems to absorb it. The structure surrounds me on every side and feels oppressive, as if it is pressing down on me, even though I can't feel anything on my skin. The only thing that gives this space substance and allows this bleak description is a tiny pinprick of light very far away in the far far distance. Despite the tunnel's darkness and the sense of foreboding there is an unknown presence near me that feels familiar. I cannot understand how I can see no one else and yet feel as if I am only half of a whole and the other half is near. Then for a reason unknown the presence begins to fad away.

At the same time "Love, come back to me," a voice tells me, but it is distorted.

The distortion reminds me of a hall of mirrors at a carnivore show. You go in and the mirrors create falsifications so that they completely change how you look, even though it is still the same old you. That's how it is with the voice. The only clear message is that someone is calling me back to them. Who that is, why they are doing so, where I am, how to get to them are all mysteries to which I have no answers.

There are two options in the space that surrounds me: forward toward the pinprick and the voice or to go backward moving in the opposite direction of the light. That voice pulls me in a strange way to move away from the light and backwards as if towards the voice, but the thought of doing so terrifies me, as if doing so would also risk the end to my existence. So instead, I decide to move forward, despite its foreignness. The very fact that someone calls me and asks me to come back motivates me. Hopefully, the voice can also be found where the light dwells. With that thought filling me, one foot is placed in front of the other.

As if my decision triggers something there begins to be a loud clanking or banging sounding like some is hitting pipes at a regular interval nearby and then it reverberates off the walls. Clunck-clunck-clunck then pause, then clunck-clunk, clunk again, the pause, and then repeat over and over. It gets louder and louder until it begins to hurt my ears. Is this a warning? Perhaps the other direction would have been better, but then just as suddenly as it began, it stops.

The unexpected silence stops me dead in my tracks. All is quiet again. Perchance turning back and following the voice would have been wiser. Was it a warning of some kind? However, this space had been perfectly void of noise before the banging, when my original decision had been made. As I hate the process of deliberation, my feet tentatively move in the direction of the light. This time the silence is comforting. It reminds me of meals with Charlie when no words were needed. Silence could be gentle and reassuring. With that encouragement, the tunnel doesn't seem to long and the light so far away.

Moving down the tunnel at a certain point there is the sound similar to a flock of seagulls clamouring at each other. How it reverberates off the walls and created echo-like symphonies is disconcerting. How the sound of a flock of seagulls got into a tunnel is a mystery. Birds are meant to be in the sky and the sky is not a tunnel. Despite the confusion my feet continue their onward motion enlivened by the hope that maybe the sound of the birds meant that the tunnel might be close to ending.

The dark is becoming tiresome, however. No sight, no smells, no touch, no taste, just sound adds to the weariness. The only saving grace to this environment that is beginning to aggravate me is a voice that is so perfect it could only be an angel. Once again the sound is distorted so that no words could be heard, but the tone comes through clearly. But it isn't the first voice that had asked me to go back to it. Also, somewhere inside of me my brain tell me that this new voice isn't my angel, as my angel doesn't sound quite like that. How my brain could supply this information in this environment is also a mystery, nonetheless there is no doubt within me. Out there somewhere is my angel. Had it been the first voice in this place? There is no way to know. My prior options are the same after all my journeying: move forward or go back. Moving onwards, wanting out, my feet take another step and another. I don't want to be in the tunnel anymore.

My urgency of escape causes my feet to lift off the ground as if running, but that movement results in tripping and falling. Interestingly, my body pays no price for the tumbling, not even scraped hands, but it is embarrassing and it takes time to get back up, time wasted. After a few falls, I take more deliberate steps placing my left foot forward and then my right, then my left again, and on and on until the pin-prick isn't a pin-prick anymore. It is more the size of a mandarin.

The light is strange though. It doesn't illuminate the tunnel at all. It is if there is an invisible glass wall that allows me to see the light, but allows none in. With glass blocking the way perhaps there is no escape. Fear overwhelms me and a desire to scream fills me. Despite my volume and the echo that carries the sound back to my ears, no one seems to be able to hear me, not even my angel. Is anyone even listening? It is a lonely and sad thought.

Where is my angel? Why couldn't he come and help me, lead me out? Could the angel I heard before tell my angel that I need him? I'm unsure if it works like that, so I give up on that idea. My remaining hope is that following the light would lead me to him. Angels live in heaven with God where there is infinite light; at least stories said something like that. Stories or not, what more was there to go on? My options haven't changed. So, placing one foot in front of another seems the only reasonable thing to do until the light came nearer or my angel arrived. After what seemed like eternity the end of the tunnel is in my sights.

As if it is some futuristic TV show, there is no glass. It made me think of the science fiction idea of force fields. Studying the line between the tunnel and the light for a long time it became apparent that there are once again two choices. I could step over the line and into the light or I could stay in the tunnel. It is entirely up to me. Fear threatens to hold me in place, but my decision was already made. I would follow the voice and hope to find my angel no matter where. Taking one step and then other my whole body became immersed into the light.

* * *

 _A/N: For those of your who know Eclipse well, forgive me for the needed recap.  
_


	5. Alice–Puzzle

**Disclaimer: The reference to Jasper's role in the Cullen dynamics is courtesy of Jessica314 here on Fanfiction.**

Chapter 5: Alice–Puzzle

* * *

Bella was in the hospital under Carlisle's care. The vision where Bella would wake up and lock eyes with Edward sometime midday on Friday was as certain as possible in the circumstances. Its likelihood was as much as the one I had seen of Bella waking up in Phoenix. Other than the fated visions or the ones that came in as they were happening my visions were never guaranteed. It was presently as good as it could get. That had to be enough. The terror that had consumed me slid away. I slowly and slyly slid my eyes over to my mate filling myself with the immense sense of gratitude I had.

"What's that for, June bug?"

"Everything. Keeping me calm, thinking of the car, maintaining your control with Bella's flowing blood and my frantic state, but most of all for calming me and grounding me," I told him while amplifying my appreciation, love, pride, awe, and a drop of lust.

He simply squeezed my hand.

I focused inward again allowing his touch to comfort me. My confidence in what the vision of Bella's collision had showed me had not wavered, but something about it was nagging at me keeping me unusually on edge. Despite my reluctance to watch Bella get hurt again I reviewed the vision again this time slower allowing me to examine the details. Although it should have been obvious, even by the time we got home what was bugging me, despite my calmer state and the crisis being over, still hadn't made itself known.

As we were travelling up the stairs it hit me–it was the first vision I had ever received where the past had showed up. This realization filled me with a nervous uncomfortable feeling. The last time this feeling had been this strong resulted from visions that had bombarded me while Edward had been at Bella's bedside in the Phoenix hospital as she recovered from James' attack. Vision after vision had come to me of how Edward would leave Bella, but then they'd disappear like puffs of smoke. It wasn't set in stone like Bella becoming one of us, but like a fog hanging heavy threatening to pull us into oblivion. I had mistakenly dismissed the visions and my accompanied feelings believing that Edward had realized the foolishness of such a course of action, especially after my gift showed him considering taking Bella to the prom. When Edward had insisted leaving Bella after the birthday party I couldn't shake the threat of oblivion. Everything had worked out in the end, but those events amplified my present fear.

Jazz was in front of me. "What is it, June bug?" he breathed onto me.

I focused on my sense of trust while I walked the rest of the way to our room. "I think my visions are trying to tell me something more than just Bella getting into the accident. I'm scared that I might not know what they're attempted to say."

He wrapped me in his arms sending me love, comfort, care, encouragement, and confidence. As my emotions settled down and my mind came back to this space I realized that Jazz and my time together had been interrupted and he was my priority. My mystery could wait.

"Jazz?" I barely whispered while I turned to look at him.

His eyes were full of concern and devotion.

"I need you to tell me what you didn't get a chance to say before we were interrupted."

He scowled.

There was something deeply ingrained in him, possibly even from before he was changed, about men not talking about their feelings, which is ironic given his gift. Consequently, he nearly always scowls when I prod him to share like this. Disregarding his discomfort I focused on my feelings of love and acceptance and patience while sitting on our bed with my back against the headboard waiting.

Finally he looked deeply into my eyes. "It was difficult."

"I know it was," I reassured him. "Tell me how."

He came closer so that we could talk without the rest of the house hearing. We sat each with our legs crossed and our knees touching. He put his hands into mine.

"It brought up a lot of memories of the wars," he said almost too quietly for me to hear.

I nodded. "We expected that," I assured him.

He nodded back.

"How was the climate?"

That was a good place to start the conversation. It would be an easier aspect for him to talk about.

"We were determined. Emmett was enjoying himself. He had a feeling of freedom, of carefree abandonment. It's a challenging emotion to describe. Edward gets it when he runs and sometimes I can feel it from young human children."

I nodded. He had shared that feeling once when Edward was running. It was exhilarating.

"Rosalie was little else than determined, although at times I felt pride from her."

"Esme was determined, but had a sliver of sadness every time she acted. There was also a fierce protective feeling that undercut everything else for her. I felt that from her when we encountered James' coven, but it was stronger with the newborns."

That made perfect sense to me. I had always imagined Esme as the vampire version of a mother bear.

"Carlisle surprisingly wasn't guilty. He was merely focused and actually compassionate as if ending their lives was a form of mercy, which it probably would be. I still don't understand why he offered clemency to that one newborn, but he seemed reluctant to end a life that had failed to attack him. I can see his perspective knowing him as I do, but it was too risky with the Volturi coming." He shook his head.

"I was proud of how you acted despite your disagreement," I told him earnestly.

He smiled grimly. "Well, since Edward came back from Italy Carlisle's emotions have been shifting. Not the primary ones, but the subtler ones. And in that moment he wasn't as conflicted as I would have expected. In fact he was calm, compassionate, and peaceful but there was an undercurrent of a gritty love like steel creating a frame that encompassed us but not her. For her he only felt compassion." He looked at me questioningly and sent me the emotion he was trying to describe.

"Yes, that is hard to describe."

It made me consider what Marcus in Italy would have seen with his gift if he ever were to see all of us Cullens together. With that emotion present, I could see how Jasper would have been reassured that Carlisle would first and foremost protect his family. The differences in Carlisle, since he offered to change Bella, I suspected allowed for Jasper's increased easiness to defer to Carlisle and had increased his respect of Carlisle.

"You were concerned, focused, and determined." He smiled. "Your interventions were, of course, perfectly timed." He became solemn again. "It helped a lot, June bug, knowing that you would protect us all with your gift."

"I didn't Edward," frowning at the memory of the first time when I had known that Edward and Bella as well as the wolf Seth had been attacked by Victoria and her second-in-command. Because the wolves block my visions I was caught unaware until the fighting was basically done. My gift had failed to warn them because Victoria had used my blind spots which upset me tremendously.

"No." He put his hand on my shoulder. "Your focus was where it needed to be. And Edward had the wolf. He is a strong fighter one on one. He took care of himself and Bella just fine."

"Yes. Yes he did."

But it made me sad that my gift hadn't given him warning.

"Don't be sad, June bug. You did the part you needed to do. That's how it works in a battle. Each is a part of a whole and if each part does its role well then the whole survives intact."

I smiled sure he was right. "Okay, Major," I teased running a finger up his arm.

He took my scent into his lungs and a smile threatened to emerge, but it was quickly replaced with grim determination.

"The newborns were wild with thirst. I'm honestly glad Edward didn't have Bella there. I might have been too distracted by her scent. When Bella being there first crossed my mind, I hadn't considered that the newborns' emotional state would be so feral. I had expected more trained and determined opponents, even if they were newborns. That quantity of their feral nature was quite potent."

"Victoria didn't know what she was doing like Maria did. You had anticipated that and correctly estimated that would not be as well trained. So it was just their feral state that surprised you?"

His eyes glazed over losing himself to his memories and what his gift had picked up on along the way.

After a few moments he agreed, "Yes. She really had no control over them."

He had hunted after the Volturi left while I had my fun with Bella. His description of the newborns explained what had taken him so long to return. He probably went quite a range to run off some of those emotions and then find adequate carnivores to help soothe the quantity of that emotional state.

"Any residue?" I questioned with a small amount of worry and concern seeping into my words.

"Only a little. I just have to make sure when I replay the battle that I don't also bring up the older wars."

That meant he would have to be extra careful about his proximity to Bella for a little while. I concentrated on my understanding, compassion, love, and acceptance making them my primary feelings.

"You fought the most gallantry I have ever seen, Major. Much more than when you were with Maria. You made me proud to be yours." I radiated my pride and desire at him.

He looked briefly confused. "I was a little concerned that it would be uncomfortable to see me dismembering and beheading right next to you rather than in your visions." I knew he was tasting my reaction.

I amplified my pride and love as strongly as I could and smiled broadly. "No, my Major. I was honoured to watch you fight so bravely for me and our family. I am honoured that you call me yours." Recalling all the emotions that had swam inside me when I had caught him fighting out of the corner of my eye during the battle I bundled and focused on them.

He smiled back. "I did feel you giving me all of that during the fight. It encouraged me."

"Good. I'm one lucky girl." I went to kiss him.

He smiled and accepted my small token of my love for him. He seemed to relax.

I became serious. "Jasper, fighting for territory on someone else's request is not the same in any way to fighting for your family, your way of life, your mate. This time it was for all the right reasons and watching you was one of the most magnificent, sexy things I've seen. We are first and foremost a family, but that doesn't make us less willing to defend what's ours. Perhaps it makes us even more willing than most."

He cocked one eyebrow up and tilted his head slightly to the side. "I swear I heard similar words before the battle," he purred.

"Maybe," I teased.

"Hump." The emotional cocktail he sent me wrapped me in a state that was almost as good as our post-coital one singed with desire.

"I love you too."

He smiled cheekily.

"Better?" I checked with some seriousness in my tone.

He smiled. "You are always the medicine I need."

I smiled back. "As are you to me." I paused for a moment becoming serious again. "Volturi?"

He shook his head and quivered. I couldn't imagine what emotions would have caused that reaction. "I can see why Edward came back from Italy with a less than stellar impression of them."

I looked at him quizzically never before hearing him speak negatively of the Volturi in any way.

"I have never felt such emptiness, such depravity, such lack of feeling, not even from Maria. Yet it wasn't a black hole of grief like Edward had been after leaving Bella. It was menacing with a confidence in their utter superiority. Each time Jane used her gift the pleasure she got from inflicting pain was chilling." He quivered again. "I will be glad if I would never have to be around them again. That is not a climate I would wish to live in."

I looked at him and said with firmness. "Never. I'd rather cease to exist than be their puppet."

He softened. "I know, June bug. I know you could have chosen them years ago and choose me and then the Cullens instead. I understand your why differently than I did before. That's all," he explained radiating love, contentment, and appreciation to me.

I smiled and concentrated on what he had sent.

He moved so that his back was on the headboard. I lay against his shoulder loving how this always ended our difficult conversations. No words were needed.

He picked up a book and started reading. I started going back through my memories and comparing them to the vision. Maybe it was a game, some small clue like those human children's puzzles I have observed where there are two pictures nearly identical and the point of the game is to discover what doesn't fit. That was what my mind began doing: trying to figure out what was different between them. Jazz must have been going bonkers after the second hour because he paused what he was doing and turned to me.

"Okay, June bug, out with it."

For the briefest of moments my brain had no words to say to the man that I've known in the flesh for 58 years and watched in my visions since I had woken. Becoming statuesque while I watched him take his arm and wrap it around me.

"It's okay, June bug, whatever it is. We can work it out," he whispered into my ear.

Looking up into his eyes I took him deeply into my lungs. Yes, he was right. He had righted the world once again.

"The vision of Bella. It had images of the past in it. My gift has never done that before. I can't figure out what the meaning is. I don't like not knowing what my gift is saying."

He took a moment. I loved that about him–his thoughtfulness before speaking.

"Alright, tell it to me again, although this time more slowly and try to describe everything, every smell, every sound."

"Oh, Jazz, you don't have to help." I frowned. This wasn't his burden.

He smiled. "I know, but I like a puzzle. You know that. And I don't like to feel you fretting. My world ain't right when your's ain't."

"All right then." I smiled up at him.

He was my perfect balm. Going back to the beginning I talked it though just as he had asked me to. Because Rosalie and Emmett were home I lowered my voice, so as not to worry them. But sometimes when the retelling became more real than my room I would forget myself.

My Jasper exuded confusion and curiosity most likely doing what I had been doing: comparing memory with the vision.

A flash came to be of Esme driving Edward home.

"Esme and Edward are going to head home soon, Jazz."

"I think we need to put this on hold, June bug. Can you shelve it?"

"Is that a new request?" I teased.

"Well, ma'am, it just might be," he teased back.

"You're asking me to do something new? Well, well, well …" and then a huge grin spread across my face as I remembered the last time he asked me to do something new. He must have remembered the same thing, because he also was grinning. I looked at him sincerely. "I can try."

"Edward will be coming home. He's almost here, June bug. Let's not tempt the fates."

"Well, Major you are just as wise as you are handsome, aren't you?"

"I try to be. I try to be." Then he lent down and kissed me on the cheek.

"Alright. Once he leaves we'll unshelve it?"

"If you wish."

"I wish. I feel like I'm missing something important that it's trying to tell me."

"As you wish, my lady." Then he kissed my hand. If he weren't my husband, I'd marry him.

Living with Edward all these years has forced me to learn to manage my thoughts. Usually I imagined the thought being put in a box, that box being put on a shelf, and then closing the door to the room that it was in. To go back to that line of thinking I imagined going into the room holding that box and opening it up. This way if Edward picked up anything telepathically, it would be the images of my mental rooms instead of the thought itself. It was hard to know if the technique worked since Edward doesn't speak about what he hears unless it was in answer to a direct question, so every couple of years I tested it. So far the technique had passed my tests.

Jazz and I actually started practicing this technique as well as others before we joined the Cullens knowing ahead of our arrival that Edward was a telepath. Jasper's primary mental skill is stillness probably due to what he needs to do to manage his gift. That doesn't work for me, so if I didn't have time to shut down a particular line of thinking, I actively block him by concentrating on something. We weren't sure how well these techniques would work, but we've refined it over the years. It takes great mental discipline to live with a telepath, but there are some great advantages too. And Edward's worth it.

I had finished up my mental exercise of shelving and was onto other things when Edward got home.

We heard Edward ask Esme, "Mom, I know it's a lot to ask, but could you lock up the house tonight?"

We looked at each other knowing something was brewing as locking up the house was code for lockdown.

"Of course," Esme answered with worry slightly tingeing her voice.

Jasper looked at me. Saturating myself with the love I felt for him as I could both see his concern and feel it. As long as we stuck together it would be all right. After all, we had just defeated an army of newborns.

Esme went and pushed in the key code bringing us into lockdown mode. Rosalie and Emmett were already in the living room. Jasper grabbed his bug sweeper and started with the upstairs rooms while I went downstairs. Whilst Jazz finished up we all sat still listening for anything within our hearing range and I searched the future to see if there was anything coming to the house or moving against us. There were vague possibilities. Nothing to be concerned about though.

Jasper finished the sweep, came downstairs and gave Edward a meaningful look and then nodded. He went and stood beside me.

We all relaxed.

"I hope I'm overreacting," Edward began, "but Dad said there was doctor suspicious of Bella's injuries. Dad warned Charlie and then me. We came straight home."

I immediately asked, _What about Bella?_

"Bella has a severe concussion, so will be sedated for at least the next 48 hours, but so far so good."

"Could it be the Volturi?" asked Rosalie.

In my searching I had checked for the Volturi moving against us. There were no decisions yet to do so.

"Unlikely since they just left," Jasper answered.

"FBI?" Emmett asked.

"They have no cause as far as I can tell," Jasper answered again.

"So, maybe I overreacted. Just last time we had something suspicious happen we ended up fighting eighteen newborns," Edward explained sounding worn-out.

Memories from that fight filled my mind. I had meant every word I had said to Jasper. It had been incredible to see him fight. In my visions he had killed hundreds of vampires. The look on his face while he did so had pained me every time. Watching him this morning had been beautiful. He had always been a strong fighter. So, I hadn't been worried for him. He wouldn't have lasted all those years if he wasn't, but this time there had been a fury about him. Rage didn't fuel him, but a desperation to fight for his family, to fight for those he loved. He had acted with incredibly efficiency his motions containing an urgency like I had never witnessed before. He had been ruthless, calculatingly brutal never stopping to calculate the next move or the cost he was paying. It was beautiful in a way. It was how he demonstrated his love for me and for the family I had claimed as mine. The fluidity and preciseness of his movements were like watching a choreographed dance. It had been stunningly awing. My memories did not do him justice.

These memories showed me how much being a Cullen had changed Jasper. In many ways the results of the battles when he was with Maria and the one we just had were the same for Jasper: vampires dead at his hands. But it was because of those superficial similarities that Jasper's changes could be seen. He was no longer the solider acting solely for survival. And like all of us Cullens, he had been changed by Bella's arrival. He had even managed a graduation party here in our house. He still doesn't like human company, but he seemed to be able to be around them without such strain. It certainly helped that Edward got in control of his own bloodlust because that had just been making things incredibly difficult for Jasper. Focusing at the problem at hand, unlike the battle where Jasper had shone, this was more Edward's arena. We would follow his lead.

"Charlie?" Jasper asked.

The warrior he had been on the battlefield was tucked away in such a way that it was almost difficult to reconcile the Jasper of this morning with the Jasper who had just spoken. I loved him even more than when we had first met. I looked at him knowing he was pulling on my emotional climate.

"Grateful I called him, worried about Bella, and cooperative with Carlisle. I have a feeling that he's not going to be leaving the hospital anytime soon, which changes things in terms of visitation in comparison to when Bella was injured in Phoenix."

Jasper nodded. Then he turned towards me slightly sending me his love, adoration, and appreciation.

Right then we heard Carlisle's car on the driveway, it being parked in the garage, and Carlisle's gait coming towards the house.

"Sorry, Dad," Edward said obviously answering to Carlisle's mental message.

He went and punched in the code. The shutters went back into hiding and Carlisle walked in.

Edward looked embarrassed. Everyone looked relieved and curious except Jasper and I. We were worried. Anything that threatened the family and me worried Jasper. My worry sprang from my confusion. Was I losing my touch? I needed time; Jasper and I, as a couple, needed time. Without doubt Jasper would handle the situation presented to us. He was always ideal under pressure. It was the after, the cost he might pay, that had me concerned. To not even to have twenty-four hours pass before this next threat would be hard on him.

"Good evening everyone." Carlisle went over, gave Esme a kiss, and then sat down next to her. His eyes sparkled with amusement. "I interrupted something. Please continue."

Edward looked at Carlisle and then Jasper. His expression changed to calm yet firm determination, a look he used to get a lot before Bella, when he used his gift to help us avoid trouble. Gladness filled me to see Edward stepping back into this role, even for tonight.

Jasper had confided in me that he was concerned that with Bella being the cause of so much trouble and Edward being in defence mode or pensive mode or self-loathing mode and the changes he was going through were so extreme that we would lose this side of Edward. This was the cool, thoughtful, calculating, protective side, and it was good to see it again. Jasper sent me a meaningful glance and sent me a little jolt of gladness. I was glad that he was also glad and focused on the jolt.

Edward went and re-entered the key code.

"I was relaying your concern about Dr. Whitaker. We were taking precautions in case it was more than it seemed." Then muttering under his breath he added, "We've had too many of those recently." I held in a grin assuming that he had forgotten that we are not human and could hear him, although certainly Bella wouldn't have. She really had changed him.

"All clear, then?" Carlisle inquired.

"Yes," Jasper answered. "I would like to offer to run a background check."

"Yes. That would be wise, although I doubt you'll find anything. I've known Dr. Whitaker since I arrived here. He's been here a long time. He's a good doctor. He's likely to be the next head of the department."

Jasper sprinted upstairs, grabbed the laptop he had for just these types of things, and came back down. Moving so that he would sit between my legs he saw my need for his proximity. Once he sat down I leaned my face into his back and breathed him in deeply focusing on his scent. My favourite part is the slightest hint of musket powder. When I first asked him about it, he smiled in the way that lit my body up and answered, "because I'm one dangerous son of a gun." I had giggled at his play on words. But for me it said that he would do everything and anything to keep me safe, and because I spent much of my life in the future while it was a smell of the past it comforted me.

I listened to Jasper type. Right before we had moved to Alaska, the time we were there prior to Forks, he had taken some programming classes. Every year he signed up for correspondence classes to keep himself abreast of the latest developments. Other than reading history books and correcting them, he spent the majority of his free time monitoring our internet lives. Rosalie also liked programming, but not as much as Jasper. Occasionally they would create complicated firewalls and try to hack each other. It gave Jasper a positive helpful outlet for his need for battle.

"What exactly is the concern, then, Carlisle," Rosalie asked.

"Nothing I'm about to say leaves this room. Understand?" He looked meaningfully at us. We all nodded in acquiescence. "From what I have gathered from my time working there, many years ago, when his daughter was a little older than Bella is now, she became involved with a very charming man. Evidently, the relationship turned south. His daughter eventually left the man, but not before sustaining multiple injuries including a severe burn to her face. I've never met her actually. Although I have gathered that she lives in the family home. Have you ever seen anyone matching that description when you've gone to town, Esme?"

"No. No, I haven't. What a horrible story." She looked quite distraught.

Carlisle pulled her in close to him and whispered something into her ear. She relaxed, and nodded slightly. Esme didn't like to remember her human life except that she had a son probably because of Charles, Esme's first husband. She doesn't talk about him and I wondered sometimes if Rosalie and Emmett know about him. Of course Carlisle would know and Edward knew because he reads minds and was there when Esme was a newborn. I knew because in the years waiting for Jasper I practiced my gift by searching out for the Cullens. Jasper too, of course, but as Jasper's life was so sad, I didn't do it as often. The Cullens were only Carlisle and Edward originally.

My searching for them actually started because an uninvited vision had arrived when Esme jumped off the cliff. Curious about what that meant I began attempting to watch them via my gift. My visions allowed me to watch Carlisle change Esme. That was how I first learned how humans become vampires. Curious about learning what things as much as possible, Carlisle taught me as he taught Esme. Through my visions Esme struggled to adjust to her new life, but the oddest parts were when Carlisle would do something like raise his hand to touch her cheek and she would flinch. It was very confusing. Then one day there was a portion of a conversation between Carlisle and Esme about Charles. That was when I learned that Charles was a bad person, that he had hurt Esme, and that Esme didn't want to talk about it anymore. She wanted to forget Charles. But as today suggested, she hadn't really forgotten.

Sadness with a pinch of pity swam within me.

Jasper turned around and looked at me. He shook his head no slightly. He leaned into my ear and breathed, "You've got a big heart June bug, but there's no need for pity. That's her old life. There are bad things in this world and sometimes good people get caught up in them."

He had said this to me many times before. When he says those words he's talking about himself as much as other people. This statement is how he has reconciled his past. He was also speaking truth for this moment. He looked at me piercingly with his eyes and sent me love.

I nodded in the way that told him he was right while bringing myself to a place of tranquillity. No reason to fret over spilled milk, and Carlisle knew exactly how to comfort his wife. Jasper was right. Without Charles we might not have Esme with us now. It all turned out okay, so it was worth it in the end.


	6. Edward-What Now?

**DISCLAIMER: Carlisle's reference to Esme as 'apple' is a pet name originally created by Miki In Blue Jeans** **used here with permission** **from her story Faith & Love here on FanFiction. The story also inspired Esme's thought processes.  
**

 **Reference to Edward's activities during his rebellious period are curtsey of Jessica314's story Tale of Years: 1927 here on FanFiction.**

Chapter 6: Edward–What Now?

* * *

Of course Carlisle's story of his co-worker's daughter upset Esme. Before the memory could surface I knew it was coming–the one image of Esme's previous husband, Charles, that refused to leave Esme–Charles raises his arm above her, she's on the ground cowering with her back against a wall with nowhere to go. Charles brings his arm down and with an open palm slaps Esme. Her head hits the wall due to the force and the memory ends, most likely because she blacked out. Of all the men's lives I took during my rebellious period, when I hunted humans, his was the first and the only one I don't regret.

A memory of a vision of Esme jumping from the cliff flittered through Alice's head and then snippets of Esme's awakening and her first year as a newborn. It was doubtful that the other family members knew the extent of what Alice had witnessed about us. It was weird sometimes to think about how she had always been there with us, watching us before she showed up. I preferred not to linger of those facts because then I was reminded of how much of my past she had seen, how she had watched as I consumed hundreds of scum and my returning to Carlisle and Esme the prodigal son.

Jasper must have caught something in Alice's mood, because he turned to her and whispered something in her ear, and then she nodded. He turned back to what he was doing, once again his mind immersed in the world of electronic symbols. I have suspected ever since he began this role in the family that those electronic symbols do for Jasper what music does for me. At least mentally he gave it his full concentration.

Rosalie's mental reaction to what Carlisle had shared was very similar to Esme, but she had no outward change. Rosalie's mind went to the look on her fiancée's, Royce's, face on that fateful night when Royce along with some of his friends had brutally raped her and left her for dead right before Carlisle had found her. Then like balm on an old wound, she replayed how she murdered each of those scum. Emmett squeezed her hand.

I sat and thought about what Carlisle had just said and Bella's physical appearance. This was what Carlisle must have meant when he warned me. Dr. Whitaker might allow his daughter's experience to colour the facts of Bella's medical history. Although, this was a less deadly threat than the Volturi and less potentially impactful in our daily lives than the FBI, it was even riskier. The Volturi would return in a decade or two by which time Bella would be changed. The FBI looking too closely at us might require us to relocate to India for a century. But, Dr. Whitaker might be motivated emotionally to protect Bella in a way that he hadn't been able to with his own daughter. Too close of an eye on our family might bring out the pitchforks and torches in the townsfolk. This wasn't bits and bytes that could leave confusion and a lack of evidence. It was human beings with memories that could not be erased. Not to mention the nearby wolves who were too young to realize the cost of war. Our family had been sitting on a razor's edge since Bella came into our lives. This had the potential to bring not just the Volturi's wrath on us, but bring about the end of every man, woman, and child in the town.

I looked at Carlisle and tried to convey my apology non-verbally. When he looked up and caught my look he nodded. He then turned back and whispered to Esme, if I had to guess, asking her if she was all right for him to continue. She nodded slightly.

"The thing is that Bella does have a lot of past injuries, many of which I've treated outside the hospital. Dr. Whitaker's behaviour indicates that he is suspicious. After you left Edward, he asked to become the primary physician on the case. I told him that I would be grateful, since I had a full load, and it was an emotional strain to treat my soon-to-be daughter-in-law. He seemed to buy that, and given our history as colleagues, I hope that his focus is no longer on me. That leaves you and Charlie. Charlie I warned and is a man of the law. I'm certain he can handle himself, leaving you."

I was going to be mentally accused of abusing Bella. I could take that. It was certainly no more difficult than Jacob's or at times the other werewolves' mental pictures of Bella's and my relationship. The real difference was that this man had power and authority to bring the spotlight onto me and by extension my family in a way that was dangerous. Once again I was the cause of putting those I loved at risk.

I began to replay all of the ways that I had endangered my family since encountering Bella. First was the fact that I had wanted to kill her, then when I had exposed our nature by saving her from a van, then when I had caused my family to protect Bella against a coven, then my own stupidity when I went to Italy, then the army of newborns, and now this. I was so unworthy of being a member of this family. Why they kept me around after all of this astounded me.

 _Whatever you're thinking Edward, stop it. That feeling of unworthiness isn't going to help Bella or us,_ Jasper warned as he looked at me sternly.

Jasper's request, irritating at it might be, had a point, thus my mind focused on the night before the battle when it had been just Bella and I in the house. Against my better judgement she and I had reached an agreement about me changing her. My reluctance seemed idiotic at the moment because even though I still wished to give her as long as a human life as possible, her being more durable was looking appealing. It certainly wouldn't have caused a trip to the hospital. Or even if she had allowed me to buy her a safer car would have helped, but she had adamantly refused. As Esme had pointed one day when she heard me whining about it, even if I did buy a safer vehicle Bella could refuse to drive it. Then Esme had reiterated the importance of respecting the choices of the one you loved.

Esme's insistence on this point was in part why I had agreed in the first place to change Bella, but I had hoped to convince Bella to stay human a little longer. Somehow all my reasons, all my rationalizations, all my beliefs about souls and damnation had flown out the window. The only thing that truly mattered was to have Bella alive and in my arms in any form, any temperature. I reviewed what my thought process had been on the way to the hospital. I had wanted to honour my promise to Bella. There must be some nobility in that. Nevertheless, I couldn't shake the nagging foreboding feeling that reminded me of my time holed up in Brazil. i couldn't help but wonder once again if I made the right choice by not changing her.

"Why didn't you just change her?" Emmett wanted to know out of the blue.

I had been too lost in my thoughts to hear his inner voice, so I was caught off-guard. Not to mention that, given where my mind had just been, it felt like an accusation. I wanted to snarl, lunge at him, and punch him across the jaw.

 _Self-doubt and self-pity aren't helpful either, Edward,_ Jasper chastised.

I missed the day when he would keep his opinions to himself; it was the cost I was paying for risking Alice in Italy.

On a good note, Jasper's comment helped calm my anger and see that Emmett was only voicing doubts I myself had. Despite my confidence on the way to the hospital that she not be changed, given this new threat, I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure of anything anymore, actually. Time and time again just about the time that I thought I had found a new centre, something I thought I could count on it would be destroyed. Like when Carlisle agreed to change Bella.

After I had confessed my love to Bella and before I left her, my existence had been altered to contain three foundational truths: her remaining alive and human, that I could trust her to keep my secrets, and that I loved her more than my monster wanted her blood. Our encountered with James' coven had threatened the first cornerstone. Nevertheless, it was that same foundational element that had helped give me the strength I needed to leave Bella after her birthday fiasco. While I had been in the hospital waiting for Bella to recover from James' attack I had added a fourth foundational truth: Carlisle and Esme loved me unconditionally and infallibly as if I were a creation from their own flesh. After Italy I had added a fifth: Bella loved me. I felt unworthy, but my world seemed solid. Then Bella called a table conference post-Italy to vote on her being changed. Rosalie and I had voted no. Jasper, Alice, Emmett, and Esme had all voted yes. Carlisle had never been overruled, and he had given his word to never change anyone, so I nervously sat waiting for what he would say to persuade at least Esme to say no.

 _Edward, you've put me in an awkward position here,_ he thought at me.

I stared at him already knowing this, confident that he wouldn't go against my wishes, and certain that he wouldn't go against his word.

 _You love her. You were willing to die rather than to be without her and she the same. You exposed our family to the Volturi and Alice has promised them that Bella will be one of us._

Yes, I knew this. I didn't like where this was going.

 _What choice do you leave me? I am in the same trap that I was in when Rosalie begged me to change Emmett. I cannot, I will not risk the lives of all that sit here including yours and Bella's over this. She has already chosen. She is entering into this life with her eyes wide open._

Everything inside of me begged to lunge at him. Instead I left the table. One decision with only a few words from the individual I trusted more than any other had destroyed the first of my foundational elements, leaving me only four. I had been betrayed. As always I understood his reasoning. He was acting out of love and a desire to protect his family, but he was doing so at the cost of Bella's soul. He didn't believe that, but he knew I did. I wanted to roar and scream, but Bella was in the other room and I didn't want her to see me like that. Instead I found the closest thing my hands could touch, crushed it between my hands, and fell to my knees. How could this have happened?

Everyone's thoughts had vibrated in my head. Esme was chastising me for my behaviour, Carlisle was trying to explain and reason with me, Rosalie was telling me to stop being a spoiled brat, Emmett was apologizing for voting against me while also trying to imagine what vampire Bella would be like, Alice was thrilled, but it was Jasper's voice that came through clearly as if he had sharpened his thoughts to be a dagger right into my core.

 _Stop it!_ _You made this mess and you're not going to get what you want. You endangered us all by your stunt. What did you expect was going to happen? She wants this. Stop throwing yourself a tantrum!_

That had been the first time Jasper had spoke to me in that way. He was rightfully angry with me for jeopardizing Alice and for bringing her onto the Volturi's radar. His interjections had lessened as time went on, but mental paths that I had gone down for decades he blocked at every turn.

My mind came back to our discussion regarding Dr. Whitaker feeling Carlisle's eyes on me. Quickly I reviewed what had happened since getting lost in my thoughts.

"In the car Dad said she was stable," I begun to explain, "and since we have yet to get a formal acceptance of Bella's change from the tribe, I was concerned of the possible ramifications, especially since things are going well right now. Also, it seemed likely that Charlie would get suspicious without Sam's support since Sam was first at the scene, and Charlie calling the FBI is something we've worked hard on avoiding. Given those variables, I decided to stick with the original plan to change Bella sometime after we have supposedly gone away at college."

 _What about the wedding?_ Alice asked.

I shook my head no slightly. I still wanted to have the wedding and marry Bella, but right now that was the furthest thing from my mind. What mattered was clearing my name, keeping our secret safe, and Bella waking up not necessarily in that order.

 _I bet they already heard me ask Bella about it and are waiting for you to formally announce it._

I glared at Alice. She was probably right, although the garage is far enough away on purpose, as secrets are impossible to keep in this family. Not that our engagement was a secret, this just didn't seem like the right moment. Fortunately Jasper saved me from unnecessary embarrassment.

"Dr. Whitaker looks legitimate. There was a restraining order issued about ten years ago in his daughter's name against a third party. A home address, which if she was living with her parents at the time we can assume is also Dr. Whitaker's home address, is listed as a space that the defendant was supposed to stay clear of," he reported.

"Thanks, for checking Jasper." Carlisle looked at each of us. "We've had a lot come at us since Bella has entered our life."

I thought about arguing, defending her, but Carlisle had a point. He must of seen something on my face, because he mentally added _It's not your or her fault, but her presence has brought a lot of change to us all, in you the most, my son,_ while he continued.

All the danger I have brought to my family flew through my mind again. I tried to think of something else. I really didn't need another mental chastisement from Jasper.

"We have been asked to adapt and change in new and sometimes strange ways. Our developing relationship with the Quileute defenders is just one example. Before recent events, though, the likes of Dr. Whitaker were our greatest worry, a caring passionate smart man who is trying to look out for the welfare of another human being." Then he smiled. "Perhaps a regular worry is exactly what the doctor ordered for each of us."

Rosalie was remembering the last time we had to move because of Emmett.

Emmett was remembering a particular move that he liked that he had made against a newborn.

Jasper was strategising how to address this threat.

Alice was remembering Bella in hospital after James.

Esme was trying to imagine Bella in a coma.

 _And then a wedding? Hum?_ Carlisle directed at me.

I slumped my shoulders and Carlisle grin broadened.

"So, do we need a family meeting?"

We all said, "I'm good," almost at the same time. Then we started to laugh.

Carlisle was right and we each knew it in our own way. There just had been too much tension over the past months since we returned to Forks.

"Well, then, since we are in unanimous agreement," he grinned broadly remembering the last time that happened, "what say us regarding how to handle Dr. Whitaker? Esme, Rosalie I'd especially like to hear your ideas."

Both of them gave Carlisle a questioning look, but he said nothing.

All of the men wondered why Carlisle would make such a request, as it was a first for our family.

Rosalie and Esme looked at each other. Rosalie had a look encouraging Esme to go ahead while mentally she was running through different options, while Esme's mind had conjured odd images that mixed Charles with human women I didn't know and then Bella.

"Well, maybe if we could show the good doctor that Bella has lots of people in her life, all who love her, all who are different in their own ways then maybe he would see that she's not so similar to his daughter after all?" Esme offered tentatively looking nervously at her husband.

Esme's demeanour combined with her suggestion resulted in surprised thoughts from both Jasper and Emmett as well as Alice but to a lesser degree. Carlisle was mentally pleased and Rosalie's mind immediately began evaluating Esme's words.

"Thank you, apple," Carlisle cooed softly to Esme.

"But that wouldn't really be enough, would it," Rosalie added acidly but quietly as if she were talking to herself. "We'd have to show in some way that Bella's injuries are because she is a mortal interacting with monsters who act as if we're human. Like slugging Jacob." Then she shook her head and looked around. "When is she going to wake up anyway?" she asked coldly at her usual volume.

"We can't say for sure, but we're keeping her sedated for at least 48 hours till the swelling in her cranium is down." Carlisle looked at Alice.

"Hmm," she muttered and then sat still looking for the moment Bella woke up. She searched finding Bella awake, pulled the image to the forefront of her mind, but there was nothing in the room to indicate a date.

I decided to take a calendar with me when I went to see Bella in a few hours and would cross off the days in the month to help Alice.

A calendar appears on Bella's wall. The date was the coming Friday. There is indirect sunlight coming in the windows. Charlie is in a chair next to Bella. She opens her eyes and they immediately find me.

Then Alice's vision started going backward, like all the motions of everything was in rewind from a movie moving faster and faster till even I couldn't keep up. It stopped with Alice standing on a street at night with a truck's headlights glaring at her.

"Sometime on Friday is the best that I can guess," Alice told everyone.

I looked at her questioning. She shrugged back with worry on her face.

 _I don't know what that's about. I'll work on it._

I nodded slightly. That was strange. I was confident Alice would figure it out. She wouldn't like glitches in her gift any more than I did in mine.

"So, four days and some change?" offered Emmett.

"Huh-huh, but my gift isn't exact. We've all learned that the hard way."

 _Yes_ , everyone's thoughts said about the same time, including mine. Jasper's thoughts added a slight grumbling _Been trying to tell her that for decades._

"So, are we going with the girls' plan?" Emmett said sounding confused.

"Objections?" asked Carlisle.

"It's unorthodox." Jasper stated.

"Any other ideas?" Carlisle asked.

My phone rang. It was Renée.

"Renée. I'll call her back," I informed my family.

Carlisle and Esme didn't agree with my decision believing it rude for me to ignore Bella's mother, but my siblings didn't seem to care. I would call her back on my way to the hospital.

My ideas for Dr. Whitaker were more in line with Jasper, quick and efficient, something that would discredit the doctor or make sure he didn't talk, but given what I knew about Esme's and Rosalie's history I wasn't about the tread into those waters. I guessed Jasper felt the same, although he was running through a risk analysis, and Emmett didn't really care, so wasn't about to contradict his wife.

Esme started to incorporate Rosalie's ideas into the images she had been conjuring. I love how my mother thought in pictures and colours. It was often so beautiful.

"Esme," I gently prodded, "would you be willing to share your thoughts? They're quite lovely."

Everyone was curious about what she might be thinking especially Carlisle.

She looked up at Carlisle bashfully and took in a deep breath.

He looked at her encouragingly.

Then she nodded. We all looked at her. She was usually the wallflower at these types of discussions. We all immensely respected her. She made her opinion known, but was just usually gentler and subtler about it than the rest of us.

"Well, I was thinking about what Rosalie said, and she's right. Bella's injuries are, in part, from not being physically equipped to withstand her proximity to our world."

My same old arguments about the danger I posed to Bella began to play out in my mind. Before Jasper could say anything I contradicted them. Esme was telling the truth. Friday night I had agreed to change her so that she might remain mine forever. She wouldn't be forced to be changed, but I could no longer deny her nor could I risk losing her. It was the most selfish decisions I had ever made, but in the midst of it I had found one new cornerstones–Bella would be my wife.

Then I allowed my mind to examine Alice's vision closely. Bella had woken up on Friday and looked right at me first thing. I trusted Carlisle's medical assessment implicitly. Additionally, Bella had received a concussion before with James' attack and recovered. These three things combined gave me confidence that she would wake and everything would go back to the way it was. At least I kept telling myself that.

Esme's voice pulled my focus back to the conversation. "Now, we can't tell Dr. Whitaker anything, but I was thinking perhaps we could show him what can be seen: our family and the Quileutes all visiting Bella. Especially in mixed groups he can see how we interact, but I was also thinking about how from a human's perspective, the Quileute youths might seem intimidating, especially when there would be a lot of them in a room." She began to have she smallest of smiles like she did when she was designing a new home for us. "Then we could tell Bella stories. Like about how Bella jumped off the cliff as a new sport or how she got into trouble for having a motorcycle or when she punched Jake for kissing her. And if Charlie was there he could complain about how long he's had to ground her for and how much trouble she's been in, while also praising how responsible she's become." By now Esme had a proper grin on her face.

Carlisle was glowing while everyone else stared with our mouths open.

All of our thoughts were in awe. When coherent thought returned _Who knew Esme had it in her?_ was the common theme from my siblings. Carlisle's mental accolades were embarrassing.

I would have never guessed, even from her mental pictures, that was what she had in mind. Of course, as she spoke, the pictures her mind conjured made us all get along like we're best buddies rather than mortal enemies.

"That requires being in a small room with the wolves, Esme," Rosalie pointed out.

Jasper must have felt something from Esme because he interjected. "Well, as much as the wolves stink and I would much rather _not_ be in a hospital let alone a hospital room with _them_ , you're idea, Esme, is by far a more gentle persuasion than anything I could come up with."

"Well, thank you, Jasper."

"You're most welcome." Then he bowed his head slightly.

"Well, at least it wouldn't require killing anything," Rosalie relented. Mentally she was shuddering at the idea of having to be civil while in close proximity to the wolves.

"Any other idea?" Carlisle asked.

We all shook our heads no.

"Alice?"

She searched the future for Dr. Whitaker. "Fuzzy at best because he hasn't made a decision yet."

"Someone has to call and ask the wolves," Rosalie spat.

"I will call Billy." Carlisle offered. "I think it would be best coming from me."

Gratefully I didn't have to have that conversation.

"I will check in with Charlie when I see him," I informed them. "If Billy says yes, I will tell Charlie they plan on visiting while also attempting to find out how much time Charlie plans on spending at the hospital."

"Agreed. Anything else?" _Edward,_ he said my name like it was a warning.

Everyone shook his or her heads no.

I coughed. It was an incredibly human thing to do. They all looked at me. "Um, well, um .."

"Spit it out bro," Emmett teased.

"Bella said yes Friday night. Thank you all for vacating the house."

It seemed like they all muttered some variation of "Finally" while their minds were filled with their own excitement about the prospect.

Esme was thinking about watching Bella come down the isle towards me.

 _Would you like me to officiate the ceremony?_ Carlisle asked. He had done Alice's and Jasper's as well as two of Rose's and Emmett's after all.

I looked him in the eyes and shrugged.

 _Best let the bride decide,_ he informed me with a playful tone.

Rosalie and Alice were thinking about flowers and colours and tons of things I didn't care about.

Emmett was thinking about all the ways he could embarrass me at the wedding and about taking me aside to have "the talk" about pleasing your wife.

I would certainly have to avoid that.

Jasper seemed oddly mentally still. By his continence I would guess that he was pleased for me and relieved.

"Did you get down on one knee," Emmett gibed.

"Yes, I did. She said yes, and then I put the ring on her."

"But she wasn't wearing it," Esme pointed out glumly and confused.

"Well, she didn't want it to get lost in the midst of a battle." I tried to look them in the eyes, but it was mostly the floor.

All the while Alice was running through the night like a movie.

"Alice," I growled.

"I know, I know. Look I'm sorry. I just couldn't help it. You two really are adorable."

"Fine! You have your answer, now, no more peeking. We haven't told Charlie or Renée yet."

"Can I peek to give you the best wedding you've ever had?"

"Only because Bella already said you could."

She grinned like a Cheshire cat. What was I getting myself into?

Suddenly the girls were talking about flowers and colours and linens. Us men folk looked at each other wearily. Carlisle came over first.

He wrapped his warms around me. "Congratulations, son. I'm so happy for you." He was positively beaming. Although the contact made me uncomfortable, I welcomed it.

"She's going to make a real man out of you, finally," Emmett teased trying to give me a nuggie.

"I'm happy for you, Edward."

"Thanks Jasper."

 _Radiant?_

I smile and nodded. Yes, I felt like I was glowing from the inside. She irritated me and annoyed me to no end sometimes, but I couldn't imagine asking for anyone else.

"Dad, when's your shift at the hospital?"

"5pm, but I might go in an hour early. And I'd like to check on Jacob beforehand."

"I was thinking about being there a little after 9am. It is visitor's hours after all." I sighed.

I looked at Jasper and he nodded. I guessed Jasper had moved on.

"Okay, well, let me call Billy and see what he says before you leave."

"Sure thing."

 _What? You're not going to camp out there?_ Jasper thought slightly teasing.

"You know, man," I put my hand on Jasper's shoulder, "that hurts. I come home. Take care of my family responsibilities and now what?" I asked trying to keep the laughter out of my voice.

"Well, maybe you _have_ grown up enough to get married." His glint in his eye was a rare thing between us.

"Well, I ought a," and I went to tackle him.

"Outside," Esme yelled.

We went outside with Emmett trailing behind. I tried to grab Jasper again, but he saw it coming. He settled into a crouch and went for my midsection, but I saw his thought before he moved and got out of his way. We went back and forth each trying to get the upper hand on the other for over an hour. We both could tell with our own gifts that Emmett was getting restless.

 _Together?_

I nodded and simultaneously we both jumped at Emmett and tackled him. I had his chest and arms, while Jasper had his torso and legs. Emmett was desperately trying to get us off us.

"Hey, Jazz," I offered over Emmett's grunts and yelling.

"Yes?"

"Thanks for preparing us so well. We wouldn't be standing as we are without you."

I wasn't sure if it was the words or the emotion that I said it with, but Jasper was speechless. After a while I felt lethargy come over me, and Jasper pounced. I knew he was coming, but I couldn't get myself to care. I found myself pinned to the ground laughing hysterically. When I finally got control of myself, I admitted defeat and went to get myself washed up.

Bella will be fine. She wakes up. Alice saw it. I just have to be patient. These were the four sentences I kept repeating over and over to myself. Even if it was my fault, Bella will be fine. She wakes up. Alice saw it. As much as I tried, I couldn't shake a nagging feeling. The negative thoughts that had consumed me and caused me to leave Bella were wiggling their way through. But I wasn't going to dwell on them. Instead, I forced myself to think on what Alice saw. Friday. She would be awake on Friday and everything would go back to normal, well as normal as life with Bella could be.


	7. Jacob–You and Me Both

Chapter 7: Jacob–You and Me Both

* * *

The medicine had done its trick keeping me out of it all night. I woke up sore and the doc hadn't given me the all clear to shift, but it the day was definitely looking better. Dad must have heard me awaken because he came into the doorway.

"Hungry?"

"I could eat a horse," I replied still a bit groggy.

"I'm fresh out. How about eggs, sausages, and toast?"

"Breakfast of champions."

"'K. Be done in a bit. Remember to stay still," he added sternness to his voice at the last bit.

Having nothing else to do but lay in bed thinking, mostly wondering how Bella was doing. Had she woken up yet? Probably not, but then Bella was always doing things no one expected. Unfortunately, these thoughts were doing nothing more than stirring in me a desire to get out of bed and I didn't want to reinjure myself. Dad would be none so pleased. Forcing myself through a mental list I tried to find something that wouldn't irritate me, frustrate me, or make me restless. That criteria severely limited my options resulting in me thinking about the first time Bella had hung out in my garage after the vermin had left. Ironically, I had been thinking about her then, too.

Dad had said that she wasn't in great shape because the bloodsuckers had left. Well, I didn't know they were bloodsuckers back then. Anyways, I was mad at my dad because I couldn't understand why he was so glad to have them gone when it was had obviously upset Bella that they had left. To top it all off, he'd forbidden me to go over to her house.

All that combined so that when I had heard the familiar sound of the engine I had remade I was really pleased figuring that I must have done something right in the world if Bella had made the effort to come over to mine. When she walked in she looked horrible. Worse than horrible, really, more like the walking dead. She could have easily been mistaken for a zombie. She walked and talked, but there was no light on upstairs. I could see why her dad was worried, which also made me more upset at my dad.

Honestly, I didn't know how to help her. Her dad had tried, but he didn't seem to be making any headway. I was just a sophomore, what did I know? So, I didn't try to fix her. I didn't think about her as a car I was working on. I just let her be, moody and all. And I paid attention, trying to do any little thing that would make it so that she didn't flinch. Lots of things made her flinch. It seemed to work because she kept coming round and we kept spending time together. In the end that was all that mattered–us hanging out.

The phone rang interrupting my thoughts. The smell filling my room indicated that breakfast was almost done.

"Hello," Dad greeted the caller.

"Good morning, Billy. I hope I didn't call too early," I heard the bloodsucking doc say.

"No, I'm an early riser." My dad was quite gruff.

I was glad that Dad still didn't trust the bloodsucker even if he had tortured me into me being restitched back together correctly.

"In that case, do you have a moment?"

"Sure, go ahead," Dad grumbled tersely.

"Thank you. I called for three reasons. One, I wanted to check up on Jake. How is he?"

"Seems to be healing fine. Gave him some morphine late last night. Slept through the night. He woke up a bit ago. I was just about to finish up making breakfast."

"Glad to hear it. Would you mind if I stopped by between three and four this afternoon just to check that everything is setting correctly?"

"Yeah, that would be fine." Dad said it like it was goodbye.

"Um, Billy, there was two more things, actually."

Silence.

"Alice said that she called you about Bella."

"Yes."

"I wanted to apologise on behalf of Alice in case she was rude or offensive in anyway, not to mention that we had agreed when we first moved to Forks to keep communication between us two."

"I don't expect it will happen again."

"No. Alice can be exuberant at times and she was acting out of her fear for Bella. She really wasn't thinking calmly in the moment."

"It's fine," Dad gruffed back. Sounded to me like he hadn't liked Alice calling or the way she spoke to him, but he was willing to let it go.

"In that case thank you for your patience with her and your understanding. I hope it had no negative effects on our continued cooperative relationship."

"It's fine," Dad stated brusquely back but his tone had softened slightly.

"Our continued understanding means a lot to me. Your grace about her lack of protocol is greatly appreciated."

Dad said nothing, so the doc continued, but I couldn't help but think he only appreciated the treaty because he was afraid of us. He had outnumbered my great-grandfather Ephraim, but he didn't outnumber us. Maybe that was the game plan of the Cullens. They weren't as immediately dangerous as those red-eyed leeches we had already killed, but it was something insidious like those si-fi movies where the aliens pretend they want to be friends all the while they're really taking over the world. Time was on their side after all.

"Where you wanting an update on Bella's condition?" doc asked.

"Not unless things chanced since Charlie called me last night after you talked to him."

"No. Nothing has changed since then. I'm glad to hear that Charlie was able to update you, which brings me to the third thing. If you're willing, that is, I have a favour to ask. Bella will be kept in a coma for the next few days and then it usually takes most patients a few more to wake up. In the meantime, I was hoping that some of the tribe members that know Bella would be willing to go over to the hospital during visiting hours and see her. Neurologists believe that hearing people a patient knows while sedated can aid the healing process by creating a sense of familiarity. I'm aware that it's a lot to ask since the tribe members have generally stayed away from the hospital these past few years. If it makes a difference at all, I don't usually get there till somewhere between four and five in the afternoon. I mean to apply no pressure on you or anyone else. It would simply mean a lot to us, but please know that it is absolutely a refusable request with no offense taken in any way if the answer would be no. Truly, anything you could do would be appreciated."

Dad paused for quite a while. I couldn't hear the doc saying anything either. "Well, Dr. Cullen, I really can't say. I don't know if I can go until Jacob's recovered and then we'd need some way of fooling the public on his healing." He paused for a few moments again. "What I can do is call around. Each family would have to be making their own decision, mind you, assuming that the counsel would permit it."

"Of course. I couldn't ask for more. You are generous and fair. We care about Bella deeply and I am grateful for anything you can do, no matter how small."

"Yes, but I promise nothing."

"Totally understandable. Thank you, again. I'll see you this afternoon."

"This afternoon."

I heard him finishing up breakfast and then wheeling it to me. I tried to sit up some more without hurting anything. It seemed to take forever. Dad placed the tray on my lap, went for his own tray, and then came into my bedroom so we ate together in an almost recreation of us at the kitchen table.

When my food was nearly done he asked, "How you feeling?"

"Sore," I answered gravely knowing my Dad wouldn't appreciate me making light of things.

"Want some more medication. Doc gave me one more dose for you."

I considered it, but then I'd be out again. "Maybe later, Dad."

"Okay, then. Did you hear him say he'll be over this afternoon?"

"Yeah," I grumbled.

"Done?"

My plate was empty so I handed it to him. He deftly stacked it all so he could take everything back out. Since I was in a sitting position, rather than the laying one I'd been in since the pack had carried me home yesterday, hopefully I could do something other than stare at the walls.

"Any chance I could get something to pass the time?" I asked Dad loudly hoping he'd hear me in the kitchen.

He finished up with the dishes. Just about the time I'd resigned myself to being bored the rest of the day he grabbed some things and wheeled back to me. He had brought in some car magazines and a book about reconstructing engines.

"Thanks, Dad."

"Sure." He stayed for a few moments while I picked up and opened one of the magazines. "You going to be okay for a while? I need to make some phone calls."

"Yeah, Dad. No problem."

He nodded and grunted.

A few minutes later I heard him on the phone talking, I would guess, to Sam. He relayed the Doc's request.

"I don't know Billy. We've had the policy of not visiting the hospital ever since the Cullens arrived. The council agreed it just wasn't safe on the chance that _he'd_ be there."

"I know, Sam. Things aren't quite the same since that was put in place. And I'm not suggesting we go while he's there. The point is Sam that if were just for kindness sake, I wouldn't have mentioned it. But if us visiting really would aid in her healing, well, I thought it might be worth discussing."

"Do you think he's lying?"

"I really couldn't say for sure. So far in my dealings with him he's been nothing but honest. But you fought with them, trained with them. What do you say?"

"They care about Bella. I gave her to them knowing what could happen and they took her to the hospital. I don't know Billy. After fighting those ones, newborns they call them, yesterday, I can see why Ephraim gave the Cullens a chance. They are different from those red-eyed ones for sure. Doesn't mean I trust them or that I'd want him to be Emily's doctor."

"I get it Sam," Dad said heavily.

"I won't appose it," Sam finally agreed after a few minutes of silence.

"I figured each pack family could make their own decision. No pressure of any kind; just letting people know and that there's no council opposition."

"I don't like it, Billy. She wants to be one of _them_."

"I know, Sam. I know."

Long minutes passed. "Fine, but I don't like it. At least it's neutral territory and _he_ won't be there pretending to be a doctor."

"He's coming here this afternoon to check up on Jake."

"Figured. Bad enough he will be crossing into our land to treat our own. We need to get our own doctor, Billy." He paused. "I'll tell Emily about Bella."

"Thanks, Sam."

"You're welcome."

Sam was in agreement with me about the leeches. He didn't appreciate being drafted in this war either. On top of that he had been the first one to shift, so it had been hardest on him. There were no warm and fuzzy feelings between him and the bloodsuckers. Yet he didn't seem to hold that against Bella, maybe because she was still human.

Next Dad called Sue Clearwater. After filling her in, she seemed willing.

"I have no opposition. Our presence might be able to do some good."

"Thanks, Sue."

"Do you know the room number, Billy?"

"No, I don't, but that's a good point. I'll call and find out and then call you back."

"That would be great. I'll see what I can do, but I would only be able to go during my lunch."

"We can work out the details when I call you back. How does that sound?"

"Good. Talk later."

"Will do, Sue."

I bet Seth would go too. Leah would be a long shot on a good day. The more of us Bella had the better. Next he called Old Quil, of course, the last of the four counsel members.

"I don't like it," Old Quil said after Dad explained.

"I know. I understand."

"What did Sam and Sue say?"

"That they didn't like it, but wouldn't appose it."

Silence. " _He_ won't be there?"

"He said his shift starts at five."

"Can we trust him?"

"I'm trusting him to come here about three to treat my son."

"Yeah, I know." More silence. "Okay, fine, but I'm not happy about it."

"We'll just leave it up to each pack member family to make their own decision."

"Okay. Fair enough. You and Jake going?"

"Yeah to support Charlie. I figured Bella's safer with us there anyway. No way they can do anything if we're there."

"You have a point there. Maybe I won't appose Quil going after all."

"It's up to you. Do what you think is best."

"I will. Always have."

"I know. Thanks."

"Sure, Billy."

Maybe Dad was thinking the same things I had been, because after that he called the hospital and got the room number. Then he called each family that had a wolf and explained that their child's friend had been in a car accident. I doubted many of the others in the pack cared about Bella, but what did I know.

After a few hours I felt out of it again. "Hey, Dad, would you mind if I had that medicine now?"

"Hold on," he called back.

Shortly after he wheeled in and gave me the last vial. "I'll wake you when Dr. Cullen gets here."

"'K." Then I was gone.

Sleeping from that medicine was weird because everything goes black and then the next moment it was hours later.

"Jacob? Jacob? I need to examine you, now."

That could only be the voice of a bloodsucker. My eyes popped open and I growled.

"Calm down, please," he said calmly.

Why did he always sound calm no matter what was happening? Even when he was dismembering newborns in the field he seemed to do it with a semblance of calmness like someone taking a gingerly walk.

"What?" I barked.

"Jacob," Dad warned. "Dr. Cullen is here to examine you. Please calm down." My father sounded like he was between a plead and a scold.

Well, he probably didn't want me to break the treaty when Doc was just here in a medical capacity.

"Sure. Sure, Dad." I looked at Doc wearily.

He really wasn't so bad for a bloodsucker. He sure did stink with his sickingly sweet scent that made me want to tear my teeth into it in order to get rid of it and the way he talked like some kind of fancy church choir annoyed me, but really, all in all, he wasn't terrible.

"Okay?" Doc checked with me.

I nodded. "Get it over with."

"I'm going to do a full body exam just to make sure everything from your head to your toes are in working order. Then I was going to tell your Dad and you the results for the tests I did, if you're interested at all."

"Sure, sure."

"Alright, then."

Sure enough he wasn't lying. He started with my head. He examined everything. It was still tender at my ribs, but other than that it was all right. I sure was glad I had boxers on. I know docs have seen everything, but that didn't mean I wanted him to see _mine_. By the time he got to my toes I didn't think he could possibly do anything more to me.

"When you learn that, Dr. Cullen?" Dad asked.

"Late 1700s. It was how I did it before all the machines." He said it nonchalantly like everyone learned thing back then and was still alive to talk about it.

My dad's eyes became as round as saucers. Maybe he was impressed. If so, I didn't see why he would be. But he quickly rearranged his features.

"Of course, with humans, I also use my sense of smell as a diagnostic tool, but it's harder with Jake because he is naturally made to be repugnant to me. That's why I wanted to run the blood tests, use some modern medical techniques, just to be sure."

We both just nodded. That made no sense to me.

"So, what's the verdict?" my father managed. His voice sounded softer like there was concern there.

"He's healing nicely. The ribs aren't quite fitted back together completely, but they appear to be in the right place, which is the important part. At this rate, I'd guess another day or so. I could come back tomorrow at the same time to verify." He looked at Dad.

"That should be fine."

"Can I move around now, Doc?"

"Small movements, yes. Like getting out of bed. Going to the sofa and sitting. That kind of thing. No lifting anything yet. No moving faster than a slow walk. You should be fine pain wise, but I can leave one more dose, if you want." He looked at my Dad for verification.

"One more for tonight won't hurt."

"Okay." He handed it to Dad who put them in some side pocket.

"So, do I still need this thing?" As I pointed to the IV in my arm.

"Yes, until you get the all clear, that would be best."

I frowned.

"It's just a precaution. I hope to take it out tomorrow." He looked at me sternly like my dad did sometimes.

It was weird to think of him being fatherly.

I grumbled, but didn't say anything. Then my dad gave me the almost same look that I had just got from the Doc. Weird! "Sure, sure," I told them both.

They stopped the fatherly look; thank goodness. Then they started talking about the test results. Everything looks normal, blah, blah, blah. Something about a DNA test and how my DNA isn't exactly like humans. Great! More evidence that the bloodsuckers made me into a freak. At least Bella likes freaks. I tuned them out and thought about the fact that I had finally gotten Bella to admit that she loved me and we had a proper kiss. I wished that when I would be able to visit Bella that I could do it by myself, but even if Dad didn't go, it sounded like Charlie was manning her bedside. Guess I'd have to wait to when Bella got home to hear how she was going to leave the vermin.

I tuned back in because they started talking about visiting Bella.

"I can't speak for the other families, but I sure would like to go and support Charlie. I talked to him earlier and he sounds like he needs company."

"I'd like to go too," I interjected.

Doc looked at Dad. "I gave Jacob going out some thought. I think my family can rig a cast that he can put on before he leaves the house and then take off when he gets home, so that it doesn't look suspicious. Will that be suitable?"

Dad looked surprised that the leech would have thought of that. "Yeah, thanks. I'd appreciate it."

"Well, your son did get hurt protecting my family. It seems to be the least we can do."

I wondered why he didn't mention the townspeople. That was the basis of why the council had agreed for us to fight in the first place. They had wanted to make sure that none of those red-eyes bloodsuckers fed on anyone here.

Dad just nodded his head.

"Did you want to go to the hospital, Billy, today before visitor hours end or tomorrow? I realise without Jacob to drive you that might be unfeasible. If you wish, I'd like to offer for one of us to drive you there and back. Perhaps Esme, my wife, or Alice?"

"Someone in town will drive me," Dad stated tersely.

"Of course. It was merely an offer in case it would be of benefit."

Dad nodded. "Thanks anyway." His voice was gruff.

"If you change your mind, please don't hesitate to call. As you know we don't sleep, so day or night makes no difference to us."

"Yeah, okay." Dad took in a deep breath. He started wheeling out the door and Doc was following. I sounded like Dad paused before opening the door. "You know, Dr. Cullen, I really appreciate you coming out."

"No reason to thank me. I'm just glad that Jacob is making a full recovery."

I think Dad answered, "You and me both. You and me both," but he was muttering.

Then the door opened and after a few seconds it was closed again.

Gosh darn it! My room stank! And I had just gotten the smell out. Doc had said I could walk around if I took it slow.

"Mind if I open the windows and air the house out, Dad?"

"No, I don't mind, but be careful with yourself. I can't afford for you to get reinjured and have you stuck in bed for another couple of days."

"You and me both, Dad. You and me both."

There was just no quick way to get the stink out, but I opened up all the windows I could and hoped there was a breeze.


	8. Bella–Safe

Chapter 8: Bella–Safe

Water surrounds me on all sides. It touches me and encompasses me, but oddly it doesn't hurt my eyes, enter my ears, or interfere with my capacity to breathe creating a sensation that must be similar to what babies experience in the womb. The major difference is that there is room to explore here.

Taking one arm and putting it front of the other, then pulling that arm back while the other arm reaches forward, then repeating this motion over and over while paddling with my feet the space becomes more familiar to me. It feels natural like dwelling in water is my home and this movement is what makes up every moment of every day. Exploring my brain names my surroundings to be a cave or something similar. There's no light, nothing but darkness, yet the space must be immense because despite the immeasurable time that has passed, there hasn't been an end.

The water is a perfect temperature. It's not cold like the Pacific Ocean of First Beach in La Push or the rivers that flow from the mountain top glaciers and snow packs. It's not even cold like a swimming pool. It's not hot like a hot springs or hot tub. It's somewhere in between. The temperature is right above the body's temperature: warm, but not uncomfortable.

It seems like this environment that is my home had been so forever. No matter how hard my movements, or how far my arms and legs take me neither my muscles ache nor my body requests rest. Yelling for help seems like a perfectly rational thing to do except that how would the sound travel with the water surrounding me on all sides? So, without sound of any kind my arms and legs continue their motion. After an extremely long time my brain curiously wonders why there is not the familiar ache and tiredness of swimming. Does the lack of a need to rest suggest that this isn't real? How to find an answer is beyond me.

Just about then my hand reaches out and there's a bit of rock. As my hand explores this material it discovers that there is a shape to it. There is nothing above it or below it. Perhaps it is free standing? As impossible as that is, the idea tickles me. It would be as if magical creatures were also true. My hand moves further and further into the space exploring the shape of this rock. It's like a shelf. It seems like a place that could be restful.

My body gives off none of the normal indications of tiredness. Nonetheless, taking a break from swimming sounds heavenly; so, I decide to manoeuvre myself onto the shelf. Using my two hands placed carefully on the edge of the shelf and pushing up, there is enough momentum to place all but my legs above the ledge. Then in one fluid movement that is probably only possible because water surrounds me, my arms and body twist until my posterior is resting comfortably on the shelf and my back is against the cave wall.

Through the motion just accomplished, my body contained a sense of weightlessness. What could that possibly mean? It seems odd. People in the space station or in space shuttles experience weightlessness, but this environment is neither of those. It is, in fact, a cave in the ocean. Therefore my weightlessness makes no sense. Once again the strange events and my physical reactions cause me to wonder about the nature of the environment that surrounds me.

Placing my back into the rock that the shelf extrudes out from should be uncomfortable, but instead it's cosy. It feels hard like stone to my touch and my reaction is as if granite or quartz is the most restful sitting surface. My brain is arguing about the natural laws of the universe and how stone is hard and course and sharp, pretty maybe, but not comforting. Nevertheless, the feeling of being comfy doesn't change even with my back pressed firmly against the stone.

My legs are dangling off the shelf. Every so often they move in the same kicking motion they did when swimming. This isn't that bad actually. It feels as if this shelf could be my resting place for eternity. Suddenly there are little pinpricks of light. Immediately my brain wants to tell me that they're stars, but stars can't be underwater. Then it comes to me! Maybe they are fish. In the Biology textbook there had been a chapter about fish that glow in caves. Yes, that must be it. They are glowing fish. Taking my hand and placing it out in front of me allows for the awareness that they are too far away. Interestingly, they don't illuminate the space around them. It is as if their light is in a bubble that does not penetrate the water surrounding them. Nevertheless, sitting and watching them is enjoyable.

Getting off my shelf and swimming over to them seems like fun, especially to see one up close, but maybe they had been there all along and had dimmed their light from my proximity. Probably, they are likely to stay and continue glowing if they have some space. Their need of space seems reasonable. It's just that sense of loneliness and sadness begins to come over me again. Giving another creature space suddenly seems explicitly and completely unreasonable.

My ears pick up something new. Somewhere far away there are muddled noises that are challenging to categorise. After a while my brain is able to sort through the jumble and recognise that the noise is voices. They are garbled, like when you're in a bath and your ears are in the water and someone is trying to talk to you, but it's distant and distorted. Voices belong to people and if the voices could be heard well enough perhaps the loneliness would go away. So, for a while the moments are filled with watching the fish and trying to decipher the voices.

Eventually there is enough clarity in the tones that one of the voices can be singled out. It gives me the feeling like being held safely in the deepest part of the ocean. There could be an earthquake it wouldn't matter. There could be a tsunami. It wouldn't make a difference. There could be a hurricane and it wouldn't be felt. There is a feeling as if this voice has been with me while I was being formed in my mother's womb. It pulls me to my childhood memories, which seem to be mostly summers beside water. This voice gives me a feeling of things being predictable, dependable, unchanging–a place where the tormentous elements of life do not reach. A place that is a little suffocating, yet brings confidence that time will not make a difference. A millennium could go by and that voice would still feel safe. That idea pleases me. In fact, the feeling that the voice gives me makes the cave feel safer. Yes, safe and comforted is what that voice gives me. It is a precious gift for which gratitude is my primary feeling.

There are other voices, voices that systematically come in and out that are unfamiliar and disconcerting. These voices are matched with tones like beeps and squeaks. Their rhythm and accompanying sounds remind me of an old printing press. My mind conjures the image of a loud metal arm coming down and pressing ink onto the paper with a crash, then it moving up in anticipation for the next paper and the next crash at a speed that forces everything to get out of its way or it will get crushed. After my analogy my dislike of them increases.

The first time the printing press noise could be heard, my response is to look around in order to discover where the noise is coming from, but the cave and my shelf and the fish looked the same. There are no foreign objects colliding with my arms or legs, not even a ripple in the water. It is like the noise is too far away to hurt me. I conclude that the safe voice must be keeping the printing press and its accompanying voices far enough away.

There is a voice that holds some similarities in intonation to the printing press voices, but it is sweeter and kinder. Its timbre seems out of place with the rest of the printing press voices. Perhaps it is an angel assisting others guiding the others like angels do. Despite it being in the printing press world, my intuition is that it is trustworthy. It reminds me of the not-my angel that was in the tunnel. The sound of this angel reminds me of flowers blowing in the wind. Fleeting, but the beauty that they bring to the landscape makes their transient existence all that more impactful.

The printing press angel voice is there regularly, often mixed in with the other voices. There is another voice that is also angelic in tone, but not heard as frequent. This other angelic voice seems to come close to me as my ears could almost making out some words, but in the end nothing comes through as the sounds are too garbled. There is a musical quality to this second angelic voice. It reminded me of the very first angel's voice–the one from the tunnel. The printing press one was not my angel. That was clear. This one sounds like it could be my angel, but something's slightly off about it. Maybe the water is disguising the voice.

Perhaps there was some way to convince this musical voice to join me in the cave so it could see the glow-in-the-dark fishes. As more and more of this angel's voice breaks through the clutter and can be heard, it fills with fire and awakens me. It reminds me of the forest in Forks, full of life and vitality, full of vegetation, where each moment the forest is different. With this voice there is unpredictability, but excitement in that, but also sadness. The voice is sad pulling me towards it as if it is lifting me away from my perch.

Sitting on the shelf it is easy to ponder the possibilities of finding that musical voice as well as the ramifications. Although there is a pull towards it, there is no guarantee that this voice is the same one that called for me to come back. Following the musical voice would mean leaving my shelf and my fish, and then there is a possibility that leaving might cause me to be lost forever, never finding the voice or my way back to the cave. On the other hand, I had followed the light rather than the voice calling me in the tunnel, which had brought me into the ocean and then here. Should the voice be followed this time? There is no way to know for certain what would happen if I followed it. Right? No. Leaving seems too risky. Staying seems safer, especially with the deep ocean voice keeping me company.

The fire that the musical voice fills me with scares me. It burns so hot that it feels as if I could end up glowing in the dark as well. Eventually the musical voice ends and only the deep ocean voice stays. The musical voice is obviously ephemeral; to be surrounded by such a glorious sound is something that is not meant for my ears. It is too beautiful to be contained. This depth of the ocean within a cave is not a place for such a heavenly sound. It left because there is nothing about me or my present location that could ever keep something so beautiful here with me. Despite my understanding of this truth, sadness seeps into my eyes and tears join the water around me.

The deep ocean voice is the one who stays. It is the one that helps me feel safe, but more than that there is a confidence that the ocean voice belongs to me somehow. Assuredly we go together. So, despite my tears there is gladness that this is my home. It is an ocean voice and water surrounds me. It just makes sense. This is not heaven. The musical voice belongs in heaven.

Nonetheless, impressions of how the musical voice lit a fire within me linger and there is a sense of loss until my mind is filled with mental flashes of being left in a forest. That's when everything became clear. It isn't simply that the musical voice belonged in heaven and the ocean is my home, but that I had not been wanted, neither then nor now. Probably the musical angel was saying goodbye, explaining the situation in a way that only an angel could. It needed to find another angel to love. That would make sense. It couldn't possibly want to stay near me like the ocean voice. These thoughts and the voice's departure create within me a sadness that leaves me hollow and grieved beyond what my mind can conjure and yet the sensation is familiar somehow.

The pain is crippling. The musical angel will doubtfully return. That was goodbye, right? In spite of the pain or because of it, if the musical voice does return I will follow it in order to attempt to diminish this debilitating sadness. Any nearness, no matter the distance, would be welcomed at this point. It bothers me briefly that this voice has such power over me, but my emotions and body seem to find my pondering irrelevant. The only option available to help with my pain is to leave my cave when the opportunity presents itself. So, there my body rests sitting, watching the fish, waiting, and praying that the musical voice will return.

* * *

 _A/N: Obviously this chapter is quite abstract. It's the first time I've tried such a thing, so if the symbolism is too confusing, please feel free to leave a review or a SM and I would be happy to clarify. Thank you again for getting to this point and sharing your thoughts. I couldn't be the writer I am without you._ _Now back to Alice ..._


	9. Alice–Wild Goose

**The reference to events in 1950 is courtesy of Jessica314's story Tale of Years: 1950 here on Fanfiction.**

Chapter 9: Alice–Wild Goose

* * *

Carlisle's conversation with Billy seemed to go as well as could be expected. I had tried to search to see how Billy would take it ahead of time, but that wasn't successful. Sometimes I could catch Billy in my visions when he was by himself or with Charlie. He wasn't a human I paid close attention to. Therefore, catching him had been was a long shot. Can't fault a girl for trying, though.

Shortly after Edward came to find me.

"Coming with?" he asked.

"Nah. Bella's going to be asleep anyway."

"You heard what Carlisle said. Her having visitors might help."

 _Did it help last time?_

He looked forlorn and despair crossed his features. "I didn't talk to her much last time."

 _I'm sorry. That was in bad taste. I shouldn't have mentioned it._

I was frustrated Bella was in hospital, that my gift had run backwards again, and that we had Dr. Whitaker to contend with. Edward being totally consumed with Bella, although understandable, was also grating on me. Didn't mean taking it out on him was acceptable though. Esme had tried through the years to get each of us to see that it was rude to do so, but, given Edward's recklessness and stupidity since Bella, he was an easy target. What I needed was Jazz.

"I don't know if talking could have helped, Alice, honestly, but I can't be here. It was hard enough last night. The family needed me to be here for talking through things about Dr. Whitaker, but I miss her."

 _I miss her too._

He seemed lost in thought for a few seconds. Hopefully he was realizing that he wasn't the only one that Bella mattered to.

"I'm not sure I made the right choice," he whispered so quietly the sound barely made it to me.

 _Which one this time?_ I asked trying to hide my irritation.

He looked at me annoyed because both of us knew what he was talking about, but I needed to hear him admit it. He can be such a sufferable know-it-all sometimes and his life would have run much smoother if he hadn't been dogmatically insistent on stopping my vision of Bella becoming true from the very beginning. He was wrong back then. He was still wrong. The vision had not wavered despite his attempts.

"About changing her," he admitted guiltily and through clenched teeth. "If I had changed her in the car, then there would be no Dr. Whitaker to worry about."

"True." The look on his face was heartbreaking. _But there might have been wolves to worry about instead,_ I stated even though Sam handing her to us was tantamount to an agreement that we could save her by changing her. Edward probably caught a glimpse of that moment, but as long as I didn't dwell on it he wouldn't know my thoughts at the time or my emotional state presently.

I hadn't agreed with Edward's decision, but rubbing his face in his idiocy would only upset him and possibly cause him to do something stupid, thereby, being a poor plan. The purpose was to push him in the right direction even if that meant keeping my opinions and ideas to myself, and, on occasion, voicing what he needed to hear instead of what I wanted to say.

"I remember," he growled at me.

 _She wakes up confused and anxious on Friday._

"She was like that last time. First thing she asked me was about the cover story and what she was supposed to tell her mom." He looked nostalgic and had that puppy dog look he gets when he thought about something wonderful that he remembers that she had done.

 _See. You've already been through this._ "And as a family we've gone through lots of Dr. Whitakers. We'll take our regular precautions. We'll all do the things we normally do in these circumstances. This is no James or Victoria or Volturi." My choice of speaking this out loud was to help reinforce this point to the household so that they didn't fret too much, which nearly always had the subsequent effect of increasing Edward's anxiety.

My spoken words were the crux of the matter. The threat wasn't severe. At one point, before Bella it might have been, but she had changed that. Since her arrival, as a family, we had faced worse and were still standing. It was an inconvenience for sure and something to be solved certainly, but as usual when it came to Bella he was making a mountain out of a molehill. Then there was the fact that it was his choice she was in hospital and not here in the process of transformation. In truth as much as he whined about it him being away from Bella, it was only a few days. He had gone over six months before. He hadn't functioned well if at all during those times, but we knew how to help him better. This was doable. He just needed to believe it. His attitude was grating on me when I usually had more patience for this post-Bella side of him, thus my need to find Jazz.

He sighed. "Yeah. I know. I worry."

Hopefully his worry would decrease to pre-Bella levels once she wasn't so breakable.

 _You love her_ was all I could convey to him in hopes that it would calm him. He really was a mess without her.

"More than I can express," he admitted with such intensity that it was if a fist had been punched through his chest.

I remembered those early days with Jasper. We held the same intensity for each other as Edward did for Bella. I didn't want to imagine what it would be like once Bella _was_ turned. Because of my love for Edward I had never resented him for the fact that Jazz and I had ended up only having two years before Edward's choices forced us to join the Cullens earlier than I had originally thought. It had worked out and seemed as if it was meant to be, but it made me less sympathetic with him at times.

 _Then go be with her._ "Enjoy your time with her during visitors hours because I haven't yet been able to see you there tonight," I warned him.

"Yeah," he whined, "between Charlie, Dr. Whitaker, and night staff who know Carlisle I figured that the risk is too high. Carlisle asked me to be diligently careful given the scrutiny we're under."

"Will they let you stay?" I asked even though my visions hadn't shown it as a likely possibility. Asking it out loud forced everyone in the house to see the tightrope he would be asked to walk these next days. I should feel bad for him, but I didn't really. He had brought it upon himself.

"Doubt it and I don't want to ask for favours."

 _If I find a way, I'll let you know. S_ ighing ready for him to go be with Bella I showed him the image of Bella waking up on Friday. _No moping, no self-flogging, no running off. We need you Edward. I need you. Bella needs you. It was a car accident. You couldn't possibly be at fault._

"But choosing not to change her is. Thanks for looking anyway."

On that we could both agree.

 _Why did you choose that?_ I asked curious. _Was it because of the wedding? You want to get married first? Because you know it won't matter to Bella._

"No." He looked at his hands. "I made her a promise on Friday and I didn't want to break it."

I ran through what my gift had allowed me to see. _Oh! About you_ trying?

He grimaced. "Yes," he growled. "And I'd rather you kept that to yourself," he said in a threatening tone.

I made a motion of zipping my lip. _You should at least talk to Carlisle about it so that you don't kill her while you're_ trying, I told him unable to help the teasing tone.

He nodded. "After she wakes up. I can't think about _that_ until she's in my arms again."

 _Fair enough. Tell her I miss her will you?_

"I will," he promised.

He headed out shortly after.

I didn't want to go with him until it would be helpful reducing my hospital exposure, and it looked like none of the Quileutes would show today. I really have no idea how Carlisle manages all the blood and fluids and people. As individuals most humans were likeable. As a group, not so much, especially the bleeding kind. I only managed a bleeding Bella because I love her. I would go to the hospital, irrelevant of the challenge it might pose to me, but only when it would make a difference. Today wasn't one of those days.

More importantly, I wanted to keep working on the puzzle my gift had given me, especially since the arrival of the second vision that had done a rewind thing. The fact that how it had rewound was different than the vision of Bella's collision had increased my unease even more adding to my sense of the unknown, which irritated me to no end. I am a seer. The future and possible futures were like reading words on a page. Practically nothing surprised me before Bella despite my family's attempts to prove otherwise. Yet, contrary to my constant vigilance over Bella, she still had gotten hurt. It felt as if my gift was failing me. I depended on my gift to keep my family, Bella included, from harm. If I couldn't manage to do that, what use was I?

Fortunately these events hadn't stirred up the same intense sense of despondency that I had felt when my gift had shown Bella cliff jumping. But it had been trying on me when anyone got near the Quileutes and I couldn't see their future. I intensely disliked the uncertainty of the future that came with the Quileutes, but I had stopped presuming death came with the loss of the future. Nonetheless, what their presence did to my gift was rational. Carlisle had come up with a perfectly reasonable explanation. My visions running backwards had no such element as of yet and it scared me. Bella being hit by the deer had disturbed my equilibrium and confidence in my gift. Hopefully that would all be solved once I figured out what seeing the past meant. My puzzle had another clue, while also making things more complicated had increased my sense of urgency of finding answers.

Before running off to focus on my puzzle, for my family's sake, I searched possibilities for tomorrow and couldn't see the Quileutes coming exactly, but hours had blipped out of existence. That was good enough confirmation for me to move on and focus on other things.

Shortly after Edward left Esme searched me out as I had anticipated she would.

"I was thinking making food for tomorrow might be helpful," she let me know looking for my input.

"Hold on." I went through possible futures exploring the most likely result of her decision to cook. "Looking positive," I let her know. "I can't tell how many will make it, but more hours disappeared, which gives us a larger window to work on Dr. Whitaker."

"Thanks, Alice," she offered as she walked away muttering ideas and ingredients to herself.

Carlisle had gone to find Rosalie and Emmett to explain that he wanted to make a cast that Jacob could put on when he went out in his human form and take off when at home or when he was in wolf form. I checked to see if it would work. Of course, Jacob was nothing but blank nothingness. Nonetheless, Carlisle had successfully roped Rosalie and Emmett into his project. They were already out in the shed engineering. Rosalie and Emmett's future looked like they would enjoy the project, as it was a new challenge, something rare for our family before Bella. That seemed like a good enough reason to do it.

I spent some time searching possible futures trying to find a low risk way of Edward to be in Bella's hospital room outside of visiting hours. So far I had nothing.

After being sure that I had done everything possible to help the next 36 hours, I found Jazz. He was in our bedroom working on the computer.

"What you working on oh husband of mine?"

"Learning more about Dr. Whitaker and his family."

"Covering the bases not discussed?"

"Yes, June bug." He paused and looked at me puzzled. "What's the frustration and irritation from?"

"Edward," I hissed.

He cocked his head in a do tell kind of way.

"I'm just low on patience. It's his fault Bella's in hospital when she could be turning and that we have a new threat to the family. His focus being on what's best for himself without thinking through the price the family might pay is grating on me."

"1950?"

"1950," I answered with a large gust of air.

He came and put his arms around me. "It was our choice. He's not at fault for our choice. And Bella consumes him. That's why he needs interventions to help him remember his responsibilities. He's overwhelmed. He'll figure it out."

"You sound so confident," I pointed out.

"Well, if he doesn't he might just end of living disassembled for a while," he growled playfully.

"Anything you need to tell me about our Dr. Whitaker conversation?" I asked.

Flashes of emotion rippled quickly across his face.

"Edward," he growled.

I chucked grateful we were on the same page. "Oh, and what has our dear brother done now?"

"Just the regular."

I already knew how hard Edward's states since Bella's arrival had been on Jasper due to his gift, not to mention that then when they were here at the house his gift would ease up but the bloodlust would ramp up.

"He does throw the best pity party I know," I said playfully hoping to help Jazz let it go as he had me.

Jazz scowled at me.

"Intervention needed?"

"I took care of it," he answered tersely.

I wasn't sure what irritated Jasper more: that Edward needed these mental reminders or that his gift made him the one having to give them. Checking the relative distant future Edward was sitting in Bella's hospital room on Friday when she woke up. From the outside he looked like his regular self. I could make out no discernable differences from the first time that scene had arrived.

"Bella still is likely to wake looking confused and a little anxious on Friday."

"Is that normal?"

"I don't know. I'd suspect so. Edward said she woke up similarly in Phoenix. She would be waking up in a strange place and probably won't remember being taken to the hospital."

"We should have changed her," he said emphatically.

I sighed. "Perhaps you're right Jasper. But it's been a long time since either of us have tasted human blood. Neither one of us wanted Bella to be our test subject and inadvertently kill her. Last time I checked that decision we were more likely to kill her. I'm not sure either of us have the control, yet."

He sighed. "This has gone on long enough."

"Well, last I looked the wedding was near the end of this summer. Only a few months away. What's a few more months at this point?" I didn't add that a summer wedding had almost all but disappeared. I figured it was because Bella was unconscious and it would snap back to the way it was before as soon as she woke up.

"Knowing Edward?"

I smiled. He sure had made our lives interesting. No more boring Cullen life. Even the pranks had died down. We all have had enough on our plates with the adjustments, taking care of our mates, and rescuing Edward from his own stupidity. But it had come with a price. I had meant what I had told Bella on the plane to Italy. If Edward and Carlisle wouldn't change her, I would. Jazz had been right. Delaying things, allowing Edward to attempt to thwart the vision of her as one of us had only cost our family pain and suffering. A deer would have never hurt Bella, for instance. It was only Edward's stupidity putting our lives at such risk. And now the Volturi were involved.

I loved my brother and I wanted to tear him apart. His ridiculous idea of souls was causing Bella and the family such distress yet he refused to acknowledge how his choices were impacting the rest of the family instead he insisted that he was doing the right thing. My hatred of what he had been imposing upon us was only surpassed by my love for Bella. Thank goodness Carlisle had stepped in.

The type of vision for Bella being a vampire made her transformation inevitable. So, originally I hadn't been in a rush. It would happen. There was no room for doubt. Jazz's argument to not interfere with life's flow didn't hold with the fated visions. He believed that if it was fated and tomorrow was uncertain why delay? It was one of the few parts of our relationship where we were opposed. When I wanted to manipulate the present for a more positive future he held me back, but when I was certain nothing could prevent a vision from happening he challenged the waiting. We don't argue about such things. We are both patient. We express our perspective and then give it time. With Bella in a coma I couldn't help but wonder if things would have worked out better if I had seen the value of Jasper's viewpoint a year ago.

The vision of Bella as a newborn was still clear. No reason to worry. It was meant to be, but there was no doubt anymore that Jazz's plan would have saved us a lot of necessary problems–James' coven and that fiasco to start. Edward had rejected my attempts to convince him of Jasper's opinion when James showed up and then again on the way to the hospital. Both times it didn't matter if I was right or Jasper was; what mattered was Bella becoming a part of our family.

I set these thoughts aside focusing instead on the conundrum at hand. These philosophical questions regarding how to use my gift were of no help if I couldn't decipher what my gift was trying to tell me.

"Well, I need your brilliance please in that case," I told him.

"Back to our puzzle?"

I smiled at how he made my visions our problem. "With an added piece," I said gravely my smile disappeared remembering what had happened.

He scrutinized me closely. "Did I miss it?"

"It wasn't bad, just confusing."

"Tell me, June bug."

So I explained in detail how I had searched possibilities like usual, but upon finding an agreeable future my visions rewound stopping with oncoming headlights.

"So both have to do with the accident?"

"Uh-huh."

"One started at the accident and went backwards, the other started in the future and rewound to the accident."

"Uh-huh."

He was lost in thought trying to find a connection and then something popped into my head. "Jazz?"

He looked at me.

"I don't know if this has anything to do with it, but I just had a memory pop up."

"Okay … let me hear it."

I hesitated nervous.

"What you nervous about?"

"That I'm sending us down a wild goose chase."

"Then send us. We might end up with a goose."

I smiled and looked into his eyes grounding myself. "Okay, but I have to go back a bit for what popped up to make sense."

"Go ahead, then, June bug."

I let my mind wander back. "Before I opened my eyes for the first time I saw you. It was raining sheets outside. You came in wearing a crushed wool grey fedora hat and a long wool almost black coat with your collar turned up. You hadn't bothered to button it. Your shirt was a slight yellow grey from wearing it too many times without washing. You had suspenders attached to your pants that were red. The cuffs of your pants were frayed and muddied. Your shoes were nearly worn through and you had no socks. As soon as you came in you froze. I walked slowly at a human pace towards you, and told you 'You've kept me waiting a long time.'"

"And I ducked my head, like so, and said, 'I'm sorry, ma'am.'" Then we kissed like we had at our wedding. "June bug, where you going?"

"I'm getting to that part." I gazed into his eyes again. "When I opened my eyes I thought that diner was where I was meant to go, so I decided to go there, but then you disappeared. So I decided to stay and there the vision was again. That was how I knew it was the wrong time. I had to wait. Then over the years when I'd check little things would change. Sometimes you gained socks. Sometimes your shirt was clean. Sometimes you buttoned your coat.

"You were there, I was there, but not everything was stationary. Sometimes even the waitress that worked that day would change. One time for fun I ran through all the visions I had of meeting you back to back. It looked real funny with the changes. I was new to my gift so I didn't know to search for the moments that led up to our meeting. I did it by trial and error until I had the best possible outcome, which, by the way, varied slightly from the first one I got."

"But now you know how to find a moment in the future, like Bella waking up without it coming to you."

"Uh-huh."

"And you know how to search through all the moments before that one to find, out of the manifold of options that could be, to get the one most likely to get the result you want."

"Uh-huh."

"I know this already June bug. Your gift has developed, just like mine. Who knows what you'll be able to do in 100 years."

"Yes, indeed."

He sat with his concentrated thinking look. "So, your wild goose is wondering if this is your gift developing something new?"

I looked at my hands feeling bashful. "Wild goose, right?"

"Well, maybe …" He wrapped me in his arms while I pondered the possible ramifications if my wild goose proved to be true. I kept studying the two odd visions, trying to slow the most recent one down in order to see what happened at that blurry pace.

Carlisle had already left, Esme had gotten home and started cooking something that smelled repulsive, and Edward was just about to head home if my calculations were correct when my husband whispered into my ear, "I think it's not a wild goose after all."

I smiled broadly looking deeply into his eyes. "Really?" I asked buoyantly. If his arms hadn't been feeling so wondrously homey I would have jumped up and down. He simply looked at me like I was the most entertaining thing in the world. "Major?"

"Yes, June bug."

"Edward's heading home. I was thinking we should shelve it again."

"I agree." He sent me love and courage.

I was in the middle of doing just that when a vision came of Jazz and Edward leaving together.

"Oh!"

Jazz looked at me patiently.

"You and Edward are going to go do some surveillance together tonight. Probably Dr. Whitaker, but I can't be sure."

"Thanks for the warning." Then he pecked me on the cheek and went to go get something.

I restarted the shelving exercise. When that was complete I focused on the night ahead. "Jazz, don't park on Cherry or Elm streets. If you choose to get closer to the house, watch out for the front yard there will be little toy soldiers that you don't want to step on." Looking once more I added, "Oh! And keep Edward sedated so he doesn't growl. That doesn't go well."

Jazz was in the living room ready when Edward got home.

"What kind of neighbourhood are we looking at?" Edward asked me from downstairs.

"It looks like a typical Forks detached dwellings on quarter to half an acre. Most of the houses are two stories with a few bungalows," I answered.

"Either way perhaps we should drive around the area first, get an idea of the general thoughts, how nosy the neighbours, that kind of thing?" Edward suggested to Jasper.

"Sounds good. While we drive we should be looking for a good location to park. From the maps there looked like there was a small park with a playground nearby his place. Maybe a strange car there wouldn't stand out," Jasper offered back.

"We should take the Volvo. I'll give the all clear when the thoughts give us a safe enough window."

Certainly Edward would never be able to completely eradicate the scent of Bella out of the car, especially as she had just bled in it. Jasper had been around Bella enough. It shouldn't be a problem.

"I'm good," Jasper reassured Edward. "Then we'll get closer."

"Perhaps we'll be in luck and find some large trees that we could climb up into," Edward suggested.

"Don't bring the Volvo too close," I advised. "There's a paved road that goes back to a vacant house about two blocks north and one block west. Use that."

"If they're close enough that should work for me," Jasper told Edward.

"We should stay until Dr. Whitaker is sleeping, then come home and report," Edward suggested to Jasper.

 _Got it,_ I told Edward.

"Good," was Jasper's assessment.

It sounded like they were packing up what they might need. Nothing else seemed helpful other than the warnings I had already given Jazz. Focusing one more time my mind contained flashes of a razor and someone crying.

"What was that Alice?" Edward asked.

I came downstairs. "Not sure." Looked at Jazz I explained, "I saw someone crying. Couldn't make out her face through her hair. And there was a flash of a razor of some kind."

Jazz looked grave.

I focused on my hope and optimism that it would go well; he nodded back.

I shrugged. "If I get anything else, I'll let you know."

When they were ready they headed out.

Jasper having better control pleased me. It meant he could do these types of clandestine activities that he enjoyed in denser populated areas than he had before. Using his gift in this way gave him a sense of accomplishment and pride. It was good for him. So far the visions showed it going well, so I tried not to worry.


	10. Edward–Meeting Dr Whitaker

**Disclaimer: The dialogue referenced that comes directly from the book Eclipse remains Stephanie Meyer's.**

 **Edward silent communication with Carlisle's was originally created by Miki In Blue Jeans** **used here with permission** **from her story Faith & Love here on FanFiction. **

Chapter 10: Edward–Meeting Dr. Whitaker

* * *

This time Renée picked up when I called. Driving to the hospital I explained what had happened and offered plane tickets if she needed them.

"Is Charlie at the hospital?" she wanted to know.

"Practically camped out," I told her truthfully.

"Well, maybe I'll wait a few days then. Call me when she wakes up, please, Edward."

I agreed and committed to texting her daily updates, but couldn't help be once again irritated by Bella's mother. My first impression of her and Bella's interaction had never left me and doubted it ever would. It had been at the hospital in Phoenix where Bella, in bed and bandaged, had soothed and comforted her mother rather than the other way around.

After hanging up I called Angela and told her about Bella's accident.

"Ben and I will try and make it by later," she reassured me.

Both she and Ben were genuinely decent humans.

Unsurprisingly Charlie was here, as he had seemed determined to stay by Bella's side last night. His intermittent mental voice came through once I had gotten close enough to the hospital.

I had timed my arrival to walk up to the front receptionist at seven minutes after nine.

"What you need?" she greeted me. _What a looker! Probably thinks he can get away with anything with those looks._

"I'm here to visit Isabella Swan," I explained smoothly.

"Hold on." _Pushing the limits isn't he? Probably some stalker boyfriend. Maybe he's the reason she's in here._ _Here it is._ "Room 734, take the elevators on the left to the seventh floor, take a right, she'll be on the left."

"Thank you," I stated putting at much genuineness into the two words that I could muster.

"Hold on, mister, you need a visitor's badge." _Arrogant S.O.B. thinks he can just stroll wherever he wants with those Hollywood looks. Needs to be taken down a peg or two._

"Oh sorry." I turned back to her disappointed that my allure wasn't working on her as well as it did on most female humans. No doubt, just like in the Phoenix hospital my despondency regarding Bella's condition overrode it unless I made more of an effort.

Most pertinent at the moment was that the staff didn't perceive that I got special treatment because Carlisle was my father. If people got too irritated they could begin to look too closely at Carlisle. I had already caused enough trouble for my family here in Forks. Despite this knowledge, having restricted access to Bella, especially over something so trite as visiting hours, annoyed me.

She handed me the badge. "Visitor hours are until 6pm," she said briskly. _He better not push his luck or I'll say something. People should be held to the same rules no matter what they look like or how much money they have. Hum. I wonder if he's one of Dr. Cullen's adopted kids. Dr. Cullen is so kind I would have expected better manners from his kid._

I kept repeating my mantra–Bella will be fine. She wakes up. Alice saw it.–as I walked at a nice normal human pace through the halls and to her room. Jasper's admonishment of my darker states came to mind. From its location Carlisle had obviously gotten Bella one of the nicer rooms that, if it had been sunny, wouldn't have had direct sun. I would have to thank him. At least this time Bella isn't in the hospital bed while my eyes were stained red with her blood. These two things to be grateful for weren't much, but Alice had been right. Bella needed me to be strong and wallowing in self-pity, as Jasper called it, wouldn't help her.

I only had Carlisle's memory of Dr. Whitaker, as I had yet to meet the man himself. If he had been one of our kind, I might have been able to find the mental voice without first meeting him, but in a hospital with so many human I was unable to locate his. I would have to wait.

Getting closer to Bella's room I could hear Charlie telling her a story. It must have been over one of the summers that she had visited as a child. By the sound of it he was recounting some fishing trip he had taken her on.

I knocked on the door.

Charlie barked, "Enter."

"Good morning, sir. How's Bella doing?" I offered opening the door and walking in.

"The same," he answered grimly. Then after twenty-three seconds he muttered, "the same."

"Well, I suppose that can be expected," was all I could think of to say in reply. "Did the doctors have anything new to report?" I doubted it, but it had been a few hours since Carlisle had been at the hospital.

"No. Just nurses in and out checking on her. One earlier said that a doctor should be some time this morning."

"No news is good news they say." I was uncertain on whom I was trying to encourage more–him or me.

"Yes," he muttered half-heartedly. Then he looked back at Bella.

"Please, don't stop on my account. Carlisle was just telling me that neurologists think talking helps healing."

He nodded, looked at Bella, and started telling the story again from where he had left off.

Finding a chair some distance away I gave him space and listened.

As usual, Charlie's mental pictures were much more full of care, love, and tenderness than his words and tone of voice.

We sat through the morning each in our spots. I listened to the machines, Bella's natural rhythm that had become my internal melody, and the mental voices in the hospital in a scanning mode checking for key words like Carlisle, Cullen, Bella, or Swan. So far everything I heard was typical small town gossip or medical related.

It was 11:23am when Charlie started grumbling and his stomach was being particularly loud. I figured he would go and find food soon.

"Sir?"

He looked at me with a glare.

"My father asked for me to relay to you that when he spoke to Billy this morning regarding the care of Jacob he asked him and by extension all those whom know Bella up on the reservation if they would stop by in hopes that it would help Bella."

Charlie's face scrunched up and bit of an argument between him and Billy about us Cullens flashed through his mind. I imagined that it was the one that happened before Bella arrived.

As Charlie had yet to say anything I continued, "From what I understand Billy didn't commit to anything. Nevertheless Carlisle thought you should know that he had asked in case they showed."

Charlie's mind was washed in different images and thoughts none of which, for the parts I could read, made any sense to me.

He went to get up. "You hungry?" he asked gruffly.

"No, sir. Thank you, though."

He made an incoherent grumbling noise and walked out the door. As soon as he was out the door, I put up the calendar with the dates crossed off like it had been in Alice's vision. Then I went to Bella and put her hand in mine. An electric current passed through her hand, into mine, down my arms around my shoulders and then split heading into my cranium and down my spine into my legs simultaneously. It was comfortingly familiar and jolting as it had each time. Speaking softly and quickly into her ear about last Friday night I told her how happy she made me when she agreed to marry me, and that I had told my family.

"Honestly, Bella, the suspense is killing me. I can't wait for you to wake up and feel well enough for us to tell your family, for it to be official, and us to set a date. Nevertheless, no matter what, Bella, I meant what I said when we were in the mountains before Victoria arrived. I _can_ be noble. I'm not going to make you choose between us. Just be happy, and you can have whatever part of me you want, or none at all, if that's better. Just know that I'm here for you, love, no matter what you choose."

The same vice grip on my chest, as I had the first time I had said these words, squeezed me, but even the pain couldn't change that I had meant it. Somehow I would find the courage and strength to act on it, if Bella asked me to.

Just then I heard Charlie's mental voice coming back this way. Going into the bathroom I created the appearance of just coming out as Charlie came into the room and then went back to my chair in the corner.

Charlie ate whatever sandwich and chips that he had found while he watched Bella. As time went on I began to piece bits together his thoughts into reasonable guesses. It seemed that he regretted not coming to the hospital in Phoenix and had done so primarily to avoid Renée. There was a hint that he had or planned on taking at least this week off from work _._ He also seemed content by Bella's side and had worrying thoughts while he was away. There was some fear that Bella would disappear or something and my name came up, but that part was harder to put together. The chance that he would leave her side looked slim to none.

Intellectually I knew that Charlie being here constantly and me coming at visiting hours was best for appearances sake. However, Bella and I usually spent our nights together. In order to hunt I might spend the occasional night away from her, but assuming Alice's date held it would be almost five nights. I could already feel the mental and physical strain at the possibility.

Would my lack of presence cause Bella worry that I had left her? Since Italy she had been reluctant for us to be apart for any extended period of time. There was a part of her that still didn't believe me when I told her that I was here to stay. It was a legitimate concern. I was the one that had lied about my feelings for her and then exited out of her life. Perhaps even with her agreeing to marry me there still was a small part of her that worried that I would do that again. Would that part of her be with her in her coma? Would she wake up believing that I had deserted her? No, Alice saw her waking up to me being there. Nevertheless, even the possibility was excruciating.

Bella's insecurity about this was why I had agreed to be with her during the battle. This was why I didn't hunt very far even if I couldn't find carnivores. I was committed to showing her that I would never leave her again. At the same time, I meant what I had told her. I wouldn't force her to be with me. I _would_ leave if that was what was best for her. Truly, no one with my past deserves someone as incredible and giving as Bella, but she continued to want me.

Carlisle vehemently disagrees with my belief that I am not worthy to be known and loved after my crimes against humanity, but he is also my sire and my father and he's Carlisle. Esme also has conveyed to me multiple times how much she loves me. Their unconditional love and acceptance was unparallel and yet it wasn't the same as Bella's. Against their recommendations I had tried to force Bella to let me go, and that hadn't worked, so I had finally fully accepted what my father told me last year: that love is never deserved. Bella insisted that being with me was what was best for her, so I stayed.

In every way possible I have tried to be noble for Bella. Although Bella saying no to me was no longer inevitable, I wouldn't be surprised if she left me one day. Perhaps this was why her accepting my proposal meant so much to me. For her to willingly bind herself to me in matrimony, especially as she was fearful of the institution, spoke to the love she felt for me. Her willingness to marry me, even if it did cost me the agreement that I would be the one to change her, spoke into the part of me that was Masen, the part of me that grew up in the turn of the century, the part of me that desperately attempted to be a gentleman and honour my first parents. But, ultimately, the decision was her's.

While mulling over where Bella and I stood, Charlie had begun telling Bella another story from one of her summer visits. This story also involved fishing. Charlie wasn't a great storyteller. It was detailed, but it contained little emotional tenor. Nevertheless, I enjoyed listening to Charlie talk about young Bella while his mental images gave me fleeting pictures of what she was like back then.

Charlie was nearing to the end of this most recent story when Angela and Ben walked in.

"Hi, Angela, Ben," I greeted them. "Do you know Bella's father, Charlie?"

"Hi Chief," Ben offered. _Oh man. This sucks._

"Hi Chief Swan," Angela said softly. _She looks peaceful._

I stood up. "How's the summer been so far for you two?"

They looked at each other as if confirming that it was okay to talk about such normal things while Bella lay in a coma. Their consideration of her was appreciated.

"Good," Ben answered slowly. Ben's thoughts went to the things he had done so far which mostly involved playing video games and hanging out with Angela.

"A bit nervous about college, you know," Angela said. She imaged starting to clean out her room at home.

"Where did you decide?" I asked politely.

"Washington State," they said together.

We chuckled.

Charlie seemed content pretending to not pay attention to us.

"Dorms?" I inquired.

"Yeah," they both said. Ben imagined the picture in the brochure of his while Angela did the same.

"Ben's is much better, though," Angela admitted.

Ben looked down at his feet and shuffled himself a little. "Mine is really close, but Angela's is a bit out."

"At least they're both on campus," I pointed out.

"That's true," agreed Angela. She imagined long walks to class.

The distance her mind was conceiving couldn't possibly be accurate.

"Have you decided when you'll leave Forks?" I wondered.

"Mid September. Classes start the last Monday of the month," Angela explained.

They both brought teary-eyed good-byes to their families into their mind.

"Wow. That seems like tomorrow," I stated as this seemed to be a common thing to say.

"Yeah." Ben agreed.

There was the sound of a human gait coming towards Bella's room, a male by the sounds of it, and since all of Bella's nurses were female, I presumed it was a doctor. Once he came in reading her chart I recognised him from Carlisle's mental image. There was nothing in the doctor's thoughts other than an assessment of Bella's medical condition.

He looked up and saw Charlie extending his hand. "Dr. Whitaker."

"Chief Charlie Swan," Charlie said as he shook his hand.

 _Swan … Most likely father._ "Nice to meet you in person Chief Swan. Long on the force?" _I wonder why I never met him with my daughter's troubles. I felt as if I knew every officer personally._

"Yes, twenty more years now."

 _I wonder if he's a Forks man? Probably._ "Good for you. It's an honourable and needed profession." _But not enough. Their hands were tied. It wasn't enough to protect my baby._ Then images of her in hospital went through his mind.

Charlie nodded. I would guess from his thoughts that he had received this kind of reaction before. "Where's Dr. Cullen?" he asked gruffly.

Ben, Angela, and I just stood clumped together trying to remain inconspicuous.

"Yes. Dr. Cullen agreed for me to be the attending physician for Bella. It's hospital policy for us not to treat friends and relatives if at all possible."

"I see." There was a long pause. Images of Carlisle and Charlie and a female I didn't know came to his mind.

I wondered if this third person was why Charlie defended Carlisle and if Charlie was debating objecting to this new arrangement or not.

"Anything new, doc?" Charlie finally asked.

"No, but I would like to send her for an MRI today just to double check that the swelling is heading in the right direction. No rush, since we know she's stable, though."

"Alright." Charlie stared at Dr. Whitaker challenging him to do anything less than the absolute best for his daughter.

Dr. Whitaker's thoughts began to wander back over all of Bella's injuries and his concerns. Carlisle was right. Dr. Whitaker thought that some type of abuse was going on. Dr. Whitaker's eyes started looking away from Charlie as he tried to figure out how best to proceed. It was then that he noticed me.

 _He must be Carlisle's son. Different features, but same perfect yet white skin, same model looks._ Then images of how I might have caused the injuries to Bella filled his mind. I worked at stifling a grimace and then a growl as they grew more violent. He gave Ben and Angela a quick glace and turned back to Charlie.

"Chief Swan, would you mind if we talked more in the hall?" And then his eyes moved over to me.

"That's fine," and then Charlie moved out of the room catching Dr. Whitaker off guard.

 _Maybe I can get to the bottom of this. Police chief's daughter and Dr. Cullen's son. This could be a big mess, but I can't just let things slide if there's something going on._

"What's that about?" Angela whispered to me.

"I'm not sure," I answered whispering back, "but I felt like he looked at me like I had done something to Bella."

Ben looked aghast and Angela looked shocked.

"How could he?" Ben whispered.

"Well, Bella does have a history of injuries," I pointed out.

Both Ben and Angela shook their heads. They were both trying to mentally figure out how anyone could think I would hurt Bella. They really were good friends.

"What can I help you with Doctor?" Charlie asked in the smoothest voice I had ever heard him utter.

How much would he go along with what Carlisle had told him was beyond even Alice since Charlie had yet to make a decision before I had left the house. That wasn't usual for Charlie. Unless it was plans for fishing he seemed to live most of life by acting in the moment, so not worrisome. They walked far enough away that a human wouldn't have been able to hear them.

"Well, Chief, honestly I am worried about Bella. She has a lot of injuries in her record."

"That's true," Charlie conceded.

"Can you do something to prove him wrong?" Ben whispered to me.

"Any reason that you can think of why that might be?" Dr. Whitaker asked Charlie.

I shook my head. "I can't think of anything. I mean how do you prove that you _didn't_ do something?"

"First off, until last year she lived in Phoenix with her mother, who between you and me wasn't a very attentive parent. She didn't watch Bella closely enough, in my opinion. Bella never got more than a few scraps and bruises when she visited me, but it seemed every year Bella was in the hospital for something when she was with her mother–a cut needing stitches, a fall, a twist of something, a few broken bones over the years. Mind you, Bella is a klutz, can't seem to avoid falling over or running into things, but I think Renée has a lot of fault for Bella being in the hospital so much."

 _Well, that explains the older injuries, and Bella no longer lives with her mom, but …_ "What about the ones since she moved here?"

Ben and Angela began mentally strategizing how to help me out and then whispering ideas.

"The last time she was here for bumping her head was when a car almost ran into her, but Edward had pushed her out of the way. The broken leg and concussion was from last year. She ran away and fell down some stairs in Phoenix. Edward went to her with Carlisle to convince her to come back to Forks. Recently she punched a kid who had kissed her and hurt her hand, and now the car accident. My daughter seems to have the worst kind of luck." Charlie said it all as if he were reading off a rap sheet.

 _Well … that sounds … like really bad luck … maybe because it's more than bad luck?_ Then an image of whom I assumed to be his daughter to be in nearly as bad of condition as when Carlisle found Rosalie came to his mind. She was barely recognisable.

"Could we do something to help?" Angela asked quietly.

"There's a very recent scar on her arm" _that looks self-inflicted._

"She went hiking. Probably fell on a rock or something. She does that a lot."

 _She must be lying to her father. But how to prove it?_ "You like Edward?"

There was a long pause. Charlie had images of Bella when I was gone flash through his mind. I had seen them before. Nevertheless, they were still disturbing. "He devastated her when Dr. Cullen took that job in L.A. and broke off all communication with her. She won't talk about it. When the Cullens came back they picked up where they had left off. She's too forgiving my kiddo. I don't like that he hurt her like that, but he's been nothing but respectful to her and me when I'm around."

I had acted like I was pondering Angela's question. "I dunno. You have any ideas?"

 _He's on his best behaviour around her dad. Her self-injury and her father not knowing that she's self-cutting lends credence to abuse that he isn't aware of. How Carlisle's son treats her when it's just the two of them is the question. I would have never guessed that Fredrick was treating my little girl so badly until it was too late and I'm trained to know what to look for. The Chief is probably as blinded by his love of his daughter and unwillingness to consider she might be mistreated as I was. But I need evidence this time._

Both Ben and Angela looked like they were deep in thought.

"Thank you very much Chief Swan for clearing that up. I appreciate your candour." _Would Carlisle cover up his own son's behaviour? I would have never thought so, but the love of child can have you do things you never thought you would._ Then he remembered storming up to, what I assumed was Fredrick's door, and banging loudly. Then when the occupant came to the door the good doctor assaulted him with a bat, telling him to leave town, and never come back.

I decided Carlisle's assessment of Dr. Whitaker being passionate was an underestimate.

"Just get Bells well," Charlie commanded.

"We're doing our very best." Then I heard Dr. Whitaker's footsteps receding.

"Everything okay, sir?" I asked Charlie when he came back into the room.

Ben and Angela tried to appear innocent.

He looked at me suspiciously like he was considering if perhaps Bella's injuries were my fault. They were, of course. Every single injury was somehow related to her proximity to my life and world, even this one. For my family's sake though, I could never own up to those truths to Bella's father. And Bella kept insisting that I was not responsible, that they were consequences of her choices. And my family, well my parents especially, kept reminding me that it was her choice to stay in our world and she had made her choice clear. The only one who blamed me was Jacob. His mental images were gruelling at times, but I deserved the punishment, and so I took them without complaint. They allowed me an appropriate penance of sorts.

Then Charlie looked at Bella and sagged into the chair next to her as if he was 20 years older. "Yeah, he just needed some details regarding her medical history." He said it with such finality that I let it go continuing to listen to Dr. Whitaker.

Angela and Ben looked at me with wonder in their eyes. I shrugged and then we picked up where we left off regarding starting colleges.

A little bit later Angela said, "We've got to go. Thanks, Edward for letting us know that she was here. I hope she gets better soon."

"We all do."

"I'll ask my dad to add her to the prayer list," offered Angela.

"That's very thoughtful of you, Angela, thank you."

"No problem. If you need _anything_ , Edward, ask. See you around," she replied as they walked out of the door.

Charlie began to have thoughts about when Bella was little and Renée was still around. I smelled the salt that brought tears and thought perhaps I should give him a moment. It would probably be good to feign eating.

"I'm going to head to the cafeteria," I told Charlie. "Would you like me to pick you up anything while I'm there?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Okay, sir."

I headed to the cafeteria following Dr. Whitaker's thoughts. Mostly his mind dwelt on the job on hand. However, every once in a while, he would wonder to how he could expose my danger to Bella without arousing suspicion to himself. He remembered another time when he had made an accusation for another woman about Bella's age, and he had been made to look like a fool. He didn't want to repeat that again. It was long enough ago, that everyone had nearly forgotten about it, and he was up for a promotion.

Later I would have to talk to Carlisle about Jasper and I following Dr. Whitaker back to his home so we could get a read on him when he was in a more leisurely atmosphere. I had done that type of thing in the past, and anyway it would distract me from being away from Bella. I just didn't want to have to think about what would happen if Dr. Whitaker planned to take more drastic measures.

I bought the most inconspicuous thing in the cafeteria. All going well, Carlisle should be getting to the hospital in a few hours. Hopefully everything would go well with Jacob since the phone conversation with Billy had gone as well as could be expected. Perhaps later this week, or even tomorrow, the members of the pack might show up. We had never gone with an Esme/Rosalie plan before. I hoped it worked.

After an appropriate amount of time I emptied my tray and headed back up to Bella's room. Charlie was back telling Bella stories. Now it was a story of Charlie, Bella, Billy Black, Billy's deceased wife, Sarah I learned from the story, Billy's two older daughters, Rachel and Rebecca, I also learned from the story, and Jacob. Evidently it had something to do with a weekend long camping trip. Charlie told of how Bella, Rachel, and Rebecca were playing together and forcing their antics on Jacob. Charlie chuckled a few times in the story. I stood outside the room not wanting to interrupt.

The steps of the floor nurse were getting nearer so I turned to go inside not wanting her to catch me standing here. He stopped as soon as he heard the door open.

"No MRI yet?" I asked.

"Nope."

I nodded and went back to sitting in my assigned chair. Just as I sat the nurse came in and checked on everything.

"She's next in line for the MRI, so someone should be coming soon."

"Okay," Charlie answered keeping his eyes on Bella.

The nurse patted his shoulder lightly as she went out. I wondered if she knew him in some way. Forks isn't Seattle after all. Most people knew each other at least in passing, not the mention the fact that I would have be surprised if someone didn't know the Sherriff. There was nothing in the nurse's thoughts to give me any indication. She had taken to nearly ignoring that I was there, reminding herself not to look at me in order to concentrate on her job. In another situation it might have been comical.

Charlie just sat next to Bella looking at her remembering different things about her, while I continued to listen in to Dr. Whitaker's thoughts. We were like that when someone came to take Bella to get her MRI.

"I'm going to get coffee." Charlie informed me with some grogginess in his voice.

I nodded. It didn't take Charlie long to get back. It didn't take being a mindreader to know that there was no way Charlie was leaving Bella's side tonight. With Dr. Whitaker looking tightly at me and this being where Carlisle worked I saw no way to return unnoticed not to mention, given Dr Whitaker's thoughts, that my family needed me again tonight. I wanted to growl with frustration, but this wasn't the place to drop my façade.

All the while I followed the thoughts of whomever Bella was with. Most of the staff seemed professional yet indifferent. They were doing their jobs. I hoped Carlisle would get in soon and be able to take a look at the results. Dr. Whitaker seemed like a fine doctor, but no one could compare with Carlisle's centuries of experience.

I tried not to think about what the future held, nor to dwell on the possibility that Bella would wake up and change her mind about us, nor to ruminate about the last time I was in hospital with her, nor Dr. Whitaker's assumptions. I had been trying to be the Edward that my father and mother believed me to be, the Edward that Bella saw and believed me to be– _that_ Edward. As _that_ Edward I was trying to find positive happy thoughts of others in the hospital to listen to.

I didn't enjoy listening to the minds of new parents, since that just reminded me of what I was taking away from Bella. The best thoughts were when people got good news about a treatment or they were told that they well enough to go home, but sorting through all those minds was a strain. Last time Bella was in hospital I just let all the hospital thoughts be background noise, but with listening to Dr. Whitaker and then following who Bella was with mentally I couldn't do that. Not for the first time I wished that I could hear Bella's thoughts.

I missed Bella's and our world. When I was with her all I had to do was look into her eyes and the world was righted and nothing seemed as impossible. She didn't just give me hope, she dulled the noise of the outside world, and I felt as if all the clutter in my head was gone. I was better with her. There was no doubt about that. Yet since the beginning, I have wanted to do what was in her best interests. After Italy and then fighting with her about her relationship with Jacob, I decided that what was in her best interest was for me to support her decisions and attempt to keep her safe as much as possible. For instance, the deer wouldn't have been a problem if she had let me get her the kind of vehicle that I wanted for her to drive in. But she had refused, so she drove the truck even though it wasn't as safe as I would want her vehicle to be. Now we both were suffering–her in her accident and me in having her away from me. It was simply unjust as I am the only one out of the two of us who deserves to suffer.

In the midst of my brooding Carlisle arrived at the hospital. My family's inner voices are very familiar to me. Unless I actively push them aside, their voices automatically come in clearly once they're within my range and none more so than Carlisle.

 _Visit with Blacks went well,_ Carlisle projected to me. _Jacob is healing nicely. Hopefully Bella will have tribal visitors tomorrow. When you get home check with in Alice. I'm going to get settled in, check over Bella's chart, and come up to you._

I wasn't sure about the changes that have happened in Carlisle since Bella arrived. He claimed some culpability regarding Italy claiming that he should have refused my request for the family to walk out of Bella's life, and that Esme had warned him that I was wrong about Bella's strength of connection. Esme claimed that she married Charles out of family obligation, but that she had never gotten over her and Carlisle's meeting when she was sixteen.

I entirely disagreed with their assessment of their culpability. They had no reason to feel guilty. It had been my choice. I was the one that had persuaded them to leave Forks. Since we returned to Forks, Carlisle has been firmer with me, more direct, and in a very fatherly way insisted to the point of requiring that no matter what I would come to him rather than run away. It placed an unspoken limit on how I usually handled things. When he had spoken to me as well as his thoughts were stronger like there was more metal to them. He was still as compassionate, kind, caring, and everything else as usual, but there was an added element. I wasn't sure how I felt about it yet, and I slightly resented the requirement, but a part of me, something I refused to admit, felt calmer with him taking a firmer lead. I was shifting so much so fast that I realised, after Italy, that I needed an anchor point. I needed some things that were solid and this new Carlisle was giving me that.

Things were changing between Carlisle and I along with everything else. He had always been my sire, but after Italy he became my father not just in sentiment, but also in action. Originally I hadn't liked the idea believing that I was too old to need a father in that way. Then there was that fact that I had modelled myself after him for decades and when Bella had brought me closer to being like him I was uncertain if I liked the change. Nevertheless him having that metal in him made it easier for me to accept these changes between us.

I was listening to Carlisle go through his beginning routines when they brought Bella back. The staff person looked at me, and reminded me that visiting hours were almost over. Somehow no one seemed to suggest that to Charlie. Maybe it was because he's the police chief. Maybe it was because he's Bella's dad and no one can bear to tell him to leave his child, even though she will be 19 in a few months. I wasn't sure. Either way I shouldn't push it. I hoped Carlisle showed up soon. Fortunately almost exactly as I thought that, his thoughts had change directions and he was looking at Bella medical chart. I assumed he would head this way soon.

"I need to head away soon, Charlie. I'm just hoping my dad will come by before I leave. You mind if I stay till he gets here?"

He grunted, which I took as a yes. Carlisle thoughts had no concerns about the latest tests. That at least was a good sign. I was hoping Alice's vision of Friday wasn't thwarted in some way. Bella and I sure have worked hard against Alice's visions, but this wasn't going to be one of those. I began to hear Carlisle's familiar gait and his thoughts strengthening in volume as he came nearer. Then there was a knock on the door.

"Come in," Charlie barked.

"Good afternoon, Charlie. How are you doing?" Carlisle asked. _Any problems being here?_

I moved my eyes to the left then the right and then back to the left.

"I'm doing okay, all things considered," he answered gruffly.

"We all can't wait for her to be ready to open her eyes." _Dr. Whitaker talked to Charlie?_

I moved my eyes up, then down, then back up. Charlie's thoughts went on the last medical report from a doctor that he got.

"Met Dr. Whitaker."

"Good. He's an accomplished doctor. Bella's in good hands. I hope you understand that it wasn't my call." _Did Charlie explain?_

I moved my eyes in the affirmative again.

"Uh-huh."

"Well, I just wanted to stop by and see Bella and Edward before he left. Nice to see you Charlie." _Enough to calm Dr. Whitaker's fears?_

I shrugged slowly up and slowly down.

"Dad, will you walk me down? I've got to go anyway."

 _Okay, we can talk about it on the way._ "Not all the way. I've got to see my patients."

"Of course. Bye Charlie. See you tomorrow."

"Thanks again, Carlisle."

"Anytime, Charlie. Anytime. You know Esme and I love your daughter. Anything you need, just let us know."

"Uh-huh," Charlie grunted in response.

"Okay. Evening." _In code and at a human speed. I'm under too much scrutiny right now for a minor confusion to become something more._

"Evening," Charlie muttered back under his breath as we walked out.

Thinking about how to do as Carlisle had requested, since I was used to just talking to my siblings in our fast sub-human tones, was a challenge. At high school codes were unnecessary. No one paid enough attention, well, until Bella that is. If I wanted to do residency, many of the skills that Carlisle had and I lacked would be needed. It was an opportunity to learn instead of getting aggravated I told myself.

"Well, you know that car trouble we were having?"

The side of his lips rose just a little bit.

"The mechanic says that your Mercedes is in top notch and the car here in Forks that we were looking is also fine. He was briefly worried about the one in Florida that we weren't that keen on, but figured that since it's not here just to let that one go. So, his focus had been put on the Volvo and making sure it passes inspection."

 _He doesn't suspect Charlie or I, isn't dwelling on Renée, and is suspicious of you._ There was a chuckle in his tone like he was enjoying this game.

I nodded as if I did that when I walked sometimes. "I was thinking perhaps Jasper and I could see if we could get a second opinion before we make a final assessment of everything."

 _Surveillance at his residence?_ His tone was serious.

I nodded again.

"Yes. That's a good idea. Do you need help finding a second opinion?"

"No, I think we'll be fine."

"Alright, I trust you. I expect to hear all the details tomorrow morning after I get home from my shift."

"Of course, Dad."

"Okay, Edward. I got to go. You can find your way?" then he winked.

"Yes, Dad," I said with exasperation. He was liking this a little too much. "It's not like it's my first time in a hospital."

He grinned. "Just checking. Good luck."

"Have a good shift, Dad. Night."

"Night." Then I went and got in my car shaking my head at how silly my Dad was allowing himself to be at times.

Last year after my first date with Bella I came home and he laughed like I hadn't heard since before Esme. He apologized for it, so I assumed it was due to me falling in love with Bella in some way. Perhaps laughing like that altered him. Perhaps he was more willing to be silly at the hospital. I couldn't really put my finger on it, but there it was.

Driving home I hoped that Alice had seen the decision so I wouldn't be interrupting anything and Jasper would be filled in. Sure enough Jasper was ready and Alice was searching giving us helpful tips. It didn't take long for us to head out the door.

We found the abandoned drive Alice had described and began moving towards Dr. Whitaker's house. There were some trees fairly near to his house that were hidden in the relative darkness of night. Without a nearby streetlight I was certain that no human eyes would see us. We both scaled the tree quickly and found thick branches in which to rest ourselves.

The mental images from Dr. Whitaker were difficult at times. In those instances Jasper would remind me of my duty. _That will only cause more suspicion at this point. Not to mention that Esme and Carlisle would be disappointed._ Each time I would refocus on our task and put my desire for a murderous rampage in the back burner. If Esme's plan for tomorrow didn't work, I was all for one of Jasper's late night sneak attacks. We could probably make it look like he had a heart attack in his sleep or something.

The doctor's daughter's thoughts had been difficult from the beginning. They were in an almost endless loop of how worthless she was and was a burden to her parents. I had attempted to tune her out to the most part, but then in her thoughts were an image of a razor blade. I wondered if this was the same that Alice had seen.

"We might want to get out of here," I warned my brother in our fast sub-human murmur.

He didn't ask questions, but just nodded and jumped out of the tree. I jumped down right after him shadowing him.

The smell of flowing blood filled the air coming from the daughter's bedroom. Our phones began to vibrate in our pockets Jasper's first and then mine–no doubt Alice trying to warn us.

There had been no thought for Jasper, which was why Alice hadn't seen it soon enough to give us warning. She can't see actions based on instinct until the antecedent is present, which is usually too late to stop what happens next. It wasn't like I had gotten much warning either. Jasper had been analyzing things and using his gift to learn more about the family and then there was nothing but the intense burning need for that smell. He was immediately on the move his monster relishing in having human blood again after so long of an abstinence. Thank goodness I am quicker than him. I had bolted after him as soon as he thoughts had altered. I grabbed him right around the waist trapping his arms holding him tight just before he scaled the house to her window. Fortunately, it was dark and there wasn't a street light on that side of the house.

Despite my short lived victory I fully expected to lose my fight against Jasper. Jasper never stayed in my grip for long even when we were playing. He was a fighter much more skilled than I and truthfully slightly stronger. It wouldn't take him long to find a way out of my grasp. Not to mention that I had been attempting to drag him backwards with little success. My only hope was that Alice would send help and all I had to do was hold on a little longer.


	11. Jacob-Ephraim Black's Descendant

Chapter 11: Jacob–Ephraim Black's Descendant

* * *

It was a good morning, as I had woken up in a better condition than yesterday. I could sit up, breathe, and even walk gingerly without pain, not that I'd let it show, of course. I couldn't be a mystical werewolf and a crybaby. I thought about all that I missed out on due to being stuck here injured. It sucked that I couldn't have gone to the big party celebrating our victory. I mean, really, we'd been chasing that red headed leech for over a year now. She was dead. Sure, the vermin got the kill, but Seth got her lanky and the rest of the pack got eight to ten of the bloodsuckers. That was the most that the tribe defenders going back to the very first wolf had ever killed combined. We were heroes.

We did what we were drafted into this stupid mystical war to do, and although we couldn't tell anyone, it didn't change the facts. And I was the big idiot who had to go get himself hurt so that I was home while the rest of the pack celebrated. Not that I was bitter or anything. No, not at all. What did I have to be bitter about? Certainly I wasn't bitter about the fact that I had left where the best fight ended up being giving Seth the kill and the glory. Nor was I bitter that Leah had to go out of her way to prove something. And certainly I was _not_ bitter that I got to have leeches come into my house and fix me up and rank it up while I was confined to a bed. Yup. Everything was peachy.

Without a shadow of a doubt, at the bonfire new stories would have been told. Those new stories would have been formed in a way to be added to our tribe's legends just like our encounter with red-eyed male that nearly got Bella had been. They would make us immortal, in a way, as our deeds would live on. The legends would be told to our children and our children would tell them to their children and on and on. Our glory would be commemorated just like Ephraim Black's glory had been. His glory was neither of a great beginning like the original werewolf, my distant ancestor, nor of an epic battle like ours had been. No, Ephraim Black's, my great grandfather's, story was about how he saved our tribe when he was outnumbered from the bloodsuckers with golden eyes who went about the paleface world by the name of Cullen.

Back then there were three wolves: Ephraim Black, the chief, Levi Uley, the second in command, and Quil Ateara II, the third in command. The story goes that they were on patrol one night when they had come across a scent that stung their nose and prepared their bodies to fight. When they followed the trail it crossed another similarly sickeningly sweet scent and then other and other and other.

With five scents and only three of them splitting up was impossible not to mention strategically suicidal. Unsure of which trail to follow and what they would do if there really were a group of five they drew nearer to the village. They'd never come across five together only singles or pairs and none of the legends spoke of cold ones travelling in groups greater than two. Additionally, the trails only told them that these enemies had travelled through their lands around a similar time frame. With such a high number in the vicinity they agreed to tighten the area they patrolled, to stay closer to the village, and to discuss what they had found with the council.

The next day a council was called and Ephraim explained the danger. Other than when there were pairs, the legends painted cold ones as creatures ruled solely by their desire for blood unable to form working groups as their demonic nature would cause in-group fighting. Five working together had severe consequences, especially as there had only ever been three protectors at one time. The council was worried. What could this mean? Had the legends been incomplete? If there were a group of five, could three wolves protect the village? No one could say. Certainly if the three wolves failed the village would most assuredly fall, as none of the wolves' children were yet old enough to be protectors, and the Quileutes would cease to be. Of that fact there was no doubt. Their hope rested with their legends and the knowledge they contained, but Ephraim refused to rule out the possibility even when the council and his fellow pack members insisted that the legends made five travelling together an impossibility.

Measures were agreed upon and put into place: decreasing the area to patrol, the protectors maintaining their wolf form unless another meeting was requested, and for the three to always be together. Yet if the wolves and the council knew their chances were slim. Weeks passed and there were no new trails. The wolves began to hope that perhaps the cold ones had moved on and the Quileutes would be safe once more.

Then one night the worst possibility imaginable happened. They came across the five scents moving as a group. The confirmation that there were indeed five cold ones travelling together filled them with trepidation like they had never experienced before. They knew that the chances of them living through the night were slim. Ephraim ordered the pack to stealthily follow the trails and that if the trails diverged they would together follow whichever had the smallest number. In this way the pack would divide and conquer. It was a great plan, even a brilliant plan. As they travelled stealthily through the forest the scents grew stronger. They were drawing nearer to the cold ones and soon would surpass them. So, Ephraim ordered them to go round and move between the direction of the trails and the village. If the five were not to separate and the protectors would die, then it would be in defence of their tribe. They had been chosen for this sacred duty and this was what their bodies had been made to do.

Just as Ephraim predicted, the cold ones came into view drawing towards the village. The pack stood between the enemy and their tribe. As soon as the cold ones saw that their way was thwarted they stopped and crouched in the pose that the pack knew meant that they were preparing to attack. Ephraim had order that they wait until one of the cold ones attacked first giving the pack a slight advantage. The pack stood proud, barred their teeth, and prepared for death. To the shock of the pack one of them stood up as if he were a man and not a demon and put his hands up at his sides palms out as if surrendering.

This demon spoke calmly, softly, gently, and with an accent different from the palefaces nearby, but still in English. As this one, the leader Ephraim believed, changed posture the others followed suit. They neither ran nor attacked, but straightened up and moved closer together as if protecting one other. Certainly the group had larger numbers. Ephraim knew that their movements were tactfully unwise. Their behaviours were outside the tribe's knowledge. He also noticed something odd about these five. They wore clean modern clothes similar to palefaces and had golden specs in their eyes rather than red. Ephraim being curious and wise wondered why these demons acted in ways contrary to the legends. Perhaps this was a type of demon the tribe had yet to encounter and therefore the legends did not speak about?

Levi and Quil did not speak as much English as Ephraim and were unsure what they should do. Ephraim said that as long as these demons were not attacking, the pack could listen to what they had to say. There was no harm in listening. Perhaps, merely the sight of the pack would scare them to hunt elsewhere. It was a longshot. Levi and Quil argued that you couldn't trust anything a demon said. Ephraim agreed, but repeated his ordered not to attack unless the demons made the first move. In this way Ephraim listened as a wolf to the paleface words used by the enemy.

The yellow-eyed cold one that spoke talked about wanting peace, of living in peace, of not harming humans, and apologised for coming onto the pack's land feigning ignorance. He spoke of living by the blood of animals, of being different than his own kind, and he called his group his family. He introduced one of the females as his wife and the others as his children. He said they were the Cullens and his name was Carlisle. If it was a lie, it was the strangest lie Ephraim could have imagined. One thing was for sure. These cold ones behaved like no other cold one the tribe had ever encountered before.

Commanding Levi and Quil to stay in wolf form in order to guard their tribe, Ephraim went and shifted into human form knowing no other way than to persuade the five to leave. Better to risk his life than to have the tribe massacred. He came and stood between his wolf brothers. In courage unseen before or since he risked his life, his brother's lives, and the tribe's lives and spoke to this cold one as if it were a man. After much discussion a treaty was agreed. The Cullens agreed to never harm a human and to never venture into Quileute or other surrounding tribal lands.

In exchange Ephraim agreed that the tribe would not expose the Cullens true nature to the palefaces. In this way Ephraim bought time for the tribe until their children would be of age and there could be more wolves to defend the tribe. But before that happened the Cullens moved. Never once did the Cullens break the treaty. We will not go back on word of our ancestor, but be warned and remember because although we will pass onto the next life, they will not, and one day they might return.

And what would be the story of Ephraim Black's descendant? That he was so worried about saving a girl that he got hurt? Bella or Leah it was almost interchangeable in the telling. In Jacob Black's story there was no one on one fight like Seth's or how the girl would have died without the hero's intervention. Seth and the vermin saved Bella, and Leah insisted that she hadn't needed saving in Jacob Black's story. So instead, the stories would speak about what an idiot Jacob Black was. It would be a story to warn new werewolves. Ephraim Black's story told of honour and wisdom. Jacob Black's story would tell about the kind of werewolf not to be. For at the end of the day Leah hadn't gotten hurt at all and Bella was in hospital because of a deer. I wasn't yet sure what was worse–that Bella was in hospital at all or that she wouldn't of been on that road if I hadn't gotten hurt. Officially my life sucked. Some descendant of Ephraim Black that I turned out to be!

If my failings as a wolf and Black were not enough, I was going crazy cooped up in my house. The biggest problem was that I'm not really an indoor guy. We neither owned a television nor a gaming system. I bet the bloodsuckers with their ridiculous sums of money had a state-of-the-art entertainment system. We protected humans and they got the nice toys. Life just wasn't fair. Usually the unfairness of it all didn't get to me because I spent my time out in my garage tinkering with an engine or something else. Otherwise I was running around as a wolf, or hanging out with the pack. We might not have the fanciest toys, but we had friendship and belonging and honour and a life. So, all in all, I figured we got the better deal generally. It was just really hard to keep that in mind as I tried to imagine anything worse than sitting around doing nothing. Yet, here I was doing exactly nothing. I might just go out of my mind.

Maybe my dad could feel my restlessness and made some phone calls while I was sleeping. Maybe my friends just know me really well. I really didn't care. Quil showed up shortly after breakfast and a torturous horrible day began looking up. Quil talks a lot, but given that I was supposed to be recovering I didn't mind. He talked about the guys. Everyone had been pumped up after the fight. Quil detailed for me the large bonfire the pack had, while I'd been knocked out, celebrating our success, what everyone did, what everyone said, all their antics, the food they ate, the drumming, and the stories told.

I was surprised to find that it wasn't so bad to hear the stories created. Seth's battle would certainly be made into something to be passed down, and the pack fighting the large group of cold ones would be as well. But the pack fighting newborns story was of teamwork. It talked about working together, protecting each other's backs, and together taking down the largest number the tribe has ever seen in one place.

My failures were not told. Although I didn't get a great battle story like Seth, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Anyway, Seth's story had the vermin in it. Now our stories told of how one of us, assisted by a bloodsucker with golden eyes, brought down the leader and second-in-command of this vampire army. I bet it bothered more than just me how a bloodsucker, especially the vermin, got a role in one of our hero stories. But there was no way to tell Seth's heroics without the damn vermin. I wondered if haunting was possible for a leech because it certainly felt like it. Quil saw my hesitancy to hear Seth's story, so watched me carefully as he told it, and obviously skipped over large chucks.

Despite my dislike of how that story was told, I wished that I could have been at the bonfire. It made me feel better that apart from Seth's fight alongside the vermin Quil claimed that they talked about me trying to aid Leah the most. At least my injuries earned me some props. Leah was once again in trouble, but what was new? I hated to admit it, but I missed the pack. They annoyed me at times like any brothers would, but I hadn't gone this long without being a part of the pack mind since my first shift. It felt kind of weird to have my head all to my lonesome.

Having Quil hang out with me was like still having a piece of the pack. Quil is naturally a jokester. It was easy to remember who I used to be before I was a wolf with him. I could remember how much I used to be like Seth, naturally good-tempered. I could remember what good times Quil and I or sometime Quil, Emery, and I shared. Quil was glad to make the pack just so we could hang out together again. He's a good friend.

Somewhere in our time together I got the nerve to ask him about Bella.

"You going to go see her in the hospital?"

"Not sure." He paused considering it. "Maybe?"

"Well, if you can, I'd appreciate it since I can't. Be there on my behalf and everything you know."

" _They'll_ be there. Edward at least."

"Yeah," I answered darkly, "Edward at least. But here's the thing, right. If you're there Bella's safer. They can't do anything in a hospital."

"True that."

"Just tell the guys to behave themselves if you and they go. We can't blow our secret by growling at them or something worse."

He started chuckling. "No, I reckon that wouldn't go over well with the elders."

I smiled broadly imagining it. "You're a smart guy, Quil."

"Can't promise anything, but I'll see what I can do. And I'll make sure to remind everyone to be cool."

"You're the best."

He punched me in the arm. "Don't you know it."

We both chuckled and he went back to telling me stuff that happened at the bonfire. I was finally relaxed enough that I wanted to have him tell me a blow-by-blow of what happened between Seth and the second-in-charge vampire, when I saw the time.

"Hey, Quil. You're welcome to stick around, but fair warning the bloodsucking doctor is supposed to be here soon for my daily examine."

"Doesn't he already know that a few broken bones can't get us down?"

"Yeah, well Sam forbade me to shift until the Doc gives the all clear."

Just about then we heard the purr of the Mercedes engine.

"That sure is a nice car."

"Well, being a rich bloodsucker does have perks." A huge grin spread across my face.

"What do you think, bro? You willing to become one of them if you could have their pick of cars?"

I looked pensive and took some long deep breaths like I was really considering it. After a few minutes I retorted, "Nah. Not worth giving up burgers for."

"Yeah. Having a burger is far superior to owning a Lamborghini." Now Quil had a huge grin on his face.

The Mercedes pulled up to our house and the engine cut off. We listened as the door closed and movement could be heard. The way that the Doc walked was so weird. It wasn't human, but it wasn't the silent movement of the bloodsuckers we fought just days ago. The gait was nearly human, but not human enough. If the red-eyed vampires we slaughtered were the standard, then he didn't sound like that either. Neither was it something in between. It was other. Ephraim had been right–they were a different kind of demon.

Its very otherness unnerved me. It reminded me that the creature coming to check on me was neither those that we protected nor those that we killed. Where did that place him and by extension the rest of the Cullens? Certainly they were bloodsuckers, animal bloodsuckers perhaps, but still. Yet, we had just fought beside them and the treaty rules had been bent to allow Doc to visit me. I didn't like it. I wished the Cullens and their otherness would just disappear. Instead there was a knock on the door.

"I'd better head out, Jake."

"Oh, come on, you're leaving at the good stuff."

"I know, I know, but I want to try to make it home before my mom. Tomorrow man?"

"Tomorrow." As Dad opened the door to let Doc in, Quil walked out.

"Be good to your mom," Dad yelled as Quil shifted into his wolf form.

"How's my patient?" Carlisle asked in a voice that was like his gait–a poor imitation of human.

"Still kickin' it."

He had an odd look on his face, perhaps something between confusion and amusement. "Well, that's good. I was going to do another full exam again." He looked at Billy. "That okay?"

"Yeah," he told the doc.

"Okay, Jacob?"

"Sure, sure. Get it over with."

"Lay down please."

I did as requested and the Doc did his exam. He did it at human speed. Why? He could have done it at his speed. I'd seen him move that fast on the battlefield. I knew he was capable of it and it wasn't like it was a secret here. He seemed to work so hard at being something he wasn't. Why? I didn't get it.

He finished my examine and looked at Billy.

"His recovery is looking good. I would say it's nearly healed and won't be surprised that he's in tip-top shape by this time tomorrow afternoon. Would you oblige me for one more visit? When I come I'll bring the cast for your inspection, if that works for you."

"I'll say yes for now, but if that changes, I'll give you a call."

"Sounds good. Thank you." He turned to me. "You looked like you had a question for me, Jacob. Want to ask it?"

I sat there and thought if I wanted to know the answer to my question. The vermin sure couldn't be trusted to be honest about things like this.

"Well, Doc, I was wondering why you do things at a human pace here when you don't have to?"

He looked at me, then at Billy, I'd guess to gauge things. He probably didn't want to say anything that would mess up the treaty. It was annoying how much faster they thought. He probably went through everything he could say and made a decision, but his pause would barely noticeable to my dad. How incredibly irritating.

"A number of reasons. One, I was trained on how to do the exam I administered at the rate that I just did it, so for me, the motion and training are tied. Two, just because something is faster, doesn't necessarily mean it's better. Going at a human pace allows me to take the time to check physically and go through mentally each area before I go on to the next one. Three, even though you know I can go faster, I want to put you at ease. And lastly, it might seem strange to you, but I do try and behave in a human manner whenever possible."

"Even at home?" I had to know.

"Yes, mostly, even at home. Of course, sometimes the going ons in our home make it the place where that is the least possible, since my family are there as well."

I sat perplexed. I wasn't sure what I thought about all that. I could see why Ephraim Black took the risk on Doc. Now after meeting Laurent and the ones we just killed, I could say that Doc was different. I couldn't even put my finger on it, but he was. If it weren't for his unnatural skin and revoltingly sweet scent, I could almost imagine him human. It was weird and I didn't like it. Why couldn't he just be like the other ones? Then my life wouldn't be so complicated and my house wouldn't stink.

He watched studying me to see if my question was answered. After a few moments he turned to my dad.

"What about medication?"

"He said that he was better, but I still used one vial when he was ready to sleep."

"Okay. Keep the other in case you need it tonight. If not, then I'll take it off your hands tomorrow."

"Sure."

"I think that's all. It's been a pleasure. I haven't had the honour of doing a house call before you, Jacob, in many years."

"Thanks for stopping by. I'll give you a call if tomorrow doesn't work."

"Sounds good. Keep getting well Jacob. See you tomorrow about the same time." Then he patted me on the shoulder lightly twice as if he forgot that I wasn't his usual human patient. His hand was frigged. I held my body in place so I didn't flinch. After all, that just seemed rude and I didn't want to upset my Dad. If it was one thing he couldn't stand, it was being rude.

Then doc walked towards the door and my father led him out. Soon he left with his odd gait, opened the car door, started the engine, and sped away.

"I'm going to call Sam, then make some food."

"Sounds good, Dad," I answered. "You know me. I'm starving."

"Yeah, yeah."

He went to the phone and called. Sam picked up.

"Just want to let you know that Dr. Cullen just left."

"What's the verdict?"

"Dr. Cullen said that he's healing well and that he expects him to be in the all clear by tomorrow."

"That's good news."

"He's requested one more visit. He's also going to bring a cast that he's designed for Jake so that Jake can leave the house and not raise suspicions."

"I see."

"Any objections?"

"No objections." After a pause he added, "Last one?"

"Sounds like it, Sam."

"Okay. As long it's the same time window."

"Sounds like it."

"Fine."

"Thanks, Sam. Give my best to Emily."

"Will do." There was a moment's pause. "Billy?"

"Yeah?"

"You going to visit Bella?"

"Maybe Wednesday if Jake gets the all clear."

"Makes sense. Emily would like to go by and say hi. We might go tomorrow, but we haven't decided. If you need a ride or anything else, let me know. The pack protects its own."

"Thanks Sam. If you do go, will you let me know how Bella is?"

"Yup."

"Thanks."

"Sure, Billy."

One more day. One more day and I would be healed. One more day and I could leave my house. One more day and I could visit Bella. It simultaneously seemed like liberation and a jail sentence.

"Feel up to helping me in the kitchen?"

"Yeah. I could do a bit."

And with that I followed my father into kitchen.


	12. Bella–Trapped

Chapter 12: Bella–Trapped

* * *

This is my room in Phoenix in my mother's house. It's a medium sized room filled with clothes, a computer, my CD player, CDs, and books. The books reside on a shelf, one of which is the collected works of Jane Austen. Without thought my motions take me to the shelf and removing the book from its home. As it sits in my hand, a memory surfaces of a familiar action and what goes next. Going to the bathroom there is a towel perfect for this kind of occasion. Then in a pattern that is familiar my feet bring me to the porch where there's a lounge chair that sits in the shade, my arms spread out the towel over the chair, and my body settles itself into a memorable position as the book opens and the words come tumbling out.

My brain tells me that the temperature should be warm. The sun is out and it is Phoenix. Yet, the air doesn't contain the warmth expected of a desert. Oddly enough, the temperature reminds me of the cave so much so that if my eyes were closed there would be little to distinguish it from the cave. How my body left the cave instantaneously, as if disappearing acts were reality, and instead of stone walls and water there is a desert is a complete mystery. The space disorientation reminds me of what my mind imagined si-fi transportation would be like. One moment a person's body is in one location, in my case a cave, the next moment in a different location, like my room in Phoenix. Going back seems as equally as impossible to decipher as how spontaneous transportation might work in the first place.

Taking some time to ponder the similarities and differences between the cave and the desert gives me a cautious feeling like things are not as they seem. Other than the temperature, the significant similarity is the pain in my chest that the musical voice gave me when it left. My body naturally folds into itself dreading the possibility that no matter where my body goes or what actions are taken the sense of a crushing weight on my chest combined with a sensation of pain burning a hole inside of me will never leave me. Apart from the pain, what is most evident is the fear that the voice will never return, and this pain will be my constant companion forever. The fact that my body craves the very thing that gave me the pain seems unhealthy in some way, but no solution to this dilemma comes to me and like any pain the only reaction is to end the pain by whatever means necessary.

The book in my hands has an almost there, but not quite feeling. Since that feeling makes no sense, a distraction seems in order, and reading seems like the appropriate thing to do next, my eyes burry themselves into the pages, but doing so doesn't help with the pain. Nevertheless, it is a diversion of sorts. Something within me shies away from the concept of distractions as if that fuels the pain, so my mind attempts to form other words to describe what is needed in this moment. Not far into the first story there is a character called Edmund. A sense of familiarity fills me as if Edmund should be my friend or at least acquaintance, as if he should mean something to me, yet at the same time my brain tells me that there's something not quite right. The feelings surrounding these events of an almost, but not quite are still with me. Whatever it is that creates the sensation also feels just out of my grasp.

After a while my eyes leave my book and watch the landscape change. Shapes and shadows move as the sun begins its decent towards the horizon. The desert heat is not surrounding me and embracing me as it usually would. There is no sensation of being warmed from the inside out. It's not cold, but it's strange nonetheless. In the midst of my attempts to figure it out my mother opens the sliding glass door behind me to my right.

"There you are Bella. How was your day?" she asks warmly but distractedly.

"Good, Mom. I spent most of it reading. How was yours?" I answer in a rote fashion as if the words are not mine.

"Decent, I suppose." She looks away.

She has that far away look that she gets before she tells me one of her crazy hair brain schemes. Maybe this time it'll be something more realistic. Art was good. It wasn't half bad when she took art classes. Sitting and waiting for her, there is no doubt that she'll tell me eventually. She always does. Sitting indulgently waiting, my eyes stay steadily on her. She looks back at me with a guilty expression. Oh great. What did she do this time?

"Phil asked me to marry him and I said yes," she exclaims awkwardly.

"Congratulations, Mom," I say attempting genuine excitement in my voice.

For added measure I jump up and throw my arms around her.

"Thanks, Bella." She gulps nervously.

Was she afraid of my reaction? It's not like my mother to be afraid. She's one of the most courageous people I know.

Pulling back I can't help but wonder, "Mom, I'm real excited for you that you found someone. I just thought you two were going to take it slow."

She has a look in her eye that I've never seen before, something between a love-sick puppy dog, excitement, and terror. "Me too, but then today in the middle of the game," a huge smile begins to spread across her face, "the announcer says, 'Is there a Renée dating Phil Dreyer in the audience?' So, of course, I stand up and say, 'Right here.' Then Phil comes over, cause I'm in the front row, of course, near his dug out, and says, 'Babe, I love you. Would you like to get married?' And I was flabbergasted. For a while I just stood there with my mouth open. Then Phil was like, 'Babe? Babe? You okay?' Then I said, 'Yes!'" Her eyes come back from the memory and focus on me.

"Bells, I know that I said I had written off the whole institution of marriage. I know that I said that I would never go down that road again, but he just looked so cute standing there and everyone was waiting for me and I didn't want to embarrass him and I really do love him. So I said yes. And I really am exited about it." The last sentence sounded like she was attempting to convince herself more than me. Then she stopped and looked at me.

"I'm really happy that you're happy, mom," I tell her while unable to shake a sense of déjà vu.

"I am. He's a really good guy. He treats me well, and you're going to be gone soon. You're going into your junior year in September after all."

The part of me that mothers my mom wants to tell her that she barely knows him. But she is always like this. This is the Renée that I love and drives me crazy. Each new thing in her life she's 110% into until she isn't. But she's right about me growing up. The most at this point that can be hoped for is that Phil doesn't get too hurt along the way.

"I'm glad, mom," I tell her genuinely.

My arms wrap around her hugging her so she can stop looking at my face while I rearrange my features into what she needs to see from me.

When we part she looks worried and expectant.

My love for her is such that her happiness is important to me. It is as simple as putting her needs before my own.

"Hungry?" I ask changing the conversation topic, "I was just about to start dinner when you got home."

Good thing she's so easily distracted.

"Actually, Bella … Phil wanted to celebrate and take us out to dinner," she tells me hesitantly. "He's going to be here in about 10 minutes. How about Dim Sum?" By the time she says Dim Sum she's excited again.

Not cooking sounds good to me, so agreeing took no effort on my part. "Sure, Mom. Let me go change."

Her face fell probably from my lack of enthusiasm. She's always disappointed when I'm not on the same page emotionally as her.

Grabbing my book and towel my feet carry me inside where the towel is returned to the bathroom and once my bedroom door is closed it becomes my haven. The book is returned to its shelf, but then the horrible job of examining my clothes needs to be attended to. Something slightly dressier would seem appropriate. These basic simple actions give me the chance to have an excuse to have some space so my thoughts can be calmed. Hopefully, my mom will see my attempt to dress up for the occasion and know that her happiness is important to me. "I am happy for her" is repeated over and over again in my head. This news changes everything. This isn't an art class.

A brush is in the midst of my hair when Phil knocks on the front door. He's all right, too young to be a stepfather, but not a bad match for Renée. Through my door there is a muffled enthusiastic reunion and perhaps even Phil asking how I took it.

My mother says something like, "If I'm happy, then she's happy."

The voices aren't very clear, but muffled or distorted like the tunnel or cave, merely too far away to be made out clearly.

Minutes later exiting my room, my mom compliments me. "You look nice, Bella."

She has a genuine smile on her face telling me that me supporting this is important to her.

She turns to Phil. "Phil, I was thinking that Din Sum place on Warner Rd."

"Yeah, sure, babe. Sounds good."

So the three of us pile into Phil's car and he drives us to the restaurant. It's once we're seated that I begin to notice that Phil is being weird. He's shifting in his seat like he's got ants in his pant. He's even sweating a little. When we're finished with the meal Phil turns to me.

"I know today probably came as quite the shocker. I just wanted to say that Renée is the best they come. She makes me happy and that's enough for me."

Then he brings out a black velvet box and hands it to Renée.

"I know you already said yes out on the field, but I figured you'd need something to make it official."

She opens the box and sitting within is a small ring. My mom looks as pleased as punch and is just glowing.

"You didn't have to Phil."

"Yeah." He looks embarrassed, but pleased.

"Well, you going to put it on me or what?" she finally utters after a few seconds of silence.

Then Phil smiles, takes the ring out of its box, and puts it on my mom's finger. Suddenly her expression changes. She's trying to hide it under her smile, but there in her eyes and corner of her mouth are the signs of terror.

In that moment there is no doubt what Renée will do. She'll do the exact thing she does whenever something terrifies her: she'll run towards it. This is the moment when there is no longer any consideration left; my life will changes. Renée will no longer be solely my responsibility. In my head this is a good thing. She is right; college isn't too far off. Renée's house can't be home forever.

Then this strange feeling over takes me, like an out-of-body experience or the sensation of a vacuum sucking me somewhere else. Without warning my vantage point is from the ceiling and it is obvious that Phil has replaced my role in Renée's life. It is a strange sensation to be above Renée while I watch her sit there deciding if she will fling herself into this new project: a relationship with Phil.

In Phoenix with Renée is not my home anymore. It's time to move on. The motion that took me out of my seat in the restaurant pulls me as if I was flying like a ghost further and further away. Hopefully this is a prelude to death, as death might get me into heaven in order to be near the musical angel. The restaurant becomes like a fog until it is as if it were never truly there at all.

If death is a big warehouse store that has wall-to-wall TVs then the universe has a perverse sense of humour. The more likely and fortunate answer would be that this is a new location after being transported. Exploring these surroundings with my eyes reveals that apart from the vast wall of televisions are empty spaces with white walls and ugly bright halogen lights. Given that the televisions are the main feature of this place my eyes studied the TV wall with great scrutiny. Each TV is different and each set on a different channel. Moving closer the details on the screen can be more clearly seen. On one TV there's a girl fishing with her dad. On another there's a father and his daughter camping with another family. On a third there's a mother with her little girl making pottery. Each TV containing different images, most of them have a girl in them at all different ages. Oddly, all the TVs are muted.

I yell out, "Can I get some help here?"

But no one comes.

No one seems to be in the store but me. Wandering around trying to find someone always brings me back at the TVs. Fear paralyses me, as there seems to be no exit. The desire to leave increases and my body finds the will to run attempting desperately to find a way to leave, but all the doors are locked. With all my might focused on one door and with a herculean effort struggling against its force the door finally opens only to end back at the TVs watching muted scenes like a horrible B-rated horror film.

Perhaps if the TVs were unmuted there might be some way to learn how to escape. After searching and searching and searching some more for a remote, not one could be found. It seems to be a hopeless search. Another idea comes to mind. There are buttons on the TV, pressing them should increase the volume, but once they're depressed nothing happens. The same happens on another TV. Nothing. Over and over buttons are pressed with no results. It's possible that one could have been missed one in my haphazard motions, so instead one by one the buttons are pressed methodically starting on the lower left corner of the wall. One by one TV buttons are pressed to the top right corner of the wall. There are no more and not one utter of sound could be heard apart that which is coming from myself.

"Help! Please! Someone help me!" I try instead.

No one answers. The sound just reverberates against the walls over and over again. Trapped, unable to find my way out, fear fills me. I need my angel, but have no idea how to let him know how to find me. After sitting for a while the pain of when my angel left resurfaces and the thought cannot leave me: perhaps I am on my own; there is no saviour coming to rescue me. This thought certainly matched the statement made by my angel begging me to come back to him. Perhaps that was what he meant–he can only call me and guide me. Whether these new thoughts are true or not the reality remains that I either find a way out or stay trapped in here. Determination wells up in me. Angel or not this prison is not going to be my home for the rest of eternity. Decision made; I focus on how to get myself out.

* * *

 _A/N: We now conclude the third round of povs. Hopefully this chapter, although still somewhat abstract, with it being slightly more straightforward than the last Bella chapter is clearer on what is happening to Bella. As always, if not, please SM me or leave a review and I will clarify things and then modify the chapter so that hopefully others won't have the same confusions._

 _I can never say enough how grateful I am for you reading my story and leaving me your thoughts. And back to Alice ..._


	13. Alice–What Lay Before Me

Chapter 13: Alice–What Lay Before Me

* * *

Once Edward and Jasper left for surveillance, I went and found Rosalie and Emmett working on Carlisle's cast project.

"How's the fake cast going?" I asked to be polite.

"Getting closer," Rosalie answered tersely.

Emmett came towards me with the latest version. This one had obviously been too brittle.

"It would make it easier if we could have the dog here, make the plaster, then cut it off him, but Carlisle said no," Emmett said glumly.

"Yeah. That would make it easier," I agreed lightly.

The corner of Rosalie's mouth went up for smallest fraction of a second. Then she went back to concentrating on what she had been doing.

"Don't worry Em," I consoled him while patting him on the shoulder. "No one thinks that you would accidentally damage the dog. Knowing Carlisle he probably has the mutt on bed rest or something like that." That image made me chuckle.

It must have also amused them because they chuckled with me.

"That boy needs to be taught a lesson or two." Emmett looked serious. "Especially after kissing Bella. Man! I would have torn that boy limb to limb not go to his house and help Carlisle heal him. I don't know how our Eddie does it." The growl that was building in his chest dissipated with a shake of his head. He turned to Rosalie, "Why are we helping, babe?"

"I don't know how he does it either," I admitted softly.

Rosalie and I shared a look while she told Emmett, "We're not doing it for the dog. We're doing for Carlisle. You know how he is about something new. Anyway it's a good distraction from the cars."

"I just wish helping Carlisle didn't mean helping the mutt," Emmett muttered.

"Don't suppose you saw if we get a prototype to work or not?" Rosalie asked me wanting to change the topic.

I doubted she liked Jacob very much either, but then she didn't like anything that tried to force a female to do what they wanted against their will, which explained many of the fights between Rosalie and Edward since we had returned to Forks. They were always the same. Rosalie telling Edward to stop being so controlling over Bella, Edward claiming Rosalie didn't even like Bella so why did she care, and Rosalie usually storming out. Esme and Carlisle, in different ways, had gotten to Edward, and he stopped having me have her over at the house when he left out of town. Esme, Carlisle, and even Rosalie had some points, but they hadn't seen how many times Bella had almost died like Edward and I. Sure he could have gotten about it a different way, though.

"No," I answered pouting. "I still can't see anything having to do with the pack."

"Yeah, figured."

"Must suck to be defective," Emmett teased.

"Yup totally upset that I can't watch their lives. You're right about that," I deadpanned.

Emmett raised an eyebrow at me and then laughed. "Guess you're right. No one would want to see that."

I smiled back at him. Standing there for a few minutes I watched them work together. Rosalie did most of the engineering, while Emmett did most of the material manipulation. They were a good team.

"Well, I came to let you know, just in case you didn't catch it, that Edward and Jasper went to do some reconnaissance on Dr. Whitaker. They should be home later tonight if you're interested in what they have to report."

"Okay. Thanks for letting us know," Rosalie told me.

Emmett nodded, but said nothing obviously concentrating on whatever he was trying to do in the moment.

"No problem."

Going back to the house I needed a distraction from spending the whole time watching Edward and Jazz. First, surveillance was dull work without their gifts. Getting the report would be far better. Second, I hadn't needed to keep a close eye on Jasper all year since he had, according to our cover story, already graduated high school, and therefore humans weren't at risk daily. It had improved things between us, and I didn't want to lose what we had gained. Jazz didn't mind me using my gift to watch him, but it did ruin him telling me stories because I ended up not having the spontaneous emotional response that would have existed otherwise. So instead I worked on some of the wedding planning things that still needed to get done. Although the wedding wasn't as sure of a thing as it had been before Bella's accident, getting as much prep work done as possible seemed sensible.

I sat down at the computer to answer emails and to search for different flower options, but began thinking about Bella's dress and its design. Even though the picture of the end result was clear in my head, it had been helpful to draw the final design and then each of the underlying pieces as to see how they might be crafted together. That led me to a great idea! Perhaps I could do something similar for my puzzle. Checking on the surveillance activities to see what kind of time schedule might be possible I texted Jasper.

Working on some shelves, please let me know when you're heading home.

Going to our room I took out a piece of sketching paper and begun drawing each of the scenes from the first vision as they had come to me then those in the second vision starting with Bella waking up moving towards the rewind parts. When as much as possible was on paper I placed all the drawings out on the bed in chronological order starting from Bella waking up and moving backwards. It reminded me of a college class where we had made a film board. It was a very condensed specific progression of events. Seeing it in this way made me think about what wasn't in the images.

There wasn't Bella saying yes to getting married. There wasn't the plane ride back from Italy. There wasn't even one night of Edward at Bella's house. Although each of them portrayed scenes from injuries sustained by Bella or Bella healing from such injuries, they were only in direct relation to Edward. There wasn't her hitting Jacob for kissing her, Bella jumping off the cliff, her attack in Port Angeles, or even Bella cutting herself during the battle. They only were car accidents or near killings by vampires. Why those moments? What about those moments were so important?

The oldest one–Edward's first day in Biology with Bella–was when Bella first really caught Edward's attention as something more than an inconsequential human. This was her first near killing by a vampire.

The next one–Edward saving Bella from a van–began his realization that there was something more about this girl than just her scent. That morning, after Bella and Edward had left in an ambulance, was also when the first vision that had come to me of Bella with the bright red eyes of a newborn running beside me.

The next one–Edward saving Bella after James' attack–showed Edward how strong he was and his ability to resist her blood even though he craved it. It also brought all of us together in defence of Bella. It demonstrated our commitment to her being a part of our family and his choice not to allow her to go through the change. It was also Bella's second near-death experience at the hand of a vampire.

A possible path of enquiry was if Edward responded differently to a vampire other than himself trying to kill Bella. Jazz might have that answer.

The next one–Bella recovering from James' attack–was unclear as to its significance. After standing there studying it, memories, and what my vision had shown me nothing stood out. Sure Bella had freaked out with the possibility that Edward might leave her and he made a stupid promise to stay as long as it was in her best interests, but that didn't seem to match the other ones so far.

The next one–Bella's eighteenth birthday party and Jasper lunging at her–was Bella's third attack by a vampire. This was the catalyst that resulted in us leaving Forks, Edward being miserable, Bella doing extreme sports, and then Edward going to Italy to ask the Volturi to end his life. Then Bella and I rushing there, saving him, and bringing him back.

The next one–Bella's most recent car accident–had landed her in hospital again.

I had placed the next set in sequential order despite them coming to me in rewind. After spending the time attempting to slow the vision down, what lay before me was my best guesses. The closer to the accident the more uncertain that the image before me was what had been given to me in the vision.

The next one–Edward driving, me as a passenger, and Carlisle working on Bella in the back seat–was possibly the moment when Edward decided to keep her human yet again.

The next one–Charlie sitting next to Bella's bed in the hospital with Edward in the corner of the room–was puzzling to me as to its possible importance.

The next one–a few of the pack members and their families with some of us Cullens together in Bella's hospital so packed together that not every face was identifiable–was shocking since usually the wolves block out my visions. Their presence was disconcerting.

The next one–Jacob next to Bella in the hospital while Charlie and Billy sat nearby and Edward was in the corner again–was even more shocking both in the placement of the individuals in the room and that it showed Jacob.

The next one–Edward next to Bella's bed while she was asleep in the hospital–might have to do with something Edward will say or decide. This was full of elements unclear to me.

The next one–Bella waking up and meeting eyes with Edward–might be like the one in the Phoenix hospital at first glance innocuous, but decision wise critical.

Then it hit me! All of the events up to the recent car accident were catalysts for Edward. Each had inexplicably led Edward to today. The strength of his bloodlust had grabbed him and had shook him out of his self-imposed cell without it he might have never paid as much attention to Bella. Without saving her in the accident, he might never had defended her to the family and realized that he felt more towards her than bloodlust. Without James' attack, he might never have seen for himself his capacity for self-control around her and his own strength to resist not just her scent, but her actual blood.

If at the hospital he swore to himself never again would she get hurt by being in his life, then her eighteen birthday was exactly what he needed to testing his resolve. By leaving he showed that he loved her more than himself and her safety was more important to him than his happiness. These would have all brought them to what happened over the weekend–him agreeing to change her and she agreeing to get married. These images were fate's pushes. They had shoved Edward into changing and becoming new.

Although appreciative of these pushes, many of these things could have been avoided if only Edward had been willing to trust in my visions. Bella could have been turned with the van incident or even from James' attack. So much unnecessary suffering could have been avoided. Not to mention exposure of our family to the Volturi. Were these next set of images the universe's way of aiding me in my efforts to help Edward avoid some new drastic action? Was the original vision given to me in the way that it had in order to tell me that Edward should have changed her on the way to the hospital? As it stood, nothing seemed clear.

Perhaps Jazz had been right all this time. Maybe the vision of Bella as a newborn was given to me so that we could know the best decision to make. If we had made the decision at the first juncture and it disappeared, then we could have waited some and made the decision again in the future in order to get the timing right. Instead I had trusted that somehow it would just work itself out, well, until Edward insisted we leave Bella. It was that table conference that shifted me internally and Jazz's perspective grew in value. Perhaps I had misunderstood the intention of my visions all together and by doing so had added to Bella's feelings of rejection and inadequacy as well as the nightmares and other struggles she presently had as a result of us leaving her.

Going back to my analysis, if my hypothesis was correct, then the next question would be: how do the scenes after Bella's accident up to her waking fit into this pattern? And why was it given to me in a rewind mode. What did _that_ mean? Was it possible that each of the rewind scenes were telling me about the little ripples in Edward? That somehow the deer hitting Bella's car was shifting Edward internally in a way that will be materialized when she woke up?

Edward is such a brooder, although he had improved since we returned from Italy. Still, even I couldn't always tell what was going on with him until it was too late. Perhaps with Jazz's help … Either way the more of this pattern was made apparent to me, the more concerned I became. So far Edward didn't have a good track record of making decisions regarding Bella without input from his family members. First he had wanted to kill her, then he had exposed us all by saving her, then even with James hunting her he had refused to change her putting us at greater risk, then he had forced the family to leave her, and then he had attempted suicide. His record was dramatic and dangerous.

While sitting on the floor staring at the images trying to force my mind to find answers to my questions a vision hit me.

Jasper with coal eyes in a crouch, then him with the girl a prior flash had shown holding a razor dead in his arms his eyes stained red with her blood, then Edward with his arms around him holding him while he dragged him into the woods.

"Emmett," I scream.

"Yes," he answered dashing to the house with Rosalie not far behind.

"Jazz and Edward are in trouble. They're at the doc's house." I gave him the address and general directions as he ran in their direction, but it was probably too late.

Esme had stilled stopping whatever project she was working on.

At the same time that I had yelled instructions to Emmett I had bolted to the phone and called Jasper. He didn't answer. Then I tried Edward's phone. I repeated my calls between them until my phone vibrated with incoming text from Jazz.

Time to reshelve things.

They were heading home. Jazz would be back in my arms again.

Shelving the project I hurried to hide the drawings. Then I called Emmett and told him they were heading home. Rosalie had gone back out to the garage in an outrage.

When the car could be heard in the distance I scanned possibilities for the near future.

"Esme?" I asked softly.

"Yes, dear?" she called back going into motion again.

"Edward and Jazz are going to need to hunt, probably carnivores, so we'll need to go further. Can you ask Emmett and Rosalie if they want to join us?"

"No problem. Should we wait for Carlisle to go?" She went to ask Rosalie while also calling Emmett.

She came back into the living room as the car pulled into the driveway.

"Carlisle will be asked to stay past his shift, but we should leave a note and he can follow us out," I let her know.

Esme went and wrote our standard "Went for a walk, feel free to join us," message on the fridge.

Running to Jazz I jumped up, wrapped myself around him, and kissed him just as he got out of the car focusing on my love, acceptance, compassion, and contentment. Not bothering looking at his eyes, as I already knew their colour, he just stood there holding onto me taking in my scent kissing me with the hunger of the monster.

 _I already invited the family to go hunting,_ I told Edward.

Edward nodded in agreement of my assessment and decision as Emmett came out of the tree line and towards the house.

I could feel the wait of Rosalie's critical stare at Jazz. Fortunately she chose to say nothing.

Unlocking our lips I whispered to Jazz, "Everyone was in need of a hunt. We're all going to go where carnivores are plentiful but Carlisle. He might join us later. He hasn't decided. Which way do you want to go?"

First blood. Then we would talk about what happened and its consequences.

He weighed up his options. "How about we go up into Canada?" he offered to the family since we were all gathered.

There were nods of agreement.

Moving so that I was on his back holding on with my legs and arms he took off like a shot, moving as much to get to where he wanted to go as he was releasing the emotions that he had been containing. One by one despair, hatred, loathing, desire, lust, anger, frustration, irritation, and disappointed diminished. I wished that Jasper could tell me how Edward was feeling, but this wasn't the time. First my husband needed to be attended to.

We were already in Canada continuing to run north when Jazz took my palm and kissed it. Jumping off knowing that he had found what he wanted to drink and wanted to do it alone I went to find my own kill.

Afterwards returning to where Jazz had gone off, no one was back yet except Esme. Unsurprisingly Carlisle's scent wasn't there I checked for when he might arrive. He hadn't made a decision yet, so it was fuzzy, but there was some chance he would intercept us on the way back. We hadn't all been out hunting together in a while so I hoped he would hurry.

"On his way?" Esme asked.

"Still too fuzzy to say for sure. I hope so."

Esme gave me the look that she does when she was concerned about me. I looked back at her knowing what she wanted to ask, but waited for her to form her thoughts.

"You and Jasper joining our family was one of the best things that happened to us." She sighed. "I don't want to imagine what yesterday would look like if you and Jasper weren't here with us."

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

"I know, dear." She took a long pause. "Sometimes I feel as if we depend on your gift too much." She had a look of an old sadness like someone who has seen too much and grieved more than a lifetime.

"Are you worried about me, Esme?" I asked with a slight teasing tone.

"Yes, my dear." She smiled endearingly. She came nearer and spoke in quiet enough tones that others would not hear. "You don't have to tell me about it. I just wanted to let you know that I can see you are wrestling with something and you don't need to carry it alone. I'm here if you need."

We could hear running and from the gait it was Edward.

Giving her a meaningful look I said in a normal tone, "Thank you, Esme, that means a lot to me."

"Anytime darling, anytime."

I really wanted to search for Jazz, but decided to give him privacy, since Edward would see the possibilities, so instead internally hummed. Whatever was causing Jazz to take his sweet old time he would tell me eventually. Patience was one thing that the last fifty-seven years had taught me.

"How was your hunt, Edward?" Esme asked.

"Rewarding. It was good to catch the bigger game that are further from Forks."

That much was obvious. It pleased me that he had been willing to admit it.

"How's Bella?" Esme wondered.

"About the same," he answered grievously.

"How are you holding up?"

He had a mixed look of pensiveness and sadness. "It's hardest at night. I miss her."

"Of course," Esme said assuredly.

While we waited for Edward to say something more I focusing on the memory of the first time I'd heard the tune I had been humming.

Nearly at a whisper he spoke again. "In some ways it feels like I'm back in the hospital after James' attack. I just sat there waiting for her to wake up. Here I am again waiting for her to wake up. The only real difference is that this time it was a deer instead of a sadistic vampire bent on our family's destruction." He seemed lost in thought.

The missing element from my storyboard had been Edward's determination to stay away from Bella, but I had always believed that he had made that decision prior to her birthday. Perhaps his decision to leave if Bella got hurt again had been made while Bella was recovering in hospital from James.

 _Are you again deciding to leave her for her own safety's sake, then?_ I asked him, venturing my hypothesis.

He looked at me startled and then continued to gaze in my direction for many long minutes. Eventually he looked down.

"This time I'm making no decisions. I learned the hard way that choosing what's best for Bella without her input ends up badly for both of us. No. I won't make that mistake again. This time I'm just waiting." By the end he was looking at me again with determination and confidence.

His statement indicated a substantial change from him.

"That seems wise, Edward. A relationship takes the input of both parties for it to work," Esme stated gently. Then she smiled, surely remembering something about Carlisle as I was doing about Jazz.

Edward seemed to smile, but it contained uncertainty and sadness.

My husband's gait was approaching us at a gallop. As he came near he slowed. He looked far calmer and more himself. Happy to see him, especially in this state, I focused on him and let my concerns for Edward fade into the background.

"Where's Rosalie and Emmett?" Jazz enquired.

"Do you really want to find out?" Edward responded raising his eyebrow.

It seemed to me that Jazz was reaching out with his gift because soon after he grinned broadly and looked at me mischievously.

Edward let out a heavy defeated sigh. "Please do better than them and go past my range," he pleaded.

Jazz nodded at Edward, took my hand, and we ran off. I love my husband in all his states couldn't be married to an empath otherwise, but the mood rolling off him was especially sweet. We dutifully went more than two miles.

After too short of a time the sun would rise soon. "Want to talk about it before we head back?" I inquired.

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me, June bug." He stared into my eyes sending me adoration, kindness, affection, appreciation, and the smallest amount of desire.

"I am forever grateful that you finally decided to show up in that diner," I answered back filling my mind with the memories of that day.

"I bet they'd appreciate it if we headed back to them."

"Yes, Major, I do reckon that you'd be right about that." I smiled broadly and jumped up on his back. He took my palm and held it to his nose, only this time it was in gratitude.

We sprinted back; well, he sprinted. When we arrived Rosalie and Emmett were waiting. Rosalie looked worried and nervous, but calmer than before the hunt. She eyed Jasper critically, but again said nothing.

"Carlisle?" Esme asked.

I searched.

"Getting home shortly. There's some chance that he'll catch us on our way home if we take the same route back."

We all knew that it would be best if we were back across the border before sunrise, so we all began running. Moving to get down Jazz stopped me holding my hands in his, so instead I settled onto his back and held on.

Edward being the fastest led the way, but not unbearably so. Esme wasn't far behind looking forward to being reunited with Carlisle. Rosalie and Emmett were running at a leisurely pace, as was Jazz. It pleased me that Jazz was feeling himself enough to pick up on the family's emotional state. After hunting is one of his favourite climates, contentment and satisfaction are often the strongest from all of us.

We had crossed back into Washington and were about half way home when Carlisle saw the note and head towards us, even before he did his routine. I smiled. Jazz sent my gladness back to me. Shortly after we could hear Carlisle running towards us. Edward and then Esme had stopped. Right as we caught up with them they were exchanging greetings with Carlisle.

He must have mentally asked Edward if there was news from the surveillance because Edward answered, "Yes, but it can wait while you hunt."

Carlisle paused probably evaluating his own thirst level.

"It would be good for me to go. Would you mind accompanying me, apple?" Esme nodded yes. "Meet you all back at the house?"

We all agreed and continued towards the house while Carlisle and Esme went in search of something nearby.

Jazz radiated the feelings of the family to me in a small dose. I grinned widely. Some days are tougher than others, but nothing beats our family.

Jazz and I took a seat on the couch me laying on him and him wrapping his arms and legs around me. I purposefully stayed in the moment allowing his gratitude, love, adoration, determination, and courage to sweep me into his world.

Edward had sat down at the piano attempting to create a new composure by the sound of it. From the notes he played I'd say that he was missing her and restless.

As soon as Carlisle and Esme were in the house Rosalie and Emmett entered the living room. Edward stopped his playing and joined us.

Once everyone was settled Edward looked at each of our faces while his morphed into the features he had when he carried the firm resolve to be the defender of our family. "At the hospital Dr. Whitaker had a chat with Charlie. Charlie was forthright adding his opinion that Renée could have done a better job of keeping Bella from sustaining injuries. Dr. Whitaker's thoughts suggested that he dismissed focusing on Renée as she is on the other side of the country and Bella hasn't been in her care since last January. He ruled out Charlie and Carlisle, and instead placing his full concern on me. He believes that her self-injury combined with the fact that she hid it from her father is proof that she is in danger. He seems willing to go to violent measures as he had a memory of threatening who I assume was his daughter's abuser. Fortunately for us before we came to Forks he made an accusation that was denied and caused him embarrassment, so he's reluctant to act."

He paused exchanging a look with Jasper who must have communicated with Edward mentally because then Edward continued.

"At his home Dr. Whitaker's thoughts were significantly less reserved and professional than at work."

Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett looked at him with concern.

I wouldn't be surprised if they each were hoping that Edward hadn't done anything foolish.

Rosalie looked like she could easily become furious.

Emmett's face looked contemplative as if he was considering what that might mean for Edward. Emmett being a telepath would be a horrible idea.

 _You're such a tease_ , I scolded Edward.

"Fortunately Jasper was there to keep me on the straight and narrow."

Carlisle and Esme smiled with relief.

Rosalie physically eased up.

Emmett had that what would I have done look. Most certainly we would have had to move. Emmett didn't have anywhere close to the patience or tolerance that Edward did.

"Needless to say he has presumed the worst of me, as if I could …" then he shook his head in an attempt to dislodge the torturous images. I didn't want to know what a doctor who has seen the worst of humanity might imagine. Certainly Jacob was unkind to Edward mentally, but Jacob was a young man with little more than his imagination.

Carlisle looked apprehensive and sad for Edward.

Esme had that far away look she gets when she was thinking about her past.

Rosalie stiffened almost as if frozen.

Emmett became concerned about Rosalie and began rubbing her back.

I thought about how much of an idiot Dr. Whitaker must be to even entertain the idea that Edward could hurt Bella. I just couldn't imagine it. Edward was an idiot for sure, possessive, and at times controlling, but he worked so hard to temper his strength around her it was incredible that she _wasn't_ bruised.

Jasper was distant probably replaying the moments from his perspective.

"In his thoughts he saw himself as a type of protector of hurt females. Unfortunately for us his postulates are accurate: she does have an usual amount of injuries, a number of her injuries have occurred since she moved to Forks, she has been treated outside the hospital where there is no oversight, and her most recent, apart from the collision, is self-inflicted. He is fairly confident that something inappropriate is going on. His doubts are in the lack of bruising consistent with physical abuse. Right now he has concluded that although the self-injury suggests fowl play it isn't sufficient without other evidence to make an accusation. His daughter's thoughts were dark and his wife's were focused on trying to find help for her daughter and supporting her husband. He kept reviewing the facts as he sees them."

For some reason Edward's statement aroused Jasper from his reflective state.

It didn't take long to realize that Dr. Whitaker had made the correct mental connections given the evidence, just the wrong conclusion. Certainly everyone else would come to the came awareness. With that in hand I began to wonder if our plan for tomorrow would work. It was risky for sure. I hated this sense of doubt in me. The gosh darn wolves prevented me from seeing the outcome. It was highly irritating. I could feel Jasper sending me low levels of courage and trust while soothing my irritation. He was a great strategist. Even if I couldn't trust the future, I could trust him. I snuggled up closer to him and rubbed my cheek into his chest pressing my face and scent into him.

Edward appeared to be done and looked at Jasper expectantly his jaw set.

After a few seconds Jasper added his perspective. "The family is a mess. The father was full of self-blame, shame, doubt, rage, and despondency. The mother was sad to the point of depression, hopeless, confused, frustrated, angry, and despondent. The daughter was overflowing with self-hatred, shame, hopelessness, inwardly projected anger, and self-focused disgust."

Esme and Rosalie looked as bad as they had last night when we had talked about the risk Dr. Whitaker posed.

Emmett soothed Rosalie.

Carlisle had his doctor face on.

I remembered what Jazz had told me last night as I had felt pity. Instead I focused on him and wanting to comfort him from having to pick up those emotions.

Jasper was growing more tense probably because his memories were coming nearer to when he went after the girl.

"The daughter is a self-wounding cutter with a razor blade most likely," Jasper explained.

The vision that I had received right before they had walked out the door came to mind and I reviewed it to see if there had been something I had missed or more than I could have done to aid Jasper.

Esme's and Rosalie's looked shock. Then Esme morphed into empathetic understanding while Rosalie went back to her neutral stance.

Emmett appeared confused.

Quickly checking the future it looked unlikely that Emmett, Rosalie, or Emse would ask about my instructions to send Emmett most likely because they would assume Edward, Jasper, or I would say something.

Edward's face was neutral as if he was determined not to expose Jasper.

I wasn't going to mention it either. It was up to Jasper.

Carlisle looked at Jasper and then Edward. Multiple possible futures quickly flashed indicating that he was debating whether to ask for more information regarding what happened or let it go.

I hoped that he would just let it go not wanting Jasper to be pulled onto the carpet like that.

There was a tense pause while I waited to see if Jasper would admit what happened or Carlisle would call him on it.

"With this in hand, does anyone believe that a change to our plan is called for?" Carlisle asked looked at each of us letting what Jasper had shared go unsaid for the moment.

Rosalie and Esme said nothing seemingly lost in their thoughts and possibly their pasts. Each of the guys shook their heads no.

"Then we move forward as planned. Alice did you see anything particular about today?" he asked me.

"Possibly. I can't be certain, but I _think_ that some of the wolves and their families will visit Bella later. Esme already asked about food, and I had told her that food for them would be of assistance. It looks like our family will visit as well. But it wasn't clear, so I couldn't say a time or who went." My ire was evident.

"I plan on getting ready and heading over soon," Edward reported.

"I prepped some casseroles. I should cook them and come over about lunch time," Esme said sweetly appearing to come out of her contemplations.

"I'd like to be there," I told them, "but I don't know when yet." I looked at Jasper silently asking him if he needed me and his plans.

"If there's going to be wolves and us, then I want to be there," Emmett proclaimed.

Rosalie looked at her husband proud of his need to protect us, yet wanting him nowhere near them.

"I'm not sure. It depends on where I'm at with the cast project," Rosalie explained.

Jasper nodded his head at me, "I will not be going."

Carlisle appeared to be doing some complex complications. Certainly he knew the environment and the staff best. He was probably trying to work out the best way to handle things. I had been to the Phoenix hospital, but never the Forks one. Emmett hadn't been to either. And Esme the staff knew, but there would be five of us together including Carlisle.

"Alice and Emmett, if you do come, please do separately and attract as little attention as possible," Carlisle instructed.

We both nodded in acquiescence.

"Then I don't need to tell you the importance of our façade in the hospital or that I expect you to be on your very best diplomatic behaviour around the wolves."

Emmett and I nodded solemnly. We weren't going to do anything to break the treaty or alert the humans.

"Anything else?" Carlisle asked.

There didn't seem to be.

Internally relief filled me as I realized that Carlisle wasn't going to inquire further about Jasper.

Carlisle took Esme's hand and led her up to their bedroom. Checking the future, Esme would be all right in a bit. Carlisle would take care of her.

Emmett grabbed Rosalie's hand and led her outside.

Edward went to his room to shower and to change giving Jazz and I the living room.

I ran my hands on his arms and chest while he ran his hands on my back both of us needing to reassure ourselves and each other that the events a few hours ago were behind us as a couple and individually.

"Don't feel guilty," Jazz whispered in my ear. "You did no wrong."

"I saw flashes of a young girl and a razor. I didn't know how to interpret the images. If I understood my gift better this wouldn't have happened."

"You're not God, Alice. You don't see everything. You don't know everything. And I am responsible for my own actions."

"I know that. I do. I just hate seeing you struggle."

"Maybe I need to struggle, June bug. If I survived Maria and the battles of those years, I can fight my way through this."

"I never doubted that, Jazz. Never."

"I know," he whispered longingly into my ear. I moved up his chest and kissed him strongly.

He was strong. The strongest man I knew. Perhaps even stronger than Edward or Carlisle. Carlisle was strong for never tasting human blood, but Jazz had gorged himself for decades. Not to mention the strain Jazz's gift was on him. I admired Carlisle. I did, but no one beat my Major.


	14. Edward-You'd Be Proud

Chapter 14: Edward-You'd Be Proud

* * *

Arriving home from our hunting trip I was anxious to go to Bella and therefore restless to have our family meeting complete even though it was still a few hours before I could actually be by her side. If the family stuff was done, then I could at least get into a close proximity and listen to Charlie's thoughts, and if I was close enough, I might even be able to hear her heart beat. I had started calculating what distance would be needed for such a thing and possible locations near to the hospital to accomplish this while I ran back to the house.

I was glad that our trip had been agreeable to the couples. It was nice to have their thoughts content. At the same time, all those years pre-Bella I had wished for someone believing that having that special someone would ease my discomfort and sadness when the couples expressed their love and connection to one another. In some ways having Bella in my life did make it better. I had someone who had said yes to me, and, I hoped, would tell her family our blissful news when she awoke. Yet, in some ways it was worse because for Bella and I to be able to share in with these types of moments required Bella to become one of us, a creature of shadow. Although I had agreed to it and I saw no other choice, given our most recent visit from the Volutri, I was still quite upset by the prospect. And my siblings' thoughts unintentionally reminded me what a miser I was by giving into my angel's wishes and making her one of us. I let their thoughts recede into the background, focused on my mother's ring on Bella's finger, and attempted to capture the feeling I had when Bella agreed to marry as my fingers danced on the piano keys. As the music began to flow it was too sad, too tormentous.

By the time Carlisle and Esme had got back the sun truly had risen behind the heavy covering of clouds. The other couples had heard Carlisle and Esme heading in and were situated in the living room. I had stopped playing once Carlisle and Esme stepped into the room. Everyone looked at me.

 _Oh Edward, there was no need to stop on our account,_ Esme thought.

 _Go ahead, son, give us the report,_ Carlisle requested.

I did as he had asked. Then the conversation turned towards the plan to thwart Dr. Whitaker's accusations. No one was certain about our plan, but at the same time no alternative had been offered. The worst part was Alice. Even she doubted the outcome. It was disconcerting. The limitations of her gift due to the wolves frustrated her, but it unnerved me.

After our debriefing I went to get ready, even though Jasper and I hadn't been able to compare our findings like I hoped, but I also knew he needed Alice.

I was just trying to tame my hair a little before heading out when Jasper asked, _How about now?_

"Sure," I answered just loud enough for him to hear.

I went downstairs and we began our comparisons. Starting from when we were close enough for Jasper's gift to pick up the Whitaker family, I spoke the internal monologues and Jasper described the feelings at that moment at a volume that Carlisle could hear us if he wanted to. Simultaneously, Alice ran through multiple comparisons.

Microscopically we went through each moment starting from Dr. Whitaker, then to his wife, and then his daughter. I went through the thoughts right before his daughter took the blade and cut open her skin. I stopped. There was no need to relive those next moments.

We looked at Alice. "Anything useful?" Jasper asked.

"Adds strength to Esme and Rosalie's plan." Alice looked pained and confused.

"What is it, June bug?"

Sadness coloured Alice's features. "Why would his daughter believe those things? She's wrong. She does have value. It wasn't her fault."

Jasper looked deeply into Alice's eyes. "Because sweetness she bought his lies as truth and she didn't have you to convince her otherwise." Then he kissed her like she was saving him from himself.

I knew that feeling.

 _Oh._ After the kiss ended Alice's mind began to see things differently.

"Why cut herself? Does she want to die?"

"She wants the pain to end," Jasper answered.

"She saw no other way to ease the pain," I explained nearly at the same time.

"And the flow of blood reduced her internal tension. It gave her a sense of calmness that she didn't have before."

I looked at Jasper suddenly understanding.

I had heard her thought patterns turn into whispers as the blood flowed, but that hadn't explained sufficiently what had happened. In Biology on the fateful day that I had first met Bella had been the first time in my existence that the monster got out without my consent. For a few moments I had been the spectator while the monster had full control of my faculties. By sure luck I had a microsecond of clarity and had been able to fight it. It had been the first time that I had empathy for Jasper's experience of being overcome by the monster. In all our years together I had never experienced Jasper being taken over by his bloodlust and then being able to reclaim himself before the end of the frenzy. Yet, that was exactly what had happened.

As soon as the blood had rushed out and Jasper moved towards it, I had bolted after him fully expected to lose my fight against him, but then for no reason that I could see, his mind had shifted and, just like that moment in Biology, the smallest fragment of Jasper's true voice had returned. He had stopped struggling so much, he had thought of Alice, how he didn't want to mess up his record, how hard it would be to start again after having a taste, and not wanting to disappoint himself.

 _Car_ , he had ordered me.

I had watched his thoughts wearily. When we had not been hidden by the darkness anymore, I had rearranged us so that I was holding fiercely onto his shoulder as if he were drunk. At the car I had opened the door, forced him in, and closed the door behind him all while remembering the end of that school day when I finally had made it into the car and what a help my family's scents had been. I assumed that he would find Alice's especially strengthening. Bella's scent had been in the car as well, but that didn't seem to impact him like it had used to and I could only hope it wouldn't cause him to lose it again. Driving home I had hoped that he absorbed how impressed and proud I was to call him brother.

Coming back out of my memory my brain made the connections to what had made the difference to Jasper: his potential meal's change in emotional states. I was in awe.

Jasper looked up with an appreciative and somewhat embarrassed grin on his face.

Thank goodness my brother is an empath. The thought that I would of needed to express that out loud was too much to handle. I looked away embarrassed.

"I'm going to head to the hospital now," I told the household.

 _Thanks, Edward. Your faith in me means a lot._

They both nodded at me.

I looked Jasper in the eye and nodded slightly conveying my acknowledgement.

Carlisle and Esme were still focused on each other. I couldn't be certain that Carlisle heard our discussion or that either of them knew I was leaving. Carlisle's responsibility in that moment was to Esme. I had come to understand that in a new way since Bella had saved me in Italy. I just smiled grateful that they had each other.

As soon as I got close enough to the hospital I began picking up Dr. Whitaker's thoughts. Luckily for me he was having a heavy workload and was focused on that.

Unable to hear Charlie's internal voice I hoped that meant he had gone home for a few hours at least.

Fortunately when I arrived at the hospital there was a different receptionist.

 _Looking good, sweetness. I wonder if I could get his number? I bet he tastes yummy._

"Good, morning. I'm here to visit Isabella Swan," I told her matter-of-factually.

 _That voice. Swoon._ "Here you go," she told me as she handed me the badge.

Careful that our hands didn't touch I took it from her.

"Visiting hours are until five this evening. Do you know which room you need?"

"Yes, thank you," I told her cordially.

 _Maybe I could get him to come visit me after hours._

Walking away I smiled remembering Bella's teasing me of dazzling women. At least it had worked better today than yesterday. I wondered if that meant something within me had changed.

I could hear two heartbeats in Bella's room, but no thoughts at all. Disappointment filled me, as I had to acknowledge I wouldn't get time alone with Bella. I knocked just in case and then opened the door. I found Charlie next to Bella's bed but looking out the window. His back was too me, but his posture was as if he were an empty shell. Walking to the chair I had sat in yesterday I could see that the left side of his face was blank.

It was if no one was home. He didn't even stir.

I listened acutely to his vitals and compared them to the last few months I had spent in his house unable to pick up anything particularly worrisome. And Bella's vitals sounded almost exactly as when she was sleeping deeply except that her in take and out take of breaths were shallower.

This girl was my life. Just days ago I couldn't have imagined a night without her, now I had done two, and I was still standing. I still existed. I helped my family. I went hunting. I wasn't running away. Even more surprisingly my thoughts weren't spiralling downward towards Romeo type images. Jasper's reprimands and Esme's gentle sweet encouragements blocked my thoughts when they wanted to go down those roads. No, I told myself. I couldn't do that to my family twice.

I would be an empty shell without her. My heart ached while also felt more whole being in the same room as her, but I was responding differently than when she was injured by James. I would be here when she woke up, not because my family, well Alice, had forced me to stay, but because I knew she needed me here. The differences, all internal, included my dismissal of Italy as an option. There was a significant difference between Phoenix and Bella laying here; I had something new: faith.

Believing Alice's vision that Bella would wake up I wasn't frantically worried, although I was concerned about Bella's well-being and somewhat anxious about what she would be like when she did wake. It was beginning to dawn on me why Bella might be so eager to become one of us. Her words that she could endure anything but lose me took on a new meaning because I felt the same. Deep down inside there was a confidence that as long as Bella was alive I could survive anything. Certainly waiting a few days was within my realm of capability. But when she woke and was able we would need to revisit our agreement. I couldn't go through the possibility of her death again.

The doubt lingered if I had done the right thing by bringing here to the hospital rather than changing her. The only thing holding me together was Alice's vision. Without that image of Bella waking up, without Alice's confidence in the future I would turn Bella this moment. That was a sobering thought, but I simply could not live with the risk that she might die. It was basically self-preservation at this point. I knew what it was like to believe Bella was dead. And I had vowed to my parents to not seek death again. I would do anything, anything, including injecting my venom into her bloodstream to prevent that feeling being my only companion for the rest of eternity.

Right now, her death wasn't a possibility than it was any other day she was human. When I wasn't here guarding her, Carlisle was here in the hospital. She was as safe as she ever could be. A niggling statement Bella had said one wouldn't leave me; perhaps, I could hope that Bella was right–we did have souls otherwise I wouldn't have believed myself in heaven when she saved me in Volturra. Nonetheless, the realization that I was willing to risk her soul to keep her was startling. The stark reality of the moment created the awareness that my instinct of self-preservation was stronger than by beliefs.

I guessed from the increased volume of the good doctor's thoughts that he was growing nearer. Shortly after he knocked then entered. Charlie came out of his dazed state.

"Good morning, doctor," Charlie stated.

"How were things last night?" _Goodness! He looks terrible. I probably looked like that when my little girl was in here._

"No change." Charlie said this with a tone of anguish I had never heard from him before.

Was it possible that he was concerned that she'd never awaken?

"Then the drug is doing its job. We want to keep her under for at least another twenty-four hours." He mentally weighed all the options and reassured himself that this was the best treatment. Then he once again went through the evidence of abuse while he glared at me out of the corner of his eye.

"Uh-huh," Charlie answered but the tone was apathetic.

Dr. Whitaker's mind shifted back to the task at hand. "Everything is looking fine so far. We'll do another MRI tomorrow before we take her off the drugs." Then he already began to think about the next patient.

This is one of the things that I admire about Carlisle. Each of his patients has his full attention, including mentally, until he left their side.

"Okay then." Charlie's tone suggested that the doctor go away unless he had better news.

 _I wish there was some way I could protect this young woman from Dr. Cullen's son. I should check to see if he's here past visiting hours. If his hours are limited and he's supervised at all times perhaps she'll be safer …_ He continued to glare at me out of the corner of his eye, but said nothing, and headed out.

Charlie went back to staring out the window, but with a less comatose look to him. I sat just listening to my favourite sound in the world: the rhythm that meant Bella was alive. I focused on the memory of her agreeing to marry me and began working again on the melody I had started.

Charlie's stomach started to complain to the level that I imagined he could even hear it.

"Talked to Sue Clearwater this morning," Charlie said out of the blue still looking at the window. "Seems like her and Seth will come by and visit Bella about lunch time."

I assumed he was addressing me. Possibly Bella got some of her non-human qualities from him.

"That would be good. Hopefully it'll help Bella," I said quietly.

"That would be good." He took in a long breath. Sue was in his thoughts. "Sue can only come on her lunch break, so she hoped Seth could get a ride back to La Push."

"Of course. I would be happy to, sir. My mom was planning on stopping by with food of some sort this afternoon. Perhaps even she could take him home, depending on schedules."

"Yeah. All right."

"Do you know when Sue's going to be here? I know Esme would like to bring her dish so Sue wouldn't need to eat the hospital food."

"A little after one."

"Okay. I'll mention it to Esme."

"I'm going to get some grub."

I nodded unsure though if he saw me. He sat like that for a few more minutes before he pulled himself out of the chair and headed towards the door.

Once he was a few steps down the hall I went over to Bella and held her hand grateful we weren't in 1918 where I, most likely, wouldn't have been allowed in her room let alone left by myself with her or been able to hold her hand.

"I miss you Bella. I'm here waiting for you to wake up. I haven't left you." I decided to tell her everything she'd missed since her accident including Jasper's near-miss, which required doing so at my normal speed and thus at a near whisper. I slowed down slight when I added, "I wish he would have said something to the family. I'm proud of him. I'm sure everyone else would have been as well. He's really come a long way our Jasper."

Charlie's foggy images changed from food to Bella.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I've got to call Esme," I told her while keeping her hand in mine.

I picked up my cell phone with my other hand getting Esme on the first ring. Her and Carlisle must have finished. I explained to her what Charlie had said and right on time Charlie walked into the room with my standing at the end of Bella's bed. "That would be great, Mom. Thanks so much."

I turned to Charlie. "Everything's sorted. Esme will be here after noon but before one, and said if Seth wants a ride she'd be happy to take him. She also said that Alice might stop by a bit later like around three and could also take Seth then if that worked, but wouldn't mind taking two trips of needed."

"Thanks."

"No problem, sir."

He sat back down next to Bella and I sat back down in my chair. We sat in silence neither of us needing to fill it.

Right on time Esme's mental voice could be heard coming nearer. She was considering the chance this plan would work, reviewing what else she could do to protect me from these accusations, considering how well Emmett would be able to behave, and worrying about Bella. Not long after she showed up with three different dishes.

Charlie smiled when Esme walked in.

"Here, Mom, let me help you," I offered.

She handed me two of the dishes.

"Thanks, Edward."

"Are you sure you made enough?" Charlie teased his eyes wide salivating at the smell.

"Well, you know how teenagers eat. I didn't want to run out," Esme explained smiling warmly. She turned to me. "Edward, I have some more things in the car. Would you please come down with me to help?"

"Of course, Mom." We both headed out the door.

Charlie looked torn like he wanted to offer, but couldn't leave Bella.

"Be right back," Esme called out to Charlie seemingly reassuring him.

She led the way through the hospital that kept out of the public areas and allowed us some privacy. It was obvious that Esme was using this as a tactic to check up on me.

"So, Edward, how are you doing," _really?_

I shrugged. "Fine?" I teased.

"Oh no, mister. Bella uses that word enough," she teased back. _Are you worried that Bella won't wake up?_

"No," I muttered. "I just miss her."

"Well, that's good." _Alice is quite confident about it. And you know that girl; she'd move heaven and earth for Bella if she wasn't certain._

"I'm not doubting that she will wake up. I'm just worried," I admitted. Yes, Alice would do anything for what she thought was best for Bella even if Bella disagreed.

"You love her. It's natural to worry." She smiled sadly. _But there is a difference between worrying with hope and without it._

"I know, Mom," I whined.

It was nice to have her care and be concerned, but it wasn't like last year. I didn't need to lean on her so heavily. I don't think I would ever want her to stop these gentle kind compassionate inquiries, though.

"You're _sure_ that you're handling thing well?"

"Yes, Mom," I huffed out.

She seemed surprised a bit by my insistence that I was doing okay.

We were at the car when I turned to her. "I really am, Mother." I said teasingly as I emphasised the word mother before lowing my voice to a whisper. "No foreign trips to Europe on my horizon. I promised you. I'm not running. I'm restless because there's nothing to do but wait." I smiled as she did. Us both knowing how poor I was at being patient.

"A _Mother_ worries," she retorted. "You will always be my first son."

Was I all right? Not by a long shot. I needed Bella like she needed air. In my stupidity I had once thought that my love for her was as temporary as she was ephermal. In my arrogance I had assumed that Bella had awoken my heart but wasn't meant to be my mate. At the time my evidence had been that the Almighty would never condemn an angel like her to the likes of me. Once I left her and the pain was searing and consuming I had realized my error simultaneously determining that the pain I had endured was punishment for being a monster. However, down in the depth of Volturra I had realized that my options were death or Bella. How could I tell my second mother who loved me as her own that I would rather die than be without Bella? So what else was I to do but hope Alice was right and reassure my mother of my intention to keep my promises? I could be strong. I would be strong. Bella was breathing, her heart pumped; she had asked me to make her like me and against my better judgement I would get to keep her. It was utterly selfish of me, but I had tried to be selfless and it had nearly undone all of whom I loved.

We walked back in silence while she attempted to mentally reassure me that Bella would be fine, it was only four more days, and that she was there for me.

I murmured "Thank you" to Esme for her love and caring heart as we went to open Bella's hospital room door with hands full of plates and plastic cutlery and napkins and cups and soda.

Sue and Seth were already in the room. Sue was standing near Charlie and Seth by the windowsill where the food had been placed.

Charlie looked at us.

Sue kept her eyes glued on Charlie.

Seth and I looked at each other trying to figure out what to do next.

"Edward and Esme this is Sue Clearwater and her son Seth. Sue and Seth, this is Edward and Esme," Charlie stated.

"Hi Esme," Seth responded joyously and came over and gave us both big hugs while keeping his mom in his periphery. He was a good kid and a good son. He didn't even wrinkle his nose, so we responded in kind, acting as if his smell wasn't repugnant and his proximity wasn't trying to convince our bodies to attack out of self-preservation.

It was clear from Sue's thoughts that being here was difficult. She wanted to support Charlie. She obviously cared about him a great deal, but watching Seth hug us was almost too much. Given that she was a counsel member, her beliefs and fear were understandable if not somewhat misplaced.

I wished there was some way to rectify the misconceptions, but I kept my distance hoping that by doing so she might calm herself.

"It's nice to formally meet you Sue. Thank you for coming," Esme said as she took my queue continuing to stand near me.

"Yes, Sue. Thank you very much," I offered.

"Please help yourself to the food. It is a small token of our appreciation," Esme urged.

 _They made food? They don't eat food. Why would they make food? That seems highly suspicious. Would they poison us? No, they certainly don't want a war between our kinds._

Sue didn't seem to know what to do. She was hungry, but didn't trust us or Esme's cooking.

Seth was a different matter entirely. _Sweet. I'm hungry. Glad the old lady thought to bring some grub. There's a lot here. Smells great._ Then he just dug right in getting Charlie and Sue servings before helping himself. Neither Charlie nor Sue said anything about Esme and my lack of eating.

Esme, Sue, and Charlie settled into a polite awkward conversation about things happening in Forks and La Push in general as well as raising teenagers. Certainly raising teenagers in the supernatural world was a topic to which the three of them shared in common even if Charlie didn't realize it.

Seth and I stood near the window ledge where the food was located talking. In the background of my mind I continued to scan the hospital for key terms and kept a channel open for my mother albeit turned down in volume. Otherwise, I gave Seth my full attention. I really wasn't interested in Sue's thoughts although I did make sure to only tune them down and not out in case something vital came through.

"How's Jacob?" I asked politely.

Seth raised an eyebrow as if in a challenge.

I eyed him back like what, I care.

"Healing. Didn't the doc tell you?" he asked softly.

"No. He doesn't talk about his patients," I answered matching his volume.

"Can't you know …" then he waved his hands around.

"Um, especially when I was younger with his work here at the hospital around all those _injuries_ it was too much. Now it's habit. He's usually good at compartmentalizing work from home and not thinking about it, although he does read his medical journals at home. To the most part he gives whatever he's doing in the moment 100% of his attention."

He was trying to imagine what it would be like to have a doctor's thoughts and memories readable to him. "Wow. I could see that being a challenge." After a pregnant pause unable to shake my description of Carlisle he asked, "Is that normal? You know …" _for vampires._

"No," I answered truthfully, but dropping my voice to a human whisper. "Most think about lots of different things at the same time with some thoughts having greater attention than others. My Dad is really remarkable in many ways. He has a kind and compassionate mind that always searches for the most peaceful solution before considering anything else first."

Out of the corner of my eye Esme beamed.

"Huh. He's got me beat, then. Especially with Leah. I love her and all, but she's my sister so …" then he shrugged his shoulders. Memories of him and Leah fighting came to his mind.

"Yeah, I get that. My brothers annoy me to no end, especially Emmett. He's a real prankster and he teases me constantly. Rosalie has a special ability to get under my skin. We're too much alike I suppose."

He mentally went through our family trying to match the name. "The pretty blond one?" he asked sheepishly.

"Yeah, Rosalie's blond," I replied stoically.

I inwardly smiled at this young kid who was almost as good at being a diplomat as Carlisle. He would make a good chief.

"Hey, I had a favour to ask," I told him.

He looked at me like go ahead.

"Would you be willing to see if you could get more of the pack to come to visit Bella after your mom heads back to work?"

"How many?" he asked willing to conspire along with me. _Anything for Bella._

"As many as possible." I really liked Seth, but I knew I had to be careful what I said. Everything would get back to the pack as soon as he phased.

"How many of you will be here?" he asked quietly.

"My mother, me, Alice, and Emmett last I was told."

He nodded his mind calculating numbers and pack member's comfort levels. _Certainly not Paul_ he decided.

Given my encounters with Paul and his thoughts I had to agree.

 _Not Leah either. She's got a hot mouth on the best of days plus she said she didn't want to come. Quil? Emery? Brady? Collin? Jared? Maybe not Jared. He likes Bella all right, and he's not as hot tempered as Paul or Leah, but … nah, better leave him out. Will he get upset if he doesn't get invited? He's probably got something planned with Kim._

"Yeah. I can do that."

"Thanks," I told him hoping he could hear my genuine gratitude.

His mind was still mulling over what we had talked about.

"Is it difficult, Edward?"

I looked at him like is what difficult.

"Your gift," he said bashfully whispering at me.

"In the beginning it was horrible," I whispered back. "Dad had to take me where I could find silence except from him as he couldn't leave me, of course. It took me years and tons of practice and uncomfortable pressure in my brain before I could manage."

Esme's eyes had the smallest amount of sadness no doubt wishing she had been there to help me through that stage.

"What about your mom?"

I inwardly smiled realizing how little they knew about us and how this information might help ease tensions in the long run. "She joined the family a few years later. I was Dad's first and for a while it was just the two of us."

Seth blanched. His mind was fighting between his compassion for my struggles and the reality of my nature and what he imagined that meant, especially after meeting newborns.

"I would have died without Dad's intervention," I explained.

Seth nodded like he already knew this. Probably Bella had mentioned it. I wouldn't be surprised if she had said so in her attempts to defend Carlisle and our family.

"Were you anything like … " he waved his hands again.

"Yes and no. Yes I wasn't as calm and controlled as I am now. No because with Carlisle as my Dad and him guiding me I wasn't like them. It's still a difficult time. Everything is heightened including emotions and it's hard to learn to manage in the beginning."

He nodded thoughtfully thinking over the pack members and how their first phasing had gone. He had taken to it as had Quil, but others like Leah had struggled. His capacity to be compassionate and empathetic was astounding.

"You're a kind and fair man, Seth. Thank you."

His eyes got bigger. "You probably know a lot about people, their natures, and such," he said knowingly.

"Too much sometimes," I agreed.

"Leah's just bitter. She really is a sweet caring person underneath. She got burned bad and it's easier for her to be angry than sad."

I nodded sagely. "Thank you for sharing that. She's lucky to have a brother like you."

While I was speaking Sue stood up. I increased the volume on her inner voice in case.

She seemed to be fighting an internal battle. "I got to get back to work," she announced. She looked at Seth poignantly. "Are you sure you're fine to stay?"

He smiled knowingly. "I promise not to get Edward into any trouble. Anyway Charlie and Esme will keep him in line."

Sue smiled slightly at her son's antics while she mentally reminded herself that we wouldn't try anything in front of Charlie. "You sure?"

"Sure, Mom. I'll be fine." There was the strength of his place in the tribe behind his words.

She nodded, frowned, and dropped her eyes. _If anything happens to my only son …_ She looked at Seth again and sighed heavily.

Esme looked at me concerned. As per usual when my family spoke to me directly the volume automatically increased. _Should I say anything?_

I shifted my eyes to the right, then left, then right again.

 _I wish I could reassure her. We owe Seth for helping you. Without him who knows what could have happened to you or Bella._

I didn't want to imagine how things would have played out without Seth also, but none of that could be spoken around Charlie. Any comment I could think of that hinted at that raised too many questions and required too many lies.

Eventually Sue seemed to come to a decision. She looked at Esme forcefully daring her almost. "You make sure my son gets home safe," she warned the full authority of being a counsel member on her tone.

"Of course, Sue. Seth has been great for Bella and Edward. I am grateful beyond words for his friendship with my son and Bella. I will ensure he is returned to La Push."

Esme stunned me. How she managed to convey that to Sue warmly, motherly, and with unquestioning steel in her tone amazed me.

Sue studied Esme briefly taking in her words and tone. _I still don't like it, but as Seth seems comfortable with the arrangement … I just … I hope they leave the area now that graduation is over._ She nodded once sharply. She put her hand on Charlie. "I hope she gets well soon. Let me know if you need anything Charlie."

He nodded and grunted only briefly looking up at her as his eyes had begun to water.

As soon as Sue left her thoughts shifted to work and errands probably in an attempt to distract herself. Esme and Charlie resumed their conversation and Seth, true to his word, called up all the guys except Paul. He left out Sam since he assumed that Sam already got the invite. Sure enough Jared was doing something with his imprint Kim. He warned each of them which members of our family would be here and their need to control themselves as Charlie would be in the room. It was fun for me to hear Seth take a semi-leadership role.

"Some of the guys can come, but they need a ride," he let me know.

"How many?" I whispered ignoring the fact that I could hear that through the phone.

It was ironic how Bella was the same. She knew of my capacities but seemed to forget in the moment. Maybe it was a human thing.

"Three maybe four. Quil, Emery, Brady, and maybe Collin," he whispered back.

As I searched his thoughts I realized that in some ways he forgot my capacities, but more than that he wanted to act like I hadn't heard his thoughts or phone conversations. It made him more comfortable, but there was also something there about how doing so allowed him to see me less as an enemy and more human. Either way it endeared me to him and helped me understand Bella better. Maybe instead of forgetting my capacities like I had presumed, her love for me caused her to treat me as her equal, as human. That was what she kept saying–that she wanted us to be equals. I fell in love with her a little bit more.

"Would they be willing to hitch a ride from Emmett at the border?" I asked him.

He thought about the guys and their proximity to Emmett deciding that four against one would help settle nerves. "Yeah," he said hesitantly. "I think they can handle it."

I didn't dare tell him that Emmett could easily kill all four of them coming out with only a few scratches.

Esme had been doing a great job engaging with Charlie. _I'll call Emmett and tell him to be on his best behaviour._

I nodded. Yes, that would be an excellent idea. Emmett wouldn't mean to, but sometimes his brain and mouth are not attached. As a telepath it's refreshing since he often thought and talked nearly together or spoke with little thought. It was entertaining at times, but probably not advisable in this setting.

"Did you get enough to eat, Charlie?" I asked him.

"Your mother's quite the cook," he replied.

"She's amazing," I agreed.

How she managed to make this repulsive stuff without tasting it and they think it was good was beyond me. I thought about Bella and my future. I kept meaning to ask Esme to teach me some basic meals, so that I could cook for Bella on our honeymoon. The thought brought a smile to my face.

"Better warn Charlie," I breathed to Seth.

I felt like I had thrown Seth under the bus a little, on the other hand Charlie liked Seth.

"Hey, Charlie, some of the other guys are going to come over to see Bella."

"Just make sure they behave themselves," he said after a few seconds.

Seth and I chuckled while Esme's eyes shone in delight her mind swimming in images of us all the best of buds.

Charlie had no idea what an understatement that was.


	15. Jacob-Better Off Dead

Chapter 15: Jacob-Better Off Dead

* * *

I woke up later than usual to the smell of breakfast already cooling. Dad had given me the last of Doc's medication, which had made me sleep like the dead. I gingerly got out of bed expecting the same discomfort I had experienced yesterday, but it was barely noticeable. Maybe today would be the day that I got the all clear.

Coming out of my room I found my dad sitting at the table. I sat down and in no time at all had consumed all the remaining food that had remained. He had been lost in thought, but as I cleaned off the last morsel he seemingly awakened from his half-sleepy state.

"Sue and Seth are going to head to the hospital today," he uttered out of the blue.

"Will any of the bloodsuckers be there?" I had to ask.

"I don't know. I imagine Edward will be."

I started shaking in anger. Phasing in my dad's house was a bad idea; I needed to get this under control. It was so hard. Everything inside of me wanted to run to the hospital and spirit her away to somewhere safe from the vermin who wanted to take her away and make her into one of _them_. The vermin had claimed that she was going to _marry_ him. It would be better if she were dead. I had told her that one time and it had made her really upset. It was a rude thing to say, so I had apologised. Didn't change that it was true. It was beyond being unacceptable for sweet, kind, generous, loving Bella to be turned into a killer. I loved her, needed to protect her, and needed to keep her safe.

The image of my mother came to mind. If only I had been a wolf back then, I could have saved her, but fate was cruel. The Cullens hadn't moved here and triggered the wolf gene when it would have mattered, when it would have helped save my mother. They came too late. But it wouldn't be too late for Bella–a girl worth saving.

My hands began trembling even worse.

"Okay there, Jake?"

I took some deep breaths and pushed these thoughts from my mind focusing instead on the fight and how I had ripped arms and legs off of those leeches.

"Yeah, I got it, Dad."

He got that far away look again. Something must be eating him up today.

"You cool?" I asked him.

"Today's the anniversary of your mother's passing," he said choking up a bit.

That sure would explain why I had been thinking about her.

I just sat watching my dad. He had indicated some interest in Sue Clearwater spending more time over there than usual. Was it possible that he hadn't yet gotten over my mom? If Bella went ahead and became like them, would I ever get over it? I looked at my dad again. Was I looking at my future? Nah.

I was going to have a different fate than him. I was going to open a garage shop and have my own business. Bella was going to leave the vermin, we were going to get married, and have little Black/Swan combos running around. I was a wolf. I could protect Bella like when I had pulled her out of the ocean after she jumped off the cliff. My dad had never been a wolf. He could have never saved my mom. No, I decided firmly, I was not looking at my future.

He turned and looked at me. "Jake. I need to say something and you need to hear me." He took in a couple of deep breaths and our eyes locked together. "I was wrong." His face looked grave.

I wanted to ask what about, but the question posed too many opportunities for unwanted answers. So, I just sat and stared at him presuming that he would say what he was thinking eventually, but hoping he'd leave well enough alone.

He got a far away look in his eyes. "I remember being a young boy watching my grandfather shift into a wolf. He was a magnificent sight. Unlike you, I always knew that the stories of how the wolves protected the tribe were true. He had told me stories of enemies he had killed and things he saw on patrols and, of course, about the Cullens, the strangest creatures he had ever encountered. Sitting with him, listening to his stories, watching him shift I wanted nothing more than to be a protector. Every year as I got older, I hoped it would be the year that I would turn and become like my grandfather, but I never did. That wasn't meant to be my path. I met your mother and we became serious. It was when you were born that for the first time I wished that I didn't have Black blood in me, Black blood to hand down to you, Black blood that might call you to become a protector. I didn't want my grandfather's life for you and I began to see it as a curse. From adult eyes I began to see the sacrifices and the risks.

"Nevertheless, I would have given anything to be able to be a wolf when your mother died in the hopes that I could have saved her. I was so angry at the Great Spirit for taking her, but more for the cruelty of having a gene that never activated even when it would have mattered. I taught you the stories, but I also taught you my anger, which morphed to hate, loathing, and prejudice. Even though I knew my grandfather to a wise man who had led the tribe well and had made a treaty with the Cullens, I dared to believe that I knew better, convinced that he had been wrong and certain in my belief that he shouldn't have let them live.

"Yet today, on the anniversary of your mother's death, Dr. Carlisle Cullen, the very creature I have blamed and loathed, will cross into La Push for the sole purpose of coming to my house in order to help in the healing of my only son. Just a few days ago Edward Cullen crossed over the boundaries lines with him for the first time since the treaty was made in order to help Dr. Cullen set your bones so that you would heal correctly. Without them willing to do that you would have been permanently damaged for the rest of your life."

I started to object, to point out the flaw in his logic, but he gave me a look, which I knew meant I needed to shut up.

"You got hurt rather than dead because they chose to fight against their own kind in order to protect Isabella Swan, this town, and, by extension, this tribe. Even if the Cullens had never moved here, given the size of Seattle and how large populations attract their kind, there still would have been the likelihood that some passing red-eyed vampire would have come through our lands and attacked someone, possibly even Bella. By them being here Sam phased and then others before that first kill. As much as it has pained me with the possibility of you getting hurt, I'd rather see you hurt than dead." He paused a long time, but I knew better by the look on his face than to do anything but sit here and wait.

When he finally spoke again his tone was heavy. "And I was wrong. I was wrong about the Cullens. I was wrong to refute the wisdom of my grandfather. I can now see what Ephraim saw. He saw creatures that were different than their own kind. He saw that they did not kill and attack first without thought. I watch Dr. Cullen fight his nature to be kind, gentle, and _good_. All those years ago when they first encountered us they had the numbers. They could have killed the pack and then we would have never been born, but they didn't. Instead Dr. Cullen offered peace. Just a few days ago they could have left the town and the tribe defenceless, but they didn't. They could have stood and watched while the pack fought and possibly some die, but they didn't.

"In fact, they were planning on taking on all of those vampires by themselves because they believed that they had caused the problem and they felt a noble need to protect Bella and all the other humans in the area. They are not what I taught you. They're not perfect, and I disagree with them on a lot of points, but there are members of the council that I disagree with and are certainly not perfect. The Dr. Cullen is by no means a saint, but he isn't the devil's spawn either."

I started getting nervous. I didn't like how this conversation was going. He couldn't leave me out to dry now? Would he? Would he really take the side of the leeches? I felt as if I had been transported to the dark side of the moon. Perhaps apart from Sam, my father and I hated the stupid bloodsuckers the most. Others didn't trust them. Others were afraid of them, but not Dad and I. No, we hated them. They were the problem and they needed to go away. I couldn't argue with Dad that Doc was different. He did work at the hospital and he hadn't hurt anyone yet, but that didn't mean that we should give him and extension all of the Cullens a free pass. His "good behaviour" didn't mean they weren't the enemy, it just meant he was afraid to die by our teeth if he stepped over the line. It didn't mean we should give them an inch because one day they could make a mistake, and when they did someone would die.

He took another deep breath. "So starting today, in honour of your mother's passing, I want us to begin to let go of our prejudices and begin to see the Cullens for who they are: flawed creatures who are doing the best that they know to live honourably. And that's a lot more than I can say for a lot of humans."

He seemed like he was done.

I waited a bit more to make sure before I spoke. "But Dad, even if that were true, and I'm not saying it is, but even if there were an ounce of truth to that it doesn't negate the fact that when they make a mistake someone dies or that they are planning on killing Bella." The pain and torture of that possibility was written on my face.

"I thought that it was what Bella wanted." His voice was low and sad like he'd already lost her and had grieved her death.

"They're liars and cheaters. They are using their powers to dupe her and it's working because she's asking them to make her like them, to kill her."

"I thought you said that Edward left her last year because he didn't want Bella to become like them."

"But he came back." My voice was definitely louder than it should be in talking with my father.

"Was it not Bella's choice to go save him from death?"

"Yeah," I grumbled loudly. "He already had his claws into her too deep. Not to mention that he could have said, 'Thank you' and stayed away from her."

"Yes, he could have. They also could have run off together or faked her death or a thousand other possibilities, but they came back. He brought her back to her father. Or did I get the story wrong?"

I looked down at my hands. I felt tired. Was it possible that my dad was right? Was it possible that Bella wanted that life, to be a leech over me? No. That couldn't possibly be the case. She had kissed me. She loved me. My dad was wrong. They had him in their spell as well. I had to admit it; the leeches were pretty crafty. The whole doctor routine sure had buttered my dad up.

"We know that they have the power to stun their prey, to make humans unable to fight back. It's a trick!" I was all but growling at him.

"Jake." It sounded like a warning. "Let it go. Let her choose. It's her life."

"No! There's nothing worse than her becoming that vermin's pawn. Nothing worse than become the very creature I was designed to kill. Death would be better. It would be better if she went like mom and was in heaven. And certainly better than her becoming a newborn and me having to end her." My voice had risen in volume tremendously. "You're wrong. There is nothing worse that she could choose. I will let her choose, as long as it's not _that_. I want her to choose me. I want her to choose me." The last sentence came out with the pain that she might not, that despite our kiss there was still a chance that she would go back to the vermin. I was rocked by the intensity of my emotions.

My father just sat there watching me with love. This was all the leeches' fault. With their tricks and lies they had convinced my dad that they were friendly. I would just have to expose them for what they truly were starting with unconfusing Bella. I knew that the vermin would have reacted badly to our kiss. I just needed her to wake up and hear her tell me how the vermin finally let down his façade and showed his true face–the face of a killer. Because he was really no different than those red-eyed ones we tore to shreds. They were all bloodsuckers. Every single one, red eyes or golden, it didn't matter. It didn't change their nature.

The problem was figuring out how to expose them and then kill the vermin without hurting Bella because she cared for him and he cared for her in his limited cold-hearted way.

"Jake." It sounded like a firm warning. "Let it go. Please for my sake, for you mother's sake, let go of the hatred. See them as they truly are."

"I do," I answered darkly and stormed out of the room.

I went into my room and slammed the door. I flung myself onto my bed angry and hurt. How dare he say such things. How dare he!

I wasn't sure what happened, but next thing I knew I had woken up at the sound of a gentle knock that I instantly recognised from the last few days.

Dad wheeled over to open the door.

"Come in, Dr. Cullen."

"Thank you. You know that you're welcome to call me Carlisle?"

I heard nothing. After many long minutes my dad move the wheel chair out of the way, Doc move into the house slightly, and then Dad close the door. Many more long minutes passed.

"Would you mind … Carlisle …" he said the word like it was foreign matter that he nearly wanted to expel, "… if we chatted before you examine Jacob?"

"Certainly."

"Would you care to take a seat?"

"I am as comfortable standing as I am sitting. Generally I sit because it makes the humans around me more comfortable and out of habit. As it is your home, please inform me what would make you most comfortable."

There was a long stretch of silence.

"How about the living room? You can take the recliner."

Dad's wheels moved across the floor while the fabric on Doc rubbed together. Then there was the slightest sound of the recliner taking on weight.

"I need to say something, but first I need to know if it will stay between just us two."

Silence.

I paid even more attention curious of the answer since I had always imagined them like the pack–unable to keep things from one another.

"Honestly, Billy, given the gifts of my children it is very difficult to keep things from one another. I don't tell them about my work, but mostly because they're not interested. If they ask, I do not give specifics, keeping doctor/patient confidentiality as much if possible, but I would not lie. Then there is my wife. We do not have barriers between us."

"What about Edward? Can you keep certain information from him?"

"Certainly living with a telepath has given me great practice in controlling my thoughts. I would like to believe after more than eighty years that I do fairly well, and he is respectful of others' mental space often choosing to tune us out. On the other hand, nothing is guaranteed. I could not say in 50 years from now that I might remember this day in passing and he pick it up with his gift." His tone was serious and held a bit of a warning.

"And the seer?" Dad asked hesitantly.

"Alice generally doesn't see what I'm doing unless she's concerned for safety reasons and is searching my future. Otherwise, she only sees major events like Bella jumping off the cliff or Bella being hit by a deer, but like when Bella jumped off the cliff, she's not omnipotent. She believed Bella to be dead when she wasn't."

Silence.

"Thank you for your honesty." Dad took in a deep breath. "What I want to say is personal. In no way does what I have to say modify the treaty, your relationship with the tribe, or your responsibility to keep the others in line." This last sentence came out strong almost like a challenge. There was no response after a few moments. "It has nothing to do with the pack, the tribe, or my place on the council. As such, I expect that you will treat it as confidential." Then there was silence again.

I heard doc move, possibly nodding.

"In our tribe's traditions it is important that when someone's eyes are opened to see that they have chosen a less than helpful path, that they take responsibility to correct this misstep, and it is the tribe's job to adjust to this correction. Often this process contains within it an admission of wrongs by the individual and an acknowledgement of those wrongs by the tribe. Then all sides are encouraged to let go of the old and embrace the new." A few moments went by. I could hear my dad take a deep breath in.

I knew what would come next. I wanted to go out there and tell him to stop. I wanted to tell him that you can't make amends with your enemy. I wanted to tell him that the creature sitting in front of him was duping him into believing he was anything more than a bloodsucker, but I couldn't. It would go against our tradition to stop him. I would dishonour him by claiming that his eyes had not been opened. Even though that was what I believed, I could not humiliate him by publically proclaiming it. I loved my dad too much to do such a thing.

After a few moments I heard the doc say softly and gently, "Thank you for sharing with me this information about your traditions. I will attempt to do what you ask of me to the best of my ability."

He would be looking our tribe's enemy in the eyes. Another deep breath could be heard. "I strayed from the truth taught to my by my grandfather. I did not heed his words and in doing so sowed hatred and mistrust where none needed to exist. Out of pain and anger I blamed you for things in which you were blameless. In direct contradictions to my grandfather's wisdom I washed you with the same brush as the first killers to come into our lands. By not giving you a fair chance to prove yourself I dishonoured my grandfather's name, his word, and his belief in your desire for peace. My actions have not only impacted this tribe and the name Black, but you and yours."

Now my father would wait continuing to keep eye contact until the other spoke.

Doc took the same few minutes as before as if waiting to verify Dad had nothing more to say and then an infinitesimal longer amount of time.

I wondered if that meant that he had thought intensely about what to say in response.

"I am honoured by your words, William Black grandson of Ephraim Black. I found your grandfather to be wise, generous of spirit, and filled with immense courage, and I am grateful to find his grandson to be the same. Please know that I have never seen you as anything other than how I address and see you today. Your tribe is lucky to have you as they were your grandfather."

Wow. For a leech he did a fairly good job. Too bad it was all false, smoke and mirrors.

Traditionally my father should take his right arm and clasp it to Doc's right arm, but as Doc is a leech, I hoped he'd bypass that part.

I heard my father take in another deep inhalation. "Today is the anniversary of my wife's death. I wish to honour her memory in this way. I cannot promise that even with my eyes opened I will not slip into old habits at times. But I can promise at every opportunity I will do my best to honour her memory and my grandfather's in my thoughts, words, and deeds regarding my interactions with you and your … _family_."

"All have fallen short of the glory of God, William Black, I, perhaps, more so than most. All any of us can do is live the closest we are able and to manage for that day to be the creature our creator intended that we might be. I am humbled that you chose to allow me to bear witness to your own journey in this regard. I know you to be a man of your word. Therefore I honour the meaning and strength of character behind your statements. I thank you for your grace and courage. You truly live up to the name Black and I am privileged to have peace between our kinds."

Then I heard my father move in his chair and it sounded like he had grasped Doc's arm. The silence was short-lived this time.

"Let's go see if Jacob is awake." His tone was gruff. Then Dad's wheels were moving again.

When I had stormed out earlier I had failed to respect what my father had to say. In the moments that passed as they moved towards my door I felt ashamed that Doc had been able to hear and honour what my father had said when I had not. Then I remembered that that was because Doc was on the vermin's side trying to win us over so that they could commit a crime with our permission. Dad might have fallen for it, but I wouldn't.

My father knocked and then he opened the door.

"Hello, Jacob," Doc greeted me.

"Hey, Doc. Came to give me the all clear?" I asked begrudgingly.

I wanted to glare at my father, but I couldn't bear to do it.

"I hope so. How you feeling?"

"Sore, but good."

"Alright, lay down flat." I did as requested as he examined me. Then he asked me to take in a deep breath, then again.

"Looking good, Jacob. As such I was going to take the needle out of your arm. Is that okay with you?"

I'd almost forgotten it was there. "Sure, sure."

He held my arm and pulled it out before I could blink.

I rubbed where the tape had pulled my hair out. I wondered if I'd have a small bald patch somewhere on my fur.

"So, no phasing yet. Everything is good enough for regular life stuff, but no heavy exercising like running yet. You'll still need to take things easy, but I'd say by Sunday you should be back to 100%. I'd be happy to come back and give you a final exam then if you want, but it's up to you and your dad. Also, I have the cast for you."

I raised my eyebrow.

"It's out in the car. Let me be right back."

Dad nodded.

At a human pace he left my room, went out to his car, retrieved it, and came back in. He showed Dad and I how it worked.

Even I had to admit that it was pretty cool. It was in two pieces. One went over the arm and shoulder. The other piece went under the arm and around the front and back. You kept them together by these hook type things that were on the inside. I'd have to wear a shirt over it to hide the seams, though.

"Neat."

"Well, you have primarily Rosalie and Emmett to thank. They did most of the actual creation."

I thought. That was the blond leech, because the petite black hair one was Alice. Alice was the one that took Bella away from me and to the vermin so that Bella could save him. I think Jasper was the one that did the training, which would make Emmett the big one.

I looked at Dad. "Do I have to wear it?"

"Yes. Absolutely. You made way too much noise on your way in. People know that you're hurt. We have no way of explaining why you're healed so quickly."

I looked at Doc. "How long do humans usually take to heal?"

"Month or two. I figured you could get away with a month, since you're young."

"A month?" My mouth was wide open.

"Good thing you're a wolf," my dad said with a smirk.

"I have to wear this when I go out for a month?"

"At least." The Doc was firm his voice a mixture of his regular doc tone and a fatherly one.

I scrunched up my face in horror. This was going to suck!

Dad started moving out of the room and Doc followed.

"Thank you, . . . Carlisle. I appreciate what you've done."

"It's been my honour."

The door opened and then closed. I looked at the cast. It _was_ pretty cool. It was even kind of nice for them to make one that I could take off so I didn't have to wear a permanent one. It sure did seem like they were working pretty hard to win me over. But I was smarter than that. I saw their games. They were just operating in stealth mode, but as soon as we turned our backs, down we'd go. Well, I wasn't going to let that happen.

I would have a story about my deeds like my great-grandfather. Only my story would be about how I single-handedly, despite even my father caving to their deception, would expose them for the lying manipulative leeches that they were who wanted nothing more than to change one of the best amazing girls ever made into one of them. I would keep Dad's betrayal from the pack to save him from the disgrace while I found a way to expose them. That meant making sure I only thought about Bella or the fight when I was in wolf form.

The best way to expose them would be to tempt them with flowing blood, to force them to violate the treaty, but even I wasn't that low. I couldn't sacrifice someone's life like that, but there must be other ways. In the mean time I would really have to watch to make sure that Sam wasn't won to the dark side. It wasn't a solid plan yet, but it was the start of one. I might not have been able to save my mother, but I _would_ save Bella. I was stronger than my dad. They weren't going to win me over. With the doc clearing me I wanted to go see Bella, so I went to ask Dad if we could go visit her tomorrow.


	16. Bella-Phoenixes and Angels

Chapter 16: Bella-Phoenixes and Angels

This is a beach. My brain tells me that it could be First Beach, but it's like the puzzle game of 'What's missing in this picture?'. It isn't a terribly long beach. It curves in a U-shape. The left side of the U ends at cliffs, while the right side ends in trees. The beach isn't so much a sand beach as a pebble beach. Small pebbles give way to larger and larger pebbles as they came closer to the waves. Further away from the waves past the smallest pebbles are tall grasses bunched in groups of four to six with a few feet of sand till the next bunch.

Once again a transporter has moved me from one location to another. Focusing on what has happened before a tunnel, cave, Phoenix, and then a room with TV's comes to mind. Somehow this space feels more solid than any of the ones prior. There is also an awareness that I had decided to leave the room with the TV's, yet uncertainty about how that decision led me being at a beach. At the same time there is no doubt that I freed myself. How such of thing might have occurred was mysterious, except one aspect. It had been an act of will, and if I want to leave this place, then I would have to choose to free myself from here as well.

Before that choice is examined it seems prudent to explore this new space to see what might be learned from this location and if it contains any clues of how to control where my transportations take me seems wise. Two things are abundantly clear from the previous locations: the voices from before–the deep ocean voice, the musical angel whom I believe is my angel, and a third angel–and the pain in the centre of my chest. Phoenix had been no help with the pain. The TV room was worse. Hopefully here will hold an answer, maybe even a cure.

It is a cloudy day. It isn't heavy clouds or clouds upon clouds in all the stratospheres. It is lightly cloudy, so that a warm orange type glow radiates out from behind the clouds and adds some warmth. The temperature is not overly warm or cold. It's like that perfect temperature of warm.

In the distance there are two voices. The first to come in clearly is a voice that feels dependable and unchanging like the deep ocean voice; there are some slight differences between the sound of this voice and the deep ocean voice, but it would be the differences that come from having your ears deeply immersed in water in comparison to near the surface. The feelings created in me are the exact same. Thus, I determine that it comes from the same source as the deep ocean voice. The fact that the voice is coming in clearer fuels my belief that this location changed the clarity of how the voices sounds to me, but increased my hope that my decision to leave the T.V. room freed me in some way.

The second voice to come through is angelic. It reminds me of my musical angel from before, but this time the voice is a little clearer, like tuning into a radio station. This voice stirs my pain like strumming a violin filling my chest with vibrations I'd rather forget while at the same time it fills me with an urging to run towards it in order to save it from itself.

Almost the musical voice speaks the sounds of, "Don't worry. I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you," on the wind. But the words are not catchable enough to be certain. Despite my uncertainty a feeling of being reassured settles into my skin. The most surprising part of all is that my pain is gone, as if the voice holds my torment and my cure. One moment it was there. This voice arrived and like magic it's all but disappeared leaving only the memory of the pain.

It must be the same musical voice from before because it creates within me the same fire. Only this time the fire doesn't scare me. My body knows what to expect this time and instead of feeling like it's burning me, it feels like it's keeping me warm. There is also a sensation not much different from a current running through my body. The current makes me feel stronger. Something inside me assures me, yes, this is my angel.

Along with these two voices the beach itself gives its own unique tenor something akin to what the word home should mean. The feelings of contentment, satisfaction, and tranquillity are new and probably from the beach itself. These feelings create the temptation to stay in this space forever never leaving it. Finding a spot I settle down to contemplate what this space means, as well as why my angel would cause me such pain.

If he is _my_ angel, how could he leave me? Aren't angels required to keep tabs on their charges? These questions and more plague my brain, but then another side of me points out that he came back. He came back and the pain is gone. But the pain he caused me isn't something that is easily forgettable and in a quest for self-protection my mind ponders if he's trustworthy.

Why, if my angel is whispering on the wind, couldn't he come nearer? He could come, sit with me on the beach, and keep me company here. Maybe he is in heaven doing important jobs and he will come down and be with me as soon as he can. There is really no way to know for sure. The only certainty on my part is that it would be preferable for him to be here instead of wherever he is.

The waves come in and out, crashing one and then another onto the pebbles, soothing my worries and concerns.

Then there is a new angel's voice far away with my angel. This new angel's voice is like hugs and chocolate milk filling me with a sensation of being loved and wanted. It seems, if the wind is caring the tones well enough, that there is something about leaving and coming back.

"No!" I scream frozen in fear. "You can't leave me! Angel come back!"

But then the angels are gone. My body stays there on the beach frozen uncertain of what to do when the safe dependable voice can be heard. This voice is trustworthy. It had been with me since the ocean. It was safe. It will keep me safe.

Quite a bit of time passes while the waves come in and out calming me until eventually new voices could be heard. There is a familiarity to the voices, but no comfort. It reminds me of blue jays jabbering away. However, when my head turns towards the direction of the voices, they aren't blue jays at all. They are two Phoenixes standing behind me in the grasses. My brain tells me that Phoenixes are mythical, but for some reason their form is a good match to their voices. Unfortunately, nothing of what they are saying comes through as understandable.

My angel's voice returns and the new angel, but nothing new appears. Relief fills me. He left, but said he would come back, and he did. Even if he can't be trusted to leave, perhaps he can be trusted to come back. He might not be able to stay with me, but he does return. Rationally it appears to be a reasonable expectation from an angel, but deep inside of me it is not enough. I want to be able to hold onto the angel and him never leave. My wantings are impossible, but still my desire remains.

After a while, one of the birds flies away. The remaining bird seems to be talking to my angel. Why can my angel understand the bird, but not me? Maybe there's an error in my prayers in how they are said or the words chosen?

Then four more birds show up along with another voice that would almost be an angel if it weren't so baritone. Although my mouth opens and words come out, they cannot seem to hear me. After a while I stop my attempts at communications and just sit enjoying listening to the symphony of all the voices. There are so many it's a party.

After a little while another angel voice is added. This one brought excitement and happiness, which stirs in me a desire to jump and be silly with her, but it's just a feeling. She wouldn't be able to see me anyway. It's like being in a room with a one-way mirror where my side can see and hear all of them, but my side is hidden.

Although my side being hidden is sad, the sound being added to the crowd is enjoyable. Just when the noise is perhaps a bit too much with five birds, four angels, and the safe voice two more birds are added. Perhaps they didn't know how loud they are being and a complaint wouldn't be out of order, but it is oddly comforting after having no company for so long.

So, sitting and listening my ears attempt to understand the bird chatter, but are unable to decipher the words. It is kind of like my angel's whispers on the wind, but with words unfamiliar to me and at speeds that are just that little bit too quick for me to grab like chasing after a rabbit. More than anything, though, the strangest part is when the birds and angels talk to each other. It seems unnatural.

No one, since my angel wind whisperings pleading with me to come back to him, has talked to me, only around me as if they can't see me. Despite my desire to know why they are here, why they are talking to one another, and to ask my angel why he isn't talking to me anymore, it is fruitless. No matter what, they can't hear me.

So, instead of talking, my focus goes to listening. After a while the noise is comforting, even if it isn't understandable. It feels like being in the centre of a circle with the birds behind me and the angels in front of me. Through and through down to my bones this is where I belong. This is my space–in between these two types of beings.

Perhaps my presence had brought them together because otherwise my mind can't conjure how phoenixes and angels could coexist naturally. No. They would have needed an intermediary between them, at least in the beginning. The thought brings a smile to my face. And even though the idea is a flight of fancy, I decide to believe that my presence has something to do with them being together.

Sadly four of the birds fly off with the baritone angel. Not much later the two female angels and one bird leave. Right before they did so, the angel that reminded me of hugs and hot chocolate must have drawn nearer to me because there is a faint voice saying, "We love you, Bella. You are already my daughter." Then it grew louder as if she were speaking right next to me even though no one was there. "We need you sweetness. Hurry back to us." Then she was gone.

Joy fills me like the waves of the beach bringing me to a place of jubilation. This angel loves me! She said that she loves me, that I am her daughter. The sense of belonging that was so beyond me that it wasn't even in my awareness is filled. As peace and contentment settle into my being my mind repeats her words and wonders if I am an angel too.

She said to hurry back. That didn't make sense. This was the beach. The phoenixes and angels were the ones that came to me. They didn't tell me how to get to them. Perhaps there is a way to leave my beach and search for a way to follow them. This place feels like home and consequently creates a hesitancy to leave it. The last two times a new location came of its own accord. Perhaps that will happen again taking me closer to where they dwell. The mother angel's words had been a blessing due to the message she spoke, but also because they were the first words to come through with absolute clarity.

After a while the last two birds leave. An angel speaks. It might have been my angel, but the words fly past me too fast for me to hold on to. There might have been something about being back tomorrow. He needs to slow down, to speak clearly, to talk as the mother angel had if he wants me to hear him, but he is already gone.

Hopefully he did say that he would be back tomorrow. He had said earlier when the mothering angel had first shown up that they would be back. They left and then came again. What is a tomorrow? How could it be measured? How would tomorrow let me know it had arrived? Why did he have to leave me in the first place? Why couldn't he have just stayed?

The answer is obvious as soon as it came to me: I am not an angel. I am a mere mortal and mortals like me could never hold onto an angel. He would obviously have other charges. The mothering angel said I was her daughter because she loves me like a daughter, but I am not like her or the other angels. I am not special in any way. That thought brings tears to my eyes, but what the mother angel had said comforts me. I wish I could be an angel like them, but at least she loves me and wants me despite my inferior state. Holding onto the mother angel's words my eyes watch the waves crash onto the shore.

The sun has never moved. That seems odd in a way that my mind cannot really name. Aren't suns supposed to move across the sky? It seems like they are. Then, why doesn't the one here move like that?

Neither the sun nor I have moved when that voice that felt dependable and reliable can be heard. His voice is like a whisper carried on the wind, but it isn't fast, so straining to really listen his words can be barely grasped. He says the word "Bells" and a sense of familiarity comes to me. That's me. The mother angel had called me Bella. Bells strikes me as funny as an image of myself as a bell in a steeple close to the angels comes to mind.

He talks about how amazed at me he is. He talks about how the hospital staff members are bound to gossip about how I got the Quileutes to breach the doors of the hospital. He talks about how amazing it is that the Quileutes and the Cullens were in the room together after so many years of unfair prejudges on the side of the Quileutes. He talks about how proud of me he is.

It was nice to know that my belief that my presence had brought two groups together had been correct. He used the names Quileutes and Cullens. Maybe they were my phoenixes and angels, but if that were true, which was which? He had given me no clues my which to find the answer to that question. Perhaps with time he would reveal more. He adds how every nurse that came in couldn't get over seeing the Quileutes.

"They sure are big fellows," he says with a laugh. "You should have seen the look on Dr. Whitaker's face," there seems to be a smile with those words.

It is irritating to have him talk about people and things that are unfamiliar to me. It is confusing and hurtful.

"Considering the company you keep, it's surprising you haven't seen the inside of a hospital more often." There is unspoken sadness in his voice.

He keeps talking about a hospital. His words make it sound like that's my location, but that couldn't be true because I am clearly located on the beach.

He says more about someone named Sue and how things are going with her and her kids. Somewhere in there he says, "It was good to see Edward and Seth getting along. They seemed like buds."

When he says the name Edward something awakens in me, a sense of familiarity almost as strong as my own name. Edward. What did that name mean to me? There are no answers, but it is really the first thing that he said that resonated with me in any way.

"Talked with Billy today. Seems like Jake's doing better. Billy says that he's well enough to leave the house, although he'll be in a cast. I told you those motorcycles were dangerous. They hope to visit tomorrow."

None of those words make sense to me except Jake and Billy. Something inside of me knew the name Jake. His name feels like being warmed by the sun, sweet and welcoming. The name Billy also means something, but it is nebulous. There is that word tomorrow again. Still no answers about when that would be.

He talks some about things that are confusing. It might have been about something referring to work, because that word came up a few times. Then there is a long time when his voice is gone. When he spoke again it was deeper, heavier somehow.

"Esme was right, Bells. We do need you. All of us. Come back to us as soon as you can. We miss you."

Pondering these last words brings with it more confusion. He said Esme was right. Is it possible that Esme is the name for the mother angel? Moving the word around in my head that feels correct. Yes, Esme said that she loved me and that I was her daughter. When he said that they all needed me, did he mean the phoenixes and the angels? How that could be true, even though he said it earnestly. What that could mean?

"Even the big burly one … Emmett seemed to look at you like a little sister. It was obvious that he cares for you. And of course Alice. You know already know how much I think of Alice." Then nothing.

Who are Emmett and Alice? The words are familiar, but nothing attaches to them. Nothing that make them real. Could they be angels?

"You know I'm still upset at how Edward treated you and that I think you shouldn't have rushed back into things with him, but I can't fault his family for how they care about you. We all love you, and we're all here waiting for you to come back to us."

What could that mean? Would he say more? I want him to explain to me what he meant. Did this voice know about the pain my angel had given to me upon his departure? Esme is an angel. Using that as an anchor point, it made sense then that Emmett, Alice, and Edward are also angels since he said their names like they belonged together. Emmett must be the one with the baritone voice and Alice the one that was full of energy. But were they Cullens or Quileutes? There was no way to know.

The way he talked reminded me of Romeo's and Juliet's families. It seems like I am neither–not a phoenix or an angel, not a mystical creature of any sort, but had brought them together and they loved me. Being mystical as well is a glorious thought–a thought that gave me strength and encouraged me.

Is there a way so that they all could hear and see me? If an answer exists, it has not come to me and none of them have told it to me. The beach isn't a terrible place to be. The only true downside is that they have to come to me. And with that thought my eyes wonder back to watching the waves come in and out contemplating if I should decide to follow his and the mothering angel's request and go back to them somehow, even though neither ever gave me instructions of how to do so. The same feeling of determination that was there in the TV room fills me: no one is going to rescue me. It's my choice to stay or to go. In the TV room my decision to go was mostly in response to feeling trapped. Here I'm not trapped, so instead the option is to run towards rather than away. The greatest motivator to run towards something is the mothering angel. But do I want to?

* * *

 _A/N: And thus ends the fourth round of povs. Again, if you need any clarity on Bella's pov, please don't hesitate to reach out to me. As always much thanks for reading and leaving your thoughts. I appreciate the opportunity to grow as a writer. Now back to Alice ...  
_


	17. Alice–Close Enough?

Chapter 17: Alice–Close Enough?

* * *

After Edward had left for the hospital, I had grabbed Jazz's hand and led him to our bedroom placing him where I had stood to analyze my drawings. Asking him to wait there, I retrieved them from their hiding place and laid them out in a storyboard fashion while watching his expression. First he seemed to take them in as a whole, and then one by one he closely examined each scene. At each drawing his face shifted reflecting the thoughts his mind turned over. Eventually he looked up and found my eyes from across the bed.

"You drew wolves."

"They were in the second one," I explained softly.

"Do they show when you search?" His question was curious, but with a touch of concern.

"No," I answered as my face fell. "They still blimp the future out of existence."

He nodded like he expected my answer as well as my disappointment.

I summoned my courage to say out loud the thought that had been unable to leave me since I had placed them out a little more than fifteen hours ago. "Jazz, I'm beginning to wonder if I understood the message of my visions wrong. What if you were right and we should have staged Bella's death and changed her ages ago? What if seeing the past in my visions is a warning?" I was unable to take my eyes off the storyboard too timid to hear his answer.

"There's no reason to feel timid, June bug. It's tolerable if you're wrong. It's tolerable if I'm wrong. We're learning. I'm not upset."

"What if I was wrong all this time and you could have saved us all this trouble?" I whispered solemnly.

He waited until my eyes met his once again. "If we had done that, what would climate would our family have been in?"

"I don't know anymore, but it seems like surely it would have been better than the last year."

My proclamation hung heavy between us.

He looked grave. "You know I was in a rush because I was afraid of the Volturi. I didn't want you on their radar. I wasn't thinking much of Edward and nothing of Bella. Edward was in such a refusal to acknowledge his feelings. Despite his rhetoric and speeches he wanted her and was mated to her. That was enough for me to go again his words. And now I care about her. I'm doubtful that it would have been better to snatch her in the middle of the night because we could, change her against her will, and then force her to adjust."

I smiled. "Has Carlisle gotten to you?" My eyes twinkled.

"Bella," he answered sombrely. "But, I still think once she knew about us and chose, chose Edward, she should have been changed then."

"I'm beginning to wonder if these new types of visions are trying to tell me something like that."

He nodded slowly. Suddenly his eyes told me that he was thinking about something else. Crossing the room I covered his hands with mine.

"Last night?"

"Last night."

Minutes passed in silence while he sorted through his emotions.

"Whatever it is that you're still holding, let it go, Major. It's over."

"There was a lot of darkness in that house, June bug. I haven't felt that way, well …"

"Either way it's in the past now."

Wrapping my arms around him I held him like when he had first started being vegetarian repeating the same things I told him back then. We stayed like that for a long time him working through whatever he had picked up.

He was close to being the Jazz I knew again when he whispered so quietly I had to replay it internally to make sure I had heard him correctly.

"I almost slipped again. Her blood was flowing and I needed her torment to end."

I whispered back, "Are you telling me Major Whitlock that your gift fuelled you desire for her blood … because you felt _compassion_ for her suffering?"

He pondered my statement. "Yes, ma'am," he breathed hesitantly.

"I don't remember you ever telling me that's happened before."

"First time."

I thought about that. "What does that mean, Jazz?" I asked finally.

"I don't know, June bug. I don't know."

"You have nervousness coming off you."

"I'm sure glad I didn't take that girl cause right before Ed grabbed me she felt peaceful. I was able to fight it better then. I just don't want to have it happen again. It takes too much to come clean. I've been making real progress since Bella's birthday."

"What's the chance of blood running and those emotions combining together again?"

"I hear you, June bug. I just don't want to be taking any steps backwards."

"We'll face it together."

"Together," he agreed as he placed his forehead against mine.

I tried to fill myself with how impressed I was of him and how proud.

"Thank you," he whispered before he moved away from me so that he could look into my eyes.

The rest of the house began to enter into my awareness. Esme had left already and Emmett wasn't here either. I checked the future. Yes, I should go soon to make the ideal window.

"Antsy, June bug?" he asked with a smile teasing me.

"I need to head to the hospital soon. I was hoping you could give me a ride on the bike."

"I'd be honoured." He paused. I waited for him to pull together what he wanted to say. "Can we leave these out? I want to keep working on it."

"Yes. Edward will come home after Emmett and Esme and I, so you have till then."

"Sure thing." Then he kissed me in the way that told me that he has righted himself again.

I took a few moments to check my appearance in the mirror making sure to look as human as possible before we headed out.

He dropped me a few blocks from the hospital and then high tailed it back home.

Walking into Bella's room I found the scene similar to my vision but not exact. Five wolves were there in their human form as well as Edward, Emmett, and Esme. Someone who looked like to be the mother of one of the younger boys had been in my vision, but wasn't in this grouping. Charlie was right next to Bella both in my vision and in what was in front of me. Esme was chatting with him while all the boys were engrossed in car talk, something about the greatest car ever made or what not. Edward naturally was trying to convince them that the car he had sat in our garage topped them all.

Perhaps the specifics didn't matter, like whether Jazz's jacket was buttoned or not when we met. Hopefully we just needed it to be close enough.

Edward looked at me quizzically probably wanting to know why I had imagined the diner when walking in.

 _We talked about last night with the girl. I've been thinking about how much he's changed._

He nodded the smallest amount and immediately went back to the conversation.

The boys had all paused, turned and looked at me, and then turned back to the conversation. If it weren't for the stench, you wouldn't even know that they were genetically engineered to kill us.

Going over to Esme I kissed her on the cheek while murmuring into her ear in our quick sub-human speech hopefully too quietly for the pups, "You need to excuse yourself and find Carlisle to tell him that the hospital gossip is ripe. He needs to work his magic to get Dr. Whitaker to come visit in the next forty-two minutes. After that we lose our window."

Because then, according to my gift, Dr. Whitaker was planning to go home.

I pulled back and let her know, "Jasper dropped me off, Mom. I was hoping you would let me catch a ride home with you."

"I've got to drop off Seth first."

"No problem." I smiled my thank you for filling me in because the stupid wolves block my visions smile.

She just tapped me lightly like how she had the first time we talked about the holes in my visions. She had said that having situations where I didn't rely on my visions so much was a welcomed gift and it would allow me to practice blending in more intuitively. Then she had added how new experiences are a blessed gift for our kind. I had internally groaned at her knowing that she had a point. One I didn't want to admit to.

I didn't remember what my human mom was like, but hopefully she would have been like Esme because I couldn't imagine anyone better.

Esme shifted a little giving me more room. "Charlie was just telling me about some of the things Bella tried to pull when she was younger."

I smiled encouragingly. "Please continue. I can't wait to hear about younger Bella."

Charlie was a few sentenced into saying something about taking Bella fishing on one of her summer visits when Esme interrupted him.

"Actually, Charlie, if you don't mind, I just remembered something important that I need to tell Carlisle, but as soon as I catch him, I'll be back."

"Of course, Esme," he told her then he turned to me resuming where he left off.

Esme walked off. She'd find Carlisle easy enough; she was his wife after all.

A few minutes after Esme left I internally yelled at my brother. _Edward!_

He looked at me sourly.

 _Making sure I had your attention, that's all._ I would have stuck out my tongue at him, but then Charlie was right next to me. Instead I imagined myself doing so. _Dr. Whitaker should be making an appearance. There's no decision yet, but the best chances are in the next twenty minutes. So, when you can, please change the conversation to stories about Bella. Did Emmett get a warning about what he can say?_

He nodded one of his nearly invisible as if it was a part of the conversation movements of acknowledgment.

Then he must have decided something because a vision appeared of him telling me, "Yes, both Esme and Carlisle warned Emmett about what he can say today. I'll monitor him anyway."

 _Okay, thanks for letting me know._

At a nice pause in the conversation, Edward interjected. "You must have some great stories about Bella that we don't know, especially from when we were gone."

Pain and grimace shot across Edward's face. I was unsure if the wolves' heightened capacities allowed them to be quick enough to catch his expressions, but certainly Charlie would have missed them.

The one Edward had referred to as Seth started. I had known that the wolf that had helped Edward during the battle was named Seth, but this was the first time I had seen him in human form. He was the most comfortable around Edward presumably they had bonded over protecting Bella together.

"Hey Emery, you remember how mad you were when you found out that Bella knew the gang's secret …" he looked sideways as Charlie "… code before you did because Jacob had spilled the beans even though he wasn't supposed to?" Seth said easily.

The same memory must have flashed through each of their memories because they all started laughing together. It was eerie.

Then in typical teenage boy fashion Emery defended himself. "She's the only non-tribal member allowed … in Jacob's garage. She certainly shouldn't have known before me."

"You should blame Jacob, not Bella," one of the youngest ones argued while Esme came back and stood next to me. "It seems to me that Jacob does a lot that he shouldn't."

Seth and the one named Quil looked at him doubtfully.

Watching Edward, as his facial expression would tell me when the doctor was near, I decided that the scene would look better if I stood on the other side of the bed closer to the wolves.

Emmett was in the corner in the seat my visions had shown that Edward usually sat in.

Edward was in the centre of the Quileutes near the food, which set me to the other side in comparison to Emmett, but not too much so, and made one of his invisible head movements letting me know that he was in agreement.

"You can't tell me that Jacob isn't at fault for a number of things. Bella knowing, one. Bella's broken hand, two."

Edward winked at me. The approaching gait must have been one Dr. Whitaker.

"Him getting hurt, three," the young one continued.

"That wasn't his fault. Come on everyone knows Leah should shoulder some blame there."

"Okay, then, Bella cliff jumping, four."

Right at that moment everyone turned to look at the new person who had just walked into the door because he had frozen in place and had his jaw open.

The young one looked around nervously probably hoping that he hadn't said too much.

The doctor looked carefully around at us starting at Emmett, then round to the five over six foot tall wide muscled Quileutes with Edward looking hidden behind them, Edward scrunched himself for added affect, then me a few feet to their right next to Bella, then on the other side of Bella, Esme and Charlie. Despite my sincerest efforts to imagine what human eyes would see, I couldn't. Edward tried to smother a grin. That had to be a good sign.

Finally the doctor gathered his composure. "Dr. Whitaker. I'm Bella's attending physician."

"So, when she's going to wake up, Doc? She owes Jacob a good punch again for being such an idiot." Quil frowned. "Maybe not, now that I think about it. The last time she nearly broke her hand." Then he turned. "Charlie, why didn't you teach Bella to throw a proper punch? Then maybe she wouldn't have gotten so hurt."

Now it was my turn to hide a smile. Quil earned a medal. Charlie stuttered and sputtered. "Guess I should now." He looked at Bella. "Well, after her hand heals."

Dr. Whitaker tried to smile reassuringly. "We're beginning to wean her off the medication keeping her sedated, and will hopefully have her off it completely tomorrow. After that it's up to her."

"She's got to be tough," Emmett added seeming liking the game of freaking out the doctor, "to be hanging out with me. She can't win in an arm wrestling match to save her life." He looked thoughtful. "She does trip over her feet a lot though."

"Okay, I'll give you her clumsiness, but you got to agree Bella cliff jumping was Jacob's fault," the young one jumped back in.

"The motorcycle was cool though," Emery added. "Jacob did a knock up job fixing it up for her."

"Bella paid for Jacob to fix them. That couldn't possibly be Jacob's fault."

"The meadow was totally her fault. No one can fault Jacob's for that one."

"Yeah," all the wolves seemed to agree.

"What was she doing there all by herself anyway? Seems like a stupid move to me."

"Didn't Jacob … um … say something about them searching for it together, but he was otherwise occupied and couldn't take her?"

About half way through the sentence Dr. Whitaker started walking out.

Edward looked like he'd gone five rounds with Jasper and lost every one.

"Yeah, think so," Seth agreed. "She should know better than to be in the forest alone."

"Okay. We give her that one, but that still leaves cliff jumping in Jacob's column," one of the younger ones said.

"Nah, she jumped before he got there. She could have waited," Quil argued.

"He shouldn't agreed to take her in the first place," Emmett put in. "She's too small to be fighting those currents." He looked sick like when he eats human food on a dare or when Esme's punishing him.

"Not to mention the rocks," I couldn't help but add while the vision of what I had seen that day flashed through my mind.

 _Sorry,_ I told Edward. That was a difficult image for him.

He looked at me and nodded accepting my apology.

"Okay, fine," the younger one grumbled. "Even if you say she should have waited for him, certainly him taking her out on the bikes without a helmet was his fault."

All the wolves nodded their heads in agreement.

"Did she do any other reckless things while we were away?" Emmett asked encouragingly.

Edward tried to hide the fact that he wanted to tear Emmett apart.

All of them seemed to be lost in thought. Edward cringed right before Quil said, "What about when she came over to tell Jacob she'd figured out his secret code and Paul got so mad that he lunged at her?"

Emmett's eyes grew bigger and the wolves smiles grew.

"Did he get close to her?" Emmett asked curiously.

"Nah," Seth put in. "Jacob stopped Paul in time. No one was hurt. Jacob's made sure she's stayed safe."

"Except the meadow and the motorcycle and cliff jumping," one of the young ones said a smile across his face.

"Ah come on, we've already been over this," the rest of them put in.

Right then Dr. Whitaker came out of the next room when Esme scolded them all in her motherly voice. "No more fighting boys."

Esme was right. It certainly wouldn't help our cause if tempers got anywhere above playful banter and teasing which was where it had been so far.

"Yes, Mom," Emmett and Edward said immediately with smiles on their faces.

The five boys all muttered uncomfortable variations of agreement.

Then Esme told the story about the first time Bella had heard Edward play the piano.

The Quileute boys were looking sideways between Esme and Edward. Finally Quil asked, "Do you really play, Edward?"

"Yes. I really do. I was taking lessons before my birth parents died. It took a long time before I wanted to play again, but I do now."

"For Bella," Emmett pointed out.

Edward scowled at him.

"Come on, bro, how many songs have you composed for her now?" Emmett added purposefully enjoying this embarrassing Edward in front of the pack.

Edward managed to growl only in his chest and glare at his brother. The pack attempted to hide their snickers.

"A few," Edward admitted.

"A few," Emmett stated formally like they were negotiating. "I think you might be underestimating, brother," Emmett continued seriously.

Edward just glared.

Esme looked at them sternly. "Emmett, please. This isn't the time or place." Her eyes couldn't hide her mirth.

"Come on, mom," he whined, "I'm making friends."

She shook her head as if we were all just human teenagers rather than mortal enemies on our absolute best behaviour.

I have to give Emmett points for relaxing the pack though. They all looked at Emmett empathetically like I know, man, moms suck sometimes. I had to stop myself from giggling. He sure had a gift for lightening the mood.

"Not now," Esme stated with minor sternness.

Charlie smiled knowingly.

"Fine, mom," Emmett huffed.

Edward looked like he needed rescuing, so I told a story about taking Bella shopping, how she resisted me getting her anything new, and sometimes didn't even wear stuff I had bought her.

The boys looked at me blankly and Charlie just shook his head.

I was close to the end of my story when Sam and a woman walked in. They both froze and the Quileute boys looked guilty. The only sound was Bella's machines, the wolves heat beats, and the three human's heart beats and breathing.

Sam looked at the five wolves carefully. Then he looked over at Esme and Charlie. "Emily here wanted to come by and see Bella. We miss having her out," he said to Charlie. He looked like he was weighing something. "Emily this is Bella's father, Charlie, Dr. Carlisle Cullen's wife, Esme Cullen, and Alice Cullen, Edward Cullen, and Emmett Cullen."

"Nice to meet you Emily," Esme replied sweetly. "I made food for everyone, but the boys might have polished it off already."

Emily smiled nervously. "Yeah, I have a hard time keeping them fed when they're at ours."

"I would imagine so. Please join us. We were telling Bella stories." She looked at Emmett sternly and then down to the chair.

Emmett slid the chair out slowly towards Sam. "For Emily."

"Thanks," Sam said not able to look at Emmett.

Quil and one of the younger boys got some food and plastic utensils and handed it over to Sam and Emily. They started eating and the tension decreased.

"Remember the time that she came to a camp fire and she kept joking about how much we ate?" Seth asked as if Sam and Emily had never came in.

"She was always acting like we weren't going through some major growing."

"Yeah, it's weird how she was always good around us, but would get bothered by the smallest things like wrestling. Girl's an oddball I'll give you that."

"Maybe, but motorcycles and cliff jumping isn't that odd."

"Not when you're us, but she's like half our size and trying to keep up with us."

"I still say it's Jacob's fault. He encouraged her too much."

Sam looked at each of the wolves questioningly.

"We were naming all the things Bella did that were dangerous and trying to decide if it was her fault of Jacob's that she got hurt," Emmett explained.

"I see," Sam said.

Emily tried to hide a smirk.

The boys kept at it about Bella until there was some sort of consensus. Sam and Emily stayed out of it as did Edward and myself. Emmett would add his two cents and crack jokes.

By the time Dr. Whitaker had finished the rounds on the floor Sam and Emily were a little more relaxed. Emily had even added a few words about how good of a cook Bella was. Dr. Whitaker walked past the room one more time stealing a look in the room as he did. Adding another huge Quileute to the circle couldn't hurt Esme's plan. Checking the future with so many wolves around was fruitless. Esme's gentle encouragement came to mind. Esme checked on Charlie time to time, but he seemed relatively calm around us. I would have liked to go over and talk to Emily, but she seemed weary, so I stayed rooted in my spot.

Unsurprisingly after reaching a consensus about Bella and Jacob the boys started back trying to agree on the best car ever made. Not long after Dr. Whitaker had most likely gone home for the day one of the wolves, Emery, sheepishly mentioned that he needed to get home, not to mention that they had been close to a general agreement about the cars.

"No problem. I should get back, anyway. I'll drive you," Emmett offered. Quil, Emery, and the two youngest ones started to move.

Sam was shocked. He looked at them, then at Charlie. "Thank your parents for me that they gave you permission to come and visit Bella today," he said as he looked at each of them in the eye.

Emery and the young one who hadn't spoken much blanched a little. "Of course, Sam," they all eventually said to him a little too evenly.

About ten minutes later I was itching to get out of the hospital and back to Jazz. My good deed for the day was complete.

"Esme, we should get going soon," I warned her. She looked at me knowingly. She looked down at Bella and got near her ear and said in a slow whisper, "We love you Bella. You are already my daughter." Then she spoke slightly louder and added, "We need you sweetness. Hurry back to us."

She turned to Sam. "I promised Sue that I would get Seth home. Is that all right with you?"

Sam pondered her words and perhaps that the odds were against Seth. He looked at Seth. "You want a ride back with us?"

Seth looked at Esme and I. "Nah, I'll take the ride with the old lady. I'll be fine."

Sam looked like he was going to say something else, but then didn't.

In a fine human pace Esme and I gathered up her things, handed Seth the dishes, and grabbed the rest. "Nice seeing you again, Sam. It was an honour to meet you Emily," Esme said right as we passed them.

"Thank you for feeding the boys, Esme," Emily stated at we walked out the door.

"You're welcome," Esme said back. I didn't know if Emily could hear her. Certainly Sam would have been able to.

"Feeding others brings her joy as she loves cooking," Edward explained.

"I love cooking as well," Emily said.

"Still was thoughtful of her," Charlie piped in.

"Yeah, Esme's very thoughtful. I'm lucky to have her as my second mom."

Esme smiled and probably sent Edward a thank you telepathically.

"Edward's right, though, Mom. You're incredible. I don't know how you make it so it tastes good. Smells repulsive to me."

"Really?" asked Seth seemingly genuinely curious.

"Yeah. Anything in its natural state smells fine, but once you kill it all I can smell is its decomposition. It's gross."

"Alice," Esme warned.

"Sorry," I said.

"We can talk about it in the car," she pointed out.

"Sorry, Esme," Seth added.

"It's all right, Seth, but Alice should know better."

I looked back at Seth as he was a step behind us and his eyes twinkled like any little brother who just got his sister in trouble and himself off the hook.

"How do you do it Esme?" Seth asked once we were in the car.

"Smell. Yes, it does smell like it's decomposing, but under that are unique smells. I follow a recipe and once I've made it and Bella tells me it tastes good I know how to repeat it."

"So, can you make that again?"

"If you want Seth. If I did would you mom allow you to have it?"

"Um. Can't see why not. Since Dad died she's working a lot. It would be nice if she didn't have to cook on occasion."

"In that case I will make them once Bella is awake so that she can transport them to you."

"Brill. You're the best mom vamp I know. Thanks!"

"You're welcome," Esme told him smiling as he rushed off into the woods.

We had dropped Seth off exactly where he asked to be.

Esme turned towards our home.

"Esme, can you pull over for a moment?" I asked her once we had travelled a few miles. "I want to say something without everyone else around, but you have to keep it from Edward for now."

She pulled over and looked at me. "Nothing can be kept from Edward in the long run, Alice."

"I understand that."

"Go ahead, then," she told me.

"I've had two visions that have done wonky things. My working hypothesis is that my visions are trying to tell me that Edward is in the process of making another major decision that will affect us all. We should have never left Bella. We should have changed her when she first made the decision. I don't believe Edward can be trusted when it comes to these matters. He reacts too immaturely and ego-centric at times."

"Like a 17-year-old turn-of-the-century spoiled only child boy?" Esme's eyes twinkled.

I smiled back. "Yes. Something like that. I think we need to take matters into our own hands. I'm not sure, but I think tonight might be pivotal. It'll be his third night away from her and the first without something major to distract him. Not to mention that every scenario I tried and every possible future I've searched out doesn't end well if Edward tries to sneak in. I'm not sure exactly why but in nearly every outcome Charlie eventually confronts Edward about it, which tips the scales against us. There are too many variables that my gift is not catching and I can't account for them all. On top of that, I haven't yet found a way to get rid of Charlie either. He's a stubborn as a mule. If I find a way to get Edward to Bella, I'll let you know immediately, but for now I need your help in getting Edward through till the sunrise."

"Is this what has been weighing on you?"

"Yes."

She looked really concerned, but nodded in affirmation.

"Maybe it'll be life affirming," I added.

She started up the car and we rode the rest of the time in silence. Hopefully even though the hospital scene wasn't exactly the same as my picture on my floor it was good enough.

Jasper was still looking at my drawings when I found him in our room.

It took him a full .78 seconds to look up at me.

"How was the hospital?"

"We were able to coordinate Esme's plan, but it deviated from the vision."

"Was it close enough?"

"We shall see. How was your time?"

"There really is something here, June bug."

"Really?!" I was excreting excitement.

He lowered his voice so that the sound would never carry outside of my ears. "Something major is going to happen again."

My eyes grew wide. What did he see? I thought the major thing had already happened and the only issue was making sure Edward didn't do something stupid.

"See, it doesn't show Bella moving here; it shows Edward almost killing her. It doesn't show Edward saving her; it shows her in the hospital. It doesn't show the baseball game; it shows the dance studio and then her in the hospital recovering."

"What about the party? Certainly Italy trumps."

"Not emotionally to what it did to this family. Each of these moments changed the emotional atmosphere of the family dramatically and irrevocably up to this one, pointing to the deer collision. I would guess that this–her waking up–is going to be another major shift."

Taking in his words I tried to reconcile it with my hypothesis.

"Any guesses?" Having a nagging feeling I checked the future. "Edward will be leaving the hospital in less than ten minutes."

"Nothing firm yet. Let's shelve this and focus on more immediate issues."

"Like how Edward might not make it through tonight without our intervention?" I smiled slyly.

"No, like how your blouse has too many buttons."

"Well, actually is had just the right amount because it comes from Paris and right now –"

He was kissing me like a lover who missed me. They were a really good kind of kisses. Kissing him back I finished my shelving before my gorgeous husband distracted me too much and hoped that Esme would come up with something to occupy Edward tonight until we resurfaced. But right now what mattered more than anything was getting reacquainted with my husband. I had missed him terribly.

* * *

 _A/N: If you want to know about Jasper attempting to adjust to vegetarianism with Alice when they first get together, the image referenced above comes from Jessica314's Tale of Years: 1950._

 _If you're interested in a nearly similar conversation as talked about above that Esme had with Edward regarding new experiences being a gift, it can be found in My Family is Odd end of chapter 8 and beginning of chapter 9._


	18. Edward–Counting The Cost

**Disclaimer: Edward's remembrances of how he was after he left Bella comes from Saudade by Haemophilus Leona here on FanFiction.**

Chapter 18: Edward–Counting The Cost

* * *

Between Esme's cooking, Carlisle's diplomacy, as well as Alice's and my pushing and prodding we managed to create Esme's proposed solution. Esme had guessed correctly that the size of the Quileutes would make an impact on the good doctor, as had their stories of Bella. In Dr. Whitaker's eye I looked unimposing in comparison to my brother and the wolves. He kept trying to tell himself as he did his rounds that looks can be deceiving, but with each antic he heard he began to wonder if perhaps this Jacob character was more of a danger to Bella. He considered that Bella had punched Jacob and wondered if his conclusions were accurate but misplaced. I certainly thought so, but I had given up beating that dead horse after it had come between Bella and I.

Charlie didn't take all our Bella stories so well, though. He never reacted once while the guys were there, however his mind was in a disjointed mess trying to reconcile the Quileutes' stories of Bella with the daughter he thought he knew. I was confident that Bella wouldn't be upset. Most likely, in fact, she would be glad that she helped in this way, even if it did spill the beans to Charlie a little. Many of the stories also seemed to take Jacob down a peg or two in Charlie's mind. Nevertheless, Charlie concluded that the comatose state Bella had been in after I left her was still worse than the stories he had heard today. I couldn't agree more. On a good note, my confining myself to visiting hours had seemed to assuage any doubts Dr. Whitaker's questions had planted within Charlie, at least for the moment. Additionally, Charlie was beginning to wonder if perchance Bella and me being constantly together had more to do with her than me. I didn't like Charlie thinking of Bella in this way, but had a feeling that this was another instance in which Bella wouldn't have minded.

It appeared as if our family's plan had done more than solely wear down Dr. Whitaker. It had also caused Charlie to closely scrutinize Jacob. Even better Charlie considered that I might want some time with Bella alone before I left, so went to get himself a cup of coffee.

Going over to her bedside I held her hand speaking at my natural speed.

"I miss you so much Bella. If it weren't for Alice's visions I would be going to pieces. I need you to come back to me. I'm not the same without you. You'd be proud of me, though. I haven't run away once. I've stayed and helped my family. But I don't know how much longer I can hold out. Come back to me." I took her hand and brought it to my face and took in a deep breath. This here was the scent that held my world together. "Today was amazing, Bella. I wish you had been awake to see it. The pack and us Cullens together with Charlie. Even Sam and Emily were here. It was a sight to behold. I don't think Charlie appreciated all the stories about you, but it was for a good cause. Today wouldn't have been possible without you. You already are a magical creature." I kissed her hand.

"Remember the note I left you when I went hunting shortly after we returned from Italy. I had told you that I had left my heart with you. Nothing has changed. I need you, Bella. I need you to wake up and smile at me again. I need you to shake your head at me or have a flash of insight. My existence isn't worth anything without you." I ran my other hand down her cheek. "I promise you that I'm here for you. I'm never far away, even if I can't spend the night. I promise, Bella, I will be here tomorrow." As I heard Charlie approach I sped up even more reminding her how much I loved her and to come back to me. Then I kissed her on the forehead just as Charlie entered.

"I should head out, Charlie. See you tomorrow."

Charlie grunted an acceptance and nodded

I went to find Carlisle. He was in surgery. I left a note instructing the nurse that it was imperative that he received it.

It read: "I think I need to go back to that second opinion here in town. Please advise."

I hoped that the decision to leave the note would help Alice tell me whether we should go back and check on Dr. Whitaker this evening.

When I got close enough to our home, I really wanted to turn around. Both couples were going at it. Esme's thoughts seemed to be focused on her project, so maybe they were being quiet, but their thoughts were not by any stretch. I wanted to run away, but resisted the impulse. Perhaps running away was what I did pre-Italy, but not anymore. I had been working on being the Edward that faced things rather than ran from them. I considered what I could do instead. I decided that I wanted to go back to writing the composition that I had started the other day, but was still not finished. I hoped doing so would drown out every one else.

I parked the Volvo in the garage. Although I had cleaned the car out as well as possible, there was still the scent of Bella's blood in the seats. It was doubtful that it would ever come out. Having her scent with me was comforting but also grating in its insufficiency. I wondered if going by her place, packing a few things, and keeping a few of her belongings in my room would help.

I sat at the piano and started playing. Seconds after Esme came down and stood near.

 _Lovely. New piece?_

I nodded. She let me become immersed in my world of notes and tunes and harmonies. At some point Alice and Jasper came into the room, but I only noticed their presence when my phone vibrated notifying me of a text.

Probably wise. Talk to you about your findings when I get home.

After pocketing my phone I looked up and smiled at Alice.

"I was thinking of going over to Dr. Whitaker's again. Carlisle's text approved. You up to going Jasper?"

His mind calculated the strategic advantage of having him with me verses his tolerance. It was like the conversation my family had with me the first day after I had come back from Alaska. I could almost guarantee what Jasper would choose before he reached his conclusion.

"You're not going without me," Alice chipped in.

"Are you sure you'll be alright, Jasper?" Esme asked concern colouring her features.

"I'll be better prepared this time. This is important."

They conveyed the same sentiment that I had told myself and then my family.

Even Esme wasn't about to argue about that.

Jasper wasn't me by a long shot, but I was confident this time would be different.

"You have this well in hand. I wouldn't have asked if I thought differently."

It is one of the things I loved and hated about Jasper's gift: he knew when I was being absolutely honest. He reviewed my emotional state since the start of the conversation.

 _Thanks._

I bowed my head slightly like how he does at times.

"We should head out," advised Alice.

"Volvo okay?" I asked Jasper.

"You could take mine," Esme offered, "although it still has some lingering food smells."

Jasper deliberated on which odour would be less offending.

"Thanks, Esme," Jasper decided.

"Sure, anytime."

The three of us went together heading off to Dr. Whitaker's home. Alice searched the future. It looked clear. We agreed to park in a different part of the neighbourhood this time as to not attract attention. At first Dr. Whitaker's thoughts were focused on the crisis of his daughter and an altercation that had happened between his wife and daughter. His thoughts were focused in his family problems and were spiralling further and further down.

I told them so, and since this wasn't about us, we stayed in the car.

At some point Dr. Whitaker's brain was triggered by the memories of today.

"Okay. That's our cue," I told let them know.

Getting out of the car Alice and Jasper walked hand in hand slightly ahead of me. Hopefully if his daughter cut herself again, I could grab onto Jasper like last time. After a few blocks I was having a hard time concentrating on Dr. Whitaker as Jasper's thoughts were incredibly loud. I was proud of how vehemently he was insuring that his monster stayed caged, so on one hand I didn't want to say anything.

"Anyway you could tone down the volume, Jasper?" I pleaded softly.

He toned it down a bit, while I tried to push both him and Alice into the background, enough that I could focus on Dr. Whitaker.

Dr. Whitaker began mentally comparing his assumptions and impressions of me with the images in his mind from today. He tried to imagine the world Bella lived in where she held her own with the huge bodies of the Quileutes. He began to swim in self-doubt his thoughts resembling my own when I had felt unsure about my capacity to judge a situation. The one piece of evidence that stopped him from discarding his concerns completely was Bella's self-injury. How I wished to tell him that it was from her misplaced wish to keep me safe. Since I couldn't, his presuppositions were beginning to secure Jacob as a slightly greater contender for her injuries but he didn't want to dismiss me outright. In his mind, I had to be the best liar ever to convince all those individuals that I wasn't hurting Bella, or Jacob was using the described dangerous activities as excuses to cover up his actions against her. Dr. Whitaker replayed what he had heard about Bella slugging Jacob and hurting her hand. To him that action was a red flag indicating abuse. He didn't think that any man should need to be slugged to be heard by a woman. I couldn't have agreed more.

Right then we passed his house. A mid-thirty looking woman was sitting on the porch. She looked peaceful, but her thoughts were in turmoil. They were consumed with the argument that she had earlier with her mother where her mother begged, pleaded, and then demanded that she seek help. I wished there was something we could do to heal this family. She looked out at us and envied what she saw was perfection. A life without scars. She wished that her life could be more like ours. Too bad her eyes couldn't see Jasper's. She might reconsider her conclusions after that.

I had heard this sentiment echoed in minds so many times through the years. I had always believed that thought to be stupidity. She didn't want to be a monster. Then I thought about Bella and my observations today while everyone was there. Bella being physically injured was the price she paid to be in our lives, and she paid it gladly. She would protect each and everyone one of us, if she could, with her own life. She would never bat an eye.

I remembered a conversation Bella and I had right after getting back from Italy. She had said that the worst thing that could happen to her was for me to leave her, everything after that, the Volturi, Victoria was inconsequential because the worst they could do was kill her. She didn't see me for _what_ I am. She had said as soon as she knew the truth that it didn't matter. She saw me for _who_ I am. In that moment I knew that this was Bella's legacy–her capacity to see individuals for who they were had created a bridge between natural enemies–Switzerland she had once told me. Selfishly I wanted her to come back to me. I was unsure how to exist without her, but today was exactly what Bella would have wanted–us not to be vampires and werewolves, but just Emmett and Seth and Quil and Brady and Collin and Emery and Alice and Esme and Charlie and Sam and Emily and Sue and I. She had gotten her wish. I bet she wouldn't have counted the price too high.

Was this girl, the daughter of Dr. Whitaker similar? Was the emotional pain too much for her to bear? I saw her and wondered if I was seeing Bella in a way. It matched a little of the zombie empty look I had seen of Bella in people's memories. I wished that we could do something to ease this woman's pain, but had no ideas. Her eyes followed us. I focused back on Dr. Whitaker's thoughts. His thoughts had begun to place Jacob under more intense scrutiny, although they would occasionally revisit me hurting her as a possibility. As much as it was intended, Esme's plan had worked–his focus and concern was no longer primarily on me.

"Seems clear on my end," I stated.

"I've got enough," Jasper reported.

We crossed the street and walked back to the car in a gingerly human pace. When we got back in the car Jasper seemed to ease up.

"I was going to call Charlie and then go by Bella's place to pick up some of her things in case she wakes up tomorrow."

Alice frowned and checked her vision. Bella still woke up on Friday. _Really, Edward?_

"I'm just being hopeful. Better to be prepared. She hates hospitals."

"Fine," Alice muttered in a soft growl. _As long as I get to pick her clothes._

I didn't know how to explain to Alice that I didn't doubt her vision. Rather, in fact, my idea was disguised under my need to have some of her belongings, of her scent nearby.

Charlie picked up on the third ring.

"Hey Charlie, Edward here." Greeted with silence I continued, "I was thinking that Bella might like some of her clothes when she wakes up. If it was okay with you, may I stop by your house with Alice so that Alice could pack some things for me to bring tomorrow?"

There was a long pause while Charlie deliberated. "Yeah. Bella would like that." Then he went on to tell me where the key was hidden and how to lock up after we left.

I reassured him that I would do it exactly as he requested not daring to tell him how many times I had already used that key.

"I get to pick?" Alice asked a smile plastered across her face.

"As long as it's things Bella likes, yes."

She huffed. She was already imagining Bella's wardrobe and what would be good to pack. Anytime she imagined something to sheer or tight I would say "No," before she would move on to the next item.

"Want to come in?" I asked Jasper as we came to the house.

"Thanks, but I'll stay in the car," he answered after a quick calculation.

Opening the front door Alice and I went up to Bella's room.

It was soothing to be in this space where her scent was so present. At the same time the fact that I was here without her was debilitatingly sad. The emotions were pulling me in opposite directions. Falling onto my knees I placed my head in my hands.

Alice came placing her arm on my shoulder.

"I don't know if I can last till Friday," I admitted in a shaky whisper.

"I know, but you're strong. You went six months without her. You told her you could be noble. Did you lie to her?"

"No," I muttered vehemently. "I forgot the pain of being away from her. Even observing her from the shadows would be more endurable than this."

"Is that why you rush in and out of your room?"

"Yes. It's torturous to have the scent of her dissipate. I need her, Alice."

"You should have changed her," she said in a quiet sad tone.

"For my sake, yes, but for hers? I wanted to honour my promise unless that was no other way."

"It's not like you would have done it against her will or anything. You're suffering for your nobility. It's admirable and it pains me. Truly, I looked for a way for you to be with her in the hospital more. Every possible future ended badly. The risk to our family, especially given the steps we've taken to dispel suspicion, is just too high. Sincerely I wish that I could find a way for you, that you had changed her, and that I didn't need to watch you suffer, but it's too late now. You chose your path. We have to see it out. When she's released new decisions can be made. For now I see no other option than to stay the course. She wakes up Friday."

I didn't agree with Alice that I should have changed Bella, but her words radiated such love that they were a comfort. As I allowed them to penetrate, I could feel Jasper giving me courage, strength, hope, and determination. It was if he had come in and lifted me off the ground only silently and therefore without the needless embarrassment. I began to stand up.

"Better?" Alice asked wearily.

"No, but endurable."

She nodded and began going through Bella's clothes while I grabbed her bag for toiletries and went to the bathroom to get her toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, hairbrush, shampoo, conditioner, and body wash.

"Ugh!" I heard Alice groan.

"What is it?"

"She is in desperate need of my help."

I smiled as I came in to see Alice holding up a pyjama top that was four times Bella size holding it like it was contaminated.

"How about this, Alice? If you can manage to keep packing what _Bella_ likes, then when we get home you can go online and order her some new stuff _as long as_ it would be things she would find comfortable and familiar? She'll be in the hospital, so she'll want to be in soft, comfortable, loose, opaque, warm things."

She eyed the offending fabric again. She considered the things she'd like Bella to wear which were extremely lacking in material and had much lace.

"No. Not this time, but I give you free reign to get that type of stuff for the honeymoon. Deal?"

I held out my hand. She considered my offer and searched to see if she could do better.

"Fine," she agreed forcefully and shook my hand.

"Done."

I looked at her wearily to see if she had found some work around.

"Don't you trust me brother?" she cooed sweetly.

"When it comes to clothes? Not even a little." I smiled at Alice trying to think of a way to thank her for her support.

She grinned back at me.

When we got home I took the bag Alice had packed and put it in the Volvo minus a few of my favourite items. After my confession to Alice it wasn't quite as hard as it had be to be in my room, but as I held Bella's clothes and looked at the bed meant for us without her in it, some of the overwhelming fear and grief that had taken me over in Bella's place threatened to consume me. I carefully placed Bella's items in the drawer where she kept a few belonging. Longing for her return, I took one more glance before I closed my door. No matter how difficult those moments in my room with her scent had been, they had been easier than being in her house.

Alice went to shop online.

Seeking out Jasper I worked on focusing on my sense of gratitude and appreciation.

 _You're welcome. I don't know how you stand it, actually._

I shrugged not sure how I was managing either.

"So, what's your assessment?" I asked him ready to put what had happened at Bella's behind us.

"Conviction is gone. He is doubtful, confused, uncertain, and resigned."

I nodded. "I agree that the threat is decreased for now. He's beginning to put some focus on Jacob. Given the stories, he's wondering if he's the cause of Bella's injuries."

"Well, serves the pup right for trying to take your girl and kissing her without permission. Heavens, Edward, if it were me, that fleabag would be six feet under in small pieces already."

I smiled at Jasper appreciating his morbid ideas. They soothed the torture within me.

"I couldn't help but wish that we could do something for the daughter," I told him needing a change of topic.

Esme walked in. "Dr. Whitaker's daughter?"

"There's nothing to be done," Jasper pointed out. "It's none of our business."

"I know. Doesn't stop wishes."

Esme's thoughts veered to herself when she was trapped believing the lies of her former husband. She sighed and then abruptly said, "Edward, we haven't played a family game together in a long while." She began to imagine possibilities.

"Game night?" Emmett asked as he rounded the corner.

"Something where neither Alice nor Edward has an advantage, then," Rosalie added sternly.

"Dice?" Esme suggested.

"Something completely of chance," Rosalie confirmed.

"Well what if we …" and Emmett was off listing tons of possible ideas. Every once in a while Jasper would add his idea or reject one of Emmett's.

Then randomly Alice would interject, "Not that one," as she had seen the game end in fighting.

Esme and I smiled at each other. _Enjoy this moment while it lasts. Everything will change once you're married._

I winked back at her. I had seen how marriage had changed Carlisle and Rosalie. I knew Esme was right, but that didn't stop me from wishing Bella would be here instead.

If I had to guess, Esme was worried about me being away from Bella tonight. I did miss her more than words could say, but somehow the thought of what happened today helped as I listened to perhaps what often is the funniest part of family game night. Today had been exactly the kind of thing that Bella would have wanted. I loved her enough and had learned enough to know that I was willing to sacrifice my wants to see Bella happy and today would have made her delighted. I had to admit that without Alice's and Jasper's support combined with Esme's worry I probably would have already returned to the catatonic state I had been in after I had left Bella. I had promised to stay with them, but what really held me was Bella waking up. Not all was lost.

Maybe I couldn't hold her or kiss her, but we'd given her a precious gift. The sacrifice wasn't worth it to me. I would have easily done anything for her not to be in that bed, but it would have been worth it to Bella. I held onto that thought tightly as I grasped the box containing my mother's ring that had been in my pocket since I had first come home after the battle.

She had said yes. Today would have delighted her. She just needed to wake up.

These three sentences repeated in my head, as we played game after game. Initially our time together was a pleasant albeit manufactured distraction. I couldn't help, as time went by, that my need to be with Bella increased, as my family purposefully kept me imprisoned in our home, for my own good probably, but still. In many ways my internal battle to obey the requests of my family to stay in our home was like my fight with my monster–the physical part of me driven by desire verses my rational mind. Only, it wasn't the monster. The monster and I were well acquainted and, especially since Bella, it was absolutely constrained. This growing restlessness and determination to see Bella was something else.

 _Don't even think about it,_ Jasper warned when I began to feel particularly determined one time.

Each time during that evening that I had decided to get up and go to the hospital Alice would have a vision of it ending badly. Nevertheless, this restlessness grew. I enacted the controls I have employed over and over again against my monster and for a while it would soothe this beast, but then after a few more hours it would come at me again stronger. I replayed those months after I had left Bella attempting to gain some insight into how I had managed all that time without her. The only conclusion I made was that my ignorance regarding the impact being away from her created an allowance for me to endure the pain. Although by the time I had received Rosalie's phone call that had sent me to Italy, this same beast had been inches away from taking over my body and running to Bella, consequences be damned. But I was no longer ignorant of the price to be away from Bella. My whole being, in fact, remembered acutely the cost I had paid. And although I had just promised her two visits ago that I would be noble, that didn't mean I could stay very far away from her. As examining those months away from Bella weren't helping me win this losing battle, I began looking further back into Bella and my history scanning for moments when my body acted without my consent.

Certainly racing across the school parking lot and saving her from the van had been one of those moments. Upon examination the similarities were stark. My brain knew it would be best to be at home rather than at the hospital. Rationally I knew that the family was trying to distract me for the safety of us all. I was conscious of all of the consequences Alice's visions had shown me over the last hours if I did go to the hospital. Even when I ventured nearby with the intention of being a few blocks away, her visions each time showed me unable to stay away. Like the van I knew the cost, but desired to act anyway.

I had thought having Bella's scent here would be enough. Perhaps it had made it worse. This beast wasn't going to be soothed with her fading scent. It was demanding her.

Before I consciously went to move Jasper pounced on me, breaking the coffee table in pieces and scattering the game.

"Oh, Jasper. Was that necessary? I liked that table," Esme gently admonished.

"Let me go!" this beast within me yelled at him while he pinned my legs and arms.

"No," he stated calmly while he sent me tranquillity, lethargy, contentment, and trust with a sprinkle of fidelity.

It growled at him and struggled against him.

 _Let it work Edward. You can't go. You know this._

I did know this. He was right, but my body wouldn't give in. It _had_ to have her. There no longer was another option.

"Emmett grab his arms please," Jasper asked crisply.

Emmett carefully and stealthily came over while the girls stared at me.

 _Come on Eddie. Please don't make this difficult._

 _Edward, sweetheart, you can't go. I'm sorry. Please stop fighting your brothers. We can't let you. I know it's hard. It'll be over soon._

 _Knock it off, Edward. She'll be awake in two days. Alice saw it. Stop being such a blockhead._

Alice was looking through every option. Nothing ended well if they let me up.

Emmett took my right hand by the wrist and forced it back above my head. The force he used against the force I resisted him caused a fisher in my shoulder. The beast was marginally more compliant, although no doubt it was calculating the cost of losing an arm to get to her. Then holding that one in place, him and Jasper manoeuvred my left hand so that Emmett clasped onto them together. Jasper moved so that my legs were held down more securely.

"LET ME GO!" it roared while thrashing about as much as was possible given their hold on me.

"No can do, buddy," Emmett told me gently.

 _This would be easier if you'd stop resisting,_ Jasper let me know.

But it was like that first day in Biology. A type of monster had taken over my body–the kind that had to have Bella at any cost.

It was attempting to thrash my way through them, no doubt putting a dent in Esme's floor.

"Esme, would you go into Edward's room and see if you can find anything with Bella's scent on it," Jasper asked her coolly. "The more concentrated the better."

"Certainly."

Esme left the room and Rosalie huffed.

Alice's searching showed Carlisle coming home. Whether he was coming home early or was finishing his shift was undeterminable. I really didn't want him to see me like this. My inhumanity had been why I had fled to Alaska after almost killing Bella that first time. I didn't want to let my family down, but more than anything I didn't want my father and sire to be disappointed with me.

Esme came down with one of the garments I had stolen earlier tonight from Bella's room. It was a blue blouse–one of my favourites.

She looked at Jasper as if to ask him what next.

"Bring it to his face in a way that forces him to take in the scent."

"Stop it," my voice commanded with a guttural roar that any louder might have shattered the windows while my body increased in its use of force to get free. Small cracks in my arms, legs, and torso could be heard.

The cloth covered my nose and mouth and for an instant the beast was soothed. Then Esme's scent came mixed with Bella's. It reached out with its senses to ensure that Bella was here, that she was safe. There was nothing–no breathing, no heartbeat, sounds of her fidgeting, her rhythms silent, no heat from her body or her hair touching me. It tried desperately to move my arms to remove the offending fabric from me while it snarled. It want nothing anything less than the authentic being, not some imitative castaway.

The force of the sound the beast made in anger, frustration, and desperation vibrated the windows to the point that the metal holding them creaked.

Jasper physically moved a little as if the force of my emotions had been a physical blow to him.

 _Please, Edward, I'm begging you, let my gift work. Only for a few hours._

I began to hear Carlisle's inner voice. He was doing his regular routine to end out his shift and come home, which meant that he hadn't left early after all.

My body stilled its movement fractionally as the sound of his car on the driveway could be heard. The rest of the family stilled significantly in anxious anticipation of his return.

I tried to convince the beast to listen to Jasper, that it was just a few more hours. With each movement Carlisle made towards the house desperation gripped me as I fought to put it back in its cage. Despite my efforts, it was like that first day in the meadow where my desire and the monster had combined to create something greater, something strong that required that Bella live, something that loved her completely and unequivocally. It had tamed the monster, no more than that; it had used the monster's desire for her blood to fuel its desire to love her and claim her. At Bella's birthday party, for a few moments, the monster and the beast had battled once again, the gushing ambrosia begging to be consumed infusing the monster with strength. Ultimately the beast had won and I had decided that they, and thus I, were too dangerous to be around Bella. Perhaps I had been able to leave Bella before because I had not acknowledged that she was my mate. Perchance my new found awareness had energized the beast and its unwillingness to be patient.

My efforts were in vain; failure evident when Carlisle came in the door to see the beast only partially calmed. This was my sire, the creature that had made me, that had comforted me in those beginning years, that had helped me through the bloodlust and the screaming voices in my head. He would solve the problem. The beast was certain that he would go get her and bring her to me.

 _Edward, what's going on?_ he asked me, but the beast, although soothed by his tone and the groundedness he brought, was irritated by the question. He should know what was wrong and fix it, not ask stupid questions.

"He was becoming more and more determined, assumingly to see Bella. Alice said that if he were allowed to go it would ended badly, so we were forced to constrain him."

"I see," was all he said. He looked into my eyes and then over at Jasper. "I thought the scent might help, but it's made very little of a difference."

"Edward, please, calm down," Carlisle instructed evenly in the soothing tone I knew from those first months. Automatically my gift clung onto him like a lifeboat in this uncontrollable storm immediately tuning out everyone else as it had learned to do in those early years.

"This is your fault, you sanctimonious bastard. I've waited long enough. I did everything you asked. You promised to give her to me, but she's not here. This is all your fault," the beast accused him.

Carlisle's mind was suddenly filled with memories of moments when I would lose control of myself in my newborn years. He very quickly put them aside.

Everyone in the family looked between him and me.

 _Edward I know it's not fair. I know you miss her. I know you want to be with her, but you decided to not change her, remember? You asked to wait._

"NO!" the beast roared with great volume. "This is your responsibility. No more waiting. You need to fix this. Get her this instant."

Esme came and kneeled next to me, removed the offending garment from my face, and stroked my cheek and ran her fingers through my hair. The motion was soothing in a way and I opened my mind hoping she would have the answer I needed. _Shhh, my sweet boy. I know you miss her and want to have her near. Don't worry, darling. She's safe. She's in the hospital. Remember. We were there today. She's asleep but she's going to wake up._

Her inner tone was so loving, so caring, so tender, so grieved, so sad that I tuned her back out. Although appreciated, it wasn't helping me fight the beast.

"Why isn't she here?" the beast growled looking at Carlisle. "You promised. I trusted you. She's not here. She needs to be here. She belongs here. She is _mine_ ," it hissed.

Carlisle dropped his voice to an even softer tone. "This isn't you Edward." _Bella's not your object. She's not your toy. She is a sentient being who loves you. But right now she's asleep. You need to wait to see her just a little bit more. Let Jasper's gift work._

"I can't lose her," the beast warned him. "Why are you torturing me like this? Let. Me. Go."

"I can't." _This is what is best, my son. I love you. I want nothing but the best for you. We talked about this. She hit her head, remember? We were on our way to the hospital. I was hesitant to admit her for this reason, but you insisted. I'm sorry I failed you. I pushed you too far my brave and selfless son. I'm so sorry._

"That doesn't matter. You can't have it both ways. You can't set a deadline, interfere with my matters, and then blame me. _You_ just need to fix it. None of it matters except that she's not here. You need to go get her and bring her here NOW." Its roar actually gave Carlisle's hair a windblown look.

"I warned you Carlisle," Jasper said frostily. "No mates have endured this. It's unnatural."

 _Please my son, come back to me. Remember my voice. Remember the incredibly strong formidable selfless young man that you are. We only wanted what was best for Bella. Remember?_

"That's enough," Carlisle commanded evenly.

"What are you talking about?" demanded Rosalie.

Carlisle and Jasper exchanged a look, then Carlisle looked at Rosalie. "Jasper raised concerns about Edward attempting to abide by the values of his human parents when it comes to Bella."

"What's wrong with him wanting to marry her?" she asked Jasper crossly.

"Nothing," Jasper responded coarsely. "But there is a problem with a _vampire_ attempting to live by _human_ Victorian standards. Even the humans don't hold to those beliefs anymore. Not to mention that he is trying to impress a _human_ father who we will leave behind in a few weeks and restrain himself from harming a young werewolf. That's too much for any of us. His restraint is just as much admirable as it is dangerous. I warned Carlisle and Edward that in my estimate the part of Edward that needs to have his mate would have a breaking point."

 _Remember Edward the conversation I had with you regarding this. Remember that I warned you that you needed to consider giving in to some physical connection with Bella? And you raised your concerns about hurting her? Remember we talked about how you might find a middle ground until you both were married or she was changed? Remember my concern that you shouldn't ask so much of yourself?_

"Will you all shut up and get her? Let me go or bring her here," the beast attempted to command.

Rosalie gasped ignoring the words coming out of my mouth completely. "Do you mean that Edward, mister anal-retentive control freak, has lost his wits?"

"Yes, Rosalie," Carlisle said softly and sadly. "We all have our breaking points. I trusted Edward to know his own limits. Obviously he pushed himself to far."

 _I'm sorry, my son. I should have changed her instead of taking her to the hospital. You were so insistent. I thought you could do this; you went months without her before._

"Blood?" asked Jasper.

"That helped in the past," Carlisle replied.

"His struggling against us created some cracks. He might be losing venom," Emmett added.

"In the past?" Rosalie voiced with shock.

"In his newborn years. His gift made things difficult at times."

Jasper eyed me in a way that my gift searched out his mind. He had brought me and what he imagined I would have been like into Maria's army in an attempt to decide if Maria would have put up with the challenge my gift would have brought. _She probably would have decided that it wasn't worth the trouble_ he concluded.

I immediately tuned him out. That was no help at all.

"I'll go get something," Alice offered before she spirited away.

"How will we force him to feed?" Rosalie wondered. "It's not like his body needs blood. We just went yesterday morning."

 _Shhh, my sweet boy, that's right. We've got you. Your family loves you. We're here for you. It'll be okay,_ Esme's voice came in just barely like a radio turned on but at the lowest settling. Her reassurances were like a balm on my tears reminding me that my family was not my enemy. I turned once more to fight the beast.

 _Please Edward calm down, come back to yourself,_ Carlisle requested.

"What's done is done, Jasper. In the car Edward was insistent. I believed that he had accurately evaluated himself in this regard. He obviously underestimated. I appreciate you monitoring him and making sure he didn't leave the house."

Jasper nodded and his demeanour shifted slightly.

"Is your gift able to make any difference?" Carlisle asked.

"Not really. He's fighting it," Jasper answered.

"Can you increase it?"

"Yes, but I don't like to force it like that. From past experience it never had positive side effects."

The beast's immediate response was to fight harder to escape their entrapment. More tears could be heard.

"If we did that, what might be the side effects?" Carlisle asked Jasper as if my body were perfectly calm.

"Uncontrollable anger and resentment for starters."

"Are you seriously considering forcing emotions into Edward like he's some psych ward patient?"

"Yes," Carlisle said simply. "Esme?"

"I don't like it at all. On the other hand if he ran off he would expose us and regret it later."

"Emmett?"

"We can't get sick. I don't get it."

"Try to imagine in the beginning when Rosalie wanted to be physical with you, but instead of agreeing you decided to wait. That part of all of us that is designed to recognise our mates and claim them would be denied what it wants."

"Stupid, but I'm following."

"Like bloodlust, it cannot be denied forever. Eventually it will force the situation. At least that was Jasper's theory, which I believed had merit, but neither of us were certain."

"Well, Eddie is a one of a kind. So, how does Jasper's mojo fit in?"

"He would use certain emotions to contain the part of Edward that wants his mate so that the Edward we know can re-emerge."

"Oh. I don't like it, but I'll go with whatever you and Jasper decide." Emmett's voice was unusually morose.

"Rosalie?"

"No way. No one should be forced to do something against their will like that. Constraining him is one thing. Taking away his free will is another. No."

Carlisle opened his phone and dialled.

"Alice?"

"We have time. Bella's going to have an MRI done, so we can't have him go in at the start of visiting hours anyway. I can't see much further than that."

Then she hung up.

Carlisle took some time to think. His mind weighed the pros and cons primarily based on his internal meter of do no harm. His mind seemed heavily weighed by what he saw was his failure to do what was in my best interest, but he was trying to weigh that against what would have been in Bella's. What option created the least harm? he kept asking himself.

 _I'm so sorry, son. I don't know how else to get you to come back to me._ Then there was the slightest imaginings of stealing Bella out of the hospital and bringing her here, but then it was dismissed by images of Charlie and FBI agents and werewolves and the Volturi.

"Yes. Go get her. Bring her," the beast commanded.

"How long would you need for it to work, Jasper?" Carlisle asked, as if the beast had not spoken, in his doctor tone, but his inner voice was heavy and despondent.

"Depends."

"If you did it by slowly increasing the intensity?"

"Hard to say."

Carlisle added these elements to his calculation.

"We need him to feed without running away," Carlisle pointed out.

"I can't believe you two!" Rosalie scowled. "How can you do this to your son, to your brother?"

"Because I love him," Carlisle answered dejected. "And I love you. I cannot sacrifice his happiness, but neither can I risk our deaths because he misjudged his capacity and I trusted him to know himself too much. Jasper's option is an imposition, but it would be quicker than what I would have done in the past. I'm open to suggestions?"

"We could just wait it out," she said harshly, but the strength wasn't there anymore.

"My experience with Edward is that he never improved spontaneously. He needs strength and support, Rose."

She looked down gloomily. "Fine. But I don't have to like it."

Carlisle looked at Jasper.

"I don't know, Carlisle. The times before I have done it weren't anything like this. I hadn't been attempting to be careful."

"I know I'm asking a lot of you." He looked around to everyone else. "Any other ideas?"

 _I'm so sorry son. I have failed you. Please forgive me._ Then his tone changed and I knew he was no longer directing his thoughts to me. _The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake._

"All right, Jasper, go ahead."

 _Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever._

There was a sensation similar to the burning. It was like he was trying to force each cell of my body to confirm to his will, to the emotions he wanted. It was alien to my system. The more he increased the dosage the more my body resisted. The beast wailed and fought, clawed and roared, and then demanded and begged. All the while Esme whispered sweet words and encouragement, Carlisle's thoughts asked for forgiveness, and Jasper begged me to stop resisting. At some point the fight went out and I was tranquil, lethargic, and content.

"We should be fine now," Jasper said, but his voice seemed far away as if I was in a dreamland.

"Get him up," Father's voice said a little more clearly than Jasper, but not terribly so.

I felt Jasper get off and Emmett pull me up, wrap his arms around me, and lift me outside. Everything was so peaceful I didn't mind at all.

"You need to drink," Father told me.

I was too serene to want to do that.

"Bring him here," Father commanded Emmett I would assume.

My eyes recorded, but in a disassociated way him break the deer's neck and then cutting open a vein. Blood spurted out onto him and the deer and the ground.

"Please Edward," I heard Father ask. _I need you to do this. You are hurt. You need to heal._

I nodded in resignation my desire to please him overruling my resistance. I latched onto the vein and drank. The blood filled me with a natural euphoric sensation of being sated. When all the blood was gone I looked over to Father for approval.

"You did well, Edward. Come now into the house and get changed." _Follow me. I promise to keep you safe._

I nodded in acquiescence. This time I used my own feet, but Emmett's arm was around my waist as if holding me up.

"Bring him to his room, please."

I was more aware of what was happening, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I didn't object when Father stripped me to my undergarments, put me into the shower, washed my hair and arms, brought me out, gave me new undergarments, or told me to change them. In a rote fashion I did as instructed including putting on the clothes given to me.

The family convened in the living room with Jasper and Emmett on either side of me, no one speaking, and me feeling less and less content with each passing minute. Sometime later I found myself livid.

"What on earth did you do to me, Father?" I asked him snarling on his title.

Esme looked heartbroken at my question. Alice looked downcast. Rosalie was angry. Emmett looked ashamed. Jasper's face was neutral.

 _Go back through your memories. You were in danger of exposing us. You left me with little other choice._

I went back through it all. As always I found his reasoning perfectly compassionate. He had weighed the welfare of everyone, including me, and choose what he thought would be least invasive and harmful to me. Didn't change that I felt like crap.

"Are you in pain anywhere? Emmett believed you created some cracks in your struggle."

"Not that I can tell."

He nodded thoughtfully. "How's your gift?"

It had been only tuned into him, but at his question everyone else's voices came in. I immediately tuned them down again.

"Working."

"How do you feel?"

"Groggy, if that's possible."

There was some resentment like Jasper had predicted, as well as some anger, but mostly I was upset at myself. If I had been stronger and better able to contain this breast attempting to claim Bella like some animal, then they wouldn't of needed to do what they did.

Father looked over at Jasper.

"Nothing like I was expecting."

"I'm fine, Jasper. Really. No hard feelings. I know Father asked you to and my choices had left him with few other options. You wouldn't have needed to push so hard if I hadn't fought you so much."

The feelings of tranquillity and contentment were gone, but so also was the fight within me.

"You're one of the most stubborn creatures I've ever met. I'll give you that." He smiled slightly at me.

I smiled slightly back and thought about two nights ago with Jasper not eating that girl, how proud of him I was, and how honoured I was to call him brother.

There was some resentfulness there towards both of them, but far less than my gratitude that Jasper had kept me from doing something stupid.

He looked at me curiously.

"Sorry. I tuned everyone out but Father."

Everyone looked at me with some degree of shock.

"What?" I asked.

"Does that work?" Rosalie asked hopeful.

"Mostly. I've been working on it since Bella came around. She helps. It also means I don't pick it up if you're talking to me unless it's forceful or strongly emotionally tinged, but tuning out Father is almost impossible. Best I can do is tune him down."

Rosalie looked at me gratefully.

I nodded at her.

"I really don't _want_ to invade everyone's privacy," I pointed out.

"Of course not, we know that," Esme reassured me. "We are impressed that you're getting better at it. It shows a lot of progress. That's all.

"Thanks, Mom."

"Edward, according to Alice, Bella is in the process of getting an MRI and it looks like one or more of the wolves are going to be there. I know you need to be with Bella, but you have to do so in a way that will maintain our cover," Father informed me.

I groaned. "How long more do I need to wait?"

While Alice checked Esme asked, "Want to go back to playing games together as a family? This time Carlisle can join us."

A part of me didn't want to, but there was this foreign part of me that felt obligated to do so.

"Sure, why not?" I agreed.

They each gave the other a strange look, but no one said anything.

* * *

 _A/N: The second half of this chapter was so difficult for me to write. Even though Edward annoys me at times, most of the time I feel for him, he just tries so hard. Consequently, watching him struggle like this challenged me, particularly in having Carlisle and Jasper act against "the beast". The writing was made especially difficult by the fact in how it impacted the family. For a family with no secrets there's tons they haven't had a chance to talk about with the advancing army and graduation and an expected upcoming wedding. I'm obviously way too emotionally attached to the characters, but there you go. I knew for a while that this chapter was missing something, but it wouldn't come to me. It was Jessica314 and her feedback on Chapter 10 that inspired me. Thank you all for reading and sharing how the story touches you. This chapter wouldn't look like this without you. Muwh!  
_


	19. Jacob–Strategy Needed

Chapter 19: Jacob–Strategy Needed

* * *

Maybe it was the fact that I had slept through the night without any pain, tenderness, or discomfort. Maybe it was the fact that today my dad and I were going to visit Bella. Perhaps even my conversation with Quil last night had helped.

"Yeah, we were all there: me, Emery, Seth, Brady, Collin, Sam, and Emily."

"Sam showed?"

"Yeah. He seemed surprised we were there, but not upset or anything."

"Well, that's good."

"Do you think it helped?"

"Certainly helped scare the doctor. He didn't know where to put himself."

I chuckled.

"Thanks, for going, man."

"Yeah, sure. The mother even made food?"

"The doc's wife made _food_?"

"Yeah."

"Any good?"

"Yeah, one of the best casseroles I've ever had actually."

"No way! How does a leech cook?"

"I don't know man, but it was real good."

That made no kind of sense.

"Were you there long?"

"Couple of hours. The burly one picked us up and took us back to the line?"

"You got a ride from a leech?"

"Well, I wasn't going to run there."

"I can't believe that, man."

"Yeah. Me, Emery, Brady, Collin went together."

"What kind of car does he drive? One of those fancy Mercedes they seem to like?"

"No, man, he drove this huge suped up off-roading Jeep with harnesses and everything. It suited him."

"Why do ticks need an off-roading vehicle? They could just run."

"Beats me, but it was way more stellar than doc's car for sure."

"How did you manage it?"

"Emery, Brady, and Collin sat in back. Brady and Collin kept their noses covered."

I started laughing. "They did not."

"Yeah, they figured that was better than shifting. And the top was off, so there was plenty of breeze."

"Rain?"

"Sure, we got a bit damp, but better than the alternative."

"True that."

"You didn't cover your nose?"

"Nah. I wasn't going to look like a pansy."

"He didn't try anything?"

"If nothing else, we were trying not to gag. He's funny actually. Always cracking jokes."

"Jokes?" I asked surprised. Leeches knew jokes?

"Yeah, he told blond jokes on the way, which considering he's with the blood was hilarious."

That image just wouldn't fit in my head. "I can't imagine that."

"I'll show you next time you phase. You going tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Dad and I are."

"Does that mean you've got the all clear?"

"Enough to move around. Not completely. I can't phase yet, but pretty much everything else."

"That's good."

There was a moment of silence where I thought about that moment in the battle. Maybe he was too.

"Do you think she'll wake up soon?" I asked him.

"Sure. Doctor said she was looking good."

"Well that's something. It wasn't the doc was it?"

"Nah. Some old grey-haired white dude."

"Was it weird?"

"Yeah. It was like she was sleeping, right, but you knew she wasn't."

"Huh."

We talked a little about how patrols were going and how the pack was in general before he needed to go.

"Maybe I'll see you Friday."

"Yeah, man, sounds good."

"Try not to do anything stupid, Jake."

"You know me."

"Yeah, that's why I worry."

We both chuckled.

I sure hoped that spending time with the bloodsuckers hadn't duped Quil or any of the other guys. I doubted it. Our instincts would prevent it. At least no one in the pack could be tricked by the leeches' lies.

Whatever the reason, I had woken up early in a better mood than I had in a while. After showering, thank goodness for quick healing, I started making breakfast. By the time Dad had come out of his room it was almost ready.

He smiled with a "Good morning, Jake," satisfaction and relief heavy in his words.

I supposed that I had earned that. I hadn't been around to help him out like I used to be, and, then with me getting hurt, I had become even more of a burden to him. He understood, of course. He was Ephraim Black's grandson. Didn't make it any easier, though. He never brought up yesterday morning's conversation again. I was confident that he wouldn't. It was up to me to bring it up when I was ready. But how could I ever be ready when I couldn't give him what he was asking for? No, it would be better to just go ahead with my plan to find some way to expose the vermin for the treacherous, conniving, spawn that he was.

I finally got a "Morning, Dad," out as he wheeled himself to the table.

"Smells good."

"We still going to the hospital today?" I asked trying to keep my impetuousness of my tone.

"Uh-huh. Sue will be here in an hour. We'll drive her to work, go to the hospital, and then pick her up when she finishes her shift."

I nodded my agreement as I placed the last of breakfast onto the table and sat down. That would mean we'd be there nearly the whole visiting hours.

We sat in silence each eating our breakfast as we had done since my sisters had left. We were both comfortable with silence. I supposed that was one of the things I liked about Bella. She and I didn't have to fill the spaces either.

It wasn't much long after breakfast was finished, the table cleared, and dishes cleaned that I heard Sue coming up to our house. I had already put on the fake cast, so we immediately went out. Dad got into the front passenger seat while I put his chair and myself into the back.

Dad and Sue chatted about tribe stuff on the way to Sue's work. Once we dropped Sue off, I got into the driver's seat. It was weird in the cast, but driving with one hand wasn't terribly difficult. As we parked in the hospital lot, came up to the receptionist, received our badges, and went to Bella's room, my heart began to pound louder and louder. I hoped Bella being in the hospital wouldn't weird me out too much. We went into the room to see Charlie sitting in a chair, but no Bella.

Dad and Charlie exchanged greetings while I stared at Charlie my disappointment apparent.

"MRI," he said as if that explained it all.

"Know when she'll be back?" I asked trying to be nonchalant about it.

"No, but it won't take forever."

I sighed. Dad and Charlie started talking so I sat down in the only other chair in the room, which was on the far side. It was serene. No Bella and no vermin. It was like any moment someone was going to jump out and yell "Sike!" Cause, come on, although the vermin had eased up a bit, he usually didn't let Bella venture very far from him. I couldn't figure out why he wasn't here. Had he stolen her? Surely Charlie wouldn't be sitting here calmly if that were the case. Was he down at the MRI with her? I doubted they let anyone but medical staff near that kind of equipment.

So, I ended up sitting there with only my thoughts to keep my company while my father and Charlie gossiped like two old spinsters. Thirty minutes passed. Then fifteen more. Fifteen more. I swore the hands of the clock were slowing down.

"Did she get lost?" I finally asked Charlie.

"Nah, but she's not an emergency, so hers might have been bumped."

I nodded miserable.

Fifteen minutes, then another fifteen minutes passed. I swore this was worse that being a cripple at home.

"I'm going to head down to the cafeteria. Want anything Dad?" I put out my hand for money. He looked at me sternly and handed me a fiver.

"Don't spend it all in one place."

I grumbled as I headed out. I decided to explore the building on my way to find food. It wasn't a huge building, but there were enough departments and corridors I could see why people joked about getting lost here. Eventually, I found the cafeteria. I took my sweet time exploring options. I picked something and purchased it, but realized on my first bite that I had no real desire to eat it. It just tasted too plain. Hopefully it was nerves, because I didn't want to contemplate being sick again. I wrapped up what was left and brought to back to the room.

Fortunately when I rounded the corner, Bella was being wheeled in and settled into her room. I ended up in the hall to stay out of the staff's way. When I walked in I couldn't keep my eyes off her. She didn't look like she was sick at all. Quil had been right. She looked like she was sleeping and any minute she would wake up. I picked up the chair and took it to the other side of the bed. I wanted to hold her again like I had camping before the battle. Instead I placed her hand inside the two of mine. Charlie gave me a weary look, but said nothing.

Then I told her stories in hushed tones so that Charlie and my dad couldn't hear.

"Do you remember the first time we met when you moved to Forks? Our dads were trying to patch things up … It's amazing how different things look now. But even then I liked you. You were just the prettiest girl I had ever met. I knew I probably didn't stand much a of chance since you were older, but still … I still can't believe I ended up telling you the stories about the cold ones. That day at the beach was a good one though. Not sure if I liked all your pals from school. Mike especially seemed a little rude."

Then I told her about us in my garage working on her motorcycles. I told her about that horrible movie that we went to where Mike got sick. I told her about her sitting around the bonfire with the rest of the pack. Most of all, I told her about how our life would look together. I told her about the future I imagined with little Black/Swan rugrats. I talked like that till I heard Charlie speak.

"Doctor."

I hadn't noticed anyone had come in. Poor protector I was being. When I looked up he was looking at his papers, but attempting to subtly look at me.

"I see Bella has more visitors today," the doctor said to no one in particular.

"Yeah, well, they couldn't come yesterday," Charlie stated tersely.

The doctor seemed to collect himself. "Of course. Neurologists believe that visitors are helpful to patients like in Bella's situation. I'm glad you were able to make it," the doctor said to Dad while stepping forward to shake his hand.

"William Black. Glad to hear you're treating our Bella." The genuine relief that Dr. Cullen wasn't treating Bella was apparent in his tone. Thank goodness he didn't trust the doc despite their conversation. "And that's my son Jacob."

Dr. Whitaker's eyes narrowed at me calculating his eyes staying particularly long on Bella's hand in mine. "What happened?" he asked in a tone that suggested that he was trying to be conversational but failing miserably.

"Motorcycle," I grumbled.

"Dangerous things motorcycles. Hopefully you've learned your lesson?" he told me, but his tone held a warning that seemed out of place and he was looking at me in an evaluative fashion.

Yeah, learned that newborn bloodsuckers are strong as all get out, I wanted to say but I kept my mouth shut and just nodded slightly.

The doctor turned towards Charlie. "Wanted to let you know that the MRI came back clear. As a result, we're going to end the medication keeping her sedated. With any luck she'll wake up naturally."

"How long?" Charlie asked stoically.

"Everyone's different. Usually between 24 and 36 hours. More than that then we'll explore some other options."

"Okay," was Charlie's reply, but he suddenly looked ten years older.

The doctor seemed to stand there looking at Bella for longer than seemed normal. He looked at me, his features frustrated, and then his face fell. He looked sad and determined, but like the sadness was engraved in his features. Then he sighed heavily and left the room. When he was far enough away Dad looked at Charlie with his eyebrow raised.

"Doctor was worried about Bella's medical history. You'll have to thank Seth, Quil, Emery, Brady, Collin, Sue, Sam, and Emily for making it over. It seemed to help in many ways. The doctor's been focusing on getting her better rather than how Bella can't walk to feet without running into something." Charlie's scowl turned into a snicker. "Should have seen his face yesterday though. Those boys sure are huge, Billy. You guys putting something in the water?"

I wondered if what Charlie was talking about had anything to do with the strange looks the doctor had been giving me.

Dad laughed good naturally. "I'm glad they were able to make it. Maybe all this love we've showered her with will mean that she'll wake up on the shorter end rather than the longer end."

"That would be nice," agreed Charlie. "It's been a long couple of days."

"You've been home yet?"

"No. I can't leave her, Billy. I just can't. I could have lost her. If sitting here and telling her stories of her childhood can help in any way, then that's what I'm going to do. I know the doctor say she won't notice if I'm gone a few hours, but I'd rather be here."

Dad put his hand on Charlie's shoulder. We sat in silence for a while.

"Edward and Alice were supposed to be coming by later. Probably will be here soon."

Charlie looked at Dad wearily, knowing Dad's opinions on the Cullens. Perhaps he was giving Dad a way out such in case. Dad didn't react. I, of course, knew that Dad's thinking regarding the Cullens had changed, but mine hadn't. I considered if I wanted to stay to be the same room with them. Being here might be able to keep Edward from Bella I realised. Dad looked at me gauging my reaction to Charlie's announcement. Let them come.

I went back to telling Bella stories. After all the stories I could think of with her in it, I began with stories of the guys, and then antics I got up to when I was a kid.

I could smell the stench of the vermin and the future-seer before they got to the room.

"For Bella," the vermin said to Charlie once they had entered the room while he handed over a duffle bag. He seemed a little off. I couldn't really put my finger on it, but if I didn't know better I would have said he looked sick. On top of that the future-seeing one stayed usually close to him. I wondered if she was scared to be here with me. She was little after all.

Charlie peeked inside, nodded, and zipped it back up.

"Hello Jacob, Billy," the future-seeing one said.

"Billy," the vermin nodded his head. He didn't treat Dad any differently than before I noted, but I needed to think about something else. I focused on the memory of Bella and I kissing.

"How's everything healing, Jacob?" the vermin asked concern clouding his voice and features.

 _Now you care, cretin?_ He didn't even wince. If I didn't know better, I would have never known he could read my thoughts. "Healing fine. Doc gave me the all clear to leave the house, so good as new, I guess."

"I'm glad, Jacob." And he certainly looked like he was glad, well as glad as a bloodsucker could be. _Your acting skills don't fool anyone, bloodsucker,_ I told him.

"Where were you this morning? I was certain you wouldn't give Bella five minutes peace." My voice was scathing.

My dad eyed me reproachfully.

Charlie didn't seem impressed with my comment either.

He responded smooth as silk, calm as a cucumber. "Alice convinced me it would be better to come in later. She thought you'd appreciate some time with Bella before we got here."

 _And she knew that Bella would have the MRI, didn't she?_

He didn't respond, which just confirmed everything.

I felt like hitting something and my hands began to shake. I had sat here all morning when that bloodsucker knew that Bella wouldn't be here anyway. Stupid future-seeing leech.

Dad looked between the vermin and I. "That was thoughtful of you … Alice. Thank you," he offered.

She shrugged like it was nothing.

It wasn't like they had actually done us a favour. They just didn't want to be stuck here waiting for her like I had been. They twisted everything to their liking and made it seem like they were doing good when they weren't. How others bought their lies without a second thought disgusted me.

"How is she, Charlie?" the vermin asked after a moment or two.

"They're taking her off the medication. The doctor said 24 to 36 hours for her to wake up naturally."

The vermin and the future-seeing one exchanged a meaningful look. Future-seeing leech probably already knew the day.

The vermin's eyes twinkled mischievously, and I knew that I had guessed correctly.

Awkwardness abounded. No one really wanted to talk. Too many potential conflicts and no one wanted to be the reason that the fragile peace between our two kinds was broken except maybe me. But I couldn't think about anything I could say in front of Charlie, so I kept my mouth shut. After a little while the vermin and future-seeing shortie started moving oddly. He'd move his head to the side, then shortly after shrug, nod his head, or shake his head. She made these small strange movements as well. It almost seemed like they were having a silent conversation. How does Bella put up with that? I imagined that it would drive her bonkers.

I saw the side of the vermin's mouth turn upwards. I wondered if he was responding to something she thought at him or my thought. Standing here watching him respond to invisible things made his ability even more infuriating. Who knows what the two of them could be conspiring on?

The vermin looked at me spoke slightly slower than he usually did. He had never done that before. Usually his words were like a practiced crispness or a contained rage. If he had started slurring I would have guessed he was drunk. "Alice wants to go through all of Bella's clothes while Bella is in here and redo her wardrobe. I have been _trying_ ," he looked meaningful at the future-seeing one, "to convince her that Bella looks fine in the clothes she has and that it is up to Bella what to wear. And _no one_ will be getting rid of Bella's things while she is in the hospital." He looked at her sternly with the last sentence.

 _You mean to tell me that you've been having a silent argument about Bella's_ clothes? I thought incredulously.

He nodded and then smiled. Looking at me he asked, "Shall you try to convince her?"

I swore he was enjoying bringing me into the conversation.

She pouted and crossed her arms in defiance. "I can't help it if Bella needs fashion help. This seems like a great time. Then when she wakes up I'll have it all done for her."

"Bella doesn't _like_ surprises," the vermin muttered emphatically but in that same slow tone.

She turned to Charlie. "Charlie, would you mind if I went through all of Bella's clothes and updated her wardrobe?" She smiled sweetly like this conversation was the kindest thing she could ever do for Bella.

What did I know about Bella's clothes? They seemed fine to me.

Charlie looked up caught off guard, as he probably hadn't been paying attention to us at all, then coughed, and then tried to repress a smile. "Alice, you know that I wouldn't mind." Her face lit up. "But, they're not my clothes. And I learned a long time ago not to mess with women's things. She'll be awake soon enough. You can ask her then." Charlie's smile could no longer be suppressed.

"But …" then her pout became even more pronounced. It was unnerving. I wished that they'd stop it. I didn't like them appearing so _human_. I reminded myself that that was a part of their parlour tricks. Their appearance was only meant to bring down people's defences. Maybe Charlie would fall for it like Dad had, but I wouldn't. I knew what they were.

I no longer wanted to know what their non-spoken conversations were about. I certainly didn't want another exchange about Bella's clothes.

Shortly after that Charlie and Dad lapsed back into the conversation they had been in before.

I sat looking at Bella remembering our times together while trying to ignore that Bella had said yes to marrying the vermin and focus instead on her kissing me. We stayed like that for a while till Dad puttered out of his conversation and looked at me.

"We should head out and pick up Sue."

I looked at the time. Sure enough. That pleased me. _Visitor hours are almost over leech._

I got up and began wheeling my dad out the door. _Know that when she wakes up I'm going to be fighting for her_ , were my departing words as we took the first steps down the hall.

It sounded like he was whispering quick nonsense to Bella about how much he loved her and missed her and would see her tomorrow.

I was glad that my plan had worked. My staying had limited the vermin's time with her. I wondered how I might convince my dad to bring me again tomorrow.

As soon as I got home I took off the cast. I had to say that they had done a decent job. I would have thanked them if they weren't leeches. Probably they did it as part of the scheme against us. After dinner I sat in my bed thinking about today and where I stood with Bella. Her accident with the deer had prevented us talking, so I didn't yet know how the vermin had reacted to me kissing her or know how Bella felt, but as each day had passed I had grown in confidence that Bella would have seen the vermin's true nature and sent him packing.

I wanted her to wake up and tell me that she wanted me for the rest of her life, but I wasn't sure that she would. I decided that I needed a strategy for once Bella woke up. I spent the rest of the night working on that.


	20. Bella–Angels and Wolves

Chapter 20: Bella–Angels and Wolves

* * *

Once again my location has been changed spontaneously. This new location is a meadow. It's oval shaped surrounded on all sides by trees, yet they haven't overcome this space. Thus where there are no trees are small wild flowers and grasses. The space feels familiar and exciting somehow. It fills with me with a strong bubbly anything-is-possible sensation. This new sensation is intimidating and therefore uncomfortable, but the meadow itself is lovely like out of a picture. As my eyes traverse the space, they come across this one spot where my body is flooded with a sinking feeling and a sense that the end of my life is near. This sensation only lasts a few seconds when a surprised feeling then overwhelms my system. More than any other space, this one has created intensely strong reactions. That fact that it does so is curious and leaves me confused.

The safe solid comforting voice is here with me as well. It is incredible how that voice has followed me to all these places. My angel has been in the other spaces, but for short visits or he has been focused on others who had also visited me. This safe solid voice talks to me, tells me stories, explains things.

Quickly putting those thoughts aside, my body lies down in the grass and settles into this location while my eyes cannot help but look up at the cloudy sky. The feeling of tranquillity fills me for a bit, but then some construction or something must be happening nearby because there is all this chatter, but in crisp short commands, and there are these loud repetitive banging noises like how a hammer would sound pounding into the ground. But the earth doesn't shake and there are no other construction sounds like diggers. My brain cannot supply what diggers sound like going forward, but it does tell me that they made an annoying beep-beep sound when they back up. If even possible, it seems like the combination of the banging from the tunnel and the printing press from the cave. It's quite disorientating and confusing as to what all these sounds could mean. The construction noises seem to go on forever. Finally the loud pounding stops and eventually the other noises also die down.

The safe, solid, comforting voice returns along with someone else. It sounds strong, ancient, powerful, and yet kind. Suddenly a wolf the size of a horse shows up in my meadow. Oddly there is no fear upon his arrival, as if he belongs here. He opens his mouth and words come out, but they are slightly too fast and distorted, so instead my ears just take in the tone. The tone in itself is soothing, so trying to understand what he's saying becomes less important. It is the custom anyway in these locations, other than the mothering angel and the comforting voice, that the words have not been clear to me, so there seems to be no reason for concern. The wolf comes and lies on the grass about ten feet away from me.

His voice is grounding like staring up at the sun, and having its warmth rain down on me. It doesn't create strong intense emotions like how my angel did, but rather gives me a gentle continuous calmness. Mostly his voice brings me a sense of serenity, but sometimes his tone changes and it's harsh and cold. When this happens it is as if he's putting heavy clouds in front of the sun and made it chilly here in the meadow. He needs to not do that. Fortunately those moments don't last and he goes back to how he was before.

We stay like that: me laying in the grass and wild flowers staring at the sky listening to this wolf the size of a horse. After a while, some of his words begin to filter through. Initially it would be just one word then incomprehension then another word. It takes a little bit, but by focusing closely eventually more comes through. It is an odd story set in the future. He tells of living together, having children together, growing old together, how he would protect us and provide for our future. Certainly there have been many things through my travels that had been incomprehensible as well as many things that had confused me, but this takes the cake. He sounds genuine, but he is a wolf. Wolves and humans can't do those things together.

Then my musical angel's voice comes. He's far away giving the impression that he's near, but focused on others. There's a part of me that wishes that his focus would be solely on me, but that's not reasonable. He's an angel after all. I can't be his only charge. It's like my selfishness and jealousy knows no bounds. As such, I attempt to ignore my irritation that he gives me so little attention. Suddenly the wolf disappears. The wolf's voice can still be heard, but far away like where the musical angel is. The wolf and my angel sound like they're in conflict, which upsets me. My mind is filled with an image of me standing between them with a hand on each of them telling them to be friends. Can wolves be friends with angels? My mind considers the possibility for a while. Why not? If phoenixes and angles can come together in a friendly manner, a wolf and angels doesn't seem that far fetched.

Then there is a second angel. This is one from yesterday, not the mother angel, but the other female one, the energetic one. Focusing and giving all my concentration to the noises they are producing, it almost sounds like they are discussing my clothes. Attempting to conjure a universe where two angels and a wolf converse about my wardrobe seems impossible. The only conclusion left is that the sounds aren't coming through clearing once more. Looking at the sky is like looking at waves, soothing. Comprehending the words on the wind matters less.

Shortly later the ancient voice and the wolf's voice leave. Then my angel's voice got closer, but speeds up so that the words go by too fast for me to catch them. The attention soothes some of my frustrations and disappointments, but doesn't stop my wish that he would slow down. His words are said as if they were on a bullet train passing by my meadow: impossible to catch. They are gone just about the time I recognized that something had been passing me. It is a disconcerting feeling. Why couldn't his words be like the mothering angel's? Her words were fine. Or even the wolf's words, even though they were baffling. Growing frustrated isn't going to help, so instead I lounge once more on the grass and simply let these bullet train words speed by.

Then out of the blue my ears could barely hear my angel say, "Come back to me, Bella. I'm waiting for you. I'll be back tomorrow."

Clinging onto his words "I'll be back tomorrow" my mind replays them over again paying attention to more than just the words. He sounded more than reluctant to say the words; he was sad; he didn't want to say them. Could it be that his sadness is because he doesn't want to leave me rather than he doesn't want to be burdened to come back? It seems like too much to ask for.

He had said similar words before. Each time he had said, "I'll be back" he had left and been gone for a while, but then he would visit me again. Maybe that's what tomorrow means–to leave, but to come and visit again. If my guess is correct, then tomorrow is a good thing, but it would be even better if he wouldn't leave at all. On the other hand, if he does have to leave, returning is important. It would seem like angels could come and go as they please, but maybe they can't. Maybe he is constrained in some way or has some responsibility that takes him away from me, and it saddens me. It's a silly pipedream. Nevertheless, it increases my yearning for others to be able to hear me. If my wish were to come true, I would ask him to please stay.

Additionally, he had asked me to come back to him. That part confuses me. He is the one who comes to my locations and leaves. His words, "I'm waiting for you" is also confusing. Waiting for what? He spoke the words as if the some action is required on my part not his, but that makes no sense. Everyone visits me, not the other way around, and, then to make matters worse, they fail to respond to my words as if they couldn't hear me. Isn't for a lack of effort on my part, for sure. On top of that, if there is some action needed on my part, why hadn't he just told me what it was? Could he have not just given me directions from the meadow to wherever he went? Then he is gone leaving me still lying on my back.

After what seems like a really long time that safe comforting voice starts talking to me again. "We got good news today, Bells. Dr. Whitaker said that your MRI looked good, so he's going to end the medication keeping you sedated." There's a long pause before he can be heard again. "I hope that you would wake up soon. I'm sorry I haven't been around much and involved like maybe I should have been. I always thought it was best for you to have a mother. I always missed you, though. With Dr. Whitaker's questions I can't help but wonder if I was wrong. What if Renée wasn't fit to be your guardian? I haven't felt like I've had much room to be a strong disciplinarian. I only saw you for a few weeks in the summer and then you were already seventeen by the time you moved in. Nearly an adult, really. I tried to help you be happy here with me, but after all those stories from yesterday I have to wonder if perhaps you needed more guidance and structure. Whatever it was, I'm sorry."

A long time goes by and it seems like he isn't going to say anything more when he spoke once again. "Honestly, Bells, I'm reluctant to give Edward a second chance. He hurt you bad in the way he handled things. But, even I can see that Edward seems more responsible recently, especially with Jacob's motorcycle accident." My ears take in the sounds and words, although they make no sense to my brain. "I can see maybe why you perceived Jacob as immature. I've seen both of them act pretty childish, but since you came into the hospital Edward's really shown a lot of maturity. I still think the boy isn't good enough for you and that he has a lot to learn, but, contrary to good sense, I'm reluctantly willing to give him the second chance you've been begging me for."

There are a few moments of silent. Then, he started chuckling. "I don't know how you and Alice get on so well, I swear the two of you are oil and vinegar. You'd be proud of your own man today. I held my own against her and told her that she can't mess with your clothes even if I have to use bloodhounds." He chuckles some more.

This also makes little sense, but the Alice and clothes part stuck out. Bringing the memory to my mind of the conversation that had previously been confusing, my mind replays the little that my ears had picked up. Alice is a girl's name and one of the angel's had sounded like a girl. There had been a male angel and a male wolf and the three of them had been talking about my clothes. Although strange, this safe strong voice seems to be confirming the idea that the angels and wolf had, in fact, been talking about my clothes.

Alice. It's a good name, a name that suits her. The confirmation that she is an angel helps a lot. My brain tries to name all the angels that had visited me thus far. There was Esme, the mothering angel, Edward and Emmett from yesterday, but only Edward today. So Emmett must have the baritone voice. It is nice to know that some of my guesses are being proven correct. The safe voice had mentioned Edward yesterday and now he was again today. My angel had come to visit me in both places, so it made sense that Edward is the name of my angel, which also is a nice confirmation. The angel Alice had wanted to change my clothes, but my angel had disagreed with her and Jacob seemed incredulous regarding the conversation. My reaction had been on the same page as Jacob, which was why my brain had dismissed the exchange in the beginning assuming that the words had come through garbled in some way. By a process of elimination it seems that Jacob is the name of the wolf. That feels right somehow.

For an unknown reason that knowledge gives me a sense of being settled. Other than the mother angel, this voice talking about Alice and Edward and Jacob is the best in helping clarifying things. An MRI is still a mystery, as is the fact that he thought I would wake up, since obviously I am already awake. How could someone who is awake wake up? That is confusing. The tone is like my angel's yearning, asking me to do something beyond my understanding. Why don't they just speak plainly like the mothering angel?

"Jacob is healing well. It looks like there won't be any lasting damage. He's lucky. He could have ended up paralyzed."

Jacob is lucky. That makes no sense to me. The rest is absolutely incomprehensible.

Then there is nothing, which is fine by me, as the silence is comfortable.

After a while he starts talking again. "You performed a miracle, Bella. I couldn't believe my eyes to see Billy here, but he loves you. I'm glad he getting over his old prejudices and I think you had a little to do with that. Ever since Dr. Cullen was at Billy's house to fix up Jacob, things have been different. I'm glad to see the old hatchet buried."

His words give me helpful information while the time spent in each location has also taught me things. Connections appear clear in my mind like how the angels all go together and the phoenixes go together. The ancient one and the wolf go together. Given what was just said, the ancient one is probably Billy and Billy belongs with Jacob. Perhaps for the first time a smile stretches across my face as my eyes watch the clouds. There have been too many voices at all of my locations for me to figure them all out, but these conclusions give me hope. If these puzzle pieces can be discovered, perhaps more information would also come in time.

Then something else comes to me. My angel and the mothering angel had mentioned Bella as if addressing me and here it is again. That must be my name: Bella. Knowing my own name pleases me. I am called Bella. That is a delightful confirmation.

Silence fills the space once more. My mind begins to wonder if their request to get closer to them is possible after all. Certainly more of their words have been coming in clearly. Maybe this is the message they have been trying to convey to me. In the tunnel I had followed the light. Perhaps this time I could follow a sound. This thought instils in me something different. After a while my brain supplies what is: hope.

No longer is it a choice of desperation or frustration. I want this. And I have hope that searching won't be as impossible as it had seemed when the safe voice or my angel had suggested it. A plan is needed, however. This isn't like the tunnel where there were only two options. Walking around the meadow to see if there is a trail seems like the best idea. If there is a trail, then perhaps it could be followed to the road and from the road to a place where help could be found.

My mind places the risks verses the possible payoffs against each other. I decide that staying in the meadow won't get me any closer to these voices. If there is a chance to find them, then I want to take it. For the first time, since my plan began to be formulated, the realization dawns on me that at least one voice is needed as a helpful starting point. Then a new piece is added to my plan: waiting till my ears pick up a voice and use that as a reference point to discern when my movements bring me closer or further away. Decision made; plan set; I lie in the grass and wait.

Silence after silence lasts so long that doubt arises. Would a voice ever speak again? As the silence lingers, my brain tells me that the meadow is too silent. There isn't the sound of the movement of the trees or critters large and small. There aren't birds chirping. There isn't one sound at all of any kind except this strange rhythmic beeping. It isn't an offensive beeping. It is almost like drumming. Perhaps this sound, too, comes from far away, from where the voices dwell.

My decision is made; I am not about to change it. Perhaps, though, instead of waiting for a voice, this strange sound could be my guiding point. After quite some time lying in the grass debating whether to risk following a sound that might or might not get me to the voices, my mind still has not found a resolution. Waiting for a voice to start my journey sounds safer, more sensible. At the same time, even as enjoyable the meadow is, there is an excitement urging me to begin my journey. It takes a long while, but eventually my decision is made. Getting up I begin exploring the area searching for where the sound is the loudest.

Everything begins to feel different. The ease, the buoyancy had in previous locations is gone. My body feels heavy, but the rhythmic beeping is very loud. My brain is desperately attempting to understand why everything is black and my eyes feel as if they are closed. They haven't been closed at any other location. After a while, awareness dawns that in order to learn about this new location my eyes need to be open. I look around, but this place is terribly confusing. Nothing about it makes sense. It's not a tunnel or a cave or even a storeroom filled with TVs. Neither is it a beach nor a meadow. There is a blinking stand thing next to me. It gives off the only light in the room. It is making a beeping noise. On my right someone is asleep in a chair. Then a door opens and footsteps come near to me. The doorway lets in diffuse light. The beeping quickens. Then the outline of someone surrounded by the light from the doorway appears.

"Hello, Bella. How are you feeling this early morning?" this strange shadow asks.

He sounds somewhat like the angels from the beach. Forcing my mind to review that location the angels were Esme, Alice, Emmett, and Edward, my angel. As I do so, there seems to be a part of my mind that wants to let go of these memories, as if they do not hold value in this new location, but I refuse to allow that to happen. These memories are important. They are my anchors in this storm. In these memories I had discovered the names of many of the voices, I had learned about Alice wanting to replace my clothes, how the safe comforting voice was going to give Edward a second chance, and how I had brought the Cullens and Quileutes together. No, that information is important. I can't lose any of it.

Blinking I attempt to gather my thoughts. Although this man standing in front of me sounds like an angel, I can't place his voice and thus have no name for him. Rather than focus on this, however, I review what he had asked me. The images of what has just transpired passed through my mind. During my thoughts he moved to the foot of my bed the right side of his face illuminated well enough from the doorway light, but his left side stays in the shadows. It isn't unsettling, rather oddly reassuring like it represents him. He looks at me like he knows me and will take care of me. His white coat and a strange instrument around his neck are puzzling, however.

"Fine," I answer with a question mark intonation at the end.

He smiles warmly. His golden eyes shine with concern. "If it's alright I'd like to give you a brief exam. I can turn the lights on or leave them off. Up to you."

His words make little sense. Uncertain of what he expects from me I settled on, "I'm fine."

The smile remains, but his eyes seem to become even more concerned. He comes closer to me on the right side of the bed.

"Open your mouth, please."

I do as he requested.

He shines a light into my mouth.

"Now if you can follow this with your eyes."

I follow the light with my eyes.

"Can you sit up?"

Although uncertain, I believe it would be worth a try, and discover that I can. He takes his strange instrument that is around his neck and puts the U part into his ears and then the straight end like a Y onto my chest.

After a minute he asks, "Take some deep breaths, please," while he places the tool on my back.

He looks at me seriously with warmth. "Are you in any pain or discomfort?"

While considering how to answer his question, the rest of me demands attention. Finally sorting through all the impulses, I find an answer. "Not really. My hand is sore and I'm stiff in my shoulders."

Giving this stranger my full attention, his skin is alabaster and almost glows where the light touches it. He is cold in temperature, looks young, maybe mid to late twenties, and his hair is golden. He looks like he could be Zeus' younger better-looking brother. Definitely an angel I decide. A part of me wishes that he could be my angel, but the voice doesn't sound right. My angel's voice was more musical in quality. Nor does his voice match my memory of the angel Emmett. This angel's voice has a crisper gentle yet professional calm and kind quality to it. It comforts me and gives me a sense of safety. Emmett's voice was deep and strong like the Green Giant.

"That's to be expected," he says as he watches me carefully. "I'd like to ask you some questions. Would that be okay?"

"Okay." It seems that no matter what I have said his features haven't changed, but it is written in his eyes. He is worried.

"What's your name?"

Considering that, I try to remember what the previous voices had called me. "Bella," I reply with a questioning intonation at the end. Was there something also there about Bells? If there had been, it wasn't coming to me.

"That's good. What's your full name, Bella?"

Confusion overwhelms my mind. I have a full name? That question makes no sense. Did that have something to do with Bells? I just look back at him with a puzzled look on my face.

A flash of something is on his features but it is gone before I can name it. He continues to smile warmly. It begins to remind me of how someone might smile to a small child. "No problem. We'll try another one," he tells me tenderly as if it's no big deal.

I could feel my features smooth out. He doesn't speak like whispers on the wind or like a bullet train. I can understand him clearly. He is kind and patient. Although he has said many confusing things, I like him almost as much as the mothering angel. Maybe he'll ask me a question that I know the answer to.

"Do you know who that man is asleep next to you?"

My memory tries to place him. My eyes take in every feature of his. He isn't Renée or Phil, and without him speaking there is no way to place his voice.

"No," I say.

Nevertheless, something inside me says that he is familiar in a way. Searching through my memories I ask, "Is he the one that has talked to me the most?" He had never told me his name and had never shown himself in the other locations.

The angel in the white coat nodded encouragingly.

"His voice is comforting and safe," I told the angel.

The angel's eyes look as if they are processing what I had said and are trying to decide what to do next.

"What about me?"

I consider that. "No," I tell him, "but I know that I can trust you."

Something in my statement brings sadness to his eyes.

"Do you know what the year is?"

I look around. There is a calendar, but it is too far away to read. "No."

"Do you know where you are?"

I look around some more. This location isn't like any of the places where I had been before.

"No," I answer sadly.

He pauses a moment like he had expected my answer. "I am Dr. Carlisle Cullen, but you can call me Carlisle. You are in a hospital. You were in a bad car accident and hit your head."

I instantly find my hand touching my head. I have vague memories of the comforting voice mentioning the name Dr. Cullen.

"You also broke some other bones. They are healing nicely." The man next to me stirred. "Do you want to wake him?"

I look at the angel, Dr. Carlisle Cullen, he had said. So, definitely not Edward. I wonder if angels know each other. I don't know how to answer his question.

"I think he would like to be woken," the angel says reassuringly after a few minutes.

"Okay."

Carlisle, I remind myself, moves around my bed to the man next to me. He places his hand lightly on the sleeping man's shoulder. "Charlie, Bella's woken up."

A brief loud rumbling sound comes from the sleeping man's mouth as he inhales. Carlisle removes his hand. Then the sleeping man, Charlie, Carlisle had called him, opens his eyes blinking.

He looks straight at me. "Hey, Bells. Nice to see you awake."

A huge smile encompasses my face. I had been right. His voice is exactly as I remembered it, only louder and clearer in comparison to the other locations. Comparatively to the soft quiet voice of Carlisle, Charlie's voice sounds rough and loud. Nevertheless, I am safe with that voice.

"Hi." I try to smile reassuringly.

Charlie smiles at me, but it doesn't reach his eyes. He is worried.

"Charlie, let's go talk in the hall," Carlisle tells him.

He nods and both men leave the room. I can't hear what they are saying. It is almost like before. I can hear the voices, but the sound doesn't come through in a way that allows me to understand it. That is okay. I am used to it.

I think about what Carlisle had said. He called himself Doctor Carlisle Cullen. Maybe that's what he meant by full name. He has three names. No, some deep recess of my brain says, he has two. Carlisle is his name and Cullen is his family name–a last name. Doctor is a title for a job. A light bulb flashes in my brain. Doctor. He is a doctor. A doctor helps heal people. This location is a hospital–a place where people go to get better.

The safe voice, Charlie, had mentioned about me being in the hospital in the previous locations. I can't help but wonder why Charlie had told me that I was in the hospital, this location, when I had been in other locations. With me seeing what the word hospital meant, I had certainly not been at a hospital before. Yet, the word hospital and the feeling of this room are familiar. I don't like it here, although there is no memory to match the feeling.

My mind begins to put pieces of information together. Somehow in my search for these voices when I had left the meadow, I had gotten hurt. What Carlisle had said about a car didn't make sense, but hitting my head does. I am in a hospital and Carlisle will help heal me so I can leave. Carlisle has indeed been very helpful. I decide that I liked him as much as Charlie, although the mothering angel still trumps them both.

The two men begin to make their way back to me. Charlie has a smile on his face, but pain is also there. Carlisle has the same reassuring kind smile from before, but his eyes look sad and concerned. Charlie stands at the end of my bed. Carlisle stands near the end, but on my right side.

"Can you tell us what you do remember, Bella?" Carlisle asks.

Thinking back I try to figure out what they might want to know. "Um, I remember … Charlie," yes, that is right, Charlie.

He smiles when I say his name, but his eyes still look sad.

"He talked to me a lot." I smile at him.

He smiles back with a same expression.

"I remember him talking to me about lots of things. I remember visitors. My last visitors had been talking about my clothes." I add a questioning intonation at the end of the sentence to verify. "Alice was the girl …" I am not sure if mentioning about the angels and wolves part is a good idea. They had asked, though. And I feel safe, so I add, "there was also a wolf and an angel. I think they were Edward and Jacob." I pause working to remember some more. "Oh, and there was someone named Billy. I knew the name Alice matched the girl angel's name because she was the only girl there."

Charlie begins to look more worried and confused, yet hopeful, while Carlisle's eyes twinkle.

Charlie's reaction bothers me.

I try to think what might ease his worry and confusion. "Oh. A mothering angel came a while back and told me that she loved me, that I was already her daughter, and to hurry back." I grin glad to tell them that.

Carlisle's eyes shine with adoration and love.

Charlie looks less worried and more confused.

"Yes. She came and visited you two days ago. Yesterday was Edward, Alice, Jacob, and Billy. The day before that you had many visitors including Edward, Alice, and Esme, the mothering angel as you called her," Carlisle told me. I appreciated how he clarified things.

"Esme?" Charlie breathed.

Pondering that, of course the mothering angel has a name. It pleases me that I had guessed it correctly. Esme. The name suits her.

"Anything else?"

I consider his question. "Well, Jake and Billy go together. And naturally all the angels go together. Charlie talked about the Cullens and Quileutes, and you said you were Doctor Carlisle Cullen, so I'm assuming the angels are Cullens."

Carlisle's smile grew and the twinkling in his eyes increased. "Yes, Alice, Emmett, Edward, Esme, and I are Cullens. Jake, Billy, and Jake's friends that visited you yesterday are Quileutes."

A thank you smile graces my face and I nod knowingly.

"Anything else?" Carlisle asks me.

"No. I don't think so," I let him know.

Carlisle turned to Charlie. "Charlie, let's go get you some coffee." Then he looks at me warmly. "Will you be okay here by yourself for a little bit?"

Looking down at myself "What happened about the clothes?" I ask then look at Charlie.

He seems to compose himself and clears his throat. "Edward and Alice brought over a bag of your belongings." He points to a duffle bag on the floor. "I believe they also packed some toiletries as well."

Much of what he has just said is confusing except that there is a bag with my stuff in it. I begin to move towards it. Carlisle quickly steps towards me and puts his hand on my leg. Even through the sheet and blanket he feels cold.

"Let me get a nurse to help you. We don't want you to get hurt any more than you are."

Nodding in agreement with his statement, I have to agree that certainly getting more hurt seems unwise.

He pats me. "Good girl. I'll tell the nurse on my way out and they'll send in someone soon."

Again my head bobs in agreement despite my uncertainty regarding what a nurse was, but Carlisle had said that a nurse would help, so I decide to wait for a nurse.

The men leave with Charlie asking questions and Carlisle giving answers in a grave tone, although their words are lost to me.

Hopefully they will come back soon and this location will be my dwelling place for a while.

* * *

 _A/N: And thus we come to the end of the 5th round of povs. As always, I cannot express my level of gratitude for sharing your thoughts about each chapter and the story with me. Now back to Alice ..._


	21. Alice–Too Late

**The reference to how Edward was after he left Bella comes from Saudade by Haemophilus Leona used here with permission.**

Chapter 21: Alice–Too Late

* * *

Edward was quiet on our way home, no doubt lost in his thoughts about Bella. The time at the hospital with Jacob and Billy had been straining at best. Although Edward had done a remarkable job in presenting himself as human and acting the part, having only a few hours in Bella's presence and all but ten minutes without the dog there hadn't helped. Frankly, it was no wonder that Edward had lost it last night. A repeat performance tonight wouldn't be surprising. Carlisle was right. He was asking too much of himself.

"Want to talk about it?" I asked aloud unsure in his mental state how well his gift was working.

He looked at me out of the corner of his eye. "She _will_ wake up, won't she?" His voice was tinged with sadness and doubt.

I wasn't sure what was worse–seeing Edward lose it or seeing him defeated like this.

"I haven't gotten anything different," I reassured him. "Do you want to see it again?"

He nodded despondently. His whole body seemed to be resisting leaving her, quaking with grief and need. The further away from the hospital we got the more he looked like he wanted to bolt. Good thing he was driving in order to keep him better tethered to the car.

I pulled into my mind the image of her waking up on Friday.

"She didn't wake up well last time," he said almost to himself. "She was confused at first and then terrified that I would disappear."

I remembered. Pulling the memory of that vision up I slowed it down and watched it carefully. "Yes, that is true, Edward, but see here," I pull up the moment, "when you tell her you're going to leave, you're not going to do that this time. Are you?"

"No," he nearly growled and whined at me simultaneously. "As long as she wants me, I can't leave, and even then I would have to stay nearby. I am a mess without her."

"The two of you have been through a lot since then," I reassured him. "Neither of you are the same and your relationship is not the same. The fact that she agreed to marry you and you agreed to change her must count for something."

Long minutes passed between us before he spoke again. "I miss her Alice. Obviously, I'm not doing well without her. Leaving her at the hospital today felt too similar to when we left Forks. I have this foreboding feeling that I can't shake. I don't know how much longer of being apart from her like this I can take. Jasper can't keep me sedated indefinitely."

"We could always dismember you and then put you back together when she wakes up," I teased.

"Perhaps that would have been easier for everyone concerned," he said playfully.

"Certainly easier on Jasper," I said light heartedly with a grin across my face. "It's a day and a bit. From what I saw, it'll just be you and Charlie tomorrow and you'll be the only one in the room when she wakes up on Friday. You're nearly at the finish line. You've gone through worse."

He nodded grimly.

"No thoughts of running away?"

He chuckled darkly. "Always, but I learned my lesson, Alice. Don't worry."

"Well forgive me," I said teasingly and then stuck out my tongue at him. "You know I'm only thinking of Esme. She wouldn't take kindly to you breaking your promise."

"Naturally. No alternative motives on your part at all my dear sister."

"Clean as snow," I told him enthusiastically.

"If humans only knew how unclean snow has become with acid rain and polluting the atmosphere," he deadpanned.

"Yes, my dear brother. Let's not ruin the metaphor for the unsuspecting humans."

He smiled slightly.

 _Now, see, that wasn't so hard was it?_

He scowled at me. "How are things looking on the Dr. Whitaker front?"

"About the same. We should have a family meeting and make a final decision when Carlisle comes home."

He nodded in agreement. "Any ill consequences for Jacob?"

"You know I can't see that," I scowled.

"Obviously. But you can see Dr. Whitaker. Any decisions he's making that are about Jacob or where his future disappears?"

I looked. "Not yet. Nothing substantial anyway."

"That's good."

"Why do you care if the pup trying to steal your girl gets some backlash?"

"First, he's Bella's best-friend apart from you and Bella wouldn't like if what we did negatively impacted him. Second, I promised her I would be noble. I enjoy the thought of him getting what's coming to him, but I'm trying to not give in to that part of my nature."

I shook my head. "You ask too much of yourself, Edward."

"Perhaps. But she would prefer it this way."

"I wouldn't be competing for best-friend status with a _pup_ if you had been a little less noble," I hissed. "Or at least had listened to my advice."

"I've already apologised, oh great and powerful one. I will again and again until you know how badly I feel." A smiled graced his lips before he grew unnecessarily solemn. "I am sorry, Alice. I was an idiot. You of all of us know how much of an idiot I can be. I'm sorry that my demanding that we leave caused you to no longer be Bella's sole best-friend."

I mentally stilled my thoughts. We couldn't undo the past. What was done was done. Getting mad at him again wasn't going to help anything. "I know Edward. And I've already forgiven you. You might be noble, but I can't help it if that pup is a thorn in my side."

He smiled slightly in a knowingly fashion.

"Any progress on figuring out why your visions started going backwards?" he asked after a few moments.

These are the hardest questions around Edward. I've trained myself to focus on the question rather than jump to the answer, then based on the question decide what to think about, and thus answer. It doesn't always work.

"A little, but nothing substantial yet. If I get anything, I'll let you know."

"You drew it out?"

He must have caught a short glimpse of my drawings in my mind.

"I thought it might help with making comparisons."

He nodded like he agreed.

I began bringing images of Jazz to my mind.

He pulled back the question he was about to ask.

"I'll try to find a way that you can sneak in into the hospital and have time with her tonight. No moping, please. If everything else fails, I'm sure we can find something for you to do till visiting hours tomorrow." Flashes of different family activities went through my mind.

"No, thanks. I think I got my fill of family game night last night." He tried to grimace, but he didn't fool me. He had enjoyed himself even if the night hadn't ended so well. "But even an hour to be with her … " he continued.

"I'll do my best and perhaps in a little bit I can show you what I have thus far?" That seemed to help ease some of his tension. "However, I need your solemn word that if it gets to be too much you'll come to one of us and ask for a distraction or to be confined. We can't read _your_ mind, you know." I smiled cheekily.

"Fine," he grumbled.

Relieved that I didn't need to spend the next few hours watching Edward's future in order to stop him from doing something idiotic, when we got home I searched out Jazz. Between the family's intervention and then being Edward's babysitter today my husband and I hadn't had any time together since yesterday late afternoon. Jazz never did get the chance to explain the details of what he had seen in regards to my drawings. The family had decided that having Edward alone was a bad plan especially at the hospital with a wolf there. Emmett and Rosalie didn't want to go and Jasper wasn't willing to chance being in the hospital. Carlisle or Esme would have gone, of course, but they needed time together. Carlisle had promised Billy that he wouldn't be there outside of his regular shift hours. And Esme accompanying him would have given the impression to the Quileutes that Edward needed parental supervision, which we agreed wasn't the best since they already were tense about Edward and Bella. We debated of whether Emmett should also go with us, but Edward insisted that he would be fine. After our intervention he seemed usually compliant, and I think we all felt bad about what had happened, so we agreed and I was chosen since I was more likely to be able to stop Edward _before_ he did something stupid.

Oddly, the picture of my vision for today hadn't included me. Something was changing the visions to have further discrepancies than yesterday. It was disconcerting. Rosalie, Emmett, and Esme were home. They could keep an eye on Edward. The window of Bella waking up was closing. Hopefully Jazz's insight held the answer to my puzzle.

As soon as Edward and I got home I sought out Jazz. "Come with me?"

He just nodded. He didn't ask questions or wonder or even pause. His trust in me was so absolute. Taking his hand I led him to a beautiful spot in the forest that was outside of Edward's range.

I checked up on Edward. He was going to play the piano working on the new piece or in his room fingering a lemonade bottle cap. He looked melancholy, but at least he was home. We needed Bella to wake up.

Jazz waited. "Edward?" he asked when I opened my eyes.

I nodded. "Looks copasetic from my end. Yours?"

"The frequency of his mood dropping is increasing. My warnings that would usually pull him out of his thinking fairly quickly aren't as effective. There's no determination, which is almost more worrisome. I'm concerned about the side effects of my gift on him. We need her to wake up."

"What did you send him?"

"Tranquillity, lethargy, contentment, and some fidelity."

"What side effects are you picking up?"

"His levels of contentment and fidelity are unusually high for him."

"So he shook off the more intense once you sent, but the lower dosage ones have lingered?"

"Yes."

"What was in fidelity?"

"Loyalty with a touch of the desire to please."

I buried my head into his chest. "Any chance that it will be long-lasting?"

"We're in uncharted territory."

"How are you about it?"

"I don't like using my gift to hijack someone else, so I was loathed to use it against my brother, but it was Carlisle's call and I did it the gentlest I could. What were the alternatives?"

"Dismemberment."

"Would that have gone better?"

"In the moment? No, but I can't see the internal consequences either. Any side effects for you?"

"I hunted already while you were at the hospital. Otherwise I'm fine. Just hoping the lingering effects don't last. Bella still set to wake up Friday?"

Checking, it still looked like she would wake up Friday, but it was fuzzier. I searched for other likely possibilities. The next likely was sometime in the middle of the night, but it was too grainy to give any helpful information.

"Friday is still the most likely, but the chance has decreased. Next likely is sometime in the middle of the night, but I can't say more, not even a day. It's too unclear."

"We'll stick with what we've got till we know differently."

I nodded in agreement.

"Need to work on your puzzle?"

I smiled. Of course he knew without me needing to say.

"I told Edward I would share with him my thoughts later. He needs something to help distract him from Bella tonight."

Jasper nodded even though his posture told me that he didn't agree with telling Edward so soon.

"Concerns?"

"Not enough to change course."

"Did you have any guesses yet?" I asked him.

"What was Bella like?"

It was a question he had asked before, but I didn't have his gift.

"Peaceful. She looked like how she does when she's sleeping deeply."

He pondered that. He had told me that Bella was not emotionally still when she slept. When we were keeping her safe from James and Victoria he stood outside her door and tasted her emotions while she slept. She had this stage where she was very restless, talked in her sleep, and Jasper said she was very emotionally active. That gave way to a deeper sleep with no talking. Jasper told me that even in that state, though, she had some emotions that he could pick up. Neither of us knew if that was normal for humans, but it seemed normal for Bella. Edward once complained the first time he had caught Jasper trying to learn about her when she had slept at our place, but Jasper had explained his intention, and Edward had let to go. Edward probably would appreciate hearing Jasper's assessments anyway.

"Summarize what you know so far," he requested.

"Each of the pictures before the deer are pivotal emotional moments for Edward which have had a ripple effect to the rest of us. It would seem, given our hypothesis, that Bella waking up will be another pivotal moment, with the individual scenes being smaller moments of decisions that will lead Edward to when she wakes up. I've been thinking that maybe I could see the wolves because it was set that some would show up, so I mentally put them there, but the reality was different than the vision like the diner."

He grinned broadly at that memory and sent me love and adoration.

I loved watching his dissect something to try to find the solution.

"The greatest variation was that someone who looked like could be Seth's mother wasn't at the hospital, but was in my vision. So the vision wasn't precise, but it told me that at least some would come. My best guess is that it was similar for seeing Jacob in the vision. However, Bella, Jacob, and Edward are so tied together there might be something there. If there is, I haven't worked it out yet. Also, the differences increased between my vision and reality today compared to yesterday."

"The gap between what you saw in the vision verses what happened is widening." His tone suggested that he believed this to be an important clue.

I nodded.

"If we projected that to be the case for tomorrow, that doesn't bode well for Edward."

"No, it doesn't," I agreed.

"Each of the moments you drew before the car accident were major emotional turning points for Edward specifically or for the family generally. That first day tore Edward out of his apathy. Saving her from the van exposed us, shifted Edward's world again, and for the first time divided this family emotionally with Esme and you completely supportive of Edward and Rosalie and I completely apposed to Edward's attachment to her. I'm not certain, but I believe that Edward's time at the hospital afterwards fortified Edward's emotional attachment to her. James' attack united us again this time in support of Bella's protection with the exception of Rosalie. Bella in hospital after James' attach fortified determination in Edward. I had thought it was determination to make it work with her, but after her birthday and our conversations I believe it was determination to leave her. Her birthday split the family again."

"Would that mean her waking up will unite us again?"

"Could be, but to what end?"

"Well, certainly last night made it clear that unless we want Edward babysitting duty for the rest of eternity he needs Bella."

Jasper sat contemplatively. "Perhaps the next ones are not showing Edward's decision, but unravellings and putting Edward back together is what will result in us uniting together. We weren't in harmony last night by any means; we were less in harmony than when we defended Bella from James, but more so than on her 18th birthday."  
"What about the newborn fight?"

"We were united, but in self-preservation and necessity. Last night was more united in love and genuine care, even Rosalie. She didn't agree with the action taken, but she was emotionally more in harmony with the family's state than even regarding James."

"If your hypothesis is correct, then what about Bella?"

"We already know she wakes up."

"So you don't think it says anything about Bella."

"Not if my assessment is correct."

I considered that. "I have to agree that I don't know how many more days Edward can last without her."

"Can we change her?"

I checked.

"It ends badly without a release from the hospital. After Friday it appears unlikely we do so, but I don't know why."

"We seem to have little options, June bug."

"How might your intervention impact Edward's reaction to Bella waking up?"

He took a long time to think through my question. "His increased fidelity seems directed at Carlisle at this point, so I don't see that having much of any impact unless Carlisle demands that Edward change her sooner than later or something like that. I don't see how his higher levels of contentment have any effect other than helping him handle being away from her. What happens if she doesn't wake up on Friday?"

Searching for that possibility I looked for one that included Edward.

"It's hard to tell. Nothing good that's for sure."

He shook his head. He sent me desire and longing.

I focused on my feelings adoration and wanting of him.

Before we could act on our feelings, a thought hit me. "Here's a weird thing, Jazz. In the original vision of her waking up every scene had multiple people with her, except tomorrow. Tomorrow there's just Edward."

He weighed that with the decreased change of her waking up on Friday. We sat out there discussing, strategizing, and enjoying being together. We had yet to come to any firm conclusions, so were now trying to decide what would be the best way to handle/approach Edward with our preliminary findings when I was no longer with Jasper.

I am in a room that is easily recognizable: it is Bella's hospital room. Charlie is asleep in the chair he had been in when we left, his head nodding off to one side. He looks peaceful and has that deep sleep look that Bella gets. Bella opens her eyes and looks around confused. Time passes. No one comes to check on her. Her features become more afraid and anxious. She looks down at Charlie and looks like she is debating whether to wake him or not. Something is off about her facial expression. She debates what do to. Finally she says, "Excuse me. Excuse me."

Jasper was in front of me my hand in his. I picked up my phone and texted Carlisle.

Call me. Urgent. 

"Everything, okay, June bug?" Jasper asked as he radiated tranquillity.

Taking his scent in deeply into my lungs I answered, "No. Bella's about to wake up, but she's not herself."

He looked at me quizzically, but said nothing.

I focused on Carlisle's decisions trying to determine when he would call.

"Finally." I breathed.

Picking up before the vibration started I requested, "Please go and check on Bella now. I'm really worried that she'll wake up shortly and will be confused."

I don't know what I would do without Jazz. This vision was disturbing. Without him I wouldn't have been able to be calm enough to speak in our code.

"Okay, Alice." Unlike me, Carlisle was speaking in a normal calm human pitch and speed. I gauged that I sounded like a scared rapid-speaking hyperventilating human. Not calm enough, but at least in somewhat of a human range. "Take some deep breaths. You'll be all right. Is Jasper nearby?"

"Yes," I answered much more collected.

"Good. I'll be home as soon as I can." Then he hung up.

I checked the future. It had changed.

Bella wakes up and Carlisle walks in. Bella isn't as confused, but the conversation is worse. Far worse. At least she isn't going to be anxious and afraid.

I looked at my husband while my mind tried to comprehend what was happening.

"June bug, you ready to fill me in?"

I looked into his eyes to ground me and give me strength. "Bella is just about to wake up, but she won't know her full name, who Charlie is, or Carlisle." I smiled slightly. "She'll remember my name, though."

"You're hard to forget."

I smiled sadly at him. "This isn't good, Jazz."

Jasper's eyes lit up. "What if …?"

I looked at him imploringly really disliking it when he did that. How he manages the world I live in with my gift astounds me.

He looked at me sending out calmness. "What if, June bug, your vision of her waking up ran backwards because it was telling you what you just saw? What if that happened during the car wreck?"

His calmness stopped what would have been terror filling me. "We should have changed her." I said vehemently. "What will Edward do?" I whispered.

"That would possibly mean that Edward's deteriorating state is going to impact how he reacts."

Gravely I checked the future.

Carlisle is going to talk to Charlie and explain that Bella is just confused right now and is possibly pulling on her dreams from when she was sedated to help her deal with waking up. He'll make some recommendations to Charlie, reassure him, and then head to a nurses station. He will tell the nurse that something has happened with me and that he needs to head home. He'll ask if there are any pressing patients and if there's enough coverage. When he gets the information he needs he will leave the hospital.

There was a fair chance things would go that way. "Carlisle might be home in an hour or less," I informed Jasper.

"Alright. We'll wait till Carlisle's coming home before we head back. We'll need all of us to handle Edward. I don't see him taking this well. You?"

I searched the future for after Carlisle arrives and we tell Edward. After that it got fuzzy like when televisions first came out and sometimes the reception would be poor.

"I can't tell."

Jasper just stared. "No tantrum? No running away?"

I frowned and checked again. "Not that I can see, but honestly I can't see much at all."

"That's not good. Didn't that happen after Edward said goodbye to Bella, but before we were able to force him to return with us?"

I nod. "He'll need you. I don't know how to help him."

"Can you see further than telling him?"

"No. It adds static to all of our futures."

"Naturally." Jasper looked grave. "Is there a best way to tell him?"

I searched. "They all end the same."

Jasper shook his head and had that look he gets when he was preparing for something.

I buried my face into his chest. "He has us. We'll help him through it."

"Should we warn Carlisle?"

I searched. "Makes no difference as far as I can tell."

"Okay."

He held me and we waited. Finally the vision came as I expected it would of Carlisle leaving the hospital.

"He'll be leaving soon."

"We should head back then."

"Jazz, this time we're going to listen to the vision?"

"It might be too late now June bug." He looked sorrowful. "Everything shelved? You ready?"

"Yes and yes. You?"

"As ready as I will be."

He was preparing himself for the emotional currents that would be sure to dominate the house.

What if this was what the vision had been trying to tell me. We walked back in hand in hand and sat on the couch in the living room. As Edward played his piano, immersed in the world of his music, Esme came in and looked at me. Jazz and I could both tell that she was worried. He sent her tranquillity while some of it bled onto me. Rosalie and Emmett were in their room enjoying each other's company.

"Come, Esme, tell us, how was your day?" Jasper asked.

She looked at him quizzically. Her features suggested that she was debating whether or not to object to his emotional manipulation. Certainly from her perspective since there was no threat he was using his gift in a situation where it was unnecessary. I didn't have Jasper's gift, but I wouldn't have been surprised if the family was a little bit more wary of Jasper since last night had been the first time they had witnessed him using his gift in that manner. He seemed to be taking the shift in climate as I expected he would–like a soldier. He had followed his commander's orders. End of story and he would pay the price without complaint or even acknowledgement of it. It only took a few seconds for Esme to relax. Jasper might have sent her trust. I trusted him so implicitly that I can't tell when he sends it out.

She sat down in the chair and began talking about her day when we all could hear the sound of Carlisle's car. Jasper gave her a warning look and started to withdraw his influence. She seemed to get the message. At the same time Edward stopped playing and looked up.

Edward was on edge. As expected, he was aggravated and tried to pressure me into telling him what was going on.

Jasper sent out tranquillity and peace in response.

Edward raised an eyebrow at him claiming that he could maintain his cool.

Jasper nodded and tapered it off, but I noticed that he didn't withdraw it completely. If Edward was aware of what Jasper was doing he didn't say anything.

By this time Rosalie and Emmett had come down curious about what was going on.

I avoided Edward's questions and kept my mind occupied.

Carlisle walked in. He had the briefest moments when he was surprised we were all gathered before he said, "Oh, good. Thanks for gathering everyone Alice."

I grinned at him.

He obviously had already decided his words before he got into mental range so Edward wouldn't get an advance notice. He walked over to Esme, gave her a kiss on the cheek, and took in her scent.

"Come on, the suspense could kill us," Emmett teased.

Emmett was lounging in an armchair while Rosalie stood behind her with her arms crossed in a huff.

Carlisle stood next to Esme with his hand on her shoulder. "Bella woke up between 1:24am and 2:03am. Given Alice's vision is was probably closer to the later time, but we have no way to know for sure. She was alert and responsive." He took another deep breath and paused.

Rosalie, Emmett, and Esme all had varied looks of shock. Emmett's was more bewildered. Esme's was on the confused side. Rosalie was almost to the point of gasping. And Edward outwardly looked unreasonably calm. I raised an eyebrow at Jasper.

"What happened to Friday?" Rosalie accused me.

I watched Edward while responding to Rosalie's question. He looked like he wanted to be glad and relieved, but fear was keeping him from being. "A decision changed things. My best guess Bella's."

Being so close to Jazz I could feel the elements of his gift working. He was minding Edward's emotional state pulling from him anxiety, elation, worry, and doubt in small amounts while sending him the cocktail from last night in a slightly stronger dosage than he was taking.

It seemed like the whole family was collectively holding our breaths waiting for Carlisle to continue.

Carlisle took a long look at Edward in an evaluating fashion before he continued, "It also appears that her head injury caused her to have retrograde amnesia."

Edward and Carlisle exchanged some medical related questions. Shortly thereafter Edward looked as bad as I had seen him in my vision right as he decided to board a plane and fly to Italy. Then he froze.

I looked at Jasper.

He whispered to me that it was if Edward were an emotional void–empty. He was registering nothing.

The last time he had a similar appearance I had found him in the mountains with icicles hanging from his clothing. He had been unresponsive for months.

"What does this mean?" Esme muttered shock and disbelief colouring her tone.

"I don't know," Carlisle explained sadly.

"What about … ?" she asked incredulously and with great concern leaving the question unfinished. What about the wedding? What about Edward? What about Bella? What about us?

"I don't know, apple. I just don't know."

Carlisle eyed Edward and great concern spread over his face.

"How did Charlie take it?" Rosalie asked tersely.

"Not great. I talked to him about it and gave him some recommendations. On a more positive note Bella told us emphatically that two angels and a wolf visited yesterday along with Billy, and that the day before a mothering angel had told her that we loved her."

He kissed Esme on the top of her head continuing to keep his eyes on Edward.

"I explained to Charlie not to take her literally. Hopefully he was reassured enough to not press her for information. That's the last thing we need right now."

Rosalie grunted her concurrence.

Both Emmett and Esme looked stunned.

I couldn't help but remember the vision of Bella as a newborn.

Edward was still statuesque.

Jasper looked pained.

"What's wrong?" I whispered directly into his ear so softly that no one else should have been able to hear me.

"I don't know if I can take it," he whispered like-wise back. "It's hell. This is worse than being in Maria's army or even worse than after we left Forks and he tried living with us before he left to hunt Victoria. If this is how he was before he boarded a plane to Italy, I get why he asked for death. I couldn't live like that. Doesn't excuse his actions. He was still stupid and caused us to fall under the watch of the Volturi, but …" He shook his head in defeat. "I don't know how to bring him back."

My only conclusion had to be that this moment was what my visions had foretold.

"I missed it, Jazz. I failed him. I failed us all."

I searched the future for the one image that held me when Edward insisted that we leave Forks–Bella as a newborn vampire–but it was practically gone nothing left but wisps. When I searched Bella's future she was alone or dead, Edward's held nothing, and everyone else's weren't pretty.

"This isn't going to end well for any of us," I breathed at Jazz.

As each family member got a handle on this turn of events, they would glance at Edward expecting at any moment that he would snap out of it.

"You have to tell them, June bug," Jazz whispered to me.

I hated having to bring them bad news. I didn't want to open my mouth and make it more real than it was. I shook my head no. In my head it was just a possibility, one of many futures.

"You have to. We agreed." He looked at me sternly and then sent me courage.

Yes we had agreed to listen to what the visions were saying and interfere in a way where they guided us. Who knows what tomorrow might bring? I implored him one more time with my eyes, as I didn't want to tell my family of our possibly coming doom, but he nodded his head like go ahead.

I didn't know how. Bella's future had been so certain. It had held me through us leaving, through Italy, through the army. Without it I was lost. I clung to Jasper and entered the world of my gift attempting to find a way forward. The earth revolved around the sun, but it mattered not. If I didn't find a solution it would ruin us all. The irony that it was not the Volturi or newborns or James' coven or Edward's idiocy or even Dr. Whitaker that had erased the happy future I had staked everything on, but a deer. Jazz had been right, but it was too late.


	22. Edward–I Let It Take Me

Chapter 22: Edward–I Let It Take Me

Something was up.

I was playing the piano when Jasper and Alice came back from their time alone. I had been immersed in notes, so initially I hadn't pay them too much mind. Suddenly, I heard Father's car causing me to look up knowing that he shouldn't be home for a few more hours. On top of that Father, Jasper, and Alice were all doing a great job keeping whatever they weren't ready to tell me hidden. It reminded me a bit of graduation when Alice didn't want to tell me Bella's theory, except it was from three of them. This could only be about Bella. Alice would have seen something. Jasper would have been with her. And Father would have been at the hospital. A weight like a vice grip began forming around my chest constricting it in a painful manner.

I attempted to ease my pain by reminding myself that certainly Alice and Father loved Bella and would only want what was best for her. I told myself that there was no need to get upset. I didn't have the facts yet. Doubting Father felt like a betrayal, so I instinctually shielded away from that line of thinking. No, it was unlikely that Bella was dead because if Father was willing to bite her without her being at risk of death, then he would have certainly bit her and covered things up. Then he would have been coming back here with a changing Bella. Not to mention that Alice would be much more upset than just trying to keep me out.

My conclusion that Bella wasn't dead did little to calm my nerves, however. While most of me was attempting to think this through rationally, the beast wanted to tear through their mental defences and take what they were hiding from me by force. Taking in a deep breath tasting my family's scent enter my mouth and lungs I reminded myself about Italy. I had promised Esme not to do that again. As long as Bella's heart beat then it would be okay. If she was physically damaged in some way, we would have a family discussion on how to handle the situation, Bella had already consented, venom could restore her, and life would move on. It was past graduation. Whatever it was, my family would be there, and we would get through it together. No running, I commanded myself, even though every cell wanted to bolt towards her.

"Why is Father coming home before the end of his shift, Alice?" I asked acidly.

The slightest wince was on Alice's features before she put on airs of innocence. "Who me?"

She didn't fool anyone. Her attitude actually just scared me more.

"Is this about Bella?" I growled my fear turning into aggravation.

 _Please calm down, brother._ The guilt Jasper held flavoured the tenor of his words. His hopeful thoughts that he wouldn't have to contain me again were just under the surface. The images his mind had conjured, once I had been calmed down and before Alice and I had headed out to the hospital, had been a mix of what he had done to me and his years in Maria's army. The flow of his thoughts had indicated that he had been trying to dissect what he had done to me in comparison to when he had overpowered members of his troops while also studying the differences, especially as my reaction afterwards had been so contrary to his expectations. I thought that his expectation that I would have been angry with him was silly. Obviously, it was my fault that I had forced him to use his gift the way that he had, not to mention that he had been thinking about things he would have rather forgotten.

I could feel the feelings of tranquillity tinge with contentment and sprinkled with fidelity that Jasper was sending out. He often sent out tranquillity nearly instinctually to protect his mate, but the other elements reminded me of last night. Like a scolding that was still raw, my psyche winced away from having to revisit the experience. Nevertheless, the beast that last night had demanded Bella became enflamed, as whatever they were hiding had to do with was the welfare of my mate. Since I didn't want to repeat last night or to force my brother to do something he'd disliked doing, my only option was to keep a tight lid on both the beast and the monster. I _would_ sit patiently and trust Father.

I raised an eyebrow at him accusationally insisting, "I can be calm, Jasper."

He nodded and withdrew his influence. I would have nodded my thanks back if I hadn't become so panicked as he did so. Maybe I did need Jasper's help after all, but I didn't know how to ask after my tirade.

After what felt like decades my annoying sister answered. "Yes. I had a vision about Bella and called Carlisle. I didn't understand it. I'm hoping he can explain."

Once again I considered using my gift to probe into her mind as I had done with James, Riley, and then Victoria, but decided that violating my sister like that was uncouth. I could be patient. I could trust that Alice would tell me instead of ripping it from her, but I struggled against doing so.

"What about Bella?" Rosalie asked at the top of the stairs Emmett standing next to her.

I waved my hand in Alice's direction. "Evidently the pixie had a vision of Bella and called Father. Thus him now home." I tried to keep all my emotions out of my voice and fake nonchalance. I don't think I fooled anyone, and certainly didn't Jasper.

Rosalie's eyes narrowed at me while her mind attempted to figure out what was going on.

Emmett casually settled into an armchair imagining a vampire Bella while Rosalie stood behind him with her arms crossed.

It took an eternity for Father to get his car up the drive, then longer than should exist in time and space to enter into the house. I knew immediately from the way that he looked at me that something was terribly wrong. Whatever he was hiding caused him to be entirely concerned about my reaction.

He looked into my eyes pleading with me. _Please, Edward, stay here with us, hear it all out, and allow us to make a decision as a family._ He was still upset about last night and uncertain if he had made the correct call. Images of last night were in the background of his mind while the word _Please_ repeated and he prayed that I would be all right. If I had any doubt last night that he loathed having Jasper sedate me, the evidence was clear in his thoughts today. It went against everything he believed, but, like when I was a newborn and uncontrollable at times, he would do _anything_ to keep us safe short of ending my life. The images were cloudy, a sure indication that he was trying not to think about it, nevertheless it was obvious that his fear of my reaction had already caused him to consider every worst-case scenario he could have. It was clear that even though he loathed what he had ordered Jasper to do, he would do it again and anything else necessary to make sure I didn't do anything foolish as he called it, which was really anything other than to sit here, to hear him out, and to wait for us to make a decision as a family. I couldn't help how my gift hung on to every part of his brain scurrying through and hoarding every morsel of thought that he didn't have behind his mental blocks. I wouldn't force my way in, but did greedily take everything else, holding onto his mind with dear life much like I had in my first years.

Father initially looked surprised after he looked up from me and took in the scene in front of him. _Alice_ , he said to himself in relief.

"Oh, good. Thanks for gathering everyone Alice."

She grinned, but mentally she was doing everything possible to keep her thoughts to herself.

Father then did something he hadn't done in a really long time. He started focusing on Esme to keep me out. His doing so frightened me. It tempted me to probe deeper into his mind, but I couldn't violate him like that.

 _It's all right, brother. You'll be all right. We're with you._ Jasper's tone was a strange mix between a command and a plea. He sent me his cocktail again.

This time I didn't resist him allowing the tranquillity along with the contentment to release some of the vice grip on my chest and the fidelity to ensure I didn't violate my family's minds. Frankly, I was concerned about what I might do without his influence especially as I wasn't certain that I could contain the monster and beast when I received whatever news Father had. I reminded myself of my conversation with Alice on the way back from the hospital, her reassurances, and her vision. Bella would wake up Friday.

Father walked over to Esme, gave her a kiss on the cheek, and took in her scent very purposefully and casually all the while detailing to memory every inch of her.

"Come on, the suspense could kill us," Emmett teased. His mind had joined Rosalie's in trying to figure out what the big mystery was.

My sweet mother Esme was worried for me her mind filled with images of how to calm and reassure me so that Father wouldn't have to resort to the methods last night no matter what he might say.

Father stood next to Esme with his hand on her shoulder. "Bella woke up between 1:24am and 2:03am. Given Alice's vision is was probably closer to the later time, but we have no way to know for sure. She was alert and responsive." He took another deep breath pulling Esme's scent into himself.

Everyone's thoughts invaded my head in a thunderous action of disjointed sounds each being loud in their own way. Esme's, Emmett's, and Rosalie's were super charged bouncing around like a pinball machine. Jasper's thoughts were intensely focused like a laser beam as he worked his gift to first find the calm centre within himself and then to push that calmness out to us. Alice and Father were terrified on my reaction both of them watching me carefully.

"What happened to Friday?" Rosalie accused Alice her tone and look full of malice.

The mental noise and Jasper's emotional mix were too much. I tried to tone them all down, but found myself unable to do so. It was if the beast controlled my gift and was determined to find out what was going on. I began to feel myself shutting down like I had after leaving Bella. I wished that I could be pleased and excited that Bella was awake. The beast wanted to rush to her, but a deeper part of me knew that Father hadn't said the whole story. Alice and him wouldn't be this worried if there wasn't bad news following.

Alice's eyes never left me as she answered Rosalie's question. "A decision changed things. My best guess Bella's."

I couldn't help my lips moving upwards. Of course Bella would mess up Alice's visions. Bella was as stubborn as me and I doubted she enjoyed being in a coma. Of course my Bella would wake herself up earlier than she was supposed to.

Father took one more look at me before he continued, "It also appears that her head injury caused her to have retrograde amnesia."

Every emotional response shut down. I felt numb. My brain pulled up my medical training. Venom had done tremendous work in repairing Esme's and Rosalie's bodies, and Father had no idea if they had sustained a head injury. Alice had memory loss and the venom had never restored her memories. I was out of my depths.

"Was she orientated times three?" I heard myself ask Father in my attempt to ascertain how bad is it. There were many kinds of amnesia. Desperately I hoped it was mild and temporary.

I watched, as if in slow motion even though he moved at his natural speed, him shake his head. "No. She knew neither who she was, where she was, or what time is was."

He looked at me gauging my response. He must have decided that I was handling things all right because he opened his mind and showed me his memory of his brief encounter with Bella upon her waking. Whatever was happening outside of me ceased to exist. His memory of these moments with Bella became my whole world. The part of my brain attempting to make sense of things sped so quickly that I couldn't keep up at points. The first time it slowed down was when it pulled from my memory my ponderings from when I first had become aware that I was attracted to Bella.

The best option, I had reasoned, would be if Bella didn't have similar feeling of desire as mine. Then she would remain human, live her life without me in it, and I would have embraced the sinister torment of to have known the warmth of the sun and then live the rest of my life in a dank, dark cell. It was an existence I had foolishly believed I already knew. At the time I had no comprehension of the pain being a part from her would truly give me. For her, I would have taken that punishment, and I still would. However, after last night, I had no doubt of the lengths my family would go to and the cost they would pay to keep me alive if I didn't have Bella. I couldn't do that to them. At the same time, I couldn't ask her to love me then and I couldn't now. Just like back then, I didn't see myself worthy of Bella's love. I had expected that if I gave her a choice that she would eventually reject me. It hadn't worked. She had never baulked at my world. She had never run away screaming. She had accepted me completely and loved me more than I deserved.

The next option, the one that had sent my body on fire, and what she had chosen, was to return my affection. This left two possibilities. One, she remained human, as would have been my preference, and we lived together until the end of her life. This option was significantly dampened when I went to Italy. Certainly we could put it off her transformation for a few years, but eventually the Volturi would come and check that we had kept our word, which led to option two. She was turned and joined me in my world. This option was the worst I could do, the most selfish: to take the soul of my Bella and condemn her to the shadows. Just last Friday, as Bella lay in my room, she had told me that she didn't believe she would lose her soul and she didn't believe that I had lost mine. She had said that she wasn't joining the shadows, but she was coming into my world because her definition of hell was anywhere that I wasn't. She insisted that she was choosing this life, and she was ready to get on with her choice.

The last option, I tried and it nearly killed both of us, was to leave. I had left in order to force her into option one, allowing her to live her life without me in it.

The ramifications of her having amnesia, given these choices, were astronomical. I couldn't walk away from her. As long as she was still breathing I would stay. That ruled out the last option. At the same time, it was if she and I were back before she tricked Jacob into telling her what I was. Worse even. It was if she knew the idea of me, but had no connection to me. Even in the beginning, on that first day that we had met, we had a connection of sorts. Not anymore. According to Father's memories I was no one to her but an abstract idea that her mind had made in order to make sense of the input her brain was receiving.

There was the possibility that amnesia Bella might choose option one. She might even choose Jacob. The pain of that possibility was worse than the transformation. I wanted to see her happy and I had promised her that I would be noble, but deep inside me I always counted on her knowledge of me and connection to me as insurance. She had continued to say yes to me, even if I expected one day she would say no, and there was a part of me that, despite my confessions of nobility, since Italy that believed she would struggle against the call of being my mate as much as I did to be hers. None of these secret motives had I been willing to admit to myself before this moment, before it was too late and I had lost her. Father bringing her home screaming from the venom commanding us all to pack, move, and leave quickly was 1000 times, no 100,000 times more preferred than this.

Additionally, no matter how noble I wanted to be, the problem was that eventually the Volturi would come to ask about her. If we kept to our moral code and didn't change her because she wasn't dying and could no longer give her consent, then most likely they would gladly kill us, and probably, given Bella's gift, wouldn't be able to find her. So Bella would live but at the sacrifice of my family. Jasper, especially, would not stand for that. Anything that even remotely could be risky to Alice he opposed. I doubted the rest of my family would agree to that bargain. I could, of course, offer myself as recompense, but that probably wouldn't be enough. If my family were to live, they'd have to split up and live as nomads, but eventually Demetri would catch them and they would be ended. It would only buy them time. I remembered a conversation with Emmett when James was hunting Bella about Rosalie being a nomad. That wouldn't work for her. And whatever didn't work for Rosalie wouldn't work for Emmett. Fate had backed me into a corner. The only way for my family to live was for Bella to want to be with me and want to be changed into my kind. But if she has retrograde amnesia …

I had no idea how she managed to want to be with me the first time. How could I ever accomplish that a second time? Did I want to? Naturally. But what was best for Bella? Certainly not to be with me and enter our world. For the first time since Bella had come into my life I had a real chance to leave her alive and human. Could I find the strength to leave? I couldn't imagine so. It had taken me throwing Bella into crystal and my denial that she loved me to find the capacity to leave. And last night showed how poorly I was doing after only a few night. My only option, then, in order to keep Bella safe, was to no longer exist. Would Jacob be willing to end me in order to keep her safe? Probably. The irony that I might need him to do the very thing he imagined time and time again wasn't lost on me.

What I would do, what my family would do, what might happen next, none of that changed the truth: she no longer loved me. She didn't know who I was anymore. She was no longer tethering me to her, demanding that I change her, forcing my hand. I had the freedom to do what I wanted to do, to do what I thought was best for Bella without it being against her will. I could never return to the hospital, never allow her to become connected to me, in her state she probably wouldn't feel our connection without meeting me. I could save her the pain of me leaving while giving her what I had wanted for her all along. The part of me that was self-sacrificing, and noble, and a gentleman was pleased at that prospect, but the beast and monster would have none of it. They both claimed she was _mine_ for different reasons. Their fight to overpower me forced me to consider other options, if no other reason than to show them this was what was best.

For the sake of keeping control of myself I allowed my mind to consider staying and attempt to woo her again. The truth was I had no idea how to do such a thing let alone tell her what I am. I never had to. Jacob had told her. I had only showed her the reality of the idea. I hadn't needed to explain anything. And Bella had always led. At each new step she had been brave, faced me, and reassured me. I had resisted her, my mother's wisdom, my father's lessons, and the truth of who she was to me. I had been the coward running away fighting her trying to dissuade her from what she confidently said she wanted. Perhaps no other moment in our past exampled that than our fight back from Port Angeles when she first told me that she knew what I was.

"I won't laugh," I had promised her in my attempt to discover her theories never guessing she had found the truth instead.

"I'm afraid that you'll be angry with me," she had admitted.

How right she had been. I had been furious. How I wished that I could take my response to her back.

"Is it that bad?" I had asked.

"Pretty much, yeah," she had finally responded.

"Go ahead," I had attempted to encourage her, making sure to regulate my voice appropriately.

"I don't know how to start," she had finally admitted, her voice small.

"Why don't you start at the beginning … you said you didn't come up with this on your own." I had said trying to be encouraging.

"No," she had agreed without too much hesitation.

"What got you started–a book? A movie?" I had suggested.

"No," she had finally spoken. "It was Saturday, at the beach." She had looked up to me gauging my reaction. "I ran into an old family friend–Jacob Black. His dad and Charlie have been friends since I was a baby. His dad is one of the Quileute elders," she had said softly.

That was when I had known it wasn't some theory she had that we would laugh about. No, it was a bad as it could get.

"We went for a walk, and he was telling me some old legends–trying to scare me, I think. He told me one …" she had continued, but then had stopped short.

"Go on," I had said keeping my shock and fear out of my voice.

"About vampires," she had breathed, her words less than a whisper.

"And you immediately thought of me?" I had asked.

"No. He," she had hesitated seeming to debate about revealing the next part, "mentioned your family."

It had been ironic that it was Jacob, Ephraim's prodigy, to violate the treaty that his ancestor had vowed to uphold. The irony was even more potent after Italy and Jacob's loathing of me, since he had been the one to allow her to choose me.

"He just thought it was a silly superstition," Bella had said suddenly her voice edged with a new anxiety. "He didn't expect me to think anything about it."

Out of the corner of my eye, I had watched her twist her hands uneasily.

"It was my fault," she had confessed after a brief pause, and then her hung her head in shame. "I forced him to tell me."

"Why?" It hadn't been so hard to keep my voice even. The worst had been done.

"Lauren said something about you–she was trying to provoke me." She had made a little face at the memory. "And an older boy from the tribe said your family didn't come to the reservation, only it sounded like he meant something different. So I got Jacob alone and I tricked it out of him."

Her head had dropped even lower as she admitted this, and her expression had looked … guilty.

"Tricked him how?" I had asked.

"I tired to flirt–it worked better than I thought it would," she had explained and her voice had turned incredulous at the memory of that success.

"I'd like to have seen that," I had admitted, and then I laughed again at the black humour. "And you accuse me of dazzling people–poor Jacob Black."

I had felt her blush heating the air between us. I had glanced at her. She was staring out the window.

That moment at the beach had both exposed me and encouraged Jacob. It was like a pebble dropped into a still pond, the ripples in our lives had been tremendous.

"What did you do then?" I had prompted.

"I did some research on the internet."

"And did that convince you?"

"No. Nothing fit. Most of it was kind of silly. And then …"

She had broken off, and her teeth had locked together.

"What?" I had demanded impatiently.

There had been a short pause, and then she whispered, "I decided it didn't matter."

Shock had frozen my thoughts for a half-second. Then all the pieces had come together like a steel frame. Definitively her conclusion had been my fault. In trying to contain the monster I had led her into the second option–accepting me and returned my affection.

"It didn't _matter_?" I had said through my teeth, anger filling me because all my attempts to do the right thing had backfired _._ I could imagine nothing worse than this–she knew and she didn't care.

"No," she had said in a low voice that was inexplicably tender. "It doesn't matter to me what you are."

At the time I had seen it as an impossible situation. She hadn't rejected me with the information she was given. No, much worse. She had concluded that I was a monster and it didn't _matter_. It mattered to the Quileutes, even though we have a treaty with them, even after battling together. It _mattered_ enough that they no longer sent their people to where Father worked on the chance they _might_ encounter him. For it not to matter at _all_ had seemed diabolical somehow like superman suddenly became the villain.

"You don't care if I'm a monster? If I'm not _human_?" I had seethed barely managing to control a growl.

"No." She hadn't paused or flinched. She had meant it.

How that was possible I never had figured out. It hadn't mattered to her. She hadn't cared. She had known that I was inhuman, that I was a monster, and it hadn't really matter to her. She had said yes to me. Not to a date, but to _me_. She knew enough to draw a conclusion, and said yes to me anyway. If she didn't remember that fight, if she didn't remember learning that information, if she didn't remember the meadow, if she didn't remember James, if she didn't remember Victoria, if she remembered none of it, then I had the freedom to quietly slip out of her life.

With hindsight and what I had just lost I couldn't stop myself from admitting what a fool I had been, how I had missed what a gift her simple acceptance had been. During that fight I had thought that the worst possible thing was her decision that it didn't matter what I was. After all that had happened, I realised that I had been wrong. Her decision that it didn't matter had been the best thing that had ever happened to me. Her acceptance of me before understanding the implications was the simplest most beautiful expression of love I was capable of imagining. I had been the worst kind of wrong. I had been so dense. It was only here with her not knowing these things, no longer accepting of these things as she once had that the full ramification was apparent to me. And I had figured this out too late. Alice had been right all along. Her snarling at me when I demanded we move and leave Bella behind came to mind. She had nearly come at me when I had dismissed Bella's simple acceptance.

Bella had loved _me_ , had accepted _me,_ and had demanded to be changed to be with me. I had never deserved her, but for the first time I saw how unappreciative of these gifts how I had been, how my father and mother had tried over and over to get me to be grateful and accepting of what Bella offered. And I had lost it all. The idea that Bella no longer accepted me, loved me resurfaced the vice grip around my chest and the panic I felt. I remembered how I felt when Rosalie had called me to tell me that Bella had died. This feeling was like that but worse in some way. At least with Bella dead I knew that she still loved me. I might have killed her, but like Romeo and Juliet there was a beauty in her sacrifice. In my pain I knew that I must cross over to the other side in the slightest of hopes that she would be there with me because nothing was worse that a world without her in it.

I was wrong again. This was worse. Her body was still here, she was still walking and breathing, but from Father's memory that he just had showed me I knew, as much as I knew my own arm, that the Bella I knew, that loved me, that I loved, that had agreed to marry me was not the Bella that talked to Father. Was my Bella lost? Human medicine didn't know. Sometimes memories were recovered, sometimes they weren't. Would venom fix the problem? There was no way to know. It hadn't restored Alice's memories. And I couldn't steal her against her will, force venom into her system, in the vain hopes that the venom _might_ bring back _my_ Bella. The thought that the Bella I knew and loved might never return began to fill me and with it came darkness. We had been through too much. As much as my noble part of me was pleased that she was free of my world, the chance that she might choose to be human this time combined with the reality that she didn't love me, as she had during that fight home from Port Angeles, brought even more darkness.

A part of me wanted to be there for this unknown version of Bella, but it would be Bella in form only. Father's memory had told me that this new Bella wasn't even sure how to distinguish between the wolf and angel that had visited her. Of all the things Father had shown me this had put the final nail in my coffin. I had lost her. She didn't know me anymore. The beast and monster railed against my logic and reasoning wanting to claim her despite it all, but I could not allow them to win. She deserved the world and more. She would get to live out her life in human form as it was meant to be. It really would be as if I had never existed. This time I could keep my promise to her. Simultaneously, I had to honour my promise to my family. I wouldn't run, and I couldn't put them through last night again. Yet, I also couldn't face a world without Bella. The darkness threatened to envelop me, and I let it.


	23. Jacob–Second Chances

Chapter 23: Jacob–Second Chances

* * *

As soon as I woke up I could tell something was wrong. It was like a static electric charge in the air that any moment was going to shock me. Stumbling out of my room I found my dad sitting in his chair staring out the window, if I didn't know better, praying. Maybe he was praying to the Great Spirit or the first spirit wolf or one of our ancestors. I really couldn't even say for sure that he was praying, but if he was it must be serious.

Since he hadn't started breakfast yet, another indication something was off, I went to the kitchen figuring he would tell me whatever it was when he was ready. The options for this level of concern were Old Quil died, something happened to one of my sisters, something happened to a pack member or imprint, or something was wrong with Bella. I was just about to put breakfast on the table when he began to head towards me. We sat together eating in silence the usual gentle accepting silence feeling oppressive. I was just about to get up and clear when he stopped me.

"Jake, I have some bittersweet news." He paused and I looked at him waiting. "Bella woke up."

A huge smile spread across my face, while I noticed there wasn't one on his and that he had said "bittersweet news". I watched him expectantly.

"She has amnesia, son."

My mind went blank. What did that mean? I didn't understand. My confusion must have shown on my face.

"Charlie called and said that when Bella woke up she could speak, but she wasn't making much sense. She didn't remember her name, who Charlie was, who Dr. Cullen was, nothing. He's really worried. I want to go to the hospital and be with him today."

My face lit up at the idea of being with Bella.

"Jake," he said sternly, "she doesn't know who you are. We'll need to keep our distance. It will be real hard. You don't have to go." He looked almost like he had when he found out that Harry Clearwater had died.

Remembering how Bella was the first time she had showed up in my garage after the vermin left, she wasn't herself then either. I was sure I could handle it.

"I'll be cool."

"If Charlie or some hospital person tells us to get out, there will be no objections. Last thing Charlie needs is Bella upset. Got it?"

"Yeah, Dad, I got it," I grumbled.

If there was anyone who could handle this, it would be me. I was the one who had been there for her last time, not Billy or Charlie and certainly not any of those tics.

"Sam's going to drive us. Let me call him. Shower and get ready."

"Sure, sure."

Just about the time that I had secured the cast Sam showed up. He thought it would be too much for Bella if he were to come in, so he just dropped us off. When we got to Bella's room a doctor was standing outside the door with Charlie talking about how they couldn't say anything yet, that time would tell, blah, blah, blah. We looked at Charlie and he nodded at Dad, so we took it as our cue that we could go in. My dad looked at me severely as I pushed him into the room.

"Good morning, Bella," Dad greeted her.

She was in pyjamas rather than the hospital gown looking like she had just gotten out of a shower. I had never seen Bella so disrobed and vulnerable. It endeared her to me even more and fuelled my internal requirement to keep her safe.

"Good morning," she answered tentatively. She smiled like she was figuring something out.

"I'm a good friend of Charlie's. I've known you since before you were born. When you were little you used to play with my two older daughters. This is my youngest, Jacob." He pointed up to me.

"Jacob?" she asked her voice full of reverence and awe. She stared at me intensely. I figured her reaction had to be a good sign.

Dad seemed to be waiting for her.

After a few minutes of a strange silence she added, "Are you Billy?"

Dad smiled. "Yes, I'm Billy. Do you remember me?"

She nodded with her eyes wide. "Oh, yes, you visited me. You came and left with the wolf. And there were two angels on that visit." She looked contemplative. Then she looked at me. "Are you the wolf that came before?"

I smiled cheekily. "Yes, I'm Jacob. I came by and visited you yesterday."

She squinted her eyes. "You don't look like a wolf."

Dad looked at me with a warning.

My smile broadened ignoring my dad. "Not today," I told her before I winked.

She nodded knowingly and smiled her cute flirtatious smile.

Dad looked reproachful, but said nothing.

Right then Charlie came in. "She still on about those wolves and angels, then there was stuff about birds?" Charlie muttered under his breath.

Billy looked at him and told him in that voice he used at council meetings that was full of kindness, firmness, and authority. "Charlie, it's fine. Bella guessed my name correctly and remembered that I had visited before."

Bella's eyes grew large and she looked at my dad with reverence.

Charlie nodded and slumped even before he came to _his_ chair. "Well, good," he almost barked.

I wasn't used to seeing Charlie like this and looked at my dad for guidance. When I looked back at Bella she looked worried. I wanted to ask her if she was okay, but I also didn't want to embarrass her in front of Charlie and Billy, so I let it go.

"How are you feeling, Bella?" Dad asked.

She thought about it.

It was weird that she didn't automatically say, "Fine." That would take some getting used to.

"I'm feeling okay. I enjoyed the shower. I want to leave the hospital. I don't have a good feeling here." She looked at Charlie as if in confirmation of her words. "Charlie tells me that I live with him in his house and that I have a bedroom."

I wondered why she kept saying Charlie. She would have called him Charlie with me, but I had never heard her refer to him as anything but Dad in front of his face.

"Yes, this is true. You've lived in Forks with Charlie for seventeen months now," Dad told her after a few seconds where Charlie looked like he wasn't going to speak.

"Your room is upstairs between Charlie's bedroom and the bathroom," I added hoping to be helpful.

Both my dad and Charlie had scolding looks.

"What?" I asked concerned that I was going to get into trouble.

Billy raised an eyebrow and Charlie was turning red.

I looked at my toes. "Um … one day Bella called me concerned because she thought maybe someone had been in the house. I came over and took a look around, told her she was safe." Both men had incredulous looks. I put my good arm up in surrender. "I swear. I went in her room, looked around, verified it was safe, checked the rest of the house, and left."

Bella looked bemused at the exchange.

"I don't want you in her room again," Charlie sputtered.

"Sure, sure."

I looked at my dad. "I'm going to head to the cafeteria and get something to drink. Would you like something?"

"No, not right now. Don't be gone too long."

"No problem."

Dad had been right. Seeing Bella like this was weird. It wasn't like her in my garage at all. It was cool that even in this state she associated me as a wolf, though. It gave me hope that someone inside she knew who I was and still loved me.

Back in the garage we both didn't know I was going to be a wolf. When I first was changed Sam forced me into secrecy and told me that I couldn't tell her. In reality, she already knew, but hadn't known that she knew. That was the thing. Eventually I got her to remember, and then we didn't have any secrets between us again.

This was different. This was like a veil had been placed between us. Her awareness of me and our bond wasn't apparent. Somewhere deep down inside her she knew, but not near the top. Not enough for it to count. I wondered if it would break the rules to tell her. She already knew, well, kind of.

I still hadn't straightened out my thoughts by the time that I had returned. Keeping in mind what Dad had said, I picked up the chair not being used and brought it near the windows so that I was facing Bella, but a good five feet away. The closest point to her was her calf. I sat there not knowing what to say.

She studied me. I didn't mind her looking, but it was the look a stranger gives you or maybe more like how a young child gives a stranger they feel comfortable around but don't know why.

"You look like you got hurt," she finally said.

"Yeah," I grumbled remembering my own idiocy. "Happened last Saturday. Broke most of my ribs. They feel better, but Doc says I still have to wear this stupid cast."

She nodded like she was following, but her eyes gave the impression that she was confused.

"It was five days ago. I broke the bones here and here and here and here and here," I explained again my voice softening pointing to each bone on my body through the cast.

"Were you in hospital too, then?" Her eyes became wide and her voice had a conspiracy tone to it.

"No." I shook my head. "Doc came out to my house. Usually us Quileutes don't come to the hospital. The tribe made an exception for you."

"Yeah, Charlie told me that." She paused her forehead crinkled in thought. "Doc?" she asked clearly confused.

"Yeah," I grumbled sarcasm thick, "Doctor Carlisle Cullen extraordinaire."

She nodded as if in agreement and then her eyes grew wide and she whispered conspiratorially, "Was it from a motorcycle?"

I wondered if sarcasm was lost on her. That would be a shame since she had been incredibly snarky at times before. Grimacing I tried to figure out what to say since I didn't want to lie to her. "So they tell me," I told her.

Right the same old guy in a white coat that had been speaking to Charlie earlier came in. I recognised him from yesterday. He had been looking at me like I had shot his dog. He looked at me calculating again as if he were trying to pin some rap sheet on me. Eventually he turned to Bella and smiled sadly with a hint of disappointment.

I hoped he didn't have more bad news about Bella.

"Good morning, Bella. I'm Dr. Whitaker. I came by earlier and talked to your … to Charlie?"

She nodded and scowled at him like she didn't like him. That was my girl.

"I have no more questions for you and Charlie's questions about your conditioned were answered. He mentioned that you wanted to go home?"

She looked confused again.

He cleared his throat and seemed to rearrange his features. "He said that you wanted to leave the hospital and go sleep in your room in Charlie's house?"

She smiled this time understanding written on her face. So, she had been confused before.

It was like when she started showing up in the garage. I would just learn her tells to make her the most comfortable. That part would be easy enough. Sure she was weird and not the Bella I knew, but I had brought her back to herself before. I could again.

"Yes." She nodded. "I'm fine," she stated emphatically.

I held in my grin. That last statement was the most Bella-like that she had sounded since I got here.

"Well, I checked over your chart. You hand and collarbone are healing nicely, so I could discharge you tomorrow. I'd like to keep you for one more day of observation. You would also need to come back for physical therapy as well as to work with someone regarding your memory."

Her face scrunched up like she was trying to figure something out. "Tomorrow?"

"Yes, tomorrow." He sighed softly and almost regretfully. "But you will have to come back for your therapy appointments."

She nodded, but it looked like she didn't really understand what he said.

He signed some papers as he shuffled out the door giving me one hard cold look before he rounded the door.

She looked back at me and smiled nervously.

"It'll be fine, Bella. Charlie will take good care of you. It's a nice house. There are two floors. You enter the house on the first floor. There's a living room, kitchen, and dining room, and stairs to the upstairs. Upstairs there's the bathroom then your room and then Charlie's room."

I noticed that most of the time her eyes were confused, but she nodded along and didn't seem to mind me talking.

"Honestly, Bells, Charlie's house is in a time warp. The carpet is still some horrible colour shag. The kitchen looks like it came out of a 1960s catalogue including the linoleum floor. The stairs are wood though and the landing. The bathroom is so small I don't know if I could fit in there. Your bedroom was cool the last time I was in it. Your computer is a dinosaur, though, and you could use some new CDs …" on and on I blabbered about the house, about stupid silly stuff that didn't matter. Sure was better than sitting in silence with nothing to do or trying to have a conversation with her.

My stomach was beginning to grumble for lunch when I smelled food and the sickeningly smell of bloodsuckers. It was the mother bloodsucker and the fortune-teller tic by their scents. I was shocked that the vermin wasn't with them. He used to never be able to keep himself away from Bella. Perhaps he had taken himself out of the picture changing his mind about killing her. That sure would make things easier for me.

The mother walked in carrying a dish of food.

"Good afternoon, Bella," she greeted.

Bella's face lit up like a Christmas tree.

The mother winked. It looked odd on her–that not quite but trying to be human mannerism like Doc.

"Good morning, fellas." She nodded to each of us. "I made something small for Charlie and Bella thinking they would be hungry and tired of hospital food. I hope I made enough. On Tuesday I made four dishes, but it wasn't sufficient for those growing boys you have down there in La Push." She looked at Billy. "I hope you can accept this meagre hospitality. If I had time, I would have made more."

I wasn't sure how a creature that couldn't sleep runs out of time. It was probably a mystery I'd never solve.

Billy looked at her right in the eyes. "I appreciate you caring for my best-friend and his daughter."

The mother bloodsucker smiled and waved making the dish look light. "Anything for Bella."

He nodded and turned back to Charlie.

She went over and put the dish down.

The fortune-teller placed next to it plates, cutlery, napkins, cups, and soda.

I wondered how a bloodsucker made human food. I smiled. There had to be a joke in there somewhere.

The mother leech went in between Bella and I up near the top of the bed, and looked at Charlie who nodded, while the fortune-teller stood at the foot of the bed.

Bella looked surprised, then confused, as they had come in and during the verbal exchange, but then appeared content when the mother spoke. "My beautiful girl." She moved a strand of hair that was in Bella's face behind her ear. "We have missed you. How are you doing?"

The future-seeing leech got what amounted to a mischievous look. "Don't mind these men and your polite answers, Esme and I are here to help."

"Esme." Bella took her hand and touched the mother's face keeping her palm on the mother's cheek.

I shuttered at the thought of touching one of them. I didn't know how she did it.

"Alice." Bella grinned widely bringing her hand down.

"You're wearing the clothes I bought you." The seer grinned like she won the lottery.

"I am?" Bella sounded surprised.

"You are. I packed your bag with Edward. He packed the bathroom stuff, while I went into your room and packed your clothes, but I didn't like some of your choices and Edward gave me permission to buy you some new things as long as they were tasteful." She spat out the last word.

Bella grinned widely with recognition in her eyes. "I remember."

"You remember?" the mother asked.

She nodded. "Yes. Before a wolf," she pointed at me, "and two angels were visiting me and having a discussion about my clothes. The two angels were arguing." She narrowed her eyes and her brows came together. "Eventually Charlie told Alice that she couldn't throw out my clothes and replace them all. That she'd have to wait till I woke up," she said strained. Then she looked relieved.

The future-seer grinned wider than I had ever seen a bloodsucker smile before. Even her back teeth were showing. Rather than looking happy it looked intimidating like any minute she was going to tear into Bella. "You do remember. So can I–"

"Alice," the mother chided. "Let the poor girl go home first."

The seer frowned, but the delight in her eyes stayed.

I rolled my eyes. This conversation about Bella's clothes was dull the first time. It was even less interesting the second time around.

"What else do you remember, Bella?"

"I remember you." She grabbed the mother bloodsucker's hand. "You came before Alice and Edward and Jacob, though." She looked at the mother for verification.

Why did she do that? She was acting like she knew the mother leech better than she knew Charlie or me. I didn't like that at all.

"Yes, that's true. I did."

Bella scrunched her face again. "Edward was there and two other angels? Was one of them, you, Alice?"

She nodded. "Yes, Emmett and myself came with Edward."

I wished I had been here so I could interject with a story or something so that the bloodsuckers weren't the ones comforting her.

Bella nodded knowingly. "And there were lots of birds. They made a lot of noise, but I didn't understand them." She looked slightly sad and frustrated. Then her face lit up again. "I understood you though, Esme. You said that I was already a daughter to you, that you loved me, that you needed me, and that you wanted me to come back to you." She looked at the mother again searching for verification.

I really didn't like that Bella was doing that. It seemed like they were treating her as if she was one of them instead of their food source. They told such convincing lies. Good thing I could see through them.

"Yes. That is what I said. And I meant every word." Even with her too sweet melody that hurt my ears I could hear the conviction in her words.

"Do I have a room in your house?" Bella whispered conspiratorially to the mother leech.

My arms were beginning to shake.

Dad looked at me sternly and with concern.

"No, not yet." There was the smallest pause in speech as if she was considering her next words. "In the past when you slept over you stayed in one of my children's rooms."

"Sometimes we have sleepovers," The future-seer whispered back as if they were both young teenaged girls. "And I do your hair and try out makeup and go shopping." The last word came out almost in reverence.

Bella studied the seer's face. She looked at the mother leech. "So if you're my mother, what does that make you?" she asked as she looked back at The future-seer.

Now I understood why she didn't call Charlie Dad. No one had filled her in.

Both of the leeches smiled nervously. The fortune-teller had that far away look she gets. The mother looked at Charlie. He felt her gaze and looked back at her bewildered. He hadn't been paying attention to the conversation.

The mother leech looked back at Bella and spoke slowly. "See, Bella, you are dating my son, Edward, and I am not-so-secretly hoping that you two will get married soon and then you would be my daughter."

Her hand tightened slightly around Bella's.

My hands began shaking even more.

The fortune-telling bloodsucker slid me a sidewise glace.

My Dad's eyes asked if we needed to go.

I shook my head no. I worked at calming myself. At least she hadn't told Bella that they were already engaged.

"But even if things don't work out between Edward and you, you will always have a special place in my heart and will always will be welcome in my home. To me, you are already my daughter, no matter what."

My hands were shaking even more.

I watched as Charlie's eyes tightened as the mother had spoken and then relax towards the end.

I felt great relief and calmed myself as I realised that even the vermin's mother wasn't certain about the vermin and Bella. There was a chance Bella would choose me.

I watched as Bella's expressions changed from uncertainty to confusion to peace. Then she looked over to the fortune-teller. "So … you're Edward's …"

"Sister," she finished.

Bella rolled the word around in her mouth. "Sister."

She nodded.

"That makes Esme your …"

"Mother," she supplied.

Bella's face lightened. "And the doctor, Carlisle?"

"Is my husband and Alice's and Edward's father."

Bella nodded. "Emmett?"

"Also my son and Alice's and Edward's brother."

Bella nodded enthusiastically. "And you all are the Cullens." There was a slight question mark at the end.

Both of the bloodsuckers nodded grinning.

Bella concentrated. "So, the birds were the Quileutes?" She looked at the bloodsuckers and then at me.

I smiled.

She looked confused again. "But you said you were a Quileute and you were a wolf." She shook her head back and forth.

I looked at Dad hoping he would have an answer.

The bloodsuckers had a look like they weren't sure what to say.

"Our legends tell us that my people, the Quileutes, are descendants from wolves, but when the pack gets together their chatter does sound like a noisy flock," Billy explained.

Bella nodded gravely like his explanation made perfect sense.

Charlie looked genuinely relieved. "There were a lot of them that day. Seth came with Sue, but then she had to go back to work. Then Quil, Emery, Brady, and Collin came." He smiled at Billy with relief. "Later even Sam and Emily joined them. You're right. They do sound like a loud flock of geese."

Bella nodded in agreement.

Charlie went back to talking with Billy.

"Seen anything worthwhile … Alice?" I asked the fortune-teller.

"No," she answered with sadness that aged her.

"What's wrong, Alice?" Bella asked.

The seer stared at her hands for a moment. "I missed something important and I'm upset about it."

The mother put her arm around the future-seer. "You're too hard on yourself, Alice."

The fortune-teller smiled grimly. "I know, but I still feel bad."

"Maybe we could have a sleepover?" Bella suggested. "Would that help you feel better?"

This selfless aspect of Bella I loved and hated. At the moment I hated it. I could only hope that she'd be a little bit more selfish.

The seer looked hesitant. "Charlie?"

He looked up.

"Bella just asked me if she could come over for a sleepover, and well, with everything, I didn't know what to say." She turned to Bella. "Of course, I _want_ you to."

Charlie pondered for a while. "I can't see the harm. But Alice," he warned.

"Yes?" she answered innocence clouding her words.

"Nothing new. She needs her old things to help her … adjust. She needs to do things just like she used to. Nothing new period. You got me?" He said the last statement firmly with the full authority of his station in his voice.

"Yes, sir. Nothing new. Got it, sir." Then she flashed him a smile.

He shook his head indulgently as if she was just a kid. No wonder they get away with everything.

"Mom?" the fortune-teller looked at the mother leech tentatively.

"I'm not sure. Things at home are … well … what do you see?"

"I'd have to go take a short walk to be sure."

"Well, why don't you do that? We don't want to tip a failing apple cart."

The fortune-teller nodded gravely. "I'll be right back, Bella."

Bella looked confused. After we were down one bloodsucker Bella whispered to the mother leech, "Why does she need a walk?"

"She can see things for herself better when she is alone."

"Oh." Bella looked out the door compassionately.

They were really good at this pretending human stuff and telling truth that covered lies. Experts I'd even say. No wonder the vermin had fooled Bella. It all made sense to me. I always knew they were liars, but had never figured out how the managed it. It actually amazed me how human they could appear. They were skilled actors.

I decided to distract myself by digging into the food they had brought. "How did you learn to cook like this?" I asked the mother genuinely curious on how a bloodsucker cooks such good tasting food.

She smiled gently. "I used to love to cook before … well, before I was a Cullen. They don't appreciate my skills much." She grinned with a twinkle in her eye. "But with Bella hanging around our house more, I've had more opportunity to practice and I do love it." She paused and then whispered towards me, "I do it mostly by smell."

Ah. That made sense. Just. I never imagined. Maybe I could add the mother to my list of not demon spawn.

"You hungry, Bella?" the mother asked.

I felt a tinge of guilt that the bloodsucker had thought to ask Bella about food when I hadn't.

"Yes, just a little," she responded.

"No, problem, dear." She cut a small portion, grabbed a fork, and handed it to Bella.

"Billy? Charlie? Would you like some?" the mother asked.

"Yes, thank you, Esme," Charlie.

"That's very thoughtful of you, Mrs. Cullen," Dad replied.

"Esme," she insisted as she handed over two plates with plastic cutlery.

Dad nodded. "Thank you, Esme."

"Yes, thank you," Charlie muttered with his mouth full.

Between mouthfuls Bella asked her, "Is Edward coming to visit?" Before she could respond Bella added. "You know, he's been here a lot. He always promised to come back tomorrow."

I was curious what lie they would use. Anything that came between the vermin and Bella sounded good to me.

"Yes, dear. He's been here every day since you came in." She looked sad, but like she was hiding an even deeper sadness. "I don't know if he'll be able to come today. I know that he would want to."

Bella looked confused. "Well, why _wouldn't_ he come? He promised."

"Bella, I don't know how to tell you. Edward is not well." Sadness permeated her body like it was seeping out of her.

Maybe they were trying to let Bella down easy since he had walked away from her again. Sounded like something he would do. He broke her heart once; he was bound to do it twice. Only this time he had left his family to clean up his mess. He really deserves to be torn apart, even more than those red-eyed ones we killed. Too bad the treaty protected him.

Bella's eyes grew large then she looked very confused. She shook her head. "Angels can't get sick."

The seer walked back in and stood at the end of the bed.

"No, there must be some mistake. That's not possible," Bella argued fervently.

"Well, darling, you would think that, but Edward has shown us that we were wrong."

Bella looked agasp. Suddenly Bella moved like she had to get out of the hospital right this moment.

The mother leech put a hand on her stopping her.

Bella didn't even flinch.

"He visited me. It's only right that I visit him." Bella looked at the mother defiantly.

I wished that she didn't want to see him so badly. I knew that he loved her in his way and that she was under his spell, but I had hoped that with her memory cleared she wouldn't be so spellbound anymore.

"I agree with you, darling, but he's not here in the hospital."

I covered a snigger.

"Oh," Bella responded gravely and stopped struggling. "Where is he then?"

"At home." The mother looked at the fortune-teller.

The fortune-teller nodded. Stupid bloodsuckers with their silent communications.

"We're taking good care of him. Maybe you could visit him when you come for your sleepover with Alice," the mother told Bella.

At this Bella's face lightened up. "After I leave the hospital and see my room in Charlie's house," Bella stated sternly.

"Yes, that's right. Today is Thursday. Tomorrow is Friday. Maybe on Friday afternoon Alice could pick you up, assuming Doctor Whitaker releases you."

Bella nodded like she understood. Then for the briefest moment she had a sunken look like she had when the vermin had left.

The fortune-teller must have seen it too because she added, "We're not leaving, Bella. Please don't worry. We are not going anywhere. Edward is just at home unwell. Having a sleepover sounds like a good idea to me."

The mother looked relieved, but it was really slight and quick.

Bella looked at the mother leech with a yearning I couldn't understand.

Why would she respond to a leech like that? Sure the mother was about as cool as the doc, but didn't mean anyone wanted to make them a parent or look up to them.

"Yes, Bella. We are not leaving Forks," the mother insisted.

Bella's normal colouring returned.

That look gave me hope. She did remember somewhere in her what it was like to have the vermin leave. Somewhere she knew how much he had hurt her. That meant that somewhere she knew that he was the one that caused her pain. This time she wouldn't take him back unconditionally. This time she would see how good she and I were together. This time she would pick me or, in the worst case possible, pick someone else who would allow her to have a long happy _human_ life.

"Anything else that you remember, Bella?" I asked her after too many minutes of awkward silence.

"Hum, let's see. I told you that you, Billy, Alice, and Edward visited me?" she looked at me hopeful.

"Sure did."

"And that before that the phoenixes and angles visited me. Charlie told me they were named Seth and his mom, Sue, Quil, Emery, Brady, and Collin and then Sam and his girlfriend Emily. I wish I knew who was who, though."

"Not sure what to tell you, Bells. One day you'll meet them all. No worries," I attempted to reassure her.

She nodded sadly.

"Anything more?" I asked after some more awkward silence.

Charlie and Billy were happy chatting away, but I was stuck with the two female leeches.

"Before that there was a T.V. room that I didn't like and my mother telling me she was marrying Phil, although that's a bit cloudy. Before that I was in a cave, I think, but that's even cloudier. I don't remember anyone coming to visit me, but I heard Charlie's voice and Edward's, at least I think it was Edward's. He talked too fast." She huffed. The mother smiled sadly and the fortune-teller smirked.

"Before that I was in a tunnel, but that's really foggy, so I'm not sure."

"Sounds almost like a grand adventure," I told her hoping to lighten the mood.

"So, can you tell me about the phoenixes?" she asked excited.

I looked back and forth between the bloodsuckers. They both seemed to be trying to hide their mirth, although the mother was doing a better job at it. I thought about what I could tell Bella about the pack members.

Somehow it was this moment when I realised that I got a clean slate with her. She might not remember us kissing, but she also didn't remember hitting me. This time I could do it without needing to convince her. This time she could fall in love with me properly. A huge grin spread across my face before I started telling her about my pack brothers. I told her what kind of video games they liked, what grade they were in, their personalities, silly things we did, the work I did in the garage, all kind of mundane things, but nothing that would give any helpful information to the leeches. Every once in a while, Bella would interrupt me and ask a question. Her questions were difficult because they reminded me of how little she really knew. She wouldn't of known me from Adam. It was kind of depressing.

I spent the next hour or so talking. When I had run out of things to say Bella turned to the mother and asked her to share stories of the Cullens. Honestly most of her stories were really funny. The way she told them made them sound, apart from the doc, like a bunch of rowdy teenagers with Emmett being the biggest troublemaker. I'd have to keep some of the pranks he had pulled to myself so I could get Quil or Jared with them. The more she talked the easier it was to forget that they were a bunch of bloodsucking monsters who wanted to kill Bella. Her stories puttered out and she looked poignantly at the future-seer.

"We need to go soon, Bella," she explained to Bella placing her hand on Bella's.

"Oh, okay," Bella said, but she looked down.

"I'm glad you're awake. We missed you sweet darling. I'll see you again when you come over to our house. Remember that we all love you." The adoration for Bella that shone in her eyes could not be mistaken.

The fortune-teller bounced over and kissed Bella on the check. "I'll pick you up for the sleepover. I hope Doctor Whitaker lets you out tomorrow."

"Okay. Thank you for visiting. I enjoyed your stories, Esme," she said sincerely.

Once they were out the door I teased her, "And what about my stories?"

She smiled. "I liked your stories too Jake."

I moved my chair closer putting my hand on her leg. "We were worried about you, Bells. I'm glad you're awake."

"Hmmm …" she mumbled.

"Want some more food?"

"No thank you. How about you take the rest home?"

I bristled at the idea, but remembered Bella would be fed here and it tasted good.

"Hey, Dad, Bella offered for us to take home the leftovers. Interested?"

"Charlie?" he asked.

"Fine by me. I'm going to head home soon, shower, and get some zzzs."

"Let me call Sam and tell him that we're ready to head home."

"Sure, sure," I told him.

I looked at Bella. "You sure you don't need anything?"

"No, but thank you."

I nodded. Dad made the arrangements. I put the dish on his lap and we got ready to go. Right before we headed out I went over and kissed Bella on the check. "See you soon, Bella," I told her as I rushed over to push Dad out the door.

She looked me with her eyes wide, her mouth open a little startled.

Hopefully I hadn't over done it.

"Bye, Jake," I heard her whisper as we entered the hall.

Dad had been right. It had been difficult, but honestly I didn't care how much she remembered or not, I had been given a new chance. This time I wasn't going to waste it.


	24. Bella–Hospital and Charlie's

**Disclaimer: The idea of why Charlie defended the Cullens to Billy comes from Sara K M's story The Man Behind the Mask here on FF.**

Chapter 24: Bella–Hospital and Charlie's

* * *

There were many people that had come to visit me since my arrival to this new location. It wasn't a terribly bad place, although the soothing nature of the beach or the silence of the meadow would have been welcomed. Even if the exchange had been a bit confusing, Doctor Carlisle Cullen had been gentle and kind with his words. Certainly more than nurses. They had done some strange things to me, then had helped me to the bathroom to brush my teeth, use the facilities, and shower, and then had assisted me in picking out an outfit that looked comfy. Nurses were officially helpful people, but not on my favourite list.

Charlie had stayed out of the room from when Carlisle invited him to get some coffee until after the nurses left. When Charlie had re-entered he had sat in the chair to my left and stared at the wall opposite my bed for a long while. It was during our first conversation that I reconsidered my decision.

Eventually he had asked me, "You doing all right there kiddo?"

And I had answered, "I'm fine." After a while I had asked him, "Can I leave here?"

"Sure, Bells. Your room would be better than here."

Without further thought my legs had begun to swing to the edge of the bed.

"Not right now, Bells. The doctor has to give the go ahead."

"Oh," I muttered. His words had created a diffuse feeling that brought up images of a warehouse of T.V. monitors. My sense of urgency to leave this location increased. Considering all that had happened before and the fact that there was now a face to go with the voice that had followed me from location to location stopped my motions. After all, I had done what he had requested and found him. He could hear my voice. So, that was nice. Patience seemed to be what was needed; so waiting was in order. After a lengthy silence and settling myself back into the bed, I had asked tentatively "Where's my room?"

"With me," he answered after a deep exhale.

Since he was here with me already his answer made no sense, but pursuing it seemed fruitless, so I let it drop.

After another long bit of silence I asked him, "Are the phoenixes the same as the Quileutes?"

"I don't know," was his sad reply.

It seemed that every question out of my mouth made him sad, not that he ever told me why.

After a bit more he had fallen asleep, the clouds outside my window had gained a grey bluish colour and muted light scattered into the space.

If nurses were tolerable, doctors were irritations. The rude man who called himself Doctor Whitaker came in after my room had brightened dully. Food had been brought, but the tray had not yet taken away. Charlie had woken almost as soon as the doctor had spoken.

After introducing himself, Dr. Whitaker's asked, "How are you this morning?" which was fine enough, but then started asking me things that I did not remember. How did I get hurt? Where was the car crash? How did I get my injury on the inside of my arm?

Each time I answered either "No," or "I don't know." What began as irritation on my part quickly gave rise to ire. Who did this man think he was to ask me all these questions?

He nodded like he accepted each answer but he had a frustrated look on his face.

"What about your injury on the inside of your right wrist?"

Holding it up it felt cooler to my touch then the rest of the skin, it was closer to Esme's skin temperature than my own oddly enough, and was in a narrow O type shape with indentations.

"No," I replied my ire at his questions and the fact that I didn't know the answers coming through.

He asked me a few other injury related question about my scars. I didn't like him at all. My memories didn't have his answers. It didn't seem that complicated to me, but he made it more troublesome than necessary. Especially, I didn't like that he made me feel like my body belonged to someone else or that there was something wrong with me for not having answers to his questions.

"What do you remember, then?" he had asked with an irritated tone.

My eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Doctor Carlisle Cullen," I answered curtly.

From the corner of my eye it looked like Charlie had smirked.

"Yes, anything other than that?" he sounded like he was trying to be nice, but failing.

After thinking for a long while, my eyes moved up from my hands to see him staring at me petulantly.

"A mothering angel telling me she loved me," I hedged.

He looked disappointed and irritated, but in a resigned kind of way. "All right. Thank you," was said in such a way to make me feel as if I had committed some grievous crime by not answering his questions. It wasn't like I could help it. He was officially on my not nice list.

Fortunately he didn't stick around. Charlie had walked out with him and they had talked some, but before Charlie had returned two people came in who turned out to be Billy and Jacob.

Billy sounded exactly the same as my memory and was kind. The fact that he had explained things, clarified some things that had been confusing to me, and made Charlie less sad pleased me.

Jacob had a warm sunny disposition and had been funny. Most of what he said was confusing, but his voice gave me the same sense as it had at the meadow. It was a nice feeling and his efforts were appreciated. It was relieving that when he had asked about my memories that he didn't get upset by what I shared. Taking turns sharing stories had been the best part of the whole day.

Esme had been wonderful. She was just like her voice: loving and welcoming and accepting and hugs and chocolate milk. I wanted her to be my mother, although my memory told me that a woman named Renée, who I had referred to as Mom in Phoenix, had that role. Were mothers something could be changed? I sure hoped so. There was a connection and feeling associated with Renée. It was something akin to Alice–friendly, fun, pleasant–but nothing like Esme. As safe as Charlie's voice felt, I wished to have a room at Esme's house.

Alice had been a little strange, but seemed happy to spend time with me.

Although it had been nice to have visitors, having everyone leave and it just being Charlie and I was a relief. It had simply been overwhelming and being left to my thoughts was appreciated. Dinner wasn't nearly as good as Esme's cooking, as it was the things on the tray that the hospital provided. Charlie ate come he had brought back from downstairs.

After the food was gone, there was nothing left to do but sit thinking about all the new information acquired today. Once my thoughts felt a bit more ordered, I asked Charlie, "So why is my room with you?"

His eyes were thoughtful. "Well, Bells, when you were very young your mother and you left Forks and moved to warmer places, eventually settling in Phoenix. Originally after you and your mom left I would visit you. Then once you started school you would come for the summer. But you haven't for the last few years cause you wanted to spend the summer with your friends from school instead." He looked like he was sad about that part, but was trying to hide it.

"Then two summers ago your mom decided to get remarried. His name is Phil. He's a minor league baseball player and travels a lot. After a few months of your junior year you called me up and asked if you could come and move in with me after Christmas." He looked at me dearly. "You are, of course, always welcome. So, I said. 'Yes, come leave with your dear old dad.' And Renée stayed with Phil. Last I heard they were in Jacksonville, Florida."

The feeling that he was trustworthy was confirmed with his words. They matched my memory with Renée in Phoenix while adding a bit more. The most important bit of information was that this room he talked about was in a different location than the hospital, presumably one where he was at.

"Is she nearby now?" I asked.

"Who Renée?"

Nodding back seemed prudent, as for reasons beyond me, tears had collected in the corners of my eyes.

"No. She hasn't been able to come," he told me with a gruffness that seemed both sad and irritated. "Florida is really far from here Bells and she's not a fan of Forks," he said as way of an explanation, but his tone suggested that he didn't think that should matter.

Confusion came over me again. What did Forks have to do with visiting me? It was baffling me, but it seemed that she had some bewildering aversion. Since Charlie was irritated, my bafflement grew. Where mothers supposed to come to see their children in the hospital? Esme had come. Charlie was here.

"Do you think it would be okay if I called her and talked to her?" I asked seeing no other way to clear up my confusion.

Apart from my perplexity, my question contained a hope that talking with her would aid me to match this location with my previous places and gain more clarity. Out of everyone she and Phil were the only ones in my memories that had been clearly human.

"She'd probably like that," he told me.

He took out his phone and after dialling handed me the device.

"Hello?" I heard this exuberant young voice say after a few rings.

The voice felt vaguely familiar and images of her and me in a house in Phoenix crystallized with detailed added. I smiled at the memory of me reading a book on the porch when she had come out and told me she had said yes to Phil.

"Hello, this is Bella," I managed to answer.

"Oh, hi Bella. Edward called a few days ago and told me that you got hurt. And has been texting me updates. The one last night said you were still unconscious. He's a good guy. Are you okay now? The deer cause any permanent damage?" Her words were in a rush, although marginally understandable, and terribly bewildering me. She sounded concerned, but not motherly. She was certainly not Esme.

"I'm fine," I told her needing her to calm down. "I'm at a hospital with Charlie. Hopefully he's going to take me to my room soon."

"Oh, honey, I'm so glad." Then she went into this detail description of her life. None of which was understandable, but she seemed happy to talk. After a while it was making me tired, so politely I told her that I needed to go.

"Make sure to respond to my emails," was the last thing she said.

This last comment made no sense, and really the conversation had been more baffling than anything.

"Charlie, remind me not to do that again soon," I requested softly yet sincerely.

It seemed like he chuckled slightly under his breath. "Sure, Bells. Maybe Edward can call her. He seems to handle her well." He smirked in a way that indicated he was enjoying some private joke.

Nodding I attempted to recall the last thing Charlie had told me in my memories. The most recent images were the clearest. The memory of Renée told me nothing except that she was with Phil but the feeling that I no longer belonged with her was firmly in my bones. Did I belong with Charlie? He sure seemed to think so. Esme had never imposed in a way that made it seem like I belonged with her. It more was like open arms, ready to take me, but the choice was completely mine.

"Charlie?" I asked after a while.

He turned his face looking at me.

"I remember you saying that the Cullens and the Quileutes didn't get along and you were proud of me for bringing them together. They seemed okay to me when they were here today."

He nodded and then took a long time before he answered. "When the Cullens first moved here the tribal council, Billy included, didn't like them and kept warning me about them. Since he's my best friend, I took his warnings seriously and kept an eye out for them to do something wrong, but I never had any trouble. Then one day on a routine call I ended up bringing to the hospital a woman in bad shape. Dr. Cullen was on call and really went above and beyond for her. Right then I decided that whatever prejudices Billy had I wasn't going to buy them anymore. It put a strain between Billy and I.

"Then when you moved here. Billy and I moved on and let bygones be bygones. He was dead set against you dating Edward. I mean, sure, all the Cullens are a little odd, but I can't find any fault against them. That is until they got up and disappeared in the middle of the night. Dr. Cullen got some kind of fancy offer in Los Angeles he couldn't refuse or some such thing. They handled everything all wrong. I would have thought Dr. Cullen would have raised his son better …"

Whatever happened he was really angry about it. Long uncomfortable minutes passed while Charlie looked pained. Eventually his features evened out.

"Anyway, after the Cullens came back from L.A. …" He was red in the face now. He took in a deep breath. "Well, I could tell that the Cullens bothered Billy even more. I wasn't in disagreement with him. The way Edward treated you when they left and then how you just … well … he hurt you tons." His eyes burned fiercely and his skin was still red. "Back to Billy. Without explanation before graduation things started to change. Then on this past Sunday when Jake got hurt he allowed Dr. Cullen and Edward into his house so that Dr. Cullen could treat Jake. Whatever tension was there has lessened and I'm convinced that it's all because of you." He huffed and then grinned proudly while he blushed pink.

Taking it in my head bobbed up and down a few times. "Okay. Thanks for explaining."

Whatever had happened between Edward and I when Carlisle had gotten that job offer had been bad by the sound of Charlie. Perhaps it was associated in some way to the pain I had felt when my angel had left me promising to be back? But Billy not liking angels in general didn't make sense. Billy seemed like a wise kind man. Maybe he didn't think that angels should be involved in humans' lives and be visible to us?

Charlie seemed to be watching me carefully but pleased at my response.

Turning over to my side looking out the window, but one more thing was bothering me. I turned back to him. "What's odd about them?"

Charlie coughed a few times. "Um, well, see, they all are modelesque, their skin is really pale even for around here, their hands are cold, and sometimes they speak in a way that's more suitable for a black and white film than the 21st century."

He paused for a few minutes. It seemed like he wasn't going to say more. Just as I was about to turn back over he took in a deep breath, so I tried to be patient.

"I'll admit, Bells, I'm not the greatest fan of Edward. No man will ever be good enough for my little girl, but even I have to say after this past week that Edward has demonstrated a lot of maturity. I'm still upset for … well … anyway … my point is that people in small towns talk when someone is different. But different or not, my experience is that the Cullens, Edward's behaviour excluded, are good peoples." He shook his head. "Esme was really great today. Far better than Renée would have been."

Looking at him closely the connections came to my mind that if Renée had been called Mom in my memory and Charlie had called me 'his little girl' that he was probably my Dad. It made sense suddenly why his voice felt safe and my room was in his house not to mention his story about seeing me in the summers. Waiting longer than the last time, I paused to see if he would continue. He didn't. As my body had started to turn back and face away from him, he spoke again.

"I'm going to head home, Bella, but I'll be back early tomorrow morning."

Facing him I replied, "Okay, Charlie. See you then."

"Well, okay then." Then he patted my shoulder and headed out.

Glad to have just my thoughts my eyes looked out the windows. The part of the sky that could be seen from my vantage point was as black and there wasn't even stars.

As great as Charlie had been and as safe and secure I had felt around him, it was Esme that I missed. Being around her felt like being wrapped in a warm blanket, not securely like how it was with Charlie, but rather in this sensation that she would be there to kiss the pain from a skinned knee away. Charlie probably would have tried to stop me from skinning my knee in the first place I imagined childishly. Images of Charlie keeping me safe from harm ran through my mind. It reminded me of being cocooned. When my mind conjured imagines of Esme she was watching from a careful distance, letting me fall, then coming over and comforting me.

Despite the sense of safety and security Charlie brought me, something inside of me felt pulled towards Esme and the images her love conjured. I didn't want to be coddled and kept from harm; I wanted to explore and scrape my knee. Thinking back over the day and my visitors my mind tried to deduce what lessons there were to learn.

It had seemed when people visited that they acted as if they knew me well. There were moments, in fact, when it seemed as if they knew me better than I knew myself, and had decided without my input or without explaining things to me what was best for me. The exception had been Esme and Jacob a distant second, although, in fairness, Billy hadn't said enough one way or another. It had been very irritating. Hopefully my irritation hadn't shown. Everyone kept telling me I was the one who had gotten hurt. Renée had mentioned something about a deer and being unconscious, which made no sense at all. Just one of many many things that perplexed me. On a good side my irritation had made my memories even more valuable. Lying in the bed, my mind went over all my memories and everything I had learned today to begin to compile a firm understanding of this location.

Charlie's rant about Edward was a mystery. Evidently his leaving had been hard on me. And it seemed like he had come back and we had gotten back together. It sounded like they moved because of Dr. Cullen's job. How that resulted in Charlie being mad at Edward was beyond me. Yet as he spoke, my body had seemed to have a remembrance of that time. No specific memory came, but the sensation of feeling hallow inside had been profound. Edward had caused that feeling. There was a dull throbbing in my chest but nothing significant. How that sensation was connected to Edward was perplexing and honestly scared me.

Shoes on the linoleum floor interrupted my thoughts. Daring to look up I expected another nurse. Instead it was Dr. Cullen, no Carlisle. Turning to face him I sat up wrapping my hands around my legs.

"What's up Doc?" I asked smiling at the nickname Jacob has said.

He smiled back at me in a mirrored fashion. "Sounds like you're in good spirits," he told me his voice less serious than last time.

"Yeah," I answered uncertain.

Carlisle looked at me warmly. "I'm sorry, dear. I forgot myself. I won't happen again. I meant to say that I am pleased to see you cheerful."

"Oh! Thanks." It was nice that he explained.

Thinking back to last night it had been confusing. Ultimately I trusted Dr. Carlisle Cullen, but he was a puzzle needing solving. Carlisle hadn't returned since he had led Charlie out into the hall. It had been dark. Here it was dark again. Perhaps that meant something. Pleased to see him again I nonetheless wished that he could have come more often.

Carlisle asked me, "Shall we take a walk or chat here?"

"I'd like a walk," I decided.

"Okay. Not too far, then."

Nodding gingerly while getting down the plastic tube going up to the bag full of clear liquid caught my eye. Looking back to Carlisle, unsure what to do about it, he noticed my unspoken question, came over, and undid a connection.

"Okay, now?" he asked.

"Yup." Starting towards the door, "I don't walk fast," I warned him.

"Perfect. I need a leisurely stroll." There seemed to be a smile in his tone.

Wondering why that was I raised my eyebrows at him, but chose to say nothing.

He just walked quietly a half step behind me.

My feelings of trust in him were unparallelled. In my bones I knew that he was trustworthy with my life, with my future, that he would keep me from harm at all cost, but it had the skinned knee element like Esme. Somehow inside of me I was unequivocally certain that if I needed to run to someone it would Carlisle and Esme over Charlie. Carlisle just seemed … my mind searched for a word … more sturdy, more capable in some unknown way to handle crisis in a fortress kind of way. Giving up trying to name the feeling around Carlisle, as it was making my head hurt, I rested in the place deep inside of me that if all my chips were on the table I would choose Carlisle to protect me.

Before my mouth could be closed I blurted out, "Why didn't Billy and the Quileutes like you before?" Then my checks warmed as he became slightly surprised and then had the slightest hint of uncertainty. Maybe he wouldn't want to talk about it. Maybe my question had been inconsiderate. But my feelings were in opposition to Charlie's explanation and I had been hoping that Carlisle could give me clarity. "I'm sorry. You don't have to answer if you don't want," I amended.

"It's okay. Just people don't usually ask. Instead they guess and gossip. I was just surprised by the question, that's all." An unnameable playfulness danced in the corners of Carlisle's eyes.

I nodded understanding his surprise when he explained it like that. His words felt like truth, so I waited patiently.

"It's kind of complicated and old," Carlisle said obviously giving his answer some thought. "Cullens lived in this area many years ago and there were some disputes with the Quileutes over hunting on lands and boundaries. Eventually a treaty was created, but both sides were suspicious of the other. That continued when we came to Forks." His tone had a melody to it that made what he said memorizing, soothing, and riveting.

Nodding my mind compared his explanation to Romeo and Juliet, this was like an old family feud. How a fictional story could be memorable and not what happened between Edward and I irritated me. But not wanting to be distracted by how my brain was working, or rather, not working, "Were you suspicious of them?" I found the courage to ask.

His eyes seemed to darken slightly and then go back to their original colour so quickly it would be easy to doubt that it even happened. I realized that all the Cullens have the same odd colour eyes. Their eye colour would have to add that to the list of odd things that Charlie had told me. Why had his eyes changed colours like that and how? I'd have to pay close attention to see if anyone else's eye colours changed like that.

"Truthfully, yes." He sighed. "Trust takes time, but things have been improving, and I would say that things between Billy and I are as good as I could have ever hoped for."

Taking that in was reassuring. I liked the idea that they were getting along better.

"Well, that's good," I told Carlisle in what hopefully was a pleased tone. Pausing my thoughts reviewed what Charlie had said. "Charlie thinks I had something to do with that." There was a slight intonation of a question at the end.

"I would have to agree." He said this warmly and proudly like a parent might. "You have an amazing ability to see each individual beyond their outward appearance and see them for who they are. You have helped create dialogues that I could have only dreamed for."

Blushing at the idea that I was a person who had helped create a peace between two families where there hadn't been before was embarrassing, yet I liked the idea. Perhaps Carlisle would be willing to give me the answers I needed, which gave me the courage to ask another question that was pressing.

"Do you know how I got hurt? I remember choosing to leave the meadow and then I was here."

"You were driving and a deer hit you," he answered grievously.

That was what Renée had said.

Instead of objecting I asked, "Where was I going?"

Even though his answer didn't match my memories at all, I trusted that he was telling the truth. Uncertainty filled me however on how to reconcile his words with my memories though.

"That would be a better question for Charlie." He sounded honest, but there was something there hiding under the surface like it wasn't his place to talk about this, which confused me.

"How come?" I blurted out.

"Because you live with him and he would know better than me."

I thought about this. Perhaps Carlisle knew the answer because he was my doctor or something, but didn't want to overstep his bounds. That he hadn't answered my question was irritating, but I could appreciate his sense of propriety. He obviously took his role of doctor seriously.

"Oh," was all that came out of my mouth.

His answer did make sense. If my room was with Charlie, then Charlie would be most likely to have the answer, and Carlisle seemed to be suggesting, the most appropriate person to ask. Perhaps there was more going on between Carlisle and my question than his propriety as my doctor, but there was no way to find that answer. After a while I finally got the courage to ask another question that had been bugging me. "Do you know where I got my scars from?"

His face held the same expression, but there was something in his eyes. "I've treated all of your injuries since you moved from Forks except this time."

"Another time?" I whispered under my breath hoping he could hear me. Something about his tone had warned me that talking about this at that moment wasn't safe.

His eyes lit up again and he smiled. "You never cease to amaze me, Miss Swan." I had a suspicion he was teasing me some. "Perhaps we will have the chance to speak again. I heard rumours of a sleepover."

Nodding my head I told him, "Oh, yes."

He smiled indulgently.

"Can I come live with you and Esme and Alice instead?" I finally had the nerve to ask after an elongated period of silence.

Watching him out of the corner of my eye he seemed to want to say yes, but hesitated.

"What did Esme explain about our family?" he asked cautiously.

"Well, she said that she already considers me a daughter," I told him after some consideration. This was the crux of my right to move in with them. "That you and her are married, so are husband and wife to each other, and mother and father to your children." What else? "Um, Edward and I are dating, who is your son. You have Alice, who is your daughter and Edward's sister. There's also Emmett, who is your son, and Edward's and Alice's brother."

He nodded through it all. After a moment he asked, "Any more?"

It felt like there was something missing, but couldn't put my finger on it. Edward was sick resting at home, but that didn't seem to be what he meant. "Edward's sick?" I asked anyway just in case.

"Yes, Edward is not feeling well. Anything else?"

Liking that I had been right that my belief that Edward being sick wasn't what he was fishing for my teeth found my lower lip. After a few minutes I told him, "No." Nothing had come to mind.

"How about that we have two more children, Rosalie and Jasper?"

Pausing to think over his words, I finally answered, "No."

That was new information. Shaking my head no also, I hadn't known that. Esme hadn't mentioned them. We just talked about the ones that had visited.

"Ah. Well, Jasper avoids hospitals at all costs and Rosalie was helping me on a project. They weren't able to come visit you unfortunately." He paused ever so slightly before he went on. "Our house is very busy and loud. I imagine with just you and Charlie it's quiet. You might not like being in our house."

I considered the possibility. It was very thoughtful and kind of him to consider those details. It endeared me to him even more than before. It didn't change my feeling though.

"Alice said I used to come over for sleepovers," I countered pouting.

He smiled and his eyes lit up, but his tone was sombre. "That's true."

There was something in his tone that gave me pause. What might be the difference between spending the night with his family occasionally as opposed to being with them all the time?

"Not the same?" I guessed.

His point seemed even more valid. Their busy house might be great for a few nights, but would I like it all the time, especially if I were accustomed to a quiet house? I had the feeling that Carlisle was especially wise, far more so than his physical appearance suggested. Perhaps he was an old soul. The idea pleased me.

"No, not the same as moving in. Anyway, moving in and becoming a Cullen might upset Charlie."

He had a point. "I suppose that's true, but I feel like I belong with you and Esme more than Charlie even though I did figure out that he's my father and Renée is my mother." I shook my head at the memory of my conversation with her.

He stopped.

It seemed like an usual action for him. I stopped as well and turned towards him looking up into his eyes and felt inescapably drawn in. I couldn't have moved from the spot if I wanted to, which probably should have been terrifying. Instead I felt safe and loved like being drawn towards a hearth. He seemed to be searching into my eyes deeply.

"Bella, if that's what you really want, then I will honour your choice." He seemed to speak in a measured way like he was considering each word carefully. "You are an adult of legal age and by right can choose your own path. You will always be welcome in our home and as a Cullen immaterial of your relationship with Edward."

Considering his words he couldn't have granted me a more fair or generous offer. Somehow his tone had also held a warning causing my brain to realise that what I was asking for was as much as a mystery as everything else. I had been sorting out the world solely based on my feelings, and he had pointed out two really good things for me to consider. Intuitively I was aware that he had a far clearer picture of my request than I did. Consequently, I couldn't help but trust his judgement. His words reminded me of Esme.

"Esme said that too." I smiled at the memory. "The last part, anyway."

He smiled and looked away releasing me. "Well, Esme has all but adopted you already." His words and his gaze felt right, like coming home. My brain told me that I should want to run from anyone that could have that type of power over me, but I couldn't get my body to have that reaction.

We rounded a corner and we were almost back to my room.

"Carlisle? Can I ask a silly question?"

"Of course. You can ask me anything."

My cheeks warmed at the sincerity of his words. "What is a tomorrow?"

"A tomorrow?" He sounded as lost as I felt.

"Yes," I stated emphatically. "Everyone keeps talking about tomorrow. I get to go home tomorrow. They'll visit me tomorrow. What is a tomorrow?"

He smiled. "This is not a silly question. Everyone thinks that you know these things because you did before, but it is very important that you ask these questions."

Nodding I would try and remember that.

As we had ended our walk, I got into bed, and he reconnected me to my tube, an IV a nurse had called it, he explained. "A day usually starts when the sun, the big glowing yellow thing hiding behind the clouds, comes up and begins to shine. Then at the end of the day the sun cannot be seen. Tomorrow is talking about the next time the sun will come up. So, right now the sun cannot be seen, therefore it is dark out. If I say, 'see you tomorrow,' I am saying, see you the next time the sun has risen, but not necessarily when it first comes up, anytime in the day when it is out."

"Oh!" I smiled broadly. "So, I get to go home after the sun comes up?"

"Yes," he smiled sweetly back.

"How much after it comes up?"

"I don't know. Dr. Whitaker has that answer."

I nodded knowingly. Yes, grumbling internally, I knew who that is. He would come when it is no longer dark outside presumably then.

"I don't like him," I muttered. "Why can't you be my doctor?"

He smiled mischievously making him look especially youthful. "Because you're dating my son."

"But you treated everything else," I pointed out.

"The first time I treated you here in the hospital you and Edward were barely speaking. The next time you were in hospital we were in Phoenix and the times in between have been in our home."

"So that's a no?" I asked cheekily.

He smiled. "What's wrong with Dr. Whitaker anyway?"

"He asked lots of questions I didn't have answers to. Like he wanted to know where I got my scars. It was highly irritating."

"He's a good doctor, Bella. He's just trying to do his job," in a kind tone that was fatherly.

I sighed in acquiescence aware that he was right. "Thank you, Carlisle," I said sincerely.

"Anytime. Keep asking those questions. They are important for your healing." He paused at my bed like he wanted to kiss my forehead goodnight and tuck me in, but thought better of it.

Perhaps he too thought of me as a daughter. He and Esme had both said I was welcome in their family irrelevant of my relationship with Edward. Perhaps he did. The idea warmed me.

"Good night, Bella," he said as he walked away.

"Good night, Carlisle."

Not long after my eyelids felt heavy and I allowed them to close hoping that when they opened up again I hadn't been transported to a new location.

This is a small space where my angel from my memories is on my left and Jacob the wolf is on my right. They both have their teeth barred and look as if they were about to tear into one other. I put my hand on each of their chests and command that they calm down. "I am Switzerland," I tell them. "You are Edward and you are Jacob." I look at them each in turn. "I will not be affected by the territorial disputes between mystical creatures." They begin to calm down and then Jacob storms out.

When my eyelids opened my location was once again the hospital room but Charlie was not in his chair. I took care of myself without a nurse's watchful eye and hoped that Dr. Whitaker would come soon so I could leave. Coming out of the bathroom Charlie was there with food.

A little bit after the nurse took the breakfast tray away Dr. Whitaker came in.

"Still wanting to go home?" he asked briskly.

"Yes." Certainly.

"Okay. Remember, what are your conditions?" he asked seriously.

Thinking back through my memories I searched for his and my last conversation.

"I have to come back and visit." I tried to hide my uncertainty.

He smiled resigned. "Yes. A physical therapist and a cognitive therapist."

"Okay," I told him.

If that was what it took to leave, even though I had no idea what those things meant, I would agree.

"All right," he said in what seemed to be a reluctant tone. "I'll sign the release papers. Please be very careful. Your brain is still healing." He said these last statements in an almost pleading sad tone that was peculiar.

"Okay." I tried to make my tone solid so that he wouldn't have any doubts.

"I'll take care of her doctor," Charlie added emphatically. A picture of a young child surrounded by a plastic wall slightly shorter than the child came to mind.

The doctor seemed to come to a final decision. His features appeared set. He signed some papers. He looked up at me. "A nurse will come by and take out the IV and finish everything up."

"Okay." Relief flooded my tone.

Had Carlisle known that tomorrow leaving the hospital would include Dr. Whitaker and then a nurse? He was a doctor, so he probably did. Why hadn't he told me? He had been honest, but had only answered what I asked. What else might he not have told me? He didn't tell me anything about Edward, I noticed. Why? Didn't he trust me? Hopefully it was like my questions about my scars, he would give me the information away from the hospital.

Not terribly too much later a nurse came, finished everything up, put me in a wheel chair, took me to the front door while Charlie carried my bag, and Charlie walked me out of the hospital to his car. The car looked different from all the rest.

"Why the lights?" I asked.

"I'm the police chief."

"Ah." Although helpful, that wasn't what I had tried to ask. Yet, I couldn't really put my finger on what I needed to know. I wished my brain worked better.

At the same time his answer reassured me in some strange way. Suddenly my feelings made perfect sense. He made me feel safe in a contained and protected way. This was more of an occupation for him; it was who he was. Once he spoke it the truth of it felt real.

We drove in silence. It was weird when we pulled up to the house. I couldn't remember seeing the structure before, but certainly it felt familiar. We got out of the car. He walked towards the house with me slightly behind and opened the front door. He held the door while my legs carried me in, then he closed the door behind me. The noise had a sense of finality of it and the feeling of being put into a cage settled into me.

I consciously worked at standing in my spot. What I wanted to do with every part of my being was find my way to the Cullens home and never come back here, but I didn't know the way. Not to mention that everyone had said this house was where was where my room was, and even Esme had admitted that there was no room in her house for me. Had this space always felt as restraining as it did right now? Looking around Charlie stood next to me. The thing most familiar was the smell. I knew that smell. Despite my feelings, that this was where I had dwelt.

I stayed in my spot while Charlie moved away from me sitting on a comfy looking chair watching a game on the television. Suddenly I saw myself come down the stairs in a blue dress and a cast. Then, I watched myself walking past the stairs in jeans and a T-shirt entering the kitchen. Image after image entered my brain of being in this kitchen, of making food, of doing my homework.

These flashes did not tie together and they made no sense, but they told me that I had been here before and knew these spaces.

After a while of standing there unsure of where to go, Charlie came looking for me his face a little unnerved telling me, "Your room is upstairs," as he began ascending the stairs.

Following behind at the top of the stairs was a bathroom. To the left of the bathroom was a door that had been left open and looked like there was a purple cover on the bed. He got to the landing and moved to the right so that I could walk into the room. The whole house had been just like Jacob had described. The time he had taken to paint me a picture was much appreciated. Jacob was officially on my list of people I liked. When my feet crossed the threshold I knew this room. There was a scent in here that was sweet yet desirous like waking up to cookies being made at grandma's house, but with something else that tingled my insides. Irrelevant of how I felt downstairs, here in this room, with that scent, I felt free like a marathon runner at their top speed.

"Thanks, Charlie," I offered unsure of what might be the right thing to say in a situation like this.

"Sure." He put my bag on my bed. "I'm going to take a shower." He sounded tired beyond reasonable explanation. Hopefully that I was back here, he would get some sleep and being feeling better.

"Okay" was all I knew to offer.

Thinking back over the images that had flashed before me perhaps cooking might be how I could help Charlie feel better. It seemed like the least that I could do. But before facing the feelings that existed downstairs, I decided to unpack my bag. In the process of doing so, I investigated each item in each drawer, then the things on the shelves, in the closet, on my desk, and lastly under by bed. Often when I touched an item a flash of something would cross my mind or the feel of the item would be familiar to me. Yes. These were my things. Coming across some photos I immediately knew who the gorgeous boy with red hair and golden eyes and his arm around me was in the picture. By the time the searching through my room and my reveries were complete I could hear a game on the television.

Walking out of my room Charlie called out to me, "Hungry, Bells?"

"I don't know."

"I'll go ahead and order pizza."

I remembered my plans to make something, but decided that Charlie knew best. Maybe another time would be better to explore the kitchen. "Okay," I answered.

Instead, after a few more moments I came downstairs, sat down on the couch, and watched the game. There was a diamond of dirt and grass with men in uniforms. The word baseball tickled my brain. A flash of Edward holding a baseball in his glove with a huge smile on his face crossed my mind. His joy tickled my insides.

After the pizza had been delivered and the game was over I found the courage to ask Charlie, "Do I like baseball?"

"No, Bells. You don't really. That's the most of a game you've watched with me since you were little."

Nodding in agreement I hadn't really enjoyed watching it. It seemed slow and boring. But the feeling attached to Edward and baseball were excitement and fear. That didn't make sense, but I didn't want to talk to Charlie about it. Maybe I could talk to Esme or Carlisle. The thought of Esme and Carlisle brought up the last time Esme had visited. Hopefully Edward was feeling better.

"When is Alice picking me up for the sleepover?" I asked Charlie.

"Tomorrow." He grumbled like he didn't like the answer.

Was his grumblings to do with his dislike of Edward or if there was something else going on? Was he having second thoughts and changing his mind? I waited for an answer like Carlisle gave, an answer that explained things. It seemed like Charlie wasn't going to give that to me. It was an answer I could go without for the moment.

The realization began to dawn that without Charlie offering information I was at his mercy. For instance, I didn't know how to reach Alice, although I wished I could. At that thought the phone rang. Charlie picked it up and then handed it over.

"Yes?" I offered whomever was calling.

"Hi, Bella. It's me, Alice."

Smiling I replied, "Oh, hi, Alice. I was just thinking of you."

"I was calling so we could decide a time for me to pick you up." She sounded overly innocent.

There were so many things about that statement that I didn't know what to do with. So many unanswered questions and things that were confusing. "Um, Alice, I don't know what to bring for a sleepover," I admitted bashfully.

"No problem. I'll come over and help you pack and then we'll come to my house." She said this like this was an absolutely natural thing, so I added Alice to the people I've met that have been helpful. Just like her parents she seemed to have a knack to say the thing I needed to hear without me feeling weird or awkward about it, although her pushiness grated on me.

"Okay," I said relieved. "When tomorrow?"

"You pick."

After some thought, I really didn't have a good answer. "Should I eat breakfast here or at yours?"

That seemed to be the right questions, because she answered easily and quickly, "Yours."

Once again she put me at ease. "Okay. How about after breakfast, then?" I suggested.

"Perfect. I will be at your house right after breakfast."

Smiling I decided that I liked Alice. "Okay. Thanks for calling, Alice."

"No problem."

I hung up the phone.

"I'm going to go to work after you leave tomorrow, Bella, so you can reach me at the station or on my cell," Charlie told me without his eyes leaving the screen.

"Okay," I agreed.

I didn't have either of those numbers, but he made his statement so declaratively that I decided not to mention that detail. Whether I did or not have the things Charlie mentioned, my safety at the Cullens was assured and wouldn't have a need for him. In the end it didn't matter.

Feeling lost, sitting down here with him like I didn't really belong, I asked him after a few moments had passed, "What would have I usually done now?"

"You usually went to your room and read," he answered monotonely. His eyes still hadn't left the screen.

It seemed like an odd way to talk to someone else. The Cullens always gave me their full attention, even if, like when Carlisle and I took our walk, we weren't facing each other. Perhaps this was just how Charlie was. Presumably I would get used to it.

Considering the answer he had given, "I like to read?" I asked curiously.

There was a momentarily pause and some slight tension in the room.

"Yes, a lot," he answered quietly.

I considered this information. The discharge nurse had told me to do things that I used to do.

"Okay. I'm going to go to my room to read," I said with no inflection in my voice. Whether or not I would still like reading was a mystery, but it sure beat sitting downstairs.

"Good night, Bells."

"Good night, Charlie," I replied getting up.

I climbed the stairs, entered my room, found a book and began to read. It was like speaking. Some things I understood automatically. Some things came to me if I thought about it. And some things didn't make sense at all.

When my eyelids grew heavy I opened the window, climbed under the covers, turned off the light, and entered a space where Edward was in my bed holding me singing me to sleep.

* * *

 _A/N: Thank you for travelling with me through another round of povs. Now back to Alice ..._


	25. Alice–Trust, Honesty and Risk

**Disclaimer: The reference to how Edward was after leaving Bella comes from Saudade by Haemophilus Leona here on FanFiction with her permission.**

Chapter 25: Alice–Trust, Honesty and Risk

* * *

It had been 54 hours, 12 minutes and 49 seconds by the time I pulled into Bella's drive since Edward had not budged. It was my fault, and I felt terrible about it. My visions had warned me and I had missed it. It was like when my gift had shown Bella jumping off the cliff, only that time further investigation had shown my fears, resulting from what I had seen, to be unfounded. This time I had not been frantic when I should have been. Worse still, no matter how hard I had tried, I could not see Edward come out of his state. Last time he had been in a similar condition he had come out of it himself, but it had taken months.

Jasper told me later that the family had argued about whether we should risk an intervention. Carlisle had been certain that Edward would come out of it in his own time, asserting that our kind couldn't maintain his state indefinitely for no other reason than to feed, while also holding out some hope that Bella might be some help. Esme had been worried that Edward wouldn't come back to us, but evidently had voiced no opinion other than ensuring his return. Emmett had voiced concerns of how to contain Edward and keep him from killing any humans when he came out of it, since he was faster than us all. Rosalie was irate that no one seemed to know what was happening or how to fix it. Jazz insisted we needed Bella and scent. He had explained to me his theory of why Edward had shut down–he was repressing his vampire nature too much and the potential loss of Bella with no avenue offered to claim her or even be reassured that claiming would happen soon had been more than his mind and body could handle. Thus, Jazz's solution used Bella to lure the vampire part of Edward back out. She was his singer after all. That didn't sound like the best of options for Bella, to be honest.

Evidently Rosalie found Edward at his piano frozen creepy, so after much discussion and then greater effort Emmett and Carlisle had moved him to his bed. Rosalie and Emmett had been assigned guard duty, which was occasionally replaced by Esme, although I had no idea how Esme would have stop Edward.

If the argument about the merits of intervention wasn't enough, the family was deadlocked regarding what we were going to tell Bella.

At the hospital I had checked the risk factors in Bella coming over, given all that was going on, and although I never saw her getting hurt by being in the house and him frozen in his room, neither had her presence improved much of the chance of him coming out of it. Nevertheless, everyone would be home for Bella's visit, just in case.

Adjusting to this new way of looking at my visions was proving difficult. It felt as if Jazz and I had traded sides of the argument, which wasn't surprising. We balance each other. If I swung too far in the other direction, then he was bound to rein me in. The vision of Bella as one of us all but disappearing had rocked my world even with Jazz by my side. It was if my sense of gravity had disappeared. I had been consumed with my gift until it reappeared. The first good news came Saturday early in the morning. It had the qualities of what I had previously thought as having a fated element. However, this time I didn't have the confidence in what the vision was saying anymore.

"Good one, June bug?" Jazz had asked me as soon as I had come to.

"Bella as a newborn," I answered him loud enough that everyone in the house could hear. Of course, that excluded Carlisle since he wasn't back from his shift yet.

I swore even Rosalie muttered, "Thank goodness."

He looked at me seriously. "We're far from there," he whispered to me.

"I know, lover," I whispered back. "Want me to try to find a path to get us there?" I asked in hushed tones.

He considered it. "Not for now, June bug. Let's see how things play out for the moment. You've spent too much time the last 24 hours in the world of the not-yet, come spend time with me and be in the present." He kissed me lightly. "It's the first good news we've gotten since you saw her accident, and you deserve a break. You're too hard on yourself."

"Are you sure Jazz?" I teased.

"I'm coming round to your way of thinking. Perhaps some nudges will be in order." He winked. "June bug you aren't all powerful. You're not responsible for the future or for each of us. You can only do your best and especially while your gift grows there are bound to be times when you get it wrong, just like how when you first woke you learned that you couldn't immediately go after me. You can't be changing everything, but that doesn't mean when it looks all sparkly and movie-like that we should sit back and assume it'll just show up. Hopefully, the family has learned this lesson well." He paused tasting my emotional state. "You're not as sure this time. Does it look different?"

I shook my head no. "But if it disappeared once it could again," I pointed out fretting some.

It was the point he had made through the years. For the first time the reality of what he had tried to convey had hit me. It wasn't pretty and honestly I was scared. Losing Bella wasn't an option. My only guess as to why Bella as a newborn might have reappeared was that somehow Bella had made a choice to become a Cullen. Could that mean my pivotal moments were more based on choice than fate? And merely showed the strength of the conviction in that choice? If that was true, how my gift worked, the choices I had made, my life lived thus far, basically every assumption I had every made looked different. My gift had always been my touchstone through life's events and thus Jazz's. Without it … we had his gift, intuition, and skills as a military man. It was something valuable for sure, but it wasn't the same. Jazz and I were a formidable team and with my doubts in my gift it was like we had become half-blind able to see ahead but not the periphery. And _that_ didn't bode well for either of us, particularly with the stakes so high at the moment.

Despite the challenge that seeing Bella in the hospital had posed, I secretly wanted to believe that Esme's and my visit had helped bring the vision of her becoming a newborn back. Bella had always accepted me so easily before. There had been no needed to pretend with her. Usually I avoided humans and helped Jazz not make them into a snack. Bella was the first human that knew our secret and didn't care. To see her there in body, but have to pretend had been challenging. Esme had been great. How she had done it was beyond me. When we returned home she went on with things as if this new Bella was just as wonderful as the old Bella. On my part, the resolve and courage Jazz had given me, so that I could go, was gone. Good thing my husband was an empathy who weaved magical charms or I wouldn't have been able to go at all. He had met me in the garage. As soon as the car had slowed down enough, I had flung myself into his arms and, while clinging to him, had attempted once again to find hope and an anchor.

After seeing Bella with my own eyes, I understood why Edward had responded the way he had. Her condition had been a shock to me. It was only because Charlie, Billy, and Jacob were there that I hadn't frozen myself. Well that, and I hadn't wanted to scare Bella. The reality was chilling. Shutting down was highly tempting. What was confusing was why Edward hadn't come back to us. Certainly Bella, amnesia Bella or not, was better than no Bella at all. She wasn't dead. That had to count for something. Then again my brother was often a colossal idiot.

As of Friday morning, before Esme and my hospital visit, the family hadn't agreed if we should tell Bella or not about our nature. We were evenly split with Jazz, Emmett, and myself arguing for telling her and Rosalie, Esme, and Carlisle arguing in favour of allowing her to come to it in her own time. Additionally, Carlisle had been of two minds about it, despite leaning with Esme. Consequently, nothing was decided. He wanted to give Bella time to come to it in her own way. It was after he had returned from his shift on Saturday morning that things got heated.

"And what about the Volturi?" Jasper had contended. "They could show up at any time. It's too great a risk, Carlisle. Certainly you don't want to risk your own mate over not telling Bella something she already knows."

Carlisle looked torn and glanced over at Esme.

"They won't care about her accident," Jazz continued.

"Well, if she doesn't remember then the law isn't broken," Carlisle hedged.

"Except it _was_ broken," he seethed, "and the only two options given were to kill her or turn her. Not to mention that with each day that passes we run the risk of Edward doing something else monumentally imprudent. I told you when you asked the first time about what I had tasted emotionally between them that it could only end in Edward's death or her turning. They were too tightly bound even then and it's only gained in intensity." Jazz fumed at Carlisle.

"Nothing is lost by waiting a little bit, Jasper."

"Everything can be lost in an instant, Carlisle. Did we not just witness that? Did you not hear when Alice told you that without Bella Edward won't survive and without Edward this _family_ won't survive. Surely by now you know to heed Alice's visions. Surely by now I don't have to tell you that if we don't turn her soon everything you have built will be destroyed. _We_ will be destroyed."

"Jasper, Alice saw her as a newborn," Carlisle said softly.

"For how long? How long is our window until something changes again. Never before has Alice lost one of those types of visions. Things are shifting in ways we don't understand. You're making wild guesses based on your morals. I'm not attacking your intensions nor your desire to live morally. Never had never will. These things hold us together as a _family_ and not a coven, but do not forget for one instant that we are _vampires_. You are asking us all to risk certain death or a life on the run for what? For something they had _both_ already agreed upon. The only question left was timing. I'm not challenging you, Carlisle, but I'm telling you up front I will not stand by. If you're not willing to save our skins, at least save your own and Esme's."

"Jasper," Carlisle spoke even softer than before.

Jazz stormed out. He had come back a few hours later, right before I had to leave, but had entered through our window in order to avoid Carlisle.

Even on my way to pick up Bella, I wasn't sure if Jasper would follow Carlisle's lead in keeping Bella in the dark for now. Jasper's reaction was in no small part a result of the vision given to me of what would happen to us all if the Edward/Bella problem wasn't fixed. He, above all, made his choices by my visions. He knew, even if in the vision he and I had survived, the fact that it foretold the end of Cullen family would cause me to be unhappy. And my wonderful husband didn't want to live with me unhappy when there was an obvious alternative choice in front of us. I had to only hope that Carlisle knew that Jazz meant every word of what he had said. He _would_ do whatever was necessary.

Getting out of the Volvo I knocked on Bella's front door.

Bella answered.

"Just when you said," she greeted me.

No surprise at my impeccable timing. Huh. I had expected an explanation would have been needed.

Charlie was sitting in the kitchen reading his paper.

"Shall we pack? Or rather you pack while I watch?" Bella asked me.

"How many days are we packing for?"

She looked thoughtful. "How many days do I usually stay for a sleepover?"

"Usually three days." I answered being careful to appear human. It was too easy to forget in front of her.

"Okay. Let's pack for that."

"Lead the way." I assumed that was okay with Charlie since he hadn't said anything, but then there was the chance he wasn't listening.

She ascended the stairs and I followed afterward entering her bedroom her bag lay on her bed empty. Moving to the first drawer–the one with shirts–I explained that she would want one shirt for each day, so we should pack three shirts. Narrowing down the options to five she then chose three. In this way we put into the bag everything she would need.

"Bathroom stuff?" I asked.

"Already packed." Then she handed it to me.

I added it to the bag carrying it downstairs.

She didn't grab keys or a purse or a phone.

"Bye Charlie," she called.

"Bye, Bella. Remember how to reach me?"

"At the station ask for you or on your cell," she answered rotely as if Charlie had already asked her this multiple times.

"Okay. Have a good time." He paused like he wanted to say something else, so I searched the future. Sure enough he did.

Bella just waited standing next to me trusting me. It was nice that she did, but quite un-Bella like that she did so without at least curiosity or aggravation.

"Alice?" he finally said.

"Yes, Charlie."

"The doctor said she needed to be real careful. Her head isn't healed yet."

"No problem, Charlie. We'll take it easy."

"Very easy."

"No problem."

"And nothing new."

"Yes, sir, nothing new. Got it," and then saluted.

He smiled at my antics. "See you tomorrow, Bella," he said before turning back to the paper.

"Actually, sir, we had planned on three days like she used to," I pointed out.

"I want her back by dinner on Monday or earlier. She needs to be home."

Checking he was going to firm.

"Yes, sir, Monday in time for dinner."

"Have a good time, Bella," he said and turned back to his paper.

We walked out of the door. She had said nothing to Charlie, closed the door, but didn't lock it, and walked towards the car. It was weird. She always locked it. Carlisle had mentioned that the way she walked was different. It probably wasn't noticeable to a human, but it was there. If she recognized the Volvo, she didn't say anything. I had brought it hoping it would trigger a memory of Edward.

"How's Edward?" she asked after a few minutes.

I made sure to mind the speed limit.

"Nothing to possibly frighten her," Carlisle had warned sternly.

"About the same," I told Bella.

She nodded. No twenty questions. No being pushy. It was the shy reflective thoughtful Bella without the demanding inquisitive part. I missed my friend, even though she was sitting right next to me. Once more I wished that I hadn't failed her. We should have turned her rather than taking her to the hospital.

My mind naturally went back to the doubt and gloom that had consumed me between the hours of telling the family what my gift had shown me, as a result of Edward freezing, and receiving the vision of newborn Bella. Before my eyes my gift had shown me the end to our family unit with no way to change it. It was the absolute worst I had ever felt. Never before, since my eyes had opened wakened into this life, had I been filled with this sense of hopelessness. My gift of clairvoyance had always created possibilities in situations that might have otherwise seemed dire. Maria's visit in Calgary was one example that came to mind. If my gift no longer allowed me to protect my family what use was I? It was a purely existential question that challenged my purpose and meaning, a "who am I now?" kind of question. My understanding of myself as I related to the world had been pulled from under me. I was truly lost for the first time like Alice in Alice in Wonderland tumbling through life with no aid or guide but a bubbling rabbit. It didn't fair well for me or for the family.

It was all made worse by the fact that Jasper and I are so connected. As I tumbled, so did he. Jasper picked up my mood and spread it to the rest of the family. None of us had a pleasant couple of hours until Jasper was able to reign himself in. Even then it was a challenge for Jasper because without me as his hopeful confident bubbly centre the emotions of everyone else pulled him under like crashing waves and rip tides. He was out of practise and, I'd argue, irritated for he had been correct about my puzzle, but too late for it to make a difference. As he struggled to regain his equilibrium he was unable to help me find mine. We clung to one another like life preservers riding the tsunami that threatened us all. According to Jazz it was after he had found his calm centre once more that the discussion had begun. I had been so lost in my thoughts attempting to reconcile my world and find a solution to Edward that the family's conversation about whether we should attempting bringing Edward out of his state were done almost outside of my awareness. I had been overwhelmed with my inner world and my need to cling to Jasper's body had been consuming until the vision of newborn Bella had showed up.

When it came to me, there was a beacon of light in the storm. Hope existed once more, not in the seemingly endless confidence that had been, but some. Enough to aid Jasper who then gave it to everyone else, although my brain told me Carlisle was at the hospital. Perhaps they weren't in need of it as Jasper and I had been, but he sent it anyway for no other reason than to convey without words that he and I would be all right. When I had left to pick up Bella Jazz still wasn't his usual calm self. He was on edge waiting for the sky to fall in. It wasn't helped by how divergent his thinking was from Carlisle's. Never had they been at such odds.

Somehow in the midst of this storm I had separated myself from Jazz and had gone with Esme to visit Bella. My visit to Bella had been done in a foggy haze acting more on autopilot than conscious thought. My brain can supply the information to say that I was there at most. More than anything, however, I couldn't shake the feeling that nothing was for certain and everything mattered, assuming we wanted to prevent the demise of the Cullen family, which would come to pass if we didn't bring Bella into our world and restore Edward. Hopefully my acting skills were good enough that Bella didn't notice a difference between me at the hospital and here in the car with her.

"Will he be there?" she asked 5 minutes and 41.2 seconds after getting into the car.

"Yes. We put him in his bed."

She nodded again. She began looking around the car. Occasionally she'd get an odd expression or her eyes would change like they were far away. It was disconcerting.

As we turned into our driveway, Bella turned to me and asked, "Where did the lights go?"

Good thing my mind worked faster than hers because it took me a whole 94.3 seconds to figure out what she was talking about.

"We took them down after the party."

She remembered the lights around the trees. What an unusual random thing to remember. The good news was that she had remembered.

The family had agreed to recreate the moment when Edward first brought her to the house as close as we could.

She opened her door and walked up the stairs like she knew where she was going. Having to go at human speed she beat me to the door and opened it herself as if she lived here. She stopped only 1.9 centimetres from the spot she had been in the first time.

"Bella, you remember Carlisle."

She nodded.

He came forward and put out his hand.

She looked confused and then shook it.

"And Esme." Esme repeated Carlisle's actions.

Bella looked even more confused.

Maybe this wasn't such a great idea.

Jasper came down the stairs slowly. "This is Jasper."

He nodded as only a southern gentleman can. "Hello."

"Hello, Jasper. Nice to meet you," Bella replied, but she looked like she wasn't really here.

Slowly he came and stood next to me. As he did, Rosalie and Emmett started down the stairs. "And Rosalie and Emmett."

"Hello," Bella offered.

"Hello, Bella. Nice to see you awake," Rosalie offered back.

"Hey, kiddo," Emmett greeted her. He walked towards her slowly and wrapped his arms around her picking her up. "Nice to have you back," he said as he put her back down and took a step back.

"Thanks for visiting me, Emmett." Bella smiled at him.

Us Cullens stood there not sure what to do. Jasper had taken my hand. I focused on the hope that was beginning to grow within me in having Bella here. He squeezed my hand in gratitude.

Carlisle finally rescued us. "So, Bella, how was your first night home?"

She looked pensive. Eventually she answered. "It was unsettling. I knew it was where I lived. I would have random flashes of events that must have happened in the past. It's like having someone show you a still picture, but without information. I know that everyone else remembers those moments like I remember angels and phoenixes, but I can't seem to get my brain to be like everyone else's." She sighed like she was struggling.

Jasper sent me a taste of confusion and frustration. That must be from Bella.

Emmett looked like he was working very hard not to make a joke at her expense. Good thing even Emmett knew this wasn't the time or place.

"You're healing. We don't expect you to be who we remember. We know things have changed for you. And we are looking forward to spending time with you as you are. None of what has happened changes anything for our family. Esme's and my conversations with you are just as fervent as ever. We would just ask one thing of you. Please, Bella, if you have a memory here or you're uncertain about something, ask us questions. We hope that all of your memories will return to you, but in case they do not, know that changes nothing for us."

She nodded slowly. "Okay, I have a question."

Carlisle nodded for her to go ahead.

"Does Edward play baseball?"

Jazz laughed and his surprise spread to all of us causing us all to laugh.

Bella looked hurt, so we each tried to stop while Jazz reined himself in.

"Of course, Bella, we all play baseball," Emmett answered indignantly.

She looked at Carlisle for reassurance.

"That was rude of us, Bella. We apologize. We were just surprised by your question. Things have been quite tense around here with Edward's condition and everything. You rarely act as we expect, so nothing new there." He smiled sweetly with a look of asking for forgiveness.

"The first time you were here you talked a lot about our house," I told her.

"Oh," she muttered looking reassured. "Well, you do have a nice house. But I was wondering if I ever watched Edward play baseball with you?"

We all smiled a little sad and amused. This was a different Bella.

"Yes, Bella, you watched us play baseball," Emmett answered exasperated.

"There is no longer nothing," Jasper whispered into my ear.

"Actually you had helped Esme referee," Emmett added. "Edward's team was winning when–"

"Em, please," Rosalie interrupted.

He huffed. "She asked," he pointed out.

Bella had an odd expression like she was trying to put pieces of a puzzle together while she looked back and forth between them.

Checking Edward's future was no longer blank but instead terribly fuzzy so much in fact that I still couldn't discern the outcome. I imagined that if there was change it indicated a possibility that he would wake up. What was needed was to be able to see whether he would kill Bella when he did so, though.

"I'm wondering, Carlisle, if this might be a good time for Bella to see Edward?" I asked.

He gave me a warning look back.

"Unless Bella has more questions, of course," I amended sheepishly.

"Well, let's go to the living room first," Carlisle suggested carefully watching Bella.

She looked confused, but followed him without question.

Jasper and I came into the living room but remained standing.

Carlisle and Esme sat together on the couch.

Rosalie and Emmett went and stood next to the far wall.

Bella sat herself down on the floor between us all.

"Bella, I didn't say anything about Edward at the hospital for two reasons. One, I didn't want people at the hospital gossiping about what they might have overhead me saying to you. The walls have ears in that place. Edward is a terribly private person and would have been incredibly uncomfortable if that were to happen. Two, I didn't want to overwhelm you. You already have a lot going on. I'd like to explain now what's wrong with him. Will you promise to stop me if anything I say is confusing to you?"

She nodded. Silence. "I promise," she added.

He nodded collecting his thoughts. "Edward is in shock. He looks like he's awake, but he's not. It's like he's lost in his own head. We don't know how to convince him to come back to us. We hoped that if you were with us that it might help him, but there's a great risk to you. It is possible that when he wakes up he will not be in his right mind and attack you. You being alive and unhurt are our priorities. So, we are caught in a dilemma, and wanted you to be a part of our family discussion, especially after your request that last night in the hospital."

Carlisle's reference confirmed for me that they had spoken about the time the vision of Bella as a newborn had returned to me. Thus, Bella must have made a decision causing its resurgence. The confirmation was appreciated, while simultaneously it caused any leftover hopes I might have had in the concept of my visions being fated to disappear.

She nodded gravely.

"Questions?"

"Not yet."

"Good girl. Tell me when you have one."

She nodded solemnly.

I checked, put up my hand, and caught Carlisle's eye. Fortunately he held back whatever he was going to say.

"Actually …" she started hesitantly.

"Please, Bella," Carlisle prodded.

"After you explain about Edward are we going to talk about my scars? You had promised to do so when I came over for the sleepover."

"I sure did. Glad you remembered." He looked around.

"Yes," Emmett said without pause.

"No," Rosalie said nearly at the same time.

"Yes," both Jasper and I said.

"No," said Esme.

Bella looked confounded.

"Sorry, Bella, we tend to vote on almost everything in our family."

Her eyes got bigger and she looked around. "Would you vote on me moving in?" she whispered, as if Carlisle was the only one who could hear her, while she leaned in towards him.

"Yes, but you have to understand, Bella. Before you were in the hospital you had already made this decision, so it's quite complicated at the moment because we are unsure if we follow what you had asked for before or now?"

"Oh. What had been the vote about me moving in before?"

"Edward had asked you to marry him and you had said yes. You were to become a Cullen," Esme told her softly. "But the both of you hadn't gotten a chance to tell anyone. Edward told us after you were admitted to the hospital."

"Oh," she said, but she had an appreciative look.

"And as a family we're in disagreement about whether it's right to have you move in when you don't remember all of that."

Bella looked like she was going to cry.

Esme got out of her seat and went over to Bella at a human pace, then wrapped her arms around her. "Oh, wonderful girl, it's not like that. I told you that you can become a Cullen no matter what you and Edward decide. And the family voted for you to become a Cullen, it's only a matter of when. Some of us are more impatient than others." By the end her eyes twinkled and she had a smile as if this wasn't a life or death issue.

"You're sure?"

"Certain," Esme fervently said.

"No doubt," I added.

"Absolutely," Jasper added.

"Duh," Emmett joked.

She looked around unsure.

"Do you have more questions?" Esme asked her.

"No, thank you," she replied.

Although, we hadn't answered her first question, as we were split again.

"We need Edward awake. There are enough of us. We can keep her safe. I can feel something now from him. It's worth the risk."

Agreeing with Jasper, except for the last bit, I added, "His present state is clouding the future. I can't give you an outcome." Nervousness was a top emotion in me since my gift was failing me. Even without it, though, I trusted Jazz that if he were to risk Bella's life to wake Edward that he knew what he was doing.

"If there's change, then we should risk it," Emmett added. "We can keep her safe."

"Do it," Rosalie put in, which surprised me.

I wondered what had changed her mind.

Bella raised her hand tentatively.

"Yes, Bella?" Carlisle asked.

"What did Jasper mean when he said that he could feel something new from him? I didn't understand that part."

Carlisle looked at Jasper. Bella followed his gaze.

Jasper didn't even pause. Obviously, he hadn't changed his mind. "I have a special gift. I can read other people's emotions. When he went into shock he was blank. No emotions at all. Now I can feel emotions coming from him. There has been a change."

Bella nodded slowly as if she was processing the information.

Us Cullens turned to Esme. "I can't risk Bella's well-being, especially since she just left the hospital. Edward will come out of it on his own."

"Bella?" Carlisle asked, "What are your thoughts?"

"Edward came to visit me every day," she smiled at Carlisle like they were sharing an inside joke. "I wanted to visit him as soon as I knew he was sick. I still want to visit him. I understand that you say that it's dangerous, but there are six of you and one of him, surely you could stop him if he behaved poorly." Her tone indicated that she trusted us in our assessments, yet was slightly baffled at our precautions.

This was the self-sacrificing Bella that Edward had multiple times complained to me about.

"You might be quite frightened," Carlisle pointed out, "if that were to happen."

"My angel won't hurt me." She said this so emphatically so assuredly that it practically ended the conversation.

Carlisle looked at Jasper. "Jasper, what is your suggestion?"

"Alice holding Bella to move her if needed. Me next to Alice calming him, if I can. Emmett behind holding him. Rosalie to Edward's left, you on his right, and Esme on the other side of Bella from me."

Carlisle looked around the room. No one objected.

"And then what?" Rosalie questioned.

We all looked at her.

"So, let's say we get him to come out. Then what? Are we going to babysit him some more? It's not like he's been entirely stable."

"His desire for Bella has been negligible since he returned from Italy," Jasper told.

"And now? Do we know what Edward we're going to get?"

I checked to see if our recent decision to see had cleared the future up at all. It hadn't. I shook my head no.

She looked into each of our faces. "I'm all for waking him, but I don't want to be on babysitting duty after."

"You bring up a good point," Carlisle commended. "If that ends up being necessary, then we can cross that bridge when we come to it. I appreciate that you're willing to do this part, Rosalie."

"Well, if I don't my options are dead or a nomad according to Alice," she muttered too fast for Bella.

Carlisle looked at Bella. Her eyes had grown large. "Do you have a question?"

"What did Rosalie mean by not knowing what Edward we're going to get?"

"Rosalie," Esme scolded in our sub-human mutter. "You need to watch what you say."

"Sorry, I thought we were including her," Rosalie argued back at the same speed.

"Well, see," Carlisle began, "Edward has really changed a lot since he met you and Rosalie's concerned about what stage in his getting to know you process he'll wake up in."

"See, no problem," Rosalie threw in Esme's face too quick for Bella.

Bella seemed to be considering that.

"Are you still willing?"

"Uh-huh," she said after a few minutes.

"Bella, if it's okay, Emmett, Rosalie, and I will go into the room, and then when we're ready you, Alice, Jasper and Esme will come in. Alice will have her hands around your waist to move you out of the way just in case. Are you agreeable?" Carlisle asked her.

"Uh-huh," was her reply, but her eyes were as wide as saucers.

"If you're scared, we can wait, Bella," Jasper offered.

"No, it's okay. I trust you all. It's just strange because I can't remember why I trust you, just that I know deep inside myself that makes no sense that each of you would give your life to keep me safe. It's just my brain telling me that I'm an idiot for trusting a bunch of people I don't remember."

We each flinched at her last sentence. It seemed that we weren't telling her what we were after all.

Jazz relaxed beside me her words seeming to soothe him. My hope grew.

* * *

 _A/N: I cannot thank you enough for leaving me notes of encouragement and feedback. I'm in the process of moving and you are keeping me motivated to find the time to get this finished before the movers come at the end of the month. Thank you again!_


	26. Edward-Welcome Back

Chapter 26: Edward–Welcome Back

* * *

I am in a darkness that is without end. I cannot see my own hand even though my brain tells me that it should be right in front of me. I reach out around me in order to find the boundaries of this space and although my hands find nothing it feels small. So small that the smallness is oppressive. The quantity of unknowns is astronomical. What is known is that my chest is in a vice pressed so tightly that the function of inhalation is prohibitive.

I determine that my option are: 1) stay where I am 2) take a step away from where I am. Having no idea which direction I would head if I were to take option two keeps me frozen in place. Then I hear something. It is nothing more than butterfly's wings flapping in a distant breeze, but it is something to guide me. Taking option two I move in the direction of the nearly inaudible sound. There are times when it's too faint to follow, so I wait. When it comes back I start moving again.

As I progress the sound increases in volume, it is no longer something as irrelevant as a butterfly. Its proximity allows it to become recognizable: the source of life.

Thump-thump.

Thump-thump.

This alluring sound grows in volume. With each beat my desire for it intensifies. This is the fountain of youth, nirvana, and heaven rolled into one.

Thump-thump.

At times I travel on all fours sniffing the air, growling, and panting with want. Pain gnaws at my throat dully like a scratch that cannot be itched. Instinctively I am aware of the fact that this sound would sooth the itch, fill me with warmth, and caress my body into contentment.

Thump-thump.

It calls to me like it was a siren drawing me near. I begin to hear a female voice. Her tones fill with me with yearning. If she is leading me to my doom, I will happily go. Her voice mixed with the thump-thump produces a melody that is my undoing. It arouses in me a different kind of desire–one that is filled with soft warm skin, lips, hips, arms, legs and kissing, licking, and touching.

Thump-thump.

With each beat the word _mine_ also increases in volume. This is mine to claim, to hold, to take, and to keep. Images consume me of sinking my teeth into her jugular while pumping my venom into her combined with vivid flavours of the scrumptious ambrosia that she offers. She is here for me, for my pleasure, for my taking. She is my sun and moon. She is my salvation and my damnation. She is the most dangerous kind of creature and she is calling to me.

"Edward," I hear her say. "Come back to your family."

For the first time since my arrival to this place I can sense more than my instincts and rudimentary thoughts of flight or freeze. It is like a whole new aspect of me blooms at her will. This new part of me tries to decipher her words. I distant part of me remembers that I have a family, but this new aspect is grappling to understand why she is asking me to come back to my family and not to her. Does she not want me to take her? For the first time I wonder if the images I crave to enact might cause her harm, but this thought is trivial and easily swatted away. She is _mine._ She is my _mate._ She was meant for me, made for me, and if she is here she is bestowing herself like a lamb to a lion offering herself to fate.

In the mean time her thump-thump thump-thump continues to call to me spurring me on.

Images of having more than her nectar, of having _her_ begin to flash before me. If I end her, if I take all her nectar then she will be gone and I could never have the images swimming in front of my eyes. That won't do. She is mine _forever_. This would require tasting her ambrosia, but stopping. Certainly I wouldn't want to stop, she was simply be too delicious to _want_ to stop, but I would in order to have her forever, because ultimately if I wanted to taste more than just her life giving force, if I truly wanted her forever I would have to find the strength. The thought of losing her forever immediately pains me. I don't like the pain, so I will find a way to drink the most glorious substance ever created, a little.

Thump-thump.

Thump-thump.

Somehow knowing she is meant to be mine forever fuels my speed. I begin to run gaining as I go. With each thump my arousal heightens. I must have her in my arms, I must feel her next to me, I must taste her, and I must drink her. I let go of it all thought allowing nothing but my senses and her thump-thump to guide me. The distance is irrelevant; I could find her anywhere.

Thump-thump.

I follow her thump-thump, the perfect rhythm that calls me, excites me, and lures me.

Without warning there is bright light.

Snarling and moving to defend myself vampires surrounded me and stopped me from claiming that which I was hunting. I attempted to fight them, but there are too many. They had me pinned keeping me from that scent that I had been pursuing. Her thump-thump was even more audible and the most scrumptious scent hung in the air. I needed it; I wanted it. It was _mine_ and they were all getting in my way.

I had been thwarted even to move into a defensive crouch. A large steel grip had been wrapped around me since my arrival and as soon as I had snarled four hands had moved onto me one from each side and two from the front. The object that I had been searching for had been moved so quickly that I only saw her body being hidden as a small black haired vampire twirled her around and exposed her back to me. I growled and snarled and bared my teeth. How dare they get in between me and what was _mine_. I needed what I had been pursuing and I needed it _now_!

If them keeping me from what was _mine_ and immobilizing me wasn't enough, they were also all talking to me at the same time.

A twenty-second of a second after my arrival a calmness and a strange lethargy seeped into my body pushing itself into me as if from an outside source.

Then an audible voice, one that sounded similar to what I could already hear, came from my right and said, "Edward, son, please calm down, remember who you are."

It took the time light travels for it all to come back to me. I knew these scents. They would not hurt me. The one who spoke was Carlisle, my father. He looked concerned with love and compassion radiating from his eyes. The hand on my right was Rosalie, my sister. She had a look of fierceness and determination warning me with her eyes. In front of me on my right was Jasper, my brother. He was covered in battle scares telling me that he was dangerous, but the worry in his eyes let me know that he wasn't a danger to me. On my left was Esme, my mother, whose continence was filled with love and concern. She looked like she wanted to hold me and rock me. Between them a few feet back the back to me was Alice, my sister. She must trust me a lot to have her back to me considering how I had tried to get at the creature in her arms. The firm grip around me was my brother, Emmett.

Alice turned her head and looked at me and smiled. When she smiled her whole face lit up. Her spiky black hair made her look wild, free, and fun. As she began to turn herself towards me everyone else relaxed. I could see that she was holding Bella, my Bella. My face lit up.

I wanted nothing more than to hold her, to touch her, to be with her. The beautiful angel looking up at me was exactly what I needed. She smiled, but her eyes looked worried. Her hair was wrapped up into a ponytail. She had on jeans and a T-shirt. There were little lines of concern on her forehead and I could see her blood move in its veins through her translucent skin. The siren call of her thump-thump was still there, but well contained. She was precious not an object of possession. She was to be cherished not claimed. I hadn't meant to cause my angel to worry. I wished that I could touch her, smooth her skin, and bring her serenity.

"Welcome back," Jasper offered.

I felt confused. Where had I gone?

"Your confusion is understandable, but first we need you to stand down."

Stand down? Oh yes, my body was still trying to defend itself. I relaxed, but couldn't really move with Emmett around me.

"Emmett?" I asked.

His grip loosened the smallest of margins and I relaxed myself.

I wanted to understand why they were all surrounding me, and what Jasper meant, but my attention was drawn to the fact that they were still talking to me simultaneously and quite loudly. I tried to modulate my voice so it didn't come out as a growl. Family or not, I wasn't attacking or being threatening in anyway and their overlapping voices were overwhelming me.

"Could you all please stop talking at the same time and so loudly?" Only the smallest hint of a snarl was in my voice.

Everyone except Bella exchanged concerned looks.

What? What had I said? It seemed like a reasonable request.

Right away Carlisle moved in front of me and put his hands on my face holding it firmly looking into my eyes. His amber ones grounded me. "Son, I need you to try to take in just my scent and remember when I first brought you into this life." Then he moved one hand so that it was right over my nose and mouth.

His voice that I had heard before was stiller, Alice sounded like she was humming, Jasper was tasting and evaluating the mood of everyone, Esme kept repeating worries and concerns about me, Emmett sounded unsure, and Rosalie sounded irritated. Why hadn't they listened to me? It seemed that only Carlisle and Alice had really quieted down.

I considered Carlisle's request. As I looked into his eyes, I saw love and compassion. I was filled with trust. Despite my confusion of his request, I took in a deep breath. Other scents filtered in, scents on his hands, the slightest particles of scents of my family surrounding me and one drop of scent of my Bella. The monster begged for her, to follow that scent, but my whole being rejected it quickly closing the debate. I could take her blood no more than I could chop off my own hand.

Then the other desires raged through me. I wanted her, not to drink, no my whole being rejected that, but to hold, to touch, to kiss. This brought me a kind of strange warmth that started from my core and inflamed my insides.

 _Edward,_ I heard Jasper warn softly this time, _please focus on Carlisle._ At least when Jasper spoke to me it was clear. Emmett and Rosalie just seemed to be saying random stuff like they were talking to themselves and forgetting that I could hear them.

I did as Carlisle had requested and focused on the scent that I knew as well as I knew myself, yes, this was the scent of my sire, of my creator, of my father. As soon as my body recognised his scent, the memories of him came back starting with me in a hospital and he being the doctor.

Then him with me while I burned.

Then waking up and him explaining that he had turned me into a monster.

The memory of him explaining that I had a gift and could read his thoughts.

Then the years to get control over bloodlust and my gift.

Then Esme entering our lives.

Then leaving them and killing over and over and over again until I returned to them.

There is human blood in this room now, the monster told me. Right there for my taking. Before I could act, the desire for blood was gone and the next memories came.

Esme and Carlisle welcoming me back, my guilt and confession.

Then the addition of Rosalie and then Emmett and the years of helping them.

And then and then and then.

More and more and more images of him in my life came to me speeding up as we went through time. Each brought with them the taste, sounds, smells, and emotions of those moments. Until Carlisle telling me that my Bella was no longer my Bella.

I began to fall into despair. I had lost my reason for living.

I saw Jasper give Alice a meaningful look out of the corner of my eye while telling me, _That's not helpful_. His voice was louder than all the other voices.

"Edward, that is how we lost you, please stop and wait for us to explain," Alice said.

I looked up at Carlisle. His very presence held me and comforted me. I had known that face for eighty-eight years. His eyes pleaded with me the same way Alice's voice had. _Edward, please stay with us. Hope is not lost_.

I relented. I would wait for them to explain.

"Esme," Carlisle stated firmly. He moved out of my vision just as she moved in so that they were like one seamless essence.

She placed her hand over my nose and mouth and I repeated the action. Just as before memories began to fill me, some which overlapped.

The first was Carlisle with Esme on the table as Esme writhed in pain.

Moments passed of us three and then new ones entered.

Then ones of just Esme and I when Carlisle had gone to work.

And on and on and on until that fateful night where she sat stunned at the news about Bella.

Despair began to overcome me.

"Edward?" Jasper said warningly.

 _Edward,_ I heard Jasper's voice even louder like an echo.

Right. Yes, I had given my word. I would put that off until they explained.

"Rosalie?" Carlisle stated.

She gave him a disparaging look, but did as he asked.

Esme gave me a quick peck before she went back to her spot.

Rosalie did the same as Carlisle and Esme.

I remembered how much she hated that I could hear her thoughts once she had woken up from the burning.

I remembered our combative relationship through the years, and how she had demanded that Carlisle change Emmett.

I remembered how much she disliked Bella and her phone call when she said Bella was dead. The feeling of emptiness began to fill me.

Where was Bella? Where had she gone? There was no purpose in existing without Bella.

 _No, Edward, stay with us,_ I heard Jasper command gently.

Then Rosalie's apology came along with a greater tolerance for Bella.

Lastly the look of dismay Rosalie had when Carlisle had given her the news about Bella.

Right. Bella was alive. She didn't remember stuff, but she was not dead.

I was her protector. Jasper was right. I couldn't leave.

Then it was Emmett. At Emmett's turn Carlisle took his place holding me, although he do so in a much lighter fashion. "This is for Bella's protection," he explained as he had wrapped his arms around me.

I trusted him. I didn't object.

Remembering Emmett was pleasant except for the beginning when Emmett was uncontrollable at times.

There were pranks that we had pulled, jokes that he had told, wrestling together, playing games, and his wise cracks.

When it was Jasper's turn Emmett went back to holding me.

I remembered him and Alice showing up, how worried about them I had been. All our years together, how he had tried to find a place as a Cullen, and especially the last month as he prepared us to fight a newborn army. I was proud to call him brother.

Last was Alice.

"Go to Esme, Bella."

Bella nodded and let Esme grip her around her side.

With Alice's scent came the smell of Bella's clothes were Alice had been holding her and the detergent that Bella uses. I wanted to focus on Bella's smells, but as I looked into Alice's eyes I saw her pleasing with me. I could wait. I focused on Alice.

I remembered that she had a gift too and how we were a team protecting our family.

I remembered all the times when Alice had stopped me from doing something stupid prior to Bella, and how I hadn't listened to her when it came to Bella.

I remembered how much she loved Bella.

After Alice, Carlisle came back in front of me.

"Do you understand now?"

I considered his question. I understood about the voices in my head and my past. But nothing in this moment made much sense.

"Yes."

"Do you remember how to do what you learned in those early years to push the thoughts into the background?"

Now that he said it, I did. I answered in the affirmative.

"Try it now. We can wait."

I did it easily. It was like the saying, you never forget how to ride a bike.

"Better?"

"Quieter," I answered. He smiled and then the memory of many years ago when he had been helping me master my gift and had answered the same flashed up.

He took his hand and lightly slapped my cheek twice. "Cheeky boy." He turned around so all I saw was his back. "How are you doing, Bella?"

"Fine," she said, but her voice was shaky and uncertain.

He seemed to be looking at Jasper and Alice. "Can we let her do the same?"

"Yes, but moderately risky," was Jasper's response.

Alice's visions showed Bella standing there and nothing. "I see no death or mayhem," Alice reported.

Carlisle's thoughts, although toned down, seemed unwilling to be quieted completely, and they soothed me in some strange way, so as we waited his deliberations floated into my mind. He turned back to me watching me carefully.

"Edward, son, I'd like Bella to come up and you take in her scent as you did with us, but she's more fragile than us, so if you make any movement it could harm her. Understand?"

"Yes." I had seen all the memories that included each of my family members. I knew that she could bleed. I knew about James and her birthday. Yes. I knew she was fragile.

Tentatively with confirmation looks to Esme and Carlisle as if she were their child she stepped forward and gingerly held out her hand. She was a good three feet from me and so her hand didn't quite reach me, yet she seemed rooted in her position. Her warmth was reaching out towards me touching me lightly in the most tender of caresses. I looked at Carlisle.

"It's alright, Bella," Esme comforted her. "We will keep you safe."

With that Bella leaned forward.

I made sure the monster and everything else inside me that wanted to claim her was firmly caged and closed my mouth tightly.

She hesitantly placed her hand on my face.

An electric current shot through my body at a rhythmic pulsing that made me wonder if my body had a tempo. I so desired to put my hand on top of hers, to open my mouth and lick her, to bring her closer to me, but I just as quickly remembered Carlisle's admonishment to have no movement. I wondered if I could kiss her palm. I decided better not. Instead I took in a deep breath through my nose pulling in her scent.

I remembered that first day in Biology, our terse conversation in the hospital after I had saved her, Port Angeles, the meadow, nights in her room, her saying yes to marrying me, and more and more and more. It was the last piece of a puzzle because right then every memory, the good, the bad, the gruesome, and the lovely flashed before me.

I was a monster.

I was a killer that had murdered hundreds of people.

I love this woman more than I loved my own being, but as the memories died down and I looked at the figure standing in front of me I realised that she wasn't _my_ Bella. When that realization had first come I had decided to leave her and let her live her human life. My family had foreclosed that option. We had met. I would be unable to stay hidden in the shadows. The question remaining was did she want me? Would she feel the pull towards me as I did towards her? Perhaps this time she would do what was best for her and say no to me.

Despair began to consume me again and Jasper growled in a sub-human tone, "Edward," and then unexpectantly I had hope.

I was fairly certain it was coming from Jasper, but didn't resist it because it allowed a new thought to enter.

I had a chance to do everything over again, but this time I wouldn't have to put her through all my mistakes. We could, in essence, begin again. This time she could be my friend and stay human. Yet, even as I thought it, my desire rattled against me. Could I maintain strong boundaries with her? Maybe not quite the glass wall that had existed between us, but something equally adapt at keeping her safe. I wasn't sure if I could, but for her sake I would try.

At that Alice jumped up to tackle me. With Bella right before me and Carlisle's warning, I didn't move. The momentum pushed me and then Emmett into an awkward position.

"I knew you'd figure it out. You can be such a blockhead sometimes." Then she messed with my hair.

Everyone relaxed but Bella who looked confused.

"Now that the intervention is over, am I free to go?" Rosalie asked Carlisle.

He hesitated. "Sure, Rosalie, but I'd appreciate it if you'd stay nearby just in case."

She nodded tersely and left.

"If it's alright with everyone, I need some air," Jasper said with his strong southern accent. He must be working hard at controlling himself if his accent was that thick.

"Of course," answered Carlisle.

I noticed that they moved at a human pace, including when Alice had tackled me.

Bella took a step back and Esme went with her. She looked down at Bella. "How about some lunch?"

"Sure, Esme. That sounds good." Then they both left.

My head began to feel better. I practiced pulling someone's thought to the foreground and then pushing them back again. I relaxed some more knowing that I had more control over my headspace.

I felt Emmett let up. "Good to have you back," and then he lightly punched me in the shoulder.

I looked at Carlisle and Alice imploringly.

"Want to explain to me what is going on?"

Carlisle looked at me wearily. He put his hand on my shoulder. "Can you handle it if I show you telepathically?"

"Yes," I answered and took in a deep breath Bella's scent still in my lungs.

I focused on Carlisle and brought his mental voice forward. He started with the family discussion that I don't remember finishing and ended with what happened minutes ago.

I looked at him confused. "How could this have happened?" I looked at Alice. "What happened Alice? I thought she was going to wake up on Friday confused, not Thursday early morning with amnesia."

"Ready for mine?" Alice asked with sadness in her voice. "I cannot tell you how sorry I am, Edward. I didn't understand in enough time." She started earlier: with her vision of Bella's contact with the deer.

"So now you know." Alice hung her head. She looked at Carlisle. "I should have mentioned it earlier to the family. Just my gift has never functioned like that before, and I was trying to figure it out. I didn't know. I'm so sorry." I had never heard her so down.

"Alice, you couldn't have known," I consoled her. From her memories I had seen how upset she was, her conversation with Jasper after the family meeting, how she knew her emotional state affected Jasper, but was able to do anything about it. "How is it possible that you got back Bella as a newborn?"

The beast inside of me had rejoiced at that image. It could be patient. She would be one of us soon.

"Yes, somewhere somehow Bella has already decided her course. Although by interacting with her, I sure can't tell," Alice answered before Carlisle could speak.

"Could be unconscious," Carlisle considered, his mind on Alice's visions and what might have caused Bella as a newborn to come back.

"And you saw us getting married."

"Hopefully I didn't show you too much about that. You shouldn't see your wedding day before it gets here." Alice was between a scold and a pout.

Carlisle visibly relaxed. "That's good news."

"But neither are as solid as they once were, Alice," I pointed out. The part of me that was fighting against the reality of losing _my_ Bella asked before I could control my mouth, "Would the venom heal her Carlisle?"

Alice acting as if the future had already happened seemed comical given the situation.

"I don't know the affect venom might have. Alice never did regain her memories, but we don't know how her memory loss was made in the first place. I'd like to wait some and give Bella's mind a chance to recover first."

I nodded glad to have him rescind his offer to change her. With Alice's vision of Bella as a newborn less clear, there stood more of a chance that Bella wouldn't doom herself to my world. At the same time, Carlisle's memories had shown me how attached she was to him and Esme. Their actions had prevented whatever I could have done to leave her. I couldn't once more condemn Bella to the pain she had suffered the last time we had left her. They believed her one of their daughters and they didn't want me to live without her, but that wasn't what was best for Bella. That had never been what was best for Bella. Although everything inside of me was fighting my rationalization. She had loved me. She had been my mate. She had said yes to marrying me. She had asked me to change her. The sense of loss was immense. I kept tell myself that her staying human was what was best, but the beast wouldn't listen. It wanted her, plan and simple.

"What now?" I asked while both Alice and I looked at Carlisle.

He looked grave. Finally he answered. "We take one day at a time."

Well, neither Alice nor I liked that.

I remembered last summer when I had chosen not to think about the future and just live in the moment. That was what I would do again. I didn't really like it, but until Bella decided to send me away or not, I didn't have much other choice.

"I'm going to find Jasper," Alice called out while leaving the room.

"It's good to have you back. I was worried." Then Carlisle wrapped his arms around me briefly. When he looked at me again he added, "Do not do that to me again."

Bashfully I replied, "Yes, sir," although I still had no idea how it had happened.

 _Edward, I know these last few weeks have been a lot. Remember what we've learned, you need to come to me and talk to me. Keeping things to yourself endangers yourself, the family, and Bella._

I hung my head. "I don't mean to," I whispered.

He looked me firmly in the eyes. "Are you thirsty?"

"It's manageable."

"In that case, after Bella's gone back home, we'll hunt together."

I nodded thinking about how I had become comatose. Jasper had kept warning me about despair. Maybe that was the trigger. Carlisle was right. Me shutting down had put Bella in danger. I couldn't do that again. I needed to remain in control of myself; if it were not for my family, I could have killed her.

"I'm going to go find Bella." I needed to explain and apologise for my behaviour. This was a worse introduction than that first day in Biology. She must really want nothing to do with me. That would make things quick and easy. It had taken her flying out to Italy to save me for me to finally comprehend that she had loved me as strongly as she was capable. But she didn't anymore. I hoped for her sake that she never returned my sentiments and told me no.

He nodded and together we went down to the kitchen.

"Here you go darling." Esme had said to Bella just about the time that Alice had left the room accompanied with what sounded like a bowl being put down.

"Thanks, Esme." Bella had responded.

There had been the sound of Esme cleaning the kitchen.

"Want to talk about it?" Esme had asked.

"No, not yet. But thanks." Bella said as we came towards the kitchen.

"I'm always here," Esme stated sweetly as we entered.

Carlisle went over and passionately, something I hadn't seen him do publically in years, kissed Esme. Perhaps these past few days had been harder on them than either of them were letting on. Esme smiled at Bella while they left to go upstairs to their bedroom no doubt.

Attempting to quiet all of my family's thoughts I sat down in the chair beside her. It was reminiscent of Biology. We both looked out the window.

I took in a deep breath of her scent, smelled her unique fragrance, listened to her heart beat, and her breath in and out while a deep sense of calm came over me and everything inside me was still for a while.

"Thank you for visiting me while I was in hospital," Bella finally said.

"Of course I would visit. It's not something you need to thank me for. Each day I had wished to stay by your side."

"Why didn't you?"

"Charlie was there and the doctor was very insistent I keep to visiting hours. I didn't want to incur Charlie's wrath or cause Carlisle problems since he works there."

"Hmm," she mumbled. A few moments later she continued, "I remember you telling me that you'd see me tomorrow, although at the time I didn't understand what the word tomorrow meant. Carlisle finally explained it to me."

"I'll remember that the next time you're in a coma," I smiled at her but my words felt heavy.

"You are expecting a next time?" she seemed to tease.

"Well, you are a danger magnet," I teased back. I watched her out of the corner of my eye. She looked confused. "Sorry. It was our joke. You used to joke that your time was up when you came for Forks. And I joked that you were a danger magnet. You used to say that if it weren't for me you'd be in Forks cemetery and I used to joke that your time wouldn't have been up if it weren't for me."

She considered that. She smelled like Bella. She sounded like Bella, but she didn't respond like my Bella. Did I love this new Bella? I did not know. How much could a head injury affect someone's personality? I didn't know, but I determined to find the answer out when she wasn't around.

I remembered how out of my depths I had been when I had first spent time with my Bella. Eventually I had learned and the gaps in my knowledge had decreased. I could do the same. Since I wanted to be friends with her, I just needed to learn this Bella. Did I want to go to all that trouble? Well, I couldn't function well without her. Being friends was the best choice given the options. Seize the day, I reminded myself. I had nothing but time.

I tried to think of a way to apologise, to explain, to bridge the gap that dwelt between us. There was now a chasm that had never truly existed before except in my mind. I had imagined us far apart, but as we sat here together I realised that there had been nothing between us except my stubborn refusal to see how much Bella loved me. Now that she couldn't remember that, the reality of the situation was clearer than it had ever been before.

"I don't get it," she finally admitted.

"Well, it was a bad joke." I smiled. Hearing her voice was music to my soul. I remembered what Carlisle had shown me about them recreating in some ways the first time Bella had come over. Well, an important part was missing. She was just about finished. "Bella, did anyone tell you that I play the piano?"

She shook her head no.

"When you're ready, I was thinking we could go over to the piano and I would play some of my songs for you."

"Your songs?"

"Yes. Songs that I've written."

"Okay. I'm done." She got down slowly even for her. It was like she did everything so carefully that she was in slow motion. That was okay. It didn't bother me.

My hand automatically reached out for her. No, I told myself. We were strangers again. Instead I just walked ahead and she followed. I sat down at the bench and she stood near.

"You can sit on the bench with me if you want," I told her but then quickly realised that might be too forward. She barely knew me. "Or anywhere else you'd like. Up to you." With me being so comfortable with my Bella keeping her at arms length would be challenging I realised.

She didn't move, so I guessed she liked where she was at. It was a blessed relief that she was keeping her distance. Perhaps I could learn this friend thing after all if she continued maintaining this space between us.

I started like I had that first visit, with Esme's favourite piece. When it was complete I transitioned into Bella's lullaby. I noticed her features had changed somewhat.

"You have this on a CD that I made for you," I explained hoping that cleared her confusion.

Her eyes opened wide. "You know," she whispered conspiratorially, "in my dreams I saw all you Cullens as angels, but I knew you were _my_ angel. That was how I knew who you were before I was told your name. Esme was the mothering angel, Alice was the girl angel who wanted my clothes, Emmett was the angel whose voice sounded too deep to be an angel, but you were _my_ angel. Thank you, by the way, for not allowing Alice to change my wardrobe. It helped a lot to go back to my room and have things the way they were before the accident."

What did that mean? Did she love me somewhere inside of her? It seemed like she cared for me and was attached to me, but no more so than Carlisle or Esme. 'This is what is best for Bella' became my mantra as the grief of losing _my_ Bella grew.

I nodded. "You're welcome," I whispered back. I winked. "You're wrong, though," I waited for her eyes to narrow, "You've always been _my_ angel." I smiled slyly.

She blushed a depth of red I hadn't seen on her in a while. Maybe this Bella had some advantages. She didn't remember James or her birthday or Victoria or the newborns. She hadn't lived under that stress and strain. She had a fresh start. No nightmares.

She smiled. "That is a far better joke."

I could hear Alice and Jasper coming in from the forest their thoughts assaulting me before I had been able to tune them down.

"What is?" Alice asked.

"Mind your own business, my nosy sister."

Bella looked at Alice and smiled, but when she looked at Jasper her face turned sour.

"Remember what Carlisle said about questions, Bella," Jasper said gently and sweetly.

She paused. "Well, I was wondering what you and Alice meant upstairs when Carlisle asked if it was okay for me to go next." She paused but looked like she was thinking so we waited. "And at the hospital Esme said that she wasn't sure about me coming over and then asked you what you saw. Then you said that you'd have to take a walk." She looked at Alice for confirmation.

 _That's her question,_ both Alice and Jasper thought together, as had I, actually. Their synchronized thought had been too loud to ignore, but I tuned them back down again. We each had different questions we were sure she wanted to know all of them having much more to do with what we are then our gifts.

Alice nodded and smiled gently at Bella.

"I used my gift and then gave an assessment based on it," Jasper answered crisply.

She nodded then turned to Alice.

Alice fidgeted. "Well, you see, I have a gift too." She looked at Bella to gauge her reaction.

Bella had that face I remember the first time we had lunch together in the cafeteria like it was no big deal to talk about animal blood diets.

"I can see the future, well, really, possible futures based on what people decide, and I can search possible futures for possible outcomes, and something new, but I'm still not sure what it is."

Bella squinted her eyes as if to gauge if this was a prank. Finally she spoke. "What do you see in my future then?" she asked incredulously.

"You becoming a Cullen." Alice said as if it were already true. She smiled broadly.

"How do you know?" Bella asked curiously this time.

"The way it looks, really, but it's all based on choice. You've decided you want to be a Cullen and we've already decided to accept your request to become a Cullen, but it would change if you changed your mind."

"Oh, okay." She turned to me. "Do you have a gift, Edward?" My fingers crashed into keys; the music halted jarringly.

My face was between a crooked smile and a grimace. "Yes," I answered tentatively, "but it doesn't work on you."

"It doesn't?" She looked pleased and concerned. "Is there something wrong with me?"

"You know, you said that the last time I told you," I muttered too quickly for Bella.

Alice and Jasper chuckled under their breath.

"No. There's nothing wrong with you," I said perhaps too strongly.

"Well, what is it, or can't you tell?" she looked concerned now.

"I can tell you. I can read other's thoughts."

"Oh." She frowned. "Oh!" Her face lit up like it used to when she had a spark on insight.

"Want to share?" Alice asked pouting.

She smiled broadly. "That just answers so many questions."

"Please, Bella," Alice pleaded, "ask your questions. It's important and you won't offend anyone."

"Okay," she face brightened up. "Are you and Jasper a couple?"

We were all shocked again by her question, but in some ways it didn't surprise me. This was the Bella I knew well. She was highly observant and curious in some ways, and took other things in that would worry others without the slightest concern.

Alice and Jasper looked at each other. "Yes, we are," Alice answered.

"Rosalie and Emmett?"

"Yes, they're a couple as well," I answered.

"No wonder people talk about your family in town. Three couples in one house."

We all smiled. Yes, they did talk about that although they tried not to be flagrant about it except Carlisle and Esmewho acted the appropriately shy married couple.

"Have you always lived in Forks?"

We three looked at each other. Neither wanted to answer. "No, our family moves around a lot. If you became a Cullen, then you'd leave Forks with us," I finally admitted.

She nodded and then her eyes lit up as if she were making another connection. We all waited but she didn't say anything. I went back to playing the piano.

Bella looked thoughtful and after a few moments spoke, "Carlisle promised me to tell me about my scars. Is he going to do that soon?"

"We can, if you want," Alice offered.

She nodded then she pointed to her self-injury.

 _Well, go ahead, mister,_ Alice insisted so loudly it pushed through.

I tuned her down again and explained, "We were attacked in the woods and you did that in a misguided attempt to protect me."

"This one?" she asked pointing to the one from her birthday.

"I pushed you into a crystal vase. Carlisle stitched you up."

 _Really, Edward? You think half-truths are what Bella needs?_ Jasper asked furiously.

As a reflex almost now, I tuned him out once more.

"This one?" she pointed to the bite mark on her wrist.

"You have some other ones that happened at the same time on your leg, as your leg was also broken," Alice put in. She searched her visions and saw that telling Bella the truth about James would cause Bella to react badly. "A sadistic pig wanted to hurt you and broke your leg and bit you there," she put in.

Jasper looked at Alice through narrowed eyes.

Alice searched to see if Bella was going to ask any more questions. When it looked unlikely she searched the future for the best option of what to do with Bella here.

"Would you like to play a board game, Bella?" Alice asked after ruling out everything that would have scared Bella.

Jasper looked tortured.

"Sure …" Bella answered.

"Rosalie, Emmett, come play with us. No, Emmett not that game. No, nothing where Edward or I have an advantage." Rosalie hated when Alice answered her questions before she got to ask them, but Emmett thought it was efficient.

The six of us set up the game in the dinning room. It was comical to watch us try and play at human pace. Usually we would have done our moves at normal speeds, but each family member kept reminding themselves that this Bella didn't know that yet, and more than anything we were trying not to scare her. The sun went down and the game was coming to a close.

I had been able to keep my family's thoughts in the background. Having Bella next to me probably helped. I had been listening to Bella's body, and she hadn't made any real sounds of being hungry, but she still should eat. Both Bella and I were out of the game, but still watching the others.

"Hungry?" I asked her.

"Sure."

I wasn't confident what that meant, but I went into the kitchen anyway. I mentally went through the things I knew how to make.

"How about an omelette?" I offered through the wall. Esme had shown in once.

"Edward wants to know if you want an omelette, Bella," Alice told her.

"Sure."

I took that as a yes, and brought it out to her when I was done. My siblings looked at me like I had grown a third eye.

"What?" I muttered quickly to them. "She's hungry and I don't want to ask Esme."

"Nothing, brother," Rosalie replied teasingly in the sub-human mutterings back.

"Like I said, just like a crazy person," Emmett muttered.

Jasper just smiled knowingly and Alice beamed.

They all managed to not appear repulsed by the smell of the food. Good thing we have years of practice sitting in cafeterias.

Bella finished dinner thanking me and we continued to watch the game. Eventually she started to yawn.

"Tired?" I asked.

"I guess so. Where do I usually sleep?"

"In my bed." I watched her reaction carefully.

"Oh?" she looked worried. Her heart rate had increased slightly.

Jasper held his breath.

"Not with me," I added guessing at her unspoken fear.

 _What do you_ do _then_ all _night?_ Emmett's voice intruded loudly.

The rest of my siblings managed to contain sniggers.

"Where will you sleep, then?" she asked concerned and looking a bit guilty.

 _Yes. Where do_ you sleep, _Edward?_ This time it was Rosalie's voice that invaded.

"Don't worry about me," I answered not sure I was ready to explain.

"Sure?" Bella watched me.

"Yes, certain. It's not a big deal."

 _Yeah, because we don't sleep_ , they nearly all thought simultaneously. Their combined voices reverberated in my head. I pinched the bridge of my nose.

She nodded accent and then moved towards the staircase as if she knew where she was going. I followed behind curious if she could find her way. Once we got to my room she took her bag into the bathroom to change. She seemed to need privacy, so I stepped out of the room and waited for her in the hall enjoying the sound of having her rhythms so close. When I heard her get into bed I knocked on my own bedroom door. That was weird.

"Come in."

"You okay?" I asked.

"Yes. It feels familiar, not as much as my room in Charlie's, but enough. But … it feels like I'm missing something critical to make it feel right."

I smiled. "Well, usually, you wrap yourself in covers, and I lay on top of the covers holding you while I sing your lullaby to you until you are asleep."

"Hmm. Maybe you could stay and sing, but not be so close as before?"

"Sure, Bella." I leaned against the wall and sang her lullaby. There were so many elements that were similar to the first time I was in her room, but then important things that were different. It was odd. I sang until she started talking in her sleep.

"You talk like you already have one," she muttered in her sleep. Then, "Please can I see it?". Later, "I like old-fashioned things." I knew those words so well. Was she remembering the words when she agreed to marry me? Would her dreams give her what would entrap her to me again? Finally she settled into deep sleep and I ventured out with my mind to see if Carlisle wasn't otherwise occupied. It didn't take long to decide to stay here with Bella.

It seemed that my family was giving Bella the choice to say yes to our family, to say yes to me, to say yes to becoming like us. I had come full circle. I would enjoy her company and wait to see when something would scare her away. Except it wasn't exactly the same because this time she doesn't know our true nature and the Volturi's axe was hanging over us. I wondered what chance Bella had of choosing to stay human. I knew I couldn't leave her, but standing here watching her sleep it seemed inevitable that she would leave me.


	27. Jacob–According To Plan

Chapter 27: Jacob–According To Plan

* * *

On the way back from the hospital Dad must have known I was upset because he put his hand on my shoulder and reassured me, "Give it time. She'll come back."

I had been restless since Dad and I had gotten home from the hospital on Thursday evening. By Friday afternoon Dad had shooed me to the garage insisting that I was well enough to work on my projects. He didn't say it, but I think he also wanted some space. As much as he appreciated having me around we weren't used to being under each other's feet.

Working in the garage had been a good distraction when I could focus on the task at hand and let everything else fall by the wayside. Not to mention that it was where I did by best thinking. No matter what I put my hands on, my mind wouldn't leave Bella and seeing her yesterday. The more I thought about her in the hospital the angrier I got. It seemed like the Great Spirit was out to get her. After everything that has happened to her since she moved to Forks, it was too much. Why did such a sweet kind person have to go through so much? I knew she was strong. She would pull through, but it seemed unfair to take away her memories. Dad had been right. Sitting in the hospital watching Bella not understand things she always had known, not knowing our secrets, and basing her decisions on her dreams was the worst most heart-wrenching thing I'd ever watched. Certainly worse than when the vermin left.

Dad's words, despite their well meaning, had brought me no comfort. He had no way to _know_ that she would come back. Last time she had become a shell of herself it had taken a long time for her to even move and talk like an alive human being. Even then, she never had fully recovered to her pre-vermin self. Then, despite all that the vermin had put her through, she ran off with the seer and after three days returned with the vermin a different kind of Bella. I was waiting for her to shake herself out of his spell and be the Bella I knew and loved. Sure, I'd take any version of her as long as she stayed human, but who knew which version of Bella would she be in a few days or even a few months?

Dad's belief that she would come back just wasn't good enough to me. After all, I had believed before, put in the effort, helped her out, and how much good had that done me? Instead of dying a slow death of not living like she had been without the vermin, she returned insisting that she wanted the vermin to kill her. No, I didn't want any version of Bella to return. I wanted the pre-vermin version.

On top of that, it was like a thousand steel rods were being forced into my pores every time she touched one of _them_. The absolute worst part was that she saw them as angels. They didn't work for the side of good. We did. They were demons of the worst kind–those that fool you into believing they were harmless. And they had succeeded in her dreams no less.

But I had faith that pre-vermin Bella would emerge. It was a dream after all. Once she saw them in their true nature things would become clear to her and she would want to have nothing to do with them. She was a smart girl. My saving grace was that she remembered that the vermin left. She remembered that he had hurt her. I knew, I just knew that awareness would help tip the scales in my favour. This time she wouldn't forgive him for what he had done to her. This time she would see him for the heartless monster he truly was.

I wished the mother and fortune-teller hadn't promised that they weren't leaving her because eventually they would have to, if she were to stay human. The only explanation to why they hadn't just packed up and left her alone once they knew she had amnesia was that they planned on killing her and taking her with them. This was why they were my enemy even if I wasn't allowed to chomp into them–they wanted to kill her and I wanted to save her.

The only good thing that might come out of this accident was that it had given Bella a new chance to escape their clutches, and consequently, by extension, it gave her and I a fresh start. The question that had distracted me as I worked in the garage was how to go about it. I was only sixteen. What did I know about winning a girl's heart? My pack brother's memories of imprinting weren't going to help me out. The greatest advantage I had was that I had put Bella together the first time. I just would do what I had before with some slight modifications. First, I needed to just accept and learn this new Bella. That would be easy enough. Second, I needed not to give the vermin any advantages. I revealed in the opportunity to fix _those_ mistakes. Third, I needed to be smoother about telling her that I loved her and kissing her. Luckily our second kiss had been better than our first, so I figured it wouldn't be that hard. Forth, if possible, I would try to take the vermin down in her eyes a peg or two. That would do it; it was a good plan.

Saturday Quil had called and said that the pack was meeting up for grub at Emily and Sam's house. It was great. When they each took turns leaving to patrol I ached to be able to go with them, but enjoyed the easy banter and camaraderie shared between us nonetheless. It was shortly after everyone was there bar Sam and Brady, who were on patrol with Sam teaching Brady the ropes, that Collin asked about Bella.

"She's awake, but she's got amnesia," I told them all.

Emily gasped.

"Like she doesn't remember her name?" Collin asked.

"Well, she remembers words and names and stuff, but she doesn't remember the past."

"She doesn't know we're wolves?" Jared asked shocked.

"Does that mean you're going to go off her?" Paul jeered.

"How would that have anything to do with it?" I retorted.

"Yeah, but she's not your imprint and this time she doesn't know. You know the rules," Paul taunted.

"She does know I'm a wolf, she asked me almost as soon as I got there," I defended.

"I bet that was a sight to see, a wolf in a hospital," Paul joked.

"They certainly wouldn't let you back in if that had happened," Jared teased.

"Good thing I told her I'm a wolf sometimes."

"Stop being such a hot-head Jake," Lear sneered.

"She going to get her memory back?" Seth asked immediately sobering the mood.

"No one knows, but she remembers your ugly mugs going to visit her."

"Well, that's cool," Quil added.

"Thanks guys. I think it really helped."

"Yeah, sure," was mumbled by almost everyone before the topic was changed.

I certainly came home that evening in a far better mood. Seeing the pack had made all the difference.

The only thing that kept bugging me was Paul's comment about Bella not being my imprint even into Sunday when I woke up. If that weren't enough irritation, Doc got permission to come by one more time. I would have never thought that seeing the doc would be something that I would look forward to, but like it or not he held the keys to my release to wolfness. He came by a little before noon polite as ever.

"So, Jake, how's the cast working for you?"

"Good, good."

He smiled in his weird reassuring kind smile that looked practiced.

It was bizarre how nothing he did was really natural. It was freaky. It was like everything else about our neighbouring golden-eyed bloodsuckers: fake. I thought again about the red-eyed bloodsuckers we had fought. If that was his truly natural state, was I glad he was faking it all the time? Nah, I decided. I'd rather he be natural, prove he was my enemy, and we get on with it. The fakeness grated on my nerves. And here he was, pretending as always, trying to be some inter-species diplomat.

"Glad to hear it," he said kindly enough, but I had to wonder if that was fake too. "I'll have to relay that to Rosalie and Emmett. No problems with it? Getting it on and off okay?"

I gave up trying to figure him out and just went with it. "Yeah, it's good." I grimaced. They really had done a knock up job, but I didn't want him to think that his gift had somehow softened me.

"How are the ribs?"

"Back to normal. Spent all of Friday afternoon in the garage working on stuff. No problems."

"Tenderness, soreness, anything?"

"Nope. Want me to lie down again, Doc. I'd really like to get back to it."

He smiled like I was a little child.

That was damn annoying. I was his enemy, not his kid, and certainly not some toddler or whatever image he had of me in his head.

"Actually, I came to give you an all clear to phase." He looked at my dad who had nodded back.

As if I didn't know that. Did he really think I would have put up with him and his fakeness and smell if he didn't hold the key to me being a full pack member instead of the half one I had been yesterday?

"Given that, I'd like to do a different kind of exam. Would that be alright?" he continued.

It wasn't like I actually had a choice. If I wanted the clear to phase I had to go through his hoops. Why would he ask then? Doc was all kinds of confusing. I chalked it down to being one of his pretending games. The weirdest part was that there were moments when he seemed to genuinely care. How a bloodsucker, even one like the doc, would care about a werewolf like me went against the natural order of things. He made no sense at all.

I nodded then he looked at my dad who nodded as well.

Then he had me do crazy stuff. Reach up high while I breathed deeply and he poked me. Touch my toes. Go run around the house four times. All kind of ridiculousness. It was worse than the P.E. examines they give at the beginning of the school year to assess your fitness. When it seemed like he couldn't possibly want me to do anything else, he found new ways to torture me.

Finally I complained. "Come on, Doc. I'm not a yoga instructor. I'm a werewolf."

At that I had gotten, "Okay. One more." He had me do some other crazy pose while he checked me.

He turned to Dad. "I can't find anything to give me concern. I don't usually treat young werewolves, so I can't say for sure, but in human form he seems to have completely healed."

I grinned broadly and punched the air. "Yes! So, I have the all clear?"

He looked grave. "Ultimately, Jacob, it's up to Sam, but your father will report everything to Sam including my conclusions."

I grinned. That was good news. No reason that Sam would say no. I looked at Dad trying to give him the hint to ask about Bella.

When Dad had called Charlie the night before I had overheard Charlie say that Bella had left that morning to go over to the bloodsuckers house and wouldn't be back to Charlie's till Monday night. When Dad had asked how he was holding up, he had told Dad that he didn't like having her over there after just being released from the hospital, but since he didn't want to leave her alone he had agreed as things at the office had started to pile up. I wished he didn't let her go over there, period. It always worried me when she was over there. Maybe they had waited for her to be released from the hospital to kill her.

Dad must have thought something similar because he immediately offered to have her over here during the day. They discussed it and evidently she was there till Monday at dinnertime. Hopefully that meant she would be here on Tuesday.

Luckily Dad had caught my hint. "How's Bella?" he asked the doc.

A flash of sadness and worry went across Doc's face. That seemed genuine enough. Huh. Maybe he did care about her. Well, as much as a bloodsucker could care about his potential lunch.

"She's coming along well," he had answered, but there was something in his tone. He was hiding something. I wasn't sure what he was hiding, though. "Every once in a while she'll remember something, but she doesn't understand it. It's hard, Billy, but I'm confidant that she'll find her way. When I left they were all talking about the music she needs to learn and what she should be glad she forgot. I just hope they don't become too boisterous."

I wondered if he was hiding how bad her condition really was or was it something else?

Doc had shaken his head smiling like he was indulging someone. "Luckily Esme was there. She'll keep my ones in line." He had seemed to be lost in a thought. "She's a tough girl our Bella."

Dad's eyes had kept getting narrower as Doc went on. I couldn't imagine it. How did a bunch of bloodsuckers sit around and argue about music with their potential meal? That didn't fit at all. Doc must be making stuff up.

Dad had become grave suddenly. "Have you made a decision, yet?"

Doc had looked ancient suddenly. "Not formally. Our position is that unless our hand is forced, we'd like to wait for Bella to decide."

Dad had taken that in. "I hope that what I wish to say does not offend you."

Doc had nodded and got that blank look they get like a poker player trying not to show his or her tell.

"Bella mentioned one time that you only bit the others when they were dying. When there was no other way."

"Yes, Bella was right that I turned then when they were dying, but she was wrong too. There was another way. I could have let them die."

Dad had an unfathomable expression on his face.

I thought about that. If I was faced with the choice to heal my mother and make her into one of them, would I?

No. I couldn't. She was in heaven. That was better.

Slowly and methodically, Dad had asked, "So, possibly it could heal the damage that has been done."

Doc had nodded gravely. "Yes, it's possible. I've seen our venom heal a great many things, but I know of no other cases regarding amnesia to base that on, so it's conjecture." He had seemed to shake himself out of that thought. "It's a mute point at the moment anyway. Bella is up, walking, and talking."

Dad took time to think. "That must have been an arduous choice on the way to the hospital."

"No really. Our relationships with you and the pack as well as Charlie means a lot to us. Edward recommended no and I agreed."

Just like a smooth talker trying to lull us into a false sense of security to say something like that. That was just too unbelievable to swallow.

"Thank you for your honesty."

"Anytime, Billy."

Monday was spent tinkering on an exhaust system thinking over what the doc had said. The one piece that stuck out to me was that doc had said that the vermin had recommended to take her to the hospital. The vermin had told me before the battle that he didn't want her to become like him, that he wanted her to remain human, but I didn't really _believe_ him. For the life of me, though, I couldn't come up with an alternative explanation. What was his game? There had to be a ploy. The presented information lined up too well.

Paul's comment about Bella not being my imprint was still bugging me. I weighed the likelihood that I would find an imprint verses the chance that she'd get back together with the vermin if I didn't pursue her. I'd hate for us to become an item just for me to imprint on someone else. That would royally suck. At the same time, as comfortable as she had been with the bloodsuckers, if I didn't do something she was bound to marry the vermin and that was simply unacceptable. I tried to wrap my mind around it, but in the end I gave up. I was simply unable to act on a might be and went with what was best in the moment. And what was best for Bella was that she remains human. After all, according to our stories, I was far likely not to imprint.

By Monday night I was getting annoyed, as I still hadn't gotten the okay to phase. It sure was taking Dad his sweet time to call Sam. That evening at dinner Dad had let me know that the council wanted me to join them at their meeting to talk about me phasing or something like that and until that happened I still wasn't permitted to shift. I began to wonder if they were purposefully attempting to torture me. Things started looking up when I arose Tuesday morning and Dad let me know that Charlie was going to drop Bella off and pick her up and the end of his shift. I was still in the shower when I heard the cruiser and then Dad welcome Bella in.

"We're going to have breakfast soon. Want to come into the kitchen and keep me company?" Dad asked Bella.

"Yeah, sure," Bella answered more hesitantly than I had ever heard her speak.

I hurried.

"–and Rachel insisted she had found it. Eventually Charlie went and found one nearly identical so that you both could have one and would stop fighting."

Bella smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"Hey, Bella."

"Hello, Jacob." She had a look like she still wasn't certain of me. That would be hard to adjust to. Hopefully it would pass soon.

"Jake's fine," I told her, "that's what everyone calls me except maybe Dad."

Dad winked at her.

"Like how my name is Isabella Marie Swan, but I'm called Bella?"

"Yup, just like that. We're the Blacks. Jacob Black and William Black, Jr. at your service," I told her in my most regal voice and then bowed.

She giggled at my antics, but looked at me like I was strange.

Dad finished making breakfast and we all sat down. When I wasn't so starved I told Bella, "I was thinking we could hang out in my garage today. We used to do that a lot. Going over to Sam's and visiting with Emily or going down to the beach are also options."

"Did Emily come and visit me?"

"Yeah, her and Sam both. They were some of your phoenixes."

"Oh okay." Then there was a long pause. "We can hang out in your garage, Jake. It's okay."

"It's no problem. It's whatever."

She looked at Dad.

He was watching her carefully.

"I'm fine," she insisted after a few minutes.

"Okay. Let me do the dishes and then we can go out there," I told her.

"Want help?" she asked.

"No, thanks. I got them."

As soon as I was done we headed out.

"Be careful," Dad warned. "Nothing arduous."

"Yeah, yeah," I grumbled as we walked out.

We spent the whole day in the garage. Mostly I worked on stuff and she just sat there like she had when the vermin has left, us talking about random stuff, laughing, and enjoying each other's company. It was like old times. I wouldn't pressure her or try to control her like the vermin did. She would remember than she loved me and want to be with me. Only this time I wouldn't take so long to tell her that I love her. My plan would work. Being with her was just as easy as before until she would say something that would remind me that she was different.

Like after she'd sat there an hour or more watching me she asked, "Do I come to your garage often?"

"You used to," I griped.

She had a far away look that was new. "Do you know what changed?" she asked eventually.

"Yeah, well, you started dating Edward," I said his name like it was a curse, "and he didn't like you coming over here, so for a while you didn't come. Then one day you snuck away and came to hang out. Since then you'd come when you could get away or he'd lets you." A sneer came out at the end even though I trying not to let it. My hands were shaking a bit, but not enough to be worrisome.

"Oh," was all she said. A comfortable silence settled around us until she broken it. "Did he do that often?"

"What?" I had to think back. "Tell you what to do?"

"Yeah?" she asked with wide eyes and a calculation in her mind like she was working something out.

"Yeah. He's ridiculously protective of you and wouldn't let you go five feet from him."

"He said I cut myself in a misguided attempt to protect him." Her tone was strangely flat like she was parroting, although there was a slight questioning tone at the end.

I grimaced. The memory from Seth of him laying down playing dead and her cutting herself ran through my head. On this point, I had to agree with the vermin. I mean come on, he's a deadly killer and she cut herself to help him. That was all kinds of messed up.

"That's the story I got," I told her.

She nodded and then said nothing more about it.

Maybe I had put a dent in her perfect vermin mental image. The idea made me smile.

It seemed like no time had passed at all when Charlie was back at our house to pick her up.

"Come back soon, Bella. It was good to hang out."

"Okay." Then she smiled the first genuine smile I had seen on her since she had woken up. She looked at Charlie. "Tomorrow?"

He smiled. "That okay, Billy?"

"Bella's always welcomed."

"Alright, see you tomorrow then," Charlie stated before he drove them both away.

She wanted to come back and be with me was the joyous thought that permeated my being while I fell asleep. This time I managed to wake up, shower, and be dressed before Bella was dropped off. When she came in and saw me she looked at me in a friendly way. It wasn't quite the same as before, but it was getting closer. My plan was working.

"I was thinking we could go to the beach today, Bella," I offered after breakfast.

She looked cautious. "Okay."

"Great."

After breakfast and dishes were done we walked over to First Beach. It took us a while. Bella seemed to walk slower than I remembered and I didn't want to push her, so I just walked at her pace. When we finally came upon it she stopped dead in her tracks.

"What is this?" she demanded seemingly upset.

"The beach," I offered cautiously.

She squinted her eyes. "Am I awake?"

I pinched her.

"Hey, what did you do that for?" she said angrily and then slapped my arm.

If I hadn't watched her do it I'm not sure I would have felt it. Slap or not it was the first time I had felt her body touch mine since our kiss.

I shrugged and smiled. "In the movies that's how someone knows that they're awake. If you pinch someone and they say 'Ow', then the person knows they are awake."

"Oh," she looked down.

"It's okay. I shouldn't have done that."

She nodded and stepped forward. I let her lead. Her feet seemed to know where she was going even her face showed confusion and trepidation. She stopped and sat down on our driftwood, the place where we had our first conversation after she moved here.

"Tell me the wolf story, Jake." She said this with her arms wrapped around her knees facing the water. She had this far away look.

It seemed like we were back at the beginning. We had been here at this spot when I had first told her our legends. That time I had told her the story I was most proud of–the legend of Ephraim Black. At the time I didn't know the story was true. I had always wondered if her and the vermin getting together was my fault because I had spilled the beans. This was my chance to correct that.

This time I told her our tribe's creation story. I told her how the creator had made us from wolves and how the wolves were the defenders of our people. I wasn't as good as a storyteller as my dad. Nevertheless she seemed to like it, as she had a sort of blissful look on her face like listening to me was one of her most favourite things. I would never stopped talking if it would keep that look.

After the story had ended, we sat there side by side not touching watching the waves come in and out. Sometime later Bella spoke.

"I've been here before." There was a slight questioning intonation in her voice, but mostly it was an assertion.

I sat in silence waiting to see if she was really asking a question.

"This is where I was when the phoenixes and angels came to be with me. Except it wasn't quite like this. It was narrower in my memory, there wasn't driftwood like this, it went from dunes and sand from up there" she pointed behind us, "to larger pebbles at the water's edge, and the colours of things are slightly different, but it feels the same. The angels were there." She pointed above the water coming into the bay. "And the phoenixes were there." She turned around and pointed to the dunes. "They were so loud, but I didn't find it disturbing," she whispered conspiratorially and then smiled. Did her tone mean she trusted me more? Hopefully.

She looked far away again the smile she had receding. "Nothing made sense to me until Esme spoke. It was the first time I considered following the voices, but they were gone before I decided, so I stayed." Many minutes later she added, "How come you didn't come?"

"The doc hadn't cleared me to leave my house," I told her allowing my regret to colour my words.

"Doctors sure are bossy," she stated matter-of-factually.

"True that, true that." Even bloodsucker ones.

We settled into a comfortable silence. Eventually she broke it saying, "I like it here. It's peaceful."

I wasn't sure what to say about her dreams when she had been in her coma. "I like it here, too." I smiled at her. That seemed safer.

"I liked your story about the wolves. Thank you for sharing it, Jake."

"You're welcome." I smiled.

This seemed like a perfect moment to tell her that I loved her. It was that cheesy romantic moment you see in the movies, but then I thought about what Bella had been through. I didn't want to take as long as last time, but she hadn't been awake for a week yet. I decided that it would be too soon. I didn't want to frighten her.

After a while Bella turned to me again, "Have we ever been here before?"

"Sure loads of times. Shortly after you had first moved here you and some of the other students from Forks High came to the beach and we hung out, and then sometimes there would be bonfires and a whole bunch of Quileutes and a few outsiders would get together and you would be included."

She nodded knowingly. "Have I heard your creation story before?" she asked me after a little bit.

"Sure."

"Could you tell me another story?"

I considered my options. I decided to tell her the story of the first chief that transformed into a wolf to protect the tribe from vampires. I thought about adding that vampires' eyes could be golden too, but that seemed blasphemous, so I told it as it was last told to her. I told her about how the chief protected the tribe. I told her about the third wife who sacrificed herself to protect her son and her tribe. This story didn't have many vampire descriptions except their red eyes and unnatural skin, but it painted the vampires badly. I hoped it would help my plan.

She responded almost exactly the same way that she had at the bonfire when it was told the first time. It was eerie when she did things like that. Bella, but not quite the Bella I remembered.

The sun was getting low enough that we should get back. As we walked she started being inquisitive.

"What grade are you in, Jake?"

"Um …" I shuffled my feet. "I should be a senior in September, but I didn't do so well in my classes last year, so I'm a little bit behind."

"Oh." She sounded sad.

"You were tutoring in me math last year."

"Really?"

"Yes. Charlie used to come home to find my math books and us spread across the floor."

She smiled.

"You go to Forks High too?"

"Nah. I go to the school here on the rez."

She nodded. "The rest of the Phoenixes too?" she asked quietly.

I smiled. "Yeah. We all go to school together." She asked which of the birds were my friends and if I knew all the birds that had visited her.

It was a challenge, but I managed to talk about them while mostly keeping the mystical warfare stuff and pack stuff and werewolf stuff out. The few times I slipped and said pack, but she didn't say anything about it.

This time as she drove away she waved at me. "See you soon, Jake," she called with a smile.

"See you soon, Bella," I called back.

I wished soon would be tomorrow, but I didn't want to push it. The important part was that our friendship was growing. And this time I hadn't helped the vermin out. Everything was going according to plan.


	28. Bella-Settling In

Chapter 28: Bella–Settling In

* * *

Crawling into bed, the two last days spent at Jacob's kept playing in my mind. I liked him. He was easy to be around. We fit together comfortably. He was like the sun coming out on a cloudy day warming me and giving me the sense of contentment that sunbathing does. He was easy to be around and he had a way of making me feel like my lack of memories didn't matter at all, that he liked me in whatever shape or form I came in. It was a quiet reassurance in the midst of everything else, not quite Esme and Carlisle, but incredibly welcomed and appreciated nonetheless. I could see why Charlie had insisted on my first day, after leaving the hospital, that Jacob had been one of my best friends and that I should spend some time with him. He had never said anything negative about the Cullens, but I got the impression that he didn't want me spending all my time with them either. Whatever his motivation, he had been right about Jake. The time spent with him had been good.

My blankets and duvet wrapped around me were like a cocoon even though it was summer. Sleeping with the window closed didn't work for me. No idea why, but it didn't. It had unnerved me the first time I had closed the window as if having it open was critical to a good night's sleep. Like most things since waking up in the hospital I just trusted there was some reasonable explanation that would arrive one day.

Lying in my bed not sleeping because I had become concerned about my sleeping seemed ridiculous, but had become a nightly ritual since returning to Charlie's house. The biggest prevention to my sleep were the vivid dreams that had started that first night at the Cullen's, however they hadn't been burdensome or disturbing until after returning from the Cullen's. These vivid dreams had filled my sleeping state each night, as true as my experiences before Carlisle had introducing himself.

The first night the dream had been in Edward's bed where he asked me to marry him and I had agreed to _try_. Although confusing, it had been a pleasant dream and one that required courage before broaching the subject. Three nights ago, while again sleeping in Edward's bed, my dreams had me waking up to find Edward in my room and after some arguing him taking me to his house. All the Cullens sat around their dining room table, I mentioned something called the Volturi, and then we took a vote about me becoming a Cullen. Edward and Rosalie said no. And when Carlisle said yes Edward got up and there was a loud noise like something being destroyed. The sense of being valued, wanted, and appreciated were strong by the end, but there had also been a touch of disappointment. Two nights ago the dream had been about a plane ride where I forced myself to stay awake by drinking coke. The Cullens were there to greet me at the airport and Rosalie apologized for something that made no sense to me. That one had left me triumphant but agitated, rejected, and despondent like I was expecting to be punched in the gut again. Last night in my dream I was comatose laying in my bed unable to function, empty inside. Charlie came in to my room, told me he was sending me to Jacksonville to live with my mother, I yelled and screamed refusing to leave Forks, and then I woke up. The dead feeling that had accompanied the comatose state was still with me, although it had dulled over time. It bore a similar resemblance to the feeling that had overwhelmed me on that first day at the hospital when for a moment I had believed that the Cullens were leaving me. Although each dream had been vivid, heart pounding ones didn't exist in Edward's bed after he had sung me to sleep.

Each night a part of me craved to have him next to me holding me, but I reasoned that he might not feel comfortable with that, as he seemed to be keeping his distance. We might have been together before my accident, but there was no indication from Edward that was still true. In truth, I wasn't sure. It was very confusing. He was nice enough. He was respectful, kind, and thoughtful. He also seemed quite uptight and chaste. The images of him in my dreams scared me. Not to mention that when it was just the two of us I had felt him looking at me sadly as if I were dead. I chalked it up to him being upset about my hospitalization and him being sick, but it made me uncomfortable.

On one hand, I had this nearly irresistible pull towards him like a magnet. This part of me felt on fire when he was near, like a current running through my body. Much of my time over at his house had been spent with my hands balled up and my arms crossed attempting to resist him. On the other hand, the mental pictures associated with him were disconcerting. It had been obvious to me on that first night at their house that Edward and probably his family weren't human. That was fine with me since I already knew they were angels and Jacob was a wolf. Didn't bother me any. The sounds that had been emitted when we helped Edward, presumably from Edward, were a clincher if nothing else had been. Although the sounds hadn't match my ideas of what upset angles would sound like, what did I know? What frightened me wasn't his inhumanity, but the empty feeling associated with him from my dreams in contrast to the fire that filled my body when near him. I didn't know which on to follow, which one was true.

Simultaneously, even though Esme had told me that Edward and I had gotten engaged, which had been confirmed by my dream, my intuition told me that there was more than just friendship between Jake and I. Jacob didn't create the same kind of feelings in me that Edward did. I wasn't pulled towards him in the same way. Certainly I didn't get the same current sensation with Jacob, but there was something there, something important that I was unwilling to dismiss outright without understanding its source better.

I liked the Cullens especially Esme and Carlisle. Overall, the time at their house had been enjoyable. Just like upon entering Charlie's house my mind would get occasional flashes of events. Edward at the piano had been one, so when he had offered to play I hadn't been surprised. There had been something vague about a party with a DJ and lots of people. Otherwise the flashes were of mundane things like me at Edward's sink brushing my teeth. If nothing else it had confirmed for me that I was comfortable in their home and had spent much time at theirs.

Alice was over enthusiastic, but I enjoyed her company. Emmett was fun to be around. Jasper had this calming presence and a way about him that lightened the mood of a room, but he kept his distance. No one had explained and, as it didn't change the fact that he seemed to accept me carte blanche and enjoyed my company, I hadn't asked. Rosalie seemed to tolerate me. But I wasn't as sure that I wanted to be a Cullen as I had when I had first woken. There was something about them, something about moving into the world of angels that no one had bothered to tell me about that was important. Something that made me think that there was more to them than met the eye. I had noticed as well that when they talked about becoming a Cullen it was more than just moving in. The dream I had about the vote especially made me think that it was a big deal. It was on the tip of my tongue. It would come to me.

Finally, when my eyelids had become heavier than my worries, dreams took me. I was on the streets of some town when against my friend's recommendation I got on the back of a motorbike with some biker dude. Then I was in the garage with Jake watching him fix up two bikes. Then we were riding the bikes and I crashed. Then I jumped off a cliff and Jacob pulled me out of the water. The weird thing was that each time in these scenes Edward's face appeared and he spoke, except as a ghost.

Upon wakening I didn't feel very rested. The dream had given me a hollow feeling along with that feeling of being warmed by the sun like being around Jake. Going over to Jake's meant asking him about it, as my curiosity would get the better of me, something I wasn't ready to do just yet, so instead I asked Charlie for permission to stay in his house by myself. He reluctantly agreed on the condition that I didn't leave. The sense of being confined to a playpen resurfaced.

I was beginning to understand Charlie. He seemed to communicate with grunts and few words, but he obviously cared greatly for me. He had slept in a chair next to me until I had arrived at the hospital. Like Edward had been while I had visited the Cullens, he seemed to be having a hard time adjusting to my few memories. At times he still gave me the feeling like being in bubble wrap or placed in a playpen as if I were still a toddler, like this morning, but perhaps he just was worried about me. I had been only released from the hospital seven days ago after all. It seemed unfair to judge my relationship with him solely on this past week. Time would allow me to figure out if he was always bubble-wrapping or if it just because of me being in the hospital. Time seemed to be the answer to almost everything since my arrival at the hospital.

After a few hours of going through my room I had decided to sunbathe. Feeling slightly rebellious I had grabbed a quilt and a book and had headed outside leaving Charlie's four walls without an escort. I read through the most used book that had been in my room, a collection of Jane Austen, falling in love with the stories. I fell in love with the way things used to be, how men courted women, the formality, all of it. Not all the characters were pleasant, but the expression of love that shone though the stories delighted my mind and ignited my heart.

Sleep took me again as I had lain on the grass. Dreams of Edward and I at a formal dance like in the stories where I was graceful and he professed his love for me delighted me. The sound of Charlie's cruiser pulling into the driveway awakened me.

Where Esme's ideas of food were these incredible concoctions, Charlie's idea of cooking was ordering take-out. The flashes upon my arrival had indicated that I knew how to cook, so last night I had tried my hand at something and it seemed to be easy enough. Getting up I decided to make pasta. He never said anything about me leaving his house. Maybe the lawn was included in his definition of 'house.'

Right as the dishes were finished the phone rang. Charlie answered, but said it was for me.

"Evening Bella," Edward had said formally once I was on the line.

For half a minute it puzzled me as to how he had such great timing then I remembered, Alice. Right. Alice.

"Evening, Edward," I replied unsure what else to say.

"I was wondering if I might have the pleasure of escorting you on a picnic?" he asked with a cadence meant for the early twentieth century.

That made no sense. "Huh" was my eloquent reply.

A few seconds passed when he spoke again. "Would you like to go with me on a picnic?"

Well, why hadn't he said that in the first place? Although the way he spoke sent shivers down my spine and excited me, I rarely understood him. "Where would we be going?" I asked knowing Charlie would want to know.

"There's a beautiful spot that I thought would be perfect."

That wasn't helpful, but decided not to press it.

"Hold on." I put the phone down and went to the living room. "Charlie, Edward invited me on a picnic. Would that be alright?"

"When?" he asked me.

"I don't know. Hold on." I went back to the phone. "Charlie wants to know when."

"Tomorrow. I would pick you up mid-morning."

"Hold on again."

"No problem, Bella," I barely heard him say as I put the phone back down.

I found Charlie again. "He said tomorrow."

"Fine," he grumbled. "Be home by six."

"Okay, thanks Charlie."

He grunted.

"Charlie said that was okay, but I need to be home by six."

"Not a problem, Bella. See you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow, then."

No doubt he would have perfect timing. It seemed to be a thing for angels. The fact that Edward didn't speak plainly and often his manner of speech resembled the characters in my book tickled my brain. How old could angels be? As they were eternal beings, the sky was the limit and then, maybe not even that was their limit.

Telling Charlie goodnight I headed off to bed not really wanting to sleep, but unable to bear sitting downstairs with Charlie with his smothering feeling when my body was singing with the thought of going on a picnic with Edward. I wished there was some way that I could ask Edward to come serenade me asleep again as a good nights sleep seemed critical. Warring with myself back and forth was producing little results. I didn't want to be rude and asking Edward to come over just to sing me asleep seemed rude. Certainly he had better things to do with his time, prior fiancé or not. At the same time he had emphatically repeated to call on him day or night if I needed anything no matter how minor. Eventually my desire to have a good night's sleep trumped my feeling of propriety.

Feeling silly, staring at the ceiling for longer than I would ever want to admit in order to gather my courage, I finally said softly out loud, "Alice, if you're watching my future, could you send Edward, please?"

How her gift worked was beyond me, but even being able to ask soothed me and I immediately began to drift asleep when a whisper on the wind could be heard. A memory of being in a tunnel and that voice begging me to come back to him surfaced. Opening my eyes I got up and leaned out the window barely able to see the shadow of something down on the grass.

"Edward?" I asked in shock.

"You called, madam?"

"Wow. It worked," I muttered softly to myself.

I swore he chuckled.

"How ever will you get up here?" I asked quietly

"Upon the ladies request?" he chuckled back.

"Yes, the lady requests your presence." I smiled and for the first time began to understand how I could have possibly said yes to marrying Edward.

Then he began to climb the tree near the window. He climbed onto the branch closest to me. At about five feet away he crouched down and then jumped. His movements were incredibly graceful. It was like watching a ballerina. His hands found the windowsill and he pulled himself up and into my room in one seamless lithe movement. I blatantly stared at him with my mouth open. My heart began to flutter and he smiled crookedly. I swear my heart nearly stopped. He looked like he belonged on the cover of GQ. His clothes, his hair, everything was perfectly in place as if he had just spent five hours being primped. I couldn't imagine what he saw in me.

Suddenly embarrassment flooded me. There was a boy in my room while my father slept next door. My face became warmer.

"Do you do this often?" I asked trying to deflect my discomfort.

"Yes, Bella," he said cheekily smiling crookedly again. I could feel my heart melt every time he smiled like that.

He seemed quite adept at entering my room in this way. The open window was handy for his entrance. It answered many questions. Quickly I decided that I didn't want to know how often this had happened _before_.

"Of how might I be of service, my lady?" And then he bowed.

Grinning the images in my books came to mind. My cheeks became flushed unsure if they could get hotter. "Well … um … you see …"

He just stood there patiently amused. His eyes twinkled and the corners of his mouth kept twitching as if he was trying to hold in a massive grin.

This was a side of Edward I had never seen.

I found a way to gather my courage and my words. "I enjoyed you singing me to sleep when I was at your house, and I was hoping you could do so again." My cheeks became scarlet again.

"And from where might I be permitted to serenade you, madam?"

Considering his question I pointed to the rocking chair in the corner.

"As you wish." And then he bowed once more.

I snuggled myself back into my bundle while he took the three steps to the chair and settled down into it.

"Your lullaby?"

I nodded agreement unable to speak. Having him here did strange things as if the whole room was filled with an electrostatic charge. While he sang his voice both soothed my mind and warmed my loins. Easily I feel into a pleasant dream of us sitting on top of a cliff looking out to the sea while the sunset his arm around me while he hummed to me.

He was gone when my eyes fluttered open. Hopefully his presence hadn't been a figment of my imagination, as him being in my room seemed more imaginary than real in the morning light, certainly less real than anything else stored in brain. Perhaps that was why his words, when he visited me in the hospital, were not understandable. Maybe he forgot too often to bring himself fully down to earth. Too strongly my body winced at the possibility he had forgotten his invitation. Hopefully not.

Were we going on a date? That thought brought butterflies to my stomach and they would not leave despite the effort exerted to calm them. Nor could I get rid of the remnants of my more unpleasant Edward dreams. There was more to Edward than the uncountable joy of last night, which brought my mind back to my intuition regarding the Cullens. Not to mention my feeling when I was with Jacob. There were too many unanswered questions and too much confusing information. My brain would not stop turning it all over while getting ready. Near the end of breakfast I made a firm decision. I could neither be the Bella they remembered nor pick things up where they remembered them last being. This was my life and I would live it one day at a time starting today, on my terms.

Not seconds after Charlie left for work there was a knock on the door. My insides wanted to bound down the stairs and fling open the door. Instead, I took a deep breath, took one step at a time to ensure my feet remained firmly planted on the floor, walked just as carefully to the door, undid the locks, and opened the door. He looked like he just stepped off a runway. Regret that I could never look as incredibly as him filled me.

He smiled leaving me breathless.

"We match," he uttered with a grin and humour in his tone.

My eyes looked down at my apparel and then at him. Sure enough we were both wearing jeans and a white shirt, and grey sweaters. Perhaps Alice had something to do with that. A smile matching his filled my face.

"Ready?" he asked after a minute.

No. Not in a long shot. Certainly I wasn't ready to be alone with him, but my need to figure this thing between us out trumped.

"As I'll ever be."

I looked at him puzzled, but said nothing.

Closing the door behind me my eyes lingering on it a second too long like I had missed something but couldn't remember what. Whatever it was never came, so instead I walked towards his car. He jogged lightly up ahead of me to open my door.

"Thank you," I offered while keeping my eyes on the ground not wanting him to catch me staring at him.

He relied, "You're welcome," as he closed my door. He then got into the car on his side. He turned up the heat as he turned on the car, a CD playing softly in the background. My brain tingled as if it should be recognizable, but it wouldn't come to me.

When Alice had picked me up, little flashes of being in this car had come to me. The space had given me the most incredible sensations of being protected and safe. With Edward in driver's seat, these feelings were stronger as if he were superman who would rush in out of nowhere and save me from harm. More flashes also came to me on our drive to our picnic. We must have often held hands while he drove. There were bits of conversations about music and his family and me answering his questions, but not enough to make much sense.

He drove a bit out of town. Eventually the road ended and he parked. We looked like we were in the middle of nowhere.

"Is this it?" I asked nervously.

We were really alone together. Did I trust him? To keep me safe? Certainly. He was my angel after all. To not cause me pain? Not completely. Even with the feeling in the car, the knowledge that he had hurt me before had not been shaken. On the other hand, I had already agreed to do this, wasn't a coward, and was unwilling to back down now.

"No, we'll need to hike in about five miles or so," he explained as he grabbed what looked like a picnic basket.

My heart began to speed up. That idea sounded like a disaster waiting to happen and going back to the hospital sounded like a terrible idea.

He smiled crookedly.

"You know my doctor said I'm supposed to be real careful. My injuries are still healing." Sweat began to come off me.

"That's okay. We have all day," he answered gently and with a tone that turned my insides into jelly.

"You'll have to be patient," I nearly sneered at him.

He didn't strike me as a patient person.

"I can be patient; as patient as you need." He paused as if he was remembering something he had forgotten. "I'll take you home[N1] , if you want. No pressure."

The offer was kind. However, no matter my fears I wasn't going to tuck tail and run. "Well, you better start leading the way if we have to go five miles."

He smiled while his eyes twinkled mischievously. He looked like he was enjoying a pleasant memory. Then he started walking and I followed behind.

After a little while I spoke up. "You looked like you were remembering something pleasant. Care to share?"

He paused. "I was remembering the first time I brought you here."

"So, we've been here before?"

"It was our favourite place for just the two of us."

He was taking me to a place from before. That increased my nervousness even though he hadn't once looked at me with sadness and longing like at his house. Perhaps vainly, my hope had been that his change in attitude meant that he was no longer trying to form me into who he remembered. Did his choice reflect a hidden desire to coerce me to become his memory or was he merely expecting that I might enjoy it once more? Time would tell.

In reality the hiking wasn't as challenging as my mind had conjured. Anytime there was a fern in the way he'd hold it for me. If there were a log, he'd hold out his hand for me to take and help me over the obstacle, or in a few instances grabbed my elbow and lifted me over and back down again. It was intimidating to think of how strong he must be to do so as each time he did it in a way that made it appear effortless. We had been walking a few hours by now when a question I had been wanting to ask him came to mind.

"Edward?" I asked seriously.

"Yes?" He turned to face me and started walking backwards. It was comical.

Laughter spontaneously sprang from me.

He looked confused. "What's funny?"

"You're going to hit a tree," I sputtered out between laughs.

"Silly, Bella. I promise, I will not hit a tree." He smiled broadly and it touched his eyes lighting them up.

I thought about arguing, but he'd done fine so far. He looked at me waiting.

"Well, see, I had a dream the other night, and I was curious about it."

He nodded for me to go on.

"I dreamed that you asked me to marry you." I stopped. "I'm not telling it right." Taking a deep breath I arranged my thoughts. "I agreed to cars and college and to marry you and you agreed that we would _try._ "

He stopped dead in his tracks so that our bodies collided. Fortunately he grabbed me before I fell over him.

"Thanks."

He didn't say anything and when my eyes met his he had an expression that was baffling to me.

"Never mind. It was just a dream," I told him taking a step forward.

"Please stop, Bella," he pleaded.

Doing as he requested I turned towards him. It was if he sank into the ground. He looked as if my question had broken him in some way. That was not my intention and I had no idea how to help him except to go and to sit facing him.

"Why must you always ask the questions I don't want to answer?" he muttered to himself in a whisper.

Standing up I turned around, and stomped off. "Don't worry about it, Edward."

Before I could blink he was in front of me. "Don't go, Bella. Please. I'm sorry for my behaviour. Can you forgive me?"

The deep breath I took to calm my nerves was filled with his scent, which was the sweetest most appealing things imaginable. My body wanted nothing else but for him to hold me and to do that I needed answers. He seemed reluctant to give them.

"Yes. It's okay," I decided frowning. "It wasn't a good question," I told him taking a step forward. This time he stepped beside me as if we were walking a trail together.

"No, Bella. It's not only a good question; it's a fair question. It's just also a hard question, for me. I'm afraid to say something that will make you feel like I'm pressuring you in anyway, which is the last thing I want to do. You see with my gift I'm used to hearing people's questions before they ask them so usually I have time to prepare the answer. With you I don't. And you seem to always manage to ask the exact question I never considered that you would ask. It's a gift, I tell you." He smiled ruefully. "It's pretty much always been like this since we first met. I guess I'm not any better at being caught unawares."

A smile crept upwards at the thought that I had unnerved him. When he had first told me that he could read minds except mine relief and gladness had been my primarily reactions. I was still glad. Though, in this moment, how it challenged him had become clearer to me. There had been no doubt in my mind that my question would be difficult for him. That was why I had been hesitant to ask him and had wanted to make sure that we were alone. My mind couldn't imagine what it would be like to have a fiancée one day and then the next day she didn't remember. I felt for him, truly, perhaps what he needed was an explanation.

"Actually I wasn't asking about whether we got engaged or not."

"We did, though," he sounded immeasurably sad, although trying to mask it. After a moment he asked, "What was your question, then?"

"I was curious what you meant in the dream when you said that we'd _try_." My cheeks grew warmer.

"Oh." His face was deadpan.

We walked quite a while in silence. His features, glancing at every few steps, signalled an internal debate he was having. Whatever it was if he didn't tell me eventually, I would just ask Alice.

Our surroundings were beginning to change.

"Are we close yet?"

"Close." After a bit longer he finally said, "I have an answer for you, Bella, but we're nearly there. Would you mind if I gave you my answer once we're settled?"

After all my waiting, a bit more didn't seem like a big deal, as long as I got an answer eventually. "Sure," I told him beginning to grow excited. It was like part of me knew where we were and what would happen next. It wasn't much longer when the edge of the trees could be seen.

"Bella, may I make a request?"

"Yes?" I answered unwilling to commit to anything.

"Would you please wait here for thirty seconds while I go ahead. It would please me greatly to observe your reaction when you enter the space."

"Sure," I answered uncertain about why that was important to him.

Counting to thirty slowly once he'd moved off, I was stunned by my natural inclination to add the word Mississippi between the first ten numbers, yet the reason for doing so would not come to me. When my counting was complete I walked in the direction he had gone. Clearing the tree line in front of me was my meadow exactly as it was imprinted in my brain revealing itself in the most exquisite fashion. Except in my memory it didn't have Edward, the epitome of beauty, standing in it smiling from ear to ear. I froze with my mouth open wide.

"Bella, Bella?" I heard him calling but it was as if he were far away.

He ran to me like a track runner but more gracefully. He took both of my hands and placed it in his. "Bella, please, come back to me." His voice pleaded with a wanting and a fear that I had never heard from him before.

Unable to answer, as my mind attempted to reconcile this information, I just stood in awe.

"Bella, please," I heard him call again even more urgently this time.

Blinking in rapid secession "Is it real?" I finally uttered beyond belief.

"Yes, Bella, the meadow is real." He sounded concerned.

My eyes met his. They were filled with worry and apprehension as well as an unnameable yearning. "Edward, I've been here before. This is my meadow. This is where I decided to follow your voice, but you were too quick, so I followed another sound and then I was in the hospital with Carlisle checking in on me."

"You tried to follow me?" he asked astonished.

"Yeah, but you'd talk so fast it was like a bullet train and then you'd be gone. I asked you to slow down, but you never heard me," I explained.

He wrapped me in his arms. He was cold, but it set my body on fire. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I thought _you_ couldn't hear _me_. I didn't know. Please forgive me. Each time I just went to go home, but I was going to come back the next day." He seemed to realize our proximity and back up, but stared down into my eyes. "Then when Carlisle showed me in his thoughts that you didn't remember anything I was so scared that I had lost you forever. I couldn't handle that idea and so I withdrew into myself. That was my state as you found me. I have behaved irreproachably. I am so sorry, Bella. I should have had greater faith in us. I have failed you immeasurably in so many ways."

What to say in response was lost to me. It didn't seem irreproachable to me. He had been scared and so withdrew. That wasn't a crime of any sort. And we were getting to know each other again. If he was willing to let go of the past and accept me for who I was in this moment, then I would do the same. He looked at me rigidly like he expected me to give him some fatal blow. Perhaps he needed some reassurance.

"It's fine, Edward. You came every day. I remember. And yours was the voice I decided to follow out of the meadow. Let's leave it in the past."

He had this odd mixture of utter joy and deep sadness.

Not knowing what else to say, my eyes took in the meadow more deeply scrutinizing every inch. Unlike Jacob's beach, this was an exact duplicate of my memory. Edward must be right. I must have really loved this place. As my eyes traversed the space, the strong bubbly anything-is-possible sensation and then the sinking feeling that had been tinged with a end of life tone filled me. Perhaps Edward had the answers to those mysteries.

"Edward. Did I ever come to the meadow without you?"

He looked at me suspiciously. "Why do you ask?"

"Well in my memory, I was in this meadow, saw Jake as a wolf, and felt fear."

Multiple emotions flashed across his face. The last one was pain and regret.

"Yes. Once you were here alone when someone came upon you with the intent to hurt you. Jacob and two others from the tribe happened to be nearby, heard you, and dealt with him."

"Do you know his name?" I asked cautiously uncertain if I wanted the answer.

"Laurent," he spat.

Panic swept through my body at the sound of his name. Suddenly Edward's arms surrounded me.

"I got you," he told me.

I looked at him quizzically.

"I think you forgot to breathe."

Yes. He was right. Just the name had knocked the air out of me.

"I don't like Laurent," I admitted.

"No, me neither, but he won't be back. Don't worry."

Considering the certainty of which he had spoken, I decided that I didn't want to know why he knew Laurent wouldn't be back.

"Where were you?" I asked after some thought.

Indescribably pain etched itself onto his features. "I had left Forks. It was the stupidest thing I ever did in my existence and I will never stop demonstrating to you over and over how sorry I am for the pain I caused you."

He had caused me pain. Yes, I knew that. He caused me pain by leaving me. Yes. That explained many things.

"Why did you come back?" I had to know.

"The short answer is because I love you and my life wasn't the same without you."

Perhaps the dream about feeling empty had to do with that period of time, but it seemed like talking about it was hurting him, so I let my questions go.

He seemed to notice the change in me. "Shall we have our picnic now?"

I nodded not sure what to say. He had brought egg and cheese sandwiches with ginger ale, chips, and these little sweet things that were a mystery all with proper formal picnic ware. I imagined Alice helping him pick it out. He wasn't eating.

"Don't you want any?" I asked curiously.

"No, thank you. I'm fine."

It dawned on me that I hadn't seen any of the Cullens eat even once. Angels probably couldn't consume human food being eternal beings and all. It seemed incredibly thoughtful that he would bring me food when he wasn't going to eat any of it.

He seemed to be studying me before he asked, "Ready for my answer?"

I nodded my mouth full of food.

"See, it's hard to answer in part because it's difficult for me to talk about. Before …" he waved his hand, "… you very much wanted to consume our relationship and asked me if we would." My cheeks were getting warm. No wonder he took so long to give me an answer. Thank goodness I hadn't needed to ask Alice. "Being very old-fashioned, I very much wanted to get married, whereas you thought you were too young for marriage." Certainly, at this point, even my forehead was flushed. "So, we compromised." He paused and watched me carefully. "I'm much stronger than you and I am afraid that if we were to be _that_ intimate that I might irreparably hurt you, thus _try_. You promised to marry me and I promised on our wedding night that I would _try._ And with being my wife, you agreed to let me buy you a safer car," regret swept his face, "and pay for you to go to college."

"Uh-huh." Minutes passed while the information sank in. "Had we set a date?"

"No, not yet, but I imagine it would have been sometime this summer."

"Ah …" My heart began to speed.

"Breathe, Bella," he warned me.

I took in a deep breath.

"Calm yourself, please, Bella. It's all right. There's no rush." He seemed to pause briefly. "The truth is that things have changed. You getting hurt has changed us both. Neither of us are the ones that made that agreement. I can't say it enough: it's critical to me that you don't feel pressured in any way, not by the past, not by your memories, not by me. I solely wish for you to do what is best for you."

I looked at him disbelieving. If anyone other than an angel had said such an altruistic statement I would have never believed them. He was giving me a choice, and wasn't expecting me to be who he remembered me to be, which pleased me. On the other hand, it seemed like any relationship takes into account both parties needs and wants and he'd taken himself out of the equation entirely. I had no idea what to do about that, let alone what it might mean.

"Truly," he added as if I needed convincing of his sincerity, "I have no expectations of you in any way. My only request is that I'd like to be friends."

My breathing calmed. His words and given me space and reassured me that he wasn't expecting me to be who he remembered. My brain would not let go of his last statement. Friends, huh? That didn't seem like a bad place to start.

A possibility entered my brain. "Are you going to leave for college at the end of the summer?"

He looked deeply into my eyes. "I'm not going anywhere."

Right then my only thought was how to draw closer to him and press my lips against his. Yet I didn't dare. He kept this polite respectful distance between us and given what he just said, I didn't want to ask him to do something he wouldn't be comfortable with.

Instead, full of picnic food I laid down in the grass like how I had done in my memory and stared at the cloudy sky.

Edward didn't take his eyes off of me.

"Tell me something about yourself, Edward," I suggested.

It took him a few moments as if he was choosing his words carefully. It seemed unusual for him. "Carlisle and Esme are not my birth parents. My birth parents died many years ago in Chicago. Carlisle was their, as well as my, attending physician. After they both had passed he decided to make me a Cullen. It was a difficult adjustment for both of us, but eventually we managed quite well just the two of us."

I failed in my attempt to imagine Edward's family with just him and Carlisle.

"A few years later he encountered Esme. They had already met once before when he had treated her for a broken leg when she was sixteen. She became a Cullen. It was obvious from the beginning that they were infatuated with one another. It took Carlisle a while to get the nerve to court Esme, but eventually he did and shortly after they got married. It changed things quite a bit in our household having a lady living with us." He smiled.

Imagining adding wonderful, loving Esme to a house with two bachelors seemed comical almost. There was no doubt that she really had changed things.

"Esme is an amazing artist and when we move she loves to buy an old house and work on it. She has a gift. Lots of things changed with her being added to our household." He smiled again probably at a memory.

I wanted him to tell me the memory he was remembering, but he seemed hesitant as he spoke, so let my wishful thinking go.

"Rosalie became a Cullen next, then Emmett. Rosalie and I have had a tumultuous relationship from the beginning. Don't take her personally. Emmett is the best thing Rosalie ever did. She found him in the woods hurt and brought him to Carlisle. I wondered in the beginning if they would leave our family, but they decided to stay. He has brought a lot of laughter to our household." This time he was smiling crookedly and his eyes were laughing like remembering some joke or prank.

"Then Alice and Jasper joined. They showed up together one day. Alice said she had a vision of us together and wanted to know where she should move in. Emmett and I weren't home at the time, so when we came back I found my stuff in the garage and them in my room." He smiled broadly. "Them moving in has been worth it."

The way he told the story made it seem timeless, like it could have happened one hundred years ago. Something in his telling reminded me of the timelessness in Jacob's stories. Jacob had called the monsters in his stories cold ones and the Cullens were cold to the touch, but I dismissed my silly connection immediately. The Cullens were nothing like the creatures Jacob had described. They weren't killers; they didn't come in and massacre whole towns; they didn't have red eyes; they lived in peace; they didn't hurt anyone; and Esme and Carlisle had told me they considered me their daughter. Cold ones couldn't love a human. That made no sense. No matter the similarities to the creatures in Jacob's stories the Cullens were angels. Perhaps it was simply that immortal beings were of a similar temperature.

A few hours later Edward pointed out that we needed time to hike back down. We packed up the picnic and headed back to the car. A few times his hand moved towards mine as if he wanted to grab it. My hand would do the same. It was that magnetic pull feeling. It didn't take us quite as long to hike back.

Standing there I had a sensation like something important was missing. As Edward was putting the picnic basket into the back he wore a sad but crooked smile.

"Want to share your thoughts, Edward?" I asked hoping he would know what was absent.

He looked over at me. "I was just remembering from before. I took you here for our first date. And when we got back to the car was the first time we kissed."

"Oh." I thought about that.

Did I want to kiss Edward? The thought was certainly appealing, yet the great time I had with Jake came into my mind immediately. The warming feeling Jake gave me wasn't like the current sensation or the magnetic pull with Edward, but still it wasn't nothing. Edward was unpredictable and tempestuous, but passionate and endearing. Edward, someone I had at one time agreed to marry, stood before me and I was thinking about another man. Guilt filled me, yet I refused to choose between them–my declaration of myself Switzerland came to mind. Time would tell me what my heart wanted. In the mean time I had a decision to make. Kissing Edward would make us more than friends. Did I want more than friendship? It was all overwhelming and very confusing. Eventually I realised that Edward was standing there watching me cautiously and closely waiting for my answer.

* * *

 _A/N: I can't thank each and everyone one of you for reading._ _Thank you dkjkaden for your comments along with Deirdre at Vintage Pattern Lending Library (vpll) who had transcribed "Needlework Magazine, July 1917" (isn't the internet amazing?) for the lunch options._ _Really? Could I ask for better readers? Thank you all again. Seventh round of povs done ... now back to Alice ..._


	29. Alice-Creating Futures

**Disclaimer: The reference to how Edward was after leaving Bella comes from Saudade by Haemophilus Leona here on FanFiction with her permission. And the reference to the 'family portrait' comes from Jessica314's story Tale of Years:1950 here on FF.  
**

Chapter 29: Alice-Creating Futures

* * *

Driving back to the house after dropping Bella home from our sleepover their heated argument hit me right at my hearing range. Rosalie was being the most vocal one, naturally, and Carlisle was attempting to reason with her, of course. When I walked in the family, except Edward, were waiting for me in the living room.

Eying them suspiciously "What did I do now?" I teased trying to lighten the tense mood, despite Jazz's gift working to calm tempers.

"It's Edward," Esme breathed sadly while Rosalie spat the same words.

Looking at all of them Jazz was already at my side.

"He is in the same sitting position rocking that he was after you were able to bring him to us," Carlisle explained. "The rhythm is even the exact same."

"I thought he was going hunting with you, Carlisle," I pointed out confused.

"He collapsed into that state as soon as your mind was out of range I'd say," Carlisle postulated.

"So, as soon as he didn't have a link to Bella anymore," Esme said agasp.

"Why didn't he just run with us and stay near her?" I pondered.

No one seemed to have an answer.

"Cause he's an idiot," Rosalie muttered under her breath.

"Rosalie," Esme warned softly.

Rosalie looked at Esme like 'what? It's true.'

"Jasper, what is your gift telling us?" Carlisle asked at the same time that Esme had spoken. Then he looked over to Esme and mouthed 'sorry.' She smiled at him and nodded in acknowledgement of his apology.

Jasper answered, "Initially he was grieved, terrified, overwhelmed, and frustrated. He has shifted to sad, scared, and overwhelmed in a lost kind of way."

"What's your assessment?"

"That's he's falling into a depressed state again. The fact that there's some feelings means that he's reachable."

We all looked at each other. We were all concerned to some degree. Carlisle and Esme the most.

"Last time it took him weeks to come out of this state, we had no idea what triggered him, and then he just got up and left," Esme nearly wailed.

"Is this a pattern with him or something? Because if so, this is getting old," Rosalie bristled sarcastically.

Carlisle and Jazz looked at each other across the room as if she had said something profound.

"Is it possible?" Jazz asked Carlisle.

"Is what possible?" Rosalie growled looked at each of them back and forth.

"Is it possible that Edward is re-enacting in some way what happened the last time they were separated?" Carlisle explained.

"But last time Edward left, this time she lost her memory. Not the same at all," Rosalie scoffed, but there wasn't any strength in it.

Everyone else paused in thought, but Jazz looked especially pleased with this possibility.

"That means after this is a suicide attempt," I pointed out meekly.

"What is his problem?" Rosalie fumed her voice rising once more. "She's not dead. She's in Charlie's house alive. We just risked out lives _again_ to keep her alive. This is ridiculous," she raged.

Jasper sent out tranquillity and spoke with this hypnotic calming voice that was almost impossible to resist, "Rose, listen, I'm frustrated too. But Carlisle explained to us that the combined sum of all the research he has done since Bella's accident could be summarized in that human medicine doesn't know the chance of her healing. Sure, she looks like Bella, but I can vow to you that as of right now she is not Bella. Not the Bella that we knew. She has been changed. Perhaps unrectifiable. It would be an appropriate response for the remaining mate to implode. The details might be different, but the bottom line is the same: Edward perceives that he has lost his mate. And he has in a way. The tricky part is that he has someone that has a scent and body of his mate to cling to, which gives hope; otherwise I doubt we could have brought him out of his catatonic state. But at the end of day he wants his mate and she's gone."

"This is just ridiculous!" she seethed her voice softer. "We should have changed her," Rosalie muttered under her breath.

All of us held surprised expressions.

Then she looked up at all of us with a look like 'what?'. "I don't like it, but she already said she wanted this, and _not_ changing her, waiting, it's just too risky" she begrudgingly admitted.

"That was always Bella's argument," I added.

Everyone looked at me shocked that I would share this, but they needed to know. When it came to Edward and Bella, she was often the more sensible one.

"She believed that she was too much of a danger magnet to stay human."

"She wanted to be changed for our sakes?" Rosalie asked astonished all fight gone out of her.

"For our safety, for Edward, and because she wants to be with him forever."

Rosalie shook her head stunned.

"We need to make sure he doesn't run off or do anything drastic," Esme pointed out.

"First we have to get him to stop rocking," Emmett added lightening the room.

"Let me look," I offered looking at Jazz.

He nodded.

I looked at Carlisle.

"All right, Alice, go ahead," Carlisle agreed.

I stilled myself and searched the near future. There was a foggy possibility that looked promising. There was a slight chance of it coming to fruition, but maybe we could make that change through purposeful decisions. Most of the possible futures left Edward as he was. Focusing on the one that held some promise, I searched for a possible path to that future. When another moment that would lead to a positive outcome presented itself, I added it to my list. Over and over my mind raced through possible futures until a path to the outcome had become plausible.

When my eyes turned away from the future and to the present no one was there but Jasper. He radiated relief.

"What is that about?" I asked puzzled.

"You were gone pretty long."

"How long?"

"Longest ever-3 hours, 15 minutes and 42.8 seconds. You find what you need, June bug."

"Yes." I focused on the hope that I had felt when a possible path had come to me.

"Know what took so long?"

"I found the destination I wanted and then I had to find many markers to get to the destination."

He looked thoughtful. "Anything new?" He was radiating curiosity.

"No, just I've never tried anything so intricate before or with something so foggy." I shrugged. "I guess it took a while to find what I needed."

"Be careful, June bug. Remember what I said. You don't control the future."

I nodded remembering the conversation we had two nights ago while Bella had slept.

"Why did you give her a half-truth about James, Alice?" he had whispered too quietly for anyone else to hear his frustration and disagreement evident.

"When I had told her the truth she was so upset. I didn't want her upset," I admitted frowning.

"But her being upset might have been what she needed. You protecting her in this way might hurt her in the long run."

"I'm sorry, Jazz, I didn't look long-term."

"You don't have to look, Alice. You have to trust that she's a big girl who's strong and tough in her own way and won't be destroyed by the truth of her own past."

"Okay. Next time. No matter what. Total disclosure," I agreed but my heart was resisting the idea.

"I know it's hard, Alice, to see those we love suffer. But you were there with me every second while I transitioned over to animal blood. You'll know how to be with her if it upsets her. It'll be fine. Keep in mind that we need to win the war, not the skirmishes."

He wrapped me in his arms.

It was hard sometimes. My heart ached to fix everything and make the pain go away, but Jazz _was_ right. Bella's sleepover, that conversation, and others with Jazz had combined for me to find my anchor: choice. We were not fated. The future was not set. We were agents of our own choices. What my gift gave me was a window to see the outcome of choices. I still believed that some outcomes were more likely than others. Some choices were heavily influenced by outside factors, but still my gift was a guide, a map. It gave us a direction to head, but it was up to us to get there. We could neither take the destination for granted nor do too much to interfere with other's choices. After Bella's accident I was still leaning in the direction of doing too much.

There was a sense of freedom in my new anchor, but there was also fear. The idea that some things were simply fated had been a comfort to me. It was if my comfort had been ripped out from under me and my future and my family's future placed in our own hands. That meant that Edward could stop Bella from becoming like us. It was possible. My best guess as to why it hadn't worked before was that Bella had chosen to be like us, so, despite what he had wanted, her choice had trumped his desires. It was a brave new world and I hadn't decided if I liked it yet or not.

As I completed my sentence, Esme and Carlisle came into the room.

"Find anything helpful," Esme asked.

"I think so," I told them explaining my intended result and the next step.

"Should we include Rosalie and Emmett for this first one?" Esme asked. "Carlisle had asked them not to go too far and stay in cell range."

I checked the future.

Jasper sent me concern when I came back to the present.

Looked at him questioningly I answered Esme. "Didn't seem to make a difference either way."

"Well, since they're likely otherwise occupied outside of Edward's range, and you said it makes no bearing, let's get started," Carlisle decided. "Any idea how long it will take?" Carlisle asked. "I have day shifts this week."

Bring up the visions into my memory I answered. "The sun had risen. That's all I can tell you."

"Okay. Let me call in sick. I'll be right back."

Esme brought her hand onto my shoulder.

"Can you see how Bella is holding up?" Esme asked concerned.

"I missed everything that happened because I wasn't watching her," I explained and then went ahead and checked. "I'd guess she has decided to go over the dog's house since she blimps out of existence in the morning."

Emse nodded worry clouding her features.

Jazz sent a feeling of reassurance and some of hope to both of us. "Other than a damaged hand that she inflicted on herself, she's come back in one piece each time," he reminded us softly.

"It takes just one time, Jasper," Esme said contrite and then smiled at Jazz apologetically.

He smiled grimly and nodded in acceptance of her apology.

Carlisle got off the phone and came back into the living room. "All set."

We all ascended the stairs and entered Edward's room. Hopefully this would work the way that my searching had shown it would. If it did, we would be taking a highly unlikely future and persuading it through choice into fruition. For the first time my visions would be used to influence things more than just a nudge.

"What looked to work best is if you start, Carlisle, then we'll go round to Esme, then me, then Jasper, then back to you again and round," I explained.

We made a circle around Edward in that order with Carlisle across from me, Esme to my left, and Jasper to my right.

I thought of something. "Jazz, could you send to him our positive feelings as we go round?"

He wasn't thrilled about the idea. "Yeah, will do, June bug," he agreed anyway.

"Thanks." I squeezed his hand focusing on my love, adoration, and appreciation of him.

Carlisle nodded in thoughtful concentration. Esme looked pensive and focused on the task at hand. Jasper raised an eyebrow at me. I smiled.

Carlisle started. He told all kinds of stories of Edward, some that I had only seen through my gift before we had joined the family. He told funny stories and sweet stories. His stories reminded Edward of how strong he was and how much he had already overcome. When he got to the end he added, "We're here for you, my son. Together we can get through anything."

Then Esme told her stories. Her's included many of the moments when it had been just the two of them. She spoke about how generous Edward was, how patient and kind. She talked about all the considerate things he had done for her to make her wedding special. She talked about his music and how much his playing meant to her. She also added, "We're here for you," at the end.

I talked about how exciting I had been to meet him before he even knew I existed, and how great it was to have a brother as well as someone to share my visions with. I told stories of all the times together we had averted some family problem including the first Christmas we had together and finally got my family portrait. While speaking I showed him my memories. At the end I brought to mind Bella becoming like us, him standing at the alter waiting for his bride, and the two of them riding off with 'Just Married' painted on his Volvo.

"She loves you. We love you," I told him.

Jazz's stories sounded like great epic battles of them fighting side by side. He told stories of how Edward had saved him from slipping and different play fightings they had done. The story of James and taking him down came out sounding like two great heroes had saved the day. The last battle with the newborns was so riveting it was if I hadn't been there myself.

"We got your back," he added at the end.

Carlisle and I looked at Jazz. He nodded. So round we went again. It was on the fourth time round when Carlisle started speaking that Edward blinked.

"Okay, that's enough," he groaned.

We all smiled.

"We could have stopped anytime you wanted," I pointed out and ruffled his hair.

"Let's go hunt," Carlisle said standing up and offered his hand to Edward.

Edward nodded grudgingly. Esme went with them.

My poor husband looked like he needed some tender loving care.

"How long do we have?" he asked.

"A few hours." I smiled broadly.

"Well, then, miss, we'd better made the most of them." Then he wrapped me in his arms and carried me to our room.

When we came out of our reverie, music was coming from downstairs. I was worried.

"It's okay, June bug."

He sashayed his way over to the closet and grabbed some jeans and a shirt.

I smiled from ear to ear. "Thank you, Jazz. I'm sure glad you finally decided to show up at that diner."

"Was my pleasure, ma'am." Then he kissed me.

We went downstairs holding hands to find the rest of the family already there. Esme and Carlisle were near the piano, Esme behind Edward and Carlisle at the other end of the instrument, while Rosalie and Emmett were on the couch. We settled into the couch across from Rosalie and Emmett listening to Edward play. You can usually tell his mood by the music. This session seemed sad but optimistic. That seemed just right.

Time passed, but no one seemed to want to leave. This moment seemed so fragile. The way our family had been before Bella would be no more once she joined us. Hours passed and no one moved. Eventually he started the new piece that he was working on. When he got to the bridge he looked out at us all and smiled. Jazz sent me a hint of appreciation.

"Yes, I'm feeling better, thanks for asking."

We all smiled. Sometimes Edward being a telepath is handy.

"Yes, Dad, I think that would be helpful," Edward said with sadness and uncertainty.

We all looked at Carlisle.

He smiled guiltily. "I thought it might be helpful to Edward if we brainstormed with him on how to become reacquainted with Bella since it's the summer and there isn't the natural environment of school to aid in that process like there was before."

 _Good idea,_ I thought then worked hard at keeping my mind occupied.

"Does that mean you're committed to turning her?" Jasper asked neutrally.

"No," he muttered softly.

"But Edward," Esme admonished.

"I want it to be her choice," he pleaded.

Frankly, Jasper looked to me like he was going to bust a gasket. I had seen this look on him in my visions when he was with Maria. It was the second before he ripped someone to shreds.

"Edward, as a doctor, I've agreed to give her time. I believe that she'll enter this life better the healthier and more informed she is, but no one, not I or anyone else in this family would conceive of the idea of you not turning her. Alice and you promised the Voltrui. You don't make promises to them and not follow through. You will not risk our lives over this."

Edward didn't look surprised by this statement. Probably they had this discussion on their hunt already. Edward looked at Rosalie pleading with her. She looked down.

"Really, Rosalie?" he asked defeated.

"Look, I don't like it, but facts are facts. She's your mate. You cannot function, literally, without her. We've already had to bring you back from wherever you went twice in the last two days, not to mention that Bella and Alice risked their lives to save you in Italy. You mean well, Edward. I know you do. And you love her and you want the best for her. Staying human would be what is best for her. You're right. More than anyone, I get it. I do, but in this case doing the 'right' thing is wrong. Wrong for you, wrong for this family, and wrong for Bella."

"She might not choose me this time," he breathed.

"You're an idiot, Eddie," Emmett joshed. "She's your mate."

Edward looked like he was ready to lunge at him.

"You were engaged. She had already chosen you, Edward," Carlisle reproached.

"She's not _my_ Bella," he moaned.

"Maybe not, but she's still your mate. Your mate who this whole family is keeping in the dark for her 'own good'. She's confused and uncertain, but that's not surprising. You're right. She's not ready to be claimed, but she can be told the truth," Jasper said through clenched teeth.

It was a really good thing that Jasper had so many years managing himself and his gift.

"And we'll help you find a way to win her back," Esme encouraged him.

"You're meant to be together," I pointed out.

"Then what was all that about choice, Alice? If there isn't fate, if it's all choice, then she could choose differently this time."

"So, what Edward? You're just going to lay down defeated and let a _pup_ steal your girl?" Rosalie challenged him.

He barred his teeth and growled at her in a confronting fashion.

"Bring it, tough guy. You think you can intimidate me when you can't even win your girl against a 16-year-old mutt?"

Edward leaped at her and Emmett got in his way taking Edward's momentum while pushing Rosalie out of the way. They landed into the back wall, plaster splintering and bits of plaster dust and paint flying. Midair Edward threw a right punch.

When they stepped out of the wall Emmett had Edward's arms pinned to his side. "Better?" Emmett asked staring at Edward dead on, while the sound of the cracks in his jaw fitting themselves back together filled the air.

"Rosalie," Esme scolded softly. "Please."

"Yeah," Edward admitted the fight out of him. "Sorry, Em."

"It's cool. Good thing I can take a punch," he joked good naturally, but then his voice dropped and there was menacing and a threat there, "but don't you ever lay a hand on my Rose."

Edward's head dropped and his whole body sagged. He whispered something to Emmett, but it was too soft for me to hear it. "I'm sorry for lunging at you Rosalie," Edward said as both him and Emmett regained their seats.

"Forgiven. Now. You going to go win your girl back?" she asked deadpanned.

"Yes," he said sheepishly.

"I'm glad to hear that, Edward. So, how might we help?" Esme encouraged.

"Suggestions?" he asked everyone.

Jasper stared at Edward.

Shortly after Edward nodded back.

"I think you should take her to places the two of you have gone to before in hopes of her memory being triggered," Rosalie offered with a bit of gruffness in her voice.

"Thanks, Rosalie," Edward said.

"Girls like flowers and jewellery," Emmett offered.

Edward frowned. "Before Bella didn't like gifts of any kind. And although we got engaged, she doesn't remember that part. So technically I haven't even formally begun to court her, maybe, I guess." He frowned in his lost in thought way. He looked at Carlisle.

It was hard to see Edward like this. The first time that he was courting Bella it was new for both of them, he made tons of mistakes but they seemed to tumble towards each other despite themselves. He was propelled towards her while simultaneously struggling with his belief that she deserved better than to become like him. This time he wasn't fighting their connection, yet, somehow, he seemed even more lost.

"Yes, I think it's best to assume nothing and start from the beginning. Her memories might come back. If so, then things will move more quickly, but if not, then you've have something fresh to build from," Carlisle advised.

No one offered another opinion.

Emmett looked lost in thought probably trying to imagine having to win Rosalie over if she lost her memory. Lot long after he shook his head.

 _We would have never found each other if it had been up to Jazz._

The corners of Edward's lips rose and he looked at me.

 _Thank goodness we weren't human._

Then he frowned.

 _Sorry, Edward,_ I told him, but that didn't change that it was true.

He nodded.

Bella changing was still a sore spot for him, but personally, I couldn't wait.

He shook his head indulgently.

"Well, Rosalie's idea seems good. You just use those moments to get to know each other again. You're mates, Edward," Esme added.

After much discussion where us girls did the talking and the men listened, probably taking notes, Edward agreed to take her to his meadow. Somewhere in there Carlisle called in sick again to work. Edward taking Bella to the meadow had been the next step in this new future we were creating, so I was pleased.

"Of course, brother, I'll look out for the right moment to call her," I teased gently.

"If we're done with Edward's love life," Jasper said jokingly and then became serious, "we should tie up the loose ends regarding Dr. Whitaker."

"Yes. Agreed." Carlisle replied.

"Last time I was near him his thoughts were more focused on his daughter and was impressed with Bella. He hadn't completely given up the thought that there might be something insidious between Bella and I, but there wasn't conviction to it. He had entertained some thoughts of Jacob being the one that hurt her, but proving so would be even more difficult, so he was reluctant to pursue it without proof," Edward reported. His whole continence had changed. Here was the Cullen second-in-charge, the self-assured know-it-all that I knew and loved.

"The the mutt gets no heat?" Emmett asked.

"No, and from my visions Bella was unable to answer any of Doctor Whitaker's questions leaving him frustrated and everyone in the clear," I inputted and then looked over at Jazz.

"His emotions regarding Edward were more diffuse and had intensified regarding his daughter," Jasper added.

"She was right pitiful and sad," I pointed out.

Jazz looked at me wearily. None of our business he would say.

"Is there anything we can do for her?" Esme asked.

"No, apple," Carlisle relied sadly. "It's really their family problem."

She frowned profusely.

"Perhaps I might be able to find some way to introduce the topic and see if Dr. Whitaker would appreciate any assistance?" Carlisle directed at his wife.

She beamed. "Yes, that would be lovely. Thank you." Then she went over, kissed him on the cheek, and settled herself next to him.

"Are you going to go back to stalking Bella, Eddie?" Emmett jibbed.

Edward playfully lunged at him while Esme gave him a warning look. Then he looked at Carlisle.

I checked. "I see no ill effects."

"Do you think it'll help you?" Carlisle asked Edward.

He pondered that. "Yes," he answered hesitantly.

"Just don't get caught," Rosalie threatened.

Edward smiled at her. "Yes, ma'am," he said teasingly.

We all seemed to be agreeable for anything that would help Edward.

I ventured checking on Bella. She was home making dinner.

Edward got up and Carlisle went with him. Bella had slept restlessly. In the morning she decided to stay home. When I told the family so Esme offered to join them. Being around Bella, even from the shadows seemed to help Edward, as did it being just the three of them. They easily slid into the dynamtic they had before anyone else joined the family and it appeared to have benefitted Edward to have them to himself for the day.

"He'll need to come back when she starts making dinner so he can call her to invite her to the meadow," I had told Esme on her way out.

"I'll make sure he's home even if I have to pull him by his ears," Esme had promised jokingly.

Following their return and after Edward had showered and changed clothes Esme requested, "Will you play a bit more for us?"

"Sure, Mom," he told her from his room before coming down.

"Requests?" he asked us as we had all congregated in the living room including Carlisle who had the day off.

"Lindy hop," Rosalie offered.

We cleared the living room of all furniture except the piano. Edward played, we danced, and it felt like it used to be.

I checked on Bella and showed Edward the time the clock had at the most likely moment when they would be finished.

Edward smiled and nodded in my direction.

Right before the appointed time I re-checked.

As soon as the vision ended he told us lightly that there would be a brief intermission and then he called Bella's home number. She said yes regarding going to the meadow, and a genuine broad grin filled his face.

He looked sheepishly at us all. Then rearranged his features he went back to playing, but the music was lighter bouncier. It was the general time when Edward would have left to spend the night in Bella's room when he brought the music to an end.

"Bar's closed, folks."

He almost looked like post-Italy but pre-engagement Edward. Esme and Carlisle each embraced him and kissed him on the cheek before he ran off to Bella. We all sighed relief and went our separate ways as couples. Jazz and I stayed in the back-put-together living room sitting on the couch while I watched Bella and Edward tonight and then checked things for tomorrow. Bella's questions that she had decided to ask while they were alone really were too cute. We already had the picnic basket and accruements from other dates Edward had taken Bella on. Esme would attend to those details in the morning.

"Pleased?" Jazz asked.

I smiled. "Yes. I know your opinion on getting too involved, but I want Bella to become a part of our family, and Edward gets in his own way." I pouted expecting a rebuttal. The unspoken 'without us having to change her ourselves' hung between us.

"In this case, June bug, I think a nudge is necessary. Just a little, though." He smiled and sent me pride. Hopefully he saw my nudging as better than the alternative.

"Thanks, Major." I grinned wildly. Checking on Bella's far future again the image of her as a Cullen had nearly disappeared. The image that had restored me and given me hope was now foggy and grainy.

"What June bug?"

"Bella's not as sure she wants this life as she once was," I answered quietly frowning so that only he would hear. I began feeling despondent and overwhelmed, then shortly after guilty.

He looked at me sideways and sent me concerned. "Other's choices are not your fault, June bug. Why the guilt?"

"The visions were trying to warn me and I didn't catch it. Her course was set before and it seems that despite everything they have found a way to thwart their own happiness. How can I trust the strength of the visions of they don't stay like they used to? Before the accident Bella's change was as solid as you and I meeting. We need Edward and we need Bella."

Jasper pondered. The thoughtful and sometimes puzzled look on his face told me that he was evaluating the last few days while Bella was over and discerning if her emotions had changed at all while she was here.

"We should have just told her out right. I didn't notice it before because it seemed appropriate at the time, but she had been worried, concerned, and confused while here. She seemed to take everything so easily, but I suspect without clear information she's drawing conclusions that are influencing your visions."

My despondency weakened and guilt increased. "I owe her and the family an apology. I should have answered her question with full disclosure."

"Can't cry over spilled milk, June bug. Just next time she asks a question apply the lesson you've learned," he offered while he soothed my guilt.

"Will do, Major," I teased. "Nothing's set yet. It hasn't gone completely, at least." Then I shrugged. "I'll have to keep an eye on that when Edward isn't around."

Jasper nodded. He whispered to me very quietly. "June bug, you tell me if that vision grows even more unlikely. Carlisle's opinions and faith in a higher power guiding us or not, I'm not going to allow the Cullens to be destroyed. I will not permit Carlisle's higher ground and belief that the Volturi would listen to reason lead us into extermination. She had already chosen her path. We can deal with a difficult newborn and even the pack if need be. Nothing is stopping our forever."

I nodded solemnly not liking it, but sometimes Jasper's pragmatism was right. "Is that what you told Edward earlier?"

"Just about."

"I trust you Jazz. I'm with you all the way."

He sent me adoration, desire, love, and passion.

His cocktail made me smile. "You were great with Edward and the four of us, by the way."

"Yeah, well, if it made you happy, it was worth it," he grinned bashfully.

"It did, Major. I am proud of you." Then I kissed him passionately and forcefully, almost forgetting that we were not in our room. "Shall we retire to our boudoir?" I winked.

"Before Edward comes back, I need to you tell me what was different about your future searching this time and what were the possibilities that you saw."

I pouted. That wasn't exactly the activity I had in mind, but did as my husband requested knowing that he wouldn't be able to relax until he understood this new capacity.

"To shape the future, June bug … you shouldn't be weary about doing that. We have no idea the long-term impacts."

I scoffed.

"I know you want to help, but sometimes the bad stuff is how we learn. You can't take away the learning."

I nodded not liking his words wishing that I could take away all the hurt from everyone I loved. "So, what about Edward and Bella?" I asked playfully.

"Well, they're a whole different kettle of fish." He paused thinking. "You're doing fine so far, June bug. It seems like your vision rewinding is like the choices they had made got undone. That gives you some room to help them get back on track, but hear me June bug, no pushing things. Prodding and helping is one, pushing is not wise."

"Okay, Jazz." I looked deeply into his eyes. "You help keep me in line because you know me …" I smiled.

He sent adoration, acceptance, and joy. "Of course. I'll keep you in balance."

Then he kissed me, lifted me up, and carried me to our room. Perhaps my understanding of how the world worked had been upturned, but this new perspective came with more freedom. This change in the vision of Bella becoming a newborn hadn't undone me like before. I could trust in choices: Bella's choices, Edward's choices, Jazz's choices, and even my choices. Whatever the cost that would be paid, neither Jazz nor I would allow the possible future of our family destroyed to come to pass. He wouldn't want to do it, but Jazz could be trusted to go against everyone's wishes including Bella's if that was what was necessary to keep the family together. It was what had made him a great officer: he knew how to do the thing that was best for the whole no matter what others might think of him. I doubted it would come to that, there were many possible paths before that one, but it reassured me to know that the choice was there.

Edward came back in the morning asking Esme for help making Bella a lunch, particularly wanting to make it reminiscent of his era, and got prepared to leave again. Searching for what she would be wearing _Want to match again?_ I offered. Checking his decision once he was far enough away it pleased me that he chose to follow my advice. I rechecked the day. Bella had added some more possible questions. All of which were bound to make Edward feel uncomfortable. They were enjoyable to watch.

Coming out to the present Jazz looked at me with his eyebrow raised.

I grinned wickedly.

He shook his head indulgently.

Once Carlisle was in his study, I went to find him.

"Come in, Alice," he offered as I neared.

I opened it and entered.

"What can I do for you?"

"Well, I have been trying to find the best course to help Edward along regarding Bella. When he was at the piano he appeared in a way that is unknown for me. It seems like without the interventions of outside events, the van, the men in Port Angeles, James, for instance, Edward is approaching Bella as shy, awkward, thoughtful, and generously kind. It's different than the first time they courted. The combination of those qualities plus his uncertainty made me wonder if I was seeing the young man that was most prominent when you met him."

From the wisps of emotions that rippled through his face, I would assume Carlisle was accessing his memories.

"I didn't really see him in a situation that would allow me to make that judgement. At the hospital his interaction was with his mother, with whom he was none of the qualities you're describing, more actually of the Edward we are accustomed to, like when he gave his report on Dr. Whitaker."

I nodded gravely.

"Why do you ask, Alice?" he asked with his eyebrows up and a twinkle in his eye.

"Well, I'm just pondering if the accident has brought out a side in Edward we would have never seen before, since last time he was primarily focused on not killing her. This time he's lost in how to proceed, so I was hoping my gift could help."

He came over to me and put his hand on my shoulder. "Assuming Jasper is correct and they are truly mates, Alice, they will find their own way even without our guidance." Then he smiled wistfully.

I nodded as if agreeing. "Thanks, Carlisle."

"Anytime."

Going back to my room, "You're right, Jazz," I whispered to him.

He nodded gravely.

Jazz and I never left our room for the rest of the day. He needed solitude with me in it and I was glad to give it to him. When the Volvo come up the drive I must have been dripping curiosity. Jazz raised his eyebrow at me. I smiled back.

"At least everyone's close to the same page," he teased as he carried me and we settled into the exact position we had been in before Edward had left last night. Everyone else also came in from where they had been each couple taking a sofa while Edward sat in the armchair.

Edward came in beaming.

Carlisle beamed back at him. "So, it went well?"

"Exceedingly well."

"Come on Edward, the suspense is palatable," Esme chided.

He told us what happened generally, but it was obvious he was leaving parts out.

"Come on, Ed, when are you going to get to the good stuff?" Emmett asked jokingly.

"A gentleman never tells," Edward answered back grinning ear to ear.

"Any problems?" Carlisle asked.

Edward's face changed to sadness. "Not a problem. It was just challenging to answer her questions truthfully without giving away our nature."

"It's only been a week since she was discharged. Give it time," Carlisle said supportingly.

Jazz and I looked at each other meaningfully. Both of us assuredly worked to keeping our thoughts on that topic under wraps. Jasper's warning would have been enough. No need to tip the scales when it came to Edward.

"So, when's your next date?" Esme asked obviously enjoying being a nosy body as much as me.

"We haven't agreed on one yet." He smiled.

The family took that as our cue to offer suggestions. Whether we all agreed on the finer points of Bella being a part of our life the undeniable truth was there. Edward was happier and therefore our family was happier with her in his life. All of us wanted to keep it that way.

After a while he began getting itchy like he used to.

"Going back to her room for the night?" Carlisle asked with a raised eyebrow.

"She asked for me to return, actually." Edward answered beaming.

"All right, go then," Esme insisted teasingly. He jumped up, kissed Esme on the cheek, and sped out the door.

"Just like a crazy person," Emmett commented when Edward was out of hearing range.

We all laughed with relief. Life was beginning to feel regular again. Hopefully more drastic measures wouldn't be needed.

* * *

 _A/N: If you want to read all the sweet things Edward did to make Esme's wedding day special, my imagination is full of Miki In Blue Jean's telling in Faith & Love here on FF, which along with the other stories I've referenced can be found under "my favourite stories" on my profile page._

 _So, did I mention that I have the best readers ever?_ _Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading and your encouragement! It means a lot._

 _And now Edward ..._


	30. Edward–Twice Kissed

Chapter 30: Edward–Twice Kissed

* * *

Weeks had passed since Bella's and my date to the meadow, but the moments right before we had entered the car and had left that space would not leave me.

Seconds had ticked by as if they had been stretched out to torture me. After her "Oh" she had seemed lost in thought, so I had waited counting the seconds then milliseconds hoping that sooner than later she would speak once more. My intent, as challenging as it had been, given our status as fiancées just two weeks ago, had been to be cordial and chaste, to treat her as a lady should. She had read me well, something I didn't know what to do about, and I believed myself obligated to answer her truthfully. Each time words exited my mouth reminded me of the solemn vow I had made to myself, upon returning from Italy, to never lie to her again. I had broken it numerous times in the past months, but only when necessary, in what could, with hindsight, be seen as my vain attempts to protect her. My lies hadn't protected her in the end. I wondered if my half-truths told in the meadow were serving her. So, it was with those thoughts in mind, despite my chaste intensions, that when she had asked what I was remembering I had told her. Watching her deliberate made it apparent that she had become an even greater mystery to me. I could barely guess at her thoughts, my unbearable waiting only made more intense by this fact.

"Were you thinking about recreating that?" she had eventually asked teasingly with a cheeky smile.

In the seconds after she spoke it was if angels had sung. I had pondered if perhaps the Almighty really did love me and had answered the blasphemous yearnings of a monster and killer.

"If only the lady requests," I had responded in a light tone, but meaning every word.

Everything in my body craved her. It had been excruciatingly difficult to be so near her and not touch her. Helping her as we had walked had been euphoric, but not enough.

I desperately wanted to be noble and do what was best for Bella, but I was no longer certain that I had the strength to do so. My family had, as if in anticipation of my thoughts, thwarted every path but towards Bella. My feelings on the matter were ambiguous. Ultimately they mattered not in the face of my family's pleas to live, to not be hunted like rabbits by the Volturi hound and enforcers. I loved them. Although our bonds were unconventional, we had stood together, protected one another, and defended one another for over fifty years now. They had each put their lives on the line for me and for Bella. I could not betray them like that, yet I was still finding the idea that Bella must sacrifice her humanity to save us unsavourable. It was one thing when she herself was pulling me towards that end willingly sacrificing herself and her future. It was another to request it of her. I found myself unable to digest the reality, yet I could not deny that nearly every thought of morality, of righteousness flew away at her next two words.

"She does." Her bashful smile with blood rising to her face and increasing in tempo had only increased the deadly temptation she held, and for the first time since her release from the hospital the smell of her arousal had hung heavy in the air.

In almost an exact replication of the first time, I had walked over to her slowly deliberately giving her amble opportunity to say no, to change her mind. With each step I had measured myself ensuring that neither the monster nor the beast would make an appearance. When I had been within a hands reach of her I had paused and slowly, watching her for any hesitation, had taken my hands and had placed them on each side of her face securing her to one place for her safety.

"Please don't move," I had asked while the memory of our former first date played in my head.

She had nodded in agreement.

Staring into her eyes I had seen nervousness and desire, but nothing to indicate that I should stop.

Moving my face closer to hers, I had continued to monitor her. Her body had seemed to be in as much anticipation as mine increasing my longing for her. At each centimetre I had paused double-checking that she would be safe. Eventually we had been close enough that her scent mixed with the smells rolling off her had overwhelmed my scenes and there had been nothing left in this world but her. I had felt the warmth of her hands penetrate mine as if urging me on, but I had lingered in this sensation aware of the possibility that she might never permit me to do this again. Then finally, I had moved forward the last centimetre and her lips had touched mine. The sensation had awakened every cell in my body. The moment had surpassed any memory. I had missed her so much; I had missed feeling her lips on mine so much.

In the moment, I had needed more of her.

Her hands had been in my hair, like they usually had been when we had kissed, pulling, I could only imagine, with all her might. I adored how she nearly always did this to draw me closer. Her lips had moved and mine had moved around hers. It had been the most perfect bliss. Forever would never be enough time to do this. She fit so perfectly into me. I never wanted to let her go. The kiss had been desirous in a way that I usually shied away from, but nothing within me would listen to the voice in my head telling me to stop. My body had been enraptured and humming. The beast had joined in filling my mind with images of taking her in ways that were only meant for marriage combined with the desire to turn her. I had pulled back knowing, as she looked into my eyes, that they were black filled with the desire for her body and blood.

She had shivered in fear and I had instantly regretting the kiss. Of all things, I didn't want her to be afraid of me.

"Please, love, let go of me," I had asked with a smile in my voice remembering our first kiss.

"Oops," she had said shyly.

"You said that the time prior, love," I had told her smiling at her. "I should have expected your response. It's just been so long–"

I had stopped realizing as soon as the words were out that I had begun to do the very thing I had promised myself not to do–trying to force her to be the Bella I remembered. Carlisle's, Esme's, and my conversation on our hunt Tuesday had been difficult.

"Talk to us, son," Carlisle had instructed while he worked hard to still his thoughts.

"My Bella's gone and I don't know how to get her back," I had admitted the pain of saying such words out loud tearing into me.

Esme had immediately come at me and wrapped me in her arms.

I had held my mouth together tightly keeping in the sobs that wanted to escape.

Carlisle had placed his hand on my back in reassurance.

After a few moments we had pulled back from one another and she had looked sternly into my eyes.

 _You're right, Edward, the Bella you knew might be gone forever, but there is someone there who loves you, that wants to know you, and is waiting for you._

"How do you know Mother that the Bella that woke up loves me?"

"Because her first concern was for you then she risked her life to help bring you back. She's confused and uncertain, and that's understandable. But, Edward, darling, she loves you. Even a coma couldn't stop that," she had insisted while the images of Bella hooked up to tubes trying to get out of bed to find me filled her mind.

"Esme's right, son. You've been giving an amazing gift in a way."

I had snorted at him.

"No, hear me out. The first time you courted her you were so overwhelmed by not killing her that it was a constant struggle. But you've mastered that. Now is your chance to court her properly, as you would have done, if her blood had not sung to you."

I had to admit Esme's encouragement and Carlisle's perspective from that moment had helped along with many other things they had said. I suppose they had been attempting to 'knock some sense into me.' That phrase was certainly in their thoughts randomly while we had been together. Then, of course, had come my family's intervention. I was still finding all their inner voices combined loud, so I often tuned them all down unless they were obviously directing a thought to me. Whether I agreed with each of my family member's perspective or not I couldn't help but be appreciative of how much they cared about me and wanted to see me happy. After that kiss, I certainly was that–blissful actually. My only regret was my inability to measure myself when we had kissed. My body had hungered for more of her not less and it had been two weeks since she had been in my arms.

"I'm sorry. I have been too forward," I had apologised to her.

"You're fine," she had told me as she caught her breath.

I had smiled slightly at her statement. It had sounded like something she would have said before, which with past Bella usually meant the opposite of the phrase's intent. I assumed the same was true in this case.

Propriety had dictated that I step away. "Still, I shouldn't take advantage of … " I had started to explain, but the look on her face had stopped me. "Come on my minx." I had smiled fully at her, pleased that even after all that had happened she was still my minx.

We had ridden back in silence. I had, at regular intervals, taken in deep breaths revelling at each intake with the sensation of having her scent in my lungs. As usual, her rhythm had soothed me and had brought me to near contentment. Even her in breaths and out breaths were a treasure to behold. I had greatly wished to reach across the divide and to hold her hand, but hadn't wanted to appear too forward and she had made no indication of desiring such contact. Certainly my human mother would have chastised me for such behaviour before an engagement had been announced. The girl that had sat besides me wasn't the Bella I remembered, but after the day we had just had, I had been certain that I loved her. Carlisle and Esme had been right; I had been a fool. Scared, terrified really, but a fool nonetheless.

We had been almost to her house when she had broken the silence, "Will you be singing me to sleep again tonight?"

"If you wish," I had told her sincerely.

"I wish."

"Then I shall see you later tonight."

"I'll leave the window open," and then she had winked.

Since then, every night I had sung her to sleep and then had stayed until she was nearly awake or the sun was going to break into dawn enjoying the proximity that she permitted me, and like tonight remembered our kiss. After returning from the meadow she had no more memory dreams and a few days later I had begun to hear the pounding of paws and Jacob's mental insults and lewd pictures. Often he would remember in precise detail the great times he had with Bella. I noticed that she never instigated anything physical with him and never returned his advances. Not that she did with me either, but it gave me hope. As if a glutton for punishment, I found it difficult to tune Jacob out entirely. For his sake I was glad that Sam had given him permission to phase again, and I learned more about the pack and counsel politics than Jacob probably ever intended that I know, nevertheless I dreaded the hours he would appear. Over the last few weeks Bella and I had fallen into a comfortable routine of me in her room with her at night, transporting her most times when she needed to go to the hospital for her appointments, and a few days just spending time together.

As the weeks passed she occasionally spent a night over at our place when Alice invited her. The family had decided no more than one night at a time. Two days pretending to be human in our own house was difficult enough. I took her to eat at our first restaurant in Port Angeles. I took her to a cliff overlooking the ocean that we had been to one time before. She spent an average of two days a week with Jacob and would randomly need a day to herself. Therapy was going well. Most of her language confusion was gone now, her collarbone was healing nicely, her hand all but healed, and she continued to have flashes of memories.

It wasn't like before, though. She seemed to be holding herself back in a way that was new for her. Our family held regular discussions of her progress and our opinions on how to next proceed. As things with Bella steadied, our conversations became stagnated. The only exception was the mystery of how Bella was less clumsy. We could see how her body would begin to trip over herself even though she moved slower. However, she slowness also seemed to allow her to then catch herself before anything happened. These whole set of events, which happened faster than a human eye would catch, seemed to transpire all without her conscious awareness as her facial features never demonstrated any of the usual tells of when she would have gotten frustrated with herself. Although I was glad for her sake that she was steadier on her feet, I missed catching her. Ironically enough, her coordination hadn't improved a stitch, though. When I asked Alice about these changes in Bella, she just said to have faith, but refused to show me any future images.

I hunted regularly enough that my eyes didn't change tones too much and Bella never asked any questions about my nature. In turn I said nothing assuming that she would ask when she was ready. Bella and I regularly spent our time doing mundane things like listening to music and talking about the characters in her Jane Austen complete series book that is until we ventured into Romeo and Juliet spending most of our time deciding what Shakespeare meant. We hadn't kissed since that day at the meadow. Although we did hold hands occasionally, our physical contact was primarily chaste. If Bella wished for more, she never indicated so, and, being a gentleman, I did not bring the topic up.

I missed my Bella. I even missed her trying to wrangle my virginity away from me. I missed her arguments about becoming like me. The irony was not lost on me. I tried to hide my still raw grief of losing my Bella from her when we were together. Anytime I found myself thinking about my loss too much I would remind myself of my family's encouragement and Jasper's threat. Bella, my Bella or not, was living her human life, and that was what I had wanted, that was what I had fought for. Occasionally, she would ask me a question about a dream she had or a flash of a memory that she was curious about, but they were of the most ordinary things–what her favourite colour had been or did she have any friends apart from us Cullens in school. She got fairly close to asking about the inhuman world in which I lived when she remembered Jacob and I arguing in her lawn.

"He had kissed you without asking your permission first, and had not paid attention to your requests to stop. That was when you had slugged him," I told her.

"Yes, I remember you telling me about that in one of our conversations about my hand and collarbone."

"Right. Yes. So, you called me and asked me to take you to Carlisle to see your hand. I, naturally, was very upset at Jacob, and we got into an argument. I later regretted my inability to keep my cool."

"Were you jealous?" she had asked with a twinkle in her eye and a mischievous smile.

"Yes. I didn't appreciate him forcing himself upon you either." I told her barely able to contain my growl.

She had sat thoughtfully, but had then dropped the subject.

She seemed to accept me as I was without question, as she seemed to do with Jacob and my family. Our argument in the car back from Port Angeles on the day I had protected her from those scum was often in my mind, especially her insistence that my nature didn't matter. Sometimes I could see something in her eyes that suggested that she understood more than she was leading on, but whatever it was stayed securely behind the protection her mind provided her.

It was towards the beginning of September while I drove her to her cognitive therapy appointment when, as usual, she surprised me.

"Hey, Edward, do you remember that you said that you weren't going off to college in September?"

"Yes. I remember." Going to college, well, going anywhere without her seemed empty and pointless.

"Well, I talked with Charlie and evidently I have a number of college choices."

I hid my grin delighted in this topic. "Oh?" I replied fawning innocence.

"Yes, well, the schools have allowed me to defer one year given the medical stuff." She paused.

"Uh-huh," I put in hoping to encourage her to speak her mind.

"Well, I was wondering if you'd be willing to tutor me? Charlie said that you were in nearly all my classes last year. I like the idea of college, but I'm not sure I remember what I need, you know?"

I smiled. "I would love to." I loved the idea, truly.

"So, I was thinking that if you had your books and stuff that we could review what we learned. We could meet four days a week, one day for each class we were in before: English, Science, Math, and Spanish. I was thinking 9am-3pm, so I can become used to being a student again."

I jumped at the chance. "Where would be most helpful to start, do you think?" I began thinking of all the materials I would need, that she would need, and Alice probably already having fun ordering and shopping for all the things to help Bella with this.

"The beginning? Then we can skip parts if I remember them."

"Can I still have a day to take you some place?"

She considered that. "Yes, I think that would be agreeable." Then she giggled at her own playfulness of being formal.

I cannot describe what her speaking in such a manner did my loins. I had been transported momentarily to my era and I was staring at the exact creature I would have courted, brought home to my parents, and even defiled my father, if need, to marry.

I fell in love with this Bella even more.

After that conversation began our new routine. I saw her at least five days a week. It was nice to have the work as conversation between us. I still called Renée once a week and gave her an update until Bella finally asked about email and I showed her how to do that.

Bella's birthday came, we convinced Alice to have a small affair, and invited over some of Bella's friends. Billy and Jacob came, Sue and Seth came, Charlie came, Ben and Angela had to leave that weekend for college so were unable to attend but sent their regards, and Renée said she couldn't come.

Thanksgiving came and we proposed to fly Renée out, thankfully she took us up on our offer and stayed in Port Angeles with Phil. Bella, Charlie, Jacob, Sue, Billy, Seth, and Leah celebrated eating together and then Bella spent the next three days with Renée. Often other family members joined me in guarding Bella from afar. Afterwards Bella had seemed unusually discombobulated and would mumble the strangest things under her breath. Other than Renée being forgetful of Bella's accident, I never noticed anything untoward, so I didn't know what Bella's mumblings meant. It was certainly a topic of family conversation.

Christmas came and, thankfully, Renée declined to come out. Bella spent the morning at home, and then she and Charlie came over in the afternoon. Alice went way over the top, but there was nothing dangerous like crystal nearby. If Bella noticed that none of her gifts had wrapping paper, she never said anything. She seemed to not like the extravagant gifts, but didn't make as much of a fuss as she would have.

I took her to Port Angeles for New Years, Ben and Angela joined us, and we celebrated together. It was awkward at first since Bella had nearly no memory yet of them, but she seemed to appreciate their company after the first hour had passed. Ben and Angela, as usual, were incredibly kind and gracious, and great friends to her. And, as a bonus, her time with them seemed to spark little memory flashes like Bella addressing graduation announcements with Angela in her room.

Life went on. The weeks after her accident had turned into months, and slowly Bella seemed to grow into herself more. She wasn't the pre-accident Bella, but still. And I grew to love this Bella more everyday. Underneath it all, what made Bella my Bella was still there.

It was about a week after New Years that I noticed something new. She started to wear her charm bracelet everyday. I cautiously asked her about it.

"Yeah, I found it in my jewellery box," she answered nonchalantly.

It wasn't my mother's ring, but it awakened hope in me to see her wear my heart diamond on her wrist, even if the wolf charm was also there.

She never asked about it and I didn't volunteer afraid that it might result in her taking it off.

Then on January 19th we had just finished up some math when I was looking out the window thinking about that fateful day in Biology two years ago.

"What you thinking about, Edward?" she asked abruptly pulling me out of my memories.

Of all days to get lost in my head and forget to stay present in the moment just enjoying her.

I looked into her deep chocolate eyes that always righted my world. "Today's January nineteen."

She looked at me as if she were waiting for the punch line.

"We met for the first time today two years ago. I was remembering that day."

"Mind telling me about it?"

I smiled sadly. Although it was the second most pivotal day of my existence, it wasn't one that I liked to talk about.

"It wasn't my finest hour," I warned smiling grimly. She watched me carefully but her eyes were warm and inviting. "Well, you had been on practically everyone's mind since Forks rarely got new students, let alone the Chief's mysterious daughter." I smiled at her and she stared at me disbelieving at my adjective. "Then you came into the cafeteria and sat with some other juniors. You were talking with a fellow classmate when you looked over towards me and my siblings." I smiled at how much she had changed my life. "Before you all of us Cullens sat at a table apart from the other students."

She frowned possibly trying to imagine how things used to be.

"So, you were asking this other student about us Cullens and she was giving you all the gossip, how Esme and Carlisle had adopted us, how Jasper and Alice were a pair, and Rosalie and Emmett were a pair. Our eyes met and that was when I realized that I couldn't read your mind. That had never happened before and I was quite annoyed, so I dismissed you out right." I frowned. How wrong I had been. It was a good thing that the breeze hadn't brought her scent towards me in that space, although perhaps having my siblings next to me might have helped. "In the next class, Biology, you were assigned as my partner. Well, needless to say, I didn't do well with that. After school I actually ran away and stayed three days at my cousins place in Alaska. Eventually I realized I was being foolish and came back home, which then led to our first conversation because I was trying to remove the poor impression I had left with you."

Not admitting my desire to consume her was cowardly, but my shame weighed on me too heavily to allow the truth to pass my lips. I picked up her hand and kissed the back.

"I would like to formally apologize for my appalling behaviour."

I looked into her eyes and lost the sense of time and space. The only thing that was aware of was that her breathing had sped up and her heart rate had increased. I came to and watched her. She looked dazzled.

"You are forgiven," she said softly still trying to calm her breathing.

I smiled. Even though it was a small thing, it was an incredible experience to be forgiven by Bella, whether I was deserving of it or not.

Seven nights later she had a memory dream.

"Ow," she said surprised. At first I thought she might have hurt herself, but after a minute it was obvious that she was still asleep. After a few more minutes passing she muttered, "How did you get over here so fast?" Then later in the evening, "You were over there. You were by your car." The last thing she said before she finally feel into a deep sleep was, "I saw you."

I left at my usual departing time. As I ran home, I searched out Alice's mind tuning down everyone else hoping she held some answers for me. She was on the front porch when I arrived at the house.

"Any change?" I asked quaking internally of what this might mean.

"No. She hasn't decided anything yet," she told me while she internally hummed.

"Decided what?" Carlisle asked from his office. The microsecond his mind shifted from being primarily focused on the medical text he was reading to our conversation my telepathy immediately increased the volume on his thoughts.

"Today's the anniversary of me saving Bella in the car accident. Last night she dreamed it," I told him.

Everyone else stilled and paid attention to us.

"I see." He paused. "You'll be fine," he reassured me.

 _If she seems ready, you have the family's blessing to tell her the truth._

Alice nodded encouragingly. In my nervousness my telepathy opened up to all of their thoughts.

 _She already loves you, bro. No worries,_ Emmett said confidently.

Rosalie's thoughts were a strange mix of her human life, her life with Emmett, and her memories of Bella before. Not once did she think anything directed at me.

 _Don't worry, Edward. You two are meant to be together. Your love had carried the both of you this far, it will carry you over this as well._

 _You'll ruin things unless you're completely honest, Edward,_ Jasper warned.

I looked at Alice pleadingly as I left her to shower and change my clothes. Everyone had returned to his or her activities and I had tuned them out as soon as I had left Alice on the front porch. Alice's thoughts had been oddly silent and when I was ready to return to Bella she wasn't nearby. She and Jasper were probably hunting.

I busied myself until it was time to go back to Bella's for her tutoring lesson.

Upon arriving to Bella's I knocked as I had every morning, but this time I didn't hear her footsteps coming down the stairs. Her heartbeat came though loud and clear from her room.

"Bella, are you okay?" I asked loudly that the neighbours might have heard me.

I reached out with my gift to the humans nearby. None seemed to be bothered by me or had plans to call Charlie.

No answer from Bella.

"Bella, I'm going to open the door and come upstairs," I warned loudly.

Checking once more with my gift I found the spare key and let myself into the house, putting everything back the way it was. Once the door closed I sent all the thoughts around me in the background and using my ears allowed her thump-thump to guide me to her. Doing so fuelled the hunter inside of me, but everything inside of me shut down when I entered her room to find her on her bed with her arms around her knees rocking herself. I sat down on the rocker and waited unsure of whether she wanted me to touch her or not even though the distance was agonizing. After what seemed like eternity, but was a little more than an hour I couldn't take it anymore.

"Bella, please, talk to me."

For the first time she looked up at me. She didn't seem scared or concerned. She squinted her eyes and looked at me calculating.

"You're not human." It wasn't an accusation. Rather, it was a statement of fact like she was confirming something she already knew.

I shook my head no unable to meet her eyes.

"And good."

I thought about back to the cafeteria when she had insisted that I was not bad. At least some things don't change. I smiled.

"You don't eat around me. You're cold to the touch. You're very strong. Your eyes are golden and sometimes black."

"Yes. These things are true," I agreed saddened.

"You saved my life."

"Twice, three, well, maybe four times."

She looked at me confused.

I watched her expression. She seemed to be waiting to fill her in.

"The first time was from a van accident. The second time was from some men in Port Angeles. The third and fourth times were from my kind, but I don't count them since my presence put you in danger in the first place, but you always insisted they counted."

She nodded.

"You love me."

"Irrevocably. More than I can express."

"I was planning on becoming a _Cullen_."

"Yes," I answered regret and sadness colouring my tone.

"I would become like you."

I looked at her. "Yes."

She took in a deep breath. She watched me closely. "Kiss me, Edward."

"Are you sure?" I asked watching her every move.

"Yes. Kiss me, Edward."

I measured myself moving closer to her wanting her so badly. In many ways it was easier not to touch her. To have her close, to kiss her and not get lost in her scent was much harder than the polite gentlemanly stance I had taken these past months. I wasn't sure I could do it.

I looked at her imploringly. "Please don't move, Bella. I'm much stronger than you, and I'm out of practice."

For a moment her eyes looked confused, but then they were peaceful. She nodded.

I leaned in and pressed my lips upon hers. My whole body came alive. Every cell was throbbing and dancing. I wanted her. No, I needed her closer to me. While keeping our lips pressed together I lifted her and moved her so that I could get onto the bed. Then I moved us so that I was lying on the bed and she was lying on top of me. My hands could not stop touching her arms and back and hips, back up, and then down again in a large circle.

She pulled back, took a breath, and looked into my eyes. "Can I move now?"

"No sudden movements."

She nodded and moved slowly until she was lying beside me. Moving myself I faced her with my left shoulder on the bed. As soon as we were repositioned she started running her finger and then her palm from my left palm up my arm over my chest, down my right arm, back up my right arm, down my right side to my hip, over my hips, and back up. I wanted her so badly. All desire for propriety and chivalry went out the window. This felt so right, so exactly as things should be.

She placed her hands on my cheeks, leaned in and kissed me. This kiss was wanting and hungry. I explored her lips with my tongue. Then she opened her mouth and breathed her scent into me. I was on fire from passion and desire and love and wanting. I could feel the last holdovers of self-control slipping. I carefully grabbed her hands and lifted them from my face. "Careful, love."

Her eyes held the same desire that I was certain mine did.

"Do you not want me like that?" She looked like she was trying not to cry.

I wrapped her in my arms her tears pooling on my shirt. "You silly sensitive girl. Of course I want you like that. Every day I want more of you than I should."

"Then why have you never acted on it?" she asked talking into my chest.

"Because I never want to pressure you." I pulled her away so I could look into her face. "Because my beautiful girl I wanted you to say yes. Because I respect you and care about you and although I miss the physical proximity we used to share, it's not why I loved you. Because you're too wondrous to behold and I don't want to do anything to tarnish that."

She lunged at me. She grabbed my hair and pulled me towards her while pressing her lips and body into mine. I moved my body in the direction that she indicated. I found my hands unbuttoning her shirt. I grabbed her at her hips her soft warm skin melting in my cold hard hands.

I let go of her and flew myself across the room. I took some measured breaths, while my brain registered that I had not once before moved at my natural speed around her. When my eyes found hers she looked hurt.

"Did I hurt you?" I looked at her hands.

"Why did you do that?"

"Because Bella, I could very easily by accident crush you if I wasn't paying attention and right then I did not have enough control of myself."

"Did that used to happen a lot?"

"In the beginning. Like I said, I'm out of practice."

She measured my response. "Can you come and lay on my bed?"

"Yes, but no sudden movements."

She nodded.

I lay down again.

This time she put her head on my arm and her left arm over my torso.

"So, did we used to practise a lot?"

"Yes. We kissed a lot and would lay like this near each other." I smiled. "But you were always pushing for more."

"Thus your promise to _try_."

"Yes, I had promised that."

She lay there a long time. "Are there many of your kind?" she finally asked.

"No, not many."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"There are rules. And there are enforcers of the rules, the Volturi. It's against the rules for a human to know about our kind. If a human knows, then usually they and those that broke the rules are killed."

"Esme? Carlisle? Alice? Jasper? Rosalie? Emmett?"

"Yes, them all, and me too. But last year the Volturi agreed to not punish us for my crime because it was promised that you would become like us. See, then, if you're like my kind, then the rule is no longer broken."

She took that in. "So, if I don't become a Cullen they will kill you all?" she finally asked.

"Yes," I answered solemnly. "But none of us will force you to do something against your own will, even if is at the cost of ourselves."

I left out Jasper being the exception to that. There was no reason for her to think badly of him, and I had no desire to explain why he felt differently than the rest of us.

She stared at me with her mouth wide open. "You all would do that for me?"

"Of course. We love you, but none like I." I smiled.

"Why didn't you _tell_ me?"

"Because Bella, it's not something to rush into and we wanted you to come to things in your own time. I promise we weren't trying to keep anything from you."

It was if I could hear the wheels turning in that head of hers. "Edward, if I ask you something will you promise to tell me the truth no matter what?"

I looked at her severely knowing that I would.

After a few long breaths I answered, "Yes, Bella. I promise."

"What do you consume to stay alive?"

"Blood."

She bolted upright. "Blood?"

"Yes, blood. My family and my cousins consume animal blood, but most of my kind feed on human blood."

"Human blood?"

"Yes, Bella."

"Those of your kind that you saved me from they wanted my blood?"

"There's a bit more to the story than that, but overall yes, that's right."

She stood up and started staggering towards her bedroom door tripping on her feet, but catching herself before she fell.

"Bella? You okay? Bella?"

But she didn't answer. She was beginning to descend the stairs.

"Talk to me Bella. Talk to me."

Everything inside of me wanted to put myself in her path and force her to stay with me, but Esme's warning to me about controlling those we love stopped me. Instead my knees buckled and I fell to the floor as she walked down the stairs, went out the door, got in her car, and drove away listening to her every movement as she left me behind. After all this time believing that one day she would say no to me, she finally had.

I have no idea how much time passed when Esme and Alice were beside me.

"Come, home," Esme spoke, but from far away as if she were on the other side of a tunnel, as she dragged me out of the house. Mindlessly I went with her, got into the backseat with her while Alice drove us home.


	31. Jacob–Back to Normal, Almost

Chapter 31: Jacob–Back to Normal, Almost

* * *

Since her release from the hospital, the last two days of Bella coming over and us hanging out had been great. She had seemed to have a good time, and had told me, as she had left, that she'd see me soon. That had all led to my expectation that I would see her today. I got up early, got ready, made breakfast, but she hadn't shown. I wished that I could phase already so that I could run over and check on her, but the council seemed to be taking their sweet time. I was beginning to suspect that Dad was dragging his feet. Why he would be doing that was baffling.

Dad came out of his room just as I was beginning to grow restless.

"Morning, Jake," he greeted me.

"Morning, Dad."

"Charlie called while you were in the shower. Bella is going to stay home today. She asked and Charlie decided to say yes hoping her being home will help her."

"Did he say anything about Friday?"

"No, just that he would call if he was bringing her over. He feels like she's doing better, so she might not need as much supervision. She's a pretty independent girl, Jake. Give her the space she needs. She's been through a lot. No one likes to be smothered, but especially not free spirits like you or Bella."

"Yeah, okay," I agreed knowing my dad was right. "I just enjoy her company," I let him know.

"I get that son. Bella's a good girl, and I know you care deeply for her, but, you know, she's not your responsibility and she'll heal in her own time in her own way. She's not a project for you to fix."

"Yeah, I know," I grumbled remembering a more forceful sterner version of this conversation when she'd spent all her time in my garage last year.

"Call Quil or Embry and hang out with them. With you being laid up, you haven't much time to spend with them. The three of you used to be as thick of thieves. Just because you all are growing up and are protectors now doesn't need to change that. Try not to break any bones, though."

"Sure, sure."

Dad was right. The only time since Bella had moved to Forks when she had spent nearly every day over in my garage was after the vermin had broken her. I had assumed that since she was broken again, she'd be here like that, but this was a different kind of broken. Last time her body was fine and her insides were broken. This time her insides seem fine, but her body was broken. Maybe one of these days Bella would catch a break. At least it wasn't like she was hanging out with the vermin or anything.

Both Quil and Embry had obligations in the morning, but said they'd stop by the garage if they got their stuff complete. For some reason I wasn't in the mood to work on the exhaust system, so I decided to work on an alternator instead. After lunch Embry showed up.

"Hey, man," he called as soon as he opened the door.

"Hey. You forget where I live? You haven't been by my place since the battle?"

"Seriously? You're going to go there?" he threatening jokingly while acting like he was going to lunge at me.

I smiled broadly. "Yeah, yeah, I am. What you going to do about it?"

"Why I ought'a …" and then he pushed me over having me fall into some tools.

I playfully pushed him back while warning him, "If you break any bones, who knows when the council would let me back into the pack."

"Ah man that sucks," he agreed as he flung himself into the bench seat.

"Yeah … want something to drink?"

"Yeah, man, what you got?"

As I went to grab him a soda out of the small refrigerator, I couldn't help but be glad he stopped by.

"Is your mom still giving you a bad time?" I asked him after he complained about how boring patrols are without the redhead on the loose.

"Yeah," he said glumly. "She means well. She's just worried about me, you know? The reduced patrols have helped."

"That sucks, Em. But I mean really? Do you want to trade places where your dad is on the council and thus controls your capacity to shift?"

"Um, I don't know, Jake. Getting yelled out and worrying your mom for no reason verses having phasing taken away as a form of punishment? Those are some tough choices." He had a huge grin on his face when I looked up at him with a scowl.

"Fine," I grumbled, "you win this round. At least you have your mom around."

"You went there? Really? Not knowing who your dad could be, having everyone guess at it, and your pack mates not really wanting to know, cause of the trouble the truth would cause the tribe totally trumps."

"God, Em! You need new material. That card's getting old. But fine! You win that round too. You didn't get hurt."

"Yeah, but you letting that leech get its hands around you, I don't know Jake, I think you have no one to blame but yourself on that one. Sucks. No doubt. But what went down was totally in your power." Suddenly his voice became solemn. "Bella any better?"

"Yes, no, I don't know, Em. She was here the last few days. Remember when the vermin and his posse left and she was a mess?"

"Yeah, like death warmed mess?"

"Exactly. Well, she's a mess again, but a different kind. Like she asked me point black if I'm a wolf, and I told her 'sometimes,' but then she didn't ask a follow up question all while having a look like 'sometimes' answered all her questions and she's good. I don't know. It's weird."

"Huh. So she's not pushy about being included and knowing stuff anymore?"

"Nah. It's like how she used to accept stuff. Like how she was cool about us being protectors, but in overdrive."

"Weird."

"Exactly. And get this. She comes over, spends a day here and it was like old times. It like she didn't even have the accident most of the day. Every once in a while she'd ask some question about her own past since she doesn't remember it, but otherwise, totally normal. Then, the next day I suggest we go to the beach. You know, show her something new. We get there and she claims that she was there before."

"Well, she has been Jake. What? Are you having amnesia now?"

"No, listen," I insisted. "When she was in her coma she had dreams to make sense of what she was hearing and stuff. So the day everyone visited her at the hospital she remembers it as the day that she visited First Beach or a close version of it."

"Really? Well, that makes no kind of sense."

"Right. So, we get there and it was like the first time I met her on the beach. I tell her the creation story and the third wife story and it's like we're getting to know each other all over again."

"That's just freaky."

"Yeah."

"How's the upgrade going?" Embry finally asked breaking the silence.

For the rest of the afternoon we talked cars and enjoyed hanging out. Quil stopped by for an hour or so, but really just to tell Embry that his mom was looking for him.

"Do you think she'll choose the leeches again?" Embry asked Quil after Quil had asked how Bella was doing.

I appreciated that they asked about her, especially since they didn't always agree with me being so hung up on her.

"I told you guys already. He imprinted on her."

"Seriously man? The betrayal. A swear you two are worse enemies than the leeches," I joked.

"Really? Jake? Leeches?" Embry asked as if he was offended.

"Seriously, man. Look at the facts. It certainly would explain how she couldn't function without him and then presto he gets back and she's cool again," Quil pointed out.

"The three of us already had this argument. No way leeches can imprint. Nice theory, but nah. I've got a plan to keep that from happening, anyway" I claimed.

"I'm just saying amnesia Bella or not, if she his imprint, then nothing any of us can do to stop it. I mean Emily tied to fight the imprint in the beginning. Look how far that got her."

Quil's logic was getting on my nerves.

"Get real," I contended.

"It's fate. How else can you explain Claire? I mean logically it makes no sense. I don't buy the 'improve our genes' crap. She's my world. I can't control it and certainly I can't do anything about it or fight it."

"Yeah, you and Claire are a mystery," Embry agreed.

"But don't you see. That's the thing. If there is such a thing as fate, then if we're today or 10 years from now, Claire would still be my imprint."

"What about free choice?" I asked.

"My choices are how I respond to that fate. Do I run away like the vermin and cause Claire a whole bunch of pain?"

"Now come on," I growled lightly.

"So, if I run away, we both are in pain."

"Are you saying the vermin was in pain when he was away from Bella?"

"Heck if I know, but if they do imprint, then his behaviour when he got back makes more sense. Just saying. Don't take a bite out of me or anything."

I glared at him while he continued.

"Or he could just be a controlling cretin. Moving on. See what I'm saying? I didn't choose to become a protector, but that was my fate. I didn't choose Claire, but she's my fate. But I get to choose how I respond. I can run away from my fate, I can fight my fate, or I can accept my fate."

"God, Quil. You think too much. Since when did you become a philosopher?"

"Claire."

We sat in silence for a while. He might be right about stuff like us becoming protectors, but not about Bella. Because if so, that might mean that my mom was fated to die. How could that be when it was an accident? No. Life was about choices. That person chose to drive drunk causing him to run into my parent's car. It wasn't fate. And Bella had choice. The vermin could choose not to kill her, not that he would, but it was a possibility. She would choose me. She wasn't fated, which means I just had to stick to my plan.

Embry left soon after and then Quil needed to get back home for dinner.

The next few days passes in practically the same manner except sometimes Quil came to hang out or sometimes it would be the three of us like before the pack. Despite how great it was to see them, each day I woke up wondering if that day would be the day when Bella would visit again and hoped that she wasn't spending her time with the vermin. Sunday, in the late afternoon, Dad found me in my room.

"Jake, the elders and Sam had agreed a meeting time to discuss the possibility of you being able to phase again."

Took them long enough. It had been seven freaking days since the Doc had medically cleared me.

"Sure, sure. Good to hear."

A few hours later Sam came by and picked us up. It looked like we were having it as his house. Apart from Dad and Sam, Sue Clearwater was also there along with Old Quil. A full council meeting. Great. Everyone sat in chairs while I sprawled out on the floor.

They chit-chatted and talked about minor tribe things while I tried to be patient. At least Emily cooked, so I could eat while waiting. Finally, Sam turned towards me.

"Jacob, your Dad said that Dr. Cullen gave you the all clear last week."

"Sure did."

"Any physical concerns since?"

"Nope. Healthy as a horse."

My glib attitude must have come through because Sue chided, "You're lucky to be alive, Jacob Black. You could have been killed or been a cripple the rest of your life. We're fortunate that Dr. Cullen was willing to treat you."

"Sure, sure." I averted Sue's eyes.

"We're worried about you," she went on a motherly tone coating her words. "The Cullens have given us no reason to believe that they would break the treaty. Doctor Cullen came onto our lands to treat you and behaved above reproach."

"Yeah, cause we have them vastly outnumbered," I mumbled under my breath.

Sam looked at me and shook his head no, while Sue continued obviously not hearing me. "The doctor especially has seemed to have gone out of his way to show non-hostility towards us. The cast that they made for you, for instance, was very generous."

I held my tongue while my hands started shaking.

Not another one. Our neighbouring bloodsuckers were taking the council over one by one. First my Dad now Sue. I don't know how they were doing it. I had to give them props for their mad skills, but it was enraging. How could it be that Sam, Old Quil, and I were the only ones left in this room to see them as they truly were–killers every one?

Sue looked at me wearily waiting for me to calm down. When my shaking was barely noticeable, she continued, "I'm not saying we should give them an open invitation to our lands and treat them as kin. They still are what they are, and their kind, no matter their diet or honourable behaviour, will never be welcomed onto our land."

Well, that was something. She might not be as far gone as Dad as I first feared. I shuttered at the thought that they also would win over Old Quil. But that would never happen. He was crotchety and set in his ways. The fact that the bloodsuckers might have two out of the four wasn't great news, though.

Sue went on, "Nevertheless how they have conducted themselves over the last weeks has been contrary to our expectations. Seth tells me that they even had a graduation party at their house full of humans and no human was hurt. In fact, he reported that they behaved as the perfect hosts."

"Yeah, well, they've had a lot of years to practice fooling people," I interjected unable to listen to this ridiculousness for one more minute.

She paused, pondering this. "Yes, that is true."

"I remember when they made the treaty with us," Old Quil said after the customary minutes of silence. "I thought Ephraim was crazy agreeing to a treaty with cold ones." He spit out the last word. "But even I now have to agree that he must have seen something in these Cullens that I missed. I would have never imagined being told that they were planning on standing alone as a family out numbered two to one against their own kind." He shook his head. "To choose to protect humans over their own. I never would have thought I'd see the day."

I stared at him with my mouth agasp. How was it possible that they had won over Old Quil? I mean he was the one on the council, apart from Sam, that understood the role of the protectors and the sacrifices we were asked to make for the tribe's sake. And he … what? Decided that because our neighbouring bloodsuckers chose to stick around instead of hauling ass that somehow that made them noble? It was incredulous.

He must have understood my look. "There's no love lost here, Jacob," he told me in a reassuring tone. "However, as a council we can't ignore these past few weeks."

As is customary, a few moments passed before the next member spoke.

"Your capacity as a warrior is without reproach, but I have expressed concern to the council about the mental element you bring to the pack." Sam looked at me sternly.

"Really, we're going to talk about me, when it was Leah's fault that I got hurt in the first place? Not to mention her _mental_ state," I argued.

Sam took a deep sigh. "We're not convened today to talk about Leah."

"Well, maybe you should be," I mumbled under my breath.

"Jacob," my father warned.

Fine. I succumbed begrudgingly.

"I understand and even agree with you at times with your dislike of the Cullens. No matter how well they have conducted themselves thus far, there is _always_ a risk to humans when they are around. They are not welcomed here while we have no say in the world beyond our borders. At the same time Jake, there is a distinction between the Cullens and the bloodsuckers we fought, namely that we have a treaty with the Cullens and you would be best served to abide by it. You have a tendency to think the rules don't apply to you. The rules of the treaty are there for everyone's protection."

I grumbled internally but said nothing.

After a few moments Dad spoke. "I have already said to each of you, but I will reiterate my statements in this gathering–Doctor Cullen has changed how I see his group. I, of course, wish that they had never come, that our boys hadn't needed to carry this burden, and that cold ones didn't exist at all. However, as they do exist, and our young men are charged with the burden of being our protectors, I think that it's imperative for all of our futures if we were to learn more about what makes the Cullens different and, if possible, what are the Volturi. Each side keeps its secrets from the other afraid of exposing vulnerabilities. From a strategic standpoint this makes perfect sense, but if we are to act together in the future, if we are to be allies not just on paper but truly, then we need to also act in good will. I need you Jacob to keep your beliefs about the Cullens to yourself, if you can do nothing else, to not taint the rest of the pack, in the hopes that we might continue building an alliance with them."

"And what happens when one of them isn't controlled enough and someone dies at their hands?"

"Then the treaty would be violated and we would be forced the act against then," Dad said heavily.

Everyone else nodded.

"Does that include Bella?"

There was dead silence, which grew oppressive.

"How is Bella?" Sue asked softly.

I frowned unsure about why no one answered my question. I knew this was a touchy subject, but I didn't expect the council to avoid it. Could that mean they had already decided she didn't count as someone worth protecting when it came to the treaty? That they'd allow the vermin to kill her without retribution? Some stranger in Forks we'd lay our lives down for, but not Bella? I couldn't wrap my mind around that possibility. The betrayal would be immense.

"She's awake, walking, talking, breathing, but she's not herself, well sometimes she is, but most of the time she's not. It's hard to explain," I finally said deciding to ignore the silence regarding my question.

"What does she remember?" Sue probed.

"Not much. She remembers these dreams that she had while in the coma. In one of them I appeared as a wolf. In another one the pack appeared as Phoenixes on First Beach. She knows who I am and Dad. But it's not the same kind of knowing someone. It's like her body is telling her one thing and her brain has too many gaps and she's uncertain about the information she's receiving from herself."

Sue nodded thoughtfully.

Sam and Old Quil looked sad.

"What have you told her?" Sue asked next.

"I told her our creation story and the story of the third wife."

No one seemed to object to this. "The order that I gave you when you first phased that you couldn't tell anyone still stands, Jacob," Sam reminded me sternly.

"Last time she guessed," I pointed out.

"Well, I have no problem if she guesses again, but no more legends, Jacob. She knows enough. It's in her somewhere. If she's meant to know about us then she will remember." Sam looked at me authoritatively.

"Sure, sure."

"It's the best way to ensure her safety, Jacob," Sue put in. "If she doesn't know about us, she's less likely to ask questions about _them_. Would they tell her?"

"I don't know," I told Sue honestly.

She looked at Dad.

"I don't know how Bella came to know the first time, so I can't be certain," he told her.

I tried to hide my sheepish look and Sam stared hard at me.

"I know," I admitted awkwardly.

Dad, Sue, and Old Quil stared at me. "Well, out with it boy," Old Quil demanded after a moment.

"Um, before I knew the legends were true, I told her Ephraim Black's story to impress her?"

The three of them shook their heads with a look like 'idiot.'

"Had I not told you to never tell anyone outside of the tribe?"

"Yes," I answered guiltily.

"Not this time Jacob Black. You hear me?" Dad said sternly.

"Yes, sir," I replied.

"And no pushing her, Jacob. You can spend time with her, but you let her be. Nothing beyond friendship unless she instigates it. Let her go at her own pace," Sue added. "She's been through enough. Got that?"

When did I get another dad and a mom on top of an alpha? I looked at my dad for confirmation of Sue's command.

He nodded at me.

"Sure, sure," I answered defeated.

That hadn't been my plan exactly, but if this was the cost to phasing and being able to protect her from the vermin I would pay it. It would make executing my plan a little trickier, but I was confident that if she and I resumed our friendship that she would want more.

"In that case," Sam's voice changed, "I, alpha of the pack, officially give you, Jacob Black, permission to phase," his tenor changed again, "with the expectation that you return as my second-in-command."

"No problem." My grin was wide.

I hated to admit it, but I had missed the pack.

Old Quil looked nostalgic.

Sue shook her head, and Dad was watching me carefully.

"Okay, if I go run right now? It's been a while," I asked ready to get out of that space.

"Sure, Jacob, but please don't go far and be back tonight at a reasonable hour," Dad instructed.

"Sure, sure," I called as I ran out the door peeling off my clothes and phasing.

It felt good to run. I ran a full perimeter check. I explored all the new scents from the fight, following the hoard that had entered the clearing and fought with the Cullens. Luckily with it being the summer, it hadn't rained heavily in the two weeks since the battle. The mist of the mornings had taken the strength out of the scents, but faintly they were still there. I could smell where our local bloodsuckers had stood with Bella and one of the newborns. There were claw marks in the ground from what I could only assume was the newborn. Perhaps it was the one that I had seen in my periphery vision before I was carried out. I wonder what happened to it? The scent ended, so maybe our neighbouring bloodsuckers had ended her after all. Why they would have her near them just to kill her anyway? Maybe they were waiting for the vermin to pick things out of her head. Not that much further away on the north side of the clearing were scents I didn't know. These must have been the ones I heard the pack talk about. I stayed in the clearing trying to imagine what was so different about these ones that had caused our local bloodsuckers such concern.

As I was attempting to figure it out, I heard Jared's mental voice enter the pack.

 _Hey, Jake, welcome back._

 _Thanks. Your night for patrol?_

 _Yup._ I could hear the hope that he would catch something. _Not running in threes anymore?_

 _Nah. Collin will join me later, and I just howl if I find anything and two or more join us. Sam wanted to give everyone a break after so much patrolling and training._

 _Yeah, makes sense._

 _What you doing?_

 _Trying to figure out why these three scents_ _caused our local bloodsuckers so much concern when the others didn't._

 _They're the Volturi._

 _We ever figure out what the heck is a Volturi?_

 _I sure don't know._ He chuckled. _Something that scares our neighbouring bloodsuckers?_

 _Sure smells like a cold one to me._

 _Me too._

 _The newborns didn't scare them and they had red eyes. It's not like their afraid of their own kind._

 _Well, maybe they are. Maybe they need our help to protect them._

 _Then why did they send us away? No that makes no sense._

 _Beats me._

 _I'm going to run up to the campsite and catch a whiff of the two that Seth and the vermin fought._

 _K._

As soon as I entered the space Bella and my kiss overwhelmed me.

 _Jake, knock it off. I really don't want to see that._

 _Sorry._

 _Uh-huh._

I tried to focus on the scents. I found the creator. It was clear now that the one Seth had fought as well as the ones we had fought were her creation. Her scent lingered below the surface of every one of the other scents. Most of the pack couldn't distinguish the nuances of bloodsucker scents. Maybe it was because when Bella had come around she'd have their scents on her clothes, so in human form I began making lists and categorizing them in order to know which of the bloodsuckers she was spending time with. In wolf form, if I was willing to burn my nose some and get past the initial disgust, there was a lot a bloodsucker's scent could tell me. Like the vermin, the docs wife, the blood chick, and the big one all had elements of the Doc as an undertone of their own scent. But the fortune-teller and one that trained us had nothing to do with the Doc or even the same source. And each pair's scents were always on the other like it was mixed in somehow but held its own. The vermin's scent never changed no matter how much time he spent with Bella, so I knew they weren't really a couple like the other ones.

The scents I had picked up told me that we had killed the creator and her creations, assuming we got all of them, hopefully she hadn't left any behind in Seattle or anything, but that didn't seem to be connected to these Voltori. Interestingly there were three distinct scents and only two of them had the same creator. I'd like to ask, but it wasn't like I was on speaking terms with any of those leeches.

 _Does it matter, Jake?_ Jared finally asked me. _They're all bloodsuckers anyway. Why does it matter if the Cullens are afraid of them? We'll still kill them the same as all the others._

I decided that Jared had a point, but it still bothered me. _I'm going to head towards home, Jared. Have a good patrol._

 _Here's hoping so_ and images of how he had ripped off parts of the vampires in the battle came to his mind.

I ran in the direction of Forks deciding I would check on Bella on my way home. When I got to her place, she was sleeping. I could smell the vermin. It was fresh, only a few hours old. Strangely I could hear him singing. It would be beautiful if you liked that kind of thing. It sounded like a lullaby.

 _What are you doing here, leech?_

No answer. I wanted to stay but I didn't want my privileges revoked and I had promised my dad I wouldn't be out late.

 _Don't kill her, vermin, or it'll be your head._ I imagined Bella dead in Edward's arms. It had a Hollywood-like quality to it, since I had never actually seen them feed. I was guessing, but I hoped it was close enough. And then me dismembering him. That part was realistic enough. I ran home.

Dad was still up when I got in even though it was late.

He nodded at me and went to bed.

Guessed I passed the test.

Most days I worked in the garage or hung out with the guys and at night I would run around Bella's unless I had patrol duty. The vermin never once answered any of my thoughts directed at him. At one point I began to wonder if he could hear me at all. He was there every night, but I began to see that he sat on the rocking chair and sang, never getting any closer to Bella. I saw Bella about once a week. We settled into an easy routine. Sometimes we might go to a movie or the beach, but mostly we hung out in the garage and told jokes. It seemed to me that our friendship was developing. True to my word to the council I didn't tell her how I felt or try to kiss her. She never indicated that she wanted physical contact with me, and I didn't push it. I knew it would be just a matter of time before she would initiate something, so I just bid my time and watched for the signs. The good news was that my plan was working. As an added bonus, every once in a while there'd be an opportunity to cut the vermin down a bit. And I warned her the best I could without breaking the treaty that they were no good.

Weeks passed into months. I started my junior year. She and Charlie joined my peeps for Thanksgiving. She seemed to enjoy getting to know Sue more and generally hanging out with the gang, but Bella still wasn't herself.

She and Charlie spent Christmas at the Cullens and they both were given extravagant gifts. Next time I saw Bella she was driving a Mercedes Guardian. My eyes bulged out of their socks.

"Really, Bella?"

"I couldn't say no. My truck's totalled, and even my dad said it would keep me safe."

"Well, yeah. I'd keep you safe in a war zone." I shook my head. "Mind popping the hood?"

"No." But she sounded disgruntled. After a few minutes she said back, "Help, please."

I smiled. I could never give Bella this, and the vermin was right, it did keep her safe, but what a way to make a man feel inferior. I found the lever and opened the hood. It was impressive.

"This is a _nice_ tank, Bells. And I have to agree with your dad. It will keep you safe. None of us want you hitting your head again."

I couldn't imagine how much this must have cost the vermin. I hoped it took a big dent out of his account and he was hurting.

It didn't take long to see that Bella didn't like all the attention I was giving her car, well tank, really, so I reluctantly withdrew myself from the hood easily falling into our regular routine. Other than the gift it didn't seem like anything had changed between Edward and Bella. That pleased me. I figured that as things stood I had a slight edging ahead of Edward, since I had never left her.

Then to my great surprise near the end of January Bella showed up in the garage without any preamble.

She looked like she was ready to tear something apart.

"What's wrong, Bells?" I asked gently.

Her eyes looked like they could melt steel.

"Bells, talk to me."

"What are not telling me, Jacob?" she asked through clenched teeth.

I panicked. I tried to calm down. I knew now would not be the time to turn into a wolf.

"Bells, I am lost. I need you to start at the beginning."

I figured that if she told me what she did know then I could wrangle my way around the order like I did last time.

She took a few steps near me and fell into my arms crying.

I held her enjoying having her close to me despite the circumstances. I pulled her in.

After a while I heard her ask, "Jacob, would you please let me go?"

"Oh, sorry." I opened my arms.

She took a small step back and sat down.

I joined her on the floor.

She wrapped her arms around her legs. She looked up and watched me carefully.

"Did you know that Edward isn't human?"

Ah. This was a good sign if she was upset.

"Yes," I answered softly.

I watched her reaction carefully.

She bit her lip.

"Why didn't you ever say anything, Jake?"

I looked down. "I was forbidden to." I looked back up.

Her eyes looked calculating. "By whom?"

"The tribal council."

She looked furious.

"And who's that?"

I looked down and mumbled, "My dad, Sue, Old Quil, and Sam."

Her face turned red. "Why, Jake?"

"There's a treaty. It could start a war." I looked at her pleading.

"Why, Jake, didn't _you_ tell me, even warn me? I thought you were my _friend_."

"I _am_ your friend, Bella," I pleaded with her to see reason. "See, I broken the treaty last time accidently. I couldn't this time. I knew better. I would get into a lot of trouble. I _did try_ to warn you. I told you I didn't think you should spend time with them. I told you there was more to them that met the eye. I _tried_ , Bella. Please believe me. I don't _want_ you to be in danger."

Her eyes narrowed. "Do you know what his diet consists of?"

"Yes," I responded disgust filling my tone.

She narrowed her eyes. "Is this why your tribe doesn't like the Cullens?"

"Yes," I answered definitively.

Her eyebrows came together. "Are you really a wolf?"

I inhaled. "Sometimes."

She nodded. She took some time having that look she gets when she's thinking something over. "Do you love me, Jake?"

"Yes," was all I could manage as I attempted to convey in that one word all of my feelings for her.

She had a far away look.

"You know, Bells, the day that I got hurt we kissed. You were on your way over so we could talk about it and decide what to do next."

We sat there together saying nothing. It was obvious from her expression that she was thinking some more. Then out of the blue her eyes lit up and had that look she gets when she thinks she has a good idea.

"Would you be willing to kiss me again?"

I smiled broader than I ever have. I didn't bother to answer I leaned into the distance between us, put my hand behind her head, and drew her near me. This time I had a better idea of how to kiss her. The kiss was more intense than our last one. She withdrew briefly to take in a few breaths. I took in a breath as well and then kissed her again. Each time our lips moved was deeper, more passionate and delightful. I used my hands to bring her closer to me so that we were pressed together. My hands explored her arms and her back while we kept kissing, while at the same time I tried to pay attention to any indicator that she wanted to stop. I never wanted it to end. The longer she stayed in my arms the more certain I was of her choosing me and us having a life together.

Then she put her hands on my chest.

I dropped my arms and she took a step back. She had the most twisted look on her face that I had ever seen.

"I got to go Jake."

"Sure, sure," I told her while I walked her to her tank.

So much that it hurt, I wanted to ask her when I would see her again, but I didn't. As we had walked to the tank she had been in some kind of mental turmoil and I didn't want to add to that.

As I helped her into the tank I reminded her, "I love you Bella."

"You've been really good to me, Jake. I couldn't ask for better."

"It was nothing," I blabbered.

"Well, nothing or not, I'm lucky to have you." She smiled then, but it didn't reach her eyes. In fact she looked more tortured than happy.

"Don't run into any deer," I warned her jokingly.

"Ha-ha, Jake. You're the real riot act."

"Know it and proud."

"See you soon, Jake."

"K."

At least she had promised me that.


	32. Bella-Torn in Two

**Disclaimer: The reference for Edward teaching an organist comes from Miki In Blue Jean's story Faith & Love here on FF.**

Chapter 32: Bella–Torn in Two

* * *

Leaving Jake's in shambles every part of my body, as well as my mind, was torn in two unable to make heads or tails over all that had happened. Everyone, for the exception of Charlie, but maybe he was in it too, had been keeping the truth from me, purposefully. That thought alone was atrocious. If being lied to and manipulated for seven months weren't enough, the truth was just as shocking. Needing a place to think I found my way to the cliff that, according to Jake, was the one I had jumped from, but maybe that was a lie too.

Despite my desire to get home, that proved to be an impossibility, because as soon as my car was a block from Jake's place, the tears came thick and heavy, and quickly I had become a driving hazard. This vehicle that reeked of money and privilege as well as Edward's incessant overkill of keeping me safe felt oppressive and irritating. La Push town felt just as unwelcoming as everyone and their mother would see what a basketcase I was. If driving had been difficult, walking to the cliff had been demanding. My eyes hadn't let up, so seeing was through a watery haze, and suddenly I had become clumsier unable to keep my feet steady under me. Hopefully this new development was situational and I would be able to walk back to my car in my customarily manner. By the time I made it to the cliff and sat down, hanging my legs over the edge, my hands were scratched up, there was grass and dirt on my knees, my hair had bits of things in it, and that wasn't counting my mental state. Obviously my mind was becoming unravelled, as I would have sworn on my walk up here that there had been two short howls, but that was impossible as wolves didn't ever come this close to the village.

It was as if I had become one of Jake's cars, taken apart, and my remnants lay strewn with only the most fundamental elements remaining recognisable. It was completely unknown if I had the strength or the capacity to put myself back together. It was terribly unfair. I had gone to my speech therapist and physical therapist, studied and reviewed all the things I used to know, and all for the purposes of getting on with my life. And it had worked. There were even pictures in my brain of many moments before the accident including of my childhood. What had all that been worth? The last seven months and all my hard work shattered in one answer, "blood."

As soon as Edward had admitted what his family subsisted on, and that except his family and his cousins, his kind consumed human blood, the images from Jake's story about blood drinkers, cold ones he had called them, had filled my mind. In Jake's stories cold ones were cruel cold-hearted killers who massacred whole villages for revenge with no consideration of human life. They were the stuff out of nightmares, and certainly _not_ angels. Carlisle was a _doctor_. He was the epitome of care and consideration for human life. This is why, when first considered the physical similarities of cold ones and the Cullens, I had dismissed it, unable to place the Cullens along with those horrifying creatures. Even with knowing the truth, that they were the same species, my mind could not reconcile the images from Jake's story with my inner conviction that the Cullens were angels. My mind and my heart were at war with one another. And the tears kept coming thick and strong.

I had told Alice and Esme on their visit in the hospital that angels and phoenixes had visited me. Then I had told Edward that he was my angel. I had been truthful about my beliefs. Why hadn't they corrected me? Why had they allowed me to go on believing they were one kind of creature, when they were in fact another? It was the cruellest of jokes.

Truthfully, though, none of that had occurred to me when Edward had spoken, as all rational thought had left me. At the time, my mind was in a whirl attempting to reconcile the reality of the man in front of me with the images of blood drinkers that had filled my mind. It was those images combined with the shock of the truth that had hurled me away from him, out of my home, and to the only safe place I could think of at the time, Jake's.

However, on the way my mind began to put the pieces of Jake's and my conversations together along with everything else since the hospital. The closer Jake's became, thus the most time my thoughts swirled, the angrier I had become. He knew the stories. He was the one that had told me the stories. Had he been trying to keep me away from the Cullens? Tell me the truth indirectly? Whatever his motivation, the reality remained: he had known the truth of the Cullens and had kept it from me. Even more, it seemed likely that he had, like Edward, known that I knew the truth before my accident. They had kept my own past from me, on purpose.

He was supposed to be my friend. What kind of friends did I have? How could Jake or Edward or Alice, really, claim to be my friend while keeping such a huge secret from me? Although some things were clearer sitting on the edge of the cliff than they had been this morning, the dominant feeling was the stinging wound of betrayal. So, I simply sat crying and thinking over what had happened.

Once the pain had eased some, more rational thoughts were able to enter. The individuals that had claimed to love me had not been honest with me. There was no refuting that. However, going back through things, realization dawned that they had never told me a blatant lie. Edward had been careful with his words, giving me false answers, Jacob just avoided the conversation all together, and Alice gave me rose-tinted versions of the truth. Nevertheless, even with Jake's claims that he was forbidden, how could I trust any of them?

Without doubt I hadn't been in my rational mind when arriving up to Jake's as my anger had turned to fury and had been impossible to hide.

Jake's words and pleading tone had soothed some of my rage, but when he told me that he had been ordered _not_ to tell, a different kind of anger arose. This wasn't the anger of betrayal, but of indignation. Jake had lied because he had been ordered to. His father, Billy, someone for whom I had come to respect and appreciate for his gentle wisdom, and Sue, a woman who was claiming Charlie's heart, who worked hard, and doted on me, had commanded Jacob to keep the truth from me. How could these people spend time with me, do things with me and for me, all the while betraying me? What was worse? Their betrayal or how they had forced Jacob to succumb to their will? How they did such a thing was still beyond me, but I believed Jake. The pain and frustration of his words had been written on his face.

At first his claims had seemed ridiculous, but the more he talked the more I realised that he _had_ been following orders and was being contained by forces beyond him. I could certainly empathise with being tossed around by forces beyond one's self. In that moment, the lies and cloak and dagger bull had worn on me. Feeling tired on it all, I had wanted all truths, so had asked Jake the question I had been avoiding for months because what the answer would mean terrified me. When he had confirmed my suspicions–that he loved me–I was even more confused than before. He loved me, but not enough to go against the orders of the council. I couldn't decide yet which reality was worse.

Jake had never asked to kiss me and although he didn't pressure me, I had known months ago that he wanted to. Upon his declaration of love a part of me wanted to give him the kiss he clearly had wished for. Selfishly, I wanted all this behind me, including the question of what had been my previous decision regarding Jacob and Edward. It hadn't been long since walking out on Edward in my room after our kiss and his admission. I had believed that perhaps kissing Jacob would give me my answer and would discover all the secrets in one fowl swoop. Certainly the kisses had helped in terms of giving me answers. Although sitting beside the cliff, I realised that my impetuousness might not have been the kindest thing to do. They both were owed an apology.

The kiss with Jake had been like his personality–familiar, warm, comforting, and sweet. The nature of our kiss on the day that he had said that we had kissed, the day my truck got hit by the deer, was still a mystery. Therefore, it didn't give me an answer so much as what my decision had been before, but what Jake was presently offering me.

The disturbing part of Jake and my prior kiss, if my math was right, was that I had been engaged at that point. Dumbfounded was my strongest emotion when thinking about the kind of woman that would kiss another man while engaged, the kind of woman that I had been. Whoever I had been, despite probable good reasons, the fact that couldn't be said about today pleased me. Yes, I had kissed them both, and felt bad about it looking back, but at least I hadn't been _engaged_. Frankly, it was possible that Edward and I were even a couple. He took me on dates and stuff, but he had never clarified our status and I had never asked. From this perspective, all the times when I had just let things go, had never voiced my questions, had never pressed looked cowardly. Perhaps Alice had been right in her pushiness. Possibly taking the lead a little wouldn't have been such a bad idea. The question was: what kind of woman did I want to be? A coward who kissed two men in the same day?

As mad as I had wanted to be at Jake, his only fault was obeying the requests of the tribal council. How upset could I really be with him for that? Jake was a good friend whose company was fervently enjoyable. He wasn't cautious around me like Edward was. I didn't feel fragile with Jake. And more valuably Jake hadn't hidden himself from me. He wore his heart and his life on his sleeve. It was something I admired and valued.

Edward on the other hand.

The kiss today with Edward had been beyond description, an improvement over our first one, which had previous seemed impossible. Frankly, as soon as my request for him to kiss me had left my lips, I had been certain he'd say no. My words were coated in my belief that he never had wanted to kiss again after our first one. During our first kiss there had been a moment that my mind had been filled with pictures of his lips on my pulse point sucking. It had been such an erotic desirous image, pulling at parts of me I didn't even know could be on fire, that a shiver of delight had gone up my spine, and I had hoped for more. The part of me that wanted to feel his lips in that position hungered for more than just his lips, but it was a furtive impression that despite my greatest attempts to pull it forward during our drive back to my place in order to better understand it had remained clouded in mystery.

Instead of him also wanting more, desiring more of that incredible kiss he had asked for me to let go of him and then had apologised for his behaviour going so far to say that he had taken advantage of me. I had been dismayed that despite the passion our kissing ignited in me that he had believed it to be something he regretted.

Then this morning he had said that wasn't the case. "Every day I want more of you than I should," he had said.

Yet never once had he shown the slightest indication of those words. All this time he had led me to believe he didn't want me like _that_. After finally accepting that I would never kiss Edward again and coming to a place of resignation, to find out that he had wanted me all this time and had never just _told_ me was infuriating. But Alice had known. I wasn't sure what was worse–that Alice had known Edward had been deceiving me and hadn't told me or that she had attempted to run interference for him by manipulating me. His explained reasoning was sweet if not terrible arrogant. Instead of just being honest, he'd been a coward and then had tried to use his respect for me to explain away his omissions and deceit. The worst part was that all this time Edward had lied, hidden himself, and done so in a way that was so convincing that I hadn't known how he felt at all. _And_ he had done it all out of some idea of not pressuring me, of being a gentleman when he could have just been honest. What kind of man did that make him? A skilled liar at least. It was a staggering thought.

Since becoming aware of his nature, assuming he was some sort of cold one, I couldn't help but wonder if the images of his lips on my pulse point were my mind's clamouring to be made a Cullen. Although I had no direct memory of how one might become a Cullen or what it might entail, certainly those hidden desires had something to do with it, in the same way that night of our first kiss, after asking him to sing me to sleep that I had known that he probably had spent every night possible in my room.

If him lying to me about his feelings for me weren't enough and that doozy hadn't been topped off with finding out he wasn't an angel, but an animal blood-drinker, whatever that made him exactly, the icing on the cake was the bomb he dropped that it was against the rules for a human to know what the Cullens were. While the council had forbidden Jake to tell me the truth, the Cullens were bound by rules where evidently disobedience required death. Edward not telling me for reasons of self-preservation would be irritating, but reasonable. However, the fact that their rule enforcers had been promised that I would become a Cullen and then he lied to me risking his whole family's life was the greatest monstrosity of a lie that I had ever heard of. How dare they!

Yet, this statement also confirmed so much. That first very confusing day at their house my intuition had been certain that they would protect me with their lives. This was proof. It was a relief to have my feelings fortified. Nevertheless, the thought of Edward's statement wouldn't leave me. They loved me, so much in fact that they were willing to die for me than to force me into something I didn't want to do. How to take that was beyond my comprehension. Why had no one said anything when each passing day held the possibility that day could be the day that they would be executed? Even sitting here looking backwards, I couldn't wrap my mind around that. It seemed bizarre to me. Why hadn't they just sat me down and explained? It was clear now that Alice and Edward had lied about my injuries. Why?

All else aside, sitting beside the cliff thinking made me realise what it meant to live in this world where the Cullens dwelt. It would be a world confined by ruled enforced to the death without, it seemed when Edward had spoken, second chances. I would have the Cullens, but would be set apart. There would always be lies. Becoming a Cullen meant having to lie. I would lie to Charlie, to Renée, and to others to keep them from being killed by the rule enforcers. The Cullens were obviously skilled at pretending to be human, and I would have to gain that skill.

Under my irritation and anger the betrayal stung deep, but what if Edward had been truthful when he told me that their silence had been for my protection. It wasn't Jake's world by far where the only consequences to him telling me were a bunch of old people mad at him and maybe being grounded. Jake had mentioned that him telling me might start a war, but that sounded preposterous. The Cullens might not like the Quileutes, but they wouldn't kill them.

If Edward and all that he entailed wasn't enough of a headache and my conversation with Jake wasn't enough, the fact that I had managed to kiss both Edward and Jake within hours of each other added another whole layer of complexity. What was apparent was that I couldn't keep both Edward and Jacob in my life. Choosing to become a Cullen made that plain enough. Yet they each had been good to me in their own way these past months. Obviously, as Jake had pointed out, before my accident I had been on my way to his with my decision, but there was no way for me to know what that decision had been. Maybe it wasn't the greatest of plans, but in the moment kissing them seemed like a good idea. Apart from hoping kissing them would tell me more about my past, I had figured that nothing was going to tell me what I wanted for my future better than a kiss. And the kiss had told me so much about who they were, how they treated me, and what my body craved.

Truly, other than they both being strong, they couldn't be more different. Not only were they each offering a different type of relationship they were offering me a different future. With Jacob I would remain human and he would be a wolf occasionally, whatever that meant. There would be little Jacob looking kids running around. Charlie would become a grandfather, and all the people I had met at La Push would surround me. Why I might have chosen Jake made sense. It was a more typical human life; it wasn't a bad life. Certainly it was a life that made Emily and Sue happy. The question was: was it the life I wanted?

The other was a transformation, to become something not human, to subsist on animal blood, whatever that meant, to become a Cullen. None of the Cullen women had children, and I had suspected for a while that they were sterile. At the time angels being unable to procreate made perfect sense. Even if they weren't angels, I suspected some of my assumptions had truth within them. Then there was the matter of Alice who had told me that I had chosen to become a Cullen. But one, my capacity to trust Alice to be fully honest with me was shaky, and two, the fact that my accident had occurred on my way to talk to Jacob made her declaration less absolute than how she stated it. Certainly in Carlisle and my first conversation in the hospital I had been certain of my wish to be a Cullen. If I had insisted, how long until they had told me? If I made that choice, would they have lied to me and kept me in the dark, even after becoming a Cullen?

If my complications with Edward and Jacob were not enough, then there was Alice. I'd enjoyed getting to know her and she was a lot of fun, but sometimes she grated on me. She claimed that she was my best friend, but had been lying to me all this time not to mention her subtle manipulations to get Edward and I to be more than friend. If nothing else, she had blatantly lied about how I got my injury on my right inside wrist. It had been a human blood-drinker, Edward had admitted as much, and the bite she said was from this creature's bite–a bite to take my blood and kill me. Carlisle and Esme trying to protect me some was understandable, it was the natural order of parents to be like that even if I was nineteen, but my best friend? Who did she think she was? God? She was certainly on my hit list.

It was doubtful that Rosalie would have ever agreed to tell me anything. She was cordial and never said anything directly against me, but she certainly wasn't warm and welcoming like Esme. That left her in more neutral territory by the fact that her silence had colluded with the lies. I wasn't sure about Emmett or Jasper, but they both seemed to do what made their wives happy, so I lumped them in with Rosalie.

As I began to consider the Cullens more as individuals rather than a group, Jasper came to mind. So many times on those first visits to theirs when I had asked questions Jasper had a look of disapproval or irritation on his face when Edward or Alice had spoken. I had assumed those looks were directed at me, but what if they were because he disapproved of their lies and half-truths. Perhaps I was misjudging Emmett and Rosalie as well. If I had summoned the courage or even the desire to ask, would _they_ have been honest?

Was there anyone in my life that I could trust? Not Jake and his friends, who would, no doubt, back him up or maybe they all were required by the council to keep me deceived. Not Billy or Sue certainly. Not Edward or Alice for sure. Jasper possibly, but he was Alice's husband. Would he be willing to defy Alice for my sake? Sure, we played chess and he would be in the open spaces with us sometimes, but we weren't particularly close. Had his distance had anything to do with my blood, since they were blood drinkers? Had I made him uncomfortable and he was too kind to tell me? My conclusion was that I didn't know Emmett, Rosalie, or Jasper well enough to make an assessment.

That led me to Carlisle and Esme. They had been fairly honest with me, more than Edward, Alice or Jake, but still not really truthful either. Carlisle had lied by admission. He never steered the conversation away or gave me half-truths like Edward had. Nor made jokes and then changed the topic like Jake had. He was much more honest and forthright, but even from the beginning he seemed hesitant to share more than I asked for. His words were always truth, although they took on a different meaning than when he had first spoken them. On the other hand, I had been the one to not press for answers. Carlisle hadn't been protective in a dogmatic way like Charlie or even Edward. It was that waiting for me to skin my knee and look up to him for comfort kind of way. Would he of been honest if I had pressed the issue? It was too late to have an answer to that question, but I'd like to think so.

Our walk in the hospital corridors came to mind. When I had asked him to become a Cullen, he never said what that would entail, but he did point out that the cost of becoming a Cullen might be heavier than I was considering. It had actually been that conversation that had decreased my enthusiasm regarding my request and had caused me to want to give myself time to look at all my options before choosing something that could not be undone. All while he had spoken, never once did I feel unwanted. No, it was more a sense that he wanted me to look at all my options and make the choice that was best for me, and his request that I do so came from a place of genuine care for me. His words and the sentiment behind them had fuelled my attempts to take his advice. Nevertheless, at the moment, talking with a man, any man, even if it was Carlisle, seemed like something sour.

With the thoughts of Carlisle and I in the hall of the hospital in mind, I reconsidered that odd moment when his gaze had been enraptured me and I had been powerless to alter my state in anyway. I had been stunned, but had felt safe. As he had held me with his gaze alone he had told me that I could become a Cullen, he told me I was welcomed, and he had insisted that these offers were not tied to Edward. Knowing now that he wasn't an angel, I wondered if his gaze held some kind of power. Did all of the gazes of the Cullens hold the same power? Certainly it would explain why none of them looked me in the eyes for long periods of time. With Carlisle I had felt safe, comforted, and wanted. Would the others have produced the same sensation within me?

If they could stun others … humans … and then there was that moment when Edward and I had been kissing. One moment his lips were on mine, the next he was against the wall as if he had transported himself. Did they have other powers that they had kept hidden from me? And what about how they acted around me? They acted human apart from eating. Had they been pretending all this time? The thought sent a blow to my gut. I had never once considered that they were human. The idea that they hadn't been their authentic selves, in their own home no less, was devastating. Why would they do that? This question spurred others. Were they even related? Family? Was everything a lie? These possibilities sent my mind into a thousand directions wondering what they might _really_ be like. After a while of tying myself into knots, I decided to set aside that issue for now, but the pain and guilt of their lack of authenticity wouldn't leave me.

Frankly, it was all too confusing. After much deliberation it seemed clear that I was over my head. They all lived in a world where I didn't dwell. At least anymore. If I had prior wasn't the point. Since the hospital, they had purposefully excluded me. That feeling like being a little kid wanting to go to their mother and tattle tell and complain about my sibling filled me, except I didn't have a sibling, so the feeling was strange. What I really wanted to do, more than anything, was to run into Esme's arms and have her whisper those words that had brought me comfort so long ago.

She, like Carlisle, had been hesitant with the truth. That first meeting in the hospital came to mind. Her love and care had come through clearly, but as I reviewed what she had said, like Carlisle, her words had been laden with double meanings. Without question she loved Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, and Edward like they were her kids. Was that enough for the words to be true? Perhaps. Certainly these past months word acquisition and precision had been important. But at the end of the day did it matter if they were angels or some other creature that consumed blood? Did the label matter?

If it didn't, then I could trust Esme's nature–a warm motherly figure who cared deeply about my well-being and welfare–like always. But where Carlisle was fatherly, looking out from afar, lovingly and concerned, Esme's words and presence soothed my inner storms. She seemed to have this ability to comfort me in a way that couldn't be explained. Perhaps she was what mothers are meant to be like. Flashes of moments where her looks had scolded one of her kids came to mind. That was what I wanted: for her to wrap me in her arms while she chastised the others for playing unfair. As the images of Carlisle and Esme came to mind, as upset as I was with Edward and Alice particularly and Jake running a close third, I considered that there might be even more things that had been kept from me. I dared to hope that there was a reasonable explanation for their deception.

My decision made I dried my face and spent time watching the ocean clearing my head and trying to calm my heart. When well enough to travel back home the path wasn't nearly as precarious and not once did my feet trip over each other, although I was slightly more unsteady than I had been these last seven months.

"You okay, Bells? I was worried about you," Charlie stated as soon as I walked in the door.

"Sorry, Dad. I had a lot on my mind. After Jake's I took a drive."

He seemed to pause taking that in. "Well, okay," he said reluctantly. "Hungry? I ordered pizza."

It was comforting how Charlie changed the subject when it came to these matters. He was easy to live with. After all these months had given me appreciation of him and the smothering feelings has dissipated. They were not completely gone, but most likely that had to do with him being my father and worrying about me at times.

"Sure, sure," I answered grabbing two slices. "Dad I was going to call Esme and see if she would have some time for coffee in the morning. Would that be alright?"

"Sure, Bells, you don't need permission."

It was nice for him to clarify that. Even after this time, there were still moments when I wasn't sure where we stood.

Esme picked up. My immediate response was irritation. Of course she did. Alice.

"Hi, Esme," I said attempting kindness.

"What a privilege to hear from you. I feel like we haven't talked in ages." Her voice was like being wrapped in a warm blanket and soothed me instantly. No matter what had passed she would be there for me. At least I hoped so.

"Thanks Esme." I paused unsure on how to express how much I needed her, how much she meant to me, or what I really wanted to ask of her. "So, I was hoping you'd have some time to get together just the two of us."

She was, after all, Edward's mother. She had been his mother much longer than she had known me. This almost convinced me to back out of my decision, but her words when we first spoke in the hospital would not leave me. She had insisted that I was her daughter irrelevant of Edward. This was the moment when I would find out if she was a liar as well.

"Anytime, Bella," she said in a way that removed all doubt that she would be there for me whenever and however I might need her. "I have a few nice ideas in mind. How much privacy do you think would be good?"

Right. Because this was all about a secret that everyone had kept from me. "Quite a bit, I'd imagine." My tone was hard.

If she heard my tone she gave no indication speaking as warm as ever. "In that case, I have this fabulous place I know in Seattle. Would that be alright?"

Just like before, she gave me enough space for make me feel comfortable and soothed, but also enough room for me to feel free to choose.

"Hold on." I turned to Charlie. "Charlie, would you mind if Esme took me to Seattle tomorrow?"

I waited for his answer.

"That's fine," he stated after some deliberation.

"Sure, Esme," I told her nervously uncertain that how ready I was for what lay ahead, but unwilling to back down now.

"What time shall I pick you up, darling?"

Her tone combined with the word darling removed all nervousness. She would keep me safe, but not smothered. I could go anywhere with her and would not be treated like glass.

"Edward usually gets here a little after Charlie leaves for work," I explained unsure of a time hoping my words would do.

The Cullens always had impeccable timing. Alice was most likely to blame.

"I'll plan on that, then."

With those words reassuring me there was no room to worry. Esme would show up at the perfect time. She would listen attentively, answer my questions, and trust me. It was odd to consider out of all the individuals in on the secret Carlisle and Esme seemed to be the only ones that trusted my judgement while still looking out for my best interests. No one else seemed to think that I could handle the truth.

Not Jacob, regardless of his claim that he was forbidden to tell me, whatever that meant, because, by his own admission, he had gotten around that before. He could have told me, but for whatever reason had chosen to follow the rules. Somehow that felt worse than Edward who was afraid to tell me and had insisted his silence was intended to keep me safe, or Alice who instead of telling me the truth had made declarative statements about the future. I always had a suspicion that Edward saw me as glass, but Alice. I had thought Alice knew me better than that. That realization was painful and, despite Esme's warmth, the feeling of loneliness that I had left the cliff with was still with me.

"Thanks, Esme," I finally muttered with no idea of how long she had patiently waited.

"Anytime. I'm _always_ here for you." There was conviction with her last words. It was a sweet reminder of her words on the first day in the hospital.

I hung up already feeling better, went upstairs, and closed the window hoping that Alice would see my decision and tell Edward. Sometimes her gift was handy. Perhaps it was cowardly, but facing him tonight wasn't within my capacity. After showering and going to bed, restful sleep evaded me.

In my dreams it was foggy, and in the distance Edward was barely visible. Every time I went to find him he would disappear. Then Jacob would come and say, "this way," but the moment I'd step in his direction he would disappear. I woke up exhausted.

Esme, of course, had perfect timing. Opening the door still groggy even though I'd been up a few hours was weird making my dream and the sight before me blur slightly. Her beauty stood in contrast to the simplicity of my surroundings.

"Ready," I declared walking out the door and locking up the house forcing myself into motion.

Being with Esme was easy. The silence was comfortable. There was no pressure. Suddenly a horrific thought came to mind. "Esme, is it difficult for you to be in the car with me?"

She smiled sadly. "Nothing unmanageable."

Reflecting on her answer and her expression I admitted, "I'm never afraid, Esme, even though the information in my brain says that I might want to be."

She reached over and patted my hand. "You've always been quite remarkable that way. You seem to respond to the quality of character rather than to what they are."

Yes. That made sense. "Esme?"

"Yes, dear?" She looked at me as if she didn't need her eyes to drive safely.

I considered saying something about her driving, but decided against it. If I trusted her to be in a car with me, I trusted her to transport me safely.

"Edward told me that if I don't become a Cullen then there's a chance that the Volturi will punish your family because you've broken the rules, but that nonetheless none of you want to pressure me into a decision."

"Yes, that's true enough," she answered sadly but with a firm resolve.

"Why, Esme? Why would you be willing to risk your life and your family's life for me?"

Of everything I had learned this was the most confusing part. There was seven of them and only one of me. The math didn't make sense.

She smiled knowingly putting her eyes back on the road. "I love you as I do all my children. I would die for any of them. My darling, I know you didn't know Edward before he met you, but you have transformed him. I would risk anything for one, but for two there are no bounds."

That made sense and caused me to smile. She really did love me. And she really did love Edward. I wasn't making her choose. Carlisle would probably say something similar, but what about the others?

I asked my next pressing question. "Why did you not tell me?"

She frowned. "Many reasons. You must be very upset at Carlisle and I. As ironic as it is, the greatest reason is love. We love you and we want no harm to come to you. We thought, perhaps wrongly, that it was premature to ask you to take on such difficult information. Carlisle and I, particularly, expected that eventually your brain would heal enough that you would discover the truth for yourself and were waiting for that to happen. We were concerned, given your injury, that type of information might have made things worse. We had assumed you'd be more inquisitive and ask much sooner than now. We believed, perhaps wrongly, that if you didn't ask that meant you weren't ready yet."

"But I had asked in the beginning. I had asked Edward and Alice. I got half-answers and false truths." My hurt and exasperation was no doubt bleeding through.

"Edward's always been very protective of you, sometimes too much. And Alice has a tendency to act according to her visions, so if she would have seen you reacting badly, then she would have picked something to say that caused a better response."

"But, that's stupid. No matter when I was told, it wasn't going to come easy. By that reasoning she would have kept it from me till my deathbed."

Esme chuckled. "Well, perhaps not quite not that long, but yes, it is a weakness of hers. Bella, we all are not perfect. Often humans see our outward appearance and assume because our skin in flawless, for instance, that we are flawless. That couldn't be further than the truth. I cannot tell you if Carlisle and I made the right choice in waiting for you to ask. We did what we thought was best for you and the family at the time. Alice's choices might not have served you, but she wasn't being malignant in any way. She loves you as a sister and didn't want to see you upset. And Edward demonstrates his love via being protective. It's overbearing at times, for sure, but his intention is not to treat you poorly in any way."

"And what about Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett?"

"Jasper is first and foremost a military man. Often he offers suggestions that goes against the morals of the family simply because they are the most pragmatic. Rosalie is fiercely protective of the family and doesn't trust easily. She was quite rude to you originally. Since your accident she has been more accepting, but the risk you pose is difficult on her. Emmett takes everything so easily and good naturally that sometimes he forgets the costs at stake."

"Did any of them disagree with Carlisle and yours decision to wait for me to ask?"

"Emmett, Jasper, and Alice all voted for us to tell you on your first sleepover."

"Alice? Really? Then why did she lie about my scar?"

"I don't know dear. You would need to ask her."

"And Rosalie?"

"You would have to ask Rosalie. It wouldn't be fair of me to share my wild guesses."

I doubted her guesses were wild, but appreciated her keeping Rosalie's confidence. Esme's words were hard to digest. On the cliff I had thought that Carlisle and Esme were most in my corner. That was the opposite of what she was telling me. They had made the decision for the family not tell me. Although the way Esme told it, I couldn't help but have the same feelings I always did with her–that she loved me and wanted to keep me safe in a non-smothering way.

"Esme, I want to say something and it not offend you."

"Go on. I'm thick skinned," she said as she smiled slightly as if in telling a joke.

"I can see how you and Carlisle were wanting to give me time to heal, especially Carlisle as a doctor, but at a certain point it changed from helping me to hurting me. The only reason I didn't ask was because of my confidence in my assertion that you were angels. I knew from the beginning that first time in the hospital that you weren't human."

"You did?" she asked surprised.

"Yes, Esme."

"You really thought we were angels?" she seemed in disbelief.

"Yes. You looked like angels in my memories, you sounded like angels to me, and you all behaved so kind and generously around me it seemed like a levelheaded conclusion. I had no reason to doubt it."

"Oh you sweet girl. I am no angel."

"You are to me."

"Bella, darling, I've killed humans before. It was a long time ago shortly after Carlisle had turned me, but I am no angel."

I had gasped at the end of her first sentence unable to believe my ears. "How?" I asked in morbid curiosity not considering if she may want to talk about this or not.

Then a huge piece of information clicked into place–they _were_ cold ones like in Jake's story, only they chose to consume animal blood instead of human blood, but according to Esme it was a difficult choice. The wind had been taken out of me.

"You all right, Bella?" she asked but her voice sounded far away.

Nodding I said nothing. A while later, after settled myself I turned to her and explained, "I just was surprised. I hope I didn't offend you."

"Of course not dear. This is why we waited. The truth is difficult on the best of days."

There was truth in her words. "Please continue your explanation, Esme. I'm fine now."

She looked at me evaluating the truth of my words before she continued. I guess truth and trust went both ways.

"The first years are very difficult for everyone. Everything is new and the urge to kill is at its strongest, so it is even more challenging to be restrained. We are merely well practiced, dear, but certainly not angels. Carlisle believes that the more time you have to heal, the more comfortable in yourself you are, and the more aware you would be of your choice to enter into our family, then the easier those early years would be on you. We could have, of course, turned you on the way to the hospital or as soon as you were released. You had already asked to be a Cullen before the accident and then, as you know, you nearly insisted with both Carlisle and I when you awoke. But none of us got the chance to enter into this life with our eyes open and we wanted to give you that chance. Perhaps it was foolish of us, but we didn't want you to struggle as we did those first years, and Carlisle believed our choice to wait would help you long-term, so we trusted in his wisdom and waited."

Like a veil had been lifted, their choices looked completely different. Yes, they had hidden the truth from me. They had put their lives on the line for me, yes, but also for the unnamed people I might have killed without them giving me these chances. I didn't know whether to yell at them or thank them.

"Has everyone killed a human?"

"Carlisle has changed Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, and I, so in that way yes. Rosalie killed seven men, but drank none of their blood. Emmett and I struggled in our early years and killed and drank from humans, him a few more than me. Alice and Jasper came to us already drinking animal blood, but hadn't always been that way. And Edward has never killed a human while he has lived with us, but he spent a few years away from us and did at that time."

My eyes were surely as large as saucers. The cost of choices, of their choices, of my choices took on a totally different meaning. Yes, they had deceived me, but what would have been the cost if they hadn't. My mind was struggling to imagine the painting she was making.

"Were each of you human before?"

"Yes. Each of us came into this life in different ways, although all of us that Carlisle has changed were at the brink of death, myself included. I had jumped off a cliff out of grief. Carlisle knew medicine couldn't save me, so he saved me the only way he knew how. I have a wonderful life. I don't regret his choice, but it's not an easy one."

Appreciating her truth I considered her words. "What's the hardest?"

She took a moment before answering. "Being separate. Not being able to fully be a part of human life and not being like our own kind. It's worth it and I wouldn't know how to do it without my family. But like all lives, some days are harder than others."

I felt myself enraptured by this candidness. "How so?"

"When you see others in pain. Not using my strength to punish those who hurt others. Holding myself apart when I wish I could comfort someone."

We were beginning to come into Seattle. Knowing Esme's loving heart I could see how these things would be especially difficult for her.

"Would you choose it again?" I had to ask.

"Yes, but you must know that my family was dead, my husband was awful, and my son had just died. In many ways I was dead already."

Watching her easily manoeuvre in traffic as we came into Chinatown I considered her words. My situation was far from hers. She parked the car in a fancy garage and then took an elevator up to the top floor while I traipsed behind her lost in my thoughts.

"Cullen," she told the receptionist.

The place looked as if we were no longer in Seattle and had been transported to China. The receptionist bowed and Esme bowed back slightly, then the receptionist led us to a room with large windows, low cushions on the floor, and beautiful wallpaper. Esme gestured for me to sit. Moving close to the window to enjoy the view, barely recognising anything beyond my thoughts Esme ordered some teas simmering in pots. After some time I turned looking back at her.

"Would you really take me as a Cullen even if I didn't choose Edward?"

"Yes, Bella, if that's what you wanted." There was no hesitation.

After a few minutes I asked, "Why?"

"Because you are my daughter no matter what."

Somehow that wasn't the answer I expected. Rather than responding I reached out and took a cup of tea that she had poured.

"Would you tell me your history, Esme?"

"I don't remember my human life well, but I will try."

She did. She told me bits and pieces about growing up on a farm, about her parents, about how she first met Carlisle, about marrying Charles out of a sense of obligation to her parents. Even the few sentences she said made her marriage sound horrible. She talked about getting pregnant and then losing her son and her despair. She talked about waking up after the burning to find Carlisle.

"How long have you been with Carlisle, then?"

"A while."

I looked at her pleading.

"I don't want to frighten you, and I wonder if this is a conversation best left to Edward."

Frowning I suspected that although she and Carlisle made the larger decisions that they had left a lot of the details up to Edward regarding me. Wasn't that part of the problem? They trusted him to do what was in my best interests, which made sense in a way as we had been engaged, but he seemed to prefer to keep me firmly bubbled from the world, which from my perspective was a part of the problem.

"Esme, please."

Our eyes met and something in her seemed to give. "More than eighty years now."

Pleased that she had decided to trust me to know what I could handle my eyes went back to staring out the window. After five more cups I turned to Esme.

"You don't age?"

"No, not on the outside," she answered matter-of-factually.

"How do you die, then?"

"We don't, not in the way that humans do. We can be destroyed, though, and cease to exist."

Looking back outside I had many more cups of teas.

"Is this about Jacob?" Esme asked breaking into my thoughts.

I smiled sadly liking how she seemed to know me so well. It was exceedingly comforting. "In a way, maybe. Mostly it was about feeling like I was purposefully left in the dark and not trusted with the truth. It felt like a cruel joke was being played on me at my expense. Everyone knew the truth but me. Now, I can see the error in my thinking. Carlisle and you were looking out for my long-term interests, and maybe even the council, while I was focused on things short-term. I appreciate it. I do, but it doesn't fix some other problems, and certainly Jacob is high on that list, as is Edward, but I need to talk to Edward about my Edward problems. I'm sure you understand."

"Of course, dear. That seems very responsible."

I spent time arranging my thoughts before I turned to look at her. "You sure you want to hear this?"

She smiled invitingly.

Taking a deep breath weighing once more how much I wanted to tell Edward's mother. After a few moments, it occurred to me that there was no one else to talk to. And Esme was wise. I could trust her. She kept others confidences. She had already proven that. Could I trust her to not take her son's side? There was only one way to find out.

"I love him and I love Edward," I tried to explain. "Both of them are very different from the other and both of them are offering me very different lives. I don't know how to choose."

"Yes, you were struggling with this before the accident," she finally said after long minutes had passed.

It was fortunate that this wasn't news to her. Knowing that she knew this and still welcomed me unconditionally into her family made me love her even more.

"Do you know how I chose then?"

"Edward would know."

"Edward?" That was not the answer I expected at all, consequently was appalled and shocked, as I couldn't imagine telling him.

"Yes. He knew about your feelings towards Jacob. I imagine you talked this through with him."

"Edward … You must think I'm a horrible person for loving two men."

She smiled sadly. "I married Charles when I loved Carlisle. It's not quite the same, but I hope it allows me to properly empathize with your perspective."

"You loved Carlisle while you were married?"

"Yes," she smiled devilishly. "If this is what you choose, your body will change, but the essence of who you are will not."

That was comforting.

"Edward can be difficult at times, but I believe that is in part due to his gift. He is also one of the most caring, generous, intelligent, thoughtful, respectful individuals that I know. I can't help much with Jacob."

"Jacob is funny and easy-going. He makes the world seem fun and uncomplicated." I smiled.

Esme smiled back. "Well, those would certainly not be Edward's strengths," her eyes sparkled teasingly. "Not to worry, darling. You will find your way." Her tone left no room for doubt. "Just remember that a life with someone else isn't about the present as much as it is about the future," she tacked on gently.

Looking back outside, after a little while, I was ready to leave.

"Let's go, then," she told me without me having to say anything.

Looking at Esme as she stood up it was apparent that everything had already been arranged.

We were nearly out of Seattle and I was lost in my thoughts when she asked me, "If you don't mind Bella, something you said puzzled me."

"Sure, Esme."

"What did you mean when you referred to the council?"

"Oh, the Quileute council had forbidden Jake from telling me about you even though he was aware you were cold ones because of their tales."

"Ah, I see. Did he mention that was because there is a treaty between us and them and if he were to do so it would break the treaty?"

I thought back through the conversation. "Yes, he mentioned something like that, but, honestly, that part seemed incredulous."

She smiled slightly. "We were here in the 1930s and made a treaty with Jacob's great-grandfather. They are forbidden by the treaty to tell anyone our nature."

"Oh."

"Indeed, and I don't want you to think ill of Jacob for following the rules us Cullens insisted the tribe follow."

"Well, that's very kind of you Esme. Thank you."

"You're welcome. He's been a good friend to you."Her tone was honest enough, but it held this quiver like my friendship with Jake made her nervous.

I didn't know what to make of that, so I responded simply, "Yes he has."

It was as if Esme saw the world through my eyes, putting aside her own opinions. Not once had she tried to root for Edward or throw something in underhand like. It was impressive and endeared me to her even more. My mind couldn't stop thinking about her words and the stories Jake had told me because the part that didn't make sense was why the Cullens would have made the treaty with the Quileutes in the first place.

"Esme?" I asked cautiously. "Is Jake really a wolf?"

"Sometimes," she said softly.

"Sometimes?" I asked irritated. That was the same answer Jake gave me. Once again I had the feeling of being left in the dark.

"Just like the Quileutes can't talk about us, we don't speak about them. You need to ask Jake."

"Fine," I huffed.

"Now, Bella, I will have none of that. You're nineteen now. You should know better than to think you're always going to get your way." Her voice was stern in a kind way, but she smiled slightly and her eyes twinkled in delight.

"Yes, M-Esme," I answered.

Her slight reproach was exactly what I had needed–love, warmth, and guidance all wrapped up together. She understood I was upset and had not once implied that me being upset was inappropriate, yet she had just set a limit for me and helped me understand that I was asking for things that I might not get. Forgiving their choices required me to trust that she, and my extension Carlisle, had my best interests at heart. She had told me enough that I was once again confident that they could be trusted with my welfare, but had to admit the easiness in which I had done so in the hospital was gone. For the first time since being told what they were, I felt appreciative that the truth had come out, as they could have continued the masquerade, and much of my anger was gone.

About halfway to Forks I found some more courage. "Esme, would you tell me what Edward was like before me?"

She smiled thoughtfully. "Well, he's always been a slightly morose boy since I've known him. I think a lot of that comes from losing his parents and then having his gift. He's incredibly thoughtful. For instance, when I was to be married to Carlisle the organist wasn't very good, but I loved the building, so Edward spent hours upon hours tutoring [N1] the woman. He claimed that he did it out of selfishness, but really that's because he doesn't like to be thought of a tender-hearted, but he is. He's an excellent musician, as you know, and has written pieces for all of us. He has generously given items of his parent's jewellery pieces to each of us pairs. I'm glad he kept the piece that is on your bracelet. It meant a lot to him to give it to you, I suspect."

It was a beautiful stone. Looking at it I couldn't help but wonder why he never said anything. "He never mentioned."

"Yes, well that's like Edward. He does these incredibly sweet things that mean a lot to him, but he doesn't really like a lot of fanfare for it. He's very generous. I believe that particular gem used to hang around is mother's neck, and his mother also wore the ring he gave you on your engagement. I believe it was her wedding ring, in fact. I believe you wearing his mother's things means a lot to him, but he would never say so unless asked. Sometimes I think he keeps things too close to his chest, but that is me mothering him." She smiled sweetly. "Would you be willing to take some advise, dear?"

Looking at her hesitantly uncertain as I had been looking for answers not advice. Considering Esme and all that she meant to me I nodded hesitantly.

"Just be honest with him. He has a heart of gold and you both aren't honest enough, both afraid to hurt the other, if you ask me. Sometimes a small bit of hurt in the form of true honestly and vulnerability is exactly what is needed."

Smiling while nodding, it was exactly the kind of thing I would have imagined her saying. I was glad I had agreed. It wasn't the pushy do this type of thing Alice would have said. It was such an Esme statement, giving me something while reassuring me that she trusted me to do what I thought was best. I could take it or leave it. As she pulled into my drive I hesitated to get out.

Turning to face her I told her sincerely, "Thank you, Esme, for everything. You are a wonderful mother."

She placed her hand on my cheek gently. "Anything, dear, anytime, as I would do for any of my children." Her words sounded haltered like she was choking up while she spoke them.

Going inside I started dinner. Being in Charlie's house made me think back to what Charlie had said–that although he preferred Jacob, he thought Edward was more mature. After dinner I made a note for Charlie, and went up into my room. After emailing Renée, I read some. Once again I debated whether or not to leave my window upon, and decided to keep it shut again tonight. I also decided to get up and drive to the Cullens in the morning. Hopefully Alice saw my decision and had told Edward. Perhaps I should go easier on Alice and give her the benefit of the doubt, but she had some serious questions to answer.

The same terrible dream invaded my sleeping hours, so I didn't wake up any more rested than the night prior, which resulted in me arriving at Edward's later than he would have usually come to mine. I parked out front and knocked on the door.

Edward opened it.

"Hi, Edward." I blushed and looked at his feet.

"Nice to see you, Bella." He sounded reserved as if he was waiting for me to punch him.

"I was wondering, if it was okay with you, if, maybe, you'd be willing to go with me to our meadow?" I looked up and was caught in his eyes.

"Yes, Bella. I would enjoy that. Should we grab the picnic basket?"

I quickly returned to gazing at my feet. "Um, if it's not too much trouble."

"None at all. Esme packed it already just in case."

I smiled. Of course she would have. "That's fine then."

He went to grab it. He came back and got into the passenger's side without complaint. I only needed help twice to the pull-off as he usually drove. We seemed to hike a little faster this time. Mostly, I think, it was because my confidence in the path allowed my feet to go faster. Also, where we were going was not a mystery, and I was excited to see it once again. However, as we got nearer I slowed down becoming more anxious about what we needed to talk about.

Edward looked at me concerned. "Are you okay, Bella?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said quite harshly.

He looked out into the forest.

Esme's advise about honesty came back to me.

"Actually, Edward, I'm really nervous. It's like the last time we were walking and I asked a question you didn't want to answer. I don't really want to ask these questions, but I talked to your mother and she said that we'll never get anywhere if I'm not more honest. It seemed like good advice at the time." I looked down at my feet unsure if I really could gather the courage to have this conversation.

"Bella, I always want to know what you're thinking. I might not always like it or agree, but I do want to hear it."

"Will you promise to be completely honest not sparing my feelings?"

He smiled crookedly with a twinkle in his eye. I wondered if he was remembering something. "Yes, Bella. Will you promise the same?"

I considered it despite not really wanting to. "Yes, I will," I answered reluctantly. It wouldn't really work otherwise, after all.

Not long after, we arrived at the meadow. Edward took a picnic blanket out of the basket and laid it out with all the accoutrements. He looked at me fearfully.

"The table is yours, my lady."

I smiled loving when he spoke like that and took in a deep breath attempting to bring courage up from my toes. I had given Jake a chance to explain. I understood why the Cullens, at Carlisle's and Esme's direction, had left me in the dark for so long, and I could only hope Esme's parting words were truly wise. Either way, I owed Edward the chance to explain himself and tell me the truth. I could only hope that his words would soothe the pain and hurt his lies had caused me, because even if I took away him keeping his nature from me, he still had lied to me for seven months about how he felt about me, and that was far more hurtful than the label of what kind of creature he was.

* * *

 _A/N:_ _I will never get tired of thanking each and everyone of you. And now 8th round complete ... back to Alice ..._


	33. Alice–Icebergs and Nudges

**Disclaimer: The reference of Jasper coming onto the vegetarian diet comes from Jessica314's story Tales of Years: 1950.**

Chapter 33: Alice–Icebergs and Nudges

* * *

Not surprisingly, since all our lives hung in the balance, I had been watching Bella regularly, but increased it to every opportunity since their date in the meadow seven months ago. The trickier part had been only doing so only when Edward wasn't home, as sometimes my curiosity could get the best of me. Nevertheless, since Bella's future was too uncertain and Edward too unpredictable to put those two things together, Jazz and I had agreed that anytime he could feel my curiosity becoming a more primary emotion he would tamper it down or distract me so that I wouldn't accidently search her out. If anyone else in the house noticed his manipulations, they never said. Unfortunately for our marriage, this also meant that when Edward was with Bella I watched them non-stop. The only except to this was the few hours between Bella falling into her deep non-talking sleep and when Edward headed home. Despite its significant impact to us, Jazz and I were agreed on this course of action. We were in Carlisle's wait and see stance, except with contingency plans up the wazoo.

When I had originally watched them kiss, after coming back on their first date, I had squealed and jumped into Jazz's arms.

"Good one?" he had teased.

"The best," I had shrieked, but then immediately had gone back to watching them.

Edward had come home and had been thrilled. His emotions had been very close to where they had been after his return from the first time the meadow had been their first date. Jazz and I felt great relief believing the worst was over and things would naturally take their course. At first, Jazz and I had thought Edward was acting out of his own era to ease his nerves would help. As weeks past and they had nothing but the most chaste physical interactions, not to mention the vision of her being a newborn hadn't improved, my relief had turned to worry and then doubt.

Ever since giving Edward images of their marriage, I had, to the most part, been able to convince him that he had no reason to worry, as my greatest concern had been that he would escape into himself again. Although, six weeks after their date in the meadow I began to doubt this had been a good idea. The weaknesses of my gift began to show as I pressed it more and more. The further out in time I tried to see, the more unpredictable the outcomes and less reliable they were, unless a firm decision had been made. Unfortunately, there was nothing Jazz or I could do about it, as it was simply a built in limitation. The biggest concern we had as the weeks turned into months was that they hadn't kissed again. Not only had they not kissed, they had barely touched at all. For humans in 1917 that might have been perfectly wonderful, but for vampire mates to not be in physical contact for so long created doubt in both of Jazz and I that had never existed before, although we told no one, and kept it quietly under wraps from Edward.

Before the accident, after the first time they had kissed, Bella had seemed to want to repeat it every chance they could and Edward would ask to slow things down, but was still desirous of the physical connection. Once both individuals recognised the bond, it would pull at both them to complete the pairing. Esme and Carlisle had taken the longest Jasper or I or Peter or Charlotte, for that matter, had ever heard of until Edward. They had both been aware since coming back from Italy in March and it was July when the accident happened. To not have any connection was unnatural. He didn't even hold her in bed while she slept anymore.

Jazz and I theorized that the present problem was that both weren't aware of the bond. Otherwise, the alternative, that they really weren't mates, was unfathomable. We were unwilling to concede that possibility. The problem had been on Edward's side until Italy, as he had been in denial. Could it be that the problem was on Bella's side this time? That would mean that she had lost her awareness of her bond with Edward along with everything else. Edward trying to win Bella over in a completely human way without the bond seemed unlikely, especially given the time lapse between them as dating is a very environmentally constructed interaction. Edward was many things, but suave wasn't one not to mention he was, seven months later, still acting on 1917 dating rituals. And neither Jazz nor I knew how to help.

Although they weren't as worried as me, Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, and even Esme had been encouraging Edward these months, since the meadow, to not keep things so close to his chest, to tell her how he felt a little more, or as Emmett kept saying, "just put some moves on her." Emmett's teasing was funny and Edward's decision to take it slow seemed honourable until one month turned into two and then three and then four. He seemed locked in inaction not too dissimilar to him being locked within his own mind. Fortunately the vision of Bella becoming a Cullen hadn't decreased much, although with each month that passed my major was getting more and more antsy. The more time that passed without any indicator that they're relationship was progressing, the closer tabs I kept on them.

What gave us hope for them was that even if Bella wasn't feeling the bond, she still seemed to desire him as a woman does a man. She would get these wistful looks of yearning when Edward was distracted. After much discussion and Jazz dissecting her emotions when she was with Edward at the house, we concluded that she wasn't as accepting of Edward's behaviour as she appeared to be. She seemed more cautious around him than she had been before and more willing to not pressure him for more. Our best guess that her pushiness that we had observed before the accident was primarily the bond pulling on her. Immaterial of our guesses, her internal world told a different story than her actions, and we suspected that they were miscommunicating once again.

I took out books from the library, reading fiction and non-fiction on the dating rituals of 21st century women. The more I learned the more concerned I grew discovering that Bella was probably interpreting Edward's wooing of her, which Esme confirmed was exactly in line to how he would have been raised, as rejection.

I had first figured this out around her nineteenth birthday, and, for her birthday party, had insisted we get a special outfit. She had grudgingly agreed and came along. Rosalie and Esme had gone with us and we had enjoyed being just us girls.

Finally the moment came when, according to my visions, she would react the best to my questions. Learning that I couldn't be as blunt as I had used to be, I had tried to ease into things.

"Bella, can I ask you a personal question?"

"Um, sure, Alice."

"Do you like my brother?"

"Sure," she answered without pause.

"No, I mean like, like."

"Like are we dating?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know, Alice."

"How can you not know?" I had asked floored and uncertain how this could be. Things were worse that I had thought.

"Well, because even though we hang out and we enjoy things together, but he's pretty hands off, you know. And he's never said anything."

Without looking at her I could tell she was blushing.

"He hasn't asked you to go steady with him?"

"God, Alice, people haven't done that since like, what?, the 1950s. No, Alice he didn't ask to go steady with me. We just hang out. That's all. No biggy." But her tone suggested that she wished for more, but wasn't allowing herself or something.

Frankly, I was more confused than ever. I decided to go with a different tact.

"You know he was raised pretty old-fashioned. We all were."

"I have no doubt about that, Alice."

"Maybe he's just being respectful of you." I wanted to remind her that they used to be engaged, but Carlisle had warned all of us, multiple times, to try to not make comparisons to how she used to be.

"Could be. But no boy has that much self-control, Alice." She sounded incredibly sad.

I knocked on the changing room door and she opened it. I pulled her into a hug.

"My brother does, Bella. He is the single-most stubborn pig-headed man I know who when he sets his mind to something nearly always accomplishes it, which could easily include acting as if the two of you were living in one of your Austen novels instead of the 21st century."

A few tears left her eyes and we sat down together on the changing bench.

"Why don't you instigate things?" I wondered curious.

"I don't want to offend him, for one, but also I'm enjoying out time together. I don't want to ruin it."

That was when I realised that I was out of my depth. Bella needed another woman of her era to talk to who would understand this kind of logic and conversation. All the books I read plus my gift still hadn't allowed me to help her how she needed.

Bella dried her tears, came out of the changing room in the new clothes, and Esme with Rosalie walked in both of them acting if they didn't know what had happened, but we all exchanged worrying glances.

After we had dropped Bella off, I had pleaded with both of them to keep this from Edward.

"Wouldn't it be best if he knew?" Rosalie had asked.

"We can't afford a pity party, Rose. Please, for now. Let me see what we can do that might help."

She had begrudgingly agreed, and Esme warned me about messing with things too much, but after that both Esme and Rosalie took a greater interest in Edward and Bella's lack of a love life.

I had pressed the issue again in mid November and got politely told by Bella to mind my own business. Little did she know that wasn't how it worked in our family. In the mean time, I continued to have silent arguments with Edward about it, attempting to point out all that I had learned in my research about modern women. Naturally, he wouldn't listen, and as nothing looked bad per say he'd tell me that they were doing fine.

I also tried to get Bella to ask more questions about us and about her past, but she seemed as resistant to that as Edward was to behaving more modernly. I couldn't see it going any other way than badly once she found out the truth, and I had no way to stop it including the likelihood that she would blame me once she found out. I had begun to feel as if I was on the Titanic knowing it was going to hit ice and unable to alter things to change it. But if I was willing to go along with Jazz's plan to change her against her will and the family's wishes, I was willing to pay the price of her being upset with me.

"It's their choices," Jazz would remind me. "We have choices too," he'd point out.

He was right, but it didn't give me much hope for avoiding a catastrophe.

The greater my sense of approaching doom increased the closer tabs I kept on them both. When Edward had come home concerned about Bella's dream regarding him saving her from the van, I knew intuitively this was the day that the boat would find an iceberg. After reassuring him, I fled with Jasper to the woods, so I could look for every eventuality. As Bella wasn't really making decisions, I didn't have much lead time. Everything had looked like it was going well. I appreciated Edward not telling Bella about Jasper's warning to turn her if the risk got too high. That was until Edward told her we drank blood. I couldn't tell why that would upset her so much. She had accepted us so easily last time. Sure she had looked pensive and had gone out into the woods by herself, but nothing like this. As soon as I saw the conversation would deteriorate, I ran to the house Jazz right behind me.

"Esme's car, please, Jazz," I told him as we approached the house.

He nodded and headed to the garage.

"Esme, I need you please."

She was sure to answer as Carlisle had day shifts this week. She came to me and together we ran to the car that Jazz had brought round the front.

"Bella's?" he asked me.

"Yes, please."

We were almost there when Bella's future disappeared. While I watched Edward and Bella nearly in real time I told Esme and Jazz what was happening. Once we got there and found him crumbled on his knees on the floor, I told him how proud of him I was that he had let Bella go, as difficult as it was on him. As I drove the Volvo with Jazz following behind, Esme was also telling him how proud she was of him, and that Bella probably just needed some time to gather her thoughts, but he didn't ever respond, so I wasn't sure that he heard her.

When Bella would come and confront me I already owed her an apology; I probably owed Edward one as well at this point. I had miscalculated the fall out.

When we got home and Jazz practically carried Edward out of the car, I knew what I needed to do.

"Come on," he told Edward.

Jazz looked at me and mouthed 'Bella' while sending me courage. I was grateful we were on the same page and focused on that emotion while I ran into the woods hoping Jasper would get my message. As I headed away, I heard Esme ask Jasper if he thought they should call Carlisle. He recommended yes. I checked ahead. They would call and Carlisle would come home early from his shift, but not by much it looked like he had a surgery scheduled. I quickly moved past those images.

I settled in the forest onto some ferns disturbing the smaller creatures who decided to leave the area surrounding me, and focused on Bella. I had not been surprised when she had disappeared, no doubt to go to the pup's house. The question had not been where had she gone, but when would she return. Given that I had no way to know how long she'd be at the pups, I started searching further ahead. The vision of her becoming a Cullen was faltering. Jazz wouldn't be happy. We really didn't want to have to change her against her will. Every time we made that decision, my gift showed her clear mad at Jazz and I for ages and for a while we would have to live apart from the rest of the family. She would get over it eventually. Eternity was a long time to stay mad no matter how stubborn someone could be.

I started searching for paths that we could take to help her, her talking with Esme or Carlisle stood some decent outcomes, but the chances of her choosing that were slim and I didn't know how to influence her. Each of my attempts to convince her to take the lead regarding Edward had fallen on deaf ears. I was also keeping an eye on Edward. Whatever Jazz was doing and Esme's words of encouragement seemed to be keeping Edward from falling into a poor state like when Bella had first come out of the hospital. So, that was a bit of good news.

I was in the middle of searching for how we restore the vision Bella as a newborn without Jazz's and my intervention when Bella must have decided to leave the pups because she came into my vision driving. She looked extremely upset. I waited for her to cross the Quileute line so I would know where to go and hopefully how to help her, but instead she made a turn off and walked up to the cliffs. I was at a full sprint moving as fast as possible my only thought to get to Bella. I had watched Bella jump to her death once; I wasn't going to watch her jump twice. Treaty be damned. It was only when I was a mile to the border that I had enough wherewithal to text Jasper.

Bella at cliffs. Heading into Quileute land.

As soon as I crossed over the line I took to the trees. It would slow me down some, but it was worth it to keep Jazz from coming undone. I wouldn't take unnecessary risks. Undeniably he would be on my heels. I was two miles in their land when the smell of two pups ascended. It took them a few minutes to catch my scent and send out two short howls no doubt calling for reinforcements. I was a mile from Bella when she got to the cliff. Watching her intently while running was too dangerous with wolves about, so I was splitting my focus, which had slowed me down. She stood by the edge watching the water and then she sat down dangling her legs over the side.

I paused in the trees and reviewed the vision of her jumping with how she looked in this vision. Her look was completely different. I wasn't sure what that meant, but I was close enough that I could hear her. Her heart was slightly faster, but not unusually from walking up the path. Her breathing matched the slightly faster pace of her heart. I examined the nearby perching options scaling up one that was taller than the rest so that I could have her in my line of sight. Then I compared her look that I had seen briefly with how she had looked in my vision shortly after she had found out about what we were.

"Um, Alice, right?" I heard a boy say. If I'd have to guess it was Brady. I appreciated that he knew my name. I officially like Brady, at least in human form.

"Yes?" I answered without taking my eyes off of Bella.

"Um, you know you're on our land, right?"

"Yes. I had a vision of Bella at the top of the cliffs. I was afraid she was going to jump again. I came to stop her, but she's sat down now."

"Right. Well, um, Alice, you're not supposed to be on our land, see, and soon Sam will be here, okay?"

"Sure, Brady. Thanks for letting me know."

"Anytime. Will you be moving closer?"

"No, I'll just stay here unless she jumps. If she jumps, I'm going in after her."

"Okay, then. I'm going to go back into my wolf shape now."

"Thanks Brady for the chat. I appreciate it."

"Uh-huh."

I could feel Jazz getting nearer before I could hear him.

Unfortunately, Sam reached me first.

"What are you doing, Cullen?" he barked.

"As I explained to Brady," I said summoning my inner Carlisle and trying to remain calmly diplomatic. There was no need to unnecessarily upset the pups, but I wasn't moving till Bella did. "I'm concerned Bella will jump. I'm keeping an eye on her."

"We can do that."

"Yes, I know, but watching her jump and then die once was enough. I apologise for the inconvenience Sam. I know Jacob saved her last time and I know you guys are fast and strong, but she's my sister and I can't lose her. I almost lost her once, and I can't again. I'm sorry." I wasn't sure if he could hear my grief and worry in my words.

There was a moment between us. I could hear Jasper closing in rapidly.

"Oh, and I should warn you that Jasper is on his way."

"Why?" he growled as if he was on the cusp of phasing.

"He's my husband and he's worried about me."

Sam didn't know what to say about that. A moment later Jasper came through the trees. He landed next to me in one movement while also grabbing hold of my waist and burying his head into my neck taking in a deep breath.

"June bug, you were nearly the death of me. I've never moved so fast."

"I've promised you that I would stay safe. I kept my promise. You didn't need to worry so."

He kissed the space between my neck and my shoulder obviously calmer that he had been seconds before.

"Cullen, you're on our land," Sam reiterated.

"Yes, we know, thank you," I replied in my most sweetest southern bell voice.

Jasper's body moved with the chuckle he was trying to contain.

"The treaty says you are not to be in our land."

"Yes, I'm aware. Thank you."

"You really didn't need me," Jazz breathed into my ear.

I shook my head no and giggled slightly.

"Major, will you please watch Bella. I want to check the future." I said it slowly enough and loud enough that I expected Sam would hear.

"Can do, June bug," Jazz replied in his curt military tone matching my volume.

"Please play nice with the doggies," I breathed into Jazz's ear.

"I'll do my best, ma'am," he reassured me.

When I searched it was obvious Bella hasn't made any decisions or was even close to any because the time frame of when she was leaving was all over the place. I had no way to make a good guess.

When I came to the present Jazz asked, "Any help?"

"No, the decisions are too uncertain. We just have to wait," I told him once again making sure it would reach Sam's ears if he was listening.

"The natives are growing restless," he breathed into my ear.

"Good for them," I replied just as quietly. "Promise me, Jazz, that you won't force me to go," I pleaded my whole body quaking in grief and terror at that possibility.

"You didn't have to tell me that strongly," he teased whispering. "I wouldn't dare, June bug. Even if I have to fight Carlisle himself, nothing will move you from this perch unless you're ready to go," he breathed into my ear while he sent me a cocktail of determination, fortitude, and something like his fidelity to me, it was strong and heady, but I couldn't name it.

Instantly my fear of being removed from this spot dissipated and I was filled with the most divine kind of love. My major would risk everything for me simply because he wanted me in his world and I had asked him.

"Jasper, right?" Sam said, presumably deciding he wasn't getting anywhere with me.

"Yes, Sam?" Jazz answered.

"I am officially requesting you leave our land. I promise that we will keep an eye on Bella and ensure her safety."

I shook my head no.

"I'm sorry, Sam. No can do. My little lady here is insistent and where she goes I go. Is there something else I can do for you?"

"In that case, I need you to call Carlisle."

"Will you give him safe passage?"

"I wouldn't invite him otherwise," he replied indignant that Jazz would imply otherwise.

"In that case, I certainly can do that. I will worn you, though. He's at the hospital today. If he's in surgery he won't respond until he's finished."

"Can we expect any more Cullens?"

"No. Esme, Edward, Rosalie, and Emmett are at home."

I looked at Edward's future. Emmett had him pinned, no doubt in the same position that Jazz had put him in. Rosalie was helping keep Edward in place while Esme was trying to calm Edward down. If it were Jazz, I would want to be here as well, but with the wolves below us, Jazz was right to keep him at home.

Sam grunted.

"How'd that go?" I asked Jazz.

"As well as could be expected. Determination and terror were high, so he had to be contained."

"Understandable. Looks like Emmett and Rosalie are doing a bang up job."

He nodded, but there was a smile on his face.

All I had seen since Jazz's arrival was the back of Bella, so it was hard to determine what was going on with her. An hour later, my phone was going to vibrate in one second.

"Hi Carlisle," I greeted him.

"Alice," he said with his what is going on tone. "Please explain."

"I saw a vision of Bella standing on the top of the cliff where she had jumped and nearly drowned right before Italy. I didn't think Carlisle. I just couldn't stand the thought of her jumping twice and dying."

"I see." There was a momentary pause. "Sam has requested you leave their land."

"Yes, he was good enough to come and ask politely himself."

"Alice," he warned.

"I'm not leaving till she does or I see her walking back to her car alive. I'm sorry. I'm not trying to cause problems. I just can't do it. Jazz is here and we're safe, the pups are safe. Everyone is fine."

"Except that you're breaking the agreement."

"They broke it first when they told Bella about us two years ago this month," I pointed out.

He let out an exasperated sigh.

"I'll cancel the surgery scheduled for the afternoon. Where are you?"

"A little more than one thousand metres from the cliff's edge north northeast."

"I need both of you to stay put and I need not remind you to be extremely respectful. You can't do this Alice. Cliff or not. It's their land."

"We won't budge," I promised him.

"I'm on my way."

"I couldn't Jazz; I'm sorry," I apologised. I had messed up with Bella so many times, nothing worse than when I hadn't told her the full story about her scar, but still. I had failed her the last time she was here at this spot. I couldn't this time. I just couldn't.

He held me closer and sent me tranquillity and contentment taking the edge of my remorse. "We just have to hold on a little bit more."

"My mistake has cost us too much."

"We could have intervened before, you know that, but it never ended well."

"Maybe a bad reaction would have been better. Anything would be better than her throwing herself off a cliff again."

"Lessoned learned. We're not human, June bug. You did what you thought was best at the time." He paused growing stiller. "Do we need an intervention?"

"Possibly. It was worse right before she came here, all but gone. I haven't checked since. I was too afraid of what I might see."

"Once this is over, you'll need to check, and then we'll make a decision."

I nodded glumly.

We could hear the paws of four wolves nearby. Certainly one was Sam and one other probably was Brady. I was curious who the others might be. Hopefully not Jake. I couldn't see that going over well.

"Her heart and breathing have settled," I told him.

"They weren't?"

"They were running slightly fast when she got up here."

He nodded, but said no more. I kept an eye on Bella, he kept an eye on the pups. One had lay down. Probably Brady, given his attitude before.

"Carlisle's coming," Jasper announced to Sam when Carlisle was within hearing distance. He was also coming through the trees, no doubt following our trails.

Sam came back in human form just about the time Carlisle jumped to the tree next to ours.

"Doctor Cullen," he greeted him.

"Sam. Would you prefer me to come down there or is this all right?"

Jasper looked at Carlisle like are you insane?

"It would be easier if you were down here," Sam answered.

Jazz looked at me apologetically and sent me a touch of sorrow.

I nodded and kissed his cheek, but immediately set my eyes on Bella again refusing to move them.

As Carlisle dropped down so did Jazz.

"We apologise again, Sam, for coming onto your land," Carlisle began.

"No one wants a war doctor, but we have families and imprints nearby. We need you to respect the boundaries just as we respect your boundaries and your wish to keep your secret as agreed with Ephraim Black. The treaty works for both our kinds and although the counsel wishes to strengthen our alliance, this is hindering any steps forward."

"I understand, Sam, certainly I do. I appreciate your role as the leader of your people and thus your concern for them. Alice has assured me that she meant no harm. She has visions, you see. And when Bella jumped last time, Alice watched her do so, and then she watched her fight the current, and then drown. Alice is simply terrified the same will happen again. She loves Bella and doesn't want to see anything untoward happen."

"We will keep Bella safe when she's on our land."

"Yes, we know you do. And we appreciate it. If Bella were anywhere else other than the cliff where she jumped and almost died, I'm confident we would not be having this conversation. In fact, Bella visits La Push regularly and we do not venture near. We trust you with the care of her. It is simply the location, and the memories it conjures, nothing more."

"How long does she plan on staying?" Sam asked begrudgingly.

"Till Bella leaves or her vision shows her that Bella will leave without harm."

"That's not a time frame," Sam pointed out.

"Until Bella has made a decision, it's hard for her to tell."

"No offense, Doctor Cullen, but wouldn't it be better for everyone involved if Bella was left alone by your family?"

"We tried that, Sam, in September of 2005. Do you remember how she was?"

"Yes, I remember," Sam answered gruffly but with a heaviness that was unusual for him.

"Our kind, we mate just once in our lifetime. I incorrectly believed that Edward was merely infatuated with Bella and with time his connection with her would wean. Instead, the longer he was away the harder it was for him. Right now, in fact, the very idea that Bella is here at these very cliffs is driving my son into irrationality. I have my son Emmett, daughter Rosalie, and wife Esme restraining him at home trying to reason with him."

"And if Bella doesn't choose him?" Sam challenged.

"Then he would respect her choice, but my son no longer has a choice. He loves her with his whole being and would rather die than be without her. We are trying to keep him from taking such a drastic action and to encourage him to be patient, but for our kind we are asking the impossible of him. He met Bella two years ago this month. He has waited for her because she is human and he wants her to be free to make her own decision with no pressure from him or from us, but it is difficult. Forgive this poor and inaccurate analogy, as I know little of your imprinting process. Let's say perhaps one of your pack members meets their imprint, but they were underage, say 16, and lived an hour away. The pack member would have to wait at least two years and have limited time with his imprint until the imprint was of age. Would that not be difficult for not only the pack member, but for the pack as well."

Sam was quiet for a while. "Vampires are not packs," he said quietly.

"No, we are not. It was a poor analogy, but one I hoped would help you see some of what is at stake for us. This is not a sign of aggression or disrespect of you, the tribe, or the treaty. My children are simply at their edge of tolerance and do not have the faith that I do."

"I need to call a counsel meeting."

"I understand."

"You are not to move closer in under any circumstances," Sam ordered.

"I'm afraid we cannot guarantee that, sir," Jasper interjected. "My Alice will move closer, but only for the sole reason to save Bella if she were to jump."

"Fine," he grumbled. "You are not to move closer in any circumstances, unless Bella jumps. And I will have at least three wolves here until you leave."

"Certainly," Carlisle answered. "I understand and we agree to those terms."

Once Sam left Carlisle and Jasper scaled trees again, Jazz wrapping himself around me once more.

"How's Edward?" Carlisle asked me.

I looked. "Slightly calmer. A phone call might help."

Carlisle dialled. "Edward, son, I need you to calm yourself please. Alice is going to update us all."

We waited until the snarls and growls and then whimpers ended and Esme told us, "Go ahead."

"She's safe, Edward. She looks like she's thinking. Mostly her back is to me, but every once in a while she moves her head to the side. She looks sad and upset, but otherwise she's well. Her heart rate and breathing are steady. I considered going to comfort her, but she reacted poorly. It seems as if she wants to be left alone. I think Esme was right. She's merely in shock from the news and is working through it."

"Thank you, Alice," he said softly, but the words were pained.

"Of course, brother. You know I love her."

"I just wish …" he started to say.

"I know, but we can't change the past. We can only move forward. We will be home as soon as she leaves safely."

"How many Quileutes?" Emmett asked.

"Four, including Sam, but he just left," Jazz reported.

"Man. Why do you guys get to have all the fun?"

"You drew the short stick?" Jazz teased.

We all chuckled.

"Come home soon," urged Esme.

"I love you," Carlisle said fervently.

"As I you," Esme replied right before Carlisle hung up.

Hours passed. The dogs changed, but there were always three. The family would enjoy the story of Brady when we got home. The sun was settling when Bella stood up looking over the edge again. I got in position ready to pounce, but she moved down the path that would lead to her car. I wanted to follow it.

"No, Alice. We've asked enough of the Quileutes. Check your vision," Carlisle requested softly.

I did. She was heading home. She would call Esme. She had already decided.

"You're right. Sorry."

"That's understandable, but we have stretched our welcome beyond their tolerance."

"Let's stay in the trees, please," Jazz insisted.

"Your wish, my command, Major," I joked and I took off.

"If that were so, we wouldn't have needed to be here at all, June bug, so don't you start that," he teased back.

"Please tell Sam that we appreciate his hospitality and that I will be in touch with Billy shortly," Carlisle told the wolves lounging below us before he took off.

When we got home Carlisle had a terse conversation with Mr. Black, while I showed Edward my memory of the day being careful that he didn't get any of the visions. Oddly, simply seeing her in my memory seemed to calm him. Carlisle and Esme were going to take Edward hunting, but I told Esme she needed to stay, as Bella would call her shortly. It looked like after hunting they would go and stay in the woods behind Bella's and chat.

Right as Bella had planned, about an hour after getting back from the cliffs, the phone was going to ring.

"It's Bella for Esme," I told the house seconds before the ring started.

Esme and Bella made arrangements for going to tea tomorrow. I imagined Bella would like that, but there was too much in flux still for my gift to be clear.

After checking once more I found Jazz, since Edward's mood swings were wearing on him, statuesque. I asked him concerned, "You okay, Major?"

"Do we need to act?"

"No. It's back to what it was these past few months, but I have a feeling she's getting closer to making a decision."

"I was thinking about a different kind intervention," he answered grumpily bringing himself out of his stillness.

"That bad?" I asked sincerely but with a little teasing in my tone.

"Yes," he grumbled.

"He does better when he has time with her, and her going to that cliff was stressful on us all."

"Yes. He literally cannot function without her. Don't you dare leave me, June bug."

Walking towards him I wrapped myself into his arms. "Never. I couldn't even if I wanted to. What would I do without the great Major Whitlock here to keep me safe?"

He almost smiled. "I can't be everywhere, June bug. You really scared me today. Promise me."

I looked into his eyes. "Major, I promise on my very existence that I will do everything in my power to always be by your side. Or at least like today keep myself safe till you come."

"He's worse than I was coming off human blood."

"So, am I allowed to nudge things along more, then?" I lifted my eyebrow.

"What were your suggestions?"

Things must really be drastic for him to allow me to interfere in Edward's life more than the occasional nudge. "Well, Bella was very upset when she found out we drink blood. It looks likely that most of those conversations Esme will handle just fine. But Bella is trying to figure out what she wants for her future. She can't seem to make up her mind." I pouted. "Without the bond pulling on her, I'm worried. I looked ahead and saw that this conversation with Esme could be critical, so if you agree, I could explain to Esme what Bella might ask about and make recommendations of what Esme could say to help."

"Will Esme appreciate your interference?"

I checked. "She'll say that Bella should make up her own choices and that I shouldn't be interfering so much, that things will work themselves out, but then when she comes home tonight, she'll be appreciative."

"That means that I need to distract Edward?"

"Preferable with something physical. He has _way_ too much pent up energy." I smiled cheekily.

"Over sharing June bug." Then he pounced on me.

Fortunately we were ready to separate by the time we heard Carlisle and Edward come home. Certainly Carlisle needed Esme, but I wasn't sure how he convinced Edward to come back home with him. We got dressed and went downstairs. Edward sat at the piano and tried playing. It was stormy.

As we were lounging Jazz casually said, "Since everyone's here, I have been thinking about our experience with the newborns and have some new trainings I'd like to try. I was hoping since Edward is home that tonight be a good night to practise."

Edward looked up. "Trying to distract me?"

"Some, but mostly you're not home usually at night and you are tonight."

"Let's go!" Emmett looked jubilant.

Rosalie attempted to hide her grin, but it had been obvious that she had enjoyed the previous training sessions.

Edward looked resigned but willing. Perhaps being distracted would be easier on him than being in the woods watching Bella through a window. I sure hoped so.

Carlisle and Esme both looked resistant.

Jasper looked at them and then coughed.

"Perhaps Esme and Carlisle would appreciate the house empty for a few hours," Jazz said cheekily.

They both didn't know where to put themselves.

"Thank you for your understanding, Jasper, but it's alright. We'll join you."

Jasper looked like he really rather they worked on whatever emotions were stirred inside of them.

"How about you join us when you're ready?" Jazz offered.

Carlisle and Jasper exchanged a look.

"Well, thank you Jasper, I will kindly accept your offer."

"Your welcome," but he sounded relieved.

Edward was working really hard to suppress a grin and grimace combined. How he managed to still be awkward about intimate things in a house of pairs was beyond me.

"All right. Let's head out to the clearing," Jasper said.

Emmett and Rosalie got up immediately.

"Last one there has to go first for Jazz's new move," Emmett bellowed as he ran.

Edward followed closely behind glancing at us before he darted off.

When we couldn't hear Edward anymore I got up. "Esme, could I talk to you please?"

"Carlisle," Jasper acknowledged as he headed out the door.

I talked super fast. "Esme, I feel the need to warn you about tomorrow. Bella is in a very vulnerable place right now. Yesterday was a big day for her. It didn't go great, as you know. Then she went to visit the dog. I got the impression that didn't go well either. I suspect that's why she shut Edward out tonight. She doesn't want company. Her reaching out to you says a lot. She needs guidance, Esme. You know Renée, she's many great things, but no one is a better mother than you and Bella needs a mother right now." Then I detailed all the possible conversation topics Bella was thinking about. "I see it going better if you're very transparent. No half-truths. She knows now. Anything less will push her away. Oh, and a gentle nudge at the end wouldn't hurt."

I heard her tell me while I ran out the door, "Thank you Alice for looking out for her, but it's not our place. They'll find their own way."

I smiled. She'd thank me later, that was already fairly certain. I was, of course, the last one to the clearing. Emmett said that me going against Jazz was no fun, so he went first since he was the last out of them three.

Jazz set everyone else up in a kind of star pattern and we all went for Emmett at the same time. Emmett relied on his brute strength. It didn't take long for Rosalie was able to get to his wrist.

Emmett looked irritated for a second and then swatted Rosalie on her behind while he walked a few feet.

"Okay, Emmett, next time try thinking about where they're coming from in terms of skill. Try to use their skills against each other."

He lasted much longer that time before I got him out.

"No fair, Jazz, she's the smallest."

"Emmett, I said skill not size. Edward next."

Edward moved to the middle of us.

"So, I want each of us to be thinking not about our own plans but the plan we anticipate from the person across from us," he instructed.

We nodded.

"Go."

Edward was tagged as soon as we got near him.

"Okay. Edward, try doing it without listening in. Push all of us into the background and use your other senses."

We all got into position and ran at him again. He did much better. He used Emmett's attack to defend against Jazz's advance. He spun out of Rosalie's grasp and pushed her towards me. Seeing her coming, I moved out of the way while eyeing Jazz. He lifted me and threw me causing me to land right next to Edward and to get my teeth to his wrist.

"Better, Edward. Rosalie."

Rosalie lasted longer than either of the boys. She was tenacious. I wouldn't want to stand against her. When she was finally tagged Jazz simply said, "Good one. Alice."

Like Edward my gift was a disadvantage in this situation. There were too many possibilities to avoid them all. I didn't get very far before Rosalie tagged me out.

"Try and turn it off."

"I'll try."

Rather than search the future, I stood real still watching them approach and guessed their next movement based on their physical posture and facial expressions. I lasted longer, but not nearly as long as Rosalie.

Then Emmett went again, us each taking turns. It was close to daybreak when Carlisle and Esme showed.

"Alice, dear, when would you suggest I head over?" Esme asked me.

I checked. "You'll want to be there about 9am."

"Thank you dear. In that case, Jasper, would you mind if I went next?"

"Sure," he readily agreed.

Esme was nearly as good as Rosalie. She twisted and moved out of the way easily. It was hard to tag her, but she wasn't as ruthless as Rosalie and seemed to shy away from hurting us. Finally Jazz tagged her.

"Not bad. Carlisle."

He was too methodical. It was easy to guess his next move and I tagged him relatively easily.

"Okay. You have to shut down your brain some and rely on your instincts more."

Carlisle nodded and tried again. He lasted longer. He seemed to resist the very prospect of what we were training for, yet determined to learn what he needed to protect his family. He had been determined on the battlefield, yet he was also the one to think about allowing one of the newborns to surrender. He created a family out of a coven, but without Jazz we might not have survived. Carlisle's peaceful manner was the family's grace and reason that we all live together, but it wasn't what we needed in a war. The part of Carlisle that had learned that lesson at the battlefield wanted to be here, while the rest of him resisted.

"Let's try Edward again. Esme and Carlisle try to think about what the person across from you is planning."

This time he did slightly better than the first time, but it was Esme who got him. He smiled at her and she chuckled them both seeming to remember something. We did one more with Edward in centre and then Esme left to pick up Bella. Even I could feel his emotions shift towards desperation and despair.

"Again," Jasper ordered.

This time Edward fought with raw emotion. He was highly unpredictable and was able to manoeuvre without getting caught while bringing us down. He ended up lasting longer than even Rosalie when Jazz finally pinned him. When Edward realized it had ended, it was like he came out of a daze.

Jazz and Edward exchanged a look.

"Rosalie, your turn. This time use your size against your opponents. Move more and think vertically as well as horizontally," Jazz instructed.

She nodded.

Edward reassembled himself.

"Go."

We all charged at her. I had never seen her move so fast. It was like all her emotions were being balled up and used together. She ended up lasting twice as long as Edward before Carlisle pinned her. We spent all morning and most of the afternoon training. Finally when Jasper felt that we had enough he congratulated us all and recommended a hunt. We all agreed each heading out in pairs with Carlisle and Edward travelling together.

It was twilight by the time that we all reconvened in the clearing including Esme.

"Can we all play some football?" Emmett begged. "Come on guys. We haven't played since Peter and Charlotte's visit."

Edward looked at me.

"Let me check." I needed to be very careful, as Edward would see everything my gift showed me, so I searched slowly. Bella was eating dinner. She was going to go to her room, and then go to bed. It was almost certain she'd keep her window closed. The next morning the chance of a phone call was slim. It was more likely that she was going to come to the house and ask to go to the meadow.

"Okay, fine," he agreed miserably.

I smiled. _We've all missed you Edward, but possibly none more than Emmett._

He nodded at me and smiled slightly.

We played Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie verses Carlisle, Edward, and myself with Esme refereeing. It was a fairly close game. Edward and I could play without speaking and Carlisle communicated to Edward and me without words, so our best plays were ones when Carlisle was quarterback. Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie played on instinct and reaction with Rosalie usually the quarterback. In the last quarter Jazz tricked Edward somehow and got a touchdown causing them to win the game. It would be sunrise soon and Edward was getting itchy.

"Last man home has to do laundry," Emmett called while he sprinted off with Rosalie and Jazz not far behind. I smiled at Esme and ran to catch up with them. Esme and Carlisle grabbed hands and ran together. Naturally they came in last.

Edward went to change.

"Esme, Bella will need a lunch. I'll go grab the picnic basket," I told her.

"Certainly, dear," Esme replied as she went towards the kitchen.

I included a blanket that had a waterproof bottom and brought what I had gathered to Esme. Together we packed everything up.

Edward was pacing in his room trying to figure out what to wear. _Edward, she just needs honesty. No half-truths. Full disclosure. Whatever she asks. Trust me._ Then I recommended an outfit.

Checking the time that she would be here Edward had about thirty minutes more.

"How about some chess?" I called up to him.

"Fine. Set up the board," he grumbled.

By the time the board was ready Edward came down. I was pleased that he had gone with my suggestion. We played until we could hear the Guardian coming down the drive.

 _Enjoy your time together_ , I suggested while going upstairs to find Jazz.

It didn't take too long for them both to be off and Edward to be out of range.

"Any good?" I asked my husband.

"Improved, but highly anxious and scared."

"Want to watch?" I asked conspiratorially.

"Yes," he answered cheekily.

Obviously I hadn't asked quietly enough because soon the family was moving towards my door.

"Fine," I relented.

Jazz and I went downstairs where I snuggled up into his lap on the couch.

Rosalie and Emmett were sprawled on the carpet.

Carlisle and Esme were snuggled up together.

"I'm only spilling if you each vow to keep it from him. He's wound incredibly tight. Any little thing and he just might break. Swear."

They each nodded.

"They are for sure going to the meadow. Bella is really slow walking there. That part is going to take a while. When they get up there Edward will lay out the blanket and put everything out for her. She hadn't decided her first question yet. You'll have to be patient." We all sat still with out partners waiting.

"This is taking way too long," Emmett complained.

"Humans are slow and Bella is especially so," Rosalie explained as if he didn't know this. It didn't take long before Rosalie declared, "Okay, we're going. I swear they are the most boring couple in history," as she left the room headed towards the garage with Emmett at her heels.

We all smiled at the truth of her statement. Certainly since Bella's accident they weren't the demonstrative couple Rosalie and Emmett were. Mostly there would be lots of talking, which in Rosalie and Emmett's book wasn't the good stuff, but Carlisle, Esme, Jazz, and I all were pleased, none more than Jazz. We were both hoping this would get them going in the right direction allowing us to forgo our contingency plans, well, unless the Volturi came to check on us again.

"Oh, they're going to come here and Bella's going to spend the night," I told the family when they were near leaving the meadow.

"How soon will they arrive would you say?" Esme asked.

"A few hours."

She went to check the kitchen. Carlisle went to check medical supplies.

"Will they be all right, Alice?" Esme asked from the kitchen.

"As far as I can tell. Today was an important first step."

We talked about how we might better support them until my gift told me they were on their way back. By the time we heard the Guardian pull up the drive we had all dispersed. I had gone to pour her a bath bracing myself for a difficult conversation.

* * *

 _A/N: If you're interested in more information about the game of the Cullens and Peter and Charlotte playing American football, it can be found in chapter 27 of my previous story, My Family is Odd._

 _Guest-Thank you for that fascinating tidbit. I bet I would have enjoyed that version even more. I hope you continue to enjoy this story._

 _Thank you everyone for reading!_


	34. Edward-Truths Spoken

**Disclaimer: The references to Edward's behaviour after leaving Bella comes from Saudade by Haemophilus Leona here on FF.**

Chapter 34: Edward–Truths Spoken

* * *

They would never say it out loud, but each family member, myself included, had wondered at one point if this post-accident Bella would be as good of keeping our secrets. Would she keep the truth to herself as she had before? I hadn't had the chance to explain before she fled. Fortunately anything she might have said in La Push would stay in La Push, but what about Charlie? I was with that thought in mind, but no words exchanged, that Carlisle and I had taken down an easy deer each and then gone to Bella's. Charlie and her seemed to be in their regular routine and Charlie's thought were just as they usually were. Once they had both settled into bed, I had told Carlisle that I had picked up nothing worrisome.

 _I didn't doubt her, but relieved nonetheless. Come. Let's go. I need to see my wife._

"I'll stay."

"No, Edward." _She asked for some time. Alice says she will speak to Esme tomorrow. You staying here is disrespectful to her request, and bad for your mental health. One day you will need to confess everything to her, and when you do, I promise you, you'll want to tell her that you did as she asked instead of hid in the woods._

I had suspected that Bella would expect quite a bit of truth from me in the following days, so I had reluctantly agreed.

Once we settled into the meadow and I had offered Bella the space to say whatever she needed, I was extremely grateful I had listened to Carlisle. From Alice's memories I suspected Bella was quite upset and would ask a lot of truth from me. I also expected her to express her kitten-tiger anger, as I had seen so many times before. Instead she had questions.

"First, I wanted you to show me yourself in your natural form," she nearly commanded me. "I have had this feeling at times that you are tempering yourself to not frighten me."

I had promised her complete honesty. Perhaps transparency was also appropriate.

"If acted with no restraint I would crush you in one movement," I told her earnestly.

She eyes me disbelieving.

Smiling at the irony of being in the meadow presenting with demonstration of my capacity, I asked, "Would her ladyship like the same demonstration that I gave the first time we came here?"

She nodded in the affirmative.

I ran the same track as before–right around the meadow once and then returning to my same position.

Her mouth fell open.

I smirked enjoying her awe perhaps a little too much. Then I went over to a tree and broke it with one hand and then threw it across the space. Her eyes might not have been able to track the tree, but certainly she would have heard the impact.

Her eyes grew wide.

"You meant it when you said you were strong," she whispered under her breath.

I smiled to myself at her reaction as I went over to a rock and broke off a piece and crumbled it into my palm. Then I climbed a tree and jumped towards her landing in the spot where I had started.

She flinched.

My pleasure in showing off for her, in having her impressed in my capacities instantaneously erased. It was the baseball game all over again. I never wanted her to be afraid in my presence and especially of me.

"Bella. I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

She took a large breath in and then calmly spoke, "Yes, of course, Edward. You merely surprised me. Anything else?"

"Are you sure, Bella? Being completely honest? Holding nothing back."

"It was slightly frightening, but in the way that a house of horror is frightening or a rollercoaster. It is a pleasant kind because under the fright is an unwavering knowledge that you are safe. Does that make sense?"

It did in a way.

"You see me as a type of house of horror?" I asked part curious and part hurt that might be the case. This was why I had avoided being this honest with Bella. I hadn't wanted the answers, but Alice had insisted that it was necessary, and Esme had advised Bella the same thing, so for the moment I was attempting to listen to their advice.

She stood up and walked towards me slowly.

I stood still watching her nervously.

She put her hands on my cheeks her warmth automatically penetrating me. How much I had missed her touch, her warmth. If this was the result of truth, even if she thought I was a house of horrors, it would be worth it.

"Do you really think so little of yourself that would be your conclusion of my analogy?"

I looked down trying to avoid resting my eyes on any of her body parts.

"Edward? I thought we agreed to truth."

"Yes," I sighed.

"How can you believe that?"

"Because I am a lifeless soulless monster, a thing out of horror stories intended to frighten children, and a killer."

I dared to eye her serendipitously. She looked stunned.

After a few minutes the kitten-tiger rage I had expected came through. "Don't you dare." She sounded as if she were nearly growling.

I waited unsure of what to say next.

"You, mister, are not permitted to think such things."

"Bella," I sighed. "You can't forbid me from thinking what I have believed since Carlisle bit me."

"Why would you think such a thing?"

I shrugged uncertain on how to explain. "The transformation is painful. I thought I was burning in hell. I opened my eyes and I was a monster with little self-control. I broke everything, could hear people's thoughts. I mean what kind of creature can invade others privacy at the most intimate level without permission? Then at one point I left Carlisle and Esme and hunted humans. I became the killer my body was designed to be."

She took my hands and brought them to her lips. It seemed wrong that this was my reward for speaking given my confession.

"Edward. You hear me. Hear me well. A creature isn't bad because of what they are. Badness comes from choices. There are plenty of bad humans. Charlie arrests them. I'm sure there are bad cold ones, but that doesn't make you inherently bad."

"I chose to murder people, Bella."

"You did. And I can't pretend to say that I'm completely okay with that, but Esme killed people and she's the most wonderful loving creature I have ever met."

"She was young. It was an accident. I was partially at fault, anyway," I rambled.

"Why? Why would you be at fault?"

"I had promised to help her stay on the diet and I failed her."

"Gosh Edward that's a bit much. Are you God or something?"

I looked at her my eyes wide. "No," I admonished.

"Well, then, other people's actions aren't your fault. And yes, you did chose to go murder people, but you stopped and you came home. At what point are your crimes allowed to be expunged?"

"Um, never?" I told her knowing that wasn't the answer she was seeking.

"You believe in God?"

"Of course, Bella?"

"You believe God forgives those who truly repent and all that?"

"Yes," I answered cautiously.

"Then why are you excluded from your own beliefs?"

"You sound like Carlisle," I told her.

"Not surprising, really. Carlisle is wise." She smiled cheekily and took in a deep breath. "I'm sure Carlisle has far better arguments than I. For me it's simple. I don't like my friends being treated poorly by anyone, including themselves. Now, come sit on the blanket with me and tell me what other incredible things you can do."

I rolled my eyes at her, but obliged allowing her to pull me down so that my hand could stay in hers.

"I can see really well at quite a distance. I can hear things you can't. My sense of smell is also very strong in comparison to yours. I don't sleep. For the other piece we'd need some sunlight."

"You don't sleep?"

I smiled at her remembering her having the exact reaction, tone and all, last time. "Not at all."

"So heighten all around." She nodded obviously pondering something. "How do I smell to you?" she finally asked.

I smiled even more. Of course she would ask the question I didn't want to answer, she was _my_ Bella after all, memories or not. "Bella, there is no being on this planet that could possibly smell better than you," I told her. "You intoxicate me in every way. In fact, I used to say that you were my personal brand of heroin."

"Heroin?" she asked confused.

My face fell. "Yes, in the beginning, the depraved creature that I am, I wanted to taste your blood so strongly that it look everything I was to stop the first day we met."

"When you behaved rudely."

I smiled grimly disappointed she remembered, wishing that I could erase that hour. "Yes, then."

"And now?"

"You still incredibly sweet to me, tasty even, but my whole being rejects anything that might bring you harm. Thus it no longer temps me."

"Is that something you have control over?"

"I have no control over how someone smells to me, but I have control over how I act on that scent, well, usually, for a few brief moments in Biology that first day, I had no control over my body."

"But then you did?"

"Yes, the wind shifted some allowing me some clarity of thought and I fought the monster that wanted to consume your blood."

"I see."

She sat for a long time thinking.

I desperately wanted to ask her what she was thinking, but I remembered Alice's memory from Bella at the cliff. There were few moments when Alice could see her face, and I knew that look. Bella was thinking hard, working things out in her own mind. Alice had let her, seeing with her gift that interrupting that process would be upsetting to Bella. Bella had needed time to think, and as crazy as it was driving me, it seemed the least I could do, especially since Alice allowing Bella time to think had brought her back to me.

I had been certain when Bella had walked out that door, that I would never see her again. And when I heard in Jasper's thoughts that Bella was at the cliff where she had jumped, everything inside of me demanded to be there with her. Instead Emmett and Rosalie held me down while Esme had reminded me that Bella was human and thus wouldn't react the same as we would. Esme reminded me to have faith in Bella and played in her mind all the happy moments that she remembered of Bella and me from both before the accident and after. And Bella had returned to me, she hadn't fled, permanently anyway, instead she'd given me a chance, and asked me to our meadow. I seemed too good to be true, but I knew it was fleeting. Here in this space I knew that I could easily lose her. She had asked for honesty, so that was what I would give. My hesitancy of doing so was gone released along with the anxiety acting in my façade had brought. Hopefully, I could trust that Bella wouldn't use the truth against me.

When she finally spoke again she offered me nothing. "My next question will be harder, Edward. Are you sure?"

I nodded. "Yes, Bella. Whatever it is."

She dropped my hands as if she was bracing herself. "How much do you know about my relationship with Jacob?"

Fury filled me my hands clenching into balls as I instinctually desired to tear him limb from limb. At the same time, I knew she might choose him. He too wanted to win Bella's heart and this time he might.

"Before the accident you kissed him. You told me that you loved him, but that you loved me more. You felt horrible about it. I tried to explain that it was my fault. That your relationship with Jacob wouldn't have been necessary if I hadn't left, but you would hear none of it." I looked at her wanting nothing but the best for her even if it was the _dog_. "Now, I don't know other than you see him regularly."

She paused taking in calculated breaths and thinking some more. Her cheeks were reddening as if my answer embarrassed her, although I couldn't figure out why. "You are afraid that I will chose him over you?" she asked.

"Unequivocally, yes. He's not a bad match for you. I had promised you before that I would be noble and not stand in your way of what you wanted. If you want Jacob Black, then I will support you, and I will be in your life in whatever capacity you find suitable," I told her fervently willing the words to be true.

"What happened to fighting for the girl your love?" she asked angrily scowling.

I smiled ruefully. "You said something similar last time. So, I'll repeat myself. Bella, I will not force you to choose. I will not try to bend you to my will. I want you to love freely, no matter who you choose."

Her scowl left and her anger dissipated the more she sat in contemplation.

"So, do you know what I was going to tell Jake when I was on my way over to his house?" she finally asked.

"No, but unless you changed your mind, the last I knew you had chosen me."

"So even though I had kissed Jake and told you that I was in love with him, you still wanted to marry me?"

"Unquestionably, undeniably, yes."

"Why?" she asked with dubious dumbfounded expression.

"Because, Bella," I paused wanting to move forward, but unsure if she would welcome my proximity. She seemed to be watching me carefully. "Nothing can change I how I feel about you. Not even that."

She took in another deep breath as if my words had taken her breath away. "Even now?" she asked if expecting a slap.

"Always."

"Always?" she repeated incredulously.

"Always. Every moment. Nothing has changed how I feel."

"Not my accident?"

"I admit I was terrified that I had lost you and you are different, but ultimately, no. I love you with everything that I am just as you are."

"You don't miss the old me?"

I smiled ruefully. Only my Bella would ask the questions I never wanted to answer. "In the beginning yes, a little, but even without the accident you were bound to grow and change. It's what humans do. I guess mostly I was afraid you wouldn't want me anymore."

"Do you want me?"

"Oh, my silly Bella. Of course I want you. You are the single most incredible creature I have ever met.

"Don't you ever want to touch me, then?"

"I always want to be near you, to touch you, to caress you, Bella, even when I'm not with you I want you."

"But you don't. Ever, Edward. You act as if you don't," she insisted her tone irritated.

"That's not the case. I just didn't want to pressure you. I didn't want to be that kind of man. I want to be honourable, to be a gentleman, to treat you with respect. I don't _ever_ want to do something that you're not comfortable with."

"You could have _asked_." Her eyes burned with fury. "You lied by your actions. You made it seem like you weren't interested in me like _that._ You lack of honesty spoke lies that have hurt me deeply, Edward. And I am uncertain if you have the words needed to soothe the wounds of betrayal that you have made."

Despite my physical strength verses her fragility I coward a little and looked down at my hands. "I apologise for any pain I might have caused you. It didn't seem that way from my perspective. You didn't remember. It didn't seem fair. I didn't want to put pressure on you," I told her truthfully.

"How is _asking_ putting pressure on me?" she asked seething.

I smiled ruefully. "I can be quite persuasive, even when I'm not meaning to be. You used to call it dazzling. But you didn't remember that. In the beginning, before I knew what was happening, I used to dazzle you frequently. It didn't affect you as much as other women, but still I didn't want to dazzle you even accidently after everything. It didn't seem right, so I was waiting for your lead."

"And our first kiss?" she asked as if attempting to corner me.

"Exquisite."

"You apologised," she accused.

"For not having better control of myself, of having to stop because I was out of practice." My tone was hard with my frustration that she didn't believe me.

"You were apologising for not being able to kiss me _more_."

"And the fact that my wanted to was rather ungentlemanly. I felt bad that I hadn't treated you as a lady should be."

"You … were … what?" I could have sworn she growled.

Instead of speaking she sat in thought.

"Attempt to dazzle me, Edward," she ordered me.

I was stunned. She had no idea what she was asking. She was purposefully asking me to take away her free will. On purpose. This sounded like a bad idea. "Sure?" I asked extremely hesitantly hoping that I could trust her to be honest. She rarely had in the past.

"Yes, then maybe I'll understand better." She looked me squarely daring me.

I looked into her eyes like I used to holding her gaze until her eyes dilated, her heart rate quicken, and her breathing become more shallow. Then I looked away.

"Wow," she said after a moment.

"It's a power of my kind," I said my bitterness coating the words. "Most use to lure and stun their prey. You've softened me. For a while just my voice caused all women to want to bear my children." As soon as the words were out, I regretted it saddened by what none of us Cullens would ever have.

"Ever used it purposefully on me?"

"Not really, although until I knew what was happening I did accidently quite a bit. It was very embarrassing and uncomfortable. Sometimes after that I would dazzle you simply because I enjoyed staring into your eyes."

"What would happen if you spoke while you did that?" she asked curious.

My curious Bella.

"I'm not sure. Last time I tried both together was to help you not be afraid while I carried you as I ran," I told her. "It worked too." The memory of those moments came over me and I could not help but enjoy that moment, but then the other moments that came after followed, which were not as pleasant.

"Will you try now?" she asked assuredly.

"I don't know, Bella," I answered concerned on the effect it might have on her.

"Why not?" she asked seemingly both confused and irritated.

"It's intended to be quite persuasive. I could convince you that you were the queen of England."

"Well, choose your words carefully. I trust you." When didn't move she added, "Edward, please, _try_ ," as she smiled wickedly at me.

"I have known no more dangerous creature than you my minx," I teased her.

Then I pulled her into my gaze again. Her body responded in the same way as before. I waited another thirty seconds to make sure she had the full effect before I spoke. Her trust in me was astounding. I chose words that shouldn't have bent her mind to my will.

"I love you Bella with my entire being. I will love you for the rest of my existence. I will love you forever."

Before I finished the last syllable her body moved towards mine like a moth to a flame. One part of my brain told me to softly and carefully put my hands on her shoulders to stop her movement and then to look away. It would have been the gentlemanly things to do. Even though some part of my brain knew she was only acting this way because she was dazzled, that if it weren't for my lure she would want no part of my lips, I couldn't get my body to stop her, the hunger for her too great. Unfortunately, it had been too long since she had been close to me and as usual she was intoxicating. Like it was Christmas I excitingly watched as she propelled herself to me her lips searching for mine instinctually. Her proximity and heat bombarded me right before her lips met mine. My whole body sang. It was if it was made for nothing else. I watched as she closed her eyes and made a sound as if deeply content.

How I wished she could hunger for me like that without my lure. Those first six months after Port Angeles I had been unable to believe that she truly loved me. It had been much more reasonable to assume that she had been merely attracted to all the elements about my body that were made to draw in humans. It had seemed like the perfect penance–for the one human I wanted to drink the most to be the one most pulled in by my lure. Almost killing her on her birthday had cemented in me that I was being too selfish to enjoy her company when I was the bait luring her to her destruction. Since our kiss seven months ago, I had kept myself closely in check and had watched her carefully for any sign that she wanted me without my lure. In the week after we kissed the first time she had looked at my lips and licked hers sometimes, but not once had her body, even unintentionally, moved towards mine.

All of my hard work had been undone the instant I had allowed her lips to meet mine. I had proven once again that it was not me she craved, but it was simply my lure that drew her in. I wanted her to want to kiss me and choose to do so without my lure's influence. However, with her lips against mine I couldn't find it within me to care. Her movements were becoming more frantic. Her lips moved against mine in a ravenous fashion. If that were not enough to fuel the beast, she opened her mouth and moved her tongue against my lips as if to part them.

With great reluctance I pulled my mouth back from hers just enough to speak. "Bella, please, stop before I do something we both regret," I pleaded with her.

She looked as if she were a combination of upset, disappointed, and irritated. For reasons unknown it brought forth a very foggy memory of me in britches and my mother saying, "Edward Anthony Masen you get right back here this instant." Twice before, since Bella had come into my life, she had resurrected a human memory of my mother. It was the greatest of gifts that she could have given me. I had been so wrapped up in seeing my human memory that I had not noticed that she had moved closer to me until her lips were once more on mine. This kiss was not like our last ones. I could feel the change in the pressure she was exerting. It was if she believed that more pressure applied could pry my lips open. With great effort I tried to convince my body to back away, but it would not budge. Instead, as if they had a life of their own, my lips tangled and danced with hers fervently enjoying what she was doing. A small part of my brain wished that she could want to do this without me having to convince her, that she truly wanted me.

While kissing me she, one by one, undid the buttons to my shirt. Somehow my hands had ended up in fists fighting between stopping her and bring her in closer to me. When the last of my buttons were undone, she put her hands inside my shirt sending flames of pleasure through my skin in every place she touched. She placed her hands on my back and, I would guess from the change in pressure, attempted to bring me closer to her. Instead, she effectively brought herself so that she was sprawled against me. Every cell in my body was in a heightened state. She ran her hands all along my back bringing them closer and closer to the top of my pants each pass exciting and scaring me even more. After 14 passes she took two of her fingers and pushed them under my belt. The beast roared inside of me demanding that I take her. She was begging me, literally throwing herself at me, this was the sign that it had patiently grudgingly been waiting for. Instead I fled. As I did so I couldn't stop the irony passing through my mind. The very first time I had brought her here I had fled from her, but from the call of her blood. This time it had been the call of her body. But this was exactly what I had been trying to prevent. I didn't want her to want the carnivorous flower parts of me.

I looked to see if she was all right and found her frenetically attempting to find me all the while shaking her hands out as if I had damaged them in some way.

"Edward?" she asked frantically.

"I'm still here, love. Give me a minute," I told her loudly enough that she was sure to hear me.

I worked at calming myself, caging the beast once more, bringing my temperature back to normal, and using whatever mental images necessary to return all parts of me to a relaxed position.

"I'm sorry," she said as tears began to fall down her face.

I wanted to run to her and comfort her, but I couldn't, as I wasn't calm enough, although her tears did help quicken my progress. When I deemed myself able, I returned to her side.

"Oh, Bella, don't cry," I pleaded.

"I hurt you," she said factually.

Was that what she thought? I guess I hadn't properly explained the difference between us.

"No, Bella. You didn't hurt me. I'm nearly indestructible. Please, Bella."

"Then why did you run away?"

"Because the desire became too much. I was losing control."

"What could happen if you lost control?" she asked confused.

"I could kill you."

"Oh." Half a minute later she mumbled under her breath, "I am such an idiot."

I worked at keeping my features neutral hoping that she would forget how I had just told her how well I could hear her. She looked deep in thought, so I waited.

Eventually she spoke again, "Edward, this is impossible. You are waiting for me to make a move because you don't want to offend me, which simultaneously when I do I push too far because I can't possibly know your limits." She pulled in breaths as if she were willing herself to calm down. Had what she had said upset her? She frowned. "Do you do this a lot? Create impossible situations for us?" she asked almost rhetorically.

Her question startled me. Certainly I had never intended to do that or even thought of it in that manner, but as I reviewed our history I couldn't help but conclude, "Yes, I suppose I do, but I don't mean to." Only Bella could make sure a connection. She really was a wonder.

"Okay," she said simply as if my honesty soothed any wounds my actions had created. She watched me carefully. I was so afraid I was going to lose her as I watched her mind work. Eventually she continued on, "How about instead you be honest with me about what you want, what is comfortable for you, and where the lines need to be?"

It sounded so simple when she put it that way, but I knew that wasn't the case. We had always struggled with talking about these things. I wondered if her being nineteen now would make a difference. Certainly in other ways I had watched her body and mind mature.

"I don't want you to want me because of the parts of my vampiric nature that draws you in," I tried to explain.

"Vampic?"

"From the word vampire. That is what I am. The Quileutes call us cold ones, as it is a translation from their original language, but in English the word is vampire."

"Huh. Okay, cognitive therapist. You were saying."

"My body is designed as a lure. Everything about me draws you in, my smell, my voice, my looks. My gaze is intended to stun and persuade. It's all a very effective killing machine. I don't want that to be why you want to be with me."

"Is that why you've kept your distance since our first kiss?"

"Um, yes, no?" I answered.

"Explain," she demanded.

"Yes, it's part of it. The other was that I wanted to treat you right. The fact that I took you on unchaperoned dates would have scandalized my human mother."

"Unchaperoned dates? Really? Edward." She shook her head. "When were you born?"

"1901," I told her meekly while looking at her reaction through my eyelashes.

"No wonder," she mused.

I looked back up at her confused by her reaction.

"You've been courting me?" she asked slowly as if putting pieces together.

"Naturally."

"You didn't instigate physical touch because you were respecting me as a lady and because you didn't want me to be drawn to your nature."

"Yes, yes," I said hesitantly unsure of where she was going and getting more concerned by the minute.

"Are you aware, Edward, that it is no longer the early 20th century?"

"Uh, yes," I replied even more hesitantly certain that she was leading me into a trap where I would lose a limb.

"So, why would you think, I, a 21st century girl would know that was what you were doing unless you told me?" she asked irritated.

"Because you like Jane Austen and Emily Brontë?" I hedged.

"You are an idiot."

"Yes, well, Alice says I'm a blockhead regularly. I never claimed that I wasn't, Bella."

"You were courting me all this time," she muttered, it seemed to herself.

I kept my mouth shut letting her work out whatever was obviously turning in her head.

"So did you court me before my accident?" she looked at me accusingly.

I hung my head. "Um, no. We met, we came to the meadow, we kissed, James tried to kill you, and then we spent all our time together through the summer. No courting. I felt terrible about it. I wanted to do it right this time. I wanted to make my mother proud."

Whatever irritation that was on her face suddenly disappeared and she looked at me with an immeasurable expression.

"Are you a momma's boy?" she asked her eyes alight in mirth.

"Um, yes?" I answered. "That was a good thing in my era. To make your parents proud was something to strive for."

"Does that translate to Esme? Do you try to make her proud?"

"Undoubtingly."

"You should have told me, Edward," she stated accusationally.

"The women in my house said the same thing. I didn't know how to start the conversation. If I dated as a human, I don't remember. And I've never courted a woman since my transition."

"Edward, you're like 106 years old. How is that possible?"

I growled. "No," I stated emphatically. "I'm 17. I'm frozen at 17."

"Okay," she relented. "Seventeen. But surely you've grown, developed, changed, if not physically, mentally?"

I shrugged. "You should ask Carlisle that question. I don't know. I don't feel like I've changed."

She nodded and had a look like she would take me up on that suggestion. God help me.

"Are you being completely serious Edward? There has never, not once, in all your years on this earth, been a woman that you've pursued."

"Not before you."

"Wow."

"So, you see, I am terribly inexperienced in these matters. I didn't know how to approach such a subject. Before I didn't have to. And I honestly thought you knew we were dating."

"Ignorance or afraid?"

"Yes, yes. I was afraid in how to act properly, so I relied on the training my human mother instilled in me and talked to Esme."

"And, if my math was right, Esme wasn't born that much before you."

"That's true."

"So, her knowledge of dating matters is from an era similar to yours?"

"Yes."

"Everyone else?"

"Yes, except Carlisle, but he was born in the 1600s. Rosalie is the youngest born 1915. Alice got some books from the library and tried to convince me that modern women were far different, but I had thought we were doing well, so I kind of brushed her off," I told her sheepishly.

"You seem to act a lot out of your fear," she mused but appeared to be talking to herself. After a few moments she looked up at me sternly. "I want your solemn vow as a gentleman that for the next week you will be completely transparent with me. If you are afraid to do something, you will tell me, and we will decide together."

"Some partial truths help ease things in polite society," I parroted as if I had conjured my human mother.

"No. Not between us. Just this week."

"You're dangerous, minx," I told her teasingly attempting to lighten the mood.

She smiled. "And proud of it."

"Fine. I solemnly vow." I grumbled knowing that a gentleman should always go first in these matters. Trying to find the words I considered what to say for a minute. "Then I should start with your question that I never answered."

She had a look like she was thinking and then her face lit up and she smiled at me in anticipation.

I sighed disliking this already. "Part of it is practise," I started out with. "The more time we are together the more our bodies are near each other, the more practise I have with things like kissing, then the better I'm able to manage. And …"

"Yes?" she encouraged.

"I need you to stop when I ask," I told her wishing that I didn't have to.

She looked down. "I tried. Honestly, Edward, but I had no control over my body. I was wrong to ask you to try your dazzling. I'm glad we did it; don't get me wrong. I understand you better as a result. I just had no idea that I would react like that."

I grinned broadly enjoying her being truthful with me. "You bodily reactions are normal for you," I assured her. "It's just that usually I have better control, so it's not a problem."

She frowned.

"What?" I asked hoping she would share her thoughts.

"I don't like the idea that my body usually gave itself over to you without my approval. If I do something, I want to it to be because I'm choosing to. So, I agree with you after trying it. No dazzling. Too dangerous. Thank you for showing me, though. I learned a lot."

I smiled sadly that her words probably meant that she would keep her distance moving into the future. "Agreed," I told her nonetheless.

After a few moments she spoke. "I'd like to ask another question, if you're still okay."

I settled into the ground more solidly her tone indicating that I wouldn't like this topic. That probably meant only one thing–Jacob.

"Go ahead," I told her.

She moved her hand over to mine and started making patterns on the back. The feeling of her warmth in this place with that motion gave me hope.

"You looked really sad when you mentioned about women wanting to bear your children."

The vow I just had taken came to mind, so I decided to be blunt. "We can't bear children."

"At all?" she asked as if in confirmation with no surprise in her voice.

I nodded. "And I don't like that I would be taking that chance away from you."

She looked like she had made some connection in her head.

"I see" was all her managed, but that wasn't enough.

"Do you, Bella? Really?" I looked at her pleading.

Her eyes held understanding and warmth. "Yes, Edward I do. You love me in such a way that you want the best for me and since you are incapable of giving me children, which I assume, was very important when you were raised, you see yourself as a failure and Jacob as someone who could give that to me."

I looked down unable to comprehend how she saw me so well. "He is not a bad match for you," I told her softly.

"Perhaps, but Edward that's my choice. I'm not some toy for the two of you to fight over and the winner gets the prize. I am my own person and it's my life. I get to choose."

"I never would have wanted to imply otherwise, Bella. I just want what's best for you."

"And what's best for me is for me to decide, not you. You might not like my choice, Edward. You might disagree even, but it's my body, my life. I'm a 21st century girl, Edward. I'm not an object for possession."

"I would never-" I started but she held up her hand in the universal sign of stop.

"I'm not accusing you, only stating how I see things." She took a deep breath. "I have a confession I need to make."

I nodded for her to go ahead, but unable to speak due to the terror filling me.

"I kissed Jacob."

"I know," I told her letting out the breath I had been holding.

"No, Edward, listen. Two days ago when you told me that you drink blood, I ran to Jake's house, and I kissed him."

I attempted to arrange my features into neutrality, but the pain and disappointment that her words conjured went across my face before I reined them in. I had no way to know if Bella had seen them or not.

"That does upset you," she accused.

"Of course it does. Just because he can give you what I cannot doesn't mean I have to like it. Nor do I have to like having my fiancée's lips on another man's," I stated angrily the words leaving my mouth before I could count their cost.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Maybe I did that before the accident, _Edward_." Her voice was seething. "But I can't _remember_. And I had assumed these past months that you and I were just hanging out. A romantic relationship takes both people on the same page agreeing to the same terms. Well, at least according to Sue." Her voice had dropped at the last sentence and she paused for a moment saddened by something, but when she looked at my once more there was nothing there but anger and hurt. Her voice mirrored her expression. "We don't have a relationship beyond a friendship, Edward," she stated coldly particularly emphasised on my name as if my very name brought her chills, " _because_ until today you hadn't _told me_ that you were courting me. I'm not the mind reader. On top of that, you don't own me and until I make a commitment to you otherwise, then I'm free to kiss whomever I damn well please. _Maybe_ if you had been more forthright, and _told_ me we were going steady," she strangely used her hands to make quotation marks in the air for the last two words. I had no idea what that meant. I put that aside as she continued on her rampage, "then I wouldn't have done that. It's not like _you_ wanted to kiss me anyway. Ever since our first kiss you've only kiss me when I've asked you to or attack you."

"I want to all the time."

"Right. But you _don't_. You hold yourself back all the while _claiming_ that you're doing so for me. You're a liar and a damn skilled one at that. Well, I'm not buying that bull anymore. Maybe I used to, but I'm not her. And _I_ think that under all your old-fashioned ways and gentleman behaviour is fear. You're afraid and I'm tired of you using me as your excuse. Just own your own crap, Edward." Her eyes narrowed even more and she looked at me as if she might tear out my insides and ask me to eat them. "And if you lie to me again, tell half-truths, omit things, hide things, say one thing when it also means something else, say anything other than the complete and God's honest blunt truth about the smallest thing, the most infinitesimally smallest thing, Edward, I swear you will lose any future with me. I will not build a future with _anyone_ based on lies, cover ups, and secrets." Then she took a deep breath and huffed it out, as if to calm herself.

I decided that nineteen-year-old Bella kitten-tiger anger was terrifying and not so kitten like.

She suddenly looked as if she'd run a marathon. "Edward, I'm cold and worn out. I want a warm bath in your sister's tub and some of your mother's cooking."

An idea came to mind. "Since you're worn out, may I request the privilege of carrying you, on my back if you'd rather, while I run back to the car?"

She paused in thought. "Sure, why not?"

In a blink I had everything back into the basket. "Climb up monkey," I teased her hoping to lighten the mood.

She stood up.

I crouched down and she got on my back without instruction, as if her body remembered, she wrapped her arms around my neck and her legs around my torso. The closeness was superb. I went to bring her hand to my face to take in her scent, but decided against it as I wasn't sure if she was still upset.

"In the beginning you used to need to close your eyes," I told her as a warning. "I promise not to go too fast."

I didn't wait for her to respond and set out at a gingerly pace. Her heart rate increased slightly, but nothing to indicate fear. When we got to the car, I took her keys from her pocket, opened her door, placed her inside, and got into the driver's side before her eyes had returned to their regular dilation.

"Like?" I asked grinning broadly as I had enjoyed myself immensely.

"Yes," she answered, but robotically as if her mind was off somewhere else.

I decided to speak my thoughts, albeit lightly, more refined, and softer. "You are welcome to stay at my house and in my bed every night for the rest of eternity."

She said nothing and did not indicate that she even had heard me.

I wheeled the car around and headed towards my house. As I drove, I tried to figure out what had just happened. Bella had been right. The honesty, although difficult, had been helpful. At least, even though she was upset, she was speaking with me. She had echoed what my family had been saying over these past months. I had needed to be more open with her, to express my wishes to her, and to ask her for what she needed. I had been too cautious with my words. The vow she had forced from me hung heavy as did her threat. As a mind reader, I lied all the time for no reason other to keep other's confidences. I was terrified she was asking me to betray others, which I did not want to do. If that was the cost she was asking me to pay to keep her, I would and more, but it seemed unfair to my family and others who had no choice that I could hear them.

At the same time I was also frightened by my inability to control my desire when she had come so near. I could have so easily harmed her. I seemed to be ruled by strong impulses that overrode my need for propriety. I didn't have any ideas of what do to about that except to form strong lines that I would not cross. This seemed to be at odds with her request for openness and the vow I had taken. I was trapped, but it was only for a week.

As we got into range to hear my family they were each occupied with their own activities. They each were purposefully keeping their thoughts to themselves, even Esme. It seemed odd that she wouldn't be brimming with curiosity. Perhaps she was attempting to contain herself for Bella's sake. I purposefully tuned everyone down. I didn't need any more voices in my head than my own. When we pulled into the house everyone had dispersed. I wasn't sure why they had done that.

I looked at Bella. "What now?

"Bath and a change of clothes. Will Alice mind?"

"I doubt it. Her and Jasper aren't otherwise occupied."

I went round and opened Bella's door and helped her out. As I opened the front door Alice came down the stairs.

"You rang?" she said playfully but there was a tone of remorse and trepidation underneath.

Bella blushed, but eyed Alice wearily.

"Yes, Alice, would you be able to help Bella with her request?"

"Certainly."

"You want anything particular to eat Bella?" I asked.

"No, anything would be fine. Thank you."

"Okay, I'll have something ready for you when you get out."

She smiled as her cheeks turned pink.

I told Esme on the way to the kitchen no longer bothering to appear human, "Mom, I was wondering if you'd be willing to help me make something. I think it needs to be warm."

She smiled widely as she joined me in the kitchen. "Of course, dear."

Alice had walked at a human pace upstairs with Bella and had a bath already prepared for her, of course. She really was a good friend to Bella.

"So, how did it go?" Esme whispered to me when she got into the kitchen.

I felt comforted. Esme did want to know and she was just trying to be discrete around Bella.

"Some parts good. Some parts not so good."

"How about I show you how to make ratatouille?"

I just nodded my eyes wide.

"Well, spill," Esme commanded cheekily smiling at me.

"The truth parts were good. Helped us understand each other better. But she was mad at me for holding so much back from her. I just didn't want to pressure her, mom. I wasn't lying, but she's upset with me nonetheless. She threatened that if she gets less than full disclosure I'll lose her. I can't do that, Mom."

"Yes, son, you can. So, we'll need pasta, some pasta sauce, some sausage, and some vegetables."

I went to get the ingredients she had listed. "How?"

"I always prefer when Carlisle gives me everything. Then I feel freer to make a choice. Now boil the water."

I froze and stared at her open mouthed. "Holding nothing back?"

"Nothing. His wants, his needs, his fears, his joys, everything. Put the sausage into the skillet."

I shook my head trying to imagine being that transparent.

"Most men resist that level of intimacy, of vulnerability. There is nothing scarier than to bear everything to someone you love and risk rejection." She looked at me carefully. "You have done it your way. You've held your cards close all the while insisting that it was for her own good. Perhaps, you are using this as an excuse to avoid true intimacy. You need to cut up the vegetables to half inch sizes."

I shook my head and started cutting.

"What do you have to lose at this point, Edward? You know how hard it is for you to be without her. We all know. Why not Bella? Turn the sausages."

"She's self-sacrificing. She might say yes for my sake rather than for her own."

"Edward, my son, you cannot protect her from herself. I'm not suggesting that you attempt to manipulate her. I am suggesting that you be honest about your feelings for her and how important she is to you. Okay, now that the water is boiling add a cup of pasta."

I don't know if I've ever felt more human than in this moment, in the kitchen with my mom, cooking, and talking about relationships.

"What if I do all that and she chooses Jacob?"

"Turn the temperature of the water down by half and add a pinch of salt." She placed her hands onto my shoulders and looked into my eyes. "Then she chooses Jacob, but at least you'll know you gave it everything you could."

She started helping me with the chopping. How many stories have been told about the bravery and courage needed to conquer the heart of a maiden? I understood in it concept, but in practise was nothing short of pure terror.

"How much?"

"How much cutting or how much about Bella?" Esme smiled.

"Bella," I answered snarkily.

"Everything, Edward."

"Even when I shut down? You mean everything?"

"Perfect. Add the vegetables to the sausages. Yes, Edward everything. Bella's always been strong. You won't break her."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that. I almost did today." I added the vegetables.

"What happened?"

"Bella asked for me to use our power of lure while speaking to her on her so she could understand why I've been so cautious." I paused.

"Okay. You need a strainer." I looked at her confused. She moved and grabbed it. "This."

I nodded.

"Turn off the burner to the pasta. Pour the water and pasta into the strainer. Right, like that. Now put the pot aside and add the pasta to the skillet. Mix. Then turn down to low." She looked at me to continue.

"Well," I looked at my feet. "She attacked me lustfully and it's been so long … I … wanted her … and I didn't want to stop."

She looked at me carefully and asked softly, "But you did?"

"Yes, mom, I did."

"Edward Cullen, listen here, there is no reason to be ashamed of wanting the woman you love."

"But I almost didn't stop."

"I can't say for sure, because I'm a girl, so you need to talk to Carlisle, but I feel fairly certain that is a common problem shared by most males." She schooled her features and looked at me seriously. "Promise you'll talk to him about it."

Everything in me did _not_ want to talk to him about this, but I couldn't tell Esme no, and since Carlisle was in the house there was no way I would get out of it. "Okay, Mom, I promise." Finally she released me from her stare.

While Esme and I had spoken Bella and Alice had talked. I had tried to not listen in, but it was catalogued in my brain if I ever was curious.

Alice who wins the prize for perfect timing arrived just at that moment with Bella.

"Smells good." Bella looked at me. "I didn't know you could cook."

"I can't. Esme can. I just followed her instructions." I smiled.

Esme wrapped her arm around me. "And what a great job you did." She turned off the burner and served Bella the dish in a bowl giving her a hug and peck on the cheek in the process. It smelled revolting, but Bella seemed to enjoy it.

Esme and Alice left and I sat in the stool next to Bella. I listened to the rhythm of her heart and lungs allowing them to calm me and help me find courage. When she was almost done I asked her, "So, did you have other idea of what you wanted to do while you're over?"

She pondered.

"If you have more questions you need to ask, that's okay too, although I'd prefer to do so in my room. If you rather not talk, that's all right as well. We could stay in the living room, I could play the piano, or you could spend time with the rest of my family. They all enjoy your company. Whatever, Bella. It's up to you," I rambled.

"You make it up to me a lot."

I thought about that.

"Would you rather I didn't?"

After a few minutes she replied, "I like it sometimes, but it would be nice sometimes if it would be up to you."

"Would right now be one of those times?"

She smiled tiredly. "Yes, I would like that."

"Then I would like, after you're finished, if we went to my room and I told you some things on the same conditions we had at the meadow."

"Sparing nothing?"

In nodded. I wondered if she could see the fear in my eyes.

She finished her last bite and jumped down from the seat. "Okay."

I smiled at my thought. "May I carry you?"

Her eyebrows came together and then the edges of her lips turned upwards. "Okay," she answered hesitantly.

Quickly I put the dish in the dishwasher and then I bent down and put my arm under her legs and lifted her up so that she was in my arms. She squealed. Then I ran up the stairs and slowed only after we were in my room. She giggled, but put her hands on her knees.

"You okay?"

"Yes. I'm fine Edward. It's just a will take some adjustment. I liked it though."

"Not sparing my feelings?"

"No." She smiled genuinely. "It was fun."

I smiled back. I got into the bed and rested my back against the headboard.

"Edward, if you don't sleep, why do you have a bed?" Bella asked curiosity filling her words.

All these months I had wondered when she would ask that question. I looked at my hands. "I bought it for you. My room looked different before we started dating. I had only a couch and it was a different colour theme."

Her eyes got bigger. "You changed your whole room for me."

"Of course." I waved my hand. "It's not a big deal."

She shook her head back and forth and joined me on the bed leaning against the far post. She seemed to be waiting for me. I thought I'd start with the easier topic and build up the courage for the tougher on.

"First, I needed to clarify something about your threat."

She raised her eyebrow at me.

"I often hide my reactions to thing and such because I don't want to betray other's confidences. Unless they're directing their thoughts to me, of course, and expecting an answer."

"So, you're a skilled liar in order to protect others?" she challenged.

I swear the whole house chuckled.

"Then tell me Bella how you want me to go about this. It's not fair for others that I can hear their thoughts and it's not right that I betray what should be private. I will, for you, but I'd rather not. It feels wrong to do so."

Everyone in the house stilled.

"A monster that knows right from wrong and is struggling with ethics, huh? Doesn't sound like much of a monster to me," she deadpanned.

"Bella," I whined. "I'm being serious," not wanting to get off topic.

"As am I." She paused. "You're right, though. Your gift does add a complication." Then her face scrunched in a way that I knew she was thinking some more. "Simple. Instead of pretending and lying to me, simply say, 'Esme thought something that I was reacting to.' And I'll promise not to press the matter. Truth takes trust, Edward. I have to trust you and you have to trust me. Trust built on lies is not trust."

The whole house moved again each individual going back to his or her project. No doubt relieved, although I wasn't going to check.

"In that case … So … um … see … well … I thought … since you asked to know more about my nature … perhaps I should mention … how things are for me … regarding us." I finally found the courage to look up and into her chocolate eyes. There I found the calmness and stillness that I needed.

"Yes, I'd like that."

I looked at her questioningly.

She nodded.

"See … the things is … I don't do well without you." The last words came tumbling out quickly.

"Edward, wow, you can talk fast. You have to slow down for me. Say the last bit again."

I implored her with my eyes.

She sat patiently and waited.

Finally I repeated, "I don't do well without you."

Her eyes squinted and she came nearer facing me. She took her hand and began making patterns on my hand and up my arm. I remembered the first time she did that. It was so pleasant. "What do you mean?" she eventually asked.

What would I do if I lost this? Esme's warning came to me, not to mention Bella's threat. What if I lost this because I didn't say anything?

"Do you remember when you came and helped my family with me?"

She nodded as her eyes grew wider.

"I must have frightened you."

"It was just so much, you know. You didn't frighten me as much as the whole thing together was a little much."

"I don't know what you mean Bella."

"I mean that I knew I was safe. I had absolute trust in you and in your family, but what we did made no sense to me. I knew it worked, but what I observed left me with a lot of questions."

"Any left over ones?"

"One, actually. Why did smelling everyone help you so much?"

I smiled sadly. It was a good question. "Scent is the most powerful of our senses. It is what drives us when we hunt. It alerts us to danger. In this case it reminded me of my history and who I am. My family's scents feel like being home, not a house, but them. It grounded me and brought me back to them, but it was your scent that brought all the pieces together. It's like each of them were a border piece of a puzzle, but you were the centre. You scent made everything else fit together." I watched her for a reaction. Like before she took it well. "Any more?"

"Well, actually, I was curious how you ended up in that state at all."

I watched her make patterns on my hand as I tried to gather my thought in a way that would be understandable to her. "I used to run. When I was overwhelmed with my emotions or I didn't know what to do, I would run. But I had promised you that I wouldn't leave, so I couldn't run, but I couldn't process the idea that you didn't remember me. It was too much." I watched her. She seemed fine. "Something similar happened, but not as bad after you left the first time you came over." Her eyes widened in surprise. "I sat in the corner and rocked and became lost in my emotions. I lost all sense of time and space. Esme, Carlisle, Alice, and Jasper intervened and brought me out of it."

"Have you ever done something similar?"

"Yes, when I left you. I had run to the top of a mountain and became statuesque for over a month. Alice found me and brought me to my family. I sat and rocked for weeks upon weeks."

She rubbed my arm. "You're okay now?"

"Better. But generally, Bella, I struggle without you. You centre my world. Without you it's like I've lost my balance. I don't function really well. My family has been great and they help a lot." I took in a deep breath tasting her scent on my tongue. "I haven't told you Bella, because I don't want you to feel obligated in any way. I truly want you to be free to make the choice that is best for you."

"You don't function well without me?" She asked incredulously.

"No, Bella, I don't," I answered sadly. I looked at her longingly. She looked at me in a challenging way as if reminding me of my vow. Grudgingly I spoke my thoughts, "If you're willing, I'd really appreciate it if you would come and sit closer to me." I evaluated how this new way of interacting felt to me.

She smiled and crawled onto me. She nestled her head into my shoulder. "Now, was that so hard?"

"Yes, but it was worth it." I smiled stroking my hand down her hair. "Thank you," I whispered into her ear.

"You're welcome." After a moment she asked, "Is that normal for cold ones?"

"Yes." I hesitated and she was glaring, so I relented. "I just don't want to pressure you."

She nodded for me to continue.

"We only have one spouse and I have chosen you."

"What if I declined?"

"Then I would love no other."

"Ever?"

"Ever."

There was heavy silence between us.

"Do you have more questions?" I asked hoping for a change of subject.

"What's it like, the change?"

I closed my eyes and leaned down into her hair taking in a deep breath. It was much easier now that we had spent a day together.

"Excruciatingly painful. All of us screamed during the transformation to be killed in order to stop the pain. Nothing helps it. It is as if you are on fire from the inside. Time and place become meaningless. Usually, though, there are moments when you can hear what's going on around you despite the pain. I don't want you to go through it."

"Is that why you don't want me to be changed?"

"I have many reasons that being one, also our existence is difficult. The desire for blood can be all consuming. I am afraid that you will hate me for turning you into a monster, even though before you were quite insistent about it. I've had a long time to think about it, and I'm still not sure I'm glad Carlisle did it, although I'm grateful for his desire to save me from death."

"Edward," she warned. "Remember what I said about monsters?"

I hung my head nodding. She wasn't going to let that go.

"How does it work, practically?" she asked as if she had said nothing prior.

"I would have to bite you to force venom into your system without actually drinking you."

"Can you do that?"

"I stopped once before when I removed James' venom from your system. Carlisle thinks and you used to think that I could do it, but I don't know. I've never changed anyone before and I hate the idea of causing you pain."

"But you would do it, if I asked you to."

"I had already promised you that I would."

"After the wedding?"

"After the wedding and the honeymoon."

Her eyes looked sunken thoughtful. "You really do love me."

"With all that I am till the end of my existence."

She was still a long while thinking.

"Will you sing to me?" she finally said.

"Of course." I started with her lullaby.

Talking to Bella hadn't really fixed anything, but it did calm the tornado inside. She knew that I loved her. She knew that I didn't live life well without her. She knew that I would do the very thing I thought was abominable out of love for her. It wasn't everything. It wasn't a promise or even an indication that she would choose me. Nevertheless, I found myself in the most content state that I had been in since we had just returned from Italy as I felt her fall asleep in my arms.

* * *

 _A/N: The imagery of Edward as a carnivorous flower comes from Haemophilus Leona's story Forever Frozen here on FF._


	35. Jacob-Fair's Fair

Chapter 35: Jacob-Fair's Fair

* * *

After we had kissed and Bella had left, I had imagined her running back to me the next day, flinging herself into my arms, and us creating our happily ever after together. Well, as much as that can happen when you're genetically designed to kill leeches. Instead, shortly after she left, I heard two short howls. Immediately I left the garage, stripped down, and phased. Through Brady and Paul's eyes I saw the fortune-telling leech up in a tree. I put paws to the ground getting there as fast as possible. Paul and Brady were arguing on who was going to go talk to our unwelcomed leech and tell it to leave. I stayed out of the argument. In the end, Paul pulled rank. Shortly after, I lost Brady's perspective.

 _We going to get us some tic for dinner?_ Paul asked me.

 _Sounds good to me,_ I let him know.

The fortune-teller refused Brady's request. He didn't go all Rambo on her or anything, but, given he was the second youngest of the pack, and that even I have had to remember that the fortune-teller is a killer, he got the message across. The fortune-teller claimed that she had come into our land to save Bella, as if we couldn't do that ourselves. It was insulting. I mean, come on, I saved her bony ass with her supple lips and–

 _Seriously, man? I know you think she's hot, but I don't want to hear that,_ Paul interrupted my memory of my arms around her, saving her, bringing her back to life.

So, the fortune-teller's claim was bogus.

 _That's what I'm saying,_ Paul agreed.

 _Is Bella really in danger?_ I had to know.

 _Dude, I can't tell. There's a whole bunch of trees between me and her. That's why the tic is up in the tree._

Paul's irritation only spurred me on. The fortune-teller might be a leech, but she was a fortune-teller and if she thought Bella might be in danger, then who was I to argue? Bella wasn't ever going to get hurt while on our land. We would show them, I would show all of them that the best place for Bella was right here in La Push with me.

Right about the time Brady phased back Sam joined in.

 _Report,_ he commanded.

 _One Cullen, the fortune-teller, passed the boundary line and is refusing to leave,_ Paul told him.

He replayed his memory catching the scent, following it, and then everything up to Brady phasing back.

 _Jake, go home,_ Sam commanded.

 _No,_ I told him.

 _Jake, if you get within one mile of the Cullen you're going to be sitting out for another month. I don't want to command you in case something does happen, but tensions are already high enough and the council would be very upset if something were started without a good reason and her just sitting in a tree, although a violation of the treaty, isn't reason enough to go to war. Attacking her, even simply because tempers ran high, is unlikely to end well. And right now Jake you're too emotionally involved to think clearly. I need you as backup, but not here next to her and near Bella._

 _Fine,_ I relented, _but I'm staying close._

 _And that means Bella to. At least a mile away._

 _Really, Sam? Is that necessary?_

 _Yes. Attacking is a moot point right now, since we can't even reach her, and she was good at getting out of the way at the trainings. But if something were to happen to Bella on our watch … even accidently. No, everyone is better off if we play nice with our neighbouring bloodsuckers._

In the middle of Sam's speech Jared had phased in. _Wow, what did I miss,_ he thought, but that hadn't slow Sam down.

 _No way man. If Bella is going to jump then we're going to save her and show her and those leeches that we can take care of our own._

 _Then go be in the woods by the bottom of the cliff._

 _Fine,_ I grumbled and changed direction.

Then Sam turned his attention to Jared, filled him in, and then ordered the three of them to keep watch while he tried to reason with the fortune-teller. Not much longer after we lost Sam's perspective the mood-alterer showed. That wasn't good, as we all knew he was the most skilled fighter of the Cullens. Brady thought we were getting worked up over nothing.

 _Seriously guys, Alice was just worried. She's not hurting anyone._

 _She's broken the treaty. We have every right to take a chunk out of her,_ Paul pointed out.

 _For what? Being afraid something would happen to Bella? It's not like that girl has much luck in that department. Or did you forget that Bella was just at the hospital a few months ago. Come on, she has jumped and almost drowned before. It's not like Alice is being completely ridiculous or anything. I bet if she hit her head again she might just forget who she was forever._

 _Or she might remember. Cause there was this movie where this guy didn't know who he was, right? And he was trying to figure it out. And then he accidently hits his head and could remember,_ Jared added.

 _Is that even a movie?_ Paul asked.

 _Totally is._

 _Guys, it's not about that at all. We have a treaty. They stay on their land and keep off of ours. Simple. Just like the part where is says they aren't to bite anyone. Simple. Everyone wants to go make it complicated when it doesn't need to be. There's a treaty, if they violate it, we get to rip them to shreds, end of story,_ I pointed out.

 _Not sure if Sam's going to side with you on that one, Jake,_ Jared said sheepishly.

 _Which one?_

 _Either, both. He doesn't want to go to war and if your leech-loving girlfriend wants to get herself eaten, then we're not going to stop her,_ Paul inserted. _No skin off my nose, although I wouldn't mind going head to head against that big one again._

 _Emmett,_ Brady interjected.

 _What you a leech lover now too?_ Paul jeered.

 _Nope, just figured it would be more efficient. Alice is shorter than 'fortune-telling leech', and Emmett is shorter than 'that big one'. Just helping you out, bro,_ Brady retorted.

 _When did you start caring about efficiency, Brady,_ Paul asked petulantly.

Jared and I laughed at Brady and his logic. He had a point, though. It was shorter.

 _Doc is on his way,_ Sam ordered. _We wait till he shows. Keep guard. I have to call the council._ Sam raced home, which fortunately was on this side of town rather than the other side.

I could just imagine Sam calling Dad and then Dad calling the rest of the council and then Doc. I was sure glad I wasn't head of the council. I'd rather take chunks out of them and burn them then have to be in Dad's shoes playing all nice.

Jared and Paul agreed that if they were given a choice they'd stick with being a protector than sitting on the council.

Jared, Brady, and Paul bickered about what we should name each of our neighbouring leeches and I threw in an option or two. Mostly I focused my attention on our two unwanted guests and tried to catch what they were saying. Eventually the bickering was getting in the way of the surveillance.

 _You know, guys, it would be great if we could hear them better. Then you'd have something to report other than you walked around and waited for Sam to get back._

They grumbled, but agreed. So, for a bit, Paul and Jared looped through the trees in a way to try to hear them. They were whispering such that there was no way to catch what they were talking about, and the things that they said that we could hear were in some kind of code. If nothing else, I had to give them props for being mad good at clandestine activities. Not surprising, really, given that they were bloodsuckers, but still, seeing them in action was something else.

It didn't take long for Sam to phase back. _Any change?_

 _Nope,_ Paul reported.

 _We wait,_ Sam decided.

Whenever Sam was part of the pack mind the guys tended to tone it down some. It was part of why I didn't want to be Alpha. To be Alpha meant responsibility I didn't want, but it also meant being the person who sets the rules, that was set apart, who wasn't one of the guys. And I liked being one of the guys. Being Beta worked just fine for me.

The mood-alterer announced that Doc was coming and Sam went to talk to him.

The guys were paying attention to the conversation to see what was going to happen next. Sam asked them the question we'd all been asking since they got back: why didn't they just leave Bella alone. Then Doc started talking about how the vermin had no other choices and would rather die than lose Bella, which I just couldn't see myself. Then he went on about imprinting trying to tell us that Edward had imprinted on Bella. Quil was going to love this. I swore I was never going to hear the end of it.

 _Told you Quil had a point,_ Jared threw in my face.

 _Go stuff it. Doc's wrong anyway. He just said he didn't know anything about imprinting,_ I pointed out.

 _Nah, he just said that to be polite. Doc knows about lots of stuff._

 _Shut your face._

 _Or what, Jake?_ Jared teased, _It's not like you're going to be able to make me with you all the way down there._

Brady chuckled and Paul just ignored us.

 _Watch your back. You just never know,_ I threatened jokingly.

Sam finished up talking, him basically agreeing to them staying until Bella left. Why he let them just walk all over him, I would never know. Then the bloodsuckers called to "update" the ones not there. The sounds that came over the phone were pained like how those red-eyes tics did when they realised that they were going down only it lasted for longer and had a torturous sound to them. I wanted to go over and rip whoever was making that noise apart just so they'd stop with the noises. Finally it quieted down enough for our three unwanted visitors to report what was going on, which was basically a big fat zero.

Collin came in for his shift so Brady could go home, and the whole thing had to be repeated. Not much later Embry joined us, Paul left, and the whole sordid story was told once again.

Eventually, as the sun began to set, the leeches started moving. Doc said something to the fortune-teller and she followed him out. Once the three of them were off our lands I headed home.

 _Peace out,_ I told Collin and Embry right before I phased back.

I went into the house, showered, and helped Dad finish up dinner.

Dad looked unusually stoic.

"Cullens?" I asked after we had started eating.

"Cullens," he said simply but he sounded tired and like he had aged ten years in one day.

"Bella was at the cliff that she jumped from."

"Yeah, I got that," Dad told me.

"I wonder why she went to the cliff. She could have gone anywhere," I pointed out. My irritation grew, "Why didn't she just go back home or something? She caused all this trouble, the treaty got breached, our lands invaded over what? The fact that she couldn't find a better spot to go think? She probably didn't even know we were there. Sometimes. I just don't get it."

Dad looked at me sternly, but said nothing about my rant except, "Has anyone bothered to tell her?"

"Yeah, I pointed out the cliffs one time and told her she had jumped from the top for fun once, and that she hadn't counted on the waves being so choppy, and that I had to go into the ocean to save her."

"I see." After a few minutes he asked, "Did you handle yourself okay?"

"Yeah, Dad."

"Glad to hear it. Carlisle is supposed to call soon. Take care of the washing up, will you?"

"Sure, sure." It would give me a good excuse to listen in anyway.

I had the plates done and was cleaning the pots and pans when the phone rang.

"Blacks," Dad answered.

"Good evening Billy. I hope everything has calmed down there in La Push."

"Yes. Your daughter gave us quite the stir today."

"Yes, I imagined that her actions caused you unneeded worry and stress. I formally apologise on behalf of the family. She went without thought of the consequences for her behaviour solely focused on preventing a second possible jump. As you know, if Bella were to jump, so close on her accident, it could have had dire consequences, not including the risk the sport has for someone like Bella besides."

"I formally accept your apology. Yes, I was informed for her motivations, but Carlisle, the rules are there for a good reason." Dad sounded stern and exasperated. It wasn't like him. "It gives everyone peace of mind and allows for a positive relationship between us when everyone sticks to the same agreement. There can't be exceptions, as noble as hers might have been."

"I understand and I have spoken to her about this."

"Is it under your power to prevent such a reoccurrence?"

"As I'm confident you have experienced yourself, being a leader of your own people, I am limited in the control I have over another individual. However, I can say that an act of open defiance like this uncharacteristic for Alice. It is, in fact, the first time in the 57 years that she had lived with myself and Esme that she has done such a thing."

"We have to know that if you give your word, that you speak on behalf of all of your family members. Otherwise the spirit of the treaty is null and void."

"I concur. I have made this unmistakable to Alice."

"As long as we're clear."

"We are, and I appreciate your leniency regarding her."

"As you know, Carlisle, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. They are meaningless in a situation like this."

"Yes, that is abundantly apparent, which is why your leniency is so prized."

"The council is willing to consider increased cooperation, so if something were to happen in the future we would be rung, and we could then handle the matters inside our own borders as we would do with yours."

"That is a welcomed discussion."

There was a moment of pause and Dad seemed to be collecting his thoughts.

"Sam mentioned something about Edward being imprinted on Bella."

"I appreciate you asking about that and for the opportunity to clarify any misconceptions that might have happened in my coarse attempt to explain the situation to Sam."

"Certainly. Go ahead."

"Our kind can have many different kinds of relationships over the years, but we are only ever given one individual that means the world to us. Both parties, similar to a marriage, enter it into willingly and by choice, but the bond is everlasting. I mentioned that the redhead seeking revenge was the mate to a nomad that had threatened Bella?"

"Yes."

"The bond between two vampires once forged usually means the death of both, if one were to parish. Bella and Edward have not consummated this bond, but two nights before Bella's accident they had become engaged. When Bella was discovered to have amnesia Edward responded to that news by despondent grief. These past months have been very difficult on him. To know that Bella was on that cliff, given its history, was too much for him and so he needed to be restrained while Alice acted in love and a desire to save not just Bella, but also Edward, and in blatant disregarded the treaty."

"I see. So, Edward is bonded to Bella in this way no matter what she chooses?"

"Yes."

"Is she free to choose?"

"Absolutely."

"And if she says no?"

"Then he will respect her choice."

"How can you be certain?"

"Because he is a gentleman raised to be so both by his human parents and then by Esme and myself."

"Would you leave?"

"We need to leave soon either way. We can't ever stay in one place too long unless we're isolated from humanity."

"So, you're waiting on Bella to choose."

"Yes. We're waiting on Bella."

The two of them exchanged the appropriate niceties and firmed up the treaty and whatever else they talked about that I paid no attention to. Everything else was like static as my mind tried to wrap itself around what Doc had just told Dad. I had never seriously considered the possibility that Quil could be right. I felt a little sorry for the vermin. Evidently, when Sam had first imprinted Emily wasn't feeling it, as she didn't want to hurt Leah. I wasn't part of the pack then and Sam didn't think much about that anymore, but Paul and Jared had said that it was the worst feeling. At the same time, the fact that Bella hadn't chosen the vermin pleased me. The images of her running into my arms came back to me.

After dishes were done, I did a perimeter check and went and checked on Bella. Collin and Embry were cool and let me think through things while I ran, never saying anything.

My patrol of her house showed that the vermin had never made an appearance. I hoped that meant she had told him that she never wanted to see him or his bloodsucking family again. Then they'd all leave and we could get on with things.

The morning came and then the afternoon. No Bella. I wasn't sure what that meant, if anything. I started replaying the kiss in my mind seeing if I had missed a sign of her asking to stop. There wasn't one, which left me even more confused. Maybe she just needed time to work things out. I just had to remind myself that although I could remember the last two years, she wasn't so great before the last seven months. That night the bloodsucking mother's scent was in the front lawn, but it didn't seem to go into the house. There was the smell of one of the Cullen cars, a Mercedes I'd guess, but that didn't tell me anything.

I mean, sure, usually Bella came to hang out about once a week, so her not coming by the next day after the cliff incident wasn't totally out of the question. It was just that was had finally, after seven months of waiting kissed again, and I was ready for her to come over and for us do it again. The next night when I went to her place, Bella wasn't there. Same the next night and the next night. I could only assume that she was at theirs.

The only reasonable explanation for her disappearance was that they had bitten her and she was undergoing the process of becoming one of them. I considered laying waste to them at their house, but decided to give it one more day before I started a war. The next night she was home, although the vermin was back in her room.

I couldn't figure out what was going on. As I ran patrol around her house I kept imaging the way she had kissed me the other day, the way her body felt in my hands, and the future I would be able to give her.

 _You promised mothersucker that you would let her go if she chose me. You're not doing a good job of honouring your promise. No surprise there. You're a leech anyway._

I never received any indication he heard me. Before midnight and after Bella was asleep, I went home as Dad still had me under a curfew unless I was patrolling for Sam.

The next morning I called Bella.

"Hello," she answered.

"Hey, Bells."

"Oh, hi Jake."

"I haven't seen you recently. You thinking about coming by today?"

"Nah, I can't, Edward is coming over today to help me with my studies. I'm a little behind and I'm still trying to get caught up so I can go to college."

"Oh, okay."

"But Saturday I'm free."

"Sounds good, Bells."

"Yeah, see you then."

It certainly wasn't the conversation I was expecting. She didn't sound any different at all to before our kiss. Could it have been the kiss? Nah, I decided. The kiss was all good, better than our previous two in fact. No. It had to be something else. Maybe when she kissed me some of her memories had come back and she was figuring out how to kick the bloodsuckers to the curb? There wasn't much to go on really, except that she sounded like nothing had changed between us, which was fine by me. That was why I wanted Bella to be my future. What wouldn't be better than kissing one of your best friends?

On the phone there had been so much that I had wanted to say, but I couldn't. I would wait still Saturday to see her in person. Till then, I wasn't sure what to make of it all. I tried to push all my questions away, enjoy the pack, and the garage until Saturday. I almost managed it.

When I woke up on Saturday it seemed like the morning dragged by. Finally a little before ten, her Guardian arrived at our place and I heard her footsteps out to the garage.

"Hey, Jake," she called out as she opened the door with a big smile.

"Hey, Bells."

"What you working on?"

"A transmission."

She had a blank look.

"It's the part that helps change how fast you go."

She smiled. "Cool," she said taking a seat and watching me work.

We fell into an easy silence as I got back to the part. It was after we had returned from the house with sandwiches for lunch that the silence became heavy.

"Want to talk about it?" I asked her.

"Well, actually, I was wondering if you could show me your wolf self."

That stopped me cold. I stared at her nearly choking on my food.

"What do you mean Bells?"

"Well, at night I have regularly seen the outline of a large wolf that looked like the one in my dream, and when I asked you, you told me that you were a wolf sometimes. I'd like to see." Her tone was strangely calm like it was something anybody would ask a friend, like 'will you show me your DVD collection'.

I gulped. Well, I hadn't disobeyed Sam and I couldn't see how he'd object since she'd seen all of us as wolves before.

"Sure, sure." I got up.

"Now?"

"Sure, why not?"

We walked out of the garage and I went into the backyard and took off my clothes until I was just in my boxers. I noticed that Bella couldn't keep her eyes off me. I turned my back to her to hide my smirk. It was nice to know that I did it for her. I ran into the forest and came back in wolf form. I could hear Sam in my thoughts. Great! And here I was hoping there would be at least some time lapse to when he'd find out. Too late.

"That really you, Jake?" she asked amazed.

I nuzzled her remembering us lying together under the stars while the mood-alterer showed us tricks of how to fight newborns.

"Wow," she muttered.

She stroked my face and side.

I licked her face as I lay down onto the ground.

She got down beside me. The ground was wet and it was drizzling, but she didn't seem to mind. She lay down on me like she had before and seemed to find contentment.

It was how it had always been between us–simply and easy.

Meanwhile I explained to Sam what had happened and he soon saw that I hadn't broken my word, Bella had simply figured it out herself.

 _I couldn't lie to her, not after everyone else has,_ I explained to Sam.

He didn't like it, but he didn't rebut me either.

After a long while she stood up. "I'm soaked Jake. I need to go home."

I put a paw up.

She stilled.

I ran into the forest and put back on my pants and then my shirt.

"You sure? Feels like you just got here."

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"When do I next get to see you?"

"How about tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Okay."

"Bye, Jake. See you tomorrow. Thanks for showing me."

"Yeah, bye."

As soon as she had pulled away, I pulled off my clothes and phased again running with her till her house and stay there until it was late. If the vermin knew I was there, he never said.

I woke up in the morning nervous. Yesterday felt in many ways like how it was before her accident. Were we finally, all these months later, getting back to the conversation we never got to have?

She showed up about the same time and came into the garage just like yesterday. We settled into the same comfortable silence. After a while I couldn't concentrate anymore.

"What you want to talk about Bella?"

"Well … mostly I was wondering your thoughts about us kissing."

Blood filled the back of my neck. "Were you thinking we should do it again?" I asked jokingly.

"Jake!" she whined.

"What?" I asked innocently.

She smiled.

"So, are you and the ver-Edward back together?"

"I still see him, but we're not engaged, if that's what you're asking me."

"He's in your room every night," I spat.

"Jake!" her eyes narrowed. "Have you been spying on me?"

"Not spying. Just patrol. Making sure your safe."

"I'm safe with Edward."

"No, Bells, you're not. I didn't want to have to tell you this, but since you already told me that you know he's not human, then I have to tell you to stop hanging out with him. He is dangerous. _You_ are his food source."

"I know." Her voice dropped and she looked at the ground.

"You know?" I asked shocked.

"Yeah, I had him show me his true nature the other day."

"So, you know he's a cold one?"

"Yeah."

"You know that his kind nearly slaughtered the tribe and without the wolves we wouldn't exist anymore?"

"Yeah, but Edward isn't like that."

"Bells, no matter how much he tries to fool everyone it doesn't change the fact that he is a bloodsucker. How can you know that and still spend time with them?"

"I don't know Jake, because they love me? When I sit here with you I don't see a wolf. I see a good friend who's stuck by me and accepted me. I don't see a cold one when I'm with them. I see a doctor who tries to make the world a little better; I see a mother who loves her children, me included, fiercely; I see a big brother who teases me and rough houses with me, but never manages to hurt me; I see a older sister who is loyal and tenacious and has overcome so much; I see a sister who just wants everyone to be happy; I see a brother who's wise and smart and welcoming; and I see a man who, although hurt me and lied to me, loves me in a beautiful self-sacrificing way, who's tender-hearted and so angry at himself and his lot in life that he can't see the goodness that he exudes."

"Bells, you're talking about the Cleaver family not some bunch of bloodsuckers."

She instantly looked confused. "Who are the Cleavers?"

"Cleavers, really? I don't know, actually. Never watched the show itself. It's a phrase. The Cleavers were like the perfect American family."

"They're not perfect, Jake."

"They couldn't be. They're mothersucking leeches," I retorted irritated.

"Well, neither are your Dad or Sue, Jake," she seethed. "They knew the truth and weren't forbidden like you were. They lied and hid things from me too all while acting like they cared about me. So, don't get high and mighty on me."

"The treaty forbids them from telling you, Bells, same as me," I told her softly.

She looked like the air had been pushed out of her and then she got that look like she was thinking. Her eyes lit up and then she looked down.

"I'm sorry, Jake. That wasn't fair of me. Esme explained and told me that it was the Cullen's stipulation in the treaty that kept the Quileutes from telling me the truth. She told me not to be too hard on you about it, but I hadn't made the connection to Billy and Sue till you pointed it out."

"She said that?" I asked astonished.

"Was she lying?" Bella asked defensively.

"No. No, Bella, she's right. I just wasn't expecting her to defend me."

Bella smiled sweetly. "Yeah, Esme's the best."

"I wouldn't go that far," I teased.

We sat in silence while I tried to wrap my brain around the idea that the mother bloodsucker had told Bella not to be too hard on me. When I looked up Bella looked paler than normal like the blood had drained out of her face.

"What is it, Bella?" I asked worried.

She looked up at me with fear in her eyes. "Did you know that before the accident I had decided to become one of them?"

I started to shake. "Yes," I answered loathingly. "Yes, I knew."

"And?" she asked cautiously.

"And I did everything in my power to stop it. I don't want you to become one of _them_."

"And what if that's what I chose? Would we still be friends?"

"I don't know, Bells. I used to think it was impossible, but I don't know anymore. Do you _want_ to become one of _them_?"

"I don't know, Jake. Did you know that if I choose not to become a Cullen that most likely the Volturi will come and kill each of them, Edward and Esme and Carlisle and Rosalie and Emmett and Jasper and Alice? And despite that they'd rather die than force me to do something I don't want to do?"

"You're not becoming a Cullen, Bella, you'd become a cold one, a stone-cold killer who wouldn't hesitate to kill their own mother or father for their blood, who would become my enemy, the very thing I was genetically designed to kill. You might not remember, but the mood-alterer–"

"–Jasper?"

"Yeah, him. He said that in the beginning cold ones are thirsty bloodsuckers who don't think and run on an instinct of killing and maiming. Their eyes were red and they weren't like your beloved Cullens at all. The Cullens killed half, in fact."

"Yeah. They told me the first years are difficult."

I blanched. "They told you?"

She shrugged. "Yeah. They said it's not an easy life, even after the first years. But that's not the point I was getting at, Jake. They're governed by rules and the rules say I have to die or become one of them."

"We all die eventually, Bells."

"Well, the way they said it, someone is going to come check before I turn ninety or something, and if I'm still human then the Cullens will be massacred for disobeying the law."

I stared at her uncertain of what to say. What did I care if they ceased to exist? No skin off my nose. They were all bloodsuckers.

"Did they tell you what a Volturi is?"

"Yeah. Um, like the royalty that enforce the rules."

"Can't they just leave Forks and go somewhere else or something?"

"I guess not. Something about one of the Guard being able to find them anywhere in the world."

"Oh. That sucks."

"Yeah. And they're leaving it up to me."

I looked at her.

She looked sad and like she was carrying the weight of the world.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?" she answered and looked up at me.

"You can't to it for their sake."

"Yeah, that's what they said."

"Huh." I wouldn't have guessed. "Where does that leave us, Bella?"

The weight of that question lay heavy in the midst of us.

"I'm not sure," she finally answered sadly.

"What does that mean?" I asked angrily.

"It means I'm not sure, Jake," she retorted.

"Come on, Bells. It's not that hard of a decision. I can give you a life, make Charlie happy, we can grow old together, protect you from these Volturi, and you won't be turned into a stone cold killer."

She stood up and stomped off.

I got up and grabbed her arm.

"Come on, Bells. No reason to be like that. Stay. We can talk about something else."

"Let me go Jake you're hurting me."

I dropped my hand.

"I didn't mean to."

"No, Jake, you never do."

Then she ran to her vehicle, got in and drove off.

As soon as I knew she couldn't see me anymore I ran into the backyard and phased following her. Leah was on patrol, which made it easier for me. She usually just ignored everyone.

Bella didn't go home. She headed to _their_ house. I knew that we weren't allowed on their lands as much as they weren't allowed on our lands. But if that fortune-teller could violate the treaty over concern for Bella's safety, then there was no reason I couldn't do the same. Didn't cause a war when she did it. I figured that made me good to go. It would be fine, but I still tried to be stealthy about it, as stealthy as I could be with a mind-reader keeping guard. I weaved in and out from the south getting nearer and nearer.

 _Come on, Jake, don't be an idiot,_ Leah tried to reason with me.

 _Go back to your patrol, Leah, I got this._

 _Fine, but if something happens to you no one can blame me this time._

 _No one blamed you last time._

At that Leah acted like she couldn't hear or see me, which was fine by me.

About a mile from their house, based on when I was here for the graduation party, the big one and the mood-alterer showed up wanting to know what I doing on their lands.

 _Trying to figure out why contrary to reason Bella ran here_ , I answered him, but I doubted he spoke wolf. Where was a mindreader when you needed one? I definitely wasn't shifting into human form. After some tense words, where the vermin obviously could read my thoughts despite the distance, I stiffened and readied myself to pounce, but I found myself irrationally calm and then the blond female and the fortune-teller showed up. Damn bloodsuckers and his gift to change the mood. And there was no way that I was going to win a fight to get past four of them.

 _I just wanted to make sure Bella was okay. There's no need to send the militia,_ I told the vermin.

Over my dead body was some leech going to tell me what to do, but my options were poor. And as long as she hadn't run off to have one of them bite her, I wasn't going to risk the wrath of Sam and the council, so I bowed my head slightly and ran back south. I mean the fortune-teller had stayed on our land for hours, and they had demanded I leave their's minutes after I showed up. They hadn't even let me see her. It was such a double standard. They did what they wanted and we turned a blind eye, but then they could restrict me and keep her from me.

I decided to run for a little while to cool down. The sun was settling when Seth phased. _Hey, Leah. Jake. Leah, mom's looking for you._

 _Okay, sure._

We lost Leah's perspective.

 _You cool?_ Seth asked.

 _Yup,_ I told him.

 _Sweet. Well, your dad asked for you to get home for dinner._

 _Okay, thanks._

Then Seth went to begin his patrol.

I ran home putting pants and shirt back on before I sauntered back into the house.

"Hey, Dad."

He was in the kitchen.

"Hey, Jake. Seth relayed my message?"

"Sure did."

"He's a good kid."

"Yeah, he is." He might be a leech lover, but he was the best anyway.

"Dinner's almost done."

"Cool. Do I have time to shower?"

"If you're quick."

"K. Be right back."

Sure enough just as I was coming out of the shower he put food on the table. We ate in silence and I began to wonder if there was more to Dad's request than just dinner. He had finished his plate and was carefully watching me.

"Is it true Jake that you and Bella got into an argument today?"

I swallowed. "Yeah. She asked if I knew that she had planned on becoming one of _them_ before her accident. It was a tense conversation, but I didn't phase or anything. I kept myself under control."

He nodded. "I'm glad to hear that you were able to not phase. You're right that she would have gotten really hurt if that would have happened."

I nodded and smiled slightly. Exactly.

"Do you remember grabbing her arm?"

I thought back.

"Yeah, sure."

I hadn't been rough with her or anything.

"You left a bruise."

My mouth fell open and I stared at him. His words didn't seem possible. I would never hurt Bella.

"No way, Dad. I was gentle. You know I'd never hurt Bella."

"Yeah, Jake, I know. Unfortunately you weren't gentle enough. Dr. Cullen took a look at it and was able to treat her without her needing to go to the hospital, so there won't be a record. We're lucky he was willing to do that. As you know, if she were to be treated at the hospital, Charlie would be called, and he would have to make a formal report. Fortunately, there isn't any permanent damage, but there are bruises in the shape of your hand on her upper arm."

"He's sure the vermin didn't do it?"

His face fell disappointment evident. "Yes, Jake. Evidently she went straight to the Cullens' house for him to look at it, told him that it wasn't your fault, that it was just an accident, and that you simply forgot how strong you are."

Guilt covered my face. That was exactly the kind of thing I would have imagined Bella saying.

"Oh."

So the leeches were trying to protect Bella against me, because they thought I had hurt her. Well that was a different twist on things, _them_ protecting a human from us.

Dad's look implored me to explain.

"I didn't know, Dad, honest, and she rushed away. I wanted to make sure she was okay so I followed her to the Cullens."

He sighed deeply. "Then what?"

"The mood-alterer and the big one came out and stopped me from going any further. Then the mood-alterer made everything calm and the blond female and fortune-teller came out to. They explained that Carlisle was giving Bella medical treatment and she was safe, so I left. It was no biggy."

"I see. We don't need trouble with the Cullens."

"I just went to check on Bella. I didn't cause trouble."

"But you did cross into their lands?"

"Yeah, sure, the fortune-teller was just here the other day for Bella's sake. Fair's fair."

"I'd like you to stay in for tonight, Jake."

"Sure, Dad. Want help cleaning the kitchen?"

"Yeah, that would be great."

I cleared the table and started on the dishes. Dad's thoughts seemed to be elsewhere than here with me. He settled into reading something while I went to my room to hang. A little bit later there was a knock on the door. Dad answered it.

"Yeah, he's here," he said his tone heavy.


	36. Bella-I'm Not Sure

**Disclaimer: Edward's reaction to going back on the vegetarian diet is taken from Tales of Years: 1927 by Jessica314 here on FF.**

Chapter 36: Bella–I'm Not Sure

* * *

I had ended up spending three nights at Edward's. There was a lot to talking and for the first time I learned the Edward beyond the topics of music, books, and school. He told me stories about his first years when it was just he and Carlisle. We sat in the living room, and the family each told me their story. Three days of seeing the real Cullens, and getting to know them in a different way humbled me. Esme had been right, of course. They were still them, still the Cullens that I had gotten to know over the last seven months, only more. They explained more about the rules of their kind, what had happened in Italy, what had been promised, and what entering their family would really mean. Although when it came to Italy, I had the suspicion that many of the details were left out. I was curious, but this time decided that maybe there was a good reason for the whitewashed version they shared, and didn't press it.

Mostly what I learned was that they hadn't blatantly lied as much as hidden certain aspects of themselves. And the more that they had acted their natural way around me, the more attached to them I became. This resulted from both a combination of having my gut feelings of them confirmed, and the past occasional feeling, as if they were being disingenuous, dissipate. As more information was shared, I found myself grateful–grateful that they hadn't asked me to take this all on in the beginning; grateful for their wisdom; grateful for their patience; and most of all grateful for their love.

During this process, something inside of me settled, became less hesitant, and thus whatever parts of me that had been held back lessened in turn. That wasn't to say my uncertainty about the whole truth was gone. It was overwhelming and simply a lot to take in. We were building trust, and not trust based on a feeling I couldn't name, but something much more tangible, much more concrete. After the third day, however, I was ready to be in Charlie's house and not feel like a slow poke, be self-conscious about my humanness, and feel conflicted about Edward. So, in the morning after breakfast, I shared them my desire to leave. They sure had given me a lot to think about.

"I understand your need to leave, Bella, and that you need time to yourself. I will respect your request. I'm just going to miss you terribly," Edward had confessed.

A part of me wanted to comfort him, to sacrifice what I needed for his sake, but both Esme's advice about honesty and Sue's advice about a man needing to know what a woman needs and wants stopped me from acting on that part of me. Instead, I had smiled sweetly and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Come by tomorrow at your usual time so we can resume our studies, okay?" I told him.

"I will be counting every minute until I am with you again," was his response.

It was sweet and most likely truthful since the Cullens seemed eerily aware of time, except maybe Emmett. How much was a joke and how much was serious with Emmett was still beyond me.

Mostly over the days spent at the Cullens, true to his vow, Edward was unwaveringly honest with me. So much so that it was almost too much. His love, although not overbearing, was intense and obviously consumed him. I had wondered if that was normal for a cold one, but refrained from asking. I didn't regret my threat to him when I had snapped, per say, and had even considered apologising while I had laid in his arms that evening after the meadow, but hadn't uttered the words due to my fear that taking it back in any way would cause him to doubt my seriousness for honesty. Nevertheless, an apology was still in the cards, as I had, for sure, overreacted.

While doing mundane stuff at Charlie's like washing my clothes, cleaning the bathroom, and changing my sheets, I reflected over everything that had happened thus far. I had learned how much self-control Edward usually exhorted around me, not just physically, but in other ways. His vow of honesty had caused him considerate discomfort. It had been difficult for him to speak his thoughts aloud. Not to mention his siblings hid sniggers at times. Really he was a very private person. Nevertheless, he endured it all for my sake. It was the greatest testament to love I had ever witnessed.

Frankly, after watching his embarrassment, my feeling of regret asking him to vow such a thing had increased. I hated being embarrassed myself and thus felt for him each time. At the same time, I didn't know how to take it back, and although it was difficult for both of us, my hope was that it would be worth it in the end, and that Esme had been right: that a little hurt, and hopefully discomfort, was immeasurable in comparison to the rewards gained in return. It was only for a week after all.

Despite his increased transparency, I couldn't help wonder if he wanted more physically with me and was still being a gentleman. I was plainly aware that he was waiting for me to instigate any physical contact beyond holding me, but after realising that everyone in the house could hear our conversations, I decided to hold that question . One thing was certain. After three days of him nearly constantly touching me in some way, that the inner strength he had to not do so for seven month must have been herculean.

Although I had caught him looking longingly at my lips a few times, I had not instigated another kiss. The truth was our last one had terrified me. I had been honest when telling him that I didn't like my body acting without my permission. When he had dazzled me and then spoke, everything had faded away and all thought had been lost bar one: to give myself to him. The most disturbing part was that the desire for him had been so strong, and the want to give myself to him so irresistible, that in that moment even death would have been welcomed. He could have asked me to cut my wrist and offer it to him, and I would have willingly complied even understanding the end results of such an action. In the beginning, I had tried to fight it, but it was like a strong current pulling me towards him whether I wanted to go or not; resistance had been futile and that fact alone alarmed me.

The powerless feeling he had conjured within me confused me, as there had also been a strange part of me that had found it incredibly sexy. Everything, even my life, had been his for the taking. It was powerful and alluring. It spoke of sacrificial love, a Romeo and Juliet with a twist kind of thing. A part of me enjoyed the idea of my future being out of my hands, that I could offer it to someone else and they could bear the weight of that responsibility. The feeling itself, what it spoke to, and how my body had responded terrified me, though. It was heady and confusing.

The oddest part was that the powerless when Edward had dazzled me was a different kind than I had felt these past months. Rather than feeling lost and struggling, it felt as if I had come home. It was nearly as if he owned me body and soul, and that the sense of being owned by another was desirous. A part of me was repulsed by my own reactions. On top of that, I had no idea what to do about it. Hopefully with everything inside of me my feeling had been a side effect of his gaze. He said that everything about him was made to draw me in, to give myself willingly to him as a meal. And there had been that, some, but the sense that I was his had been even stronger when we had kissed.

The moments our lips had touched thought and body had reconnected; I had no longer been dazzled, but my body wanted him. If he had spoken at all, my brain had not registered his words. The only thing that penetrated was that we were no longer kissing, and I had moved back towards him. Our kiss was harsh and forceful. It spoke of his yearning and wantings. It sent sparks of desire throughout my body and all I needed in that moment was to have him. Desperately I wanted him to open his mouth and allow me to explore the inside deeper and deeper simply wanting more, but forcing him to do anything was as effective as budging a boulder. This created a still different feeling of powerlessness.

Sanity had only returned when he had fled. My fingers and arms had been a little sore from the sudden jerking movement, but that didn't compare to the soreness inside my whole being in having the distance between us. If he had felt anything like this and had kept his distance for seven months was incredible. If that had been the case, the man deserved a medal. Tears had begun to flow in part from the pain of our separation, in part from the fear that I might hurt him in some way, but mostly from simply being overwhelmed. It was only my second day knowing the truth and it was too much. The quantity and strength of emotions were too much in general, but specifically I had been overwhelmed by the multiple types of powerlessnesses that I had experienced in a short period of time. There was the effect of the dazzling that caused me to want to die so that he might be nourished; there was the hunger for him that I was powerless to fight; and then the pain of the distance between us that I was powerless to control.

When he had fled from me his first words sounded strange like a tamer trying to put an animal back into its cage and it had taken him forever to come to my side. Then later when looking into his eyes they had spoken of wanting and remorse and desire and love. In these things I began to see the true Edward–one part man, one part beast. Both excited me and drew me in and my reaction to both scared me. It was like the first two senses of powerlessness had combined to create a strong force acting against my will and any attempt to resist was counteracted by the third sense of powerlessness. If this was the case, did free will exist for me? Had I previously acted merely in line with these forces rather than truly considering what I wanted for my future?

My experience in the meadow with these forces was back dropped by these past seven months that had been spent swimming upstream in a current of information with everyone else sure they knew what was best for me until I had snapped. It had been too much for me to bear and my dream had been the straw to break the camel's back. Even still, I couldn't help but wonder without the dream of him saving me from the van how much longer would they have kept me in the dark? By Esme's own admission, they would have continued to do so until I had said something or asked something. The fact that they had left the whole thing to me, without cluing me in that they had done so, felt incredibly burdensome. Kind. Sweet. Thoughtful. Sacrificing. Deceitful. But mostly burdensome.

On the cliff I had decided that I didn't like the feeling of swimming upstream, that I was going to take ownership of my own life, that I was going to stand up for myself more, and that I was going to make my own way forward. To have that taken away, to have my whole body respond in the exact opposite of that, for a part of me to desire in that moment to give it all to him in a single gaze was humbling and bewildering.

Suddenly his wariness, his hesitancy, his distance made sense. He didn't want to have that be the connection between us. He wanted something more. He wanted me to love him as a woman would love a man. It all explained so much. The concept that he was a powerful creature able to get nearly anything he wanted floored me, yet even more incredible was that he didn't want to use that power against me. Instead he had been trying to hide everything but his humanity from me. I understood him so much better, and the reality of that information petrified me beyond reason. For the first time realization came to me that I was truthfully helpless against him. He could steal me out of my room in the middle of the night and bite me and not give me choice. And there was no longer any doubt in my mind by the third night that some part of him did wish to do that, desperately, as if his own very essence depended upon it. Simultaneous, his desire to hide his nature, to woo me, for me to see the man in him, to give me choice, and insist that I do what was best for me, despite the consequences to him, impressed me in equal measure to my fear.

Then there was what he had shared regarding cold ones only having one spouse. He had chosen me. If I said no, if I walked away from him, he would love no other. The weight of that reality hung heavy on me as if his future were lain in my hands. I mused if this heaviness of holding another's future was, in part, why he didn't want to dazzle me even accidently. If I choose him, freely, then he wouldn't have to carry that weight. Was there a way of acknowledging that he had chosen me, even before the accident, while not feeling burdened by his choice? My mind was unable to comprehend such things, so I had mentally put it aside.

The next day Jake called asking me to come over. It wasn't like I had forgotten about Jake. Quite the contrary. But things between Jake and I were fun, light, and easy. There weren't heavy thoughts around Jake or heavy thoughts about Jake. In fact, I could spend hours not thinking at all, just laughing and being silly. He had accepted me, as I was, memories gone and all without a pause. He was amazing actually. Charlie had been right. We were great friends. He was my one place were escape was possible. At times I wished to see him more, but being with him these past seven months was like his garage was a vacation from my real life–one filled with rehab appointments and tutoring. Even hanging out with Edward, well his courting of me from his perspective, had been filled with an unknown awkwardness that I couldn't name until the last three days with the Cullens.

Luckily Jake called me, otherwise I might have been a coward and avoided him. I didn't want to face having the conversation with him about all the things left unsaid between us, or face the kiss that we had exchanged the last time I had seen him. If there was some protocol about what happens after a kiss, no one had told me. Both times with Edward, we had moved on almost as if it hadn't happened. Was Jake's phone call because he expected something different after the kiss? I had no idea.

My desire to avoid facing Jake and the conversations needed to be had by us had me wonder if this was how Edward had felt all these months. It was easier to ask for the truth than to say it, especially when the truth was difficult. No wonder Edward had simply chosen to say nothing. But I wasn't going to do to Jake what Edward had done to me. He had been my shelter in my storm. He deserved better than that. So, I promised Jake Saturday.

After the phone call, as dinner cooked, my mind would not let go of Edward's statements in the meadow that Jacob was a good match for me, but he didn't like it. Jake seemed to represent for him everything he wanted to give me that being with him could never be achieved. With Jake I could bear children. My parents could be grandparents. I could be a grandparent one day. Being with Edward meant giving that up. But as I had said in the meadow, those were things that were important to Edward. The question that wouldn't leave me was: were those things important to me. Obviously, they hadn't been when I had agreed to marry Edward, but were they in this moment? There were no easy answers.

"How was it at the Cullens?" Charlie asked after we had started eating.

"It was really good, actually. Carlisle worked the evening shift, so I got to see him quite a bit as well."

"Sounds nice, Bells."

"It was."

"Um, Charlie, I was wondering … ummm … I was wondering …"

"It's okay, Bells, whatever it is, spit it out. I won't bite."

I giggled nervously. He might not, but I knew a whole group of cold ones that could. His words seemed oddly ironic given the past four days.

"Well, you see, I remember you telling me about the Cullens and the Quiluetes. And I remember you saying how you thought Edward was acting more mature than Jake. So, I was wondering, if maybe, um, you could say more about that?"

He looked at me calculating, as if attempting to understand my motivation.

"I'm just trying to figure some things out, Charlie. I need to make decisions about my future, you know. And I was curious of your opinion."

"You know that Dads never want their little girls to grow up, right?"

I chuckled and it dawned on me that his statement articulated the suffocating feeling I sometimes still felt around him. What a relief to have that confirmed.

"I've heard it on good authority that growing up is the process of life." I smiled at him.

He huffed. "Well, doesn't mean your old man has to like it."

"No, I suppose it doesn't." I smiled. My mind couldn't help but acknowledge that if I chose the Cullens as my future I would never experience what he was describing. The Swans would end with me.

"I don't know, Bells. I liked the idea of you being with Jake, of Billy and I being related, of you staying here in Forks, settling down, all that. But since almost losing you I realised that those were my dreams. I don't want to lose you, and I want you to stay close. But you can't live your life via my dreams. And I'd rather you alive and well and happy off gallivanting the world with Edward and going to a fancy school far away then be here and miserable. Do what you think will make you the happiest, Bells. I'll be your Dad no matter what."

I tried to keep my mouth shut and my eyes dry. Charlie was a man of little words and less emotion. His simply admission had touched my heart deeply and moved me tremendously. He really did love me, enough to let me go to follow my own heart and mind. I couldn't ask for anything more.

Throwing my arms around him I then quickly ran upstairs to my room letting us both escape from the awkwardness.

Saturday had been a great day at Jake's, but Sunday I had left his place with tears streaming down my face. First my arm hurt. Second my heart hurt. It had been an accident. There was no doubt about that. Jake didn't mean to hurt me, but that was the thing. Jake wasn't careful around me. He didn't treat me like glass like Edward did. I appreciated that about Jacob. It made me feel more like an equal with him. But my arm still hurt.

When Edward greeted me his eyes looked worried. Telling him that I was fine crossed my mind, but with his vow of honesty still hanging between us I reconsidered. And it was obvious that I was not fine.

"I need Carlisle," I told him instead.

"Sure, Bella," he responded.

Edward walked next to me. He seemed to be watching me.

As we came into the house Carlisle greeted me asking me if everything was all right. With their super-hearing it was a sure bet that he already knew that I wasn't. Thus, his question pissed me off, but before opening my mouth I realised that he was most likely just trying to make me feel comfortable. It was how they played human in order to make the humans feel less alien. Even still, I wished that they wouldn't do that. To keep with this whole honesty thing I probably should mention it one day. Not far behind Carlisle had been Alice.

"No," I answered Carlisle through gritted teeth. More tears began to fall.

Edward looked at me with such sadness as if my pain had become his pain.

Alice told me that Jasper needed her and she left in a flourish. I had looked in her direction and had nodded in understanding, although by the time I did so she was already gone, leaving me wondering where was the fire.

My only thought upon leaving Jake's had been to go to the Cullens in order to be comforted and safe. Carlisle's medical training only came in as a second thought.

Upon Carlisle's request, I explained that Jake and I had gotten into an argument and he had accidentally hurt me. Then suddenly Esme was there with a tissue. Despite the inhuman quality of the exchange, I preferred it. Carlisle went into doctor mode explaining that he needed to examine it, and recognizing my discomfort asked Esme to help me find a shirt that would be better suited for an examination than my long-sleeved shirt and sweatshirt. I followed her up to her room, and after her offering a few tops that she thought might work picked one. She helped me out of my clothing as moving my arm ached. Once I was dressed in a no-sleeve shirt we went back downstairs where Carlisle was waiting for us. Even I could see the bruises forming in a perfect handprint on my upper arm.

"I'm just going to check that there's no breakages or internal damage," he let me know.

"Okay," I answered and nodded my consent for him to begin his examination.

Edward stood right next to me.

"Let me know when it's tender," Carlisle instructed.

I nodded not trusting my voice.

He was very thorough. As he did things Edward seemed to be relaxing and I wondered if Carlisle had been mentally relaying what he found.

Finally he proclaimed, "Looks like it's just bruising." Then he turned to Esme and asked her to make me something warm to eat.

Looking at Edward my eyes asking him if he was coming with.

He shook his head slightly and looked like he needed a minute, so I followed Esme into the kitchen hoping that Carlisle would be able to offer Edward support.

I really wasn't that hungry, but Esme insisted and then pulled the 'doctors know best' card. I relented, especially since he could hear us, and knowing that listening was probably smart, especially to Carlisle, since I had never known him to be overprotective. She took out a can and warmed in on the stovetop. Soon the kitchen was full of delicious odours and my stomach liked the idea of some food.

Edward walked in. He looked frustrated. He put his hands on my arm cooling it.

Esme gave me the soup and kissed my cheek as she left the kitchen.

At the same time, Edward asked me, "Is this enough or do you want me to get an ice pack?"

His hands felt great and I told him so.

We talked about what to do next and decided on a movie. As we moved to the living room Edward carried the soup. I sat down on the couch and began eating while Edward found a movie both of us would enjoy. He sat down next to me in such a way that he could keep his hand on my arm as a natural coolant to help with the swelling. There was something about this moment. Something about Edward being so careful, sometimes more than I wished, helping me heal from an injury from Jacob who often forgot that I wasn't as strong as him.

I began to see that although both Edward and Jacob loved me, they loved me differently. They both were protective of me and cared for my safety, and they both thought that I'd be better off remaining human, but it ended there. Edward's expression of love was self-sacrifice and to put me first. He sometimes did what he thought was best for me rather than asking me, but his intention was to put what he believed to be in my interest first. Jacob's love was a more equal give and take. He would give me what I needed when asked, he was completely accepting of me, and treated me like I was one of the guys.

Not only would these two men give me different futures they would love me differently. I would be different with each of them. It was like the each represented a different side of me. The question therefore was not so much which man I loved more, but which part of me did I want to choose for my future. Certainly this didn't give me the answer I sought, but it did allow me to see what I was choosing more clearly. This awareness allowed me to settle into a sense of stillness that I couldn't remember having since awakening from the accident.

As usual, Edward was considerate of me, taking care of my dish, asking if I needed anything. It was a little annoying, actually.

"Hey, Edward?"

"Yes?" he sounded entirely too eager for just me saying his name.

"Do you think it would be okay if I spent the night? I really don't want to go through the hassle of hiding this from Charlie."

"Of course, Bella. You are always wanted here. Want to give Charlie a call?"

"Yeah."

He handed me his phone after putting in the number. Charlie picked up after the third ring.

"Hey, Charlie."

"Hey, Bells."

"Hey, I'm at Edward's house and I wanted to let you know I'm going to stay the night instead of driving home."

"You sure? I can pick you up."

"Nah. Thanks anyway. Alice always keeps spares here for me just in case."

"Okay, Bells. Call if you need anything."

"Will do. Night."

"Night."

I handed Edward back his phone.

"Can we go up to your bedroom and talk?"

"Sure." He looked like he was going to ask something and then paused.

I gave him a look and he seemed to be struggling to find the words, so I waited.

"I just was wondering if you wanted me to carry you."

It sure would be quicker. "Okay."

He picked me up and had me in his room before being able to really consider what I had agreed to. I wanted to know why that was so hard for him to ask. He had carried me like that earlier this week. Remembering how easily embarrassed he was about that kind of stuff, I added it to my list of things to ask him about when there were no listening ears.

I smiled at him. "You know Edward I really like going fast like that."

He smiled. "You know the first time I carried you, you almost fainted."

"I did not!"

He grinned widely. It was almost scary. "You did. You only liked the speed after I came back after Italy." His smile was gone. "Floor's yours, milady."

I noticed how quickly he had changed the conversation. Obviously Italy was still a sore spot for him, as he would inevitably change the topic as soon as it had come up. I debated wanting the full truth, but decided that wasn't a topic for right now. At the moment I would trust that he wasn't ready to talk about it.

"Well, I was thinking about how thoughtful you are about me and how you do what you perceive is best for me. I know that in some ways you have a lot more experience than I do, and I appreciate that about you, but sometimes I feel like you treat me as if I'm made of glass."

"You are as breakable as glass in comparison to me, Bella."

He took his hand and in it he had one of the metal flowers from the bed. He crushed the metal in one movement till it was in small shreds.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not talking about physically. I know you're stronger than me. You don't need to destroy the furniture. I'm talking about you making decisions for me. This was my point about honesty. We needed to be more honest to one another, but there's more to it that that for me. I'm talking about you acting like I'm not your equal emotionally or mentally. I'm talking about you wanting to be a couple, but not treating me like one."

He threw the shreds against the wall and they made a sound like hail hitting a window. "How do I not treat you equally?" His tone indicating that he was genuinely bewildered.

I chalked his confusion up to another difference in the centuries in which we were raised, but pressed on. "Well, for instance, something was happening when I came to your place with your family. I know sometimes you need to communicate with them and take care of things faster than I can keep up. I don't expect you to not take care of what you need to. And the priority was making sure I didn't need more medical attention than Carlisle could provide here. I'm not challenging how you handled things in any way, but if we were an equal couple then at some point you would fill me in, holding nothing back."

He looked guilty and sad like I had just said that it was his fault that his team lost the national championship.

"I know you're just wanting to protect me, Edward, but you make decisions to protect me, to with hold things from me, without asking. _This_ is what I meant by honesty, although I have greatly appreciated getting to know you better with all the other things this past week. If you asked if I wanted to know what happened, I could always say no, but when you decide on my behalf I feel like I'm being treated like I'm made of glass."

"I'm so sorry." He seemed to sound repentant.

"I forgive you. We're both learning. And I'm sorry about my threat at the meadow. I said it in anger. I know that we both will omit things and make mistakes, and that things will take time. Just so much in my life has been out of my control these past seven month, you know, and I want to take ownership of my life, not you and not Jake, me. Okay?"

His face was downcast as he told me, "Yes, I understand. In some part, I was raised one way and then you're asking me to do it different. Truly, I'm not trying to take control of your own life away from you. I was raised that it was a man's job to keep the women in his life safe, that women were delicate, and that it was best for their well-being if they weren't aware of the stresses of life."

I stared at him eventually speaking. "Yeah, I suppose that's true. I hadn't ever thought about how you were raised to treat a woman in that way. But I'm a 21st century girl. Some of the chivalry stuff is nice, but lots of it isn't going to work for me. There was women's lib for a reason, Edward."

He looked down and utterly lost.

I put my hand on his cheek and looked into his eyes. "It's okay. We're both learning here. We'll figure it out together and when we need we'll ask your parents or someone else for input. Okay?"

He nodded slightly saying nothing and looked thoughtful. "Do you want to know?"

I thought about it. "This time, yes, please. I just need the generalities though, unless there's something specific you think would be beneficial to tell me."

He looked like he was reviewing his memories and sorting through things before he spoke. "Jacob followed you here. Jasper asked him to please leave. He did shortly after."

"Why did he follow me?"

"I'm not entirely sure, but it would seem that he didn't like you leaving his place and coming here."

I nodded. Jake's dislike of Edward was obvious. "Thank you for telling me."

"You're welcome."

"Are there other things that you haven't filled me in on?"

"Plenty, but they would all belong under the category of other people's private thoughts." He looked sheepish waiting for what I would say.

Hopefully I could believe him, but didn't want to press the issue at the moment.

"Alright." I climbed into his lap pressing my injured arm into his chest hoping that the proximity would help give me courage. "I have a personal question to ask you Edward, but I will understand if you don't want to answer. So, if you don't want to, say no, okay."

"Okay …" he sounded defensive.

"Why did you stop being vegetarian?"

His eyes had multiple contradictory emotions at once. He looked like he was remembering something unpleasant.

I wrapped my arms around him. "Never mind, Edward. It's okay. You don't have to talk about it."

"I want to share everything with you, Bella. It's okay. It's just hard to talk about." He leaned into my hair and took a deep breath. "I was arrogant. I believed that Carlisle was holding me back. I thought that if I choose criminals to feed from that I would be immune from the guilt of killing. I wasn't."

"Was it hard to stop?" I wondered.

"Yes. It would be something like coming off a drug for a human. I had shakes in the beginning and for a long time I would see their faces like ghosts that haunted me."

Feeling bad for asking I leaned up and lightly brought my lips his cheek. He held a hesitant look as I came nearer to him that was perplexing. I lightly pressed my lips along his ear to his jaw as I then settled back down into my spot. Time passed and he seemed locked in whatever memories my question had conjured for him.

Taking my good arm I reached up so that my hand touched his face. The look in his eyes was nearly as strong of a pull as when he had dazzled me in the meadow. Except this was my fault. I wanted nothing more than to make whatever pain I had caused him to remember to go away. Warring with myself about being too forward, about giving him ideas about what I wanted from him, unsure about what I wanted myself, I brought my hands down his back and slowly untucked his shirt. Then I placed my hands underneath the shirt running them up and down his back.

He held himself rigidly.

I didn't know the words to say to help send his demons away. I wanted to soothe whatever pain I had brought him. It only seemed right to do so. My decision made, I spoke without thought.

"I accept you, Edward, all of you, even that part."

As the words came out of my mouth the full truth of them hit me. I did accept this part of him, because it was the part of him that he fought, that he worked every day to resist, so that he would never be that again.

He started rocking back and forth.

"It's okay, Edward. I'm here." I didn't know what else to say so I just repeated that over and over while I slowly rubbed my hands along his back and held my cheek to his chest.

After a while he looked down at me with a kind of hunger that I had never seen on him. I considered telling him to stop, but truly didn't know did know how to help him. On top of that, I trusted Edward. He would never hurt me. He brought his lips down to mine, claiming them in a way that unhinged my body. To make matters worse his hands went up and down my arms and eventually made their way under my shirt rubbing my back till he found my bra and then would go back down again. Closer and closer he pulled me in.

With the last remnants of thought, I considered the meadow and what had happened the last time. His kisses became stronger and more urgent.

It took every put of strength and self-control I had to pull back from him.

"Edward," I whispered. He didn't respond and instead kissed my neck pulling on the skin his teeth so near to me. "Edward, hold on a minute, please."

He gently lifted me up and placed me on the bed. He looked down at me with a blackness in his eyes that I'd ever seen before. He took his nose and followed from my throat along my collarbone breathing me in. He had his hand beside my arms.

His breath, his nearness, his body they all called to mine. I didn't want to have my body give itself over to him without my consent, I desperately tried to remind myself. I fervently attempting to think of how to stop him if he went too far, as I didn't want him to do something he might regret, to distract myself from his call. He breathed on me and the world started spinning. He leaned over me and placed his lips in the ridge between my neck and my collarbone, kissed me, and then took in a deep breath.

The few brain cells still functioning wondered if I should call out. Certainly one of his family members could stop him if needed, but I was afraid to embarrass him.

He put all his weight on one arm and used the other hand to go up and down my side. He took his hand and went across my midsection. He took his face and placed it next to my ear nibbling on my ear lobe. Then he began kissing and nibbling down my neck with his teeth brushing the surface of my skin with each pass. Any deeper and I was sure they would have easily cut me like a butcher's knife against paper.

Fighting to clear the fog he was inducing I got close to his ear and leaned in. "Edward, I trust you. Are you sure this is what you want to do?" Certainly I wasn't sure, but I couldn't seem to get my body to want to stop.

His hand unbuttoned the top button of my shirt and then the next and the next until the fabric separated and lay on my sides. He began kissing along my collarbones slowly making his way south. His eyes darkened in blackness and I wished that I could remember the first day we met, the day he hungered for my blood above all things, so that I would know what his eyes had looked at that day.

"Edward?" I paused breathlessly as his presence began to pull me under fully, but he didn't look up. "Are you sure?" were my last words before I lost all thought and there was only him.

* * *

 _A/N: I hope as we move into the last chapters you enjoy the journey that each of our protagonists have gone on. Thank you as always as being such fantastic readers. I appreciate each and everyone one of you and your notes have improved me as well as the story._


	37. Alice–We Would All Get Burned

Chapter 37: Alice–We Would All Get Burned

* * *

I was never more appreciative for Carlisle's compassionate and forgiving nature than the days after I had crossed over into Quileute land. On our way back, Carlisle hadn't decided if he was going to talk with me about my action, so there was nothing to see. Looking into his future indicated his decisions had been on smoothing things over with the Quileutes, comforting and reassuring Esme, and making sure Edward wouldn't do anything untoward. Once those things became settled, especially after the three days that Bella spent at ours, the chance that he would seek me out increased. He rarely decided before hand what he would say to an individual, as he preferred usually to hear the other person out first. Whatever he would say and, thereby, decide was the price I would pay for breaking the treaty and blatantly disregarding his edict. First, though, I had to face other consequences.

My conclusion, as I had watched Bella and Edward at the meadow, was that they were making significant steps forward. That had been the point of my nudges and failed interventions, so their process pleased me. My gift had showed it to be fairly certain that Bella had wanted to confront me, so when she had asked for a bath it had seemed like the perfect time to get the conversation behind us.

"I know you're upset at me, Bella," I had told her. "Go ahead and make up your mind what you want to say."

"Why did you lie to me, Alice?" she had accused without any preamble. "You said you were my best-friend." She had sounded so sad, rather than angry like she had been with Edward.

"Before I went to tell you the truth, I peeked into the future and saw that you wouldn't take it well. I wanted to prevent that, to make it easier for you, so I told you a partial truth," I had told her sheepishly.

"Alice," she had asserted, "no matter when you would have told me, I wouldn't have taken it well. But keeping it from me feels like a type of betrayal, that you don't see me as your equal, as your friend. So, finding out this way I would imagine was worse than it could have been. There are just some things that are not pleasant to learn no matter what."

I had looked at her being careful not to have direct eye contact. "I know that now. You're my first human friend. I'm learning and I'm sorry that my mistake caused you pain. You're right. I should have given you the full truth when you asked about your scar. Did you know that before you got that scar Jazz and I had taken you south to protect you and you had managed to evade us both? It was pretty impressive. None of the family could believe you had done it." I had smiled sadly at her remembering how I had failed her then too.

She had smiled back at me. "No, I didn't know that."

"And when you came home with a broken leg I helped you shower and do all your morning stuff for weeks because neither you nor Charlie wanted Charlie to have that job."

"No, I didn't know that either."

"Did you know that when you jumped off the cliff I was so distraught that I defied the family's vote and came back to Forks even though the family had agreed to Edward's demand that we not do so?"

Her smile had turned contemplative.

"I know I can be an acquired taste, Bella. My gift means that I'm often talking about the future as if it were the present. You used to tease me that I was losing out on just enjoying the day and would roll your eyes at me. Not just are you my first human friend, but also sometimes I haven't known what to do since your accident. Things between us aren't the way they used to be and I've been even more unsure. Perhaps I've over compensated by relying on my gift for our interactions too much. Jazz thinks I have anyway."

Her eyes had gotten big. "You've talked to Jasper about this?"

"He's my husband, Bella," I had explained nonchalantly.

She had sat there looking lost in thought for a few moments before she spoke. "Did you know I went to the cliff where I jumped two days ago?"

"Yes," I had answered sheepishly.

She had stared at me hard. "What aren't you telling me Alice?" she had demanded.

I had looked at her arm that was resting on the bath above the bubbles. "I had a vision of you at those cliffs and I was terrified that you were going to jump again, so I raced there to stop you, only to watch you sit down beside them instead," I had told her softly.

"I thought Edward had said once that Cullens weren't permitted on Quileute land. I had assumed that had to do with the land dispute Carlisle told me about."

"You're right, we're not. There's a treaty between us and the tribe. One of the conditions is that we stay off their land," I had explained.

"You broke a treaty?" she had gasped.

"Yes," I had answered guiltily.

"For me?" she had asked shocked.

"Of course," I had told her dismissively. "I love you Bella; I want you to be a part of our family; I want you happy; and I definitely don't want you dead."

She had looked at me concerned and whispered, for her, but certainly not soft enough to stop the whole house from hearing, "Are you in trouble?"

"I will be."

"What will Carlisle do?"

"He hasn't decided," I had told her matter-of-factually.

Bella had shaken her head. "You shouldn't get into trouble because you were worried over me."

"I still violated his trust and broke the treaty."

"Why?" she had asked as if her brain was unable to comprehend.

"Because I would risk that and more to keep you. You have brought life to this family that is priceless. And you are my best-friend. If it's in my power, then I'm going to do what I need to do. That's what friends do for each other."

"Wow." She had paused. "But Alice, I want to live my life. I'm not sure I like the idea of you tempering with my future just because you don't like the outcome, and you don't want to lose me. If I had thought about jumping, even if I wanted to do so to die, isn't that my choice?"

There were so many things I had wanted to tell her in that moment, things about how we're all connected, bound in fact to one another, how whether she liked it or not her choices could make or break Edward and thus this family. I didn't. I would give her time to let her have the illusion that her life was her own and she was free to choose whatever she wanted. She would enter our existence better if she did so under her own terms. I already knew this.

"I just want what's going to make you happiest," I had told her as a way of explaining.

"You know you're not God or anything, right? I mean, come on, Alice, it's not like it's your job to make me happy. On top of that, it's not like you can't control the future. Maybe my past advice was good. Live in the moment and trust that I can handle things instead of relying on your visions. I'm not made of glass you know, and it's my life."

There was so much I wanted to say and couldn't. Maybe one day decades from now when she understood our existence a little better we could have this conversation again.

Instead I had kept to the subject at hand and had apologised. "I know. I underestimated you when you first got out of the hospital. I'm sorry, Bella."

"I forgive you this time, Alice. But no more," she had demanded looking at me cross.

Would she think the same of me if I, at some point in the future, needed to fake her death and changed her against her will? My gift told me that it would cause long-term damage to our friendship. Like every vision of Bella dead, since she first entered my visions on her first day at Forks High, I worked hard at keeping the bad stuff from happening to her, and never told her how many times I had seen her die, how close to death she had come repeatedly, and all the things I had done in the past two years to keep her alive. It was the grim reality I lived in. There was no need to sully her worldview with mine.

After that, our conversation veered onto easier comments, and she seemed to have let go of her ire. It was one of the best qualities of Bella–that she forgave easily.

So far my Jazz approved nudges had been pushing things in the right direction. Bella and Edward had seemed to have a more open discussion with each other, Bella had spent a few nights without us needing to pretend to be human, and she had actually seemed more comfortable with our true nature than with the façade.

The last night she had been over, we had been in my room looking over magazines and behaving sisterly. The boys had been out hunting or wrestling or some other boy thing, as I had demanded to Edward that I get some time with alone Bella for she went back to Charlie's. Rosalie and Esme had been working on some project.

"Hey, Alice?" she has said suddenly.

"Yes, Bella."

"What do you see for my future?"

"My visions are only as sure as your decisions," I had told her leaving out how other people's choices could change things.

I was more certain of this than when she had asked me this question the last time. The clarity of the vision did indicate their likelihood, but I had learned the hard way, that even if the vision looked certain, things could change and there was a certain truth to the adage seize the day.

"Oh."

"Were you hoping they would help you decide what you want your future to look like?"

"Yes," she had admitted guiltily.

"Many people feel that way," I had sympathized.

"I was certain, _before?_ "

"Yes."

"I wonder why I'm not anymore."

"I think it's because the accident took from you the memories of what had made you certain. For instance, you know that Edward saved you from certain death two years ago."

She had nodded.

"But you don't _remember_ what it meant to you to be saved by him. Did you know that after that event he didn't talk to you for six weeks because he was so afraid that if he talked to you that you wouldn't keep our secret?"

"No," she had shaken her head. "I didn't know that."

"See, so you don't _remember_ how it felt to have a glass wall placed between you. And you know that he saved you from some horrible men in Port Angeles?"

She had nodded.

"But you don't remember the _feeling_ of being in danger and having him rescue you. In fact, I might have never told you this, but you had already decided about Edward when he saved you from the van."

"I had?"

"Yes, that was the first day I saw you as one of us."

She had looked confused. "I'm lost, Alice. If you already saw it, then why did Edward leave me after my birthday?"

"Because my brother is a colossal _idiot!_ " I had shaken my head. "He didn't want you to become one of us. He thought, wrongly, that if he left, you would change your mind. He was wrong and we all paid heavily for it."

After a few minutes Bella added thoughtfully, "So the accident did what Edward couldn't?"

"I guess you could see it that way."

"I'm not sure like I once was."

"That's true."

"I wish I could be, Alice. I wish it was clear to me."

"You'll figure it out. I like to think that I had a choice, that I saw what was coming, and chose this life. I'll never know, but I like the idea."

"It feels really overwhelming. I just wish my lives here and on the rez weren't mutually exclusive."

"Yeah, I can't see Jacob becoming a permanent member of our family. Sorry, Bella."

"Well, a lot to think about."

"True."

Then she had steered the conversation back onto lighter topics.

I had resumed watching Bella closely, after she went back home, through my gift, even when Edward had been with her. Jazz had begun to tease if I would ever come back to the realm where he dwelt.

On Thursday, Bella's first day back at Charlie's house, my gift had showed a phone conversation indicating that Bella would be going over to the dog's house on Saturday. At which point her future disappeared again, so I had promised Jazz my full attention then.

Friday was when Carlisle decided to search me out, while Edward was at Bella's house tutoring her. In typical Carlisle fashion, he waited until it was only Esme, Jasper, him, and I in the house.

"Alice, would you come to my office please?" he asked.

I had been watching Edward and Bella, but not actively searching anything so, I had heard him and immediately went to him. In those seconds before I reached Carlisle, Jazz sent me courage and love.

I stood in front of his door waiting to be called in wondering if this how teenagers felt to be in trouble with their parents.

"Come in, Alice."

I steadied myself and opened the door.

"Sit down please," he invited kindly.

I did as he requested.

"Alice, I wanted to talk to you. I'm worried about you. Last March you went against the family decision and came to Forks, and then without consulting anyone got on a plane to Voturra with Bella. As we've already spoken about those events, we don't need to revisit them, but you had guaranteed me that it was a one off, due to those events and a necessity to save Edward's life. My concern is due to the fact that seven months ago you broke protocol and called Billy directly, which I overlooked at the time, given, the emergency. And now recently when you acted crossing into their lands. Obviously each time has been an emergency situation where time was of the essence, but I thought we had agreed, even if you believed you needed to act quickly, that you would inform the family as you acted. Promising one thing and not following through isn't like you, Alice. What's going on?"

I looked down at my hands. "Do you know how many times unique ways I've seen Bella die, Carlisle?"

"No," he told me shaking his head.

"One thousand four hundred and eighty one. Most are very obscure like she trips and falls down the stairs and breaks her neck, so there are a only a few that really have gotten my attention."

He contemplated that. "Does Edward know?"

"No, since James I've worked hard at keeping every one that I can from him."

"I assume Jasper knows."

"He knows there's a lot, but I don't waste my time talking about anything other than ones that have a good chance of coming true."

"Why haven't you told me?" His tone was a mixture of curiosity, hurt, and disappointment.

I shrugged. "Usually I can tell Edward something small, he trusts me, and it's taken care of. It's not a big issue, unless it's like the army or something. I didn't see the need to burden everyone else. It's hard work to keep Edward unaware of the bad stuff so he doesn't freak out. It seemed like an unreasonable burden to ask anyone else to carry."

He sat for seven point two nine minutes thinking, and then he looked at me gently. "That's a heavy burden you've carried."

I shrugged.

"But, Alice, I might have been able to do a better job as the leader of our family if you had clued me in. I might have thought of a solution that you hadn't, like working out an emergency protocol with Billy. Your gift is powerful, but it is only as good as the options available at that moment and without telling me, you were reducing the possibilities. This is why our family works best without secrets, although I can understand your hesitancy given Edward's mental state and his gift."

"I really wasn't trying to cause you or the family more problems, Carlisle," I told him earnestly.

"I know that, Alice. I never doubted that for a second."

"Thank you for defending me to Billy."

"You're welcome."

He looked at me how I could only imagine and hope that a father would look at their daughter–with warmth and unconditional love. "I believe the treaty and our growing cooperation with the Quileutes to be in the best interest of the family, but Alice, please remember that you matter more to me than all of that." His look grew stern. "If we need to make exceptions to the rules and work that out, we can, but no breaking the rules Alice," he warned.

"Yes, sir. Thank you." Then I got up and threw my arms around him.

"Jasper, why don't you come join us, and Esme if you wish," he told them.

Jasper came immediately and Esme a few seconds later.

"So, Alice tell us what concerns you see that stands a good chance of coming true," he instructed.

"She might not choose Edward," I told them downcast.

They both looked shocked, Esme much more so.

"Then, that would be her choice," Carlisle pointed out.

"That's the problem, sir, if she makes that choice it will destroy the family. Accident or not, when she chose to get on that plane to Italy there was no going back. I told her so, and she still went. Whether she can remember or not, she can't undo her choices without severe consequences including our deaths."

"I have contended that things will work out, Alice. Your visions, although powerful and helpful, are limited. They don't show everything."

"No they don't," I agreed. "And maybe your God will intervene Carlisle in a way I can't see. Her accident happened outside of my visions. So it's possible. But it's also possible that your God gave me visions so that we could do our part." I looked down at Jazz's hand that I had taken into my own.

Carlisle and I had never discussed things like this and I was nervous. I could feel Jazz taking my nervousness and giving me quiet contentment with slight assuredness.

Carlisle pondered my words. "If you were to be correct, Alice, what would you do? You have an incredible gift, but you a fallible creature as much as the rest of us."

"I know my limitations, Carlisle," I said trying to keep my irritations under wraps. "Nudging her in the right direction has helped thus far."

"By what measurement are you determining what's right?" he asked challengingly.

"By what doesn't destroy this family."

"So, self-preservation?"

I thought about that. "I suppose so, in a way."

"This is a big thing, Alice. It's one thing to defend ourselves from invaders who wish to destroy us and will kill every man, woman, and child to do so in their wake. You've used your gift to keep the secret and decrease accidents. But this is something else entirely. You are suggesting that we should influence other people's choices by our own definitions of what's best. Who is to know what's best? Bella's accident was tragic and Edward's reactions have been hard on this family. At the same time, I see them coming together as a couple in a new way that pleases me. Which was better? The old way or the new? Should I allow a tragic accident if I knew the positive changes that would happen as a result? And who am I to judge what is a positive change?"

"Would you rather we all be destroyed?" Jasper challenged.

"No, of course, not, Jasper. I'm not suggesting such a thing. I'm merely trying to point out the dangers in what Alice is describing. The responsibility and dangers of such a thing is immense."

"Yes, that's true," Jazz agreed the heaviness of what we have carried these past months coming through.

"I'm not dismissing your concerns, Alice. And I know, above all, you are looking for the path that keeps us a family. But I need time to ponder the implications of what you're suggesting and how we might best go about things into the future. Is that agreeable to you both?"

"Not around Edward," I warned him.

"I do by best thinking at the hospital anyway," he deadpanned while his eyes sparkles and a smile threatened.

We had yet to speak of that conversation more, but both Jazz and I agreed that it had been productive.

Jazz and I had taken some time together while Bella was at Jake's. Unfortunately we were in the middle laying in some ferns talking about silly things when we were interrupted by a vision of Bella driving to our house tears streaming down her face.

Quickly redressing I focused on my regret while bolting to the house. Within Edward's range I started broadcasting _Edward, Bella's on her way. Something happened. I didn't see what. Tell Carlisle._ By the time I arrived with Jazz close on my heels, Bella was pulling up in the drive. Suddenly a vision of Edward leaving the house and running into the woods filled me.

 _EDWARD STOP! Bella needs you here. What's going on?_

"Emmett, Jasper Jacob is coming towards the house from the south about a mile away. Will you please go intercept?"

They both immediately began running in that direction. Shortly after the thud of paws could be heard. _Is there more than just Jacob?_

"Just Jacob."

Bella turned off her engine.

 _Calmly, Edward._

He nodded slightly, as I came into the house via the back, and he exited out the front.

"Hey, Bella," Edward called his voice sounding concerned and nervous. He walked over to the driver's door and opened it. "What's wrong?" he asked full of emotion.

"I need Carlisle," Bella answered.

"Hey, Jake," Jazz greeted with razors in his tone. "What are you doing here?"

"Sure, Bella," Edward responded.

Carlisle went, got his bag, and came into the living room.

Edward walked in next to Bella.

Carlisle greeted them shortly past the entranceway. "Hey, Bella, you okay?"

Edward said in our fast sub-human mumble, "He wants to know why Bella came here."

"No," Bella told him irritation on her features. More tears.

"That's none of your business, Jake. You need to go home now," Jazz instructed. Even though he sounded collected there was an undertone telling me that he was having a hard time resisting our instinctual call to attack.

Edward looked at Bella with a yearning to fix whatever was causing her pain

I didn't like that the dog's proximity to Jazz meant he had disappeared from my visions, and I had a feeling that with just the boys there things could get out of control.

"Jazz needs me for a second, Bella. I'll be right back," I told her.

She looked at me and nodded in understanding.

In our fast sub-human murmur I said, "Rosalie, the boys need us. Esme can you come help with Bella? I'm going with Rosalie." Rosalie quickly caught up to me while Esme came downstairs along with Carlisle.

"See, I was over at Jacob's and we got into an argument. He didn't mean it. It was an accident," I heard Bella explain.

Rosalie and I joined Emmett and Jasper facing Jacob. I stood on the left of Jazz while Rosalie stood on the right of Emmett. No way were we going to let this _dog_ get near Bella, especially if he just hurt her. I focused on my love for Bella and desire for peace hoping that would help Jazz.

"What was an accident?" Carlisle asked gently.

Relief spread from my centre. Carlisle would calm Bella and Edward.

It sounded like Esme had gotten Bella a tissue.

"My arm hurts," Bella stated.

"He wants to know if Bella's fine," Edward let us know in our quick murmur.

"Would you mind taking your jacket off, so I can see, Bella?" Carlisle asked. There was no sound that I could hear indicating a response, but then Carlisle continued. "Esme, would you please take Bella upstairs and find her a loose short sleeved or no sleeved shirt. I'll wait here." Carlisle instructed.

Jazz leaned over towards me and took in a deep breath. "Jake," Jazz explained calmly but there was an authoritative edge to his voice, "Bella is seeking medical treatment from Carlisle. She is safe and well taken care of. Now please return home."

Shortly after, I heard Esme turn to Bella. "Come on, dear." And the two of them ascended the stairs.

The pup looked appraisingly at each of us and then nodded slightly. Shortly after, he turned and ran in the direction he had come.

We waited until we couldn't hear the thudding of paws anymore.

Rosalie grabbed Emmett's hand and they both ran off. "Come on, Em, I need you," was the last thing I heard before they fell out of range.

I checked to make sure we were in the clear. Seemed like it.

"You did real well, Major," I complimented Jazz wrapping my arms around him and kissing him.

I could feel his aggravation. "You need to hunt. Want company?"

He pondered that. "Yes, but not too close." Then he ran off and I made sure to keep the distance he needed. I found a deer and had already buried it when Jazz found me.

"Better?"

"As long as I have you." He picked me up and wrapped me around him. "Can we just get to the wedding already? These moods are killing me." Then he smiled.

I gawped. "Are you suggesting I interfere even _more,_ Major?" I smiled wickedly. The dog must have really taken something out of him for him to react like this.

"No, just ready to have this stage done for."

I smiled. "It's getting close. Bella still hasn't made up her mind, though."

"Alright, June bug, I'll go back, but I'm staying out of the way."

I grinned. He knew me too well. "Sounds fine to me."

We ran hand in hand back through the forest.

"Looks like it's just a bruising," Carlisle declared right as we came into range.

I verified to make sure she would be fine. It looked like it would disappear in a week or so.

"Esme, would you mind taking Bella into the kitchen and getting her something warm to eat?" Carlisle asked.

"Edward's livid," Jazz whispered in my ear.

I nodded. That was to be expected. I was upset as well.

Searching with my gift, Edward leaving made his future disappear, probably because he found a wolf. "Please, don't go, Edward. I don't like seeing you disappear like that. Let's try to see if there's another solution."

"Anything in particular that you would like, Bella?" Esme asked.

Hopefully by speaking out loud I would get some assistance in stopping Edward.

"I could go with him," Jazz offered.

I searched for the results of Jazz's offer. Now they both disappeared. I shook my head no emphatically. Certainly Jazz felt my fear.

"Okay, June bug."

We came into the living room.

"No. I'm not really that hungry." Bella answered Esme.

"Actually, I was thinking that I should call Billy and let him handle it." Carlisle explained to Jazz and I as we interrupted their obviously silent argument.

There was no way my gift could show me the outcome of that.

"Honestly, Edward, I think that Bella needs you right now, not you running off. And any punishment from Billy would have a stronger impact that any words from you," Carlisle stated gently but with a fatherly tone.

"Assuming he punishes Jacob," Edward argued back.

"Well, Carlisle probably would still want you to eat something, dear. How about if I warmed up a can of soup?" Esme encouraged Bella.

"I will stress the inappropriateness of him showing up here uninvited and the seriousness of his harm to Bella," Carlisle said softly yet firmly. "We also have to remember that they were quite lenient with Alice breaking the treaty. We wouldn't them to regret that decision."

Edward relented. "Fine. We'll do it your way, but only because of how they treated Alice."

"Yeah, that sounds good Esme," Bella answered.

"She'll need a cold press of some kind on her arm to help reduce the chance of swelling," Carlisle informed us.

"I got it, Dad," Edward replied curtly as he moved to go into the kitchen.

The smell was repulsive. Catching Jazz's eye he led me upstairs and into our room. "I assumed that you would want to stay nearby, just in case." His eyes showed such admiration.

I smiled sweetly. "Yes, please. I am lucky you showed up, Major."

"Only for you, June bug."

We lay in the bed so that we could snuggle together while we listened to the house and I searched the future.

"Here you go, Bella, enjoy" Esme told her.

"Is this enough or do you want me to get an ice pack?" Edward asked.

"I think what happened means something," I whispered to Jazz.

He searched out with his gift to test our theory about significant events being tied to strong emotional adjustments.

"That's just right. Thank you, Edward. Thank you for the soup, Esme," Bella said.

He started naming what he picked up into my ear. "Affection, contentment, resentment, resignation, jealousy, pleasure …"

That must be Rosalie. They had come back but stayed in the garage while Jazz and I had come up here.

"Anytime, dear," Esme replied to Bella. The sound of her kissing Bella, probably her cheek or forehead knowing Esme, could be heard right she left the kitchen.

"Contentment, happiness, joy, lust, concern …"

Emmett most likely.

"What would you like to do, Bella?" Edward asked.

"Love, adoration, joy, worry, peace …"

Probably Esme. It sounded like she had entered Carlisle's office.

"Calmness, compassion, concern, sadness …"

Carlisle. He rarely had anything but calmness first.

"Could we watch a movie?" Bella asked.

Carlisle and Esme were talking in whispered tones too quiet to be heard.

"Anxiety, worry, anger, frustration, concern, adoration, lust … "

Edward, but there wasn't anything really new there.

"Of course. Want to bring your soup with you?"

"Confusion, uncertainty, sadness, longing, appreciation, adoration, contentment …"

"Contentment is new?" I checked.

"That would be great," Bella answered Edward.

They moved into the living room.

"Yes, since the accident. She used to have it near the top before."

"Know what that means?"

"I'm not sure, June bug."

I checked the future. "It doesn't look different to me."

"Well, if we are course correcting, then perhaps it indicates that we're close to getting back on track?"

I smiled widely having a wicked thought. If Edward and Bella were watching a movie, then perhaps I could get that time with Jazz that we needed.

My emotions must have been speaking for me because no words were uttered before Jazz grabbed hold of me and pulled me closer to him.

"Come here, darling."

My smile widened. And we were lost in our world. A small part of my brain registered that Esme had left Carlisle's office and Carlisle had called Billy. It sounded like Billy was apologetic. But none of that really mattered in comparison to the beautiful creature next to me.

Without cause Jazz began to hunger for me in an almost frantic way. He moved quicker and more forcefully, his usual care to my pleasure and body gone.

"Jazz," I said forcefully. He didn't seem to respond. "Major Whitlock, stop right now," I commanded.

He looked up apologetically and a little confused.

"Where's that coming from, Jazz?"

He searched out with his gift. "Edward's room."

"It must be pretty strong."

"Strongest ever that's been from him," he replied.

Watching Jazz evaluate things I considered searching the future, but I really didn't want to watch my brother in that way.

 _Edward?_ I paused. "Edward?" "Any difference?" I whispered to Jazz.

"I've been trying to get his attention as well, but with no success."

"Edward? Are you sure?" we both heard Bella ask. We waited for a response. There wasn't one.

We looked at each other.

"Well, this will be awkward," Jazz said as he stood and put on some clothes.

I did the same.

"Are you good?" I asked right before we went out our door.

We went to Edward's room holding hands. Jazz knocked on the door. There was no answer. We looked at each other and he nodded.

I opened to door. The scene before me astounded me. Bella was on the bed lying very still while Edward was over her propped up by one hand. He was kissing along her body frantically moving at a speed that I doubted Bella could see clearly. Her eyes were closed and she looked peaceful, while Edward's eyes looked like he was warring with himself.

Certainly Jazz would use his gift to stiffen off Edward's emotions and draw them into himself while sending a cocktail to calm him. Edward began to slow down.

 _Edward?_

He moved his head in my direction. The franticness was almost gone, but whatever Jazz was sending him made him seem disorientated.

 _Please get off her._

He propelled himself off of Bella, then the bed, stopping when his back found a limit to the room. Fortunately he had controlled his movement enough not to go through the glass.

Giving Jazz a look I went over to Bella while Jazz went to Edward.

"Hey, Bella, you okay?" I asked her.

"Edward." Jazz looked into his eyes while he held his shoulders again the glass wall.

She opened her eyes. "Yeah, I'm fine. Did Edward change his mind?"

"Something like that," I answered.

"Edward," Jazz said again but more firmly.

She squinted her eyes at me. "Alice Cullen, I am not a porcelain doll. What is going on?" She buttoned up her shirt and sat up.

I balked, but quickly smoothed my features. Well, this was a new one since the accident. Perhaps things were getting back on track. "I'm not sure, Bella. Jazz and I were concerned about Edward and you."

"Oh, no!" Edward finally muttered.

I relaxed.

"What about Bella? Is she okay?" Edward sounded frantic now.

"Yes, Bella's fine," Jazz and I said together.

We both smiled and Bella looked at Edward. "I'm still on the bed."

"I'm so sorry," Edward proclaimed.

"Please, don't be, Edward, it was my fault."

Jazz tasted the atmosphere and decided that Edward was enough of himself to be released.

Then Jazz came over next to me and breathed me in. He would need me alone soon.

Edward came over to the bed and stood at the end.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he declared again.

"Stop it, Edward. It's not your fault. It's mine."

Jazz and my eyes met with looks of exasperation.

"What happened?" Jazz asked Bella.

Her cheeks became full of blood and her heart rate increased. I moved so that I stood between Jazz and Bella and held his hand.

"I asked him a question about the years that he stopped being a vegetarian. It obviously upset him, and I wanted to comfort him because I felt bad."

He looked at Edward.

Edward was looking at the duvet. "The memories came back when I was trying to answer her question." He shook his head. "Her scent felt overwhelmingly powerful drawing me in and then she touched me and I seemed to lose rational thought. I just wanted her badly."

Jazz nodded seeming to understand. Jazz looked like he was conveying something mentally to Edward. Then Edward's face changed and he didn't look so guilty.

"Bella," Jazz's tone was stern. "I know you don't fully understand how we work and you and Edward are just beginning to be fully honest with each other, so I can appreciate your question and your wish to take the pain you saw away. Nevertheless, please don't ever ask about those years unless one of us is present or you're changed. When we remember something all the sensations of the moment come back to us, taste, smell, sound, feel, all of it. For those of us like Edward and I who hunted in the normal way for our kind we try not to think about those years because it makes abstaining more difficult. Do you understand?"

Her eyes were wide. "I'm so sorry." Tears rolled down her face.

"You couldn't have known. It's okay," I said trying to comfort her.

"Lesson learned," Jazz said. He turned to Edward. "I need to go hunt. Would you mind if you and Bella stay in the living room till Alice and I got back please?"

He must have added something mentally because Edward nodded.

"Come on Bella," I offered.

As soon as they were settled on the couch watching another movie, Jazz and I sprinted out the door.

"It's okay, Jazz."

"Are you sure, June bug?"

"Yes. It'll be something new." I winked at him. Seize the day, right?

He grimaced. "Promise you'll say stop if it gets to be too much."

"Yes. I promise."

When we got further than Edward's range Jazz turned and grabbed me. He poured into his movements all the emotions that he had collected from Edward. That Bella was still alive was impressive. But it was when Jazz bit me that I realized how close Edward had come to turning her.

There was no venom in Jazz's bite. It didn't sting and it wouldn't scar. It had happened on occasion between Jazz and I. Each time it had been erotic in its own way. Like Jazz had tried to explain to Edward and Bella, it was a natural part of our nature. But Bella wasn't a vampire yet. They were playing with fire and if something didn't happen soon we would all get burned.


	38. Edward–Fragmented With No Escape

Chapter 38: Edward–Fragmented With No Escape

* * *

Despite Bella and my near miss, she lay sprawled on the couch with her head in my lap her eyes pointed at the screen while I languidly ran my fingers through her hair. As much as I might try, I was unable to get what had just transpired from my mind. I thought back to what Jasper had said to me.

 _We act human, Edward, but we're not. Right now, you and Bella are different species and at moments each of you will respond to what comes naturally_. _Things will be easier between the two of you once she is one of us._

He had been right about us being different. It wasn't like I didn't already know that. Every second I was with her I was aware of her humanity and my lack of it.

 _You have to also keep in mind, Edward, that you are both ignorant regarding how the other might respond. She has only learned of our nature in the last week and you are learning her, as she responds differently at times than to the Bella we once knew._

This had been his most salient point. There was a part of me that wanted to forget that she only found out about my nature six days ago and wanted to imagine that we were back to how things were before her accident. My wishing didn't make it so.

 _Honestly, it would have kept her safer if you had not answered the question and had instead explained to her why thinking about those years was dangerous. In that way, she also would have learned something new about you. Even though both yours and her reactions were perfectly naturally, you came extremely close to biting her. I am stating fact here, so no despondency and self-loathing over this. That's not going to be helpful. You know out of everyone in this house, I am the most for changing her as soon as possible, but Alice is insistent that she will enter this life better and be an easier newborn if she comes to us choosing to do so. That's the only reason we came in to stop you and why I haven't acted already upon my warning months ago. For now, let us both heed Alice's visions. All right?_

Despite Jasper's reassurances that it was natural for my memories to take me over so fully, I still felt foolish. On top of my sentiments, I disagreed that she needed to be less fragile in order for us to have a fully open conversation about those years on the sole premise that being unable to speak about it was a stark reminder of my weakness. I had caged the beast and the monster. Surely, I could this as well. If I couldn't talk about my past with her, without potentially hurting her, what kind of man did that make me? To add to all that, although Bella had apologised for her threat, it still lay heavily upon me. What if I had done what Jasper had suggested and not answered her question, would she have accepted the limitation? Or would she have walked out on me? Old Bella would have huffed and pouted, but then not have pressed the topic again for a while. I didn't know how the Bella of present would have reacted.

Bella, since she discovered my nature, had been shifting faster than I could predict. No longer was she unable to stop me from getting my way, while she complained about things she didn't like. Aware of this dynamic, I had been attentive to the things she had complained about, going so far to keeping my mouth shut about the time she spent with the dog. We had been learning to compromise and had found a way forward. The Bella of today, I wasn't sure.

One thing that was similar to the old Bella was her attentiveness of me. So I wasn't surprised that she had tried to remove my pain placing herself in a vulnerable position. That was certainly reminiscent of old Bella. The fact that she trusted me to keep her safe like she used to was reassuring if not also irritating. I still didn't understand her unquestioning and unparallel faith that I would never harm her. The most puzzling part was that she had never told me to stop. Why hadn't she requested me to stop?

None of what Jasper had said nor what Bella had done or not done stopped the crushing guilt that I felt. I had known the potential risk of answering her question and had done so anyway. Then, I hadn't been able to even manage a simple answer without keeping the beast or monster in check. And worse, not only had I underestimated my control, but also I had done so in Bella's presence where I might have crushed her or drank her. Even as she lay sprawled across the couch the intense hunger to have her body and blood was only barely contained. Only six days, since she had found out about my true nature, had passed before I had nearly killed her. I really was a monster and unequivocally didn't deserve her. Certainly, her very presence here with me, despite what had happened, was a testament to the fact that above all she was still my angel, an incredible creature who offered me the potential of redemption.

Eventually Bella's eyes closed, and for the first time since her accident, she slept while I continued to run my fingers through her hair. Her sleep talk brought Esme into the living room carrying a blanket. _Thought she might need it._

"Thanks, Mom."

 _It's okay, Edward, if you make mistakes. That's what family is for. Perfection is not a requirement of our love for you or her._

I nodded disagreeing completely.

She came over and kissed me on the forehead before leaving the room.

The sun was only a few hours from rising when Jasper and Alice returned. They climbed into their bedroom window. Only Jazz came down.

I looked at him quizzically.

Alice was taking a shower.

 _You need to hunt._

I nodded agreeing with him.

 _Want to lay her in your bed? Alice will watch over her._

I tilted my head to the side and looked into his eyes. They were still dark, but not nearly the tone as when they had left.

 _We came back prematurely for Bella's sake._

I nodded and then carried her to my room and tucked her in. I jumped out my window with Jazz right behind me and we both ran to find a carnivore. The sun was beginning to crown when we found each other again.

He was sitting cross-legged taking in deep breaths.

"Does that help at all?"

 _It works better when Alice is with me,_ he explained.

"I really am sorry, Jazz. I put you in an awkward position. I appreciate what you did, though. I'd hate to think of what would have happened if you hadn't intervened."

He looked at me seriously. _You would have turned her._

I considered that. I wanted to object, but he was right. I nodded sadly.

 _She's your mate and your body wants her. It's only natural._

"I loathe it, though."

"I think that's part of the problem."

I stared at him.

"You fight so hard against your very nature. I understand better than most why you do. The thing you will discover with Bella, once she's one of us, is that not every part of your nature is about feeding. That is the part of your nature that wants to share itself with Bella. You both can't stay as you are. Her being turned is the only solution."

"She's not sure anymore."

"No, she's not."

"I can't force her."

"I understand." He thought about his warning to turn her, but this time considered if doing so might save me the anguish.

I found myself wanting to growl at him. She was _mine_ and I _wanted_ no other creature's teeth near her. This was a similar feeling to what had overtaken me just hours before. I reined it in locking it away.

Jasper looked at me sideways evaluating my emotions.

"Race you?" I asked smiling.

He sprinted off. I caught up to him and then passed him. When we got to the house Bella was still sleeping. He and Alice returned to their room and I lay down next to Bella considering everything.

My love for her and commitment to her well-being was obvious in the fact that even in that altered state I had not harmed her. She wasn't even bruised. I had been extremely careful considering. The possibility that the beast might be careful with her was startling. To my very DNA Bella's safety was paramount. That was something. And I hadn't actually bit her, although I had been close. I didn't know what to do with that information. Not to mention that these facts did little to assuage my guilt.

"Good morning sleepy head," I greeted her as her eyes began to flutter.

She smiled broadly. "Good morning." She looked into my eyes. "Feeling better?"

"Yes. I hunted last night while you slept."

She nodded. "I'm glad. Maybe you shouldn't go so long next time?"

I smiled. "Yes. You're right. Lesson learned."

She smiled. "Are there things here for me to take a shower?"

"I believe so."

She briefly kissed me on the cheek, got up, and headed towards the bathroom. I didn't want her to go home. I wanted her to be _mine_ in so many ways.

When she came back she smelled differently. She must have used Alice's products.

"Breakfast?"

"Yes, please. And I was hoping we could go to the meadow."

I smiled at the idea. "Would you like to drive and hike, or get a back ride and I run?"

She smiled broadly. "Running sounds fun."

"Good. Esme has breakfast ready."

She smiled at me, but like she was trying to pull an answer out of me just by her look. I wondered if she had a specific reason that she had asked to go to the meadow other than us just having time together. As we walked downstairs I grew nervous, trying to run through everything she might want to talk about. I had given up trying to read her mind ages ago, but today was one of the days her mind blocking capacity was incredibly annoying me.

Bella and Esme seemed to enjoy chatting together, although I paid them little mind as I was lost in my thoughts the whole time until Bella turned to me and asked, "Ready?"

"Anytime you are."

"Here you go dear," Esme told me as she handed me the picnic basket.

"Thanks, Mom," I told her as I took it.

 _It will all work out, Edward. Have faith,_ she encouraged me.

"Up you go, spider monkey," I told her as I helped her up.

I jogged gingerly, it taking twice as long as it would have if I had sprinted.

She got down, landing on her feet, which I took as a good sign, and I spread out the blanket we had used last time.

Afraid of what she might want to speak about, I lay down and looked up into the sky. It was surprisingly dry if not heavily overcast, but I doubted the lack of moisture from the sky would last. She sat down close enough she could touch me, but she didn't.

Eventually she spoke. "Edward, I have realised these past days in asking you to be honest that you are a private person and there are many things that you would have rather not said in front of your family."

I looked over at her surprised she had noticed believing that I had hid it well. "It's not that big of a deal, Bella. It's not that they don't already know how much I love and care about you. Simply, I was raised when most things between a couple were private and thus said behind closed doors, which means nothing with my family's hearing. I'll get used to it. Don't worry."

I watched her mind work as she took in my words. "I appreciate your explanation, nonetheless, I had some questions about things over the past week and I thought you'd prefer to answer them without listening ears."

"That's very kind of you," I told her earnestly. The fact that Bella was still impressively kind and thoughtful pleased me.

She shrugged.

"So, first," she said shyly looking down at her hands. "Yesterday you seemed reluctant to ask if you could carry me, even though it wouldn't have been your first time to do so. I didn't understand your hesitancy."

After hearing her question I was certainly glad she had asked this without my siblings around.

"Um, well, see, I hadn't seen you in a few days and when I had seen you on Friday we were focused on your studies. Consequently, therefore, just the thought of asking to hold you, to have you near me excited me. By the time you said yes, I had it well under control, but that was the reason."

I chanced a glance up at her to find her face scarlet red and her twiddling her fingers almost absentmindedly.

Long minutes passed before she said demurely, "Thank you for telling me the truth."

"You're welcome," I said shyly.

Her blush was returning. "Um, does that happen a lot?"

"I am seventeen," I smirked teasingly enjoying watching her reaction, then grew solemn. "Before when I held you every night it was easier to manage. Before you found out and we kept a respectful distance was frustrating but not challenging in that way. But as things stand, with no commitment between us and me sometimes holding you, it is scandalous, and I am struggling more.

"I see," she said while she buried her face behind her hair.

"Technically yesterday was the last day of my vow, but I figured that one more day wouldn't hurt me," I joked, "although now I'm not so sure."

She looked up at me in a playful scowl.

"Truth has been helpful, Edward."

"I agree, just also incredibly embarrassing."

"Yeah, that's true," she agreed. She paused for a moment that then continued. "That actually bring me to another question I had."

I waved at her as if she should proceed.

"I get the impression that other than holding me, and what happened last night, generally, you're holding back having physical contact with me."

"Yes, that's true," I told her. "In my era I would have needed to secure your hand in marriage before we would be allowed to hold hands in public. So, for me, even though I want more, I don't want to presume. Before you usually initiated things, although occasionally I might have stolen a kiss," I grinned at her, which seemed to please her.

"Well, you've been courting me, correct?"

"Yes," I admitted hesitantly concerned she had lay another trap for me.

"Would courting usually be exclusive?"

"Exclusive?" I asked tilting my head to the side in confusion.

"Yeah, you only date one person at a time?"

"Of course," I stated briskly taken back. "Actually, I should have asked your father permission, and of course Carlisle and Esme had already approved. I didn't primarily because Charlie already knew we were dating, so I was concerned if I asked at this stage it might have raised suspicions with him."

"Huh. So, from your perspective we're exclusively dating?"

"Yes," I agreed wondering where she was going with this.

"Which didn't require informing me."

"No, I didn't do that, you're right," I admitted regretfully.

"So, in your era could you have courted a girl without her permission?"

"You needed the permission of her father. If she didn't want to go out with the man, then she would petition her father to decline, but generally it was the father's decision, although she certainly didn't have to enjoy herself. Did you not enjoy our dates, Bella?" I asked suddenly worried.

"No, actually," she answered strongly seemingly taken back before her tone softened and she continued, "I enjoyed spending time with you."

"Oh, well that's good," I said with relief.

"So, technically, you could have courted someone without her permission?"

"Yes, I suppose that did happen on occasion."

"Hmm," she said obviously deep in thought. She looked concerned when she looked up at me. "Is that a practice you would agree with?"

"Certainly not. My mother was quite progressive for the time and raised me to believe that marriage works best when both parties are in agreement about the arrangement. I never courted a girl, but I imagine that I would have asked the prospective lady if she would be willing before I had petitioned permission from her father."

She smiled at me. "Progressive indeed." She paused briefly. "I have to admit Edward I find it hard to imagine sometimes how we managed things before."

I smiled sadly at her. "It wasn't without challenges."

"I wanted to ask about that, actually."

I nodded for her to go ahead.

"I know you've mentioned the basics of our trip to Italy, but every time it's brought up you change the topic. I was just curious how come?"

I looked at her unsure of how to explain. "Because I never wanted you to become like me and my brash behaviour forced the issue. Not only did I end up risking Alice's life, which meant Jasper's life, but I also created a situation where you have to be changed or die an early death."

"Yes, I remember that being explained," she told me her tone slightly irritated as if she suspected that I wasn't being fully honest with her.

"The other part is political," I admitted.

"Political?"

"Yes, in how things work politically."

"Go on."

"Are you sure, Bella?"

"Yes, why are you hesitant?"

"Because there's a lot to it and I don't want to overwhelm you."

"If it gets to that point, I'll let you know."

"All right," I reluctantly agreed. "As we told you our kind is ruled by three kings Aro, Ciaus, and Marcus. Their guard do the work of enforcing of the law and most of their guard are valued because of their gifts." I paused.

"With you so far, please continue."

"So, Alice can see the future, I can read minds, Jasper can influence mood, and both Aro's as well as Jane's gifts didn't work on you."

"I remember it being mention that I had been immune, but I don't see what you're getting at."

"Carlisle believes, and I agree with him, that if you were to become a vampire you would have a powerful gift called a shield. I think, but Carlisle and Jasper disagree with me, that the kings are waiting for you to be turned and then will create a situation by which forces the four of us to join them."

She appeared pensive, but had yet to indicate a desire for me to stop in any way, rather she asked, "What do you mean by a shield?"

"Similar to how it sounds. Most gifts in vampires manifested when they had been human in some way. The fact that Aro's, Jane's, and my gifts don't work on you suggests that your mind shields you."

Her eyes grew large. "And a shield is a powerful thing?"

"Tremendously. Imagine if the kings were to send the guard and their gifts didn't work on you, or even there's some chance that the gift will grow stronger and you could protect us all." I had gotten excited at the idea, but calmed myself. "But there's no guarantee, Bella. Humans that appeared to have gifts have then had none when turned. Aro, in particular, is hoping that something will develop with you, but our family doesn't care."

"And you?"

"Shall love you."

She smiled sweetly at me and her pensive expression had grown. Eventually she looked at me and said, "That's all very interesting, Edward. Thank you for sharing it."

"You're welcome" was the only thing that came to mind to say back.

She drew quiet leaning back on her arms looking up at the sky appearing content. In the mean time I gathered the courage necessary for what I wanted to say.

"Well, since I failed to formally request to court you when I should have, I was wondering if you would do me the honour?"

She turned towards me giggling.

I waited, as she looked deep in thought.

"May I think about it, Edward?"

"Certainly," I told her trying to keep the dejection out of my tone.

"I assume that courting generally leads, all going well, to engagement, and then marriage."

"Assuming all goes well, yes," I informed her my voice flat.

Silence enveloped us again, only this time it wasn't comfortable.

"How's the arm?" I asked as a distraction.

"Tender, sore, but healing."

She began to make patterns on my skin with her finger absentmindedly.

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensation. I felt like a cad at the increasing thoughts about our close contact last night and how it was getting harder to not wish we could have some of that again, but without the risk. The problem was that I didn't know how to manage being close to her without her presence overwhelming me. I could manage my desires, if I kept a cordial distance, but as I had confessed to Bella, then even the thought of her body against mine ignited them stronger than they ever had been before. During those three days after our last visit to the meadow the constant contact had soothed the beast, but then, after the days without her, when I had seen her again the beast had acted as if the last drop of blood had disappeared and there was no solid assurance that that basic need would be met, so any little contact with her was met with an intensity I had never experienced before.

I still hadn't talked to Carlisle about it, despite my promise to Esme that I would. Maybe we could hunt together on his next day off or at night, as he was working day shifts this week, because, as much as I didn't want to talk to him about this, it was growing worse and I was afraid that Bella might get hurt. And I would do anything to keep Bella safe, even speak with Carlisle about my carnal urges.

The moisture content began to increase in the air.

"It might rain soon, Bella. Shall we head back?"

She took in a deep breath both content and simultaneously nervous. "Yes, we shall."

When we got to the house Bella took a warm shower and changed clothes. When she was decent she called out to me.

"Did you have an idea of what you wanted to do today?" I asked once I was in front of her.

"I should head home," she stated abruptly.

"Want me to tutor you the last hours we have this afternoon?" I asked trying to hold in my despair at being away from her once more.

She looked at me briefly and then the floor. "Can we resume after a few days?"

"Of course, Bella," I told her the training of my mothers to always respect a girl's no slightly winning over the part of me that wanted to force her to stay and hungered for her in ways that I was working hard at denying.

She looked at me cautiously.

"Are you going to be okay if I leave?"

I pondered her question. Would I be okay? I wasn't sure, so I erred on the side of reassuring her, of giving her what she needed. "I'm never completely all right without you, Bella, but go if you ought, my family is here if I were to need them."

She nodded and took in a deep breath, the kind she did when she was trying to find courage. "And, just to warn you, I'm probably going to go over to see Jake tomorrow. We have some things to clear up."

"Are you sure?" I asked instead of demanding she stay here with me away from that dog whose handprint was still clearly visible on her skin. The words I had told her last May came to mind, when Alice had promised to keep an eye on her and Bella had escaped to the dog's, although her insistences on Jake being safe were harder to believe with the bruising hidden under her clothes.

"Yes, Edward. I'm sure. I'll be fine," she stated as if this were obvious and she still held unwavering trust in her safety around him.

I didn't agree, but this was not the time to argue.

"I trust your judgement," I told her. It was the truth. It was the dog I didn't trust.

"Thank you," she told me warmly and like my words had meant a lot to her.

She started walking down the stairs.

"Leaving?" Alice asked.

"Yeah, I have some things to do." Her tone was definite.

Alice looked displeased. "Come back soon, Bella."

"Sure, Alice." There was a hesitancy in her smile.

"Be safe, Bella," I told her earnestly.

"Will do." She looked disgruntled.

I opened her car door for her and leaned in to kiss her. Our lips touched, but the passion she had expressed in our last kisses was gone. "I love you, Bella," I told her with everything I was.

"I know," she breathed heavily as she shut the door. "I know," she said with a despondency I had never heard from her before.

She started down our driveway.

As soon as I could no longer see the Guardian, I fell to my knees. Esme came and wrapped her arms around me rocking me. _Shhh, Edward, you're okay. Have faith._

Faith in what, I mused. I let Esme hold me as I honed into Alice's mind hoping that she would look ahead and see what was happening. But Alice wasn't looking ahead. She had thoughts about Jasper and information I didn't want to know. My mind opened itself up as far as it could go hoping frantically that doing so might create some sort of connection with Bella. Instead, I could sense my desire to slip back into that space where I didn't have to hear thoughts and most importantly I didn't have to _feel_.

 _No, Edward, stay with us_ , Esme begged loudly.

I wanted to ask her why, but I didn't have the strength. I wanted to follow behind Bella so fervently; I wanted to run away in equal measure. Torn in two I didn't know how to manage. I could no longer running away. I had promised, and, even if I was a monster and a killer, I was a man of my word. I would stay here; they would keep an eye on me. Isn't that what they asked for? But I felt like an invalid. Was this Marcus' fate? It had certainly seemed so when I had met him in Italy. This was why I had begged for death.

I couldn't live in a world without Bella. What if she was in the world, but not with me? In my nobility, Alice called it, I had been certain that I could watch Bella from the shadows merely satisfied with knowing she was living her human life. After two experiences of her walking away from me, I wasn't certain that I would be able to follow through with my intensions, as the other parts of me weren't concerned about being noble and had been growing in strength. Images of stealing Bella and biting her without her consent ran through my mind. I needed a distraction before I acted on that urging, so I clung onto Esme's mind.

Her mind was filled with images of me along with her worries. Had I pushed my family too far? Was this the moment when they decided that they didn't want to put up with me anymore and asked me to leave? Since James, I had been certain in the unfathomable love of Esme and Carlisle, but what about my siblings? I wouldn't want to be where my presence was merely tolerated. Since Bella had come into my life, I had asked a lot of them and here I was asking more. The burden I had placed on my family at Bella's awakening had been tremendous according to Esme's memories, yet there was no resentment, simply concern that I would do the same again.

I wanted to go to my room and sit in the corner until Bella returned, but then Esme's mind would reflect on what they had to do the last time I chose that. I didn't want to put Esme through that again. I could go into the forest and take my rage at how unfair everything was on undeserving creatures or plant life, but I already knew that would not ease the pain in my chest. Added to my own disgruntled musings of how to deal with how I was feeling, Esme's concerns if I were to disassociate again were intense. Her promise that she would fight the devil himself to bring me back from hell ran through her mind multiple times. I didn't want Bella to be at risk from me, but I didn't know what to do with my thoughts and feelings.

In the beginning of Bella's and my relationship, I had expected her to say no, and even now her walking away didn't surprise me, not really, but the problem was that my body had grown accustomed to her presence. Without her I didn't know how to function. I could force myself to go on with things when I knew I would see her again, but without a promise of her return the world looked too bleak to do anything. At some point, I don't know when, since time and space were irrelevant, I faintly saw a vision of Bella staying home and doing laundry and reading. I appreciated this. She didn't want me, but at least she had arrived home safely from La Push.

At another point, I heard Alice tell me, "I talked to Bella this morning. She said she still needs time to think. She's just going to stay home and do homework all day." I tried to imagine Bella in her kitchen trying to remember all that she learned in high school.

I had been vaguely aware, as things had changed around me. Carlisle had seemed to be constantly there, whether he went to work or not was beyond me. In many ways it was like the transformation. Sometimes his thoughts had come through, sometimes his words, and sometimes nothing at all with him conveying many of the same sentiments of comfort that he had during my change. Rosalie and Emmett had entered and exited the house, but never was everyone home at the same time. It had rained. It had drizzled. Snowflakes had fallen briefly. The wind had blown. All the while, I had replayed in slow detail every encounter, every look, every moment I had experienced in regards to Bella.

I was in the midst of remembering Bella and my plane ride back from visiting her mom in Jacksonville when I heard Rosalie's voice. "Edward. I'm no good at this. Look. Bella spent the day with the dog. She's back home now. I hate to admit this, but I think she'd be better off as one of us. I think you should go and stay near her tonight and follow her until we know what she has decided." _Edward, come on, you can't throw in the towel and let the dog win your girl. Get up and fight for her. You can be smooth when you want to be and Bella seems to like your dorky ways, so prove to her you're the better man for her. Sitting here isn't helping anyone, least of all Bella. Cause if you don't she just might end up choosing that pup over you._

I growled, and as I went to lunge at Rosalie realized that Esme was still holding me while Carlisle was by my side.

Rosalie smiled wickedly. "Welcome back to the land of the living."

"Rosalie, if you're lying …"

 _I'm not Edward. Just go to her. Text if you need any assistance._

I smiled at her. "Hey, Mom, do you think you could let me go now?"

 _Edward, are you all right?_ Carlisle asked worriedly.

I nodded at him.

"Are you going to do anything dramatic?" Esme asked.

"If following Rosalie's advice is dramatic, then yes."

Rosalie flung her hair back.

Esme released me.

I got up and started running towards Bella's with Esme and Carlisle trailing behind.

"You don't need to come, Mom, Dad. I'm all right."

 _I know. I'm worried about Bella._

 _Can't hurt to have us with you in case._

Well, I couldn't stop them, so I went back to running. When we got to Bella's she was already asleep. Even just hearing her heart beat was soothing. Every muscle in me yearned to be her in room, but I held myself firmly in place and listened to the sounds that made the world make sense. They both worked at keeping their minds still, which also helped. I stayed and watched while Bella made herself breakfast. Then when she left, I flung myself tree to tree continuously keeping an eye on the Guardian while they kept a discrete distance. Bella parked and walked to our meadow. When she got there she lay down and stared into the sky. Then when it was past three in the afternoon she hiked back down.

My phone vibrated. She'll go home and call you. Come home.

I wasn't about to argue with Alice. Once home, I showered and changed my clothes, then paced the floor waiting for Bella. It must have been after her and Charlie would have eaten that she, finally, rang my cell phone.

"Hi, Bella," I said relief obvious in my tone.

"Hi, Edward."

There was an awkward silence. I wasn't sure what to say. Eventually I inquired, "How have you been?"

"I've been okay. How about you?"

"Not so well, but getting better."

There was another awkward silence.

"So, um, Edward, I was hoping, if you'd like to, if, um, you'd be willing to come over here tomorrow, not to study, just to talk." She sounded nervous.

I didn't care how she sounded she wanted to spend time with me. I couldn't help a smile spreading across my face.

"Of course I'd like to. Sounds good."

"Okay, Edward. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow. Good night, Bella. Sweet dreams."

And then she was gone. Esme came and gave me a hug. I searched out Alice's mind. Certainly Alice would know what Bella wanted to talk about. But I couldn't find her. I could follow her trail, but that seemed like too much. I wanted to be in Bella's room, but I hadn't been invited. So, instead I sat down at the piano and played. Esme sat next to me. I played until the sun came up lost in the world of music. When I looked around Rosalie and Emmett had joined us.

 _Bella is a modern girl, Edward, you got to give her the room to make her own decision, yet not be afraid to voice what you need either. Please tell her that you can't go these many days without her._ Rosalie's thoughts were the most sisterly I had ever heard them.

I smiled at her and nodded.

"You're crazy, you know," Emmett pointed out.

I smiled. "I know. Crazy in love, though, Emmett, there's a difference."

"Not much of one from where I'm standing," he teased and in his mind he was attempting to antagonise me so that we would play fight.

"Well, I ought'a …" I told him playing along.

"Bring it," he told me in a threatening tone.

"Outside," Esme commanded.

Maybe, I could dare to hope, but I doubted I would stop being fragmented unless Bella said yes to me. It would be the most selfish act I could imagine, and after all these months for once I considered perhaps being that selfish.

* * *

 _A/N:The reference to Esme promising Edward she would rescue him from hell comes from my story My Family Is Odd Chapter 8.  
_


	39. Jacob–Plan Accomplished

Chapter 39: Jacob–Plan Accomplished

* * *

I came out of my room to see who had asked for me. What was this? Some form of beat up Jacob day?

"Evening, Jake," Sue greeted me.

"Hey, Sam, Sue, Quil Senior." I nodded to each of them. "What can I do you for?"

"We're worried about what happened today over at the Cullens place, Jake." Sam stated.

"It was no biggy."

"Maybe, but you violated the treaty lines and your dad got a phone call from Dr. Cullen. Just tell us what happened," Sam instructed.

"Didn't you see Sam?" I looked at him sideways.

It wasn't like I hide it from him.

"Yes, I saw what Seth saw from you, but Sue and Quil don't have the same privileges. Anything that has to do with the Cullens affects us all."

"Oh." I looked at the floor.

I should have seen that coming.

Dad asked, "How about we go to the living room?"

Everyone moved in that direction and found a seat. Sue and Sam were in the couch and Old Quil in the recliner, so I sat on the floor.

Sam nodded to me.

"Well, see, Bella and I got into an argument and before I could apologise or explain she got into her car and drove off. I was worried about her driving upset, and I was hoping to explain once she got home, but instead she went to the Cullens. About a mile out from their place two of them stopped me and told me to go home. I wasn't about to go until I knew Bella was safe. The mind reader must have be able to pick up my thoughts at that range because the mood alterer explained that Bella was fine and had actually gone to the house to seek medical attention from the Doc. I left. That was it."

They each looked at each other.

"You need to tell them why Bella needed medical attention, Jake," Sam prompted.

I swallowed nervously. "Well, see, during our argument I grabbed Bella's arm. I must have used too much force because I bruised her accidentally."

"What were you arguing about?" Sue asked.

Only a mom would ask a question like that. I probably would have been able to avoid awkward explanations if it had been Harry instead.

"About Bella becoming one of _them_."

Everyone looked at me expectantly. Great!

"See, Bella was telling me that they are leaving it up to her, even though if she doesn't become a bloodsucker, all of them will be killed, since their Mafia-type law enforcers were promised that she'd be changed. Evidently it's a 'be one of us or die' type of policy." I spit out the last sentence. Let them come, I reckoned. More of those red-eyed demons to kill the better.

"The Cullens are willing to die at the hand of their own kind rather than change Bella without her permission?" Old Quil looked stunned. "Did I hear you right?"

"Yeah. Something like that," I grumbled disliking Old Quil's tone.

He shook his head. "Has Dr. Cullen mentioned anything about this to you, Billy?"

"No. We generally avoid the topic of Bella. It's a touchy subject for both sides."

"I understand." Old Quil looked thoughtful. "Could you arrange for us to meet with him and discuss this with him?" he asked Dad.

"Yes. Would you rather him come here or meet on neutral territory?" Dad asked.

"Here?" said Old Quil. He looked at Dad for an objection.

Dad nodded in agreement.

"Here," agreed Sue.

"I don't like it, but I'll agree," Sam said slowly.

"How many should I grant access?"

Each of them thought for a while.

"Two?" offered Sam.

Sue and Old Quil nodded in agreement.

"I'll call today."

"He'll probably bring the mindreader or mood-alterer," I mumbled.

Everyone turned back to me.

"He might," Sam agreed. "We have nothing to hide. Dr. Cullen has shown himself to have great self-control and to be a wise leader. Certainly he will bring whomever he believes will give him the greatest advantage. But with the whole pack here, he will be greatly outnumbered. Anything else?"

I thought back. The rest was private and not the business of the elder busybodies. I shook my head no.

Sam watched me carefully probably thinking through how much of my personal relationship with Bella needed to be aired publicly. He nodded.

"I think we need to have some form of consequences for Jake's actions or it will set a poor precedence. We can't ask the Cullens to abide by territorial lines if our protectors are not," Sue added softly and with a tone that left no debate.

I decided that omitting that it hadn't been the first time I had crossed into Cullen land was best, since technically I shouldn't have been at the clearing where the battle took place either.

Dad looked at Sam. "Is this something you want to handle?"

Sam considered his answer and looked down at me. "I can handle things on my end, and whatever you choose to add let me know so I can keep that in mind for the patrolling schedule."

"Sounds good, Sam. You're a good Alpha. You have served the tribe well these past two years," Dad told him.

Sam nodded. He waited the customary minute of silence before he continued. "I'd like to have the whole pack assembled in wolf form and Jake to show them his argument with Bella and then the confrontation with the Cullens."

Sue, Old Quil, and Dad nodded in agreement.

"Let me know when Dr. Cullen is coming, Billy, with as much notice as possible so I can prepare the pack."

"You'll know as soon as I do."

"Anything else?" Sam asked the others.

No one said anything.

Sam stood up and Sue and Old Quil followed. Shortly after Sam approached me and whispered, "You'll run the midnight to six a.m. shift for the next two weeks. You are not to set a foot in wolf form out of our boundaries including neutral territory, and your role as Beta is temporarily suspended for the next two weeks. We have to set the better example, Jake. It's just that simple."

"Sure, sure," I told him.

They started making small talk and I escaped back into my room. I didn't see what the big deal was anyway. Sam had a point about me abiding the rules as a Beta, but it wasn't like this was the first time I'd been on their land and he knew it. On top of that, sure, I'd accidentally hurt Bella, and I felt bad about it, but it wasn't as bad as Emily. The council hadn't even seemed too bothered about that part. They seemed to only really care about our neighbourhood bloodsuckers giving Bella the pretence of choice. I mean really. What if she declined? Did anyone really believe that they would really allow themselves to be punished by their cop-mafia? Whatever.

I fell asleep still hearing the chatter of Billy, Sue, and Old Quil.

In the morning Dad was already making food by the time I woke up.

"Morning, Dad. Want some help?"

"Set the table."

I went to work on that. Just as I finished he was ready to serve.

I was still eating when Dad interjected. "You have a pack meeting in two hours. And Dr. Cullen will be driving here from the hospital about five thirty. He will be accompanied by Jasper. It goes without saying that they both have been given amnesty and are not to be bothered in any way."

I nodded. "He's bringing the mood-alterer. That's the one that trained the rest of the Cullens on how to fight the army last summer."

"Good to know. I'll inform the rest of the council."

"I'll clean up, Dad."

Dad went to work on something while I finished up and then cleaned the kitchen. I took a shower and then headed out to the garage for the time I had left.

"You need to head, Jake," I heard my Dad call to me a bit later.

"Sure, sure," I called back as I stripped down.

Once I was in wolf form, it felt good to run. Almost everyone was already assembled. Most of them were asking me what happened at the same time. Fortunately, Sam told them to be patient and wait for everyone. When I got to them Collin and Emery were wrestling, Leah was lying lazily looking bored, and Seth was bounding around playing with Quil. Shortly after Paul and Brady shifted and were heading our direction. We were just missing Jared.

 _Anyone seen Jared?_ Sam asked.

 _You know how Jared is,_ Brady answered.

 _Okay, we'll give him ten more minutes and then we'll start._

I swore Sam has an internal clock or something. He was incredible like that. Whatever it was that Sam had, Jared was missing.

Sam was just calling everyone to order when Jared phased.

 _Sorry, guys, I'm coming._

Everyone but Sam and Leah gibed at him in some way. It didn't take much time for him to find us.

 _Okay, Jake, show us what happened._

I focused to remember my argument with Bella. There were some things I wished the pack wouldn't know, but there was no way to hide them. Once I got to the point where I had the conversation with Seth, after encountering the Cullens, I focused on Sam trying to hide the rest of my memory.

There were a few seconds of stunned silence before everyone started talking over each other. Sam, Leah, and I stayed out of it.

 _Why would they die for her? Isn't it, like, in their nature to bite humans?_

 _It's probably some ploy to get us to trust them more so they can defeat us._

 _Why didn't you attack them when there was only two? You could have totally taken them._

 _Wow. The mindreader can hear thoughts from that far away? Freaky._

 _They fought beside us to keep the army from killing anyone, you know._

 _Focus,_ came from Sam. _This isn't why were here._

Everyone settled down.

 _We're here because of what Jake learned the council has invited Dr. Cullen and one other to come to discuss the possibility of more cold ones entering our lands._

 _He's bringing the one that trained them to fight the army,_ I added.

Pictures of his training filled everyone's mind.

 _It goes without saying that the Cullens will not be harmed or harassed in any way while they are on our land. However, as a precaution everyone will be in wolf form. I want Collin, Brady, Jared, and Leah running patrol. The Cullens are going to be coming from the direction of the hospital about 5:30 this afternoon. I want Seth, Paul, Emery, and Quil near Billy's house with me. Jake will be in human form._

 _Oh, that sucks, Jake._

 _Don't get bitten._

 _You're never going to get their stink out of your house._

 _Focus, please,_ Sam instructed again. _I want everyone back in wolf form by four thirty this afternoon. Seth, Paul, Emery, and Quil scout everything inside our lands. Make sure there aren't any new trails._

 _Got, it._

 _No problem._

 _Sure._

 _Sweet._

 _All right. That's it. Anyone have anything else?_ Sam asked.

No one answered.

 _Okay. See you all at four thirty._ Then Sam ran off.

Leah ran off as well and shifted as soon as she was far enough away not to be seen. Most of the guys stayed and wrestled and hung out together. I was nice to be surrounded by the pack. I had missed them. When Sam phased back I figured it must be four thirty.

 _You cool if I stay in wolf form until they're closer to my house?_ I asked Sam.

 _Yeah. Sue is bringing Old Quil. I'll phase as soon as I know everything's in order._

 _Okay, Sam._ I was close to finishing one patrol circle.

 _Got them. They're about two miles from the boundary. They're in Dr. Cullens Mercedes,_ Jared informed us.

I veered off to my house, phased in the backyard, and walked towards my house.

"Hey, Jake," Sue greeted me.

"They're almost here?" Dad asked.

"Yup," I told them.

"Well, we better get ready," Old Quil said. "Jake will you move some furniture around?"

"Sure, sure."

Old Quil directed me so that the couch was facing outwards, the recliner was on the left of the couch, and on the right was a space for Dad's wheelchair. Then there were two dining room chairs on the other side of the couch. It almost made a circle. It looked like I was meant to be on the floor next to Dad. That suited me just fine.

I listened to the car pull up and to their strange sounding gaits as they neared my house. Soon enough there was Dr. Cullen's odd knock, a soft light sound as if he was being especially gentle. Despite its softness, it dominated the space.

Dad went to the door.

"Welcome Carlisle, Jasper, please come in."

Sue was already helping Old Quil to the recliner. Then she sat down next to him.

"Please, take a seat in the chairs. Sam will be joining us shortly," Dad explained.

They sat. Doc seemed at ease considering he was considerably out numbered and in enemy territory. But then Doc was always like that. The mood-alterer looked like he was working really hard at appearing neutral.

No one said anything for a long few minutes.

"How's the ribs, Jake?" Doc asked breaking the silence.

"Good. No problems. Haven't needed the cast since I visited Bella in the hospital, but it worked great."

"I'm glad to hear it." He paused, which was odd since they rarely do. "No problems when you phased?"

"Nope."

He smiled and his eyes lit up. "Glad to hear it."

Sue and Old Quil were watching him carefully.

"Actually I was wrestling with the pack today and I'd dare say that I'm even stronger than before. You fixed me up good."

His smile broadened. "Well, I'm glad–"

Sam knocked on the door.

Dad opened it.

"My apologies," Sam said as soon as he stepped into the house.

"No problem," Doc answered. "You have given me the chance to inquire into Jake's healing."

Sam nodded and sat down next to Sue.

Dad manoeuvred between Sam and myself then cleared his throat after a minute. "Thank you for being willing to meet."

Doc nodded. "As I have expressed in the past, our continued working relationship is of great value to us."

"As I stated on the phone, Jake told us that during his argument with Bella that she had mentioned the possibility of having visitors of your kind who would be coming to enforce your laws regarding Bella."

Doc's features were a strange combination of sadness and worry. "Yes, this is true."

"Since, this might bring red-eyed vampires near our lands we were justifiably concerned and, in the interest of the treaty, were hoping you could explain to the council directly. However, before we begin the council feels the need to set some ground rules. We understand that you, Jasper, have an unique ability."

"Yes, sir," he replied with a southern drawl, as he nodded a little.

"Would you please explain it?"

He looked at Doc who nodded slightly.

"I have the ability to read the emotional temperature of an individual as well as the climate of a group. I can stiffen the emotion and draw it into myself. I can also send out an emotion that I'm feeling."

"Would you mind giving us an example of sending something out? The pack members have mentioned that you have calmed situations before."

"Yes, sir." Then he looked at Carlisle again who nodded.

He sent out calmness. I knew he was doing it on a low setting, since I had felt him do it stronger before.

"Interesting," Old Quil remarked. "That's quite a talent."

"Thank you, sir."

Old Quil nodded to Dad.

"Thank you for the demonstration, Jasper. However, for today's purposes we'd appreciate it if you didn't use your talent."

"I can't turn off the reading part," he declared firmly.

"We understand. Just the other two aspects, then."

He looked at Doc. Doc looked at him in a way that I didn't really get, maybe a 'it's okay' kind of look. I wasn't sure.

He nodded, but seemed to stiffen.

"Sometimes though if a conversation becomes too heated Jasper sends out what you felt during his demonstration as a reflex. Certainly this would also be understandable," Doc amended.

The emo leech seemed slightly less tense.

The four counsel members looked at each other.

"Yes, that is understandable, just as long as he withdraws his influence as soon as he is aware that he is doing it," Old Quil stated.

Doc looked at the mood-alterer who moved his head somewhat.

"Agreed," Doc stated in this warm calming voice as if we were patients.

Man he was grating on my nerves. No person was that calm. I mean here we had him surrounded and out numbered and he acted like he owned the place and nothing was wrong. At least the mood-alterer had the decency to appear tense.

"As that's now out of the way, could you please explain what Bella meant by 'The Volturi will execute you all if she isn't changed'?" Sam asked.

Doc suddenly looked very old. Like one minute he was 25 and the next he was 80. Freaky!

"The Volturi are the collective name of a group of our kind that enforce the rules that govern our world. The rules can be summarized into one edict: keep what we are a secret from humans. This was the largest factor in us requiring a non-disclosure aspect to the treaty we made with Ephraim Black. The Volturi have been known to haze whole towns in order to maintain our nature as a secret. If word were to get back to them that you knew what we were, it could possibly mean your extermination." He seemed to pause only to allow that to sink in.

I knew he believed that, but we could protect our own. They could send as many of these mafia-bloodsuckers that they wanted. Wouldn't make a difference. There were plenty of us. Hadn't we just proven that last summer against the army?

"Last year in March, there was a misunderstanding and Edward believed that Bella had died. Edward went to the Volturi to request that he be ended. The leader of the Volturi has a gift and can ready memories. He saw that Bella knew of our true nature, but as Edward believed Bella was dead, there was no rule broken. However, when Bella showed up and stopped Edward they gave Edward and Alice an ultimatum: either to change Bella into one of us or to kill her. Bella already wanted to be changed, and so Alice, using her gift, convinced them that Bella would become a Cullen and therefore no danger of exposure would exist. That all changed with Bella's accident."

Doc looked at the mood-alterer who nodded.

"Each time I've changed someone they were dying. Bella is not dying. And I will not change her against her will. Eventually the Volturi will send someone to check to make sure we've honoured our promise. If we haven't by that time they will not hesitate to end my family."

"What would happen to Bella?" Dad asked.

"She would have to go into hiding and would never be able to return to Forks."

"Does she know this?" Sue asked.

"We haven't said much to her about it because we don't want her to feel obligated in any way. We don't want her to make a decision based on putting our needs before her own."

I watched as Sue's, Old Quil's, Dad's, and Sam's face seem to each contort in their own way about the idea that the bloodsuckers weren't telling her the totality of the risk they were taking so that she didn't feel pressured to make a decision. Better for me, but I honestly didn't know if I could do the same if the shoe was on the other foot.

"Could you not simply fight whomever they sent?" Sam asked.

Doc looked sad. "No. It's not that simple. They have talents in their ranks that make fighting not an option. The only possibility would be to go into hiding, but that would only give us a few more years. They would find us eventually."

"How?" I asked shocked. Sue, Sam, and Dad all looked at me with a warning to keep my mouth shut.

"They have an incredibly skilled trackers that can find us anywhere."

These bloodsuckers really are ruthless and cold-hearted. I would do everything in my power to stop Bella entering that world.

"Why haven't you mentioned this before?" Old Quil asked.

"We didn't see it putting your tribe at risk. If they were to come visit, Alice would see them coming and we would go somewhere far away from people, and put financial provisions in place for Bella. It's not ideal, but we will not change the moral codes by which we live by. We could not ask you to face to Volturi. It would mean the death of every man, woman, and child of your tribe. That's why when they showed after the fight last summer we sent everyone away."

A long silence ensued. Even I didn't know what to say to that. They sent us away to keep up safe from their Mafia bosses. I just couldn't wrap my head around it.

Finally Dad spoke. "Thank you for your honesty. Bella sure has made life more interesting for us all." Then he smiled.

Doc smiled back. "Yes, she is truly a gem." He went to stand up. "Thank you for listening."

Each member of the council nodded at him.

"Let me show you out." Dad wheeled over to the front door with Doc and the mood-alterer close behind.

Soon they were gone.

"I need to give orders to the pack," Sam pointed out. "Jake with me."

Everyone else nodded at him while Sam and I headed out. We phased and Sam waited till the Cullens were passed our line before standing everyone down, giving out the patrol responsibilities for the next few days, and giving Jared Beta responsibility for the next two weeks while also explaining the reasons for the change. By the time I got back home, it was just Dad and he was finishing up dinner.

I helped him and we ate in silence. I cleaned up and then headed out to do a patrol.

I was woken up a few hours later by Dad knocking on my bedroom door.

"What?" I asked groggily.

"Bella called. She asked to come over. I told her in an hour."

"Okay. Let me hop in the shower."

"Sounds smart."

Sure enough just as I was finishing up eating, Bella pulled up to the house.

I walked outside and welcomed Bella as soon as she was out of the tank.

"It's nice to see you too, Jake."

Silence settled between us.

"Want to come into the garage?" I asked when nothing else came to mind.

"Actually, would you mind if we took a walk?"

"Sure, sure," I told her.

She started walking along the road almost absentminded as if she needed her feet to be moving to think.

Long ten minutes had passed before I got the courage to speak up, "I'm really sorry, Bella, for hurting you. I really didn't mean to."

"Yeah, I know, Jake. You're stronger than you look," she teased with a slight smile.

"Yes, I am," I answered proudly puffing my chest.

She smiled broadly before we fell into a tense silence.

"So, um, I was hoping you could tell me about us kissing before my accident."

I considered that. "Well, as we talked about last time, you wanted to become a bloodsucker and I didn't want you to. I found out you got engaged to the vermin and convinced you to kiss me so that I could show you that you loved me and you were making the wrong choice."

"I had said that I loved you?"

"We had been negotiating for time of indentured servitude, so, not in so many words, but yeah. When the vermin had left, you were in a nearly comatose state, and I had helped put you back together. When he came back you forgave him and you guys were back on as if he had never left," I spat. "After that I was working up the courage to tell you that I loved you. I did eventually." I stopped walking and grabbing her harm lightly turned her towards me. "I love you, Bella. I want to give you a future here with me."

She looked at me as if she were searching for something and then turned to walk again. After a while she spoke. "I needed to apologise for asking you to kiss me the other day."

My whole face fell dejected.

She didn't seem to notice. "I had just found out what Edward consumes for sustenance and it was too much. I had asked you to kiss me because I believed that doing so would help me figure out things."

"Did it work?" I asked her jokingly.

She looked sad. "In a way. It didn't bring up the memories of us kissing before like I hoped, but yeah it did."

"Then it's all good. I'd be happy to kiss you again if it would help. I mean we could make a whole science experience out of it. Try length of kisses, depth of kisses, passion of kisses. Eventually something is bound to help trigger things in your brain up there."

She eyed me. "You're not mad?"

"Why would I be mad about kissing you? It was great and I'd be happy to volunteer for that experiment. We could call it the Bells memory project. We could keep charts and progress reports and even turn it into a poster presentation for the science fair."

By the end of my ideas she had gone from chuckling to laughing so hard she had to stop walking. I laughed with her until we both caught our breaths.

When we had calmed I turned to her. "Bells, I love you. It's that simple. I could offer you a great life here with me. We'd make a great couple." She looked contemplative. "But until you figure out that I'm the best, my lips are yours for whatever you need."

"So, just checking, we're not dating or anything?"

"Why you want to?"

She smiled as if I had said a joke.

"What?" I asked her pressingly.

She frowned. "Well, Edward asked for me to date him yesterday. It just seemed ironic."

"A day late and a dollar short, huh?" I asked angrily. At least I wasn't months behind like I had been last time.

She bumped her shoulder into mine so lightly it was almost not there. "Oh, come on, Jake, don't be like that. Jealousy isn't becoming on you."

"Oh? It isn't?"

"Nope," she answered with a half smile half pout.

I ran at her and before she could get a few steps picked her up and put her over my shoulder and started running.

She was squealing and laughing. Between breaths I heard her say, "Come on, Jake, put me down."

When I did she attempted to scowl at me, but there was too much mirth there.

"Come on weakling, let's go back to the house for some lunch and we can hang out. There you can tell me how I'm hot stuff, say yes to us dating, and go back to our science experiment."

She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Lunch sounds good."

We were in the garage and had been enjoying each other when she asked me randomly, "Hey, Jake, did you come over to the Cullens the other day?"

"Yeah. I followed you wanting to apologise and explain. I had thought you were going to Charlie's. The vermin's two brothers warned me off and then their girls showed up. They explained to me you were having the Doc look at it, so I left. Did I mention how sorry I was about that?"

"Yes. You're already forgiven. So, Jasper, Emmett, Alice, and Rosalie?"

"Yeah, all them but the Doc, his wife, and the vermin."

"You guys didn't fight or anything?" she asked concerned.

"I might be a wolf, but four to one isn't great odds, Bells. No, we just talked. Well they talked and the vermin read my thoughts."

"I thought you weren't supposed to be on their land."

"Yeah, well, they're not supposed to be on ours. So, fair's fair."

"Alice was just concerned about me," she defended.

"I was concerned about you," I argued.

"Did you get into trouble?"

"Not much. Severely warned. I'm cool."

"Good 'cause I wouldn't want you in trouble for my sake," she told me.

The conversation veered onto other topics until she needed to leave.

"You know, Bells, you haven't given me an answer about us dating," I told her as I walked her to her car.

"Give me a few days, Jake. K?"

"K. As long as you choose me, I'm good."

She smiled. "Of course." Then she rolled her eyes. "See you soon, Jake."

"See you soon," I called out to her as she left the driveway.

As I watched her leave, I was pretty proud of myself. I had told her how I felt, asked her for us to date, apologised for hurting her, and had shown her why I would be the better match for her. It had been a good day. I was a little disappointed that she had admitted that the kiss hadn't meant the same to her as it had to me, but given her confusion and amnesia it made sense. She was bound to need a day or two to think about things, and then she'd be over here again telling me that she had rejected the vermin and had chosen me.

I couldn't wait to see her again. Everything had gone to plan.


	40. Bella–Old Habits Die Hard

Chapter 40: Bella–Old Habits Die Hard

* * *

Ever since arriving at the hospital, I had been focused on understanding my world. After the slow and steady pace of the last seven months, the last ten days had been a whirlwind. Not everything was fully comprehendible or understandable, but at least there had been enough information to see the landscape well enough, sufficiently to move forward, at least. After my conversation with Esme, I had realised that the decision before me wasn't about what I wanted my life to look like at the moment or even five years from now, but twenty, forty, and, if I became a Cullen, a hundred.

My potential futures were complicated by the mystical elements of the creatures in my life. To become a Cullen would include three days of intense pain, by their accounts, and then a life of being constantly on guard, of being set apart, according to Esme. There were advantages of being a Cullen; that seemed obvious. Becoming a part of their family and having Carlisle and Esme as my parents were certainly elements that were positives in my book and had been pulling me towards them since Esme had claiming me as her daughter, not to mention my angel who had called me out of the darkness of the tunnel to begin with. My desire for him was so intense recently that it frightened me.

Two days ago I had left the Cullens in shambles. Lying there under Edward, watching him, being still, had made me aware of how much I wanted him–physically, but also something darker. With each pass where he had came near my skin my body had desired hat he would penetrate it and force his venom into me, despite knowing there was a risk that he would kill me instead. But in that moment I couldn't seem to get my body to care. My desire for him to take me in every way was so strong that risking death had been preferable. At the same time, a small part of my brain had been attempting to remind the rest of me of Edward's warning from the meadow. This was exactly what made Edward so dangerous and what he had tried so hard to prevent. Over and over he had warned me that he didn't want this part of his nature to be what drew us together.

When Jasper and Alice had come in both relief and disappointment had filled me. Since, I had been trying to mentally separate Edward's nature from who he was as a person. Did I love Edward the man? That had been what he had been pleading for after all. Wakening the morning after to his perfect face staring at me I knew that we could no longer stay on this no man's land. Esme's encouragement for me to seek answers, despite how uncomfortable the question and answer might make Edward and I, had come to mind.

Our time at the meadow had been valuable. It was a relief and pleasing to learn that Edward wanted me and was struggling, as much as I was, with the physical element of our nearness. The conversation about how he had been raised, his values, his intentions, and also his errors had helped me see him so much better erasing whatever anger might have been left over. As he had spoken, I had tried to imagine what it would be like to be raised with my values and then date someone in eighty years who had their own values and understanding of how dating worked. That was when Esme's words about Edward really made sense. It was clear that he hadn't intended to date me without my permission. My assumption and thus anger had been misplaced. It had been simply a miscommunication due to coming from two different cultures.

My initial irritation about him not wanting to talk about Italy also dissolved once it was clear that he had been solely trying to make things simpler for me. He had been right that the politics of the Volturi wasn't something I needed to worry about at the moment, neither was whether or not I would have a gift, assuming I became a cold one. Once he had explained, I had felt bad about my presumption that once again he had been keeping something about us from me. Obviously trust was something we still needed to work on. When he had asked to court me I had nearly fallen into hysterics. All this time I had demanded to be in the know, wanting him to be honest with me, wanting to be included, but once all that I had demanded had been received and he had asked, I had been overwhelmed. My brain and body had been in overdrive.

My body had said yes immediately, and had wanted to throw myself at him while my brain had sped up trying to put all the pieces together in order to give him an answer. I had felt bad asking him to wait and the hurt my answer had caused him was evident, but Esme's words of a little hurt might be helpful long term comforted me. Hopefully she was right because I had constrained myself with great effort. Fortunately, the night before had lay heavily between us. My internal fight from the night before of me desiring him to take me body and blood returned, only this time there was no Alice and Jasper nearby. It was all on me, and for those moments I had wondered if that was how Edward had felt for seven months keeping himself apart from me.

Once we had arrived back at the Cullens, I still had been unable to think straight with his proximity and had needed distance. Seeing the look on his face when I had said was heading home nearly caused me to change my mind, but he had reassured me that he would be okay. I believed that Esme could be trusted to help him while I sorted myself out, because deciding what I wanted my future to look like had become critical, and that process wouldn't be possible with my body wanting to jump his.

True to my warning to Edward, I went to Jake's the next day. First off, I had owed Jake an apology, which I hadn't yet been able to give him with everything else that had gone on. Our conversation about such serious things had been like most conversations with Jake–light, somewhat silly, and easy. When he asked for us to date I had nearly fallen into hysterics again, but had calmed myself immediately. Understanding why I had kissed Jake when engaged to Edward might always be beyond my grasp, but the attraction Jake held was clear. He had been right. He loved me in his own way; I could see that. It wasn't the all-consuming devotional love Edward had. Perhaps, it was a more human kind of love, which wasn't a bad thing at all. Having both Edward and Jake ask to be my boyfriend in two days clearly exemplified why I needed to make a choice about my future. I simply couldn't put it off anymore.

Once home, cleaning and laundry had distracted me. As the night before, I had kept my window closed.

My dream had been another of my memory-type.

I am standing in a gazebo with music playing in the background.

"And you want to, even now, this moment you're ready?" Edward asks.

"Yes," I answer trembling.

He put his hand on my back and leans me over placing his lips near my neck. I wait knowing that the next movement he makes would bring pain and then the burning. I am scared, but ready to become like him, to be with Edward forever.

I had waken up breathing heavily and unable to go back to sleep. For the first time I had an image of what things used to be like between us. It was alluring and sexy and dangerous. Lying in bed with my dream still present in my body, I began to weigh my options. It was an unpleasant process. The agony of weighing everything and choosing the next step was the worst part. How could the future and its options be truly known and measured in order to make the right decision? The anxiety of it, plus the dream, didn't allow me to fall back to sleep.

The first thing I had done was tried to imagine leaving Edward. The pain had been great. Even leaving him the other day had been a challenge. Not to mention that if I completely walked away from becoming a cold one, I would lose Esme and Carlisle and Rosalie and Emmett and Alice and Jasper. No, that options contained to much pain to even consider. Even the thought was painful enough to dismiss it quickly. Not to mention that I simply couldn't imagine my life without the Cullens. At the same time, I didn't want to send Jacob away either. He was everything they were not. Alice's words, "I can't see Jacob becoming a permanent member of our family," had stung in their truthfulness, but the exclusiveness of these two groups had been made clear to me from when Charlie had spoken about them.

I was too selfish wanting both worlds in my life, but I couldn't have them both. The parts of me that they each represented wanted to claim dominance in my life. Jacob represented the more fun, carefree, spontaneous part of myself. Edward represented what I loved about Austen's novels. His family drew me in and into someone regal and otherworldly in a way that I yearned for. Another day to think things through was needed.

Working on my homework and doing some other odd jobs around the house was a good distraction. Charlie and I ate dinner in silence, but our previous conversation about me doing whatever would make me happy was dominant in my thoughts. I went to bed early due to exhaustion falling into the same dream, but this time didn't wake up.

In the morning, I decided to see Jacob, so called his house and talked to Billy. I was nervous during my drive over there, since I had yet decided what to say. The fact that I loved Jacob was not in dispute, neither was that he loved me.

"Morning, Jake," I offered when he opened the door.

"Hey, Bella," he greeted me as he pulled me in his arms.

"Care to go to the beach with me?" I asked.

"Love to." He turned back inside. "See you later, Dad."

"K. Don't be home too late," Billy called back.

Walking beside Jake, saying nothing, moving towards our driftwood until I sat down allowed me to order my thoughts.

Jake sat next to me.

"Jake," I said tentatively while looking at him to find the courage I needed. "You know I love you."

He smiled. "Yeah."

"I've been thinking a lot about things between us, and I can see it, Jake. I can see us married and with kids and living a life here together. I can see it all."

He smiled broader.

"You are like my sun. You are full of jokes and silliness making the world seem simpler and easier. I don't want to ever lose what you bring to the world."

"You won't, Bella," he vowed as if he had already determined the outcome of our conversation.

I took in a deep breath. "Here's the thing, though, Jake. We fit together well and if there were no things as vampires and shape shifters maybe what I saw would have become our future. It could have happened, but there are too many other stronger forces in play."

His face fell. "I know. I hate _them_."

"It's not their fault for what they are no more than it is your fault for what you are."

He didn't look like he agreed.

"Either way, Jake. You have responsibilities here that I can't even fathom and would never want for you to have to leave behind. You're going to make a great leader of your people one day. I just know it. And I want that for you. I could never ask you to leave your tribe, your people, and your future. To do so would ask you not to be you. At the same time, I need to be me. I want to go off to college, to leave Forks, to travel the world, while your life is here as the protector of your tribe. You need to stay and I don't want to. Despite these things, I want you to always be in my life. I don't want to imagine a future without you in it, but as a friend. Just friends, Jake."

It looked like tears were threatening to fall down his face.

Which was why I would never say the other parts. Jake, for all the great things he brought to me and to my life, was seventeen, one with lots of responsibilities for sure, but it felt like there was a huge difference in how we saw things. It wasn't that the future he offered wasn't a good dream, but it wasn't the dream I wanted. As much as I was like Charlie, there was too much Renée in me to stay forever in this small town. And although I might like to have more time to make a decision, the people in my life that I cared about were on hold waiting for me to decide, and I couldn't ask them to wait for me any longer.

"Can you be my friend no matter what I choose?" I pleaded.

"I don't know, Bells, but I can try," he promised sadly.

"Deal." I smiled. "So, how's the guys?"

He took a deep breath in. "Guys are good. Everything's okay, Bells." He looked out into the water in front of us.

I let my eyes travel with his. We sat there until I was stiff and hungry.

"We should get back, Jake."

"Yeah," his eyes fell. "You're choosing him, aren't you?" he asked angrily.

My eyes found my feet. "I haven't decided yet, Jake. There are few things I know for sure and one of them is that your life is here, while I don't want my future to be in Forks. You deserve someone who will be what you need. I'm not it. And one day when you meet her I hope that you can look back and be grateful for this conversation. I never meant to hurt you Jake, and I'm sorry if I did along the way."

"Knowing my luck I'll never imprint," he mumbled looking like he wanted to argue, but had already had this conversation with himself.

I considered for a brief moment asking what imprinting was, but I'd caused him enough pain and we had enough of heavy conversations. Whatever he was talking about could wait.

He turned to me. "Nah, I'm tough. We're good."

"Good," I told him wishing that I had more eloquent words, but they failed me.

After a small bit we got up and walked back to his house together. We exchanged pleasantries and said goodbye. At home I worked on my homework just to have something to distract me from my thoughts. After dinner I took a long shower and got into bed dreaming the same dream.

In the morning, after breakfast, I drove to the path leading to the meadow walking it gingerly not as sure of my direction without Edward, but eventually found it. Lying down in the grass I looked skyward. This space had been the strongest memory before my arrival in the hospital, while also the most confusing. This space was the first in which Jake had been a wolf and had held strong yet contradictory feelings. After Edward's stories about how often I had been in danger during our first year and half together, and then with my car accident, Edward's admission that he used to joke that I was a danger magnet didn't sound far from the truth. This space held the memory of danger as well as the truth of Edward in both his inhuman capacities and his spoken confessions. In this space it seemed easier to consider all aspects of Edward, what parts of me he ignited, what parts intimidated me, what kind of future I wanted, and the ramifications of my choices. Mostly though, I allowed the feelings carried with me about this place to swirl within me.

Before the sun dropped too low, I headed home knowing things couldn't be put off much longer. My decision was made. For better or worse, I would be moving forward. I called Edward later that evening and invited him over the next day.

That night the same dream returned only this time he leaned over and kissed my neck.

"So quick to want to become a monster like me?" Edward asked.

"Not a monster, just to be with you forever," I responded.

Waking up I didn't feel well rested. Even a shower and breakfast, despite my hopes to calm my nerves didn't work. Right on time, I heard Edward knock. Slowly, I moved to open the door knowing this wasn't going to be an easy conversation.

"Morning, Bella," he greeted me. He looked as weary as I felt.

"Good morning, Edward. Come in."

"Thank you."

I smiled hesitantly.

"Would you like to take a seat, Edward?"

"That would be fine, thank you."

Why he was being so formal with me was curious. I wanted to ask, but the task for my invitation hung over me. Instead, I sat down across from him.

"Edward. I assume that the past few days have been difficult for you."

He just nodded.

"In that case, I appreciate even more so that you gave me the space I needed to think everything through."

He looked like he'd stopped breathing.

Taking his hand, "Here's the thing, Edward," I started, and then took in a deep breath. His smell was so comforting and soothing yet exciting. "I love you. I might not remember all the things that happened before, but they live within me. I have tried these past few days to parse out what part of my attraction to you is what you are and which part is who you are. I can't. At the same time, the intensity of my feelings has scared me. They are such that I do not even wish to imagine the pain it would cause me to be separated from you. I don't even want to attempt to imagine it, in fact. That alone has given me hesitancy. As I told you before, I don't want to act out of compulsion. I want to act from choice." I took in another deep breath.

His face was as still as a statue and neutral as if he were not hearing me, although his eyes said that he was giving me his full attention.

"My conclusion I have reached is that what you are and who you are cannot be separated. I love all of you. I love everything about you Edward and I don't want to be without you. I want to be a part of your life and your family's life." I paused. "But, I have some stipulations." I looked at him carefully watching to see if he was hearing me.

His eyes sparkled in joy, but his face was hesitant. "Go on," he instructed.

"I understand that you come from a different era than I, and even though premarital sex isn't frowned upon now as it was in your era, waiting until we're married is very important to you?"

He looked like a mix between embarrassment and incredulousness, but just nodded as if his words were caught in his throat.

"To be honest with you, after the other night I can see why you kept your distance these past seven months in your desire not to pressure me. It was confusing and sent messages I misinterpreted, but I began to see over these past ten days that we miscommunicate a lot because we come from different eras. Now I understand why waiting is so important to you. And, I can't speak for you, but my body will not withstand our proximity without moving forward physically that a long engagement would require. Thus, I will agree to a summer wedding. That gives us five months to plan the wedding and to practice being near each other safely because that relates to my other stipulation."

He looked pleased as punch, but serious as if he was waiting for the world to cave in. "That seems more than reasonable to me. Please continue."

"First, I want to go to college and get a degree. You had said that originally we had agreed that we'd live as husband and wife at the college of my choosing?"

"Yes," he agreed trying to contain a grin.

"Would you still be agreeable to that?"

"Certainly, Bella. My father was a lawyer and did quite well. Then, I have all these years of interest and investments. All of that will be yours."

My jaw dropped open a little. I hadn't considered Edward's financial status. Obviously living a long time had economic benefits.

"Good," was all I could manage to say before clearing my mind and taking a deep breath. "The last piece is that I don't want you to turn me."

His face seemed to go through every emotion before I continued.

"For a while at least."

Then a whole other set of emotions passed over his features.

"I am aware that the Volturi will come and Alice has promised them I will be a cold one, but as she can see when they might visit, I want to hold off. I've learned and grown a lot over these past seven months and, if I can have a chance of doing more of that before I become frozen at an age, I'd like to. As you said, Esme is older than Carlisle and that hasn't change anything between them."

"Are you sure, Bella? I don't want you to feel pressured in any way."

"No. In fact sometimes I feel like you don't want me, I feel so not pressured."

He frowned. "Oh, Bella, that's not the case. I want you more than words can express."

"I finally got that the other night."

He looked bashful. "I am so sorry about that. I do want to wait till marriage. I just find it hard to resist you."

I blushed. "Well, I'm glad."

Suddenly his expression mutated into blissful joy. "Did you really just say what I think you did?"

I smiled. "If what you heard was that I will marry you, you will _try_ , we will go off to college together, and you will change me, but not for a while, then yes you heard correctly."

Absolute bliss broke out on his face. "You really said that you're going to marry me?"

I smiled broadly at him pleased to see him so happy. "Yes, Mr. Cullen, I did."

"I am the luckiest creature to be alive, then." He was the happiest I had ever seen him as he came over and picked me up. "I love you," he whispered in my ear.

"And I love you. I apologise if the wait for me was too much to bear. I just wanted to take my time and be sure. You made it very clear that it isn't a decision that can be undone."

His smiles saddened a little as he placed my feet on the floor and his hands on my face. "And you're sure?"

"As sure as any human can be," I told him.

"Then anything was worth it to bring us to this moment, although I still wish that us being together didn't require you becoming a monster."

I tried to look at him sternly through my smiling. "What did I say about the monster talk?"

He looked me in the eye as he moved closer. This time as our lips met it was filled with joy and sweetness and tenderness. It felt as if he was trying to share his bliss through his lips.

When he pulled back, somehow knowing I needed air right before I did, I smiled contently. I couldn't put my finger on it, but things just felt right as if the fog had cleared and the world was as it was meant to be. My decision had been what seemed to be the best choice for my future and those that I loved. But, as I pulled back looking at him, my decision seemed more than just reasonable or rational, it held a feeling that I had never experienced before, perhaps it was other people described as coming home.

He let go of me completely and then got down on one knee.

"Isabella Marie Swan would you do me the extraordinary pleasure of becoming my wife and joining with me in forever."

"Yes," I whispered shocked that he would ask me this moment. I had been thinking more of dating before an engagement, but at this point there was no reason to hold back. My decision was made, and I was certain this was the path I wanted for my future.

Then he took a box from his pocket and handed it to me.

How long had he carried this ring with him? Had he every day since my accident? The capacity of that possibility in light of everything else was staggering. I couldn't imagine carrying a ring around in the hopes that one day my ex-fiancé would remember and come back to me. After a few moments stunned, I opened it to find the most exquisite ring remembering Esme telling me that this used to be his mother's.

He took the ring out of the box and slid it onto my finger. It fit perfectly.

"Thank you Bella for making me so happy."

And then he kissed me until I needed to breathe.

"You're welcome, Edward. I didn't do it just for you, though."

"Good. Your happiness means everything to me."

"Will you stay to tell my father, please?" I asked him.

"Of course. I should have talked to him ages ago about this."

"This is the 21st Century, Edward."

"Old habits die hard," he told me, then he smiled crookedly, and it felt like the world had made itself back to how it belonged.


	41. Alice-Epilogue

Alice–Epilogue

* * *

The vision given to me of Bella and the deer was one of those before and after moments. I had thought that Bella being changed would be a day that altered our world. I had been wrong. When the time came for Bella to become a vampire there was a lot to adjust to, and, sure, her newborn years contained some struggles, but it was not a pivotal day like I had expected. It was certainly nothing like the seven months after her car crash.

As a result of those months, my gift had grown, and I had learned that the clarity of the vision did not necessarily mean that it was fated, merely that the decision was extremely likely to occur, but ultimately nothing was set in stone. This had shifted everything inside of me, and when the dust had settled, how I saw the world had changed. Given this new perspective, I concluded that I had consciously agreed to be changed. I still am not sure why, as a human, I would have chosen this existence, but I must have had my reasons. My best guess was that my alternative was death at the teeth of James, but I like to imagine that my gift had shown me Jasper, and I had chosen my life to be with him much as Bella had. The fact that I chose to be turned was the only way to explain why I had the type of vision of Jazz at the diner that I had received upon my awakening. From the beginning of this life I had chosen him, and had led my life by what had brought me closer to him, but I could have changed my mind. I could have come across a rogue nomad and been destroyed. It wasn't set. This new reality has made the fact that Jazz and I are together even sweeter.

The events that followed Bella's accident changed me and they changed Jazz, they changed Bella and they changed Edward. They also changed our family dynamics. Rosalie became more sisterly to Edward and more accepting of Bella. Esme became Bella's mother, while Carlisle stepped into a stronger leadership role in a fatherly way, particularly with Edward and Bella. In my opinion, the changes made our family stronger. The events also changed our relations with the Quileutes. The accident and Edward's choice to not change Bella and instead taking her to the hospital created dialogues that hadn't existed before. Naturally, we didn't stay in Forks much longer, but I believe the ties that bind us were, in part, helped by the communication established during those seven months.

As a result of Bella's accident, I stopped relying on my gift so much. I still use it often, of course, but I no longer see the future as I once did. I know in a way that I hadn't before her accident that anything can change. I grew to understand why Jazz was so insistent of securing Bella to become like us from the first vision I had received of Bella with red eyes. He already knew the lesson I had needed to learn, while he learned that sometimes a little nudging was for the best. I would like to think I came out of the experience better, stronger, more balanced. At least, I hope so.

Edward slowly changed over those seven months, but by inches after much prodding and encouragement. He stopped running from his problems. He stopped trying to escape into himself when things felt too overwhelming to him. He stopped protecting himself so much and let himself be more vulnerable with Bella. He obviously had more lessons to learn when Bella got pregnant, but I would like to think that things would have been worse without the changes this last year instilled upon him. He still has an arrogance that is atrocious, a love for Bella that is redeeming, and a long way to go. However, the arrogance was lessened, the anger reduced, and his capacity to hope increased.

Bella lost her understanding of herself and her footing in the world, but eventually figured it all out again. In so many ways she repeated the lessons she had learned before the accident, but at the same time she did it in a different way. The same but different. It was disconcerting at the time, but it all worked out in the end. She ended up only getting two out of her three stipulations, however, when, to everyone's surprise, she came back from their honeymoon pregnant. That forced her to be changed earlier than they had agreed, and will be just shy of twenty forever. College did happen, but later than she had originally expected, and as a vampire rather than a human.

For reasons I don't understand, Jake held tight to his worldview through those seven months, becoming more entrenched, in fact. Jake finally was able to change, but it took Bella getting pregnant and then him imprinting on Renesmee. My words that Jake would never be able to become a part of the family came back to bite me. It's interesting to consider how the same event that changed me so much had so little impact on him. I guess that's living. The same event happened to us all, but it was how we responded that made all the difference.

In comparison to Jake and Edward, I allowed the lessons to radically shift how I saw my gift and by extension my place in the world. More than anything it prepared me for the vision I received regarding the Volturi coming to get us. I was ultimately grateful for the year and all its lessons as it had a hand in saving us.

I'd like to think that it is my positive view on life that allowed me to adjust and change so quickly considering we are creatures naturally inclined not to change, but we'll really never know for sure. What I can say definitively is that I will never be the same again.

* * *

 **Authors Note**

So, the premise for this story comes from my work into posttraumatic growth. Cosmology episodes are moments in a persons life that disrupt his or her understanding of him or herself and his or her place in the world. I have been studying cosmology episodes these past three years, particularly what helps people grow emotionally and psychologically after they experience large-scale community traumas both man-made and naturally formed (ie bombing or hurricanes). In my research four ways of handling these type of events have been found. In this story Alice represented going through change inactively (openly and willingly), Edward represented going through change retentively (resisting it, doing it grudgingly), Bella represented stagnation (until the last 10 days when truth is revealed to her), and Jake represented decline (when change is resisted and denied). As a reader I saw that each of these characters could fit into these models in how they handled events in Eclipse. This, naturally, ignored what they learned and how they changed in Breaking Dawn.

Change happens to us all, even if it's not at a disaster scale, and I hope that observing what these characters went through will encourage you to face your next change inactively.

I am going to next work on a story about Esme and Carlisle that imagines how things would have been if Carlisle would have followed his heart more in 1911. As CS, it will keep characters to cannon, within the alterations that will be made due to different events than cannon.

As a writer my greatest hope is that my story touched you, moved you, perhaps caused you to think, or perhaps allowed you an escape from your world. The passion that some readers have responded with arguing what Bella should do and why has moved me. This is only the second fiction I've ever written and I often see the weakness in my writing. So, thank you for sharing with me what you have. I cannot express my appreciation for each and every one of you enough. Special shout out to IAMiniquity for her time in being my pseudo-beta, kiwihipp for being my copy editor after the fact, Jessica314 for amazing writing and character development, GG, dkjkaden, and Sara K M for keeping the story true to cannon and sharing your knowledge, and Infrento for generously sharing ideas and theories. Also, thanks to Pathatlon, debs2crazy, Reinbeau, miss24fan, Len Stormcrow, sholtsclaw698, and EdwardsMate4Ever for devotingly leaving me their thoughts every chapter. Lastly, thank you to each guest and member who left a note of reflection or encouragement. A writer is nothing except a hobbiest without readers.

Thank you for journeying with me and your support. Till next time, nickaroos.


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